Edit: I’m reposting here since it got taken down on AITAH, I had some drama last year that I posted about and was hoping I’d just be able to repost there. So here it is.

Last year I cut my parents off and thought that was the end. They tried to force me to co-sign a mortgage for my younger sister, called me selfish when I refused, and I found a credit card opened in my name at their address. I froze my credit, shut everything down, moved out of state, and told myself, “Done. No more access.”

I was wrong.

This week a letter from the county recorder shows up about a newly recorded deed of trust “with my updated address.” I pull the record: my full legal name as co-borrower, a signature that’s supposed to be mine, and a hometown notary stamp.

“But she’ll lose her house.” If your roof depends on a forged co-borrower, you never had a house. You had a countdown.

This week a letter from the county recorder shows up about a newly recorded deed of trust “with my updated address.” I pull the record: my full legal name as co-borrower, a signature that’s supposed to be mine, and a hometown notary stamp

I did not apply for this loan. I did not sign this loan. I was not even in the same state the day they claim I sat with a notary.

I called the lender’s fraud department and asked for the e-sign audit trail. The IP used for “my” signature? My parents’ Wi-Fi.

I emailed the notary. She replied IN WRITING that she “saw me over FaceTime” and matched my ID from a photo my mom provided. That is not legal. That’s “I didn’t do my job and now I’m part of a crime.”

Here’s what I have: the deed listing me as co-borrower, the fake signature and stamp, the lender’s e-sign audit with their IP, records placing me out of state, and last year’s police report from the secret credit card.

So I acted.

Filed a police report for identity theft and forgery with exhibits.

Filed a state notary complaint with her written admission.

Filed an FTC identity theft affidavit.

Sent a fraud packet to the lender demanding removal of my name and treating the acknowledgment as defective.

Extended my 7-year fraud alert, re-froze all bureaus, locked my USPS address, opened a PO box.

Retained a lawyer.

Sent my parents a written cease-and-desist: stay out of my finances. All contact is email only.

I’m not giving them time to “fix it quietly.” I’m not offering a refinance window. I’m not protecting them so my sister doesn’t “have to move.” If this loan collapses, it’s because they built it on my stolen identity. That’s on them.

“But she’ll lose her house.” If your roof depends on a forged co-borrower, you never had a house. You had a countdown.

This is absolutely ridiculous and I feel like I’m out of my mind. I thought this was all behind me I guess not. I’ve has some amazing help over the last year trying to piece my life back together but things are so shitty right now.

I don’t care if she ends up homeless fuck them im so done.

I (37F) left my husband (38M) earlier this year after discovering he was cheating on me with someone from his workplace. We were together for 12 years, married for 8, and I truly thought we were solid. Finding out he was sneaking around, lying to me for months, was the most gut-wrenching thing I’ve ever experienced. I found out over Christmas last year.

When I decided to leave, I asked my friends for one simple favour: please don’t maintain a relationship with him. I didn’t think it was unreasonable—he betrayed me, and I needed my friends to have my back as I tried to pick up the pieces of my life. Most of them understood, but one of my closest friends, "Sarah" (38F), completely ignored my request.

Here’s the thing: Sarah and I have been best friends for over 15 years, but she’s always had a weird dynamic when it came to my relationships. She used to make comments about how she was "jealous" that I always ended up with "the good-looking guys" and would sometimes joke that she "had a connection" with my ex even before he and I got together. I used to laugh it off even though it made me feel belittled, thinking she didn’t mean anything by it, but now I’m not so sure.

After the split, I started noticing Sarah acting strangely. She’d casually drop things into conversations that only my ex would know, like details about his new job or what he’s been up to lately. When I asked her about it, she brushed it off and said she read it on his social media.

Eventually, a mutual friend told me Sarah had been texting him regularly and even meeting for coffee. When I confronted her, she admitted it but tried to downplay it, saying, “We were friends long before you and him got together.” She said, “I’m not going to throw away my connection with him just because you two didn’t work out.”

What hurt even more was when she added, “I don’t get why you’re so upset—he’s still a great guy, and you need to stop being so controlling.” She said I was being “too emotional” about the divorce and accused me of forcing her to pick sides. Then she told me to stop always being the victim.

Here’s what really hurts: I don’t know what she’s been telling him about me. I confided in Sarah about everything—how hard it’s been to start over, how anxious I feel about my finances, and how much I’ve struggled with therapy. The thought that she might’ve shared those deeply personal things with the man who destroyed me makes me sick.

I told her I couldn’t trust her anymore and I stopped speaking to her. Now she’s texting me, saying she misses our friendship and thinks I’m being unreasonable for cutting her off.

So, Reddit, AITA for walking away from Sarah? Was I too harsh, or did she cross a major line here?

TLDR: I (37F) left my cheating husband and asked my best friend (38F) not to stay in contact with him. She ignored my request, continued talking to him, and even made comments about how she "had a connection with him before we even got together." I cut her off because I can't trust her, but now she’s texting me saying I’m being unreasonable. AITA?

UPDATE: Sarah sent me a long text message this week (December 2024), apologizing and wanting to regain my trust. She said that she missed me and wanted to know what she could do. After considering her words, (which on the surface sounded sincere) and remembering everything that was said on this comment thread, I wrote back a reply that in essence said, "I don't trust you, I don't see a path forward, you have hurt me deeply and betrayed my trust and I do not want to try and reconcile." Her reply back (and the final nail in the coffin of what I thought was a sincere friendship) was to attack me, bring up old sins from the past that were dead and buried (saying she only did what she did because she was angry for something she said I did YEARS ago) and tried to minimize what she had done or deflect blame. It was mean, and petty, and after I read it, I closed the message and just simply carried on with my life. Part of leaving my cheating husband was coming to terms with who I am, and what kind of treatment I am willing to tolerate. I don't need friends like her and I am at a place of peace about how this turned out. I didn't lose a friend, I gained some self-respect.

I know it's very early for me to post an update, and I wasn't planning on it, but after reading the comments on my first post, I decided I needed one final conversation with Chloe before I completely closed the door. I went to her house yesterday and I expected her to be emotional after calling me 82 times in one day, but she was surprisingly calm. I asked her the one question I still couldn't understand: why?

She admitted she'd been attracted to Emma's husband for years. She said what started as admiration eventually became feelings, and over time they crossed a line. Instead of ending it, they kept convincing themselves it would be the last time. She insisted she regretted everything.

I asked if she'd spoken to Emma.

She told me the only contact she'd had was one text before Emma blocked her on everything. Emma told her she'd destroyed their family, taken away her children's stable home, and that she hoped the affair had been worth losing a sister forever because, as far as she was concerned, Chloe no longer had one. Emma blocked her immediately afterward.

Chloe also admitted she later waited outside the school gates hoping to speak to Emma when she came to collect the kids. Emma refused to speak to her, warned her to stay away from her and the children, and told her that if she ever approached them again, she'd regret it. Chloe left crying.

I told Chloe her waiting outside the school, was completely inappropriate, regardless of her intentions. She insisted she only wanted to apologise and prove she cared about Emma.

I then asked if she truly felt remorse.

That's when I completely lost my patience.

Instead of taking full responsibility, Chloe started telling me Emma's marriage had already been falling apart, that Emma and her husband had been drifting apart for years, and that he often confided in her. She admitted the affair was wrong but repeatedly tried to place part of the blame on Emma, saying if their marriage had been happier none of this would have happened.

I was furious.

I honestly couldn't believe I had raised someone capable of thinking like that. I told her there is no marriage bad enough to justify secretly sleeping with your own sister's husband for four years. I told her I wasn't just disappointed—I was ashamed that she was my daughter. The more she tried to justify herself, the angrier I became.

The conversation eventually turned to her own divorce. She talked about how difficult everything had been for her and how her husband still plans to move to Washington with their son to be closer to his family. She said she may have to move there too if she wants to stay close to him.

As she spoke, I realised almost everything was about what she had lost: her marriage, her home, her reputation, and possibly seeing her son every day. Very little of it was about Emma or the damage she'd caused.

At the end of the conversation, Chloe asked if we were "cool" now.

I told her no. We were not "cool," and we might never be. I said that if I ever found it in my heart to reconcile with her, it would be on my terms and in my own time—not because she thought one conversation could erase four years of lies and betrayal.

I walked out feeling angrier than when I arrived. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I love both of my daughters, but after that conversation, I'm not convinced Chloe truly understands the pain she's caused.

FINAL UPDATE

I said after my last update that I'd come back one last time once things had settled down a bit, so this will be my final post.

First, thank you to everyone who commented on my last two posts. I read and replied to more comments than I expected. Some of them were difficult to read, but they gave me a lot to think about.

To answer the question I saw the most, Chloe's son is definitely her husband's. Chloe is white, her husband is Black, and their son is mixed race, so there was never any question about that.

The divorces are still going ahead. Nothing has been finalized yet, but neither couple is trying to work things out anymore.

A lot of people also asked about my sisters.

Yes, they knew about the affair before Emma found out. They admitted they stayed quiet because they thought it was a family matter and hoped it would end before anyone got hurt. I understand why they thought that, but I can't agree with it. Emma spent years being lied to while people around her knew the truth. I've decided to cut both of my sisters out of my life. I don't know if that will be forever, but they have broken my trust.

Over the last few weeks, I've spoken to both of my daughters separately.

I asked Emma if enough time had passed for her to even think about talking to Chloe.

She said no.

She told me she isn't waking up angry anymore, but that doesn't mean she's forgiven her. She said she accepted that the truth was always going to come out eventually. The only thing she could control was what she did after she found out.

She also said she has no interest in having a sister anymore.

As for her husband, she told me she's made one thing very clear. She'll only respond if it's about the children or the divorce. Everything else gets ignored.

What surprised me was that he hasn't stopped trying.

He's sent long apology messages, videos about forgiveness, and even Bible verses. None of us are religious, so that confused all of us. He keeps saying she was the only woman he's ever loved and that he made one terrible mistake. Emma hasn't replied to any of those messages.

I also found out something Chloe never told me.

In my last update I said Chloe told me the only message Emma sent before blocking her was that she was no longer her sister.

That wasn't true.

Emma later showed me the messages.

Before Emma sent that final text, Chloe had blamed her for what happened. She told Emma that maybe if she'd paid more attention to her marriage things would have been different. She also said that if her husband had felt happier at home, he wouldn't have looked somewhere else.

Reading those messages made me feel sick.

When I confronted Chloe, she admitted she'd sent them. She said she was angry, desperate, and trying to make herself feel less guilty. She told me she regretted sending them almost immediately, but by then Emma had already blocked her.

Chloe also told me she's moving to Washington once everything is finalized so she can stay close to her son but in Florida, they allow divorced families to stay so I don't know why his father is planning to move there to be closer to his family, and Chloe doesn't want to be too far away from her child.

She admitted she'd tried contacting Emma's husband after everything came out, but he never answered any of her messages. She eventually stopped trying.

She also told me she knows she'll never get her old life back, but she hopes moving will give her a chance to start over.

I told her that starting over doesn't erase what happened.

She agreed.

A lot of people asked if I've forgiven Chloe.

I haven't.

I still love her because she's my daughter, but I don't trust her anymore, and right now we don't have a relationship.

Maybe that changes one day.

Maybe it doesn't.

I honestly don't know.

This whole situation has changed our family forever.

Emma lost her husband and her sister.

Chloe lost her marriage, her relationship with her sister, and most of her family.

My sisters lost me because they chose to stay quiet.

This will be my last update.

I hope one day all of us can find some peace, even if we never become a family again. If I missed out some details I will respond in the comments.Thank you Reddit!

I (59F) have two daughters: Emma (35F) and Chloe (33F). Emma has been married to her husband (36M) for 11 years, and they have two children together. Chloe has been married to her husband (34M) for 8 years, and they have one 5-year-old son.

About six weeks ago, Emma called me just after midnight, completely hysterical. She told me she'd suspected for months that her husband was hiding something. He'd become distant, constantly guarded his phone, and was always finding excuses to stay late at work. That night, after he fell asleep beside her, she looked through his phone for the first time.

She found years of explicit messages between him and Chloe.

The affair had been going on for almost four years.

Emma was devastated. She kept asking me how her own sister could do this to her.

A few days later, we were at my brother's birthday party when Emma confronted Chloe outside. Chloe denied everything at first and insisted Emma had misunderstood. When Emma said she'd read the messages herself, Chloe completely fell apart. She started crying, admitted the affair, and kept repeating, "I don't know why I did it. I'm so sorry. It was the biggest mistake of my life."

Emma asked how four years could possibly be "a mistake."

Chloe had no answer.

The argument escalated into a screaming match. Chloe tried to slap Emma, but several relatives stepped in before she could. Chloe's husband quietly took their son home after realizing what had happened. Within days, he told Chloe he wanted a divorce. Emma also filed for divorce after her husband admitted everything.

After it all came out, Chloe called me 82 times in one day. I answered once because I hoped she was calling to explain herself.

Instead she cried the entire time, begging me not to abandon her. She said she'd already lost her husband, was probably going to lose shared custody of her son, and couldn't bear losing her mother too. She said she knew she didn't deserve forgiveness but begged me not to hate her forever.

I told her I couldn't look at her the same way anymore. I said this wasn't one bad decision—it was years of lying to her sister, her husband, and the rest of us. I told her I loved her because she's my daughter, but I didn't want contact with her for the foreseeable future.

Since then, I've ignored every attempt she's made to reach out.

This is where my family thinks I'm wrong.

My sisters say Chloe has already lost everything: her marriage, her relationship with her sister, many of her friends, and likely the family she dreamed of giving her son. They say she's genuinely remorseful, has started individual therapy, and isn't trying to justify what she did. They argue that if a mother won't stand by her child after they've hit rock bottom, who will?

They also remind me that cutting Chloe off means my grandson is growing up without his grandmother, even though he's done nothing wrong.

I understand all of that.

But every time I think about welcoming Chloe back into my life, I picture Emma reading those messages alone in the middle of the night, realizing that two of the people she trusted most had been lying to her for years.

I don't know if I can move past that.

My family says I'm punishing Chloe forever for something she already deeply regrets.

I feel like I'm simply refusing to pretend it never happened.

AITA?

I know a lot of people are used to seeing cheating posts and always thinking they are fake, but what would you do if you were in my shoes?

My (18F) boyfriend of a year (19M) expressed his interest in anal for the first time about 3 months into our relationship. I was open to it and we tried it soon after. I'll admit I couldn't tell if I needed to poop or not. I wasn't as relaxed as I could've been, and I was nervous I'd be dirty down there even though I showered beforehand. I tried my best to endure but it was just painful despite massages and handfuls of lube. Like it burned like I was constipated and finally crapped for the first time in days, just backwards. It also feels dirty, wrong (in the sense that objects are going in my ass instead of out), and (please tell me I'm not alone in this) really degrading. Especially because I know part of my boyfriend's interest in anal comes from his porn addiction prior to us meeting. I almost cried during the process, which I hid from him. He noticed I was eerily still and stopped less than halfway in. He was super understanding and held me afterwards as I was upset and felt like I dissapointed him. My boyfriend assured me we'd only do what I I was comfortable with moving forward, and that was it.

Until about 2 months later, when he started bringing it up every couply week, and very adamantly so. He doesn't like having his ass touched at ALL. Like he will spin around and half-jokingly cover his ass with both hands if I accidentally brush by it. So every time he brings up anal and I say no, to which he calls me lame, I tell him if he lets me peg him with a dildo his same size, I'll do it. To which he starts complaining and gets in his feelings. I think it's only fair. Maybe I'm being petty but I think if I get ass touched, he should to 😂. Not really, but I'm just about at my limit with him pressuring me to do something I clearly don't like. AITA for saying I'll only try anal again if he lets me peg him (never)?

UPDATE!!: I'm breaking up with him. This was my first ever serious relationship as my mom never allowed me to date until I turned 18. I didn't realize how problematic this behavior is or how there are numerous other ways he doesn't respect my boundaries. This was the unfortunate, slow burning eye opener 😭. Thank you guys!

I F31 have been married to my husband M33 for over 11 years. I will admit this may be the tip of the iceberg of our relationship but I need an outside perspective. This week I almost died.

For context, I WFH and my husband Works 3rd shift. When I get up typically I get our kid ready and on the bus and then get ready for my day. My Husband comes home around 730 and usually lays down for bed as i clock in at 8. He usually gets up around 330 to start his day, and i typically get off at 5. This is our normal routine.

This week was fall break and I was at lunch and made food for our daughter and I. We ate something new and I could tell something was wrong.

In about 15 minutes after eating my mouth was starting to go numb, and I was having trouble swallowing, my tounge started swelling and I realized I was possibly having a anaphlaxis reaction.

Ive worked in the medical field for 6 years, I was worried but not unsure of what I needed to do. I also live in a very rural area that takes a long time to get to by police or ambulance.

I woke up my husband and told him I needed to get to the hospital that I was having a severe allergic reaction and couldn't breathe well. He opened his eyes and asked what I planned on doing. I said leaving. Cause I didn't have time to continue that conversation.

I called a family member to come get my daughter. Explained what was going on and she reminded calm and said she would wait with her sleeping dad until that family member came. She's old enough to stay alone for 15-20 minutes so I felt okay for her to stay.

I left. Called 911 Explained what was going on. And decided I would go to the closest fire station and have an ambulance meet us there. I was able to make this drive but by the time I got there I was in bad shape.

I have the firehouse call my mom since I realized my husband wasnt going to wake up. And I get treated with O2. Ambulance arrives, I get a dose of EPI and fully black out.

I wake up in the back of the ambulance IV in my arm, EKG beeping having the paramedics explain that I am okay now, that my family is meeting me at the hospital and continued to ask questions to keep me awake.

When I got to the ER my mom confirmed my daughter was with my grandma and distracted from the severity of everything. Which I was thankful for. That she still couldn't get My husband to anwser but I was safe and would be okay.

Note my grandma did wake him up when she got there and told him where i was and that she was taking our kid so he could come to me. He fell back to sleep.

I ended up getting steroids, a second round of epi and had to be monitored for the evening. From the time this started to the time my husband called was 3 hours. At this point I was stable and resting.

He called asking where i was and if i was okay. He says he doesn't remember being woken up. Just waking up to no one home. I Explained everything again. And told him to just stay home at this point I was stable and our kid needed taken care of.

When i got home he got upset with me that I didn't try to wake him up hard enough. I said i did, and that I was actively unable to breathe and was not going to continue to repeat myself until I collapsed.

I want to be clear. My husband hates hospitals. In emergency situations he is hot tempered and reacts with anger first. He has never been helpful in these situations. He's usually another issue I have to contain or manage when is comes to this.

I am not mad he didnt come. I feel like he was awake enough to know what was happening and turned it around on me not doing enough to wake him to relive his guilt in not wanting to be there or deal with it.

I have been used to being the stable and steady person for my entire life. I dont panic. I understand that sometimes being somewhere when you cant control your feelings or fear can be worse than just just not showing up.

But, He could have called. He could have cared. He could have not turned it on me to release him from his own feelings of fear and guilt.

I know who I married. I wasnt ignorant to this side of him but it was something i could compensate for as his partner. Is it fair to us if what I need from a partner now is more than what he can give?

If not wanting to be the only stable and steady person in our relationship is enough to ruin a family.

Is it fair? Would I be an Asshole?

Update: Thank you everyone for your advice, comments and critisims. I plan on sitting down this week and really explaining to him all im feeling and carying. I dont think he is a bad person. He just may not be my person. There are a lot of events that have lead up to this point that I believe ultimately accumulate to I cant and dont trust him. Im willing to give us the opportunity to work on that in counseling.
I am not sure if this is something we can rebuild. All I know is im lucky to be alive, and I dont want to keep doing this alone.

Update 2: So its been 2 days since I had the talk with him. I went pretty bad at first. I Explained everything ive been feeling. How the past year ive been lonely in our marriage. That i have carried so much with our relationship and family by myself. That i was done being alone. He was upset, felt blindsided. Couldn't understand why i waited so long to say something. When i explained that ive explained it so much over the last 11 years and just got tired of asking cause nothing changed. He didnt believe me. He went on about our child, and how i couldn't afford to be on my own. (He and I make the same amount working) How I couldn't throw away 14 years of our lives over this. I never yelled, or raised my voice. I didnt cry. I was as numb as I could be. I gave him a few hours to process and when he came back, we had the most honest conversation I think we've had in the last 11 years. He asked for marriage counseling. I told him if he wants to try and save this, he needed to be the one to put in the effort. He needs to find the dr. Schedule it, check the insurance. Do it all. That i wasnt going to make this another job I have to take over. He's been doing research all weekend to find someone. He says he'll call tomorrow to set up an appointment. He's been putting in the effort since the talk but I told him that its consistency i need. That a week of trying and going back to how it has been wont work for me. I drafted divorce papers. Not as a threat but as a promise to myself. I wont live the rest of my life lonely in this marriage. I hope he keeps his word, i hope he changes. But we've also talked about if he doesn't. If he chooses to go back to his previous behavior. That im not giving in to routine. He's been in his head, making comments like how ill say I love you and he says I hope you do. Then he'll turn around and put in effort in things that ive been asking for months about. I feel like im getting whiplash. I dont know if he's accepting that he wont change and this is over. Or if he really will try and fix this.

Update 3: I am so angry. We started therapy. Our first homework we were given was to make lists. The idea is to think about if you were single make a list of things you do and don't want in a partner. Then go through and mark what traits are in your current relationship. Your not supposed to make a list about your current partner. It is ment to be general. I completed my list a few days ago and we were ment to have therapy today. We were to hold on to these and discuss in therapy. Something came up at work and I needed to reschedule. I went to turn off his alarms so he could get more sleep. And found out he found my therapy notebook [he had to look for it] and took pictures of my notes. I feel violated. It's not like we wouldn't go through them together but he made an effort to look for it. It's not something out in the open. I'm going to ask about it. If he lies to me I will not try any longer. He can't be like this. I can't handle it.

Final update: He lied. We're getting a divorce.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_Relationships/comments/1v5qmqw/aita_for_considering_exposing_my_estranged/

Some of you asked for an update, so here it is.

First of all, thank you for all the support and kind words on my original post. A lot of you told me not to make any decisions while I was angry and to focus on getting through the divorce first. I took that advice. I never contacted the media.

Now I’m officially divorced, thankfully we didn’t have any children. I did, however, have my own little bit of fun.

For years, I’ve hosted a huge garden party for my birthday, usually around 60 people — friends, colleagues, and people my ex-husband and I had worked with on different projects. This August, despite everything that had happened, I decided to organize it again and invited as many people as I could.

To my surprise, a lot of them showed up, including people I thought had sided with my ex. It turned out that many of them simply had no idea what had actually happened and were surprised that he wasn’t at the party.

So, as a birthday girl should, I got nicely drunk and told people the story — the cheating, the fact that some of our friends knew about it, and that my ex had pressured them not to tell me.

I also exaggerated a little and said I had pictures, screenshots and recordings proving the affair and that I was prepared to use everything in court and possibly go to the media. In reality, I had some screenshots and statements from friends, but definitely not the dramatic collection of evidence I made it sound like I had.

Apparently, when they brought out my birthday cake, I also raised my glass and said: “A toast to my friends — except the ones who knew about the cheating and didn’t tell me.”

I regret nothing lol.

A few days later, my ex contacted me through our lawyers asking what he could do to make the divorce as easy as possible.

In the end, I got the apartment, he paid off half of the mortgage, and he even covered my lawyer’s fees. The divorce itself went smoothly.

There’s an election next year. We live in a European country, and because my ex and I have moved in the same professional and social circles for years, quite a lot of people now know what happened. I’m still not going to the media. But if the story eventually reaches one of his political opponents and they decide to use it against him, well… that’s not really my problem anymore.

For me, this chapter is closed. I’m divorced, I’m moving on, and considering where I was when I wrote the original post, I’m actually feeling pretty good. Thank you Reddit, you made me feel a little less alone when I was at my lowest.

I (22) female and my boyfriend Matt (22) male have been together for a year and 8 months. Matt and i go to different universities in neighboring cities. About a 45 minute drive. Matt is in a fraternity.(important for later)It was Matt’s birthday on Friday and him and went out to dinner to celebrate. After dinner I went back to my university since I live on campus. The next evening I was on Instagram and I clicked on one of our mutual friends private story and I saw Matt and a bunch of his friends hitting and stomping on a piñata. By clicking through more of the stories I figured it must’ve been a surprise party for Matt since he had told me his only birthday plans were dinner with me. On the last slide of the instagram story I got a close up of the piñata and it looked exactly like me. From the hair color to the skin color even down to my septum piercing. There was no doubt that it was me. I was really confused and I screen recorded the stories then I messaged the friend who posted the story. I asked her if that was me as the piñata and she left me on read and removed me from the close friend’s story. This just confirmed my suspicions. The next day I texted him and asked how his party went and he acted confused and said he never had a party. I was confused as to why he was lying to me. I told him I saw it on (mutual friends) private story and then he completely stopped answering. An hour later he answered and said “yeah the guys threw me a surprise birthday party. It’s frat tradition not to talk about it though.” That’s when I asked him about the “me” shaped piñata. And I sent him the video of him and his friends destroying it. He told me that it was not me it was just a random piñata the guys had found. I told him to stop lying to me and that it was obviously me. I told him how hurt I was that he would allow his friends to do something like that and all he could answer was that they would kick him out of the frat if he didn’t accept it. I also brought up how if his frat had thrown him a surprise party why wasn’t I invited? I was only like 45 minutes away.I knew it wasn’t because it was only guys because the mutual friend who had posted on the story was a girl who goes to his university. And I saw in the story there were multiple girls there. He stopped answering me and hasn’t since. It’s been a day with no contact. I’m honestly considering breaking up with him over this. I’ve caught him In lies before but this is just too much. The video of him and his friends stomping the piñata was just so disturbing and to find out that my face was on it. We were planning on moving in together after graduation but honestly I don’t know anymore. Would I be the asshole if I broke up with him over this?

My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) have been dating for about a year.

Last weekend we went out to dinner. Everything was normal until the check came. He looked at me and said, “I’m not paying.” I said, “Okay… are we splitting it?” He shrugged and said, “Figure it out.”
I was confused because we’ve always either split the bill or taken turns paying.

After i got visibly uncomfortable and upset, he smiled and said he was “seeing what I’d do.” Apparently he’d seen videos online where women expect men to pay for everything, and he wanted to know if I was “that kind of girlfriend.”
I asked why he couldn’t just… talk to me if he had concerns.

He said people lie, but “tests reveal character.”
At that point I paid for my meal, left enough for the tip, and told him he could figure out the rest of his own bill since he liked tests so much.

He eventually paid and has been saying I overreacted to “a harmless joke.”

His friends think I embarrassed him in public. My friends think testing your partner is childish.
He’s still insisting I failed because I “wasn’t supportive.”
AITA?

EDIT: I dumped him, I will find someone who can respect me and not put me in a position of feeling uncomfortable or mistreated. Thank you all for the advice!

Backstory: Saturday was my (44F) birthday. My friend, who lives 2 courts down from me in our neighborhood, had bought some milk for me on Saturday as she was making a run to the grocery store, called me to see if I needed anything, and she offered to pick some up for me so I wouldn’t have to go to the store on my bday. My family and I ended up at that friend’s house Saturday night for some cake and swimming, but forgot to bring the milk home with us.
Onto the issue. I was in the middle of cooking dinner Sunday night when I realized I needed milk for the sauce I was making and that I had forgotten it at my friend’s house. I turned to see my husband (43M) and son (13M) on the couch, on their devices. I told them about needing the milk for dinner, that I had forgotten it at my friend’s house, and asked if one of them could go get it. They said something in response, but I couldn’t hear it clearly ( I had 2 pans going on the stovetop and the vent fan going) I heard my son say something to the effect of “not it”. I thought they were joking with each other to see who was going to get it.
I waited a few minutes and turned around to see them both still on the couch on their devices. I finished cooking my chicken on the stovetop about 10 minutes later and again, neither of them had moved. I was getting frustrated. It was time to start the sauce and neither of them had moved and my friend lives only 2 courts away. I started putting my chicken into a bowl when my son came and asked if he could go play with some friends. I said sure, assuming he and my husband had decided husband would get the milk. It was time to start cooking the sauce. I waited another 5 minutes and then approached husband. I asked if there was a miscommunication, and if he understood that I needed it for the meal I was currently cooking. He confirmed that he heard me, understood it was needed and said his shoulder hurt so he told our son to go get it. Our son had been sitting on the couch, 5 feet away from him and never moved til he went to play with friends. Seriously?!
I stopped cooking everything midway through the meal, washed & put away all the pans I was using. By then my son was home. I was fuming, but wanted to make sure I hadn’t missed anything. I asked them both “I just want to be sure before I go, neither of you went and got the milk?” And they both said no.
So I left. I was pretty sure they thought I was going to get the milk, but F that. I went to McDonalds, got myself a big ol’ value meal, parked at a beautiful park and ate the entire meal while listening to good music for about an hour.
When I came back home with an empty McDonalds bag in my hand, my son asked me “did you go to friend’s house to get the milk?” My response was “no. Did you?”
This may sound like a big response for a little thing, but I had already planned the meal, shopped for the meal, and was in the middle of cooking the meal. They couldn’t walk or drive 2 blocks to grab the milk for me? It would have taken them 5 minutes.
So AITA for stopping cooking dinner for my family midway through, and leaving to get fast food for myself only?

Okay to start off: no I did not cheat on my husband. All of our children were conceived by the two of us having sex.

About two years ago our daughter was having some bloodwork done and my husband noticed that her blood type didn’t match his or mine. This led to accusations of cheating, which while hurtful, were understandable from his position. Our daughter also has some features that likely come from my dad’s side and none of us ever knew him. But to settle the matter I insisted we get a paternity test.

It turned out that the “father” was essentially a close DNA relative, over 50% matching DNA. My husband was an only child and his father had been dead for many years. After a lot of questions, my MiL tells us that my husband absorbed his twin brother in the womb. And so I guess my husband’s testes are his twin brothers.

My husband has been really upset by this and keeps claiming that our kids aren’t “really his” and recently even cried in my lap about how he was never going to have a “real legacy”. I was fairly supportive, even in spite of his initial accusations about my faithfulness, but at this point I started to feel like he should just realize it doesn’t actually change anything about our family.

After an argument last night where I told him he was blowing it out of proportion and needed to move on and just focus on what we’ve built together, he took off to stay with his mom for a few days. Now I’ve got my own mom calling me and telling me I should be more sensitive to his feelings. Am I the asshole?

Reposted from r/amitheasshole

Update:. We had a conversation since I posted the original post and he wants to get tested to see if one of his testicles has his own dna, or look into other options and try for another child. I’m not sure if I am ready to have another child with him, but I am also not sure if our relationship will last if I refuse.

He has also insisted that it’s “easy for me” because our daughter has my dna. But I would love her even if she was adopted….

Update 2: After telling him that I don’t care about his “genetic legacy” (which was admittedly harsh in retrospect but this was after hours of being very diplomatic) and that if we did try for another child in the future it would be the natural way or with a donor if he became unable for whatever reason, he said that he was going to hire a surrogate. Obviously this is ridiculous and while he does have the financial means, we don’t even know if he can have children with his primary DNA. I froze some eggs and he wants to use them, which I told him was fine to end the argument.

If he did go through with it I feel like I would have to raise the child but I’m not sure how to get him to calm down and slow down. I know people are suggesting therapy, but he doesn’t want to even entertain it. I did get him to agree to see a rabbi with me though so maybe that will help.

I can't believe this has happened to me, but I need some outside opinions because my friends are calling me the asshole. English is my second language, so sorry. I'm 31F and my now-ex, "Milly," is 34F. We've been together for 10 years after meeting in our first year of university. We've always wanted children, so 3 years ago we started saving for IVF. We both earn good money and saved enough within a year.

We decided I would carry the baby and Milly's brother would be the donor. The pregnancy went smoothly, and I gave birth to our daughter 2 weeks ago.

For context, I'm Wasian (my mum is fully Korean and my dad is white), while Milly is fully white with ginger hair and blue eyes. I have black hair and brown eyes, and her brother looks similar to me.

When our baby was born, I was over the moon. That changed when Milly saw her face. She started screaming and crying that the baby wasn't hers. Exhausted and confused, I said, "Well, of course she's not. We're gay, Milly." I assumed she was panicking about becoming a parent and would calm down.

Instead, she accused me of cheating with an Asian man. I reminded her that I'm Asian and that our donor is her brother, so obviously our baby could look Asian. She kept calling me a cheater, so I asked her to leave if she couldn't calm down. She stared at me and said, "It must be true then," before walking out.

I was completely confused. I'd just given birth to our IVF baby, and she was accusing me of cheating. Thankfully, my family lives nearby and were already on their way to see me.

When I got home, I found Milly had taken a lot of her things. I called her and her parents, but nobody answered. I called her brother, who was shocked she wasn't with me. After I explained everything, he said he'd talk to her and figure out what was going on.

Two days later, Milly finally called. She was calmer but still insisted I'd cheated. I explained that it was impossible because we'd gone through IVF and she'd attended all my appointments. She said that was just a cover-up.

I was crying and furious. If she could so quickly believe I was capable of betraying her, I didn't think I could stay with her. I told her we should break up, and she agreed, though not before calling me horrible names.

Four days later, she showed up at my door, apologised and asked to get back together. I told her I couldn't look at her the same way anymore and couldn't move past what she'd done. She started crying and screaming, so I shut the door.

I still can't understand how she could leave me alone immediately after I gave birth to our child over something so stupid.

I told my friend what happened, and she was furious with me. She said I was throwing away 10 years over "one week of misunderstanding," called me a dickhead and told me to make up with Milly.

But I don't think I can forgive her. She abandoned me for a week after I gave birth to our child because she convinced herself I'd cheated.

AITA for breaking up with gf for accusing me.

Me (27F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been dating for two months. We have so much in common, he's super sweet and always goes the extra mile for me with grand romantic gestures, even asking me out by buying me my favorite comic book and leaving a sticky note between the pages confessing his feelings. I've never gotten anything but amazing vibes from him this whole time until now. However, BF has a childhood friend (27F) I'll call Syd. My boyfriend was very upfront when we started dating that he and Syd had romantic feelings for each other in the past but decided it would be best they only stayed friends since they didn't want to risk their friendship. I never actually met Syd before and have only heard about her from BF and vice versa.

About two weeks ago, my BF texted me, super distraught, telling me that Syd called him, saying that she was too jealous of my and BF's relationship and that she couldn't stand being BF's friend while he was in a happy relationship with me. She basically gave BF an ultimatum of him having to break up with me or she would cut him out of her life. I was baffled by this, thinking that this 27 year old woman, who had mutually agreed with BF that they would never date, was so childish to give him a ridiculous ultimatum and I voiced that to him. He got mad at me, saying "It's not that simple" and seemed to be seriously considering breaking up with me just to stay friends with Syd.

I was in disbelief that he couldn't see how manipulative and abusive this was, and that the obvious conclusion would be to cut her off since she was clearly toxic and controlling, but he was still on the fence and we ended up taking a break and not talking while he "thought it over". The next week and a half, he barely talked to me, telling me he's in a very hard place while I became increasingly frustrated that this would even be a hard choice. Like, we're in a happy relationship, and he's debating breaking up because his crazy friend can't handle her jealousy? I was fuming.

He then finally came to me after that time of not talking saying he decided to "choose me" and leave his friendship with Syd behind, but by that time I was so mad that it was even a choice that took two whole weeks to decide to begin with that I ended up breaking up with him anyway.

Now his friends are telling me I'm an asshole for not breaking up with him sooner because now Syd is still cutting him out for picking me over her AND I'm still leaving him, whereas if I had broken up with him during the weeks he was "thinking it over", he would have at least been able to stay friends with Syd. But honestly, I didn't even realize how mad I was until he picked me and made it seem like he was some kind of martyr for doing so. AITA?

UPDATE: Apparently, Syd has completely cut EXBF off and blocked him on everything. He is begging me to take him back, even contacting my friends to attempt to convince me (luckily, all my friends are telling him to eff off). He wrote me some 2000 word essay on how I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and that he was blinded by his happy childhood memories of Syd. I also found out they slept together in the past before we started dating, so that's cool! But it was just "a one night stand" to "see what could have been." Either way, he was definitely hiding more about his relationship with Syd than I was told. I don't really care anymore. I'm not taking him back. He's a grown-ass man who should have known better than to ghost me for two weeks to "think it over" as if things would be the same after he decided to "pick me". Doubt anything else interesting will happen but I might update if it does. I'm honestly just hoping this will be a reality check for him, and he'll get the message. At least his friends have stopped bothering me.

My sister (31F) and my husband (31M) had a short relationship back when they were in high school, it wasn't anything major but most of my family knew they were dating nonetheless, fast forward to my husband going to a near by state school and my sister leaving town for college, they broke up but they still remained good friends, in the mean time, me and him got closer and we started dating, my sister was cool with it as they had left off on good terms and they didn't have any romantic feelings towards each other anymore.

fast forward to now, me (28F) and my husband have been married for 2 years and are expecting a baby girl in October. My family usually has a big dinner every 3 months to get in touch with the whole family, we were supposed to reveal our baby's gender at this specific dinner, I had it all planned, my sister had ordered a big cake since she was the only one who knew the gender of the baby. The cake was brought out in the middle of our gathering, once we cut it open it was revealed that we would have a baby girl, I was thrilled, but my family and my husband were hoping for a boy, that's when my parents commented that we should try for a boy next time, it was a joke, we all laughed, but then my husband said "why wait that long?" and winked at my sister, in front of my whole family, my sister laughed at that and said it wasn't a bad idea, i was confused as to what they were implying so i questioned them about it, and my husband said "well, we could always spark up an old romance". I was so embarrassed and upset that i walked away from the table and stormed out of the house, got in my car and drove to my best friend's house.

When i got there, i broke down crying, i couldn't understand why they would hint at something like that, especially when they know I've been cheated on before, when i explained the situation to my friend she was also confused and comforted me, i slept over at her house, and I'm still currently there, but i woke up to multiple missed calls and texts from my family, mainly my sister and my husband, everyone including my mom and dad think I'm overreacting and it was just "a light-hearted joke". My sister wants me to "stop acting so childish" and go back home to my husband, i was too angry to look at any of my husbands texts.

So, AITA for leaving and refusing to respond to my husband after he made a joke about cheating on me with my sister?

I (36F) have been married to my husband "David" (38M) for 10 years. We have two kids, ages 7 and 4. We live in a four-bedroom house that we worked hard to buy. We have a comfortable life, but we're not rich. We budget carefully.

David's younger brother "Jake" (33M) got married last year. It was a huge, lavish wedding. His parents "Robert" (65M) and "Susan" (63F) sold their family home to pay for it. They told everyone it was their "gift" to Jake and his wife. They spent over $150,000 on the wedding and gave Jake the rest as a down payment on a house.

David and I were shocked. We got married at a courthouse with a small dinner afterward because we couldn't afford anything big. His parents gave us $5,000 and said it was all they could spare.

Now Robert and Susan are in their 60s, they have no house, and they're running out of money. They're renting a small apartment and struggling. Last week, David told me they asked if they could move in with us. He said they have nowhere else to go and they're his parents.

I told him no. I said they made a choice to give everything to Jake and now they expect us to be their retirement plan. I said we have two kids and a full house and I'm not going to take on two more adults because of their poor decisions. I also said it's not fair that Jake got everything and we're left with the responsibility.

David got really upset. He said they're his parents and family takes care of family. He said I was being selfish and heartless. He said they're old and they need help.

I told him I'd be willing to help them find resources or contribute a small amount monthly. But I'm not willing to have them live with us. I said this is a consequence of their own choices.

Now David is barely talking to me. His parents are telling the family I'm cruel. AITA?

I (48M) have a daughter (17F) and wife (47F). I also have a sister (45F). My sister was quite close to us and has gained considerable wealth through her career in medicine as well as through businesses she has started. When my daughter was 9, my sister told my wife and me that she had started college funds for my daughter as well as the rest of my brothers kids. My wife and I were very grateful.

Time skip until now, my daughter and wife (as well as my brothers and their families) discovered that my sister was cheating with a coworker. The betrayed wife ended up reaching out and telling us exactly what she did and how her husband was planning to leave her for my sister. My sister did not and does not want to get married or have kids, and basically ended up kicking him to the curb.

I want to make it clear that I 100% do not condone infidelity. My wife and daughter have been taken aback by this, and made their anger clearly visible. When my brother ended up inviting my brothers and their families as well as mine and my sister for a holiday, they cursed my sister out to their face, with my wife calling her a wh@re and my daughter calling her a "homewrecking slut". My brother ended up hearing this and kicked my family out, and have chosen to not invite my wife and daughter to any event. After this, my wife and daughter cut contact with my sister, while I still stayed in contact.

My sister was very hurt by my wife and daughters actions. In her view, she was a very engaged aunt and a supportive SIL (which to her credit, she was), and she felt as though they were choosing a stranger over her. After six months, my sister had received no apology or even contact from my wife and daughter. She then called me and told me we needed to discuss something. She stated that my wife and daughter had made their decisions about her, and she would do the same; she would not be disrespected, and was choosing to split my daughters college fund evenly amongst my brothers kids. I did not protest this decision, and while I didn't agree with my sister, I did not try to change her mind.

After this, I went home and told my wife and daughter this news. My daughter is a rising senior, and now has to go through this admissions process. She and my wife were both shocked and viewed it as extremely unfair. They were already angry enough at the fact that my brothers wanted nothing to do with them, and thought that they were being punished by everyone for doing the right thing. My duaghter began to cry saying that she would never be able to afford to go to the college of her dreams. My wife asked what I said to my sister, and I said nothing. I stated that actions had consequences, and they were free to make their moral choices, and my sister could make her financial choices. They both called me an asshole and have been distant. So, Reddit AITA?

So I (28M) moved in with my girlfriend (23F) three months ago, we’ve been together for seven months, it’ll be eight just after christmas. We moved in together so quickly because my lease was ending and we knew we didn’t want to want a whole year to move in together.

Before moving in she told me my share was $400 a month plus half of utilities and half groceries. Which I happily paid, but we’ve had several arguments along the way. I don’t know the total of her mortgage but it was a slum before she did renovations so I imagine it was pretty cheap.

Firstly, she was upset with me not doing chores. I don’t see a problem with the house getting a little messy, but she told me to help out or pay an extra $100 a month to cover her time of “playing maid”. I paid the extra $100 and that was that. Though I find it ridiculous that she expects the place to be clean all the time and I could’ve put that money to use in many better ways. It’s not like I’m a slob but she doesn’t like dishes left in the sink, she expects them to be immediately washed or put in the dishwasher. She wants things cleaned as they happen so it feels like there’s no relaxing.

Then I wanted to get a dog. My girlfriend already has a dog of her own, one of the small breeds, he’s 14 so he’s not very playful or energetic, just a boring guy. I found a puppy I fell in love with, she was a purebred english mastiff and gorgeous. I told my girlfriend and she flat out said no, that she didn’t want another dog in the house bothering hers and she definitely didn’t want a puppy to ruin her newly remodeled house. I thought a nice compromise would be a cat, and she claimed she’s allergic but she’s never mentioned any allergies before. So there’s yet another thing I get no say in. It’s not like her dog is going to be around much longer, we could just keep the puppy separate from him until then. I’m sure after her dog passes she would find another excuse to not let me get a dog.

Finally I found out she owns the house. I had been under the impression she was renting, but she is instead paying a mortgage. I discovered this when I was checking the mail and found a reminder from her bank. When I confronted her she claimed she thought I knew because we were together when she was remodeling. I told her it was ridiculous for me to pay her rent when it’s her house, and this lead to a long and heated argument. I asked to be put on the title since I was helping her pay for it and she snickered and told me no. I told her I wouldn’t be paying anymore, she asked if I wanted help packing or if I could handle it myself. I asked her what she meant and she said I can help pay or I can find elsewhere to live. I asked if our relationship was over and she said we could continue to pursue it without living together. Naturally I flipped out because if we can’t live together then we have no future together. She doesn’t seem to care in the slightest and told me she expects me out by the end of the week. She locks me out of our bedroom so I’m stuck on the couch, she sits boxes and bags with my belongings in the hall every so often.

When I called my mom she told me I was being ridiculous and a “brat” but I feel like that might be because she doesn’t want me to move back home as the lease I had at my apartment ended when I moved in with my girlfriend so I think I need some outside perspective. As of now our relationship has ended, and my belongings are outside while i’m staying in a motel but I am open to trying to recover our relationship.

I’ve edited to add some clarification and elaboration to show I’m not a pos. We might not be compatible or maybe we’re both the problem, I don’t know.

AITA?

Hi, everyone, this is a burner account, so it wouldn't have ties to my personal account, but I feel like I'm not the bad person in this situation, and I want others' opinions before I decide to move forward with my husband.

I (25F) and my husband (29M) have been married for about 2 years now, and recently he's been giving off hints to me about wanting me to get a boob job for an unknown reason (For context, my breasts are not small but not big either, which I'm perfect the way they are, as I love my body for the way it is). But last Saturday, when we had a small get-together with our friends for simple socializing and drinks, my husband brought it up again, along with trying to encourage our friends to agree. At that point, I had enough, and with a straight face, I said, " I'll get the boob job if you agree to get a penile enlargement."

After our friends left, my husband blew a fuse, calling me out and embarrassing him over that ultimatum, which I disagreed with since he embarrassed me first by bringing it up, and it was only fair to give him what he deserved. Now my husband refuses to speak to me and is sleeping in the guest bedroom. So AITA?

Update!! I am home. Tired and drained. But I get to sleep in my own bed. I’ve gotten to spend some of the day with my kids and while the other part was spent taking a much needed nap. My dad is here. My mom will be here (parents are divorced but are putting aside their differences to be able to best support me) My kids are here I feel like I have what I need. I get the results at the end of the week hopefully.

My husband-he’s still up with his mom. I have not spoken to him but my dad did send him all the test results I have so far and there is a note in a section that says “suspected lymphoma” so he knows none of this was exaggerated. I believe at this point I know he knows he messed up. But I was shown a side of him I never saw before. I am not ready to file any paperwork because I need to get insurance set up but I just don’t know how to stay and I don’t want to stay now.
Thanks for all the encouragement!

I apologize ahead of time for the length of this but there’s a lot to this.
My MIL has been in the hospital for 14 days and it seems with every test they do, they find something else wrong with her. It went from her going home with some assisted living help to her going into a full care facility. Her medical issues are so extensive I honestly don’t believe she will live through all of it. Her prognosis is 3-6 months. I was very proud of my husband and his two brothers for the care and compassion they have shown their mother during all this. I have barely seen my husband in the past 14 days. He’s only came home two nights and left early in the morning to return to the hospital. He stays at his mother’s house at night (around 8pm) and returns to the hospital around 8 am.
Three days ago, I passed out at the store and was taken to the ER. I was in and out of it for some time. One of the hospital staff called my husband and he told them to contact my mom because he didn’t feel he could leave the hospital his mom was at (2 hours away). His mom is stable by the way. She’s is not on deaths door. I was admitted after they saw some concerns on my blood work. I called my husband to let him know what was going on and he said it’s probably nothing and I was probably exaggerating the seriousness of my illness. (I’ve been feeling really off these past few months, really fatigued) I hung up after I told him he had two other brothers there with his mother and he could leave to be with his wife even if just for a few hours.
My two kids are at home and scared and have my mom there with them so I don’t have anyone really. I’m alone and being told they think I have lymphoma(NHL) and are doing additional tests to confirm. Yes I am currently in the hospital. I sent a text to my husband and told him what they are thinking and he didn’t respond for over 30 minutes (he has read receipts on and I know he saw it) he calls and asks what I expected him to do. I told him I would hope he would want to come to the hospital and at least be some sort of comfort to his wife but he said his mother was in “worse condition “ than me and he didn’t feel he should abandon his mother. I asked if his two brothers were there and he said “that’s not the point”
I hung up and texted him not to bother coming at all. He sent a long text rant about how selfish I am and that his mother needs him there and he didn’t appreciate me making him feel like he had to choose between his wife and mother. I told him he can have his mother. He sent me a text that said he’s on his way to my hospital because “I’ll never hear the end of it if I don’t come” I asked the hospital to not to allow him access to my room. I have blocked his number at this point and am so hurt. I know he came to the hospital because the nurse told me he was trying to get access to my room but was denied. He didn’t even go home to see his kids. He went right back up to the hospital his mom is at.
AITAH? Should I have done something different?

5 weeks ago I underwent surgery to remove some tumours from my lungs, as doctors could not confirm that they were not cancerous. Due to some complications during the surgery, I ended up with my chest opened fully instead of keyhole. Fortunately, they were not cancerous.

After the surgery, I spent a week in hospital, and was advised to strictly rest at home for at least the next 5 weeks.

3 weeks after the operation (2 weeks ago), my husband had a vasectomy. He spent a couple of days in bed resting alongside me before he went back to work.

Housework went a bit on the back burner whilst we were both recovering, but my husband seems to think that once he had recovered, I should have recovered as well.

Hes refusing to do almost anything around the house, and says along the lines if "im not hoovering, you get up and do it" etc. When I remind him I had a major operation 5 weeks ago, I get hit with "well, I had surgery too".

I said to him "I know that you had surgery too, but a vasectomy and open chest surgery are not the same thing". He got pretty annoyed and said that surgery was surgery and that means we both get the same amount of recovery. He wont talk to me now and its been hours.

Now I'm wondering if I minimised what he went through and basically said to him that it was no big deal? Is that how it comes across?

My fiancé (40M) and I (32F) have been together for several years. We met through church and started dating after becoming friends. We've had a long relationship, but it has never been easy.
Throughout our relationship, I often felt like I had to be the one pushing things forward. Whenever I stepped away or became distant, that was when he would finally take action. It always felt like I had to fight for the relationship.

I've always been a chubby woman. I've struggled with my weight since childhood, so body image has always been a sensitive topic for me. I'm not extremely overweight—just a few extra pounds that I'd like to lose for my own health. I've never wanted to be extremely thin. I like having curves.

One of the reasons I felt safe with him was because he never made me feel like I needed to change my body to be loved. He always encouraged me to eat healthier for my health, not for my appearance, and he repeatedly told me he liked curvy/chubby women. Over the years, that helped me build confidence and self-esteem after spending most of my life feeling insecure.

One of the biggest issues in our relationship is that he has never been very open with me emotionally. He also delayed talking seriously about marriage for years. Even after we got engaged, he never told his own family that we were engaged, and he wasn't very involved in planning the wedding.

Then, just before we were supposed to go to the registry office, everything changed.
He told me he wasn't attracted to my body anymore. He said he had been struggling with my weight for a long time but didn't know how to tell me. He also admitted that if the registry office appointment hadn't forced the issue, he probably wouldn't have said anything.

He also told me that he wanted me to lose weight before we had children. From what he said, I understood that he wanted me to become much thinner before trying for a baby. He also said he would be unhappy if I got pregnant soon after the wedding because he wanted more time first.

This conversation happened shortly after I had gone through a pregnancy loss. I was already grieving and emotionally overwhelmed because several difficult things were happening at the same time. Instead of feeling supported, I felt devastated by the way he spoke to me.

I ended up canceling the wedding because I couldn't get past how that conversation happened. It wasn't only *what* he said—it was *how* he said it and the timing of it.

Now he's upset that I canceled the wedding. He says I shouldn't have done that, and he still wants to get married. He has apologized and keeps asking what would make me reconsider. But I honestly don't know.
That conversation completely shattered my trust. Before that, I was already insecure because of our relationship history. Now, every time I look at him, I remember that conversation and wonder whether he truly accepts me.

I'm also questioning other parts of our relationship. He has always been emotionally reserved, he rarely takes initiative, and I've often felt like I carried the emotional side of the relationship by myself. Now I'm wondering if I ignored years of red flags because I wanted marriage so badly.

The wedding is currently canceled. I don't even know if I want to get married anymore—not just to him, but at all. Something that used to make me happy now fills me with anxiety.

Am I overreacting for feeling like his words permanently changed the relationship? Is this something that couples can realistically recover from, or is the trust already gone?

My recent ex invited me to a wedding. He’s pretty wishy washy so I wasn’t too sure it’d happen. But he got the tickets and set everything up.

He is VERY easily offended and almost hyper sensitive. This has been pretty exhausting for me as I’m a pretty easygoing person and most days feel positively.

The week before the wedding, he got distant and upset. He informed me this was because I went to the beach to read without asking him. And he had assumed I may have worn something skimpy bc of the weather (something he genuinely just made up lol)

Eventually that blew over and we head to the wedding. Neither of us get much sleep the night before. When we get to the airport and he’s handling our bags, I turn to him and say “I really need to use the restroom, brb” and give him a kiss. When I came out from the restroom he was gone and had already gone to security. I found this strange but just called him to see if he wanted me to grab any snacks. He didn’t answer.

We mostly sleep on the plane and then when we get off he informs me that since I want to be “so independent from him” by using the restroom without asking him to come, I need to leave him alone. Things get very ugly from here. He accuses me of flirting with the parking attendant lady bc I chuckled at her joke. He says im “too open to the world” and am not on “his team” bc I went to the restroom. ATP, I’m over it, but im in a small Floridian city with no direct flights back home until the next day. On top of that, his family is there excited to see us. So I have a decision to make: fawn and make the best of it or make it an issue. I chose to make the best of it bc it’s someone’s wedding after all and meant to be a joyous time.

Wedding festivities commence and things are mostly okay. I get along with everyone, I’m having a good time. I can sense he is beginning to get upset again and try to increase presence and affection to offset whatever negative feelings are coming up for him. This sort of works but he tells me I deserve better than him.

We fly back the next day. Things are mostly ok but I kinda have the ick based on his tantrums prior. He makes another comment about my “independence” when I wanted to stop into ULTA for mascara while he was in the grocery store. Then we have a silly conversation about a pretty classic album. He says he didn’t hear it until recently and I noted that that wasn’t that crazy given his family isn’t from here so it’s not like he heard it growing up. I mentioned I knew the album because Mom played it while getting ready. This pissed him off. He told me I needed to be careful, listen and stop speaking when he tells me to.

At this point I just laugh, pack my things and leave bc I’m kinda disgusted by him and his behavior. He’d never been smaller to me than he was in that moment and the constant tiptoeing around his big feelings is just gross to me like he’s a toddler that missed his nap. But I feel some guilt bc his family was so warm and loving towards me. His mom was very excited. And it feels like bad form to meet someone’s whole family and block them the next day lol.

But ultimately I fear him bc I never know what will set him off and who he will become when it does. And I think that’s reason enough. Right?

Yes. You read that right. Me (29) and my boyfriend (30) have been together for over 2 years. My boyfriend has a child with his ex. We do not have any children. Today my boyfriend out of the blue asked me if I would ever consider letting him have another child with his ex. His reasoning is because his son will grow up without any full siblings and how that’s not fair to him. He also mentioned how I have said I won’t have a child with him until we are married which will be a few years from now, so his son would be way older than his half siblings. I told him I understand but no, I would not be okay with that and if that’s the route he chose to go then I would remove myself from the situation entirely. He got upset with me for saying no and told me I’m selfish and simple minded and that he’s just thinking of his son.

For a little additional context, his son’s mother and I do not get along at all. She has harassed me in the past to the point of a restraining order, so this is not a neutral situation. I do understand where he’s coming from with wanting his son to have a full sibling but I feel like he is asking me to put myself in a pretty unfair situation and I know I will not change my mind. I love my boyfriend dearly but him even asking this as a hypothetical has me questioning our relationship. I’ve done all I can to not end things tonight and block him. WIBTA for deciding this question crossed a line for me that I don’t think I can come back from?

Update #2 (Can't make another post, so have to edit here):

Well, my wife and daughter did try to sue my sister. They went to six consultations, and all six said they had no case. So, that clearly isnt happening.

They've decided to take a different approach, which is harassing my sister, and my wife and daughter both got their friends involved in doing so. My sister sent the messages my wife and daughter's friends were sending to her, and they were quite nasty. On top of this, they called the hospital where my sister works and informed them of what my sister did, and said they were "boycotting" the hospital (my sister works in a pediatric hospial, and is a pediatric neurosurogeon - not exactly a service that is "boyocttable"). They were basically trying to get her fired. I guess since my wife and daughter can't access her money, they want to try to take one source of the money away from her, and that's how they are getting revenge. This did not go anywhere, as the hospital is already aware of my sister's actions.

My sister has shifted from pissed to just sick of this situation. I've apologized for the harassment she's been receiving. She has informed me that if they make any physical threats, then she will be taking legal action. I hope that it does not come to that, but honestly who knows at this point.

I am 99% sure my marriage is over. I cannot live with someone with this much entitlement, and this much vengance. I can't do it.

As for my child, I will always love her and want the best for her; however, I do not like her entitled attitude. While I will support her, I cannot back this behavior.

As for my sister's participation in infidelity, my sister and I had a longer, calmer conversation. I explained to her that I was disappointed by her actions, but would always love her and be there for her. We sort of went into why she did it - that's private, so I won't share it here. It was a productive convo, and I learned more about my sister.

Overall, I'm just sorta done. They are still at my wife friend's house, and are barely communicating with me, and whatever is being communicated is in rage. I've given up on trying to get them to see reality.

If y'all have seen my last post, I have an update for you. My wife and daughter have gone to stay with my wife's friend. Additionally, my daughter decided to text my sister, and demanded the money, and said we would be suing her if she did not release the funds to us. On top of this, she doubled down on her comments, saying she stood by her mom and her words.

My sister sent me the messages my daughter sent, which is the only way I know they were sent, as neither my wife nor my daughter has chosen to inform me. She said before finalizing the decision to divide my daughter's fund, she consulted her legal team, and that they have no grounds for bringing a lawsuit to her.

At this point, I am incredibly disappointed in my wife's and daughter's behavior, and find their entitlement astounding. My sister has also told our brothers about my wife and daughter's ridiculous plan, and they are appalled by their actions as well. I don't know what to do, and it seems like they don't want to accept the consequences of their actions. They are using my sister's cheating as an excuse to do whatever the hell they want without telling me. I don't know how much of this I can take. I have apologized to my sister for their rudeness and entitlement, but I can tell she's very pissed - not at the fact they disapprove of her participating in infidelity, but at the fact they think she owes them over half a million after cutting her off and cussing her out.

Some people were wondering what happened with my sister's job as a doctor, and whether she was fired or not. The answer to that is that nothing really significant happened. While they were both told their behavior was unprofessional, there were no power imbalances, and they both just received a warning. Some people hypothesized that perhaps my sister facing no consequences was why my wife and daughter felt they needed to do what they did. Perhaps there is some merit to that, but I do not believe it excuses their actions.

Also, I saw comments saying the only reason why my brothers were siding with my sister was for her money. I don't believe this is entirely the reason, maybe a small bit of it. They've always been very protective of her since she's the youngest and only girl. Also, they do pretty well for themselves - not as well as my sister, but still pretty well. While she's given money to them, it is a much smaller amount compared to the amount she supported my family. They just like her more than my wife and daughter, and prioritize the time spent with her.

I also don't understand everyone who wants me to cut my sisters and brothers off. My wife and daughter made their choice to mind business that was not theirs, and faced the consequences. Losing my entire family of origin because of decisions that were not well thought out does not seem worth it to me. We've been treated just fine until two members of my family decided to disrespect my sister in front of the rest of our family.