I was taught to say me pones... when ordering food in Spanish. just translated it and it turns out Ive been telling these waiters my sexual proclivities. what do I say instead? I hope they don't get the wrong idea.

I’m a guy from India, and I was talking with some Spanish friends about things I miss from home. I said, “Man, I miss home. I used to ride in tanga. I love riding in tanga. It was such an amazing experience and it brings back a lot of memories.”

Suddenly, they started laughing. I was confused and asked them what was funny, but they just said, “No, no, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Now I’m curious because I feel like I accidentally said something weird without realizing it. 😭

For context: I mean tanga as in the traditional horse-drawn carriage from India, the kind people ride in.

My mum has been texting me in Spanish since I started relearning it, which is sweet, except she writes like a teenager. Last week I got “xq no me contestas?? tqm” and stared at it for a good while.

“xq” is “porque” or “por qué”. The x stands for “por” because that’s how you read the multiplication sign in Spanish, which I’d never have guessed. Once I worked out that “tqm” means “te quiero mucho”, the message got a lot nicer. She also signs off with “ntp”, no te preocupes, right after telling me something worrying.

Nothing in my course or Praktika covered this, so I keep a note on my phone now.

The rest of it so far:

q = que / qué

tb or tmb = también

bn = bien

dnd = dónde

xfa or porfa = por favor (the x again)

dsp = después

bss = besos

nd = nada / de nada

Does anyone else have a family member who texts mostly in abbreviations, or is it just my mum?

So I work in education, primarily as an assistant for translation and interpreting for Spanish speaking students with limited English proficiency. All of the students I work with are Latino, and they love to make little comments about my Spain accent (which I don’t mind since it’s clearly all in innocent fun).
However, I have a few little habits I struggle to get rid of. The main one being the use of ‘coger’ to mean take / grab/ pick up / etc.
A word so common and flexible in Spain Spanish being so vulgar in all other dialects is something I try to tread lightly with, but I still always instinctively want to use it in many situations.
The other day I was trying to translate a word problem for my kids, and one of the main word was “grab” and I instinctively almost said “coger” but was able to stop myself. However, I struggled to think of a quick replacement word and sat there thinking like a moron for a minute as my student looked at me confused before saying “¿quiere decir agarrar?” 🤣
So that’s funny enough, but the other day I wasn’t able to stop myself in time. I was trying to tell a student to grab their backpack and leave. Without even thinking I said “coge la mochila”
Naturally I was met with a very shocked expression before I quickly realized my mistake and was so embarrassed as I tried to explain myself.
The difference in pronunciation is one thing, but consciously trying to avoid a very common and practical word is a challenge I never thought I’d deal with when working with this language 😅
Still crazy to think it’s a vulgar and dirty term in practically every region except for one.

A Spanish man goes into a department store looking for a specific item of clothing. But he can't find what he's looking for and he doesn't know the English word for it.

So he grabs a salesperson and says, "Tienes calcetines?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what that is," the salesperson says.

The guy tries again. "Medias?" He asks, miming pulling up socks. The salesperson brings him to the trouser section.

"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero medias, calcetines," he says.

And so it goes for nearly an hour. Finally, almost by accident, the salesperson leads him to the sock section.

The Spanish guy, excited, points and shouts, "Eso sí que es!"

The salesperson's jaw drops and he says, "Well, why didn't you TELL me you knew how to spell it?"

Like imagine confidently telling your host family "estoy muy embarazada" after spilling water on yourself. the silence in that room must be devastating.

but spanish is full of these traps. "estoy excitado" when you're just excited about a movie. "introduzco mi esposa" when you mean introduce. every false friend is basically a landmine waiting for some poor guy to step on it.

the worst part is you don't even know you said something insane. everyone in the room is holding back laughter or shock and you're just standing there smiling thinking you nailed the sentence. nobody corrects you either. they just let you live in blissful ignorance until you say it again three weeks later and someone finally breaks.

i'm convinced there's an unspoken rule among native speakers to never correct false friend mistakes in the moment because the entertainment value is too high.

what's the worst false friend you've either used or heard someone use? i know there's some horror stories in here.

EDIT: Wow this blew up way more than I expected!!! Really loving all the stories you guys can't stop laughing through some of the comments in here they're gold

EDIT 2: Over 1k! This was such a fun thread to go through. Thanks for sharing everyone !