The temperature around here dropped below 70°F for three days in a row, and I gotta get my practice in for football season (Go Lions), so today I made chili.
Start off by blitzing, a handful at a time, pork rinds in a blender until they become a crumbly powder. Put this in a bowl and put it off to the side. Wish you grabbed a second bag to snack on during the process.
For each pound of meat, chop up a large onion. Also for each pound, dice up one fresh jalapeno. Go back and forth for a while on if you want to add more plastic to the world by using gloves for this, or just raw-dog it and slice away. Suddenly become aware of every micro-abrasion on your hands and wish you had gloved. Put the diced pepper and onions in a bowl and set aside.
Per each pound of meat, drain and rinse one can of beans. Listen, I don't even like beans but in my weird little head because the chili's I've had growing up always had beans in it, eating beanless chili just feels like a bolongese sauce with a kick. Put it in a bowl and set aside.
Take a few dried chiles and do your best Afroman and pick out the seeds and stems. For chili, it's all about Variety over Volume, so you want to use a bunch of different types. I say this but as you can see, all I had on hand was guajillo for roasted smokiness and ancho for a fruity sweetness. Rip apart the pieces and put them in a bowl. I know, I'm using a lot of bowls.
When it comes to garlic, do what feels right. I have an Italian buddy and at his wedding I asked his sweet old grandma how much garlic to use in a dish. She said add one clove for each person who's going to be eating that meal. Then add an extra clove for Jesus in case he shows up. Then add 11 more because you know he's going to bring all of his buddies (we don't talk about Judas.) Regardless, crush up as much garlic as you want and add it to the bowl of dried chiles.
Lastly, in another bowl (it's called mise en place, sweetie) you're going to add your spices together. I do a tablespoon each of Cumin, Black Pepper, and Smoked Paprika, then a half tablespoon of Italian Seasoning and Ground Cayenne. Dump all of these into a bowl, lightly mix, and set aside.
Move your salt well next to the stove and get a skillet ripping hot. Start browning off the meat (For this I did two pounds of 85/15 ground beef because it's my favorite type; "On Sale.") Do this in batches and sprinkle on some salt with each batch. Cook until the meat gets brown, fat renders out, and the bottom of the skillet gets that sweet, sweet fond.
When each batch is done, add the meat to a metal strainer over a big-ass pot, allowing the fat to drip into the pot. Do this until all the meat is cooked, letting it hang out over the pot and allowing fat to collect.
With some water, or stock, or wine, or beer - really whatever you want - deglaze the skillet and scrape all the fond up. Have your roommate ask if you're cooking burgers for lunch. When the bottom of the skillet is clear and that liquid is bubbling, cut the heat and dump in the bowl of dried chiles and garlic. This will allow the peppers to rehydrate gently and not get too bitter.
In the pot full of meat fat, set it to medium heat and dump in the onion and jalapeno mixture, and a pinch of salt. Keep stirring until they get translucent, almost about to brown. Add olive oil or butter if you need more fat. When they are nice and shimmering, dump in the bowl of spices, and a pinch of salt. You're basically blooming the spices in the oil, letting the flavors wake up.
Take the skillet with the rehydrated peppers, their liquid, and garlic and add it to the lender. Crack open a jar of roasted red pepper and dump that in there - some of you might have noticed a lack of tomato paste in all this, I like to use pureed RRP instead for another layer of roasted flavor and without having to dice up bell peppers. Blend the whole concoction up - hey, now you don't have to mince or chop garlic - and add that to the pot. Stir the blender's contents into the pot, add a pinch of salt. Now you have a neat little glass jar to use for your other hobbies, like fermenting, or gathering seeds, or collecting empty jars because you might need them one day and holy crap, why are there 15 empty jars in my basement?
Dump in the beans, add a pinch of salt, and stir.
Open up the can/s of tomatoes (again, one per pound of meat), dump them in, stir. I know corn in chili is almost as controversial as beans, so I found a tiny little can of creamed corn to add that sweetness and because corn already plays so well with every other ingredient here. Dump that can in there as well. Fill the tiny can up with water to get every last corn molecule out, then do the same with the tomato cans, then dump that in. Pinch of salt, stir.
Add enough liquid (of your choice) to the pot to bring it all to the thickness you prefer. Then add another cup of that liquid, and what we like to call a throwback, add in all the porkrind dust from the very beginning. It melts almost instantly and all that piggy collagen goodness gets dispersed throughout the pot acting like a thickener while adding that unctuiousness that a good stock would. Pinch of salt, stir. Bring to a bubbling boil then drop the heat to a bare simmer. The longer the better.
I once knew a cross-country trucker who ate his way across the states and he told me that it's not chili unless you can stand a tortilla chip in it. He died of heart- and diabetes- related issues just after turning 50, so I assume he knew a thing or two.
Add whatever you want to it, it's a free country for the time being. Then go on Reddit and post about it because you still have the day off and nothing better to do.
