Something i learned the hard way.
Delusion is crucial factor in limerence
So you need to remind yourself every now and then about the basics of mutual liking:

When you like someone you will want to
1- spend time with them
2- know everything about them
3- take care of them
4- have their attention
5- etc.

So if they like you back, believe me it will not be confusing to know that. Because they also will have those 5 wants listed above. they will meet you halfway there. You will notice them acting on those wants against you, and god how good it feels.

It will not be hard to make plan to spend time together because you will notice them also try to make it happen.
You will feel that they curious about you.
They will take any opportunity to help you, and take care of you.
They will try so hard to impress you, and win your attention.

Delusion is why we are still stuck in this horrible state. Remind yourself self of this everyday and grieve whatever your delusion convinced you of. Healing will happen eventually.
Please take care of yourself.

Topic.

I had believed that my LO was my twin flame or a past life connection and that we were meant to be 🥴 and that when I saw 11:11 on the clock then it's a sign that we're meant to be and etc.

Completely insane. Completely deluded. I'm just glad that I managed to find this sub and understand that it's all just limerence.

What were some of the most deluded things you had believed about your encounter with your LO?

Hello, so literally just last night I discovered what limerence is and spent hours researching and wow, I believe I’ve been in hardcore limerence about one singular person for 17 years (11/13/26 was the 17th anniversary of the event.) and now that I know what these feelings really are, after 17 years, I have no clue how to finally put an end to them.

And sorry, this kind of turned into a longer post than I intended, there’s way more that I could say but I’ll leave it at where I did lol, again, it’s 17 years of feeling all of this so it’s bound to be a lot.

Some context about the situation / event. It’s about my first boyfriend when we were in middle school. I really believe that he truly was my first love and I honestly feel like he was “the one who got away.” There was a lot about the relationship, even at such a young age, but mainly the context for what I believe is triggering the limerence, was our breakup. It wasn’t some drama filled breakup or anything like that, but because he moved away. Plain and simple. But this was 2009, we didn’t have cellphones yet, his mom was super strict about him dating and because of that, he was dating me “in secret” (towards his family, everyone in school knew we were dating lol) so he didn’t even have a email or any form of communication that we could talk on when he left. Even at the time, we only hung out or talked at school only. Never outside of school because he didn’t have a way to. And I think if that was the end of it, it wouldn’t be as bad. I probably would’ve moved on. But all of this happened in 7th grade, and all the way until 12th graduation , I was still classmates with all of his friend group in school, and they would constantly remind me about him, they would tease me about him and would never leave me alone about him. To this day, I still have no clue how true any of the things they told me about him were ever true, or if they were just saying shit to torment me.

It also doesn’t help that the last spoken words we said to each other while we were breaking up was the first time we told each other “I love you.”

I’ve spent the past 17 years constantly thinking about him. Always dreaming about the “what-ifs” of if he never left. How long would we have dated? Would we have stayed together to this day (I know that seems unlikely, but I know 2 separate couples that were dating around the same time as us that are now married and have kids) ? Would I be the person I am today if he had stayed? Would I even like any of the same interests I do if it wasn’t for him leaving? As I got into most of what I like today right after we broke up. Would we have had a messy breakup at some point?
And those are just the what if thoughts. I have so many about the idea of him coming back into my life and what that could look like or what he’s like to this day. Of randomly bumping into each other at the store. Him reaching out on social media. Running into each other a concert, a show, a movie, and mall etc…
I still look for him any time I go somewhere. Not in my daily life of going to the grocery store, but when I go to a concert, or a convention, I’m visiting a new town, things like that.
Because also, he never told me where he was moving. All he told me was that his parents were moving to a new town and he’d have to go to a new school as the new place was too far away for him to keep attending the school we were at. So I always he knew he was likely still in the same state, but never knew where.

I’ve tried looking for him like crazy on social medias, but he either found me first and has me blocked, or just somehow does not use social media in this day and age. And I don’t know what would be the more likely scenario. Cause I’ve even looked on friend’s profiles who would have no association to him and they can’t find him either. It almost makes me feel so crazy because it makes me feel like he doesn’t exist and it’s all in my head, but I know that’s not true. I have the yearbooks with his picture in them (I don’t have easy access to them) and all I want to do is just get into communication with him. I just want to know what his life was like after he left. If he thought about me the way I do about him. If he ever just thinks about me. I just want to have a conversation with him. I don’t even necessarily want to be like “let’s date again!” Especially since it’s been so long and we are probably such different people now, but I just want to know what he’s like now and who he is as a person. I just want a connection with him again.

I don’t even know if I would even recognize him. When I think of him, I still see the 12y/o version of him, and not the would be 29 version of him he would be today. As the 12 y/o version is the only photo evidence I have of him (again, before cellphones so I only have yearbook photos of him to remember him by)
I can only daydream and imagine what he looks like today, but I know I look so drastically different than what I looked like back then, that I can’t even begin to dream up what he might look like today.

I also have a lot of personal trauma from school (unrelated to this), home life and a lot of other things that I believe also contribute to these feelings. I am diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) , ADHD, PTSD (not related to these events but something from my adulthood) and as I was researching I did see that there are some (unverified) links to ADHD and limerence that makes the feelings harder to navigate.

I have so many thoughts and feelings about him and after so long and so many fail attempts at trying to find him, I’m done. I don’t want to keep thinking about him anymore, it’s causing me more hurt and pain instead of being fun, silly little daydreams anymore.

So how do I end this? How do I stop this limerence over someone like this and this kind of situation. Because everything I saw and researched and what others did, didn’t really fit my situation that easy.

And before anyone says, no, therapy is not an option for me, not because I don’t want to (because I really need / want to go back to therapy) but because I don’t have health insurance anymore and I can’t afford to pay out of pocket for therapy. I was very actively in therapy about 1.5yr ago, but then I lost my insurance and had to go cold turkey on all my meds and everything. If that was an option for me, I probably wouldn’t be posting on here.

So please, any help or tips or anything would be appreciated. Anything to help stop this torture I keep putting myself through.

Thank you 🧡

I’m curious if you’ve had a LO for some time who also gave some mixed signals (they were always smiling, giving you a certain look, that pressing feeling there is something unsaid between you) and it went on for good while… did you ever get to find out their perspective on the whole thing?
Things like yeah maybe they kinda liked you but it was no intense romance or something, etc. how did they see your ‘thing’, did they notice you were infatuated was it obvious etc?

I’m a woman in my 40s, married with children, and I work at a psychiatric hospital.
I’ve recently found myself developing what I believe is limerence towards a patient who was involuntarily admitted with bipolar disorder.
He is very openly and intensely flirtatious with me. He makes me feel special, both physically and in terms of my personality, and has even asked me out on a date. When I turned him down, explaining that I’m married with children and, more importantly, that he is a patient, he seemed genuinely disappointed.
What makes this particularly complicated is that he reminds me of my late mother in so many ways, she was also bipolar. I suspect this is a significant emotional trigger for me, although I’m still trying to understand exactly why.
He has since been transferred to another ward, so I rarely see him. And this is where I’m struggling: I genuinely miss him. I find myself wishing I could reach out and perhaps offer him some kind of friendship. I know this would be crossing a professional boundary, and I’m aware that these feelings are not something I should act on. However, I’m finding it surprisingly difficult to let go.
For context, I wasn’t his primary caregiver, but I was still a member of the hospital staff, and I understand that this doesn’t eliminate the inherent power imbalance or ethical considerations.
I feel embarrassed admitting all of this, especially as someone working in mental health. I know better intellectually, but emotionally, it’s a completely different story.
Has anyone experienced limerence towards a patient or someone they met in a professional caregiving setting? How did you navigate the feelings, especially when there was an element of mutual flirtation and feeling genuinely seen and desired?
I’m particularly interested in hearing from people who have experienced the emotional attachment itself, rather than just being told why acting on it would be inappropriate. I already know that part. I’m trying to understand why I’m feeling this way and how to let go.

I have had issues with limerence twice before in my life. I feel like I'm almost all better now and nearly free but for one of them, it's very difficult to forget about him fully because he and my dad share a birthday. I haven't had a single year celebrating a birthday with my dad where I didn't also remember that LO was a year older too. I have forgotten everything else. I don't know his phone number by heart anymore, I don't remember his middle name, I don't remember the names of his siblings, and I don't remember to check his horoscope when I look at mine, but it's hard to remove him from the back of my mind because I'll always remember his birthday for as long as I remember my dad how can I stop this?

When a limerent individual realizes their "limerent object" does not match their idealized mental fantasy, the collision with reality causes a profound psychological shock. Because limerence relies heavily on illusion, this disillusionment triggers a range of intense, often volatile reactions:

​Denial and "Fixing": Instead of accepting reality, the individual may ignore flaws, view them as temporary, or actively try to change or "save" the person to fit their ideal mold.

​Emotional Crash: When denial fails, the sudden drop from romantic hope to reality leads to deep despair, grief, emptiness, and depressive symptoms.

​Unearned Anger: Despite the other person doing nothing wrong, the limerent person may feel resentful or betrayed, as though they were misled when it was actually their own imagination at work.

​Relapse: Driven by dopamine withdrawal, the brain often resists closure, causing the person to forget the flaws and cycle back into the romantic fantasy.

​Exhaustion and Detachment: After repeated disappointments, the illusion loses its grip. Mental fatigue sets in, causing obsessive thoughts to fade and breaking the compulsive cycle.

Hi! I recently feel like something changed in a really good way. I was completely honest with myself. I was talking to a lot of good people these days. I previously did a lot of work and exercises, visualising etc. I was scared to death to let go of that person. I felt too much addicted to the "high" of limerence. And I did something I avoided to do. I wrote it in my previous post. I imagined I invite the real version of my LO to my fantasies and how would they react to it. Turns out it was so refreshing imagining something so much real and honest so my fantasy state kinda broke for good. I invited reality to my fantazy. I apologized, I told about all my fantasies and what I craved. I got to the point where the real version of my LO criticises my idealized version of them for being too soft and sweet. And it was the first time something collapsed. All imaginary, but still as realistic as I could imagine it. With all the shame, guilt and every negative emotion I might feel in reality as well. I had that really realistic sarcastic talk, yet still imaginary. And realised that I always tried to get rid of my imagination about them by ruining something in reality. Real NC, getting angry about some real words etc. But something imaginary had to be ruined by something imaginary as well. I was in that state for a few hours maybe and cried like a baby sometimes. The realistic version of my LO created a hook for me at some point. "It's a boring place. There's no real connection, only hunger and all the moments you wish you'd live through in reality. We can have so much better things happening in reality. Are you ready to stay there and won't ever play any computer game you (we) have ever liked? Like really, there's nothing like that in this place. No life , no joy, just constant longing and sadness. It's the actual hell, you're just unable to see it. I wish you'd be in a better place. And I ask you once more - are you ready to quit?". And I was not, for hours and hours. I imagined that the time in that fantasy as the same as in the reality, so I realised they're freezing because it's evening (lol that sounds crazy but still). So we slowly moved, from my last favourite place and imaginary scene. I still saw that pity. And realised atm how much lonely that place often was. And how lovely was I. I imagined the door to reality clearly there and we slowly but surely stepped forward, imagining the exact same place (room) I was in as a place where that door leads me. And it was the best exercise from every other one I've ever did - cutting imaginary cords, letting go of them (seeing how they go in my imagination) etc. That one imaginary talk made my limerent world to start collapsing, without any way to save it.

It broke something in me. It made me angry, it made me feel not safe, it made me feel like I'm gonna go mad, or crazy, or forever lonely. But. The next day I felt some life in me again. No hating, no love, no longing. I'm me. It's just terribly new experience and that why it's that much scary. But I feel better. Ready to move on. Ready to see things the way they are. Ready to live.

Hope it helps anyone. Thank you for spending your time on reading it! And take care!

I want to start off by saying that I don’t think this method will work for everyone. I want to share my experience recently since it helped me a lot and it might help others.

Earlier this year I developed an intense and very strong limerence towards a semi famous female celebrity. It was lasting for months on end and it continued to get worse and worse. I started developing anxiety about not being able to be with this person, and would constantly think about them. 

I was initially following them and all their fan accounts on social media when this started.  After a while as my feelings got worse I ended up blocking all of them and actively trying to avoid seeing anything about them online. This was a key mistake I realize now but I’ll get to that later. 

As time went on the feelings became somewhat more manageable but they were still there. I would check social media still to see what they were up to and I would be so hard on myself and just end up feeling worse.

About a month ago I decided to do something different. I decided to make a back up burner account on a social media app that was solely for following this persons account. That way my personal account would still be purged of this person and I would be able to have a separate account to access. This was immensely helpful. It created a helpful separation so that I could still scroll mindlessly on my main account if I wanted and not constantly be unblocking and blocking pages for them when I wanted to check what they were up to. 

After about a week of this I decided to just go all in. I decided to start my own fan page on a social media site solely dedicated to this person. And to be perfectly honest this ended up more or less “curing” my limerence for this person. 

A couple things happened. For starters, it became less of like this “dirty little secret” I felt I had to hide from myself and others. Rather than it being “I have these intense feelings for a celeb I won’t ever meet” to “I’m a huge fan of this person and I want to share my fandom with others.”

Another thing that happened was I began to see EVERYTHING from this celeb. Rather than just only focusing on stuff that interested me I began seeing all their interviews or other video content. I slowly began to humanize this person a lot more. They were slowly coming down from the god like pedestal I had placed them on in my mind and they became more human to me. And while I still am a fan of this person I also began to see flaws or things in them that I was either ignoring or didn’t know about. I realized that if I was being honest with myself this probably isn’t someone I’d seriously wanna have a relationship with if I knew them. 

The last thing too is that running the fan page account became a bit of a chore. It stopped being fun after a while and something I felt like I kept having to do and post on. It made the keeping up with them on socials and news more of a tiny part time job. 

I realize this method may not work for everyone. And for most of you it might make it worse. For me however, it really helped me a lot. I realized that this person really is just a human being like me. I understand if your LO isn’t a celebrity this probably won’t be helpful. Some people might even push back and say that I never really had limerence for this person to begin with. Which i personally would disagree with. All I can say is that not suppressing what I was feeling and desired made things so much better for me in the long term. 

TLDR - actively seeking my LO celeb crush helped my limerence lessen instead of trying to actively avoid them. 

I'm newly diagnosed with adhd, 25f. My boyfriend and I are long distance, and we've been together since April. I just learned about limerance and I think I'm experiencing it. It was subtle until now. I'm am constantly thinking about him and I thought I love him but I just feel like it could be limerance. I am anxious all the time, and feeling rejected by him. And it's just very subtle things that I shouldnt feel rejected by. Probably.

I'm creating this fantasy of a future together. He is a good guy and I do like him. I just don't know what to do. I told him I need some space today and it's been so difficult. It feels like an addiction. I need the reassurance and he isn't giving it to me. I worry I'm not good enough for him as well. Any advice is appreciated.

I'm 22M, and I'm writing this because I honestly have nobody I feel comfortable opening up to about this. I need to vent, and I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've experienced something similar, as well as any advice that might help me understand what I'm going through.

I've had two major experiences of unrequited love in my life. My first experience happened when I was very young, and it ended with me feeling publicly embarrassed and rejected. It affected my confidence and left me feeling like an outsider in a community that used to be familiar to me. I became extremely self-conscious around people, and I think that experience may have contributed to how I viewed myself and relationships afterward.

Then, when I was around 15 or 16, I developed feelings for another girl I'd known of for years. I became especially attracted to her when we ended up in the same class at school. I was drawn to her beauty and her character, and I honestly can't fully explain why I felt so strongly about her.

The problem was that I considered myself completely out of her league. I'm very introverted, struggle to socialize, and have never been confident around girls. I felt like I was the opposite of the kind of guy someone like her would want.

For almost two years, I admired her from a distance. The crazy part is that we barely spoke. I can count our actual conversations on two fingers. They were ordinary, insignificant interactions that probably meant nothing to her, but I still remember them clearly.

Despite that, my feelings became incredibly intense.

What made it worse was watching her interact with other people. She seemed comfortable with almost everyone, joking around, smiling, talking, and being friendly. But I felt like I was the exception. I could barely speak to her, and I watched from the sidelines wishing I could interact with her as naturally as everyone else did.

One of my close friends also had a crush on her. He was handsome, popular, extroverted, talented, and naturally good at socializing. Basically, he embodied everything I felt I wasn't. They were flirty with each other, and watching them interact was genuinely suffocating for me.

He knew I liked her, but he didn't know how deeply I felt or how much it hurt me. I kept comparing myself to him and wondering why I couldn't be like him. Why couldn't I make her laugh? Why couldn't I talk to her normally? Why was she comfortable with him and other guys but seemingly not with me?

School eventually ended, but my feelings never really went away. It's now been around seven years since I first developed these feelings, and I still see her regularly in a shared social environment.

We have had virtually no contact since school. I've never confessed my feelings or properly tried to get to know her. But whenever I see her, I notice that she seems to avoid acknowledging me while greeting and talking to other people we know.

One thing that makes this especially painful is that she's friendly with almost everyone, including my own best friends and brothers. I see her smiling, joking and talking comfortably with them, while I feel completely invisible to her. It's difficult not to wonder why she can be so warm with people close to me but seems to avoid me.

One incident that has stayed with me is when she passed by a group of us and waved and smiled at the other guys but didn't acknowledge me. Even guys she barely seemed to know received that acknowledgement.

I've also heard through people close to her that she explicitly described me using words like "creep" and "loser." I tried to verify what I heard, and believing that she genuinely sees me that way has made everything considerably more painful.

I know this might sound insignificant to some people, but moments like these stay with me. I start wondering whether she finds me ugly, whether she dislikes me, or whether there's something fundamentally wrong with me. I don't actually know everything behind her behaviour, but it still hurts.

Here's the part I'm struggling with most: I think I've been experiencing limerence for her for seven years, and I cannot seem to escape it.

I think about her constantly. I fantasize about conversations with her, us becoming close, dating, getting married, having children, growing old together, and spending our entire lives together. I imagine ordinary things like talking to her every day and being someone she genuinely wants around.

I've built an entire future with someone I've barely spoken to.

Sometimes, those fantasies bring me comfort. In my imagination, we're together, she wants me, and I finally get to experience the closeness I've wanted for so long. I imagine us spending time together, posting stories together and sharing an ordinary life as a couple. Those fantasies give me a sense of warmth, sometimes even helping me fall asleep.

But then reality hits. I see her in person, notice her interacting with other guys, or come across her social media stories, and I feel depressed all over again.

I spend so much time daydreaming that I sometimes lose track of time and struggle to concentrate on real life. Even when I'm not deliberately fantasizing, she's constantly on my mind.

I've tried to stop checking her social media and tried to move on, but eventually I find myself looking again. Even when I don't see anything about her, I still think about her constantly. I haven't genuinely developed feelings for anyone else since.

I still hope that somehow, someday, something might happen between us. At the same time, I know we barely know each other, and I have no reason to believe she has any interest in me.

I think the worst part is how much this has affected the way I see myself.

I'm extremely introverted. I struggle to talk to girls, and I don't even have a single female friend, even though I really want to. I compare myself to guys who seem more attractive, outgoing, and talented than me, and I feel inferior to them.

Whenever she gets close to other guys, I wonder why I can't be the one. Whenever she seems to ignore me, I question whether I'm too ugly or unlovable even to be someone's friend. Seeing her being friendly with my own friends and brothers makes those feelings even worse.

I know someone's lack of interest shouldn't determine my worth, but emotionally, that's how it feels. Somewhere along the way, I started feeling that if she had chosen me, I would finally have felt significant, desirable, and like something in my life had gone the way I wanted for once.

I've been depressed almost every day, and this has affected my everyday life. At my lowest points, I've had thoughts about not wanting to live anymore, and there have been times when I've even made plans to end my life, although I'm not planning to act on them right now. I'm trying to take these feelings seriously and recognize that I need support.

I realize I barely know the real her. Maybe part of what I'm attached to is the person I've imagined her to be and the life I've created in my head. But understanding that intellectually hasn't made the feelings disappear.

I don't know why I've become so attached to someone with whom I've never had a real relationship. I don't know why I can't stop hoping she'll acknowledge me or why her attention towards other guys hurts so much. I don't know how to stop fantasizing about her when those fantasies are also where I find comfort.

I'm not looking for false hope that she'll eventually like me. I genuinely want to get out of this. I want to reach a point where I can see her as just another person, without feeling jealous, inferior, or depressed. I want to get my life back and experience happiness outside an imaginary relationship.

I'm posting because I want to vent, hear from people who understand this, and hopefully learn how to move forward.

Has anyone experienced limerence this intense, especially towards someone they barely knew? How did you deal with it? How do you stop obsessing over someone when part of you still wants them so badly? Have you managed to move on after several years and actually feel happy with your real life again?

I wanna know if its possible for limerence to be healed short time. Like I've been reading reddit stories for a while now and all of them begin with "limerent for 3 years, limerent for 9 years" and also most of them are adults.

Me however, am not and I have platonic limerence with a friend.

Its been going on for about 3 ish months but I wanna heal it asap.

So im wondering if I yk.. distance myself, find more hobbies make myself busy, is it possible to heal limerence really quickly and become how u were before with ur LO?

It's straight up the only thing I think about at this point. But then again I don't have any friends. Even though my brother is nice to me, I have no interest tbh in talking to him. I'd rather hole up in my room and think about that one time a guy was kinda flirty to me for like one minute 3 months ago. Even social media is boring. I have trouble even concentrating on other things like lectures tbh. I even think about it at night. I know it's weird. Idk how to stop it. It's the only thought I look forward to. I don't enjoy food or tv or games. I have no idea how to stop it at this point. We also ended on bad terms due to an awkward moment at the end of it and I have no idea what he thought.

LO won’t commit to formal relationship because of major life differences but may do casual since he does like me just doesn’t see a future with me atm. That or keep me waiting till he decides if formal is appropriate

Should I remain just friends, accept casual, keep myself waiting till he makes his mind if i am worth a formal relationship, or just distance myself

This is pure torture. So Im a male and got into therapy as my anxiety and depression reached new heights after back to back bad relationship endings. I was seeing this male therapist but he went back into the army so I was transferred to someone else. A female therapist. Right from the start I had an attraction to her physically but it didn't feel like a problem really. Just a harmless crush and over time she was actually very helpful. However I hit a low point with my depression, like really. I just woke up that morning and I just didn't want to be here anymore. I've had passive suicidal thoughts over the past couple years. So I'm depressed as hell and thought I might try to harm myself. I reached out to my family but nobody answered. I reach out to my therapist and she doesn't answer. So I just start crafting these goodbye letters to my parents and sisters. Saying how sorry I was for what I was going to do ....then my therapist calls me. She calmed me down and helped me ground myself and talked with me some and it really helped. However that's when my harmless little crush turned into something else entirely, extreme limerence. I'd find myself in these loops of therapy sessions that would go on for hours in my head every single day. I'd Google search whatever I could find out about her. Just so much mental energy. I started to feel physically ill because of how strongly I felt for her. It go so bad I felt like I couldn't handle it anymore so I just told her how strongly I felt connected to her after she was the only one who was there for me at my lowest. I was terrified she was going to kick me out but she handled it like the professional she is. She didn't make me feel weird about it, she was kind and compassionate but stated if it got in the way she'd have to find me a different therapist. This actually helped in the short term. Those feelings were minimized. This conversation happened about 6 months ago. So the feelings were minimized but still there, just not as intrusive as they had been. However those feelings would come back stronger than ever a few weeks back mixed with this pre grieving of losing her as I know this therapy will have to end at some point. I talked with her again about it a few weeks ago, again I'm fearful of being kicked out but she doesn't do it. She said it's good to talk about it, keeping feelings in generally makes the situation worse. I don't know why she doesn't take that step and just get rid of me. I know I should leave, I'm not blind to that. I'm also not blind to the fact that there is zero chance of this ever being anything but a client/therapist relationship and honestly I'd never want her to do anything that would mess with her career. I'm just so attached to this beautiful kind soul who saved my life. I can tell her way more than I can tell anyone else and it's so intimate and the support is so overwhelming, I just never had that kind of person in my life before. That's why I stay, it's not the hope that one day she'll fall in love with me, it's that I don't think I'll ever be able to have someone like her in my life ever again. I asked her why she didn't kick me out, she said "honestly I don't know, maybe I thought you were testing me to see if I'd run away and I didn't want to do that". My rational brain knows this isn't love because as connected to her as I feel, I don't really know her. I just can't shake this feeling that without her in my life I'll fall into deep despair and not be able to crawl out of that dark place but staying feels like it's tearing me up inside. I did take a step though, I asked to go to every other week instead of weekly sessions. I instantly regretted it but stuck to it in hopes that maybe this will loosen that connection some. I know I should just stop seeing her but if you've ever been in limerence you know how impossible that feels. Outside of my family who aren't the most helpful, and people I work with, my therapist is all I have. It feels like no matter what decision I make it's going to cause a lot of pain.

One of the first things I read about Limerance was that it is mainly about wondering if they life you back and long g for someone but that essentially of the feelings are mutual it’s love. Now, I don’t necessarily agree with this despite it feeling pretty hecking lovely but I am interested to hear what other people’s opinions are.

I think I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that nothing is gonna happen with my guy friend i like. I've made moved and they've gone unreciprocated. It's not fun to fantasize anymore, I just cry. Listening to music that reminds me of him makes me cry. Checking his socials, makes me cry. So i don't do these things anymore. Never should have let myself fall in love with someone I wasn't with.

3 years ago i've met her for the first time. At first i brushed it off and just thought she was a pretty girl without it affecting me at all. 6 months in i started trying to know her more like actually knowing her name. I started looking at her whenever i got the chance to. Then everytime i see her i just get insanely nervous with heart beating like crazy

My obsession got so bad everytime i walked past her i was basically tongue tied and unable to talk from the nerves i feel.

2nd year it was just horrible, there was once a time i met her coincidentally in a public place and i was so shocked with my nerves killing me tand i just ran away from disbelief just because im obsessed with her. 3rd year....its actually been a year and a half since i've last seen her....in those time period i kept looking at her socials (It feels even worse and it feels self deprecating that i feel such obsession for someone i've never a had conversation with). And just today i found out she literally blocked me from looking at her profile, yes of course i can just use another account and look at her again but finding out she is putting such a deliberate act to make stay away from her hurted me so bad. How do i get over this?? I dont want to keep being this pathetic and obsessed with a person i shouldnt even care about at this point from just how long i've never seen her and the fact i do not know her and have NEVER held a SINGLE conversation. The words are messy because im still so crushed from her actions. It was always my fault, never hers. I know that.

Long story short, I was in a relationship with someone and we ultimately decided it was unhealthy and we couldn't be together (long story, it was mutual I assure you).

I miss her significantly, and I'm starting to realize (based on the wiki) maybe this is limerence. I am planning on moving in a few months, mostly unrelated to her, but maybe I'm expediting things to try to put the final nail in this coffin.

I'm just wondering what your experience has been with this if it has happened to you? I think the distance and change in cities will lead to it fizzling out completely.

Hello, this is my first post so sorry if I don't get the cues by lurking years on here.

I am 19 soon 20, gay, french, diagnosed AuDHD and anxiety disorder, and have an extreme case of limerence. How I like to portray it is being the average borderline person in love while being fairly normal and successfully control myself when not no FPs, to the point I suspect BPD.

I only fell in love twice, and each was a slow burn casually burning myself lol. The first time was during severe depression when I was 14, I have planned to end it on my birthday (15yo), genuinely thought everyone hated me and that I was the only crazy one around my friends. One month before I was paired in a group project to this nice straight guy in my class, and we became best friends very quickly, in a month even. You get where I'm going to.

I did not commit because life was worth living with him and he became my only reason to live and basically acted like I had a crush on him, even though looking back, I probably didn't because I was not attracted to him, but everything looked like it and even he recognized it (extreme fear of abandonment, wanting to be with him H24, overthinking every text, splitting, my mood of the day decided by how he behaves the first 5 minutes every morning, pushing away all his friends, extreme mood swings and impulsivity... casually BPD). This lasted a year and half until eventually he could not manage to be my "FP" anymore and felt weirded out, which is totally understandable due to how I acted. I then still had limerence for a year and even though I avoided him because of extreme anxiety (litterally my whole body shaking when he was there) we were still in the same class and the "bpd symptoms" still went on.

After another year of limerence (so 2 and a half in total) the obsession finally wore off. Btw me and him made up and he was very understanding of what happened, even though we both chose not talking to eachother anymore, he is really nice and I wish him the best in life and love, he totally deserves it :) I then had 6 months of stability and calm and they were the best.

Unfortunately, that did not last long. When I was 18, I met another guy at the cinema during a friend hangout, and we became, again, best friends very quickly. This time, I was very attracted to him, both his body and wicked personality... and turns out he was attracted to me too in denial, but was very homophobic. I willfully do not hide my sexuality, but don't base my whole identity around it either. I barely care about seeking a relationship or being loved except when I fall in love, I take around 6 months to fall in love but when I am, and when I am, I immediately become batshit crazy for 2 years, again.

Basically he was the one hitting on me and I did not notice, while I was the one concealing my feelings at best because having extreme fear of abandonment, I rather keep my best friend rather than try and fail a relationship. Things fell when during a night hangout he took me at his place to have sex with me but my mom wanted me back home, he then projected his own feelings on me and said I tried hitting on him and took pride in being homophobic and blocked me. He then tried replacing me by trying to go out with every girl he could think about and somehow miserably failed everytime.

This took a toll on me mentally and emotionally, I was in the exact same shit than the guy before. He also completely changed his personality and I am the type to idealize how people were back then, so until last year I basically long for someone that doesn't even exist anymore. We obviously did not made up and moved to other cities.

It's been again a year and half and I'm trying my best to get over him, but whenever I see a romantic relationship whether in real life or in fiction, I keep thinking about how we were back then and end up crying. This probably happens once a week but I'm so used to it I forget it. It is way better than before where every minute is dictated by an inner void and longing an idealized version of him and extreme mood swings and impulsivity. But I fear I will never love properly someone and this will always eat me apart.

I have attachment issues and can barely get attached to my friends. Whenever I do I try not to get a best friend and pull away because I feel obsessed and don't want this shit to happen again and ruin both of us and our friendship. It is either all or nothing. I either don't feel anything and rot in my bed or become borderline again and can't get a second of rest. Eventually the anxiety led me to get tired and drained of relationships, whether it's platonic or romantic, and I ended up doing everything not to have friends and for people not to even know about me irl, and backing away from all my online friends and once in a while deactivate all my socials and cut out all contact with my online friends, which are now the only social interaction I have.

I love isolating and feel only peace and free from worries when doing so, I become extremely productive, accomplish my goals, and wish it could stay this way, but my online friends somehow really care about me and they're the only reason why I just don't delete every social media, never use my phone and go free from social interactions, which I deep down really want to. I am slowly cutting contact with a great part of them, but I think theres only like 5 people I really wanna keep because they are so interesting and we've known each other for almost 2 years, and I.. worry about them. I want to be there for them while still keeping my inner peace and time.

I would want to get a romantic relationship, preferably an older man, only irl because I could not stand the fucking anxiety over text, but I don't want someone to know me irl in my city either. Hell, get on a dating app or go to a local gay bar and basically put on my face "hey im looking for a deep relationship judge me based on my looks and just hook up with me then ghost me" I don't want to go through meaningless relationships and give myself emotionally, physically and sexually, give my time and identity, and just have men slowly stealing every pieces of me and my inner self and peace :(

I made this post to finally organize my thoughts and properly vent, which I only did to my online friends on impulsivity. Limerence and being a hopeless romantic have been a huge part of me since I was a teenager, now isolation, and I just can not imagine myself living without it. If you want to help me and have any advice as to my situation that I did not think of (probably due to my lack of experience, I am barely an adult and never got into an actual relationship afterall) , if you want to share your experience (especially if what I wrote is very relatable, I've never met someone as contradictory as me) or if you want to know how I think like and how I process stuff with my disorders or how I do not suffer from isolation, which it seems like everyone deeply hates loneliness which I don't understand, I only feel free with no one I can depend on... then feel free to ask anything ! :) I'll try my best to answer and figure out where the notifications are lol

I've developed a crush on a lesbian.

About a year ago, I met a girl through a mutual group of friends.

Over time, we started seeing each other more and more often at parties and various social events. We also play online games together. Whenever we're at a party, we tend to spend most of our time together. We feel very comfortable and relaxed around each other, and genuinely enjoy each other's company.

She's a very attractive, cheerful, and intelligent girl. I've noticed that I've started thinking about her more and more often. Unfortunately, there's absolutely no chance of us ever being in a relationship because she's a lesbian.

I feel really bad about the whole situation because I'm quite lonely, and my previous crushes have tended to develop into obsessions.

The best thing to do would probably be to cut her out of my life completely, but that's not really an option since we have a lot of mutual friends. Besides, I genuinely want to be able to see her and treat her as just a friend.

I just feel really awful about the whole thing.

I saw him today in class and I ended up leaving early because I couldn’t be around him anymore. Now I’m just longing for him. I don’t even know him. I can’t wait till the class is over with.

Edit: this is actually a 1 year update to a thread I made previously which is here for anyone interested: https://www.reddit.com/r/limerence/comments/1ovxnrb/a_limerant_bomb_from_my_past_just_detonated/

Long post ahead about a little personal story, but I wanna get the thoughts of r/limerance on this so here goes...

I'm in my mid 30s. During my teenage years I had a gigantic, all consuming infatuation for someone else at middle/high school which lasted all 6 years of it. Started as a fixation during junior high, then as teenage hormones kicked in became a raging obsession.

And from the way that person behaved it was glaringly, blatantly obvious, they felt the exact same back for me. It wasn't a one sided affair... that person flirted with me weekly, hugged me and made public declarations of "love", among a few. Their campaign of trying for me left no doubt about what was going on.

But there was one catch. Owing to environmental factors, I had severe anxiety issues at the time. Anxiety made me absolutely paranoid not to expose my inner feels to anyone else, and I was exceptionally good at hiding it.

Throughout those school years while they were trying for me, I would've given subtle cues with body language that I reciprocated their feels, but every time they made an advance, I either pushed them away, rejected them, and might have humiliated them on a few of their public attempts.

The result was that my rejections over the years, built up on them like a death by a thousand cuts. By the end of school (last several weeks), there was 1 occassion where they did something which suggested they finally cracked, and from that point on made a behavioural reversal. They went from still trying to hit me up weekly, to going 'cold turkey' on me overnight, completely ignoring me as if I didn't exist.

That reversal left me in a meltdown. Throughout my formative years that person was my fixation in secret. And from their years of trying, I've never known a reality where I didn't have their constant attention. I took them for granted, and when they suddenly departed overnight it felt like a literal existential crisis.

I knew my own behaviour had pushed away the very person I adored like none other, and as collateral... not only did I hurt myself but I also hurt the person I cared for the most. That's the core of the "heartbreak".

I grieved daily, and the grieving lasted lasted for 3-4 years where as with everything it started off intensely, but gradually faded into the background over time until it seemed like a buried and distant, painful memory.

Now remember, all that was 16 years ago in 2009. For the most part of the last decade that saga has been nothing more than background noise, I haven't thought about it for 10+ years... until 1 peculiar day october last year when I experienced something that seems to be consistent with a somatic flashback (look it up).

After a few days of feeling nostalgic in a general sense, I woke up from bed one day with all the feels of that 2009 heartbreak resurfacing and engulfing me, all over again, in its full and original 2009 intensity... like the thing had just happened yesterday and no time had passed. It sent me to an emotional breakdown for months again.

By this point today, even that flashback was 1 year ago, but in its wake it's left me with one. burning. desire.

I want to explore reconnecting with that person. However, the purpose isn't to obssess over them and try to light the flame again. That much is in the past, I'm comfortable with that. It's not about winning them back. If they have a family and kids by this point I'll respect it and leave them alone. I want to speak a few words, but I don't wanna be intrusive.

Rather, I want settle this 17 year old feel of guilt and remorse once and for all. If I decide to pursue reconnecting, It'll be to express that long overdue gratitude and appreciation for their efforts back then. Get them to tell their teenage self that they have always been valued and regarded greatly... then leave them back alone.

Whether or not I pursue reconnecting will be a decision made with respect to their current life. And I do, it'll probably involve a period of small talk and gauging the circumstances first to see if it's appropriate or not to drop any bombs.

But there is 1 more complication. I'm not fucked or anything but I feel like I need to make some changes to my current life before I can even explore whether reconnecting is possible or desirable. In this past year I haven't even looked up their social media.

Over this last year I've already taken some concrete steps towards those changes and at this rate, I anticipate it'll be another year or 2 before I can explore it. But that flashback and my memory of that person, was literally the emotional trigger for the changes I'm making.

The me of today and the teenage me are essentially two different people. There's no way I would behave the same now as I did back then. But this one particular episode between me and that person must have left such a deep imprint on me that it transcended all the personal growth since then, and left me reeling again in the form of an involuntary flashback.

So... with this rather long winded story out the way now, I have a few questions for r/limerance.

1. Does this story share any similarities with other limerance stories on here or not?

2. Could you even call this a case of limerance?

Thanks for reading!

I met this guy only one month in USA. During summer. We stopped seeing each other, unfortunately cause my visa ended and I had to leave.

But he is stuck in my head. I keep fantasizing everyday about him. How to get over that and continue with my life?

I keep thinking noon stop about him. It’s crazy.

Edit: it makes it much harder when u live in a rural small town in a small country, where you do not like the people there or dating there, and you never date.

So I just keep fantasizing about that guy that I met in USA. Ugh.