I'm five years clean today and have no one to celebrate with because no one new I was struggling five years ago! But here am I sober healthy happy with an amazing husband and an amazing son who will be one on Thursday! It gets easier and life gets better I promise! Stay strong people

( my husband is away for work or he would of celebrated with me )

Hello, you don’t know me but I am an addict. A Recovering Addict. I am one of the “junkies” you love to bash whenever someone mentions addiction on social media or hear it in a conversation. I know it’s hard to forgive the things we sometimes do because of our addiction, but I have a question for you. What is the worst thing you have ever done? Obviously, I won’t get an answer to this question, but think about it. That thing that you hate that you did. You know, that one thing that not too many people even know about. Well, what if everyone knew about it? What if for the rest of your life you were labeled by that one act that you would erase in a second if you had the chance? That is what being an addict is like, kind of. Now, I don’t feel like being an addict is the worst thing a person can be or do. You, however, feel like it’s a terrible thing. Don’t get me wrong: If I could erase it from my life, I would. In an instant, it would be gone, but I don’t have that option. I can’t even do what you do and pretend that this thing I did didn’t happen. In order for me to ensure it never happens again, I have to work hard on making sure it doesn’t. If I don’t, my disease will tell me I can have that drug just “one time” and not fall back into full-blown addiction, but I will.

Do you work hard to make sure your worst thing never happens again? Let me guess... you are thinking, Addiction is not a disease. It’s a choice. Right?

Yes, all addiction starts with a choice. The same damn choice you made when you were young and hanging out with friends. You drank the same beer I drank. The same pot I smoked. You even tried the same line of white or brown stuff that someone put in front of you at a party. You were able to walk away and not take it to the extreme.

Since I have the disease, I will spend the rest of my life either struggling to stay high or fighting to stay clean.

As children, we don’t decide we would rather be an addict instead of a cop.

When is the last time you talked to a little boy who told you he couldn’t wait to grow up so he could to feed the insatiable hunger of his drug addiction?

My best friend didn’t blow out the candles as a child wishing for a substance abuse disorder because he couldn't wait for the day his kids would go to foster care.

Nobody wants to have a substance use disorder.

Some of us just do.

So always remember:

You made those same choices, too.

You just got lucky that it was me and not you.

If you still have doubts, you can take those up with the Center for Disease Control or the United States Surgeon General. They have classified addiction as a disease, but then again... I am sure you know more about it than they do, right?

I pray that you don’t have to reevaluate these opinions because you find out your child or parent is an addict. If you do, just know that WE WILL accept you into our community. WE WILL help your loved one. Do you know why we would do that? Because we are good people who just want the chance to live like everyone else.

So please, before you write another post bashing people who are suffering, think about it. Not only are you hurting the people who have the disease, you could be hurting everyone that loves them. You have people on your friends list or people that may overhear you at work who have children who are suffering right this moment from addiction. What did they do to deserve the awful things you put out into the universe that do nothing but perpetuate hate and judgment?

You have a right to your opinion. But no matter what, hurting people is wrong.

WeDoRecover Feel free to copy and paste this so we can all spread the love and happiness ...... we do live on!!

I wish it wasn't me who was writing this. I really wish it wasn't. I wish I wasn't handpicked because I have one of the "best handles" on this subject. I wish I wasn't "qualified" to speak on the heroin epidemic that is a growing problem nationwide. I wish I wasn't a member of a community no one really wants to be a part of. No one ever says to themselves while reading stuff like mine, "I wish I could relate to this."

But I am. I am the non-addict who knows all too well what it's like to have an addict in the family.

I know what it's like to worry yourself sick. To cry yourself to sleep. To stare at baby pictures & reminisce. To check on them while they sleep to make sure they are still breathing.

I know to watch out for pinhole pupils and subtle changes in behavior. To listen to them talk and make excuses and pile on lie after lie. I know what it's like to pretend to believe them because you are just too mentally exhausted for an argument when you know they are lying straight to your face.

I know what it's like to be confused all the damn time; to see their potential, to know what they are throwing away.

I know what it's like to want their recovery more than they do. To be the one doing research on rehabs and other outlets for recovery.

I know what it's like to miss someone who is still standing right in front of you.

I know what it's like to wonder if each unexpected phone call is "the" phone call. I know what it's like to be hurt so bad and be made so sick that part of you wishes you would just get "the" phone call if nothing is going to change. You want that finality. You need the cycle to end. I know what it's like to hate yourself for even allowing yourself to find relief in that horrible thought.

I know what it's like to get the worst news of your life, and still walk into the grocery store and run your errands and smile at the cashier.

I know what it's like to become a part-time detective. To snoop through drawers and texts. You know you are going to find something, and you look until you do just so you feel less crazy. So you can say to yourself, "I am not paranoid. This is happening again."

I know what it's like to have your mind clouded; to turn into a functioning zombie. I know what it's like to be physically present at board meetings and dinner dates, but mentally gone.

I know what it's like to stop caring about your own personal and professional life. My relationship took a backseat, Christ not even the backseat - I kicked him out of the car. I would show up to work not showered and with huge bags under my eyes. I would cry at my desk.

Everything the outside world expected of me seemed frivolous if I couldn't keep one of my most important people in my life out of harm's way.

I know what it's like to be really pissed off. Like, REALLY pissed the hell off. Between the sadness there is a lot of anger. I know what it's like to feel guilty for being so mad, even knowing all you know about addiction. You are allowed to be angry. This is not the life you signed up for.

I know what it's like to scour a bookshelf and not find what you are looking for because this illness is still so hard to talk about, let alone right write about.

I know what it's like to hear someone argue that addiction is not an illness, that it is a choice. I know all too well that feeling of heat rising in your face as they go on and on about something they know nothing about.

I know what it's like to stop becoming angry with these people. They do not understand. They are lucky to not understand. I know what it is like to catch yourself wishing that you didn't understand either.

I know the difference between enabling and empowering. I know there is a fine line between the two and the difference can mean life or death. I know what it's like to the feel the weight of each day on your shoulders trying to balance the two.

I have been through enough to know that things don't just change for the worse overnight; they can change in a millisecond. In a blink of an eye. As quick as it takes two people to make a $10 exchange.

I know what it's like to feel stigmatized. To be the "sister of a drug addict," a "friend of a drug addict," "the daughter of a drug addict." I know what it feels like to be handled with kid-gloves because no one outside of your toxic bubble knows what to say to help.

I don't know what the future holds for anyone who loves an addict today. One thing I know for sure is I am not alone.

-Author unknown

Thoughts of an addict 💔 My dealer answers the first ring, "What's up man, I'm on your street how much do you need?" I sit and pause for a moment. My nose running, my stomach is churning, my emotions are completely out of control and my bones are aching for my next fix. The question hits me again? How much do I need? Here's what I need. I need one shot of low-esteem. I need 20 plus years of pain, guilt, shame and misery. I need to be so dishonest that I can no longer decipher the true from the false. I need to hate my life everyday. I need to dread the next day because I know tomorrow I'll be forced to do it all over again. I need to be degraded, and embarrassed. I need to spend everyday worrying about being so sick and forget about what real life is. I need a decade worth of getting my mother's hopes up, along with everyone else who believes in me and has rooted for me over the years, just to tear them down again. I need 3,560 days of being estranged from my family. I need multiple failed treatment attempts. I need homelessness, and dereliction. I need to spend holidays like Thanksgiving, birthdays, and Christmas year after year either locked up or feeling so outta place that I have to run and hide just to shield myself from eyes that I fear won't understand my awkwardness during these times. I need 7 overdoses and 7 emergency rooms to walk right out of. I need the stigma of addiction to make me settle in life. I need to be riddled with fear in every fiber of my being. I NEED TO LOSE EVERYTHING. Over and over and over again. Drug dealer pauses for a second and says, "Yeah homie, I got that for you. I try to tell him I don't want it, but all that comes out of my mouth is, "I'm on my way...😐" You've just visited a mere moment of an addicts thoughts... Do you know how many moments are in a day? I'm not exactly sure but I know it's A LOT...

I dont understand why. It's like I'm bashing my head against the wall and then getting all mad that I have a headache after. I dont know how I'm going to tell my friends, my family, my sponsor, my support group. I'm so ashamed. They were so proud of me. They could finally sleep at night. They're going to be so hurt. This is my pattern. Im the chronic relapser. I'm the one that will always fuck up. I'm trying to hold on to hope that someday I will be able to stay clean and find a new way to live but right now it is so hard to see beyond the storm. I cant believe I did this again. How am I supposed to face everyone?

I have clinical depression and was pretty popular and used to take Percs and Xanax all the time and smoke all day and I’d get everything I needed done and I’d function fine and never experienced lows or anything but I got caught by my parents multiple times and didn’t stop and my gf asked me to stop and finally I decided okay and quit and I’ve been trying to change how I do things I’ve been clean 7 months but my depression episodes( my meds were stopped because I had “improved” when I was taking drugs) are hitting me really hard and I just want to smoke or take something just to feel happy there isn’t a reason behind the depression so there’s nothing I can do to solve it I stay as busy as possible so I don’t relapse on self harm but it’s getting very difficult and I feel there’s not many people there for me my parents will just be upset I’m even thinking about it and just always turn the conversation to I’m sad because they don’t let me do what I want everytime no matter what it’s about they turn it to that somehow until I fully explain then they just throw a pity party and say ohhh I’m such a bad parent I’m sorry etc I feel so lost and sad I just need help

so, a little about me ig. 26yo clean from iv heroin, meth, coke, and pills for just shy of 3 years(by just a couple of weeks). im riddled with chronic pain, crippling depression and anxiety. i have no friends, my home and family is a thousand miles away, and im in a seemingly loveless relationship. over the last few weeks, ive actually found myself missing doing dope. i miss the feeling of not feeling anything. being devoid of the world and all of my problems. i miss the days of where nothing mattered. i thought when i freed myself from the bondage of addiction that happiness and peace would finally come to me, but really in all reality it hasnt. its really disheartening. i feel like all of the effort that i have put in has been for nothing... and it hurts.

The opiate epidemic is a horrible thing because our loved ones lose the battle due to death. Which is paving the way for meth to slowly take over america. What makes meth worse in my eyes is, what it does to the users brain is permanent damage. The lack of sleep warps ones perception of the world around them so badly that even going to sleep wont snap them back. After only 72 hours of being awake that person is technically clinically insane. Then on top of that the malnutrition wreaks havoc on your organs and only further starves the brain of nourishment. We need to educate the public. So people can better understand the risks to their own mental health. People are going to use drugs regardless, so it turns into a harm reduction thing. Over and over again America fails the public by ignoring these social issues. Letting them snow ball outta control, until its to big todo anything but let it run its course... In two years when michigan is taken over by meth and the homeless population sores past anything weve seen and these people start losing their minds. We as a society are left to deal with the permanent wond, that wont heal due to lack of mental health services. And just when we thought the drug crisis that has already taken out a huge chunk of the people of my generation couldnt get any worse. Were going to be left with a mental health care system that is incapable of handling this enormous wave of meth induced psychosis. Leaving the public to deal with the repercussion that this is going to have on our society. When all it might have taken to lighten the blow, was to inform the public of the side effects of long term sleep deprivation and malnutrition caused by meth use. Once again were going to be kicking ourselves in the ass. Wishing we didn't treat addiction as a criminal offense and more of a mental illness. Leaving the only thing left todo is watch as it rips threw the nation destroying communitys in completely new ways than ever before...

I just wanted to post to let all of the people out there know that recovery and sobriety is possible. I did 3 tours in Iraq and came home to be put on a variety of medication which i ultimately stopped taking and started doing drugs. I am currently 4 years sober and have gotten the trust and love back from my family that I had once lost. If you are having struggles with staying sober please remember that there are people out there who love you and that there is a better life for you. I am currently going through a hard time and am kind of homeless and couch surfing. But through it all I remain sober because I know if I pick up even one time it is all over. Please talk to someone if you are going through a tough time.

Hi! I’ve been sober 15 months tomorrow and am struggling with the fact that my life during my addiction (2013-2018) is really a blur. Will I ever retrieve these memories or are they gone forever? Sometimes it’s like I went into a deep sleep in the summer of 2013 and didn’t wake up until June 25th, 2018. DAE struggle with memory loss like this?

Hey guys I'm Kevin k. From San Antonio with the grace of God and a solution I am sober 60 days today life has been life these past 60 days and a struggle but today I'm greatful to say I am alive and I have a new way of life and a new family that supports my recovery.

Today I did the thing. That thing I’ve learned in group, inpatient and outpatient rehab. Something that’s been elusive for the past 5 years I’ve been in and out of use. I had a trigger I couldn’t really avoid since it was part of my body and it set in motion the bodily actions as if I were going to use. That gut wrenching nausea and anxiety kicked in. I reached out to my snap chat friends (so I could verbally say what was going on) then to my Facebook groups and then finally to my two former army buddies. I pushed through. Are some cookies and played a game on my phone and I survived. I did the thing and I wanted to share the story Incase it helps someone!

Several years ago, while struggling with addiction, I had stolen medication from my mother. Unfortunately, it happened a few times before I was able to get my life together. Each time I was confronted by my mother, I quickly gave up the lying game and came clean to her. It’s easier to simply tell the truth and deal with the consequences. It’s currently been a few years since and I have turned my life around. My mother and I currently have a great relationship. She’s my best friend. I have been 110% honest with her over these past few years. Tonight while at her house visiting, she asked me if I had taken some of her medication. I was completely caught off guard and told her the truth which was NO I DID NOT TAKE ANYTHING. I spoke my truth repeatedly, pleading with her, stating I did not take anything! My mother became angry and told me I was lying. She truly believes that I stole from her and that I’m lying. She said if I didn’t tell her the truth this would ruin our relationship, but I AM telling her the truth! I do not know what to do.i understand my past behaviors make me the number one suspect. I’m at a loss. The thought had even crossed my mind to just lie and say I did it just to get this over with. But that is not fair to me when I’m 110% innocent. Any advice?

My name is Brittney I’m and addict

I feel like we don’t talk about sadness enough ... like it’s sad that drugs ate away at my life for half a decade, it’s sad that I put chemicals into my body every day multiple times a day, sad that some of my closest friends in this program put needles into their arms everyday multiple times a day, I’m sad that I was so blind to the fact that I ripped my family apart and broke my mom and my parents 30 year relationship over money to score dope, I don’t think a lot of those relationships will ever heal. But I do believe in God today. I recently had this epiphany. I was sitting at my window on my knees praying and hoping for a change in spirit and it came. And I realized I’ve made it through the hardest part and that is a beautiful thing. My body and soul survived through one of the darkest hells and I’m stronger and better today than I ever have been. And getting stronger every day. If you haven’t come to believe that a higher power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity then I can’t understand because I am breathing today and not sick and not a slave. The best years of my life are ahead of me and there are tiny blessings around every corner. That’s not to say life will be perfect. I’m going to jail on Monday. We have to accept our consequence and learn from them. But I’m not going to use. I’m going to lean on my fellow addicts and remember how far I’ve come and remember the hell I was living when I was using drugs. I thank you all for letting me share and if I ever come off as shy I’m not I am just misguided, confused and young and naive I want the program I need the program but I am still learning and trying to soak in as much as possible every meeting. Thank you for allowing me to do that. I write and most of my program is through writing. I just want to inspire young females, as I was young when I entered the program and still young today as I re entered the program. We can make it and with the blessings and natural gifts god gave us we can all make a difference. With that I pass.

Today has been an interesting day. As a recovering addict/alcoholic I have been blessed to understand my step one truth. I am powerless over mind altering substances and my life is unmanageable. If I rely on my will alone not only will the cycle continue, but I will end up in hospitals, institutions or dead. I don’t have a choice. I need to find something new to rely on to fix the void within me and the delusion that I live in. Nothing is ever my fault and if people, places or things would just be the way I want them to I wouldn’t be suffering.

Acceptance is the answer. I am an addict/alcoholic and my will is not the answer. Nothing is wrong with people, places or things and they are not the “triggers” to anything. A deep seeded illness within myself is the cause of all of my problems. I am the problem and unless I rely on a power greater than myself I cannot stop and stay stopped.

Today was hard because I found out so many people that came into the program around the same time I did are back out. I’m grateful that I have understood my step one truth and that today my serenity in the face of calamity cannot be disturbed as long as I accept what I cannot change and change the things I can. My sponsee also went back out and he called me for advice and I asked if he understood his step one truth and he did not. He doesn’t accept responsibility for anything that has happened in the past few days. I had to step back and tell him when he’s ready to accept responsibility for his actions we can talk about some steps because I can’t help someone who is delusional.

Had a bad problem with cocaine. Tried hanging out with friends after going sober but all they did was try to pressure me back into it. It seems I've realized that all that kept us together was the drugs so I isolated myself from them. Now I find myself with no friends & sometimes lonely with nobody to talk to about my struggle with being sober.

I think back and remember all the times I did cocaine (over 20 years ago). All the times I would dissolve MS Contin and inject it into my veins (over 5 years ago). Snorting Oxycontin (over 10 years ago). Smoking K2 (over 2 years ago). I really am lucky to be alive. I'm clean now, except I use medical marijuana for my chemotherapy side effects. I'm ashamed of what I was. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be here.

Hello everyone I’m new to this chat but I’m hoping find some good people here. I’m 37 was addicted to crystal Meth just over one year thanks to my wonderful wife who been my rock I’m now sober detox at home been clean now for a month. My dealer got busted right after I got clean but I still think about often the fun of it mostly the sex was wild and crazy all night long and sober sex been hard to adjust to but I know the risk of going back not worth it but I do think about it often how awesome it was.

Come down was not fun some of the fights my wife and i had where horrible we where loosing each other I didn’t even see it. She decides to get clean which I was decided to follow now I see what I could of lost on the end.

I was asked this Friday to speak at youth corectanial facility, - ( I agreed to, and looking very much foward to ) i was asked to share about about my most recent 9 year sobriety off substance. Also about my past life and experience and where its led me to where I am know. I am thankful to be asked and for others to want to hear what it took on my end, I hope it can help the youth I will be speaking with.

I’m helping a fellow addict work the steps and he tells me that hearing me speak at birthday night inspired him. Maybe I still have self confidence issues, but hearing that my story inspired someone to do the right thing shocked me. I’m at one year of sobriety and was struggling with my recovery and this changed my outlook on everything. Seeing that a story about how I used to be a $#!t show resonated with someone, who is currently in that mess, and inspired them to the point that they wanted sponsorship has been a blessing. My past is an asset and I can use it to help people. I still feel extremely inadequate as a sponsor, but I also felt extremely inadequate as a sponsee. I’m keeping my sponsee in my prayers because I want God to do for Him what was done for me. Any advice would help as we are preparing to do a fifth step in a few days and I’m freaking out.

I discovered Refuge Recovery, it’s a Buddhist approach to recovery from addiction. The book is really good. Check out the web site. Compatible with AA, NA or Smart.

When I was in my addiction I thought that I was fat. I saw a video of me a few months ago that told a different story. I was skinny because I used to go three days without eating and when I ate my body would reject the food and I would get sick. It would take another day before I could stomach any real food. Then I would proceed to have two McChickens and a Powerade. I hardly ever ate any food with a nutritious value and you could tell that my body was atrophying. I would wear clothing to cover up and make it less obvious. My lips were always chapped and I stayed dehydrated.

Fast forward to June of last year. After detoxing at home I went into a rehab and little by little my appetite grew. I didn’t gain much weight until I could decide for myself what I could eat. Of course I could afford a little more than a McChicken now and here I am a year later wearing a size 32 instead of sagging a size 28. I keep asking myself how this happened. This morning I looked in the mirror after a shower and I thought to myself that I looked like a corn dog. Tiny legs and then just blew up and I had to shake myself out of the negative self talk. I don’t have to live that way anymore, but I’m still learning how to properly take care of myself and show myself kindness.

I’m a 32 year old that understands nothing about proper eating habits, even though my mom taught me better. How did I forget proper nutrition and how do I unlearn the bad eating habits I picked up along my journey to recovery? Progress, not perfection and today I’m just going to accept that the weight I put on can’t be undone unless I act. The rest is in the hands of the Almighty. No more negative self talk and no more excuses. I don’t have to live like this way anymore.

I live a busy life now. Sponsees, service work, family, my relationship with God, work and school take up the bulk of my time and I feel that this is why I haven’t been able to cook and have mostly had to rely on fast food. I need change.

Is it normal for memories to still be popping up a year and a half clean? I’ve been having stuff randomly pop up that I totally forgot happened.

I'm new on this sub so I'll just share a little. I was an addict for about 11 years. I'll have 21 months clean on the second. I've had great times and I've had really difficult times. So difficult I wanted to give up, but I kept moving forward. I've never been able to think so clearly in my entire life. Its refreshing really. I have a normal life now with normal problems. I'm thankful to stress over bills. Crazy right?! Its true though. You really begin to appreciate life as it is. Just don't let anything get you down and if it does, try and pick yourself right back up. Practice makes perfect. Anyway I guess my point is that no matter what you cannot give up. Sobriety is so important and I know if I can do it so can all of you. Stay true to yourselves and keep up the hard work. It definitely pays off! Much love! <3