r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 19h ago
When I retire I'll take up meditation, it'll surely beat sitting around doing nothing.
12
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r/oneliners • u/DeAnnaTereshkova • 1d ago
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
33
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 2d ago
When you're my age every birthday party is a surprise birthday party
28
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 3d ago
Went out with a dyslexic girl once, can't believe on the first date she cooked my sock.
69
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 3d ago
I've been taking steps to get over my hiking addiction, but I'm not out of the woods yet.
95
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 3d ago
My friend asked me why I walked like a robot, so I answered her straight back
5
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r/oneliners • u/DeAnnaTereshkova • 4d ago
I'm not a big fan of furniture hunting, but I do love the thrill of the chaise.
90
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r/oneliners • u/richlife4evr • 4d ago
In my opinion, the appropriate response to being called an asshole is to rebutthole
11
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 4d ago
AA meetings for small people are just AAA meetings
32
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r/oneliners • u/simmo28 • 5d ago
Keith Richards didn't celebrate christmas as a child as Jesus wasn't born yet.
43
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r/oneliners • u/DeAnnaTereshkova • 6d ago
For a necrophiliac, love could be just around the coroner.
161
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r/oneliners • u/FlaccidCatsnark • 5d ago
People got away with murder when they didn't choose caucus as the collective noun for crows.
18
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r/oneliners • u/Sayva_See • 6d ago
My mother used to always say “If you don’t have anything nice to say, fuck off.”
34
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r/oneliners • u/sfarx • 7d ago
Plumbers think they have a flawless system, but I’ve seen cracks.
23
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 6d ago
Just met the man that invented windowsills, what a ledge.
5
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r/oneliners • u/DeAnnaTereshkova • 7d ago
I used to be afraid of rocks, but now I’m a little boulder.
43
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r/oneliners • u/Equivalent_Parking_8 • 8d ago
Three facts about me: I have a 10 inch penis; I've slept with 100 women; and I convert all numbers to binary.
144
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