From opiates (oxy mostly). I am so high. I feel amazing. But I am so disappointed in myself.

I worked hard to get clean, to recover from my eating disorder, to stop self harming. To take care of my body. I stay away from pills because I KNOW I will use if I have access.

SO got her wisdom teeth out and got pain pills which she hid from me. Left them on the counter and I snagged two and took them without a thought. I didn’t even blink or think before I took them. I’m so sad that all it took was a pill bottle on a desk. I want to be high all the time, I think about it a lot but I know I don’t want to be where I was two years ago. And I was given the opportunity to be an advocate for myself, to stand up to my impulses, and I didn’t even try.

Now I can’t stop thinking about that fucking pill bottle sitting on the counter.

I’m in the middle of my 4th step and it’s super emotional. This guy(not an addict) that is interested in me just doesn’t understand how deep and emotional it is for me. He keeps telling me I need to be positive and that my flaws aren’t current, they are my past(Not true. Flaws will always be here. My actions are my past..) and keeps throwing out these positive affirmations at me...I know he means well and I’ve told him that. I’ve tried explaining to him though that I’m going through a lot of emotions and stuff. He doesn’t get it. Talking to my sponsor last night doing step work she wants me to remain abstinent and not date for the next 6 months and see how things go with my self esteem, life, etc. I’m terrified of breaking this kids heart. I just met him the other day and he’s already head over heels for me even after me telling him I needed to take things slow...this is a hot mess right now. I plan on telling him Friday night that I can’t date him and we need to remain friends for the time being. Wish me luck.

I wanted to post a question about something kind of personal to get advice from my community. So on Friday I was sexually harassed at work by a coworker. He pinched my nipple on the sales floor and I asked him to stop and then he tried to do it again. I ended up having to file an HR complaint. Since I transferred to this location I have been having to tell him to stop several times, but only about pulling my arm hair. He also had been making comments about how my nipples were showing through my shirt. I covered up with a jacket and tried wearing an under shirt as well to help. He says he’s heterosexual and I believe it and that’s what confuses me the most. I once talked to him about consent and how no actually means no and he laughed the entire time saying that sometimes there’s a playful no.

It was embarrassing to come forward and make the complaint because I feel violated. I feel that our society doesn’t have much compassion when a male sexually harasses another male. My job is being so supportive of me and I still feel bad for the guy who did this to me. He’s not a monster or a bad person, he just made a mistake. I’ve had many meaningful conversations with him and he’s been extremely supportive of me in the past. I don’t understand why he decided to cross this line if there was always a no consent and constant reminders that he did not have permission to touch me. I feel extremely devastated and I haven’t had any desire to use and I wrote inventory about it already. I did the work and I have the steps and tools to help so why do I feel like I did something wrong? He’s going to lose his job over this and I know that actions have consequences. AITAH for reporting him or did I do the right thing?

Hello, you don’t know me but I am an addict. A Recovering Addict. I am one of the “junkies” you love to bash whenever someone mentions addiction on social media or hear it in a conversation. I know it’s hard to forgive the things we sometimes do because of our addiction, but I have a question for you. What is the worst thing you have ever done? Obviously, I won’t get an answer to this question, but think about it. That thing that you hate that you did. You know, that one thing that not too many people even know about. Well, what if everyone knew about it? What if for the rest of your life you were labeled by that one act that you would erase in a second if you had the chance? That is what being an addict is like, kind of. Now, I don’t feel like being an addict is the worst thing a person can be or do. You, however, feel like it’s a terrible thing. Don’t get me wrong: If I could erase it from my life, I would. In an instant, it would be gone, but I don’t have that option. I can’t even do what you do and pretend that this thing I did didn’t happen. In order for me to ensure it never happens again, I have to work hard on making sure it doesn’t. If I don’t, my disease will tell me I can have that drug just “one time” and not fall back into full-blown addiction, but I will.

Do you work hard to make sure your worst thing never happens again? Let me guess... you are thinking, Addiction is not a disease. It’s a choice. Right?

Yes, all addiction starts with a choice. The same damn choice you made when you were young and hanging out with friends. You drank the same beer I drank. The same pot I smoked. You even tried the same line of white or brown stuff that someone put in front of you at a party. You were able to walk away and not take it to the extreme.

Since I have the disease, I will spend the rest of my life either struggling to stay high or fighting to stay clean.

As children, we don’t decide we would rather be an addict instead of a cop.

When is the last time you talked to a little boy who told you he couldn’t wait to grow up so he could to feed the insatiable hunger of his drug addiction?

My best friend didn’t blow out the candles as a child wishing for a substance abuse disorder because he couldn't wait for the day his kids would go to foster care.

Nobody wants to have a substance use disorder.

Some of us just do.

So always remember:

You made those same choices, too.

You just got lucky that it was me and not you.

If you still have doubts, you can take those up with the Center for Disease Control or the United States Surgeon General. They have classified addiction as a disease, but then again... I am sure you know more about it than they do, right?

I pray that you don’t have to reevaluate these opinions because you find out your child or parent is an addict. If you do, just know that WE WILL accept you into our community. WE WILL help your loved one. Do you know why we would do that? Because we are good people who just want the chance to live like everyone else.

So please, before you write another post bashing people who are suffering, think about it. Not only are you hurting the people who have the disease, you could be hurting everyone that loves them. You have people on your friends list or people that may overhear you at work who have children who are suffering right this moment from addiction. What did they do to deserve the awful things you put out into the universe that do nothing but perpetuate hate and judgment?

You have a right to your opinion. But no matter what, hurting people is wrong.

WeDoRecover Feel free to copy and paste this so we can all spread the love and happiness ...... we do live on!!

When I was in my addiction I thought that I was fat. I saw a video of me a few months ago that told a different story. I was skinny because I used to go three days without eating and when I ate my body would reject the food and I would get sick. It would take another day before I could stomach any real food. Then I would proceed to have two McChickens and a Powerade. I hardly ever ate any food with a nutritious value and you could tell that my body was atrophying. I would wear clothing to cover up and make it less obvious. My lips were always chapped and I stayed dehydrated.

Fast forward to June of last year. After detoxing at home I went into a rehab and little by little my appetite grew. I didn’t gain much weight until I could decide for myself what I could eat. Of course I could afford a little more than a McChicken now and here I am a year later wearing a size 32 instead of sagging a size 28. I keep asking myself how this happened. This morning I looked in the mirror after a shower and I thought to myself that I looked like a corn dog. Tiny legs and then just blew up and I had to shake myself out of the negative self talk. I don’t have to live that way anymore, but I’m still learning how to properly take care of myself and show myself kindness.

I’m a 32 year old that understands nothing about proper eating habits, even though my mom taught me better. How did I forget proper nutrition and how do I unlearn the bad eating habits I picked up along my journey to recovery? Progress, not perfection and today I’m just going to accept that the weight I put on can’t be undone unless I act. The rest is in the hands of the Almighty. No more negative self talk and no more excuses. I don’t have to live like this way anymore.

I live a busy life now. Sponsees, service work, family, my relationship with God, work and school take up the bulk of my time and I feel that this is why I haven’t been able to cook and have mostly had to rely on fast food. I need change.

I'm five years clean today and have no one to celebrate with because no one new I was struggling five years ago! But here am I sober healthy happy with an amazing husband and an amazing son who will be one on Thursday! It gets easier and life gets better I promise! Stay strong people

( my husband is away for work or he would of celebrated with me )

I dont understand why. It's like I'm bashing my head against the wall and then getting all mad that I have a headache after. I dont know how I'm going to tell my friends, my family, my sponsor, my support group. I'm so ashamed. They were so proud of me. They could finally sleep at night. They're going to be so hurt. This is my pattern. Im the chronic relapser. I'm the one that will always fuck up. I'm trying to hold on to hope that someday I will be able to stay clean and find a new way to live but right now it is so hard to see beyond the storm. I cant believe I did this again. How am I supposed to face everyone?

Loved the books & so excited about the movie!

Thoughts of an addict 💔 My dealer answers the first ring, "What's up man, I'm on your street how much do you need?" I sit and pause for a moment. My nose running, my stomach is churning, my emotions are completely out of control and my bones are aching for my next fix. The question hits me again? How much do I need? Here's what I need. I need one shot of low-esteem. I need 20 plus years of pain, guilt, shame and misery. I need to be so dishonest that I can no longer decipher the true from the false. I need to hate my life everyday. I need to dread the next day because I know tomorrow I'll be forced to do it all over again. I need to be degraded, and embarrassed. I need to spend everyday worrying about being so sick and forget about what real life is. I need a decade worth of getting my mother's hopes up, along with everyone else who believes in me and has rooted for me over the years, just to tear them down again. I need 3,560 days of being estranged from my family. I need multiple failed treatment attempts. I need homelessness, and dereliction. I need to spend holidays like Thanksgiving, birthdays, and Christmas year after year either locked up or feeling so outta place that I have to run and hide just to shield myself from eyes that I fear won't understand my awkwardness during these times. I need 7 overdoses and 7 emergency rooms to walk right out of. I need the stigma of addiction to make me settle in life. I need to be riddled with fear in every fiber of my being. I NEED TO LOSE EVERYTHING. Over and over and over again. Drug dealer pauses for a second and says, "Yeah homie, I got that for you. I try to tell him I don't want it, but all that comes out of my mouth is, "I'm on my way...😐" You've just visited a mere moment of an addicts thoughts... Do you know how many moments are in a day? I'm not exactly sure but I know it's A LOT...

Hi I am a 30 year old female who is so close to celebrating 3 years with a guy who was her friend since 7 grade.i would have never dreamed to have falling in love with this guy we both have children one each from previous relationships.what I i am about to say in killing me,I had got addicted to pain killers at 18 when I had cancer.i then got clean and was for 4 years and relapsed,since relapsing I stole from my boyfriends father to get high,somehow they both forgave me my boyfriend had 2 surgeries in 2 year I started taking my boyfriends when he gave them to me bc I’ve had horrible dental issues and then he gave them to me every now and again to let lose.i ended up stealing his multiple times I then started spending a bunch of money buying them from ppl I knew bc my boyfriend stopped give me them.ive lied to him about it for almost a year and a half denying it but he knew I knew he knew but lying about it was easier than admitting outloud I had a problem.since then he had me and my kid move out I had made an appointment with a detox program had to cancel bc I found out it was pretty much an inpatient ordeal and that It wasn’t outpatient center like I thought it was being a single mom and a new store manager at my job I can not go inpatient my kids dad would use that just to be able to take him after all the lies I told my boyfriend he knew I made an appointment with the rehab/detox I told him I canceled bc it was all inpatient to have something prescribed that I was on before it was just counseling and he had said to me before I needed someone to talk to but he wanted the shot I had before administrator’ed s if I wasn’t withdrawing and I could use it as a safety net to protect me if I slipped I couldn’t get high well it took 9 days to get to the detox intake which should be today at 9 am they told me if I needed the meds to help the cravings and withdraws I had to be in this program inpatient to get them through them they told me of a place that all they do is outpatient care and that I could get put on the medication through them as soon as I was seen so I canceled that told my boyfriend what they said and now he is saying see you didn’t wanna get clean or you would have went there and not got an excuse to go somewhere else you should t need this shot to save you from getting high the family we had together should be reason enough so I should have went to the 9am appointment. Literally completely lost,I have lied about stupid shit and I’ve lied about the drugs a girl whom I thought was my friend told him I had a “sugar daddy” that lives out of town so now that I canceled this Appointment he’s saying that I’m a lying unfaithful junkie that is cutting me so deep so I called the place back and asked if we could be somehow get my appointment back he’s now telling me it’s to late that I just need to leave him alone and move on but he has continuously said that anytime we have argued.i have told him I’ll go to the detox u have told him we could change my number and that I would download/buy an app that shows him everything I do on my phone til I can regain the trust I destroyed from my addiction please someone tell me what I should do how do I save us how do I regain this trust I need advice

If you want recovery stay away from this narcissistic room it doesnt represent NA best off going to f2f meetings. I have recieved some serious abuse by tge site owners.

I just wanted to post to let all of the people out there know that recovery and sobriety is possible. I did 3 tours in Iraq and came home to be put on a variety of medication which i ultimately stopped taking and started doing drugs. I am currently 4 years sober and have gotten the trust and love back from my family that I had once lost. If you are having struggles with staying sober please remember that there are people out there who love you and that there is a better life for you. I am currently going through a hard time and am kind of homeless and couch surfing. But through it all I remain sober because I know if I pick up even one time it is all over. Please talk to someone if you are going through a tough time.

I’m currently 3 months sober and my gf is in sobriety as well... and we are in a fight and i came hone from a concert and she thinks I’m high.. I’m not. And she asked me and i said a simple no but she still is bothering me about it... what do i do to assure her? Offer to take a drug test? Like idk what to do

So I’ve been on a weird sleep cycle after getting a normal evening bar gig again and I’ve started to see my mind wonder so I set up some personal health appointments but today I woke up ready and roaring at 7am (possible mild manic episode) so I started cleaning, rearranging and organizing.

How do you put a positive twist on your body’s change in rhythm to stay on the right path? (72 days sober)

Today I did the thing. That thing I’ve learned in group, inpatient and outpatient rehab. Something that’s been elusive for the past 5 years I’ve been in and out of use. I had a trigger I couldn’t really avoid since it was part of my body and it set in motion the bodily actions as if I were going to use. That gut wrenching nausea and anxiety kicked in. I reached out to my snap chat friends (so I could verbally say what was going on) then to my Facebook groups and then finally to my two former army buddies. I pushed through. Are some cookies and played a game on my phone and I survived. I did the thing and I wanted to share the story Incase it helps someone!

The shop I work at sells "incense burners" and I can tell the moment they walk in whose going to buy them. The pock marks, the ragged clothes, the overt thinness, the crappy teeth, there are lots of signs.

But did you know you looked that way? Or were you too out of it/didn't care to realize? Did you know and felt shame or embarrassment?

I'm not being mean, I truly just want to know.

My mom is 2 years clean FROM heroine, she had been addicted to drugs since i was like 7 (18) i remember our relationship being lost, but she will always say “Oh Im ok ive been clean for two years” or “im two years clean” when really she technically hasnt.. i hate to break it to her but she has taken a few pills during all this and im more then proud of her just she hasnt truely been clean. She also goes to the clinic and takes methadone, she has never really been fond of the idea of taking it. One of her resolutions for the new year is to get off it, she already splits her doses and saves half of it and she says she has that stuff to use, but that stuff wont be there forever? and she has abused pills a few times when she did take them. She m told me about really wanting to just being done with it and i just told her she shouldn’t and all i could say it just wasn’t the time- she wants to know when the time will be. Theres countless rough chaotic spots in my family and m She has so many triggers to im just worried she dont have a big desire to be clean anymore...... or if she really thinks its the times how do i make it not so oblivious its not the right time...

im not good at talking i am better with expressing and actions but im really trying to work on it

Hey guys I'm Kevin k. From San Antonio with the grace of God and a solution I am sober 60 days today life has been life these past 60 days and a struggle but today I'm greatful to say I am alive and I have a new way of life and a new family that supports my recovery.

The opiate epidemic is a horrible thing because our loved ones lose the battle due to death. Which is paving the way for meth to slowly take over america. What makes meth worse in my eyes is, what it does to the users brain is permanent damage. The lack of sleep warps ones perception of the world around them so badly that even going to sleep wont snap them back. After only 72 hours of being awake that person is technically clinically insane. Then on top of that the malnutrition wreaks havoc on your organs and only further starves the brain of nourishment. We need to educate the public. So people can better understand the risks to their own mental health. People are going to use drugs regardless, so it turns into a harm reduction thing. Over and over again America fails the public by ignoring these social issues. Letting them snow ball outta control, until its to big todo anything but let it run its course... In two years when michigan is taken over by meth and the homeless population sores past anything weve seen and these people start losing their minds. We as a society are left to deal with the permanent wond, that wont heal due to lack of mental health services. And just when we thought the drug crisis that has already taken out a huge chunk of the people of my generation couldnt get any worse. Were going to be left with a mental health care system that is incapable of handling this enormous wave of meth induced psychosis. Leaving the public to deal with the repercussion that this is going to have on our society. When all it might have taken to lighten the blow, was to inform the public of the side effects of long term sleep deprivation and malnutrition caused by meth use. Once again were going to be kicking ourselves in the ass. Wishing we didn't treat addiction as a criminal offense and more of a mental illness. Leaving the only thing left todo is watch as it rips threw the nation destroying communitys in completely new ways than ever before...

Are there any techniques to help with formication (feeling bugs under the skin). I get it really bad at night and need some way to cope.

It's so hard to stay clean. I feel everything. To the point where I feel nothing. Nothing is beautiful. But if I pop a tab I'll get this sense of euphoria...if I drink, I'll be able to sleep. If I take some xans, this crushing anxiety that keeps squeezing my heart will go away. All of this will just fuck me up. But god. I want it.

Fuck it. Not like anyone cares.

We need a change,because just throwing small time drug users in America isn't working.

Hello everyone I’m new to this chat but I’m hoping find some good people here. I’m 37 was addicted to crystal Meth just over one year thanks to my wonderful wife who been my rock I’m now sober detox at home been clean now for a month. My dealer got busted right after I got clean but I still think about often the fun of it mostly the sex was wild and crazy all night long and sober sex been hard to adjust to but I know the risk of going back not worth it but I do think about it often how awesome it was.

Come down was not fun some of the fights my wife and i had where horrible we where loosing each other I didn’t even see it. She decides to get clean which I was decided to follow now I see what I could of lost on the end.