My dad died 30 years ago next year and I'm currently 35. Right after my dad died my mom went insane and lost custody. My memories of my dad were from October 95 when he went into sepsis shock, then a coma that lasted until May 97. Between 95 and 98 my mom slowly went insane, sold our family home gave away everything my dad ever had. She wanted to earse him because the memory of him hurt too much. When she lost custody we were given to my dad's mom, she never spoke about him because she would cry and then when she died in '02, I was given to my dad's brother and he never spoke of him. It was weird only remembering someone in a coma, hooked up to machines.

This past year I have cried more about my father than ever. I feel like I'm finally understabding how large of loss it was and how it affected everyone in the family negatively, the most was my mom. She died a few years ago during covid at the age of 61. She never got custody back and she never was a mother I could rely on but even her death was more like a relief.

But my dad had a really good job, he loved my sister and I and I have pictures to prove it and my sister's memory to live through. She is older....... But now I'm seeing people my age still have their parents around and it hurts. It makes me angry that I don't get to have that. Sometimes I wish I could call my dad for simple things. I wish I could have a drink with him and learn about his life. My uncle and aunt are still alive but were extremely evangelicals who abused my sister and I and they don't talk to us since 2009 when I life when I was 18. They think I'm depraved but they have so many things and pictures of my dad I wish I had but even that is taken away from me.

I feel like everyone took my dad away from me and I can't even have pictures or memories of him. It hurts so much to know I had a loving father, for 4 years of my life it was good. I don't want this life anymore but somehow still wake up everyday and treat people kind and push myself to keep going.

My dad was also in his mid 30s when he got sick and 38 when he died. I feel like mentally my life is ending soon even though it isn't true. It's fucking with me in a way I didn't expect.

I (24f) just feel down and pathetic after an argument with my cousin, a month ago she texted me I have to dry clothes again tonight lol, I said Mom said not tonight she don't feel good, She sick. She replied but thanks anyways, hope she feels better. I said Okay. She proceeds to say I won't come over to dry anymore teel weird now, thanks anyways. I said it's not a big deal just not tonight my mom is sick. She says Ik it's not a big deal & don't make it worse im not coming to dry ever again, I feel bad already for asking. I said what's the issue shar, you don't need to feel bad for asking. She says Have a goodnight bro, I won't ask ever again just know that lol, Just let It go , I should've never asked tbh .. I'll just go to the mat I'm just being lazy & I was irritated ngi … It is late tho i didn't feel like going to the mat or driving up west chester to dry clothes.. but I'm dead ass never asking again its just a pride thing & i refuse to ask anybody in this family for anything anymore atp.. i responded shar it was never a big deal for you to feel this way but ard have a goodnight. She says This the last thing imma say .. It be the vibes with y'all sometimes it be weird.. & I be venting to yall telling y'all my whole life, but it's cool .. I would never had told any of yall no, but I'm not coming over ever again ngl. Imma lock in like i been doing, & even harder now. Take care bri cause im so serious .

Now today is my brother birthday.. and at 3:00 in the morning she was here downstairs. I didn't know she was here, I didn't expect to see her because she did not apologize yet over text and have not come over and seen me to apologize. So when I seen her downstairs talking to my brother and playing the game and smoking with him... I was caught off guard. She said hey and I was like hey quietly like shaking my head and she was like what's wrong and I was like you gonna ask me what's wrong when you didn't even get to apologize? And that's what kickstarted the argument. Now In the argument I feel like I was getting my point across I told her she was being inconsiderate and disrespectful toward my mom feelings and that it was wrong. She said she didn't think she was being disrespectful because she didn't call me out my name and that I would take it this deep. I said you took it there in the texts and that it was a big deal for you to take it deep all because someone said no.
I told her I wasn't the one who said no my mom did because she was sick and if she don't feel like someone in her house she's has a right because it's her house she not obligated to say yes to anyone.
She said she wasn't being disrespectful because she didn't call me out my name and all that. The discussion I thought we were going to have didn't turn out the way I thought. After the argument she said it was disrespectful and she apologized. We talked a little bit and she left

and afterwards she left my mom was furious with me she said that she walked all over me in the argument and I did say what I was going to say for weeks. And that she completely overruled me and humiliated me in my own house. And that she won't ever respect me because I'm too nice.

and afterwards she left my mom was furious with me she said that she walked all over me in the argument and I did say what I was going to say for weeks. And that she completely overruled me and humiliated me in my own house. And that she won't ever respect me because I'm too nice.
And deep down I feel like she's right, I don't like to argue and I'm not good in arguments and I feel like I wasn't as direct as I should have been when setting boundaries and I should've been more direct on how to speak to me. My mom said if you didn't come downstairs she was never going to apologize and never went out her way to see me because if she did she would have came upstairs to see me and that the apology was not sincere. And that she's glad we made up but deep down she's never going to respect me because of the way I let her talk to me, she said she's angry at me that I didn't shut her down in my own house and that she humiliated me in that argument. She said I should have let my boundaries be known and that she's going to keep talking to me any kind of way next time.

I just feel so pathetic and walked over even my niece told my mom why is she talking to auntie like that" and my mom was so mad that she was burning up come say something but she couldn't because it wasn't her fight. I just feel so down... and in the argument my brother said that he could see both sides.. I feel like he wasn't on my side and felt a little betrayed.... I don't know I just feel like crying. I just feel disrespected and feel pathetic to my core right now I just feel like crying. I somehow feel like In an argument I don't get my point across the way I want it to and I just feel like I lost the argument and got disrespected in my own house. I tend to care about people feelings more than mine and I don't say things in the moment because I'll feel bad about hurting their feelings. I just don't want to be humiliated in my own house with my nieces and nephews and mom hearing it.. it's becoming unbearable to even show my face right now because I'm embarrassed. I feel like I got my point across but my mom said she shut me down and embarrassed me and I'm way too nice and that she don't know where I got that from because I definitely didn't get it from her, or dad and not my grandmother. I just feel so sick to my stomach that they witnessed it and I keep replaying it over in my head, I could have stomached it better if I got humiliated where no one else heard it I just feel so embarrassed and pathetic to my core.
Sometimes I think maybe I need to change my personality a bit so people can have respect for me..
I don't know I just feel humiliated and just looked down on. I do feel a weight lifted off my shoulders but at the same time I feel embarrassed to show my face to my family or even tell them about what happened.

Yeah yeah, work life balance, no commute, cheaper, more convenient. I get it. I've worked remotely since COVID and it's just not the same. I wouldn't take it from anyone and heck I would be pissed if I had to go 5 days a week BUT I still miss it. I don't know how old are you guys, but I worked from 2015-2020 in an office setting in the business district of my city which happens to be the most glamorous area of the city which happens to be the place where all pubs, good restaurants, etc. are. Saying on a random Thursday or Friday "Hey, who's down for a couple of beers?" and then ending up with the accountant, a guy from engineering, the girl from HR, people from marketing just drinking, talking about the company, life, it was awesome and so effortless. We were already there and the bars were literally right next to us.

Even with drinking out, we had this ritual to go to a new restaurant every Friday, with a group of us, for lunch (yep there is a ton of restaurants in the business district). Lunch in general, being able to talk with so many people during lunch, even coordinating with friends that worked in other companies (but still worked in the same area because everyone worked there) was sweet. That plus getting to dress in a suit, nice shoes was also cool (I know I could still do it, but I just can't imagine having a blazer just to be at home).

After a certain point, I am 19 and my whole life has been bull. I lost my parents I don't want to keep going anymore, why is that such a terrible thing to say?

I have been silly slide since I was nine years old, its been ten years of abuse, cancer, near de*th experiences, dysfunctionality across the board. I lost my mom a month before I even turned 18, that is my catalyst from childhood to adulthood and I am expected to just keep going?

the only reasons I haven't taken my life was because I was told and I believed life would be better overtime. As well as being a protector for my mom and my sister. I shouldn't have listened, I wasted my time being here and now I cant go a day without remembering how she looked when she passed away.

Life is very isolating, nobody my age wants to deal with me, don't get me wrong I don't say anything because its not their pain to deal with but it shows in my energy. It shows in my everyday behavior, I'm always tired now and I just feel pain everywhere I go. Nobody wants to deal with someone that is miserable. And I don't want to deal with other people anymore.

The fact that it is so hard to get access to tools to end your life is surprising to me, I feel like that should be a right to have as a adult. I didn't ask to be here, I don't want to be here. That should be enough for me to have access. But no, now its hotlines that hardly work and some stupid quote "time heals all wounds" or some bullsh*t.

I am tired, of all of it. i don't belong here, nor do i want to be. Why cant I just take a pill and be rid of this experience. We are all gonna go anyway, why does it matter how? Like literally I am a r*pe baby I wasn't supposed to be here in the first place but now i just gotta love life? what type of sh*t is that?

I swear successful people cannot get what it's like to try to constantly try and fail, I swear I'm not being a lazy person I'm literally trying to force myself to do everything I have in my power to succeed but I can't I'm genuinely not built for this world, I tried therapy I tried Meds, I tried reading self help, I tried forcing myself, Everything I mean literally everything I do feels like moving mountains, just waking up and going to work feels heavy, just getting in the shower putting my clothes on and brushing my teeth feels like a lot, my work want to fire me now, and I don't blame them who am I to blame them? they literally gave me chance after chance after chance, to make it up and they aren't asking me to the be the employee of the month just to do my work and I swear I'm trying I'm trying to meet deadline to do my part, to be a good human being in society.

but guess I wasn't meant to be it hurts that my parents do not get, that I'm genuinely trying, and they are very supportive but they think I'm just being lazy and not trying enough it hurts to not be understood it hurts to fight the feeling that you're lazy, and not just incapable of doing things, I swear that I have been trying since years, but nobody of them successful people can get it, their life and activities seem so effortless, I'm constantly nervous anxious, sad and depressed, I tried therapy psychiatry but some aren't meant to continue to live, but for some reason it's wrong to end your OWN fucking life

I’m Twenty Six F. Don’t want to make it political at all but huge part of my problem is the economical situation in my country, it’s bad way too bad!!!
5 years ago I started photography, since i couldn’t get a job or project, i focused on learning and sharpening my skills in photography and editing. I do portrait and food and drink photography, and I’m really good at it even tho I don’t have top gear, I’m good enough to be able to get projects and have a decent income.
Later I started learning about graphic design and video editing, and been building up my portfolio. Even tho I’m not expert like I’m with photography, I’m still good at them, and can easily handle working on mid level projects which a lot of local businesses require.
Now let’s get deeper. I have narcolepsy, it’s a neurological sleep disorder, I can’t work 9 to 5 jobs and fix hours.
I have to work as a freelance with flexible hours and remote. And well my field of professional activity is suitable for working as a freelancer.
Now let’s talk about everything that I’ve tried to get a job. I have a good portfolio and resume. Every week I visit different restaurants, cafe shops, flower shops, jewelry stores to talk in person and advertise my work.
I look online for projects in my hometown, and remote positions in other countries and email them.
I try to communicate with people to build up a connection. In my town connections are important. I’ve tried everything every possible way!!!
I get rejected for different reasons, some reject me cause i can’t stay for fixed ours, and it’s actually unnecessary for content creating. Other content creators work with different businesses and for example, each day through week, they go to let’s say to a cafe shop, to do the photography and videography, then, they edit the content and deliver the needed media for the entire week to them.
Sometimes i get rejected because??? I don’t even know, for example there’s this guy in my hometown who does food and drink photography works with many local businesses, and has a team, once he posted a job opening, i talked with him and then he suddenly hired someone else, someone who even didn’t know the theory of photography!!!
Sometimes i get rejected because of the lack of gear. I’m hopeless in this part, I can’t afford changing my camera or buy lighting equipment, but you know what??? I’ve put in my best effort to compensate for these shortcomings by sharpening my photo editing and retouching skills. I can edit an image in such a way that it looks like it was shot with semi-professional lighting!!!
Sometimes I feel like people don’t take me seriously, like give me a chance.
So you can say that I’m trying my best and keep getting slapped in face and rejected and ignored.
I’m so tired and done can’t even pay my medical bills these days. I need a job to afford my most basic needs.
I swear I think that I’ve been hexed!!!

Before i start my first language isn't English and i have dyslexic

She 17f me 18f we met online at the time in 2021 we met a year later in real life we life 1 hour and a half away from each we connect tru a fandom we bold grow out of it around a year later aour friendship had als been srong we texted a lot but resantlie she has really stop replying we bolt start our studdys wich i under stand she has les time but today she dm me she is very bizzy and dus not have time for me anymore ans she is greatful for the time we had together wich is really unexsepted cuss 3 days before we Were texting a bhout handig out ans she was Existed to she were i work it came really unexsepted and she dus have a lot of time for her ader friends i don't know how to respond she was my only friend i have a really hard time to make friends i didn't expert it I dont know how to really or do I blok her do I remove her From my life like picture and gifts she gave me it hurts to see i dont know what to do

Yeah that's it. I'm kinda really fucking annoyed right now I had somebody (obviously not irl) but online accuse me of both not being black then weaponizing my fake blackness. Keep in mind this was a conversation on a fan sub so not real world issues or anything. Anyway just pissed me the fuck off. Sorry I guess I don't act like an actual black person. What does it even mean to act black?

Then they tried to say I need therapy because I got offended like fuck them!

i genuinely dont have the will to do any college shit anymore, i have so much to do and i have the time but i just cant force myself to do it. ive looked up so many advice on how to motivate myself to alteast study for 5 minutes but it genuinely makes me wanna slam my head against a wall. and im majoring in IT and thinking abt the grim job market makes everything worse

I am 18F I turned 18 a month ago, prior to it my family has always been messy in a way, we don’t console with each other we don’t speak words of kindness to each other the family basically survives on bitterness. When I was a kid I used to get picked on in both my primary schools and my secondary school. In primary they would laugh at my hair (it was my friends laughing) and nobody would want to sit next to me because I smelled, we had a guest speaker once and I was a shy kid so I never spoke up if anything happened to me, and so i wasn’t feeling well that day and ended up throwing up in the toilet and didn’t tell the teacher or anything, and when the first speaker was speaking one of the boy’s started complaining and the guy had to stop talking and the boy was refusing to sit next to me because I smelt. I don’t blame them as I started puberty early but my parents would just have my younger siblings to look after since I have 3 younger and 2 older, or they were busy dealing with my older sister who kept getting in trouble in school. A teacher ended up telling my brother who picked me up that I need deodorant and when they told my parents they got mad at me.

I was around 6 and I had to make my own school lunches, get ready for school, take my little sister with me and do my own hair. I didn’t have anyone to really relate to either as I was the only black person in my class so every time we watched something in class I would get so much anxiety as a black girl came on screen, as people would shout out that it looked like me when they we’re nowhere the same as me. I enjoyed playing basketball since I formed friends with mostly boys and I liked it however my parents said it was for boys and I ended up stopping. I also liked creating things I would make my siblings a bunch of stuff out of cardboard like a play kitchen I once made (to the best of my ability) yet my parents would always say I’m making a mess.

And then I ended up finding out about Roblox and I liked it a lot and played with my friends and stuff and I got my little sister to play with me we would make YouTube videos and a whole bunch of stuff. However, before this when I was around 5 or 6 I committed COCSA to both my little brother and little sister, I know my little brothers one was purely out of curiosity because he was a boy and I’m a girl and I never understood why we had different parts and my parents used to make me change his diaper so that’s how I figured it out. I also got exposed to porn on YouTube when it came on my home page and from there on I watched like vanilla stuff. I re enacted it on both my siblings once with my brother who I didn’t do a lot with but that still doesn’t dismiss it and the with my younger sister who I didn’t it twice with and we both took turns on both occasions. I don’t think my brother remembers but my sister does and we got in a fight when I was 17 and she was calling me ugly and I was calling her fat and then she just started saying incest out loud, I was stunned and she was like “yeah look who’s mad now” and I wasn’t even mad I just wasn’t expecting it. We never spoke on it before so it was a shock but I should’ve known it would come one day, after that she would just tell my niece that I’m a witch and to not come to me and would make comments in front of other people about me, these were all completely unprovoked as I stopped talking to her and just ignored her. I know what I did was bad back the but I was 7 at most and if I was to force her down and make her do stuff I would understand that but we literally took turns she also one year younger than me and I don’t know I just feel she’s trying to ruin my life with it.

I know I can move out and I’m definitely working on it. It also kind of hurts as I never did any of those things again and from that point we had a good bond we made YouTube channels together, would play games every day and would sleep with our doors open so we could speak. And It just feels like a slap in the face like because I did something bad as a kid everything from that point was meaningless. But anyways ever since I was like 16 my dad has been like he just puts my rest of my siblings over me instead of us all kinda equal, my younger sister who’s one year younger my mom and dad and older brother all call her the baby of the house. When I started secondary school my mom would make me carry her shopping home and go shopping for her it would be like carrying 2 bags of rice home like those biggg bags. And I wouldn’t be able to go with my friends out because they were too heavy and nobody wanted to follow me on my errands. When my sister who’s a year younger started secondary my mom decided it’s too heavy for her since she’s a baby and made me keep going and she would always go out with her friends and go to party’s and stuff and I’ve never been to a party, or any event, a restaurant, cinema not even to the park with my friends or shopping. And I just feel like my social life has been ripped away from me. I remember getting invited to a birthday party to dine out and my dad said no even though I would pay, and then my younger sister asked and she was going multiple places and coming back at midnight and he said yes and paid for her, my mom even chipped in.

And sometimes my dad will buy food and when I come down everything is gone and his reasoning is that I’m always asleep or in my room when he comes back, it’s like he expects me not to get tired or to be working I work all day as I do my work online so I can literally retire both my parents and at this point I’m just doing it because they’re my parents not because I want to. It feels like I have to do everything for everyone else because if I don’t I get in trouble and then my siblings get to have things normal in a way. My younger siblings were old enough to do chores yet my parents never made them I brought the issue up multiple times that I have exams and they literally have nothing, but when they eat they’ll from the rubbish on the floor and I have to clean it or my parents will start getting mad. And when they finally did my mom tried to rub it in my face like a kid saying haha and paying them to do it and now they won’t do chores unless they are paid and if they are not my mom complains to me. Whereas back then they would literally beat me for not doing it, I got beat the most out of my siblings my dad also beat me a lot to take his anger out on me I’d be bruised all over and he would chase me onto my bunk bed, and throw stuff at me to get me to come out of my hiding spots that he couldn’t get into and I may have adhd that may explain why I was naughty when I was younger, my older sister used to taunt me a lot as she would know exactly how to get me mad yet my parents dismissed her as she would always say she was having an asthma attack when she got in trouble or she would tell the social workers.

My mom and dad are also divorced but live together so I never hear the end of it. I started a new job and told my mom and her reaction was that it’s good and then she started going on about my dad and then my dad he started lecturing me then went straight to talking about my little sister and how she didn’t like the coat he bought her, he’s spoiled her so much out of all of us and if he had bought me a coat I didn’t like I’d have to suck it up and go to school with it. My dad also always talks about my mom. Sometimes I’ll be sleeping he’ll call me just to talk bad about her or if I go see him when he comes from work he gets straight to talking about my mom. I’m sorry this is long for whoever is reading this and I know hearing the stuff I’ve done, I might seem like a monster to some who deserves to be behind bars. And I can assure u I think the same of myself, I don’t think I’d get a therapist as I’ve always kept stuff myself and don’t really know how to talk to people the best. I can’t help but hate myself everyday through every accomplishment because I know the person that I was it all just feels undeserved and yeah. I’ll be late for work now so I’ll end It here.

Please dont bring this post outside of this. I just need somewhere safe to vent.

Hi everyone,

I (F) dont have a good relationship with my mom. I dont talk with her a lot and she keeps yelling/guilt-tripping me about it and it makes me feel frustrated. I just couldnt explain to her why our relationship drifts apart, since there are too much of them.

When I was 15 years old, I was in a relationship with a tomboy. When my mom found out, she beat me up, yelled at me and called me a disgrace, disgusting and other horrible things as well. I think that this is when i stopped wanting to talk with her, since those words that she told me broke me a little.

When I was 17, i moved to another country alone. My mom told me to visit her friend's family, whom my mom still keep a close relationship with, since they are also living in the same country that i moved too. I visited them every now and then for dinners and occasionally slept over too. I got sexual assaulted by their son, whom i used to have feelings for before that happened, and my relationship with them were not good anyway since they made me do all kinds of chores whenever i visited and told me that i need to learn how to do chores so i could be a good wife for their son. So i stopped contacting and visiting them, since i felt uncomfortable and disgusted. My mom yelled at me about it, but i didnt told her why i stopped contacting them at that time.

Then Covid hits, lockdown started. I got depressed. Relationships with friends werent good, things werent great, i was super lonely and i also hate how i look. Everyday i woke up, i wish i didnt. I started self-harming, sometimes i would walk to the ocean cliff or a bridge and thought of jumping down. I never told my parents about it because i dont want them to be worried about me since they lived far away. I was spiralling for one and half year, before i met my current bf and things started to get better.

Then one day my mom called me and lectured me again about how i dont call my family oftens and how i ruined her relationship with her friend's family because i dont contact them anymore. At this time, I was busy, i started working at a restaurant while having to manage study too, so I wasnt able to call home often and I did explain to her before too. But after being lectured, and blamed over and over that i dont love my family, and this also happened after i finished my 10 hours shift and im exhausted, i crashed out. I told them about how ive been battling depression for one and half year, how i have been self harming, developing eating disorder, body dysmorphia, and i am exhausted with both school and work. I thought she would comfort me, but she started to yell at me even more, telling me things like i am a spoiled brat, i am not thoughtful of my family, i am not allowed to have depression because they raise me, and told me that i need to grow the fuck up. I was 19 at this time btw. I also told my mom what happened between me and her friend's family, about the sexual assault and all the chores and the wife stuffs, mom told me that i was probably being "suggestive" to the guy so thats why i got sexual assaulted, and being "sexual assaulted" by someone you know is normal because she experienced that too. She also said that all the things that that family made me do and said is for my own good too. At this point, i was heartbroken and i couldnt understand why my own mom couldnt stand up for me or at least try to understand me.

I stopped talking with my mom about my personal stuff since then. She would tell other people of how i am a disrespectful kid who doesn't love family, and she would do stuff like crying to me and asking things like why cant you love like how other daughters love their moms. Whenever i mentioned how she broke me, she would said things like why are you holding grudges to your own mother?

Recently she started caring more about mental health and started to ask about my mental health. She did say sorry for what she said in the past. And with their effort to try to fly over to visit me, I started to talk with them a bit more, but never my personal fellings. I could see that they are amking effort to fix what they did, but i just never feel excited to see them or their effort. In fact, I am actually very exhausted whenever they try to fix anything because in the end, my mom would force me to live her way. Since i am an adult now, i guess she cant do much about controlling me anyway. But the fact that i just never feel anything towards my parents nowadays made me feel guilty and scared of myself a little.

One more thing that it started to make me feel uncomfortable nowadays with my mom. It just an old memory that i randomly remember after seeing a post. It was a memory about how my mom made me french kissing her up until i was like 10 years old and all i remembered that it was very uncomfortable. When remember it nowadays, it just made me feel uncomfortable and ashamed. I dont know if this is normal or not, and that made me want to shut myself from my mom even more.

Im sorry if this post feels very incoherent. My English is not good and my thoughts are just messy when im writing this. Thanks for listening tho.

Hey,

About two months ago, I heard a loud bang against the wall while I was playing games. I walked out to find my dad on the couch just watching tv casually and my mom in the kitchen clearly pissed off. I asked what happened and this is what I gathered from what my sister said. My parents had dinner and I think my dad was moody, after they ate my mom asked him to cover the food so it could be eaten later. She asked it in a tone that was a bit rude I guess, and that upset my dad, because when my mom turned to the sink to wash the dishes, he threw a wooden spatula at her head.

It barely missed her and it landed on the floor, she got really angry and I think they exchanged a few words, I’m not sure since I had my headphones in. Anyways, the bang on the wall was from my mom throwing the spatula at the wall out of frustration and it had left a hole. My sister came out of her room and got angry at my dad and was yelling at him, shaming him and telling him he had a man’s ego. He looked like he was about to hit her but she called him out on that, telling him to do it to bait him (he has a CPS case on his record, where he was the aggressor towards me).

My sister told my parents to seperate, so my mom went to their room and my dad stayed on the couch. I went to comfort my mom and she was crying to me about what he did, and telling me all the stuff she’s had to put up with from his family as well. They’d both been physically abusive to me and my siblings in the past, my dad moreso, but hearing my mom like that made my heart ache a lot.

My mom has since forgiven my dad and they’re perfectly fine and happy again, but I can’t get that night out of my head and it’s really changed the way I look at my dad. I just don’t respect him anymore.

I dont want adivce…. Im here to vent x

This year has honestly broken me emotionally. I’ve had beautiful dates, affection, intimacy and connections I genuinely thought were going somewhere. One in particular still hurts because I really thought we had something special even if the timing of life wasnt right, he had so much on i had to accept it 😪

I’m so fucking tired of feeling good enough to date, good enough to sleep with, but never good enough to actually be chosen. The rejection and ghosting have completely drained me.
I’m 30. I want love, marriage, kids and a future with someone. Nothing extravagant, just someone who genuinely wants me and enjoys my company..

The jokes about my dating life at work are starting to really upset me, like a lot.. i laugh along like it’s funny, but I’ve actually been sneaking away on my lunch breaks to cry because I’m so frustrated and honestly ashamed of how my life has turned out. Then I go home and cry some more, or sometimes its when i finally unwind and head into bed.

I’ve tried so hard to put myself out there this year, and somehow I’ve ended up feeling more rejected and alone and isolated than ever😪
I’m happy for everyone finding love. I’m just so tired of feeling left behind.
I just wanted to be loved, not left questioning whether I ever mattered. x

Rant over x

I'm someone who is very anxiously attached in relationships. Mainly for the fact that I had an unstable childhood but also from being very scarred by previous relationships.

I'm now seeing someone and everything has been going great but I cannot stop myself from feeling nauseous with anxiety because I can feel him pulling away. To be clear I have little to no concrete evidence of this happening I just take any amount of space as abandonment because I have been abandoned many times in the past.

And frankly he has been different the past day; not texting as much and responses taking more time. I do truly want to communicate about how I feel ,but I'm worried it'll freak him out. I'm scared that when he sees who I truly am this anxious insecure and sometimes needy person he'll be repulsed by me.

We're supposed to see each other later today, but I'm so scared he'll cancel last minute. I genuinely don't know what to do with myself anymore.

I just got home from the hospital, my sister hasn’t been released as she has to be evaluated for another few hours but I just feel so incredibly angry at her.

I got off work today around 2pm, my mum immediately begins telling me that my younger brother had just called her and told her my sister had punched a hole in the wall in a very visible place (we live in a strict rental and we have an inspection due soon which could get us in a lot of trouble)

She was originally suppose to pick my brother up an hour earlier from work but decided not to without telling anyone, my mum even gave her fuel money as she complained about not having fuel, he ended up having to call our dad to come pick him up and take him home, my dad doesn’t live with us and my parents recently separated so this is abit complicated in itself.

They then got into an argument when he got home which she then proceeded to get into an argument with her boyfriend who was at our house because he didn’t defend her against our brother, hit him and then when my brother yelled at her for that, she stormed into her room and punched a hole in the wall.

As is expected, my mum was extremely angry and frustrated as my sister has had a long history of aggression and violence not only in general but to the point where she attacks us over small things like “giving her a dirty look”when in reality we’re simply just looking in her direction or at her for a few seconds. My mum decided to take her car keys as she’s only 17, she doesn’t even have her Ps so she can’t even drive without a parent which she doesn’t anyway and my mum is tired of her aggression and entitlement.

This caused a big argument where my sister was sobbing and yelling at my mum to give her keys back and that it’s her car (it’s not, my mum paid for it and it’s registered under her name, as well as my sister being a minor). She proceeded to back my mum against a wall trying to get her keys and my mum ended up leaving the house to go cool off and think while my sister continued to scream at everyone left in the house but she eventually calmed down and was even playing games with my brother who was the one she was originally fighting with.

I decided, since it had calmed down and I just got home from work and was tired from being awake and working since 4:30 am, that I would take a small nap in my mums bedroom since she had air-conditioning and it’s beginning of summer in Australia.

About an hour later, I woke up to my mum and sister infront of me arguing, my sister was lunging at my mum, trying to find her keys and grabbing at her, my mum then pushed her hands away and told her to stop. My sister then snapped and the best way I can describe her flip in behaviour is just turning completely feral, jumping at my mum and attacking her my swinging punches at my mothers head.

I didn’t even have a second to fully wake up before I jumped up and managed to reach my sister, the closest thing I could grab was a hand full of her hair which I pulled back to get her off my mum, who was covering her face with her arms trying to shield herself. My sister then turned to me and began attacking me, punching my in the head multiple times before my mum got between us, she then went back to attacking my mum in an attempt to get to me.

My mum was sobbing at this point and I was trying to get between them because I wanted to protect my mum, I had no intention of attacking my sister back, I was simply just in defence mode and wanted to protect my mum.

My brother comes in hearing the commotion and tried to pull my sister away from us, thinking my mum hit her. My mum took the chance to walk outside and call my dad while in tears, begging him to come help because she was scared and also extremely upset that my sister had not only attacked her but me too.

( I should mention that her boyfriend had left right before I went to nap however she acts nearly as aggressive towards us and him even when he’s around. )

My sister then locked herself in her room and was crying loudly and I could hear her on the phone to her boyfriend while I sat outside with my mum waiting for my dad. He arrived around 15 minutes later and went to speak to my sister but then calls out not even a few minutes later saying she had taken a bunch of pills. My sister has back issues due to mild scoliosis and hip dis-function and had been prescribed heavy muscle relaxants. She had taken around half a packet of them as well as some other high dose pain killers and was sitting on the ground quietly, refusing to get up as I ran over to help my dad get her to move.

We eventually got her in the car and my dad speed her to hospital and my brother, mother and I left only a few minutes later.

We were all in tears, my mum was screaming and crying after my dad had left and I had collapsed onto the floor crying, when we got to the hospital I ran straight to the emergency room where my sister and dad were. It wasn’t even a 20 minute drive however when I got there, she was completely calm. Complete opposite of how she was just 20 minutes ago and even was cracking jokes while the doctors looked over her.

She was taking videos of herself, sending them to my mum as we waited for her as only one of us could go in with her at first and she chose my dad. She was posting videos of herself with IVs in her arms on her Instagram and had people calling her while she didn’t answer and constantly checking her phone, even scrolling reels.

She ended up being given charcoal and was laughing and joking, didn’t want to drink it because it tasted gross, entirely unaware of just how serious the situation was. She finally, after an hour or so finished drinking it after the doctors as well as my family told her that it was either drink the charcoal or get her stomach pumped. The entire time she just seemed so uncaring of just how serious everything was, how upset we all were and as if everything was suddenly fine again. Her behaviour was so strange and I just can’t help but feel so angry at her.

I’m angry she attacked me, that she attacked my mother, that she doesn’t care how upset we all are and that she treated the entire ordeal as a joke or something to post about for sympathy. My mum thinks she has BPD which I should mention my father has been diagnosed with as well as bipolar.

The doctors didn’t seem to care, my parents wanted to admit her as she’s a danger to herself and others. It’s not the first time she’s nearly killed herself and not cared however this was the first time it was intended. They refused to admit her, just proscribed her counselling and told us to handle her medication.

I’m scared for her, I feel horrible and I’m so worried but the most prominent emotion I feel right now it’s just pure rage at her. There’s clearly a deep mental issue at hand with her and doctors don’t seem to care nor does she.

I found a duck at work :) I was feeling so miserable the last few days so it was nice to find. I work in a hospital and ts gets so sad but then too busy so I don’t even have the time to acknowledge my sadness. A nice pick me up

So I became friends with a gay person in highschool. He was pretty popular and it was super funny and girly to hang out with him. I was pretty and I liked fashion a lot but I was super shy, I use to smoke sometimes n, it was fun to smoke n drink a bit but this guy. He would come pick me up and just drink and drive constantly. That should’ve been the first red flag. At first we went to nice parties so it made sense to. But he started having no desire to go to any parties, he just wanted to hang out alone at night and drink and drink and go on about a guy he dated like 3 years ago, every time. I said it was kind of weird we were just hanging out on an car; drinking and he got super defensive and personal about my life. He has a beer belly now and multiple charges. At first too, I got made fun of a lot for being his friend and my family criticized me very crazily I mean I didn’t care, we just smoked, but after a while, it got really bad the fact he just knew me. it took me 3 years to get over it because at first it was fun but over time he started getting super obsessive.. One night he got drunk n just pushed me for no reason, charged at me with a full force, it was so traumatizing. He saved a vid me frolicking in a bush trying to get up and pick up my glasses. And some few other nights before he would literally just come up to my window. When we hung out, he’d steal my makeup and clothing, I didn’t know, he soon he used to just walk in without caring. It freaked my little sisters out of their mind. I was scared to say i didn’t want to be his friend because he would just come and steal from me. If I wasn’t home. When I asked if he did anything, he would just lie and say I’m paranoid or it’s my sisters. He’d try to make me feel bad about anything about myself, he’d get super defensive in a really bad way. I didn’t know who to tell about this because I already had problems at home my mom kind of already resented me, they thought I kept inviting him over on purpose I tried to tell her no n to lock the doors but she wouldn’t listen. To this day whenever something went missing my little sisters ask if my friends stole it. They probably lie about it. He stole from some other girls in highschool but because I lived so close he would just fucking rob us. I just don’t know how someone could be so intrusive n hateful to an innocent person at such a young age? But I feel super bad I did that to my family cause I should’ve listened the first time and not have him around at first. They really resent me for it. The worse thing of all is I never really did anything to him like he was just a fucking predator. I told him I wanted to stop hanging out he wouldn’t just wouldn’t fucking stop.??I should’ve called the police the first time, do something but it freaked me out so much, I didn’t know how to react and I was busy with other things. It got really bad with my stuff. Everyone in my family became paranoid he would be stalking. But my mom, became way too paranoid, he was just a teen I didn’t think he would do anything but she wanted to just sell her house and move, and now today she can barely afford to rent her place and resents me for it but it’s like, I don’t know how any of this is my fault. I was being targeted by this person and soon targeted by my family, no one at school wanted to be my friend because my substance use was getting bad but it didn’t matter because not to mention it but I already had depression, I was already a quiet person, I became really depressed, I stopped caring about my grades because my family was treating me really bad, I almost overdosed. My family hates me to this day and I still struggle with self esteem. I just don’t know what I could’ve done in that situation and being the teen I was, I was too embarrassed to admit I was a victim to therapy to school to anyone sometimes, and sometimes when I did say something, no one could do anything. I started not caring about myself or what was happening me either, cause I was already going through things. I’m 20 now about to move out, I’m ok now. That really fucked me up.

This is something I never really brought up because without talking about it face to face. I felt people will feel the need to deny it or dismiss it because its between two women and think its something that didn't actually happen and the idea of nobody believing me always hurt...

Especially now because I'm a sexual minority.

I am bringing it up now because she visiting and staying over a few weeks and she was being friendly with me like nothing happened 10 years ago. Rubbing my leg and telling me how I got so pretty and what am I doing for my future and do I have boyfriend. Trying to get to know me...

I remember vividly what she did to me when I was a child. I didn't understand it fully but I knew it was wrong.

Something that pains me to say is my mother knew. She walked in when my aunt was humping me but my mom chose to believe her lie that we were going to bathe together which is why we were naked, ignoring the fact she was humping me.

I never really brought up or held a grudge against my mom.

At times I can understand of not wanting to believe what you saw. I feel if I actually talked about it, mom would take my side but it was just something I never wanted to. Even now. I don't want to bring it up with her because I don't want to destroy their relationship because that's her only sibling and I don't want to be the one to cause family strife...even though at times I really want to talk about it and even ask my aunt why did she do that to me.

I feel so pathetic typing this but I’ve been crying for an hour after watching that new MrBeast video where the engaged couple loses 150 lbs together for $250k.

Everyone in the comments is talking about the money or the 163 days. But honestly? The money means nothing to me. Seeing Trey be so incredibly supportive of Sara made me physically sick with jealousy. I have PCOS which literally causes weight gain, and I’ve been trying to lose weight for years completely alone. Every partner I've ever had just made me feel disgusting for it.

Watching two people be each other's motivation instead of just screaming at each other or giving up... it broke me. I want that so bad it’s consuming me whole. The real win wasn't the money, it was having someone willing to make a difficult change alongside you. I realized today that I am probably going to do this alone for the rest of my life. I hate my physical appearance so much, but I hate how lonely I am even more.

TW: potential sexual assault, cocsa

Recently I (15 female) have had a dream that I KNOW has really happened.
This dream/memory occurred from when I was around 7 or 8 years old. In this dream a girl who I know was my friend asked me to see and touch my private areas. I have vague memories of pulling down my skirt a bit in the school bathrooms but nothing else. The girl in this is about a year older than me.

I know it doesn’t seem like much, but I feel so violated, even if it happened years ago. I don’t know exactly what happened, and part of me also feels guilty and at fault. I still know this girl to this day, and I’ve made another post about her. I have a very weird relationship with her, and she has always been weird and does not understand boundaries.

I don’t exactly know what I’m getting from this post, but I feel I need to get it off my chest and have no one else to talk to.

Basically what the title says. I (31M) hate them for a variety of reasons. I'm using headings and slotting the reasons and explanations into each to make it more organized. Here we go:

1. Passing down crappy genetics: I have autism and adhd. It's ensured that I never succeed at anything in life. I sucked at school, I sucked at university, sucked at extracurriculars, cannot hold down jobs, and cannot turn in stuff on time/ well before-hand. My executive dysfunction is very severe. The work I do is always shoddy, no matter how hard I try. I can't sustain interest in anything. I barely graduated from 2 universities. Mind you, it's not a big deal to go to uni and graduate with a degree in my country. I tried getting a 3rd degree, but my issues caught up with me and I had to drop out. The other part of my crappy genetics is my fuckall immunity. I was a sickly scrawny kid. I was a very picky eater always. They should have ensured that I got all my nutrients from whichever source they could push down my throat. Poor nutrition and poor health made sure that I never grew too strong or tall in my adulthood. Anyway, it's genetics that define physical build for the most part. I also inherited my dad's less appealing features, instead of my mom's.

2. They married each other and decided to have a child(me): They were the worst most incompatible match in history. My mom came from a decently educated middle-class background. She grew up on the right side of town. My dad was a gutter rat hailing from a working class family. In this part of the world, class determines values to a great degree. If those don't align, the marriage is bound to fail. And fail it did. I can't decide who was stupider in the situation. My dad already had a kid under the age of 10 from a previous marriage. His previous wife had commited su!cide. Despite the obvious red flags, my mom went ahead and married him against her family's wishes and the advice of pretty much everyone else. Dad married his first wife at the age of 21. Had a child within a year. This despite him having no means to sustain a family well(not like he was doing very well for himself). They moved into a ghetto in a different city after their marriage, and didn't achieve financial stability until I was around 3 years old. I was born in a ghetto; thankfully I have no traceable memories of it. Much later in life my mom told me that my dad never wanted to have a second kid, and I was the result of him not being able to keep it in his pants. Thankfully, he got a vasectomy not long after I was born. She still insisted on having more kids because apaprently I should have had a sibling's company growing up. My father was partial to my step-sister, so he ill-treated and ignored my mother and me. I had a small accident when I was 2 thanks to my father's carelessness. They had a huge fight about it, and my mom and I moved to a different city after that. She decided to stay married to this man for 15 more years, apparently cause she thought I needed a father figure in life. It's another matter that we lived in two different cities and he wasn't around much. They officially split when I was 15, and divorced when I was 18. The split and divorce were extremely messy and bitter. It never occured to her to divorce my father, remarry, and make a different life elsewhere when I was a kid. She got so sick of him that she landed a prestigious government job just so she could get away from him lol.

3. Always made stupid decisions in life: I guess this is the one thing they had in common. They moved to a stupid town full of half-educated hicks in the 90s. Apparently they were always scared of big cities. The downside, tho, is that they also passed up the opportunities that could have helped them. Mom and I moved to a slightly bigger city, it was still full of stupid hicks though. Both suffered for having made this decision. I remember travelling with my mom on public transport visiting my dad on the weekends. In the 3rd world shithole I am from, it's not always easy to use public transport. I remember being traumatized by it. Imagine subjecting a kid to this kinda trauma in his early childhood. The thought never crossed their mind, though.

4. Stupid decisions that they made for me: Until I was 7, they didn't focus on my education. I learned to read at the age of 7 lol. I wasn't exposed to good literature as a child, the stuff that matters - Enid Blyton, Roald Dahl, etc. She never got me into a reading habit, and I still don't have one. Shithole small towns in my 3rd world dump don't usually have good schools. As a result, my education suffered. She pushed me hard to study when I was in 3rd grade, but gave up because of how hard it is to deal with an AuDHD kid. She didn't bother having me checked or diagnosed. I paid the price for it when I went to college. Everyone had a better grasp on the basics, except me. I had to beg to her to move to a big city so we could access better opportunities, educational and career-related. We did that when I was 16. My formative years were lost, though. They had this wannabe streak about them- wanted to appear and feel like liberal parents. As such, they encouraged and invested in all my extracurrircular pursuits. However, it was always very half-hearted. It was more about them than me. Naturally, I didn't succeed or get good at anything.

5. Stupid decisions my mother made for me: When I was 12-13, I fell into bad company. She found out and thought I needed discipline and structure. So, she sent me to live with my dad. The only problem - my dad was abusive towards me, belittled me all the time, and lived in a shithole neighborhood in a shitpile city. The people were a bunch of hicks I couldn't relate to at all. I got bullied at school for being more urbane than the other kids. They would rat me out to the teachers, and the teachers would threaten and hit me(yes, in my 3rd world dump corporal punishment is perfectly acceptable in schools). At 17, she forced me to university to study a subject I had no interest in. I did not do well in uni cause I hated it(other than my mental disabilities), could not do well in the profession, and have tried to switch careers for a very long time. Uni, in turn, scarred me for a whole bunch of other reasons. I'm not even going into the verbal and physical abuse she's subjected me to for no fault of mine.

6. Shitty things my father did to me: He routinely yelled at and humiliated me in front of other people. It's because of him that I had to live in shithole small towns for 15 years of my life. Apparently, my mother wanted to be near his city so that it was easy to travel. He also insisted on it . When I was 11, I got into a nasty accident that gave me a fractured leg and several stitches. The day it happened, he refused to even visit us. However, to everyone else he made it look like he cared a lot. Granted he was in a different city, but it was only 200kms away. He also never let go of an opportunity to remind me of how mediocre I was, how I would never amount to shit, and that everything about me was overrated. At the time of their divorce, my father stole my mother's car, he illegally accessed money from her bank account leaving us with nothing to look after ourselves, and refused to take care of my financial needs - apaprently cause his first-born daughter mattered more to him and I was my mother's son. He never paid child support. I had to testify at their divorce proceedings lol.

7. Stupid shit my mother did to herself: As if marrying my dad and having a kid with him wasn't enough stupidity for a lifetime, she quit her prestigious government job on an assurance my father provided about taking care of us. After leaving her job, she freely pursued whatever hobbies she'd like. Didn't give a fuck about making money. This was when she was in her mid 40s. Today, she has no pension cause she quit the govt. job, no savings, and no retirement plan. No health insurance or coverage either. It was only a couple of months ago that she informed me that the coverage we had was very minor. Recently she ran out of all her past savings. I have my own savings, but I was gonna use it for something else. Idk how we're gonna pay the bills or put food on the table. She has no choice but to work until her mind and body give up. I will help her financially, but I don't think I can guarantee more than 105USD to her per month. This amount barely pays the bills

8. Stupid shit my father did to himself: Cheated on my mother the entire time. Imagine landing a woman way out of your league and cheating on her. Not only did he embarrass himself, he also wrecked his own family. The stupid hicks in his small town always made life difficult for him. There was this one time when we had a road rage incident, and the other guy threatened and abused him in front of me. Imagine what it would do to a 13 year old kid's self-esteem to watch his father get humiliated by a stranger. One fixer cum businessman he was in business with even threatened him. He could have earned a lot more in life had he curried favours with the right people, but naah; his stupid ego always got the better of him.. The bright idea of getting health insurance never crossed his mind either. He went for a risky surgery at the age of 60, partly because his mistress lived in the same city as the hospital. The surgery went wrong and he ended up paralyzed. He exhausted all his savings, sold a lot of his property, and had to beg for money on social media trying to pay the medical bills in his final days. A year later he would die of cardiac arrest caused by health complications. He and I had gotten into an argument about his stupid decision after he was paralyzed. His last words to me were - "never talk to me again." Died like a dog lol. I guess it served him right for what he did to me growing up. I and his daughter(my step-sister) are locked in a legal battle over his inheritance. It would be an ultimate fuck you to him if I do end up inheriting most of his shit.

9. Other reasons for hating them: They were/are born losers. Lived like losers their entire lives. Never could hold their head high. Never could avenge those who wronged them. Never could protect me. Always kept the company of losers and fools. Who even wants to keep the company of people status-wise beneath them. Always lived in shitty places. Never had any ambition in life. It never made sense to me that they never wanted to move up in life. Subjected me to the same bullshit they believed in, i.e. being losers. No foresight, vision for a better life, and no understanding of how society works. Just two people floating about aimlessly in life. I haven't even talked about how much humiliation I have had to endure from the world because of these two. Growing up, I wanted to move to a 1st world country really badly. It never even occured to them a life of dignity elsewhere might be worth pursuing. It was a lot easier to move abroad in the late 90s and early 2ks. Guess they were too attached to their shitholes.

Anyway, I have become a staunch antinatalist having watched them fuck my entire life up. I have been pushed into nihilism. I hardly feel joy anymore. I don't enjoy the things that I used to. I don't feel confident about the future. My life has become a saga of neverending struggle and suffering. That's all. For now.

I have wasted my whole adolescence by spendind all of my irrecoverable time sitting alone in my room. I do not remember fondly any of these activities and yet continue to do so. Any other attempt at experiencing satisfaction is just evidently unviable on the long term and just showcases my lack of commitment: compulsive self-pleasuring, easy "intimacy", drugs, food, etc.

My parents simply could not have been better, and yet I am ungrateful. They give me everything I ask for, ranging from love to material goods. I enjoy a decent education and have basically none health problems. Despite all this, I still resent them over errors they commited long ago, all of which they have apologized for and I have vocally forgiven.

I am an evil person. I am a bad son, a bad brother, a bad friend and a bad lover. Every single individual which has dared to care for me has been, in one way or another, scarred by my poor, stupid, possessive and/or egotistic decisions. No matter whether I do it purposefully or not, I have a tendency to push away people.

Words and apologies will never account for the damage I inflict. I would even argue that sometimes, trying to ask for forgiveness not only has made things worse, but just proves that ultimately, all I care for is my own well-being.

Just like you, I have made mistakes. While I try to convince myself that I have become a better person, new opportunities I receive to practice wrongdoing always tempt me, and half the time I actively decide to act upon these urges. The frequency and intesity of my interpersonal conflicts has reduced considerably, but make no mistake, if that is the case then its because of my inevitable loneliness.

I am incredibly isolated. Communication has always been difficult for me, it just doesn't come off as naturally as it does for most people. My social stupidity incentivices me to stop approaching social environments or even connecting with current friends. In turn, the loss of practice for vocabulary, mannerisms and nervousness makes it harder to involve myself in the scenarios I'm avoiding. Loneliness is eating my alive.

During my puberty, I used to be told that my prescence and sinful nature was more than enough to destroy any environment you could put me in. When discussing the topic, people usually act surprised and disgusted by the anecdote, stating that you cannot tell that to a kid. I however, could not agree more with the statement. Even without a theological perspective, I can always perceive my impact on others, one which I am not prous of.

I hate you. A psychologist I once visited told me that "hatred" was a strong word and tasked me with reading and thinking about it. I still hate you. I hate you with a passion you could not comprehend even if you tried to. I also hate hating you. Hatred has done little more than tiring me. Above all things, I hate myself. I used to consider offering people money to beat me up. Being the coward I am, I never carried on with the idea. I still hate me. I hate myself with a passion you may be starting to comprehend.

At this state in my life, there is no one else to blame for my suffering rather than myself. All I brought to the world was a waste of time, attention and money.

I watched the grocery store challenge today. Usually, I expect these videos to be full of drama or people turning on each other. But seeing Reyhan take the time to cook for everyone, keep morale high, and literally teach Uncle Juan how to read and write... it hit me really hard. It was just so incredibly wholesome.

I know how the internet works. I know people say these big channel videos are heavily directed, that situations are manipulated for the camera, and it’s all just a calculated move to get us to buy merch or feel sympathetic.

Does it make me an absolute fool to look at something that might be partly scripted and still get emotional over it?

I’ve been so cynical lately. I always assume everyone has an ulterior motive and I isolate myself because of it. But honestly? I am so tired of living with my guard up. I genuinely would rather be the "stupid, gullible" person who believes that interaction was 100% real. I want to believe that there are still people out there who are just that selfless and patient.

It made me want to trust people again. It gave me this tiny spark of hope that maybe, if I let my walls down, I’ll actually meet people this beautiful in my own life. Even if a producer nudged them to do it on camera, I don't care. I just really needed to see some humanity today.

As title suggests. I've been living there all my life unfortunately *desperate to flee to America after graduation* and I don't get it. I don't get who in their right mind would actually prefer the old continent over America? Like everything is so small there, their bread tastes weird *cus I've read some weird shit praising euro bread while it's not sweet?*, they got hardly any choice in their stores *like candy, or cereals or fuckin whatever imaginable* and even if they do it tastes different than American for some weird reason. Like sure there's monuments, old stuff etc. so yeah, I get visiting BUT NOT MOVING THERE! Like whenever I come to America for awhile life suddenly gets more colorful let's say but over in europe? Shit it's like they put something anxiety-inducing in the air.... like I'm getting depressed in no-time in europe.... Seriously, people who moved there, why?