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Damn proud to be here sober on 120 days! Nothing is easy but it’s so worth it! Here is to another day. IWNDWYT

This is my first time posting here. I've (45f) developed an unhealthy relationship with alcohol over the past several years, probably close to a decade. I think back to a time where I would have an occasional drink but it wasn't something that took up space in my brain and I feel amazed that I lived that way. Fast forward to today and I'm always thinking about my next drink. I rotate liquor stores, grocery stores, and gas stations so I'm not seen at any one place too often. I will try to sneak off to the store without my family knowing and I have hidden alcohol in the house. I think my husband has been struggling with it a bit too but if there's no alcohol in the house he seems more okay to go without it. I'm way more likely to be the one to go out and buy it. The past 2-3 years have been particularly bad and it has really affected my physical and mental health. I'm a runner, and while I do still run I'm nowhere near the fitness level I used to be. It's honestly the only healthy thing I do, but I completely sabotage any benefits/progress with the way I drink. I've gained about 15 unwanted pounds over the past couple years. I've tried to quit so many times I've lost count. I've taken short breaks thinking I could moderate only to end up worse off than I was. And here I am STILL thinking I can crack the code and moderate eventually. I know it doesn't make any sense. It's hurting me in every way possible and I'm tired of feeling controlled by it. But for some reason the thought of giving it up forever is scary. I love drinking and the way it makes me feel (at least at first). But then of course I end up tired, depressed, anxious, poor sleep, ashamed, etc. And I don't even want to think about how much money I'm spending on it. So anyway that's where I'm at right now. I've been following here for a while and reading all your stories makes me feel less alone and also gives me hope that I can overcome this. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Something I’ve come to realise is that barely anybody actually cares whether you drink alcohol or not. Most people are far too busy thinking about their own lives to give a second thought to what’s in your glass.

You don’t need a reason that someone else considers good enough. You don’t have to make other people comfortable with your decision.

If someone genuinely has a problem with you not drinking, pressures you or makes you feel awkward about it then perhaps they’re not people you need around you in the first place.

Your sobriety isn’t an inconvenience to anyone else’s evening. It’s your life, your decision and your business.

One of the most freeing things about not drinking is realising that you don’t have to defend it.

Stop worrying about what people might think. Stop preparing explanations for questions that might never even come.

The people worth having in your life will respect your choice.

I have never seriously tried for more than a few weeks. Yesterday I started drinking and couldn't stop. I made some poor decisions, but thankfully I am alive and not in jail.

I have to stop not just for me but for my wife and son.

feeling awesome. but not without some woes. last night, i was out with friends and we were waiting for a table to open up, so we went to a bar down the road. it was the first time since going sober i went to a bar with these particular friends, who know me as someone who never says no to a drink. i ordered an n/a sam adams ipa, but my eyes lingered on the cocktails and wine list. it felt unnatural for me to not drink in their presence at a bar. then, i looked up and saw a man from my AA group who has always been so kind and welcoming to me. he was leaving, i'm not sure he saw me (and he prob wouldn't have approached me anyways outside of group.) i felt reassured that we're everywhere, us sober folk. and i'm glad today that I'm sober. IWDWYT.

My wife has been struggling with drinking for years. We would drink together for most of our relationship but she started drinking in secret, before work, etc… I was a pretty heavy drinker but would never drink alone or before work. I stopped drinking over a year ago to help myself and also to support her and try to help her quit drinking.

She had a decent run with AA for a few months but the cycle of me being suspicious, losing trust in her, and eventually finding alcohol hidden somewhere has continued to repeat itself up until 2 days ago. She seemed off in the morning and I asked her if everything was okay and if she had been drinking or had any alcohol in her purse. She said “I promise I don’t”. And then I asked to check her purse and immediately found alcohol in it.

This really broke my heart as she was openly lying to my face and I think it was the final straw for her seeing me so hurt. She agreed she needs professional help and can’t stop herself from drinking right now.

We found a recover center through the help of a crisis hotline and after two trips to the airport (thanks to the nationwide grounding canceling the first flight) we finally got her off yesterday morning.

I’m feeling pretty much all the emotions right now: hope, fear, loneliness being the main ones. Strangely, after all this time worrying about her now that she’s safely with professionals I’m starting to have cravings for a drink myself for the first time really since I stopped.

Classic lizard brain keeps coming up with reasons like “oh you can reset your not-drinking clock and we’ll have both stopped around the same time”. Hoping to stay strong, I worry that she’ll feel guilty if I drink while she’s gone and feel like that won’t help with her recovery either..

I relapsed after a little bit under a month. i then went on a binge wed-sat. i feel hopeless. The hangover and the anxiety are at an all time high. i am absolutely terrified of what's next. i truly don't know why I do this to myself and expect different results

I’ve been sober ten days! No real point to this post other than to immortalize the fact that, for the first time since I was 15, I’ve gone 10 days without drinking. I feel like I’m no longer in a fog and I’m starting to feel like myself again. Cheers everyone ✨✨

I’m in the service industry, starting as a bartender at a new bar/restaurant that’s opening next week, and I just went to cocktail training. They made about 12 different drinks, poured tasters of a few liquors, and passed them all around. I stuck to mocktails while i watched everyone else drink. I straw dipped one drink I was intrigued by, and it tasted like rubbing alcohol (despite being a super sweet flavorful cocktail) and I wanted nothing more to do with it.

Stoked on being sober as I leave this training!

I'm 4 years sober, and my daughter is 3 years old. She's never seen me drunk, and I intend to keep it that way. My wife and daughter keep me going during hard days, and I will forever be in debt to them for that. Thank you for the support, and stay sober.

Happy Sunday everyone!

I woke up, put a pot of coffee on, and am now sitting on the front porch, wrapped in a cocoon of a blanket on this 32-degree morning. The sunshine warms my face. I notice the ferns swaying in the wind before me, hear the church bells down the block, the lawnmower buzzing down the street, the rustling of leaves, and my thoughts are of these. I am not sitting here, thinking about my next drink. I am not plotting my day around breaks to sneak away and get more alcohol. I am not pre-gaming my errands for the day- or that event that will give me "oh so much anxiety". I am simply being.

I enjoy my mornings now and notice more of what's before me. The future doesn't seem like it's imploding in on me anymore; rather, I am marching towards it with resurfaced plans and newfound ones, too. I'm beginning to feel like my old self: excited to reach for the paintbrush or decorate a room in the house, to see how this sober winter will feel; to use this season to grow into the person I am meant to be.

Life is getting better all the time.

IWNDWYT <3

I stopped drinking when it got too bad. I was having hour long panic attacks, was depressed, couldn't socialise, dropped out of uni. Most days I was just hiding in my room playing video games, drinking and laying in bed. I kept everything to myself because I was just too anxious to say anything. I was drinking for too long so for me it was natural to feel this way. I thought "i'm the problem". However, my family noticed, my boyfriend was concerned, so I couldn't hide anymore.

Since then, I decided to turn my life around. I have a new job, travel more, cook for myself. I still play games but without the drinking part and I bonded with my old gaming friends. I got out of the everyday spiral of overthinking if alcohol is the death of me and if I'm a failure. I'm more productive, focus more, sleep better and random pains around my body dissapeared. Since my cortisol levels dropped, I'm not anxious all the time. And the best part: alcohol just left my mind, since I'm occupied with other things. And when I do think about it, I'm just disgusted how it ruined my life before.

My advice for people that want to quit: change your scenery, talk to someone you trust, don't let the alcohol tell you that they hate you and they don't care. It's the total opposite. Maybe they're waiting for you to finally open up and ask for help. Yes, it's hard the first few days, but it will all pass.

You are loved ❤️

It’s been a hard time, times are turning. Things feel hopeful.

Love to hear people's experiences and opinions.

I am 50 days sober (yay!). My partner and I routinely go to our favourite resort in Mexico in the winter for reprieve from the harsh winter here. The resort is luxury and the food and amenities and views are amazing so drinking isnt the only thing to do and its not a "party" resort per se but its all inclusive so there is a lot of drinking around, bars etc, and obviously before I would take advantage of that lol. I am concerned about being sober there... I really want to go because I love it there, and tbh right now I have been handling cravings really well but I am concerned. Does anyone have experience going to an all inclusive sober? how was it?

Been at it since I turned 18. In that time I’ve probably not gone more than a week without a drink. That stops today. I’m done with pissing off my partner, done with pissing money away, done with wasting weekends hungover in bed. One day at a time, I Will Not Drink.

Hi everyone,

I am doing well in my sobriety, 15 months in and feel proud and happy.
Yesterday I was having a lovely afternoon at a Board game cafe with former colleagues and my boyfriend.
When leaving one of the employees came after me and stopped me at the door. He asked me if I remember him, I said no, and he told me that we met about a year ago in my neighbourhood and that I was very upset because of something my sister had done then and he was happy to see me doing much better.

I know he must have meant well, but it was such an unexpected reminder of my horrible streak of blackouts last summer. Also all this next to my former colleagues and boyfriend. Now they know I met random guys I can’t even remember. And my boyfriend was anxious and worried I would get molested or in the worst case cheat on him when blackout drunk.
I am glad all of this is behind me, but it was so shameful.
My colleagues and boyfriend didn’t say any anything initially and when we were alone I told my boyfriend how anxious this encounter made me, but he just said the guy should have read the room a bit better.
I am glad it did not bring back his past anxiety, but really mine.
Still today I feel so anxious, I hope this will pass soon…
Just wanted to get this off my chest.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful day ❤️

no big commotion, just another day. i have no cravings or miss alcohol. i owe it all to myself. no higher power or outside resources. just me. i was 29 when i stopped and i’m now 31. pretty cool to think that these next decades of my life won’t involve alcohol. keep going, IWNDWYT

Hey all. I've posted here many times and here I am back again. I'm feeling so low at the moment and seriously struggling with my mental health. I am so sick of this consuming me and I feel like I have no one to talk to about it. My husband knows and is supportive but he doesn't really really understand and also I'm really good at hiding it. Now my work knows because I got too drunk to come in and told my boss. She was also super supportive and told me my job was safe but when I came back in today a coworker came up to me and said he was 4 years sober so she told someone and I just feel embarrassed and like a fuck up. I'm fairly new here so I'm sad this is their first impression of me. I just feel really really alone. I would love some encouragement to finally kick this poison. I'm so so tired.

I had 8 years sober. I contributed to this group. Dinosaur group.

But this past April my wife was 37 weeks pregnant and we ended up in the ER because she was displaying odd symptoms.

Dr ordered a CT and discovered a mass on her cerebellum. She was admitted. This was a Saturday. She was induced on Monday, gave birth to our son on Tuesday.

She received an MRI and surgery was required immediately. The baby was discharged to me. And the surgery was successful. We were told the tumour was a meningioma - slow growing, nothing immediate to worry about we’d just have to have regular screenings.

The next two months were good until my wife said to me the headaches were back. We went back to the ER and another CT scan. We saw the neurosurgeon two days later and the he said the tumour had grown larger than when she first presented. Another surgery was required immediately. At the follow up we were told this time “it’s a high grade mesenchymal tumour” and he’s never seen one like this before.

Radiation oncologist visited us bedside and recommend a plan of 30 rounds of radiation therapy.

We saw a medical oncologist and she wanted to use immunotherapy but in our small city that has never been used on a brain tumour before.

My wife did everything they asked while I was home with the baby. I had support of family and friends and when I didn’t have the baby I leaned on alcohol.

I spent nights with her in hospital and snuck in alcohol because that’s what I know. That’s how I used to deal with emotional issues.

She died in my arms last Friday night. The baby was safe with a family member. I hit the booze hard while keeping it away from those gathered at my house.

We had the funeral and at the reception after the funeral I drank heavily in front of family and friends and blacked out. Apparently I said things about how I wished I was dead. About how it should have been me dead and not my wife.

I’m currently on day 4 in a recovery facility. Most of the detox has run its course - the tremors, the hallucinations, the sweats.

And now the grief will kick in.

My point in sharing is that to me my emotions take over and when this are overwhelming I reach for a bottle because that’s what I know.

Please be careful out there.

Detox was hard the first time years ago and just as difficult this time.

I have a beautiful 6 month old boy to care for alone after this and to say I’m terrified is an understatement.

Life changes abruptly.

Hold the ones dear to you close.

Thanks for reading

Edit: my biggest regret is instead of staying sober and being strong for those around me who were grieving too I chose to drink and be selfish. Because drinking was the only way I knew how to handle MY emotions.

I’ve already spent 2 hours on a personal project and went for a long swim.. and the day is just beginning! Had I had a hangover otherwise…

Happy Sunday, y’all! I will not drink with you today!

Renovating my new house. Stupidly thought I could handle having a couple of beers whilst I worked. I knew deep down it would end up being more and it was. Ended up going out and drinking until 3am. Woke up this morning feeling horrific and wasted another day I could’ve been working on the house.

I find that I actually relapse a few hours before I have the first drink. I need to learn how to stop that thought process. I guess this has been a good lesson in when the relapse actually occurs and I am now aware of it.

Here’s to another day 1…

I had an abdominal ultrasound and found out I’ve given myself a fatty liver on top of SUPRISE- I’m ectopically pregnant.

I am so upset; I’m 45, I was never able to have children years ago when I tried. I drank 4 units yesterday and woke up with the worst ache in my lower right back and any pain I have right now I’m convinced is my liver failing or my fallopian tube bursting. This news actually makes me want to drink heavily for the first time in months and the anger is so much worse than any craving. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the next bit. If I had a chance with a healthy baby or had been drinking heavily for 20 years I’d understand but I just feel like this is so unfair