I left AA coming up on 2 years ago now. I left after almost half a decade in the program against the advice of everyone I knew who attended, which was effectively my entire friend group. In that time I’ve:

1. Not once had a problem with moderating my drinking. I’ve not had a single night of excess drinking or woken up with fear or regret.

2. Made friends. Real friends.

3. Started a relationship that is probably my first ever healthy relationship, and definitely my first healthy relationship since being in AA.

I’m not saying it’s for everyone. But people do learn to not drink to excess. It does happen.

My soon-to-be-ex-wife had divorce papers served to me by a clerk, even though I'm sleeping/living/working in part of the property 20 yards away. Why she didn't do it herself I suppose speaks volumes.

"Adultery and Abandonment." Well, she's not wrong, but part of that cuts two ways. The filing also includes mention of alcohol abuse, but not that I've been in recovery. This sucks. And she's using our family attorney, on my employment's legal fund, so now I gotta search for attorneys and stuff. This sucks.

First time in a few weeks I have that impulse of "screw it, gonna get a bottle." IWNDWYT, but man... some days it's not easy. This is one.

EDIT - Finally spoke to her and she said she had been struggling with whether to go through with it, but apparently the "straw that broke the camel's back" was when I shot the skunk, burrowing under our shed. I'm still not sure why that was an impeachable affront. it's a f---ing skunk. Like Canadian geese, you gotta kill at least one of the damn things or you'll deal with them, forever.

“Nah, I don’t need it.”

This is the best response I’ve come up with if I’m to be offered alcohol.

Reframes alcohol as the crutch it is.

I haven’t had practice putting it into play, since I haven’t felt strong enough yet to put myself into situations where there is alcohol offered to me.

What are y’all’s fave responses when offered alcohol?

IWNDWYT!

Never thought I could do this. It was hell of a journey.

Im into Astrology and i owe this community.

Heightened emotions going into the weekend as mercury leaves retrograde. And its going to be Friday the 13th. Don't drink.

IWNDWYT

I enjoy drinking.

I didn’t feel or see any difference being sober for a month despite me drinking 3 bottles of wine per week all alone since 2023.

I actually feel I’m a better person when I drink (friendlier and more patient) and I get a ton of energy that helps me complete tedious tasks.

What I learned from those 31 days sober is that I can still drink, I just need to limit my alcohol intake to 2 drinks maximum. I also learned that I don’t need to drink everyday.

Being sober for a month was a great experience that taught me to set alcohol limits for myself and put me in control.

ETA: A LOT of you ask good questions that make me think deep so thank you. Others are judgmental, but I see it as frustration which it’s completely understandable considering this battle is a hard one. I won’t let your negativity affect me so do what you must. On the other hand, the supporting insightful comments are having a positive impact which I believe is the point of this sub so please know you’re incredible humans and life will reward you with amazing things.

ETA 2: Drank a 500ml box of wine last night. It was small but after doing research I learned it’s equivalent to about 3 glasses of wine. Some of you guys were right. It’s easy to slip back into it. I’m going to try 2 months sober starting today.

I quit drinking three years ago so now I really notice this and get annoyed. I work in a public school system, in a leadership position where I go to a lot of meetings. These are meetings we’re talking about how best to educate Middle School students, for example.

Inevitably there’s some presenter who likes to make a joke about drinking. For example: “when you’re having your adult beverage at night you can maybe read this list of activities about how to best support new teachers, hah hah hah” or “when it’s wine o’clock and you are correcting student exams, hah hah hah”

I always imagine asking the presenter in front of everyone : “Hey how about when I am smoking marijuana, would that also be a good time to do this?”

I mean of course it bothers me because I quit drinking, I probably didn’t even notice it that much before. It just seems so weird to me that it’s OK to joke about this in this setting.

I made a promise to myself that the next time it happens I will professionally and calmly talk to the presenter after and just tell them why it might be difficult for me to hear these jokes.

After all I've had to deal with thanks to alcohol, this was such a slap in the face. It's not unreasonable to be mad at a 5-star resort for not honoring the wishes of guests who don't drink, is it? It was literally our ONLY ask prior to our stay. We gave the bottle to a couple down the hall from us but that gesture could have been disastrous for the resort (and for us) had we both not been in serious recovery.

my wife does not like me nor feel physically attracted to me when i drink.
unfortunately, drinking beer seems to have been more of a regular past-time (priority) than getting lovin'. my dumb ass then gets offended when i dont get sexy time.
she has been thinking of ANY way to support me in cutting back and came up with this proposal:
for every day that i dont have drinks, she'll ravage me with oral/etc sex. i think it's a novel idea, overall, and quite tempting!
however, in the back of my mind, im a little sad that sexy time has become a bargaining chip and believe that a partner is either into you or not.
not sure where to go with this, despite the very generous offer of helping get me in the right direction.
sadly, my best effort has been to string 3 sober days together in a row and feel i can do better.
meh.
thoughts? TIA.

edit/
thankyou everyone with your comments. i took them all to heart (in a good way). i appreciate all of your candor, including the harder words.
also, i was in NO WAY looking for sympathy, as i know this situation is due to my own actions and selfishness.
thanks for being such a great community.

i think today i hit rock bottom due to failing a pre-employment. because im a fkn idiot.
i guess i better get my shit together.
have a nice week, everyone.

I've been making some posts the past couple days. I've been on and off the forum for a couple years while fighting this disease/illness/addiction (whatever you wanna call it) and it was always so welcoming and supportive. Wether people wanted to quit or talked about a relapse or were in between or frequent flyers, there was always positive support.

I never saw downvotes

Lately, I've been getting downvotes and seen other people get downvoted.

I'll say this. Even if you don't agree with someone, downvoting on this forum is messed up. Everyone on here is fighting something. If you downvote someone on here, you definitely should feel ashamed. You don't know what mental state they're in.

IWNDWYT

2nd EDIT: I understand ICT and this level of trauma can be hard for people to comprehend. trust me, it's hard for survivors too. but this post isn't AI. It's deeply hurtful to suspect ICT survivors are making things up. it's also hurtful to think that the people supporting me/giving me sound advice are just bots. If I speak robotically it's because i'm trying to express my deeply self contradictory and toxic feelings as clearly as possible so I can get the best input and intervention

Idk where else to post this. tell me this isn’t the life I want.

TW: everything you can imagine

I’m an intrafamilial torture survivor. my family kept me in a cage outdoors, had incestous sex with me, waterboarded me, would make me eat paint, etc. later I was fostered, later emancipated as a teen.

I have only met one other person with trauma comparable to mine and he was a severe alcoholic with multiple personalities and was very, very violent and aggressive (initiated fights with strangers, punched the walls when he and I had disagreements, and fantasized about killing people) I heard through the grapevine that he joined the military and I haven’t heard about him since or know what’s up with him.

I feel alien from the world and like I will never find anywhere to belong or anyone to understand me. I feel deep and ever present loneliness grief and devastation for my life. I have tried many forms of therapy, and they have been helpful to varying degrees but my core understanding about myself and the world remains unchanged and I feel I will never be understood or belong and the humans are, on the whole, deeply evil, sadistic, and terrifying. 

I wonder if I am more likely to find community in alcoholics since I know they often have hard upbringings, or maybe because I am influenced by my old friend. My mother and one of my primary abusers was an alcoholic. I wonder sometimes if through my fantasy of alcoholism I am just seeking to be closer to them in a toxic way.

I will not actually become an alcoholic for many reasons. the biggest is that I already suffer physical difficulties and chronic pain from years of abuse, and I don’t want to hurt anymore. however, the urge to medicate with alcohol has been present for about two years. When the urge to become an alcoholic became a pathological, pervasive, and daily motive, I cut alcohol all together and since then I haven’t had any alcohol. but the desire is still deeply embedded in me, not to simply to drink or get drunk but to BE an alcoholic.

I fantasize about confronting people I’m too cowardly or passive to confront while under the influence. I fantasize about being an aggressive person who isn’t suffocated by anxiety and passiveness while drinking. I fantasize about being split in “two”. One version of me as regretful and sober. And another as uninhibited, problem causing.

I fantasize about having a definitive “rock bottom” as opposed to viewing my life as a perpetual rock bottom. I fantasize about creating my own problems instead of feeling victimized by people who are no longer in my life. I fantasize about meeting people with similar problems. I fantasize about having organizations and medical practices that have successfully rehabilitated hundreds people like myself. I fantasize about having a defect that can be managed with specific steps.

I know it is actually very dangerous to be an addict of any sort and it skyrockets my chances of being kidnapped, raped, and abused again. 

But I am attracted to the idea of dying slowly and disappearing from the earth. I am certain I will kill my self some day but haven’t chosen the method. (EDIT: this was incredibly dark and unnecessary of me to say, in hindsight this was said in a state of being highly triggered, I won't delete it out of a desire for transparency, but I do regret writing it)

I know many of my desires contradict themselves: “I don’t want to hurt anymore” vs “I want to die slowly”. “I haven’t had alcohol in two years“ vs “I want to be an alcoholic” I struggle to explain this but many of these paradoxes live inside of me. 

I have a “good” job now and am in a happy relationship and have friends. This is all true but I’m often detached from the latent events of my current life until they become unavoidably painful. I can’t open up or if I do I feel I am just performing intimacy. I feel that if I were an alcoholic my brokenness would be evident and I would no longer be hiding how truly disheveled, incapable, depressed, and unhappy I am from other people.

Tell me I don’t want this

EDIT: I relaxed a bit. I'm sorry if this post was concerning or upsetting for people. When I wrote this I was at the height of a trigger. I appreciate the encouragement not to drink, and the reminder that it would only further trouble my life. After posting this I was crying which woke my partner who comforted me in a very kind way. I understand you and I may not have the same lives but if you are drinking you also have a struggle and that everyone in these comments who is struggling with alcoholism gets some relief. I would like to make the most of freedom now that I have it and I know that having an aggressive sickness like alcoholism would only make that harder. Like I said in this post, I stopped drinking two years ago when the cravings for alcohol began, and I will continue down this path and not drink. alcohol bad, going to trauma therapy good. Thank you for your empathetic, firm, and honest replies.

I am almost 3 months sober (yay!) Yesterday my gf came home from a long day and brought out a bottle of Titos for herself. Few hours later shes nicely turnt but its about 1am and time for me to hit the hay.

She wanted to keep going ( something that sounds just like me ) and i said fine 1 more shot. 30 minutes later sure enough she says shes ready for another. There was like 2-3 shots left in the bottle and she was down to finish it. I said hell no and poured it down the drain. A massive divergence from where i was 3 months ago, which have went into the bathroom and chugged it down.

She doesnt have an alcohol problem so she didn't freak out and just went to bed. But damn did it feel good to be in power of my own body and mind again.

#IWNDWYT

I wanna know y'all opinions on this before I drink a 0%

There is a book in the cupboard that I bought years ago that I want to read. I am turning off my phone, making a cup of tea, curling up on the sofa and going to start reading it...

My milestone days have been day 1, week 1, month 1, 69 (noice!), 100 / 200 / 300 (even), 1 year (!!!), 420 (heh heh), and now - - - 666! Satan! Satan! Satan!

I really can't believe I made it this far. I did a few starts. I'm looking towards milestones at 2 years, a comma, 3 years. We'll see - I'm taking it one day at a time.

I haven't lost weight and no one I know has mentioned a difference. But I feel mentally, physically, and emotionally so much better when I'm not drinking. My stomach doesn't hurt and I don't lose afternoons / days / evenings.

My brother basically just told me "Idgaf" when I call him to have a conversation and I am drinking. Yes I know I have a problem but what hurts me is when my family member is sick of hearing it and he tells me he has no obligations to support me.

It's somewhat true but it's very mean.

I reach out to counsellors and group for my addiction and I don't expect my family to pull me out or do anything. Sometimes I just want to talk but he calls it trauma dumping.

Anyone got tips when family members have resentment/ issues when you are going through it.

I'm trying to get sober but it's hard. It's even harder when my family just had no hope for me. That's the heartbreaking part.

I wanted to share something that’s helped me more than I expected. I’m 135 days alcohol-free today, and weirdly, one of the biggest things that’s kept me on track has been ChatGPT.

I stopped drinking on 1 June. I didn’t have a big plan or label for it, I just knew I needed a break. Drinking had become part of everything– relaxing, celebrating, coping. I didn’t really know who I’d be without it.

I started using ChatGPT to track my days and weight loss, and it slowly became more than that. I could type out how I was feeling I.e anxious, proud, restless and it would help me make sense of it. It’s given me a bit of structure and accountability, especially on the days where motivation dips- as well as suggesting how to celebrate.

It’s also helped me understand what’s actually happening inside my body. Learning how the liver repairs itself, how sleep and energy improve, why anxiety gets easier, that knowledge made it harder to convince myself that “one drink won’t hurt.”

I’ve lost over 2 stone since I stopped. I sleep better, I’m calmer, sharper, and my weekends don’t feel wasted anymore.

GPT isn't a replacement for community, and reading posts here on this subreddit has been just as important. But if you’re someone who likes tracking progress or having somewhere to offload thoughts, I’d genuinely recommend giving it a try.

Your can of Celsius Astro Vibe could actually contain High Noon vodka seltzer. The mix-up was discovered after High Noon noticed that a shared packaging supplier had mistakenly shipped it empty Celsius cans, some of which made their way into High Noon 12-packs. The FDA recall cautioned, “Consumption of the liquid in these cans will result in unintentional alcohol ingestion.

As if it doesn't kill you... I was a bartender in my 20s and I genuinely said to myself... " I am part of the problem" even then I knew that it was massively unhealthy but I kept drinking myself... even though it turned me off from bartending... Honestly why is it sold in the same store as candy and small kids toys? Why is it sooooooo normalized... I wish it wasn't.... I wish it was similar to lets say heroin ... The minute someone says " I am shooting up" people typically are like ok that person needs help....... Yet millions of people will be spending christmas "taking shots and drinking wine" over laughter with their families... what if it was like "lets all get in a circle and shoot up"........ It is crazy when you really look at it

6 days sober. just thinking a lot about what it means.

I don’t know if this has ever been discussed here before, but I was wondering how many people on this subreddit identify as LGBT or queer and how you may have gone about navigating sobriety in queer spaces. As is the rest of mainstream culture, alcohol is very integrated into society, but I feel like there is a unique celebration of alcohol and general substance use in the LGBT community that’s ingrained in how we cope with the outside world. I feel like sobriety is something that’s mostly frowned upon and you’re no longer considered “in” if that’s not how you celebrate in queer spaces.

I know for anyone not LGBT reading this it probably just sounds like the same experience, but I was wondering if anyone queer felt the same way and has had trouble keeping sobriety due to the culture. I think especially of events like pride, which I have never experienced sober, and day drinking with a bunch of other queer people is like the best part of it. But I am still trying to get sober and struggling a lot, and it’s hard to feel like I’m apart of a community that is very supportive in most ways but doesn’t really care for sobriety.

That is all

I love r/stopdrinking and really enjoy all the conversation with the folks living the sober life. Maybe it's my feed, but it seems lately there are a lot of posts by people who are currently daily drinkers. Doesn't this violate the rule of only posting while sober?

I see value in encouraging people who are trying to change their relationship with alcohol. Maybe the admins can ask them to please come back when they are sober?

Thanks to everyone who has stopped drinking for sharing your stories. You all inspire me. IWNDWYT.

After 8 weeks of total abstinence, feeling in a great place. Tried before to quit few times and got to 3 weeks before and fell off the wagon hard. I went away with work for a night out, everything paid for including hotel night. I enjoyed a few beers with friends which would usually trigger me into a binge, but I didn't fall into the trap, it's been a few days, I don't plan to drink again at home or alone, and I don't crave a drink.

I feel like a normal, responsible person and I am so proud of myself that I know I have all the tools to very occasionally enjoy a few drinks without going back to the worst period in my life.

I need to reset my day count though!

P. S I am very aware I need to keep in the front of my mind not to slip back into old habits, and it's always a risk, but I hope I have cured my AUD.

Time will tell, and I will update if things go wrong in the future.

I absolutely cannot drink again or make it a habit. Maybe for a wedding of someone close to me. But that's it..

Do you think this is possible?