My brother in-law (Sammy) lost his home shortly after his divorce 10 months ago. He moved in with us and brought his twin daughters (Olivia & Sloane18) with him a couple of months ago. His sister (my wife) and I have one daughter (Zoey 16) and she and her cousins aren't close but get along fine.

Olivia & Sloane have no respect for Zoey's privacy, none. they used to walk into her room and take everything they get their hands on. Makeup, phone accessories, clothes, school laptop etc. Zoey complained a lot and I've already asked the girls to respect Zoey's privacy and stop taking things. My wife and Sammy saw no issue with this. After all, they're girls and this's typical teenage girls behavior. I completely disagreed.

Last straw was when Zoey bought a 60$ m.a.c makeup-kit that looks like a paintset that she saved up for over a month and one of the girls, Sloane took it without permission and ruined it by mixing shades together while using it. Don't know much about makeup but that's what Zoey said when she found the kit on her bed, and was crying. I told my wife and she said she'd ask Sloane to apologize but I got Zoey a lock after I found she was moving valuable belongings out the house because of this incidence!!!

Sammy and his daughters saw the lock and weren't happy, the girls were extremely upset. Sammy asked about it and I straight up told him. He said "my daughters aren't thieves!!! it's normal that girls of the same age borrow each others stuff" he said Zoey could easily get another makeup kit for 15 bucks from walmart and shouldn't even be buying expensive - adult makeup in the first place and suggested my wife take care of this "defect" in Zoey's personality trying to appear older than she is. He accused me of being overprotective and babying Zoey with this level of enablement.

I told him this's between me and my wife but she shamed me for putting a lock on Zoey's door for her cousins to see and preventing them from "spending time" with her saying I was supposed to treat them like daughters, then demanded I remove it but I said this lock does not get removed til her brother and his daughters are out of our house.

She got mad I was implying we kick them out and said her family'll hate me for this. so I reminded her that I let Sammy and his family move in which's something her OWN family refused to do so she should start with shaming/blaming them for not taking their own son and nieces/granddaughters in. if it wasn't for her family's unwillingness to help we wouldn't be dealing with this much disturbance at home.

Everyone's been giving me and Zoey silent treatment and my wife is very much upset over this.

I’ve enjoyed reading and posting on this sub for many months now, and I feel like I’ve noticed a disconcerting trend, lately. Over time, more and more of the posts seem to have A- a universal consensus on every post, with any dissenters massively downvoted and B- a shift towards judgments that seem (to me at least) to be out of step with how people in the real world judge situations.

Given that, I think it’s important to remember that even though the sub is not intended to be for validation posts or to be an echo chamber or to give advice on how people should behave in specific situations- in practice, a lot of times it is.

So just as a reminder- offline, people in your real life will think you’re an asshole if you take the last cookie when you know the child behind you wants it.

They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t stand up for an elderly person on a bus. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t go out for drinks with your co-workers once in a while. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you don’t try to be involved in your child’s life, no matter how much support you pay. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you can’t help out your brother with babysitting once in a while, even if you’re childfree. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you wear nothing but underwear in your own home when your roommate has guests over. They’ll think you’re an asshole if you can’t detour for 10 minutes a day to carpool with a co-worker for a week while his car is in the shop.

The internet has its own values, and that’s fine. But in the real world, people who can’t just go along to get along most of the time? People who don’t want to mildly inconvenience themselves to help out the people around them? People who don’t seem to put any stock into the idea of collectivism? The people around them are going to consider them to be assholes.

So yeah. I love this sub, I love reading the stories and I find it very interesting to hear people’s opinions. But I personally think that probably more than 50% of the time, the people I know in real life would disagree with the sub’s judgement of who’s the asshole in a given situation. I don’t know if the disparity is just because of reddit’s demographics, or because people with alternate perspectives see the writing on the board and don’t want to get down voted to oblivion.

So even if you get 4000 replies on reddit saying that you’re totally in the right, if everyone in your real life thinks you’re an asshole, well… there’s probably a reason for that. And maybe this is just me, but I really wish we could have more discussion about if someone is being an asshole if they’re being inconsiderate or selfish, even if they don’t technically “owe” anyone anything.

Or maybe you believe that people offline are wrong, and we should continue to promote the individualistic value system seen on reddit both on and offline. That's a discussion worth having too.

Edit: Thanks guys, this is very interesting discussion so far. And lol don't just downvote the people who disagree with me/you, engage them without being combative.

Edit 2: I’ve never seen this movie, but it’s come to my attention that there already exists in this world an excellent TL,DR: “You’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an asshole”

I'm back like I said I would be,. My original post got a lot of attention and seeing as you guys seem interested, here's my update.

Well, since that day I made the post i've been staying with my grandfather. The week's been honestly a huge change for me for better and for worse but i'll try to run it down.

I started by telling my grandpa the story of why I broke down the way I did and to be honest, he seemed horrified. No one in my family knew my parents were using me as essentially a free care service for my sister. My grandpa told me some things that I don't feel comfortable repeating here but in essence my sister is "supposed" to be getting care from a professional and that my parents were ignoring that, along with this I was not supposed to be caring for her at all with her mental state as apparently she is a danger to herself and others. With everything else I told him, along with stuff like the movie indecent he was really mad and told me to not contact my parents without him there. He pretty much told me that he would be meeting with my parents beforehand and that he was going to be there when I sat down with them. It didn't end here either, the rest of the week consisted of other family checking in on me and telling me things my parents hid from me. This included the fact that my parents have been taking money from family to fund a "caretaker" that doesn't exist.

Suffice to say, this week has been rough. But, the upside is that even through all this, my extended family has been giving me more love than i've felt in a while. My grandfather spent this last week "making up for the time i've lost." Encouraging me to spend time with friends and do things I want to do. My aunts and uncles have also been helping me through the week.

Well, Saturday night I sat down with parents to talk. It went badly to say the least. They came clean to me about everything. They told me things I will not repeat here. But they did not apologize. My parents still claim that I some how owed my sister my time. My father even saying "You were put here to be her caretaker". I won't lie and say I was composed. After everything i learned I confronted them. On the fact that my sister needed a caretaker. The money my dad was taking from his sister, and a few other things. They denied it or made excuses. And in the end, we ended off in a worse place than before.

Today will be my last time talking to them for a while. After talking with my grandfather and uncle last night, I'm not going back. Later today i'm going there and picking up my stuff and moving in with my grandfather. When I graduate high school i'm planning on leaving the state to go to school. My aunt has told me that the money she was sending my dad will be instead be coming to me from now on. My parents have called me twice since Saturday, neither of them were to apologize and only ask when I was coming home.

I won't be going back to them. Right now I still feel pretty uneasy about everything but I feel like that will pass. The rest of my family is showing their support to me and honestly, it feel great. But in the end I lost my parents. Over all of this, i've learned something that I wished I saw earlier. I don't hat my sister. In fact I love her with all my heart. I should never have never projected my hate onto her. That was wrong, and someday I hope to make up for it. But for now I need to leave.

So, there's my update. Thanks again for the support my original post got. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to comment or show me support. Thanks you.

Edit: Thank you all so much! I wish I could respond to every single one of you but my lunch only lasts so long. I'll update tonight how the move out went but until then, thank you all. I want to say that your support has been amazing and your kindness means more to me than anyone could ever imagine.

Late edit: Wow, I never imagined my story would reach the popularity it did. I know it's kinda cliche and i've said it a thousand times but thank you all.

We just got back from moving my things out of my parents house. Every thing I wanted to take my grandpa and uncle helped move and it's at my grandpa's house now. I have my birth certificate, social security card, and every other document and record I could think of. My parents were quiet the whole time I was there. Shorty after I arrived my dad left with my sister and my mom only hovered over us silently as me moved. It took a while but as we left she broke down and told me she loved me and would miss me. I hugged her and said goodbye, and that was it. Even now I sit here and think if she really meant it. After this whole week of her not saying anything she waited till the end. I hope she meant it. Right now though, I think I just need to look ahead. Maybe one day me and my parents can reconnect. I hope so.

Thank you all for the advice and love. It's been amazing and i'm glad that through this experience I at least got some positive out of this mess. Will I come back? I don't know. If something happens and you guys still want an update i'll maybe come around again. But for now I'm going to move on. For all those out there who shared their stories with me, thank you, and I hope to see you on the other side. See you space cowboy's :)

I'll try to keep this short. I had a 1967 Impala 4 door that I bought in Feb 2019. A couple months ago I bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. I moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. I had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. About two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. She wants to park in the garage but I have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. I tell her tough luck its my house and its not like I can just throw it back together real quick. Anyways I was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company I work for. When I got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. Making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. I though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then I realized that I didn't see her car in it's usual spot. I asked her where she parked so I could make sure I mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. I asked how and she told me to go check it out. Turns out that while I was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. I was absolutely dumbfounded. I had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. I told her that I was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like I was being dramatic. I told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. I admit I was a really angry but I did end up getting a lawyer, and as I have all the receipts for all that money spent and I have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all I think I can win. Her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money I spent, and that I should just let it go. But I have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if I am not going to get justice for what she did. AITA

Edit: Thank you all so much for the support and awards and everything. I'm glad I have some people on my side. I got a call from her mom about 20 minutes ago and she told me that i was ruining her daughter's life over a stupid car. I told her she ruined her own life. I've been gathering documentation and stuff and I'm about to head down to the police station and file a report, as suggested by lots here. Once again thank you all

UPDATE : went to the police station last night, was told to come back in the morning. just got back and filed an official report against her for grand larceny and grand theft auto. i showed them all the receipts i had for the car and the footage of her letting the guys come and take it as well as the title for the vehicle in my name. they said they will be in contact with all 3 parties (me, ex gf, and junkyard guys) soon and they will hopefully be able to recover some or all of the car. just have to wait now

HUGE UPDATE : THEY FOUND MY GODDAMN CAR!! the junkyard guys apparently were in the middle of hiding it when the police came to ask them questions. it was on a forklift and they were gonna put it on top of a pile of cars that was hidden behind more piles of cars. they said it was theirs and they had the title, but obviously didnt have the title for it and since they matched the vin on the chassis and body to the vin on my title, it was obviously mine. I know at least one person there has been arrested, i think he was in the camera footage i talked about earlier but idk if it was the boss or whomever or even his specific charge, they also told me they would be looking into this specific junkyard for any other vehicles reported stolen. they said they haven't been able to get in contact with my ex just yet but they're working on it. im just so glad they found my car. luckily i made quite an album of pictures detailing me tearing down the car and so i can use that to prove what parts they had were mine so i can hopefully get most or all of it back. police haven't let me take it back home yet as they say it is evidence or something so hopefully i can get it back eventually. thank you all so much for the support and advice! SHES GONNA BE ALRIGHT

I want to sincerely thank everyone who commented. Everyone’s comments were appreciated, including those that were less than pleasant.

Since I received such great advice on my original post, I felt like I had an obligation to update. And I’m trying to follow through on all aspects of my life, even internet ones.

The funeral service was held this past Thursday. Before then, I brought all the advice I received online and brought it to the real world and talked to both my therapist and sponsor about how I was feeling and what I should do.

My sponsor was straight with me and told me that I would be putting myself in danger by going and that I should do something else that day to grieve.

When Thursday rolled around, I was a mess. I seriously considered both just going to the funeral or using again but instead I grabbed my dog and we went on a road trip.

We went to the beach and just hung out the two of us.

I’m doing okay this week, but obviously am still not doing great.

I haven’t reached out to any of Marcy’s family and I don’t plan to. I understand now how devastating that would be.

That’s it. Take care everyone.

I am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. My coworkers who work weekends are:

James - the owners son, he goes to my school. He's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy.

Danielle - A college student who sometimes works weekends too.

So sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. Like literally blow up about nothing. I dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... Like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids.

So James and I were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs.

So one day I was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... Which I couldn't do a thing about because I gave it to him right out of the machine.

So James came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. So he was just like "OP, this is unacceptable, you're fired."

I started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, I need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave.

The angry guy started to backtrack, like "It isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. I didn't mean it" and James was like "No, we pride ourselves on the best customer service"

Of course after all that drama I still had my job, we were just acting. And we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at Danielle or I, James will storm in and "fire" us. And almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. It's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences.

Anyway, I was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired.

AITA for this joke?

I am a nurse practitioner and I am the primary care provider for a lot of the low risk maternity cases at the practice where I work. I also work hand in hand with the doctors and midwives to create a healthy maternity, birth, and postpartum situation.

My fiancee is completing her residency. We live together and have for a few years now. We aren't in any hurry to get married. We originally had plans to do so a couple of years ago but then we got really busy for two years.

It is driving my very religious parents crazy that their youngest son is living in sin. I don't really care. I'm an adult and I do what I want. We are getting married in June.

So we are visiting my parents for Christmas. The way it came together this year everyone is at my parents house. So that's my folks, my three siblings, myself and fiancee, and seven grandchildren. So seventeen people.

At dinner my mom starts going on about how she is so glad that we are finally getting married and she won't be embarrassed at church any more. And my dad says how proud he is of his three older kids who all either waited to get married before moving in together or got married right away after moving in together. My fiancee was getting embarrassed and I was getting mad over this stupid argument we have had too many times. And a family dinner was the last straw.

I have asked them repeatedly to just accept that they cannot control how I live my life. I refuse to stay with them when I visit even if I come alone. Hotels are just easier.

So I started talking about a premature baby I had been reading about. It was almost three months premature and weighed about 1.6 pounds. It was super strong and healthy for being born so little and the NICU had high hopes for the baby doing well.

My mom and dad both got deer in the headlights looks on their faces. To bad. Should not have fucked around with my fiancee's feelings.

So I asked about my oldest brother. He was born almost four months premature. Is there a chance that we could check out the family album where we keep all the records of family births and stuff.

I already know my brother was over 9 pounds and almost 23" long when he was born. My grandmother told me all about it the first time my parents tried to shame me.

The subject gets changed very fast. After supper my parents told me that I should not try to embarrass them with private things that are not my concern. I told them that if I heard anything about my living arrangements ever again for the rest of my life I would make sure to keep bringing up the FACT that my mom was in her second trimester when they got married.

My parents are mad at me for telling them how to behave in their own home. But my fiancee is happy that they seem to be off the subject for good.

AITA?

Hello, everyone. First of all, thank you all for the kind words, support and love that everyone has offered and given. These weeks have been the most difficult I have ever experienced and it is with great sadness that I tell you all that my beautiful and cat crazy wife, has passed. I've had to cut this short due to character limits, sorry all. But, she did leave all of you a note, Reddit. I've copied everything verbatim below. She truly loved everyone and was smiling so much after her first post. I'll take my leave here. Much love.

"Reddit! If you're reading this, I am dead. Pretty crazy to be talking to a dead person, eh? It feels a bit strange to be writing this. If this feels a bit disconnected, I'm sorry. I have to take frequent breaks as I get tired pretty quickly now. My husband offered to write these words (such a sweet ham, I know. Be nice to him, okay?). But, I wanted my last words to be written by me. Long story short, we talked to my parents. A lot of people asked about why my husband wasn't planning the funeral and my parents were taking control. Honestly, my parents didn't take the news of my passing to come well and I suppose their closure(?) was to try and take control of what they could. I'm not angry at them for it, I understand. They had already pre-paid a large portion of the service and to put it plain and simple, it was a shit hand they were dealt. So, we talked to them. I laid it all out for them and somehow, we reached a compromise. Lots of tears. Lots of hugs. And surprisingly, lots of laughs. They admitted that they had been losing their faith with everything that had happened and their way to attempt to find it again was to take control and "guide me" into the afterlife. Not my thing though and I explained that I am not them, but their daughter who wanted to live her last weeks in peace, not the turmoil they were putting me through. And while a lot of people stated that funerals are for the living (true true), I firmly believe that a funeral is for the living to remember that person as WHO they were, not what anyone else wanted them to be. My parents seemed to understand when I told them that. They were not on board with the party favor aspect though, kind of a bummer. Pretty lucky to plan my own funeral, honestly. But, now that that is all said and done! Thank you, guys. I was blown away by the responses.I was moved to tears and I wish I had had the chance to meet every single one of you. You all be good now, ight? Take it one day at a time and fucking enjoy yourself! You only get one life, unless you're someone who has survived death than you're just a fucking hero and probably a cat with a few lives to spare. I love you all. I'm resting easy now. This disease sucks and I'm happy to be rid of it. And laugh and love and cry and be sad. Shit happens. I've got to go now, I'm gonna go snuggle my husband and my cats. Keep it real, Reddit. Love you, all!"

Note. My step-daughter, Madeline, was about a year old when I married her mother, Jessica. Madeline’s father died before she was born.

Madeline is currently 15, and she’s rebelling for almost everything. She did something bad, so while picking her up, I set a punishment up for her. Then she said “You’re not my dad. I don’t have to follow you”. Honestly, I got a bit hurt from that. But I understand that she didn’t mean it, and that she’d probably change. I just replied “I’m still your legal guardian for the next 3 years, and as long as your in my house, you have to follow my rules.”

That happened about 2 days ago. So our family was going grocery shopping, when Madeline said “I’m hungry. I need food.” I decide to be extremely cheeky and say “Hi Hungry, I’m not your dad.” My son just started to laugh uncontrollably. My daughter was just quiet with embarrassment. And my wife was berating me “Not to stoop down to her level.”

I honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. And my son agrees. So AITA?

Edit: I did adopt her. So legally I am her parent.

Mini Update: I’ll probably give a full update later but here is what happened so far. I go to my daughter’s room after dinner and begin talking with her. “Hey. I’m really sorry that I hurt you by the words I said. And I am really your dad. I changed your diapers, I met your boyfriend, and I plan on helping you through college. And plus I’m legally your dad, so we’re stuck together. But seriously, I’m going to love you like my daughter even if you don’t think I’m your dad. Then I hugged her. She did start to cry. I assume that’s good.

I have a sister that’s 6 years older than me.

My parents for years cancel on me last min because of my sister. I have a basketball game. Ops sorry sister doesn’t feel like going out. I am graduating ops sorry sister had a bad day at work. They have missed both major and smaller events in my life because of her melt downs.

I met the love of my life. We decided to tie the knot. From the beginning I told my parents how I am worried my sister will ruin another special moment in my life. My mom told me over and over again it would not happen.

The day of my wedding. I received a voicemail from my mom saying they couldn’t come because my sisters dog was sick and she was upset.

I was hurt, my best man however is a jokester. He took my phone then went to my fiancé and asked if he could post a video of our wedding as a gift? On social media. She loved his idea.

I had no idea about it until I came home. Our honeymoon was at a lake side cabin. No cell service.

The post caption was “My best friend. He is an amazing person even if his parents NEVER showed up for him. video was still pictures of us next to her parents, me on the dance floor, cutting the cake. Where you would normally see both parents in wedding pictures. The sound behind the video was my moms voice mail explaining how they couldn’t come because my sisters dog was sick.

I came home a week later to hundreds of messages. Family members from both sides insisting I take it down. I was told my sister hasn’t stopped crying. My mom is refusing to leave the house.

I maybe the A here. I didn’t take it down when I got my messages. I didn’t call my family back right away. I waited until my vacation time was over at work and enjoyed my time with my Wife. In our new home. Before I contacted anyone.

My dad told me to take down the video. It was “just a bad night for them”. That they will make it up to me and my wife for not coming. My reply was exactly how do you plan to “make up” my wedding? It’s a once in a life time thing. You choose to ignore my feeling on the whole matter.

Then he just repeated he will make it up to me. I told him I would take down the video only when he made up missing my wedding. Flustered we both hung up the phone before we both said things we shouldn’t have.

Am I the A here. I could have just taken down the video.

We had a family dinner this evening. My family has four kids in total: me, my elder sister (29F), younger sister (24F) and youngest brother (22M).

Extended family attended our family dinner. So all of our significant others, our cousins, aunts and uncles etc. During the dinner my elder sister and youngest brother got into a mild disagreement. My sister seemed (at least to me) to be coming across as very aggressive out of frustration and losing said argument. The two of them were too absorbed in their argument to realise the rest of us were getting a bit fed up.

Eventually my sister got really fed up and said “Shut up, I’m not going to argue with a 22 year old virgin.” My brother hadn’t done any personal attacks up until that point, it was completely unprovoked. I think it might have been the alcohol as my sister is a mean drunk.

Anyway, I immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was making an embarrassment of herself. She replied by saying everyone knows he’s a virgin and she didn’t say anything wrong. This annoyed me as my bro definitely has confidence issues and doesn’t need to be made fun of like this.

So I responded by saying how she slept with well over a hundred men while she was in college, and that since everyone in the family knows this it’s not a big deal right? Turns out her husband didn’t know this amazingly, I genuinely assumed he must have known. he left the party angrily saying my sister mislead him about her past.

Family is blaming me for their marital problems. I refuse to accept I did anything wrong. My sister bullied my brother in front of everyone, all I did was give her a taste of her own medicine.

I’ve become frustrated with how quick a lot of AITA commenters are to encourage OP’s to leave their partners when a challenging experience is posted. While leaving a partner is a necessary action in some cases, just flippantly ending a relationship because conflicts arise is not only a dangerous thing to recommend to others, but it deprives people of the challenges necessary to grow and evolve as emotionally intelligent adults.

When we muster the courage to face our relationship problems, and not run away, we develop deeper capacities for Love, Empathy, Understanding, and Communication. These capacities are absolutely critical for us as a generation to grow into mature, capable, and sensitive adults.

Encouraging people to exit relationships at the first sign of trouble is dangerous and immature, and a byproduct of our “throw-away” consumer society. I often get a feeling that many commenters don’t have enough relationship experience to be giving such advise in the first place.

Please think twice before encouraging people to make drastic changes to their relationships; we should be encouraging greater communication and empathy as the first response to most conflicts.

About a week ago, my (39F) family ordered Chinese food for delivery. When the delivery driver came to the door, my daughter (16F) was taking the cat upstairs to put in her room because he always tries to eat the food. My son (13M) loudly says, “Make sure the hide the cat from the Chinese guy!” as I am at the door getting the food from the Chinese delivery driver. He very obviously heard what my son said and was upset by it. I quickly apologized and took the food.

I told my son that racist jokes were completely unacceptable and very wrong and he refused to admit that he was in the wrong. So, later that night I forced my son to write a sincere apology to the delivery driver, (his name was on the receipt) as well as write a one page paper on Chinese culture and a one page paper on why racism is perpetuated by racist jokes and stereotypes. Then the next day I took him to the restaurant and had him read his apology aloud to the delivery driver as well as give him the papers he wrote. The driver was very appreciative of the apology and thanked me for making my son do it. He then told my son about multiple instances where he had faced racist comments and attacks from people while he was a delivery driver.

That night my husband (43M) and I got into an argument about me making our son do this. He told me that it was embarrassing for our son to have to do the apology and that the “punishment didn’t fit the crime”. I told him that it was much more embarrassing for the driver to have to face that kind of racism and racist stereotypes and that our son would get over the embarrassment. I do not condone any kind of hateful thinking in my house, and the fact that my son said that embarrassed me as well. My husband told me that it was “just a joke” and it wasn’t that big of a deal. I feel like I might have over reacted some but I think it’s important to help my son understand how what he said was wrong and hurtful.

My aunt and uncle are paying for my cousins college.

My dad had a college fund for me, but he had stipulations like he wanted nothing below a B for grades and to pre approve any classes I take, weekly meetings to discuss grades and a bunch of other stuff. Which would be fine if you have a normal dad. Mine isn't.

My dad has a temper and I spent 6th-12th grade stressed out about grades and being screamed at or grounded over things that sometimes weren't even my fault like a teacher not updating online grading and an assignment being marked "missing" because of it. And getting my back pack and locker randomly searched by him for no reason besides "to make sure I'm not hiding anything ".

I decided to pay for school myself because of 1 not being stressed over getting screamed at 2 I didn't feel like constantly worrying that he'd disapprove of a class or a grade and decide not to pay. Which I could totally see him doing. I'd rather be in debt than controlled for 4 more years.

I just finished my first year.

Well my family got together on the 4th and... well sometimes they're nosey. They were talking about my cousins school and my uncle looked at my dad and said "well how much is - my name- school costing you?"

I said "what are you asking him for I'm the one paying for it?"

Later on my dad was pissed off and said that it was out of line to say that and I embarrassed him.

I didn't do it to embarrass him, I was just being honest. He doesn't even know how much tuition is so he was the wrong person to ask.

AITA

Hello!.

I don't know where to begin...it's been an absolute nightmare recently. And I feel like I was losing my sanity.

So for more details about my situation. I have to admit that my husband's mom favors him over all his siblings. this affected his relationship with them and me as well. He's never seen an issue with how differently his mom treats him, it bothered me and made me feel uncomfortable. The whole dynamic made me feel uncomfortable. Going Low contact has never even been an option. Like he has to see her or call her everyday.

Most of his siblings don't talk to him and I 100% believe it's because of his mom's favoritism like I said. He does bare some blame for not seeing how wrong this is til this day.

In many instances I found myself making excuses for his behavior. Even in my post. I did it spontaniously and I don't know why. But I guess it's because of how much I love him and because I really really wanted to be able to work things this type of things out without letting them affect our marriage.

regarding what happened with the trip, He tried to have a talk with me and most of what he said came from place of blame, Blame towards me. I just couldn't continue with this argument. I told him I needed space and that I would be going to stay with my sister for a while. He didn't take it well, he literally got up from the couch and opened the door telling me to go right then. In that moment and seeing how he was still not even anywhere near understanding what he has done just....made things perfectly clear to me. I just had pictured years and years of my life being lived like that and I was like no...I can't do it, Can't take anymore of it especially when he keeps focusing on being right every time. His mom can do no wrong. I'm always the aggressive, crazy, jealous, pathetic, overreactor.

All these people's opinions, advice and concerns were like a spark...like the wake up call I really needed. Though I wish that it didn't get this far but what's done is done.

Right now I'm staying with my sister (I brought my dog with me as well) He sent me his last message telling I'm the one choosing to end what we had together but I believe it's the other way around, especially with how he keeps making his mom the victim in this situation. It's become clear now that we keep going in circles with no end in reach and I'm just so exhausted and overwhelmed. I'm not mad at him and don't expect him to change but...at least I'm given options to decide what's best for me and my future even if it's seperation and divorce.

A big thank you to those who reached out with resources that I feel very very lucky to have come across. Just wanted to give you an update since many of you asked for it.

Dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but I’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one.

We’ve always been a meat eating family, we live in the rural Midwest and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given. This year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and I jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. We learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, I adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc.

None of this has been a problem for me until recently. She saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then I rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. She exploded in anger (teen years, I’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, I know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was HER pan for vegan food. I was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not YOUR pan.

She asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food. I didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so I said sure, and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. The reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that I’m not to touch them unless I’m cooking vegan.

That wasn’t good enough. Now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal product, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because I eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home. I don’t mean I literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because I wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter.

frankly I’m on team hell no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request. My wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there, and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. My daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick. Now I’m sorry for her, but I feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side, because I’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house.

So it was my birthday couple months ago. Had a party. Got some gifts. My friend “Mandy” for me a “super cute bikini”. I liked it. Said thanks. She had ripped the tags off but whatever.

Anyway. Went to the community pool with my roommate. Wore bikini. Got in the water. Roommate immediately is like uhm girl.... I look and see that this bikini is now kinda see thru.

Haha good joke Mandy.

Anyway, Mandy invited me over to her place to hang out with her and her bf and a few others. Most leave and we’re still hanging out. I’m like hey, what if we get in your hot tub? I go change after them. And meet her bf in the hot tub she’s getting new drinks. I hop in. Immediately, he’s looking at my chest. I pretend I don’t notice and just make small talk. She comes out a few min after. And just looks in shock. Eventually gets in. “Uhh is that the one I bought?” Yeah I love it. I wear it everywhere. Make up some stuff about how I wore it to the beach, some party with lots of guys, etc. and she’s just like “oh”.

We’re in the tub for 20-30. Eventually get out and change. She approached me after and was like. “Uhm I’m sorry thought you’d notice. But it goes kinda see thru”. I’m like yeah I know why’d you buy me a ducking see thru bathing suit? “She’s like it’s a joke. Wait you knew? So you just spent last 30’ flashing my bf on purpose?” I reply I’m just wearing my birthday gift from her.

Anyway. Aita?

I was asked for an update on /r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g31n1q/wibta_for_planting_prickly_bushes_in_my_front/

About a week after my post I planted a 'wall' of blackberries and raspberries at the 2 sides of my garden facing the driveway, about 30 cm from the edge so no overhanging branches! On the other side of the berry wall I planted lots stuff like strawberries and tomatoes. To reach the tomatoes and strawberries from the driveway you have either go through the fruitbushes or walk up to my house, walk about 2m along the side of the house and my windows and then walk into my actual garden. Not something you do by mistake.

For about 2 weeks it was somewhat quiet but I still found the kids on my driveway every single days. As far as I know they did not enter the garden and I hadn't noticed them walking around my house anymore, so I figured the bushes were working.

About 1 week ago berry season started and my bushes are now full of raspberries and there's lots of strawberries as well. The neighbours noticed. First I caught the boys picking and eating raspberries so I told them off and dropped them off at home, told their mom I caught them stealing (that's how I see it even though it's fruit) and that I'd call the cops next time. She huffed and told me to grow up, but took the boys inside anyway.

After that it was quiet up until yesterday afternoon, when I went out for a while and found the dad and his 2 sons right in the middle of my garden when I returned, clearing my bushes and plants. I didn't even confront them, just called the cops from a distance as they hadn't noticed me yet and started filming them after making the call. Luckily 2 cops showed up after 10 minutes or so and they confronted the neighbour as they were still picking berries. They told them they were trespassing and that the berry picking was in fact considered stealing and that I could press charges. For the first time I noticed a bit of fear in my neighbour, he was having trouble finding his words and kept looking back at his house (I guess hoping his wife would show to yell at the cops). They all went inside with the cops, so I just went home as well.

After a while the cops came by and asked me if I wanted to press charges. I asked them if they felt like they scared the neighbour enough to stay away. I got a small smile and yes about him, but the wife had just kept shouting at them and her husband about the 'little bitch' living next door. I told them no for now, asked them if I'd be allowed to get an extra camera set up on the wall between my garden and the road to cover the entire front garden + driveway, they said that's allowed as long as it's on my side of the wall.

So, now I'm getting an extra camera installed, one neighbour knows I'm done messing around but his wife isn't there yet and if I ever catch any of them again, the cops will be called and possible charges will follow.

I was over my boyfriend's apartment this weekend and I was cooking dinner because he was studying for exams. I made pasta and a chunky sauce with meatballs and veggies. I told him dinner was ready and he goes "what's for dinner tonight, B*TCH" ... With like a lot of emphasis on the last word.

I was fed up, I'd had a pretty rough day with work and I have some awfully bad associations with that word being used by other people in my life who were pretty abusive. So I was so irritated that I dropped the pot of pasta sauce I'd been carrying right on the ground and was like "Well nothing's for dinner tonight now. And I better not hear you using that word again, it's for the girls"

He was freaking out about how sauce had landed on his rug and he even said "you're seriously acting like a bitch right now, I dunno what else to call it"

I just walked out and got takeout for myself and went to my friends house. She thought it was funny but my boyfriend was furious, he kept texting and calling and sending me voice memos trying to explain that saying "what's for dinner tonight b*tch" was a TikTok trend.... And that he was just quoting something as a joke to put on tiktok.

I thought that was the shittiest excuse ever, it doesn't matter if he saw it as a joke, or stole the "joke", it was still disrespectful.

But it didn't change the fact he thought that shit was funny, to demean me when I was trying to do him a favor. Like hell I came over when he was studying to make a home cooked dinner and he decides it's time for jokes? So I put my phone on don't disturb for the night and split a bottle of wine with my friend and her roommate.

The next morning he was sending me angry texts demanding I clean his rug because he was too busy with exams to do it. I was shocked he left it overnight, that's disgusting. I texted him back saying.

"Yeah so that's the btch tax honey :) leave me alone till you're ready to handle your own cooking and cleaning because this btch isn't anymore. Also it's vile you left that soaking in all night"

He called me and told me that he was okay with doing his own household work, but I did throw a full pot of sauce at the ground so that's on me to clean up.

I told him "yeah no I'm not comfortable doing chores for you if you see me like your b*tch"

He told me he didn't and it was just a "trend" and I got pissed off he was playing that "TikTok trend" BS excuse again and I told him "Well I'm starting a trend called 'saucing' where as a little joke people throw pasta sauce around! You can't be mad because it's just a little trend, a little jokey joke, just a little prank bro!"

He got really pissed off and hung up on me and now I'm seriously wondering if this dumb fucking tiktok joke is gonna be the end of things between us

AITA for how I reacted when my boyfriend asked me "what's for dinner tonight, b*tch"

Edit to address a comment I've gotten a lot and I don't have time to reply to every time:

"But did you tell him not to call you a bitch? Like how would he know otherwise?"

Honestly if someone has gotten to the age of 30 and not realized that women (as a whole) do not like having demeaning slurs used against them... They're beyond my help.

This isn't something that needs to be told. I shouldn't have to go through life like "Hey man just in case you were thinking I might like demeaning slurs against my gender used on me, I don't actually :)"

And if you were about to comment something like that, let me just tell you in no uncertain terms... WOMEN DO NOT LIKE BEING CALLED BITCHES BY MEN. DO NOT CALL WOMEN BITCHES. IF YOU NEEDED TO BE TOLD THAT IS UNKIND, CONSIDER YOURSELF OFFICIALLY TOLD. NOW YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE TO NOT "UNDERSTAND"

Context: My sister (F27) and I (18F) lost our dad a year ago. He was my only parent, mom was never in mine or my sister's life. Dad left money (inheritance) for me and sister and she used her inhertance to get new cars and renovate her house I live with my aunt right now cause my brother inlaw didn't let me stay with my sister. I'm planning on using my inhertance money to pay for college tuition (I've always wanted to be doctor but haven't decided which branch yet).

My sister & I haven't been close, it started after she got married to her chronically ill husband who was allowed to make backhanded comments about dad and mock his llness and make a scene at his funeral. only because he's ill and shouldn't be held accountable for his behavior. I've distanced myself But my sister kept visiting alot lately venting about my brother inlaws condition. He's been in & out the hospital for heart problems and in need for a surgery. She brought up my inheritance money several times but I end up cutting the conversation. She then straight up asked if I could help pay for her husband's surgery and she'd pay back in less than a year. I felt uneasy cause if I give her money from my inhertance which is a large amount then there's no gurantee she'll pay back before It's time to apply for college. I'm taking a year gap but I know my sister can't pay back that much and I felt I was risking my future.

I refused to help and she had a melt down at my aunt's house calling me heartless, cruel with no empathy. She said that her husband's health should be a priority and I needed to help because education is nothing compared to someone's health and asked if I'd be happy to see her as a widow and my nephew with no father. My aunt suggested others pay but most of them cut my sister and her husband off. I argued that her husband's poor health isn't my fault after she kept blaming and guiltriping me. She kept crying and although my aunt decided to stay out of it she said that I should be prepared for permenant damage in my relationship with my sister if I don't help her now.

She's been sending texts and pictures of her family telling me this is what I was saying no to, a happy healthy family with a healthy husband and father. I cried and felt like I was being selfish not good aunt and sister. I asked my friend and he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery and warned me if I give them money I'll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school.

I F30 don't have the best relationship with my husband's mom. Since day one she tried to make remarks and compare me to her ??. She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I do and sometimes even copying me like that one time when she LITERALLY dyied her hair purple just like mine and when everyone pointed out how ridiculous she looked, she actually blamed me and accused me of trying to make a joke out of her.

So, Anyways! My husband and I took 2 weeks off work to go visit some places out of the country - tourism in other words. Thing is I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip (my husband was responsible for booking the tickets). My husband's mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no. She called, texted, sent people to talk to me into letting her come, even threatened to call the police and make some complaint up to get us to stay if she can't come. My husband said we should just take her but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place. He gave me an ultimatim. said he wouldn't go if she can't come and I told him I'd gladly call his bluff which made him take his words back and say "FINE! I will tell her to stop it because we won't take her".

Things got quieter, suspeciously quieter. the day of the trip came and we got to the airport at 2pm. My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone. I asked him but he didn't respond. He lead me to the waiting area and first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage . I froze in my spot, I felt a cold wave washing over me and I was fuming inside. She and my husband were hugging that's when I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit. My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop. he tried to stop me but I told him off the harshest way possible. He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there "anyway" and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for us. I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home.

I went home and sobbed into my dog's fur for several minutes. turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing. an hour later he came home yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was to walk out and go home and ruin the trip last minute. I told him he caused this to happen. he said that I was being so hard on his mom it's ridiculous. I refused to fight any more but he kept on berating me then called my family to tell them that the trip was cancelled and that it was because of me. My family said that I shouldn't have ruined it for myself and should've sucked it up and done my best to enjoy.

Did I really overreact?

So, Ever since I had my son months ago, my husband has started making indirect comments about my body. He never says any hurtful words but I find his "observations" as he calls it hurtful. For example, he'd see me wearing an old top and say "oh that top used to look good on you but not anymore though..." or when he looks at my waist and says "Wow, didn't know your waist could get this wide!". Basically passive stuff that I tried to ignore til it extended to friends and family. FYI this went on for months and months and months!!.

We went to christmas celebration at his family's home. My SIL complimented my floral maxi dress and my husband said "I agree it looks nice on you...though I have to admit that your waist could get smaller than this!". Awkward silence took over. I was absolutely fuming and this was my last straw. So I got up from my chair in the middle of dinner and shouted at the top of my lungs "SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT MY BODDDYYY!!!!". He was absolutely speechless as his family stared while some others tried to get me to calm down but situation got more tense and dinner ended up being cut short and my husband storming off to his friend's place to spend the night upon leaving a very nasty text saying I embarrassed him and made a scene over an "observation" he made. He called me childish and told me to get therapy for my insecurities instead of verbally abusing him and scaring his family.

Now I feel like an absolute idiot asshole and like I ruined christmas for him and everybody with my over sensitivity. AITA??

I'm a 45yro single father of three. Theur mom died 10 years ago. I have 3 sons, 17yro Andrew, 15yro Connor and 14yro Max. Connor was born female, he is trans. He came out as trans 5 years ago, and has now socially transitioned, not yet phisically.

My sister (38F) just got married. Me and my sons were also invited. My family has known that Connor is trans for 2 years now, some have adjusted well, some not so much. My sister is pretty indifferent about it.

Her wedding was really super well organised to the last detail. She wanted all the men to wear shirt+tie and then women sundresses. I textednher a picture of our outfits the day before the wedding, and she said "where's Nia's dress?". I was a bit surprised and told her not to deadname my son and that he'll be wearing a shirt and tie like the rest of men there or we aren't coming. She said "fine" and that was it.

At the reception, my sister got mad that Connor was wearing a tie, but didn't say much after that. When we sat down at our table, the card "Nia". I went to my sister and she said she used "their real name". I told her me and the boys are leaving and she told me "don't you dare cause a scene at MY WEDDING, Nia can be a guy any other day". I called her a bigot and we left.

My family says I ruined her wedding.

(reposted with mod approval)

Original post:

https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/onxses/aita_for_telling_an_employee_she_can_choose/

TL;DR: Things turned out well for everyone involved.

Peggy reached out to me yesterday, apologized, and asked if we could meet for lunch.

We met up, and the first thing she did was apologize again. For the no call/no show, and also for her reaction to my response. She admitted that she knows I'm not sexist, or "ableist" (IDK if I spelled that right, there's a red line under it), and explained that she was lashing out due to her mental state.

I accepted her apology, and offered one of my own. Both for giving her too much responsibility too quickly, and also for reacting out of emotion.

She explained to me that she had a major issue on Monday, and without getting into too much detail, I'll just say that it was the anniversary of a bad thing.

She's taking all of her accumulated PTO (~9 weeks), and we've agreed that going forward, I'm not going to put her on the schedule on that day ever again.

She's admitted that she's not up to the role of manager. When she returns, she will be in the role of lead cashier, a role I created specifically for her. This way she can keep her raise, and not feel like she got a "demotion", but rather a lateral transfer. I've also let her know that if she ever feels like she's up to more responsibility, she can let me know, and I'll put her right back on track for the manager spot.

I've also let her know that if she's ever in a position where she's not able to call out, she can simply text me a thumbs down emoji, and I will accept that as notice that she will be missing her next shift. She's agreed that that will be ok, even when she's "out of spoons".

I appreciate all of the ~6000 comments my post got, even the ones calling me TA. Thank you all very much. I want to specifically address the folks who explained "spoon theory" to me, as well as those who commented about "peter principle", those two types of comments very heavily influenced my actions. I was able to better understand both her issue, and my own failures as a leader because of those comments.

Hopefully we can both move forward from this unfortunate incident and end up better for it.