Every time I turn around, I see foster parents with a gofundme or asking for handouts. Things like beds, pajamas,toothpaste, shampoo, underwear socks, birthday cakes, and a new car. Like wtf. Why can't they provide something as simple as a birthday cake or toothpaste? It's not that hard.

I always found that the more support the foster parents get, the less they do for the child. Nobody seems to question why foster parents need these things. Especially something as simple a damn pair of socks or underwear. Or yet a birthday cake. You can get two boxes of cake mix for less than 10 dollars.

Since nobody cares or tracks what foster parents are doing its concerning that they're not covering basic needs.

A new car? How entitled. The funny thing is that when biological parents can't provide, they're shamed. Heck reunification might not happen because bios are seen as lazy or can't give the kid a good life.

But foster parents don't provide, and people just praise them and give them things. I'm hesitant giving any foster parent anything or kid in foster care for that matter. I remember getting stuff as a foster kid and having it taken. You know when donors might give foster youth stuff like gift cards. Well, my foster parents took it. Even the clothing allowance they didn't spend on me. They took me to goodwill or I had to wear their bios old clothes. It's ridiculous at this point. Take care of your foster kids and stop looking for a handout. The foster parents doing this should feel ashamed, but they're not. I'd be embarrassed if I couldn't provide the damn basics.

Cps should be required to set up a person fund for foster youth, give foster parents a card, and see what they're doing with the stipends. Cause this is ridiculous.

And aren't they supposed to show they have beds? It's not shocking, really. These people have zero shame..

And before y'all start, not all foster parents.

So I’m a placement for my biological kids step sister who is ten. It’s been a battle but she will see a therapist soon for all she’s been through, she is ten. She’s been with me for just over a month. She acts like an adult, all the time. I will tell the kids something, she will literally repeat what I said to the other kids but not answer for herself. Literally example is I ask all the kids if they want a soup or sandwich for lunch. She will repeat what I just said to my biologicals , but not be able to answer my question. Or today after school I tell them to get a snack, they grab one, everyone but her grabs one she watches them.. and then she says “ what are you doing you can’t eat snack yet”. I just told them to. I’m not going to give snack hour later before dinner chica.. my daughter will ask for a piece of gum, so I say sure. The foster placement won’t ask, see my daughter with a piece of gum and just grab one and not even ask. I’ll speak to her one on one on how she needs to act like a kid she says ok. She has been spoken to about how I can help her adjust she makes the sound for idk but doesn’t actually say any words, I can’t really type in the idk mumble. But that’s the response I get. Half the time she’s a bully I call her out on it and that’s when I might get the most words from her is “I’m not” . She will muscle so to say and take away stuff from the other kids to play with it she’s a big 4th grader instead of asking to share. She came from a house infested with bugs that she doesn’t have much of her stuff here, what I do buy her she rather play with my kids shit. Than play with her own. You can tell my biological kids are starting to get annoyed with her, and I am too! I don’t have a disposable income I can’t just buy her everything she wants, she already has more than the house she came from. Living with me I know was the first time she even ever got new clothes, has been to a mall, or even gone to a McDonald’s play place. I’m pretty sure I’m the first person to take her to a swimming pool. I’m not a dick. I just need to figure out a way to have her work with this situation. She might actually be pleasant for one day and we just go backwards the next week. She rather ask my kids to ask me if she can do something but she will never ask me personally. I’m not scary. I’m probably the nicest dude she’s been around and the whole situation is giving me an absolute headache. We ate together at McDonald’s I was trying to converse with her one on one, she couldn’t do anything other than look the exact opposite way of me out the window if not behind herself. But when we get in a car for example if she’s not telling people who can sit where, she wants to sit by me up front. But other than that, I’m confused. I don’t raise my voice I’m not a yelling parent. I really don’t discipline. She’s ten and took a sharpie to my brand new television I got right before she got here colored all over the screen. She tried blaming my 6 year old daughter, but she don’t do that shit and she’s not that tall to color the area of which was colored. I raised my voice that time she was grounded for the remainder of that day but that’s about where my discipline went. I am pretty solid to say I think any other parent would have done more, but I am trying to work with her. When she had a phone she would text her mom periodically, one time I was just talking to talk to her, and she ended up texting her mom to start a fight with me to avoid whatever we were talking about, well it got her phone taken away. Her mom has been found guilty of abuse and neglect is why she is in my care. I am slowly regretting her having been placed with me. I’ve told her a couple times if she wants to break my shit it is making me rethink anything about buying her anything nice.

Any fucking different ways of thinking are appreciated. I’ve been pressing to get her in therapy and cps is delaying any attempts I’ve been making. I feel like smashing my head in the wall(expression)

If you rehomed a child after adoption or disrupted a child because you couldn't handle them but the child does well in their next placement, how does this make you feel? What went wrong?

Example: A foster child is 12 years old and comes to you. You can't handle them and the child gets diagnosed with a ton of things. You think this child is a lost cause and the child is written off by cps. You disrupt the child and your household is peaceful again. However, a few months later you hear the child is doing well in their next placement and has zero of the behaviors and diagnosess the child had with you. The child is actually progressing and flourishing in their new placement. They're getting top grades and doing well.

Example 2: You adopt a child you got at birth. The child is now 7 years old and acts out. You go online and other adoptive parents says the child has RAD. You're relieved you finally found your answer and it's not your fault. However you can't handle the child anymore and you decide to go online and find another home for the child. You disrupt the child with RAD who you think never bonded to you. A year later the child is doing amazing in their new adoptive home. However you're suspicious because the child has RAD and deep down you know the child will show their true colors. However 3 years go by. The child is clearly not having the issues they've had with you. How does this make you feel?

In both examples what are your thoughts, concerns, feelings? When a foster or adopted kid does well in another placement but didn't do well with you, why do you think that is?

My wife and I want to adopt children, we are not interested in traditional fostering (the main goal being reunification). I've been trying to do research on what it looks like to adopt a child through the foster system but I'm getting a lot of confusing information.

1. Is it true that anything related to the foster system (fostering, foster-to-adopt, etc.) will always have the goal of reunification? I don't want to go through the process of bonding and building trust and creating a family only to have that taken away from us later.

2. If the above is true, is there any way outside of infant adoption to find a child that is ready to be adopted now? We would prefer a child at least 1 year old, but ideally younger than 5. Is this a reasonable expectation?

3. If it is relevant, we are in central IL and would love any advice or guidance from people who have already gone through the adoption process.

It's just another reason why people adopt foster kids. For the check. I literally just saw a foster parent bitching that she has to pay for gymnastics and won't be covered by the subsidy. She said it's unfair she has to pay for it because gymnastics is expensive and her foster child wants to continue it. Another said they will not adopt unless they get everything covered by the subsidy because her foster kid will have future issues.

Like wtf. Why can't these people pay for the child they adopt? They want to be real parents without the real responsibility. Why tf do they expect the subsidy to cover the costs of raising the child they've adopted?? I've seen foster parents expect everything to be covered and it's gross. When you adopt a child you need to step up and take care of it.

Funny when foster youth need support or birth families foster parents tell us to suck it up and work harder don't have kids you can't afford. Yet they adopt kids they can't afford. And we all know the large adoptive families are making bank. Some even get SSI and the subsidy and I'm like wtf. No way can any one unless it's a sibling group adopt 10 kids and afford it or actually care for them properly.

And why tf does anyone need gymnastics? Gymnastics is a rich white sport. No your foster child will never become the next Simone Biles. Simone was adopted by her rich grandparents. Rich people are in gymnastics not foster kids with people who need a subsidy.

And if adoptive parents need a subsidy why adopt? They fact they don't even care that special needs means subsidy is gross. The fact being Black is a special need is not only racist af but gross. But here we are....

And let's not forget adoptive parents rehoming the kid but keeping the subsidy for themselves. When you attach money value to children they're seen as products. And I don't understand why subsidies aren't tracked or why adoptive parents need a subsidy anyway.

What is the legality of a transporter or fostercare visitation specialist urinating in front of a child? Literally, taking a child into a private restroom and using the bathroom. How is this appropriate at all? And what can I do as a parent to prevent this activity in the future? This agency is unstable and unhelpful.

This money should not go towards the parents living expenses which they would have anyway. Every dime should go to the kids.

More and More information continues to be forwarded to me.

https://chronicleofsocialchange.org/child-welfare-2/california-bills-target-lengthy-foster-parent-approval-process/30157

One of numerous article detailing the problems that existing and new fostercare couples are experiencing getting certified.

I also refer interested couples to the California’s Continuum of Care Reform (CCR) that was enacted this year. It's disrupted all placements, in addition of closing down the foster-to-adopt track in favor of resource families (foster only) This reform act is also closing all group homes. This has in our foster care unit shutting down the approval/certification of all new foster-to-adopt couples and pushing hard to convert all it's existing foster-to-adopt families to therapeutic homes. Again, requiring all foster-to-adopt families to obtain medical licenses (EMT, LPN, or RN) and show that they have experience parenting medically fragile and high needs teenagers. Our county is also stopped all adoption efforts for young children (0 - 6 years) until their group home crisis is resolved.

State Website: http://www.cdss.ca.gov/inforesources/Continuum-of-Care-Reform

I also point out this link: http://www.cdss.ca.gov/Portals/9/ADM/RSB/CCR_Dashboard_Public.xlsx?ver=2018-06-21-164411-743

Detailing the number of children that must find placement in newly created therapeutic homes that have been outfitted to meet minimum requirements for children with serious medical needs. The word told us is that we have to turn our home into a mini-hospital at our own costs.

Honestly, this is a great deal to ask. 100k to 200k to modify your home to the new medical standards isn't going to happen. Also, the investment of time and money to obtain these medical certificates is also outside our means. And clearly, this effort isn't going well.

https://chronicleofsocialchange.org/news-2/amid-state-foster-care-reforms-relatives-still-face-obstacles/29006

And to the surprise of no one, foster care units continue to have problem recruiting resource families that can comply with all their regulations.

https://chronicleofsocialchange.org/article/the-price-of-a-placement-recruiting-foster-families-in-san-franciscos-million-dollar-market

The current system gives parents just 15 months to overcome homelessness, poverty, addiction, mental illness, and other crises—while simultaneously completing services, attending appointments, and proving they can safely parent. If they can't finish everything in that window, their parental rights can be permanently terminated. That's not time to rebuild a life. It's a deadline to erase one.

I started a petition asking Maryland to end this rigid timeline and reform how CPS and foster care handle adoptions. The goal is simple: prioritize family preservation and reunification whenever it's safely possible, instead of treating permanent separation as the easiest solution.

Children deserve safety AND their families. Those two things don't have to be in conflict. A parent who needs more time shouldn't automatically lose their child forever. Foster care was meant to protect kids during a crisis, not become a pipeline to erasing their biological family ties.

What would you want someone to do if this was your family? If this matters to you, consider signing and sharing.

I'm a single mom of a 13yo boy. I work from home, so I'm requesting an elementary school age male. Or possibly siblings. My son doesn't really want to, but he's very easy going and adaptes to everything. Is this something he should be 100% on board with (like spouses)? This is something I've been thinking about for about a year now.

I'll try not to be redundant of what's already been posted. I'm really curious about past foster kids answers.

Everyone talks about accepting the kids as they are, which I agree with, but where does discipline come into play? Do the same rules apply to fosters as bio kids? For example, with my kids, disrespecting adults, including me, has consequences (grounding, privileges taken away, etc). Is that not something to be corrected in a foster because of their trauma? This somewhat makes it seem like an acceptable behavior if it's not corrected.

Is there a 'honeymoon' period with fosters at the beginning? If so, wouldn't getting my toes wet doing respite care not really be a true indicator of what it's really going to be like after the children are more comfortable?

I'm still in the background check stage, so I haven't done any training yet. Just stalking websites and forums. Are there any reading materials/websites that helped you?

I guess those are the only two I can think of at the moment. I'm sure more with be raised with the answers received.

I think that it should be against the sub rules for people to say “get therapy” to another person in here. Therapy should not be used as a weapon or an insult, or even a faux “advice” “concern” etc, or patronizing suggestion, and people in here should know better. There is no reason to give medical advice (yes, “get therapy” ) is medical advice, just as we do not give advice about going into care or not. I think the comments should be removed and if someone does this more than once, they should be banned.

We are exploring the possibility of being foster parents. We are getting a great deal of feedback that we are not a couple that the county foster care agency wants. We are both professionals with graduate degrees. We travel internationally for work. I'm an attorney, but not an adoption attorney. We have infertility problems and are not able to have children. And lastly, we are interested in adopting from foster care, so that the county foster care director states we are not committed to reunification. And we own a farm in a rural part of our state. The foster care director states they prefer couples in subdivisions.

So before I start grilling our county's director about legal violations, can someone explain why were are not considered a good foster care couple and how can the county's foster care agency prevent someone from fostering and eventually adopting?

I know someone in grad school who's going through a hard time right know, but he's a brilliant person with a history of community service, on top of his excellent track in school. I can't help the person, but I was wondering if I could suggest him to look for foster care. The only thing though is he's late 20s in grad school, and I'm not aware of a group/organization who target this group of people. Any thoughts?

Why would a foster mom go to a hearing? If case is going to reunification why would she bother? As bad as she wants to adopt it's not happening so why is she insisting on interfering with the caseworker if parents have been nothing but respectful to her? How much pull does she have??

Y do all of u foster parents gotta be so controlling. Limiting phone usage. Shutting my fuxing wifi off at 9:45 like it’s pissing me tf off y r u guys constantly making are lives miserable. Like let me have my phone don’t take it away every time I make a mistake. Y’all all really taking it away bc I got a 77 on a test. That test mark was my best one in a year and I still got in trouble. So thx to every foster parent for making me feel like shit and insecure all of u are truly amazing...

Hello all,

First time posting to fosterit. My wife and I are looking to start fostering to adopt in FL. My wife is a homemaker and wants to home school instead of sending them to public school. Is there something agencies look for when evaluating if she is allowed to keep them out of school to home school?

edit to add as this came across wrong:

basically it sounds like in the UK to be a foster parent you have to be able to live of your partners income alone. Not something we are in a position to long term do now, let alone if we were to get a bigger house to be able to help more children. So looking for advice on how people have made it work.

Talk to me about working whilst fostering, going back to work after fostering for a while and/or making a living from fostering itself in the UK. Considering our current situation, lifestyle, cost of living etc on top of what my partner makes I want to be bringing in at least £30, 000 a year

Hello. Me and my boyfriend are a gay couple in our thirties. We have discussed having kids together and will likely adopt children in the future. We have also discussed the possibility of fostering some kids before we adopt. We both come from less than ideal homes.

I would like to know if anyone has any experience doing something like this or input about this idea. I think our ideal outcome would be 1 placement at a time, and short-medium term. We could take care of a child while a their parents get back on their feet or a more permanent home is found with their family or something. We wouldn't get too attached and we wouldn't have to worry that the child is going to a bad home. Annother good outcome might be that we get a placement with a child that we connect with and for whatever reason they are unable to be taken by their family, so we adopt this child.

The scenarios I'm more worried about are where the child is taken from us and we suspect that the home they are put into is not a good one, or that we are unable to handle the needs or behavior of a child that is placed with us.

My outside perspective is that a lot of foster parents get attached to their foster children and go through heartbreak when they leave. I'm a bit concerned about this happening but understand that it is something to expect and prepare for. I'm also a bit concerned about the children. If we get a placement and things don't work out with us and the child, will we cause more harm than good if we have to ask for them to be taken back? What does that proccess look like? If things do work out with one of the children, and the parents are unable to take care of them, what does that proccess look like. Can we adopt the child, or is it more like perpetual shared custody?

Sorry, if this post is a bit disorganized.

I felt cornered and gave up our foster child who was on the path to adoption. As soon as I felt protective of my current family and formed questions, the social worker started harrasing us with misinformation, talked poorly of us to everyone involved, and let the case worker attack us, ect. And that started even before we actually asked any questions. The social worker might have suggested that our questions were not worthwhile. There was absolutely no trust.

It was insanity so we put a stop to it. I was naive to think they might ask us to think again. But right away, the social worker gave our day care a two weeks notice as if she was waiting for this so bad, and exactly after two weeks, she came by and took him. At least for that two weeks, harrassment completely stopped and it was so peaceful. Family was happy.

After all that, our agency called. They said they didn't know who to place with us anymore because he was one of the "easiest" child they had. And what all the lies the social worker told them and how the county therefore couldn't work with us anymore. They even went as far as saying that the county never wanted us to adopt him in the first place, which of course again didn't match what we had been told. They said they were closing our home.

This happened a month ago, and I am still processing it. I am wondering whether I was cut out for fostering at all as someone who gets triggered when not trusted, or even actually wanted to do it. Or if we just had very bad luck with the social worker.

When we asked the agency during the call if we still can foster in a different state when we move there, they sounded like they were threathening. "Yes, but if they ever contact us, we got to tell them honestly about what happened." Does that mean we should forget about fostering for good? Maybe we should never do it again. I'm mostly upset that we have a record of some sort somewhere saying we weren't good parents, which I know is a lie.

This comment makes a very interesting, tragic, and troubling point,,, what is it they (DPSS, Children's Services, etc) are doing? What are they doing wrong? How can their obvious failures be so systemic and nobody does anything about it?