When my husband called on his way home from the LDS therapist (recommend by the bishop) and told me he was quitting the church after 42 years of faithful service even though he never recieved a testimony all those years, to preserve his mental health, I knew that was the right thing for him to do. I felt the Spirit testify of it to me, and I knew that he needed to travel this path.

I went to the temple soon after and again had a beautiful experience in the celestial room that assured me every thing would work out in the next life and that I didn't need to worry about my husband leaving the Church.

Then came General Conference. I listened to all ten hours, and at the end I was furious at my husband for breaking his covenants, for being a bad example to our children, for leaving it all up to me to be the spiritual leader, for not being worthy to have the priesthood to protect us. I was so angry and I let him know exactly what I thought. After I said it, I realized I was wrong. I knew his efforts were sincere the last 17 years we'd been married. I knew his heart was good, he genuinely loved and served people, and that he was one of the most Christ-like men I'd ever known, yet couldn't believe in God, as much as he wanted to, it never made sense to him and he never felt it in his heart. I knew this man. And I knew God was OK with his unique path.

It was then that I realized the voice of God and the voice of the leaders of the LDS church were NOT the same. One spoke in a language of love and peace, and the other spoke in a language of fear and anger.

I needed to know how I could tell when the leaders were speaking as men and when they were speaking for God. As I searched only church-approved sources, I realized there was so much contradiction in the words of the prophets and things they said that were later deemed not doctrinal, and that it was impossible to tell in real-time when this was happening. It was then that the Spirit testified to me that the leaders were always speaking as men, and all the confusion was suddenly cleared up in my mind. I left the church immediately.

Hear Him! His voice is different than the fear and guilt-inducing speech coming from General Conference. Yes, the LDS church teachings bring comforting answers and promotes positive actions in the lives of its members, but God is so much bigger than the LDS church, and God doesn't lead by fear or guilt or patriarchy or discrimination. God doesn't need our money or obedience or worthiness, only men do. God is love. God is in all of us already. Hear Him! 💜

• We love you but we can't support your lifestyle. We won't be attending any of your Mormon related events (baby blessings, baptisms, mission calls or farewells/homecomings, etc).

• I love you, but I can't allow you to force your lifestyle choices on me or my family. Don't bless food if I am there and don't talk about your beliefs. I need to protect my children from exposure to you.

• I am doing all I can to make Mormon temple sealings illegal. You have no right to marry the people you love if you are Mormon. This is for the good of society. I love everyone.

• Feel free to visit my home, but be aware that I can't tolerate any openly Mormon behavior. You can visit but don't expect to stay for an extended period. I may not feel comfortable introducing you to my friends. Just pretend you are not Mormon while in my home or when you are with me.

• When in public it is rude to appear Mormon. Don't wear CTR rings or have any visible garment lines. It is best for everybody if you carry a coffee, beer or bong at all times so non-Mormons are not uncomfortable.

• I can tolerate what you do in the privacy of your own church, but do not ever try to talk with me about it.

• If you try to invite me to participate in your Mormon lifestyle in any way I might respond violently

Just know We love you anyways. We pray for you. We will always love you even though you make me sad.

The buildup to Conference was immense. I tried my hardest to be prepared to see and hear something great. I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed "the right way." I think I've never felt so underwhelmed. So empty. The incomprehensible wealth of the Church and potential for alleviating suffering throughout the world, and we have 15 men come up with a document that rearranges words and phrases from previous lessons. What did I miss?

If you are still holding on like I am, I want to hear from you. Please.

How often have you experienced testimonies like he describes?

What do you think of LDS chapels? I think he’s right that it’s not very pretty.

Here is a link to his full video:

https://youtu.be/j_iAA_Zp-GQ?si=HtPtF_bnchzPpCkE

After years of careful study, years of bishopric callings, tens of thousands of dollars and time donated, I can finally admit the Book of Mormon and the so called restored gospel is total fiction.

Priesthood Power doesn’t exist on any measurable level beyond self delusion and confirmation bias.

There will never be archaeological evidence to support the scale and scope of Book of Mormon people, their wars, metallurgy, agriculture, or language.

The history of this church is highly selective and damning when scrutinized. The publication of the gospel topic essays is an admission of fault and vindicates members who were in previous years excommunicated for sharing the same things.

Most concerning is how long it has taken me to realize how phony the whole thing. It’s one big charade to appear more holy and devout while going to extraordinary lengths to avoid actually helping the poor, the needy, and the vulnerable.

In regards to the recent abuse cases, more than a few bishops ought to have a millstone hung around their neck and drowned in the depths. I would proudly and gladly pay the price of violating clergy privilege to save a precious child from the deviant monsters lurking in the pews. I told my stake president as much last Sunday and for that I’m being released. I hadn’t even mentioned my recent and developing disbelief, but he’s going to find out tonight when I hand deliver a notarized letter requesting the immediate dissolution of my church membership.

This revelation has been incredibly painful but illuminating. I expect to become completely isolated from my parents and siblings. But I’m grateful my family, my wife, and children are coming with me. The future is uncertain but I’m looking forward to shedding the identity that was put on me and taking on one I choose for myself.

For folks newer here, I used to moderate in r/mormon. I am loathe to stir up shit for the mod team; I know how thankless that task can be. But this community is actively dangerous for women, systemically sexist, and people have a right to know. Also if I’m being honest, I’m feeling rage that the same damn problems that I sacrificed years of my life to fix have reared their ugly head again because exmo men continue to perpetuate the sexism they’re familiar with.

(Yes, yes, not all men. But so very many.)

Many years ago, there was a driveby post by an incel, who was seeking advice on how to sexually manipulate women (Link). Women in the community correctly identified the danger and fought back, while the mods hemmed and hawed, and removed womens’ comments for incivility, instead of disciplining the sexual harasser and bigot.

This was egregious, and the mod team rightly got in deep shit for it. They apologized, added two women to the mod team, and publicly committed to doing better.

I dedicated my time as a mod to mitigating the dangers of incels and bigots in the community. I read government reports and dissertations. I spent inordinate amounts of time understanding red flags in posting behavior and language usage. I read all the comment threads even when they went deeply into oblivion. I read and studied the latest research and shared it with the mod team in an effort to get them to take me seriously. Some of the mods did; the ones still on the team did not. And as you can tell by my name not being in the sidebar, I got exhausted and quit.

To emphasize: The mod team created an atmosphere that explicitly excludes women from power. They’ve poisoned the well so deeply that even the few women who did have systemic power ended up having to leave. Their system mirrors the LDS church, except they don’t have women even in an advisory role, there just, aren’t any at all.

So imagine my surprise when this week, I had a comment removed for civility (Link). A comment where there was an incel in the community, and I warned a women he was talking to of the danger. Déjà vu, and in the ugliest of ways. Oh, and the user is still actively posting in the community.

Women are systemically excluded from official power. They are explicitly denied the soft power to at least warn others, when mods refuse to take action against bigoted users. And then when women are inevitably hurt, they’re told it’s because they didn’t protect themselves well enough, and that they’re too thin skinned.

r/Mormon is a dangerous community for women. I was younger and more naïve when I thought this could change. It won’t, and I’m sorry because there’s not an equivalent place for women to go. But it’s not safe here and women who decide to stay deserve to know. The mod team does not have your back and their attitude towards misogyny is basically “bros before hoes”.

Last thoughts to exmo men: There’s significant unchecked sexism in exmo spaces, and you need to seriously consider if you’ve unpacked it for yourself, and if you have, what you’re doing to fight it in your online communities. It’s uncomfortable and a lot of work, but please, you’re in a position of power even if you don’t believe in the priesthood anymore.

Last thoughts to the mod team: I know not all of you are responsible for this. And I’ve given up hope on changing the minds of those who are. Mostly I’m just terribly disappointed.

With great power comes great responsibility, particularly to dismantle that power if it’s unjust.

“It is customary to blame secular science and anti-religious philosophy for the eclipse of religion in modern society. It would be more honest to blame religion for its own defeats. Religion declined not because it was refuted, but because it became irrelevant, dull, oppressive, insipid. When faith is completely replaced by creed, worship by discipline, love by habit; when the crisis of today is ignored because of the splendor of the past; when faith becomes an heirloom rather than a living fountain; when religion speaks only in the name of authority rather than with the voice of compassion--its message becomes meaningless.” ― Abraham Joshua Heschel, God in Search of Man: A Philosophy of Judaism

"When the culture of any organization mandates that it is more important to protect the reputation of the system, and those in power, then it is to protect the basic human dignity of the individuals who serve that system, or who are served by that system, you can be certain that shame is is systemic, money is driving ethics, and that accountability is all but dead. This is true in corporations, nonprofits, universities, governments, faith communities, schools, families and sports programs." -Brene Brown, Braving the WIlderness

Mic drop.

I just binge watched the series this morning and it made me realize some painful truths. Polygamy is abuse, underage brides are child abuse, and pretending that “times were different” is wrong. Offering apologetics about the child brides of Joseph, Brigham, and other church leaders is mental grooming. These branches of Mormonism claim their marital practices are legitimate because of Joseph Smith. These child brides are victims not only of their abusers but victims of the system that says it’s ok.

I don’t think I can tolerate apologetics about early church polygamy any longer.

Long time lurker, first time poster.

Today started out like any other Sunday. 5:45 AM for a bishopric meeting, followed by ward council which ended at 8:30. After ward council ended, I asked my bishop for five minutes in which I expressed to him that I no longer believe in the church, and will no longer be attending, and will no longer be his executive secretary. The meeting lasted until 8:55 in which the bishop excused himself because he needed to be on the stand. I went to my car and drove home.

The meeting with the bishop went disastrously, and he was crying by the end of the meeting, begging me to stay.

There are many reasons why but the last straw came because of these financial reports. I see the obscene amount of tithing being paid every single week, and every single month from our ward that gets sent to Salt Lake. I also see my mother, a Sunday school teacher for the kids, have to pay out of her own pocket so the kids have pencils, crayons, paper to write on. Or my friend the elders quorum president, who, on one hand is told to have get together‘s at his home, by leadership to build ‘quorum unity’ meaning he has to buy drinks, refreshments, etc, but he’s only given a $100 budget for the year. Or the man the bishop told me to ask to clean the building. The bishop told me that he would come up with some excuse about having to work on Saturday, but that I should tell him the work of cleaning the building was more important than his job. This is a guy who is in with the bishop every few weeks, needing money to help with his family, and we’re telling him not to work an extra shift?

If any of you know the movie Regarding Henry, Harrison Ford leaves his job by saying I had enough so I told them when. That’s how I felt today. I had enough and i told them when.

Luckily that Bishop didn’t ask if there were any other problems that I had because he would’ve gotten an earful about the mistruths the church has told about its history (thank you r/mormon).

Anyway, thought some would find it interesting.

🤯

Hopefully it makes some people laugh and takes the nerves away from women going sleeveless their first time.

In this episode of Mormon Stories Riley Davis talks about being a full time LDS seminary teacher in Utah. A girl in his class shared to the whole class challenges she had that sounded like abuse and neglect.

When Riley called the church abuse hotline the attorney said that because it sounded like the department of child and family services wouldn’t have enough to go on the attorney told him not to report it.

Riley learns that by law he is a mandatory reporter and after talking to the public school counselor and the counselor saying telling him he has to report it he does.

The LDS church is immoral. This situation is evidence of that. Not reporting suspected abuse when a victim shares it with an adult is wrong.

Full video here.

https://youtu.be/i9hrsNcYl8Y

The attached screenshots were taken from Dr. Julie Hanks’ Insta/Facebook story today.

For those not familiar, Dr. Julie Hanks is a highly influential therapist in Utah and has a large social media following.

For years, she has advocated for personal autonomy and ethical church policies, which at times has landed her in hot water with her leadership and made her a target of certain ultra-orthodox Mormon apologists.

Apparently she has had enough and has stepped away from church activity. (She has also recently announced her divorce from her husband.)

I love Dr. Hanks’ content and wish her nothing but the best going forward.