I’ve been revising extensively for months and I’ve just submitted my fourth round of edits to my agent. Honestly, at this point, I am EXTREMELY fatigued from editing.
I genuinely appreciate my agent’s editorial insight but every time I send back a revised manuscript, I feel like she comes back with another round of notes and suggestions. I’m starting to question why she offered to represent me in the first place. 😭

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I hate editing. I understand that it’s a huge part of being an author and I know there’ll be even more rounds of revisions if my book gets picked up by a publisher. I know! But at this point, I just want to go on submission already because I’m honestly getting to the stage where simply looking at my manuscript makes me feel sick.

Has anyone ever reached this point with their agent? Have you ever told your agent that you feel you’ve reached your editing limit and would like to move forward?

I don’t want her to think I’m being difficult or unwilling to put in the work (because that’s absolutely not the case!!!), but I’m also starting to worry that continuing to edit when I’m this mentally exhausted will actually start to affect the quality of my writing.

Longtime lurker using a throwaway to talk about a personal topic. I'm wondering if others can share their experience of having a baby right before or soon after their pub date. My partner and I are starting IVF next month and my debut novel publishes in Nov 2027. I am starting to get pretty anxious about either being extremely pregnant or having a one or two month old when my debut publishes. I am wondering if others have been through this and might share how it ended up. Did you do all the events and things you wanted to do and, if so, how did you manage caring for your baby and recovery from delivery while doing all the promo? Did you end up asking to push back your pub date and was your publisher understanding? (Though I really would rather not push back my pub date even if my publisher was okay with it because my book is thematically much more tied to Nov than spring.) Note, we are not willing to push back IVF until after publication because I am in my 40s. I also recognize that IVF may not work and I may be wishing for this problem in a few months.

Welcome any and all advice, warning and/or reassurance from anyone who has been there!

I have refined the blurb in the query letter a little. Hopefully this is better representative of the story than before. I would really appreciate any feedback <3

Dear [Agency/Agent],

CELESTIAL WAR is an 87,000-word Science-Fiction novel exploring the impact of constant sudden stress and workload on the neurodivergent brain. It features high fantasy elements like the world from Onyx Storm by Rebecca Yarros, combined with sci-fi elements from books like Esperance by Adam Oyebanji and Gifted & Talented by Olivie Blake.

Nyasha Mbangwa has no idea she and four of her friends are glitches, people capable of developing supernatural powers. The four awaken in a strange forest, attacked by creatures they can’t recognise, but somehow know the names of. The four believe they are trapped inside Celestial War, a tabletop roleplaying game. An assumption strengthened when a Nethering, one of the antagonists of Celestial War, Heraldus, attacks the group.

At first, Heraldus offers to send them home, but only if the group kills Nyasha. Refusing to hurt their friend, Nyasha and the others attack Heraldus with their newfound powers. Heraldus overwhelms the group before an unseen force scatters them throughout this unfamiliar world. Nyasha and her friends struggle searching for each other, and more importantly a way home.

The problem is, nothing in the game world makes sense, at least not for any tabletop game Nyasha’s ever played. The group believe their best way home is to complete the game, but as Nyasha travels from a subway system overrun by enormous spiders to a ruined city amid an unending desert, the world around her feels dead.

Yet something is feeding them information on the creatures of this world. Something took six months of memories from them. The longer the spend in this world the more it becomes apparent: this is not a game. Someone put them here, and Nyasha and the others must figure out how they can get them home.

I am an autistic former Software Developer and former writer for Geek Ireland [link]. My short story Greenery featured in Abyss Literary Magazine issue 02 published 10th January 2025 [link]. I published my first e-book, Hive: Third Eye in April this year [link].

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

First attempt

The main criticism of the first version was that it was simply too short and lacked personal stakes.

Dear [AGENT],

Vincent couldn’t have been born a worse race. As a human, he belongs to the lowest-ranking species in galactic society. But he intends to change that. At least, he promised his dying mother he would. He serves in the Space Force and dreams of elevating humanity by earning it a seat on the High Chamber.

Yet none of his fellow humans believe in him. Having long been dismissed by the older, more established races, humanity has become increasingly isolated. The Space Force's refusal to cooperate with aliens only makes Vincent's ambitions all the harder to achieve.

Tensions rise when Vincent's first deployment ends in a massacre at the hands of an unknown alien force. He survives, but the colony is destroyed, and his fellow soldiers are dead. Branded a deserter, he is offered a chance to clear his name in exchange for investigating the mysterious attacks on human colonies. Yet Vincent has other priorities. He wants to find and save the colonists who have disappeared, while those who sent him on the mission see an opportunity to investigate an ancient, advanced race whose technology goes unrivalled in the galaxy. If humanity could acquire it, it might finally gain the strength to stand alongside the galaxy's established powers.

To face the threat, he will have to look beyond humanity for allies. But his willingness to work with aliens and put civilian lives before the mission puts him at odds with his superiors. Defying their orders could not only cost him his career but also destroy his only chance of fulfilling the promise he made to his mother.

[BIO]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

I'm in shock and there's so much to say. PubTips helped me so much in my journey so I wanted to share all the stats, setbacks and wins with you all.

PART 1 - Getting an agent. Stats + Query Letter

Wow, getting an agent was definitely the longest and most difficult part of the process for me. A query tracker subscription should come with a free therapist!

Number of books failed before querying this one: 1

Agents submitted to: 63

Full requests: 6

Offers: 2

Tools used: PubTips for learning about query letters, Manuscript Wish List, Publishers Marketplace, and Query Tracker

Let me tell you, this time was BRUTAL. Every day for months I was absolutely tortured by my email inbox, looking out for rejections and requests. At one point I was starting every morning with 2-3 passes and absolutely dying inside. I got an agent just as I was starting to give up on it entirely.

Ultimately my two offers came from 1: the typical query manager experience of submitting to an agent through there, and 2: sending the query package to an agency that wanted manuscripts sent to the agency as a whole rather than individual agents. I didn't end up doing much of the typical nudging and getting offers post offer of rep, as I only had it out with around 4 agents at the time I got my offer, and the agent who first offered was an absolute dream!

QUERY LETTER

I had two query letters that were largely the same except for some tweaks. Here is one of them I think is slightly better. Honestly though, I don't know if it was even that strong (and my full request rate probably reflects that)! I thought the 'What does it matter if' lines were good at the time, now I can see that they are a bit cliche after reading hundreds of letters in PubTips. I'm realising there's no greater sin than being cliche if you want to stand out (or have high quality prose in general).

Anyway I know you love your query letters so here it is in full:

I am seeking representation for my novel, THE FINAL BOSS, a zany, gamified adventure through the horrors of late-stage capitalism best described as READY PLAYER ONE meets SEVERANCE (tv). THE FINAL BOSS is a standalone novel complete at 91,000 words, sitting across Science Fiction, Fantasy, and GameLit genres.

***

This morning, Sarah was just another depressed millennial trying to survive in corporate for the next 50 years.

Now, she'll be lucky to survive the day.

Sarah's living the dream. Not only is she employed, but she works for the world's biggest gaming company. Literally millions of people would kill to be where she is. What does it matter if she hates the endless meetings, brutal competitiveness, and daily encounters with tech-sector douchebags? All she has to do is keep smiling, claw her way up the performance rankings, and get a promotion. Then she'll be winning at life.

It's all going to plan until Sarah sets off a chain of events that ends in disaster—a bungled tech launch transforms her entire nine-floor office into a nine-level videogame. Between violent office printers, merciless managers, and a sadistic AI hellbent on killing everyone off, Sarah's going to have to try harder than ever to stay alive.

But as Sarah fights increasingly more ridiculous game designs based on her office, the absurdity of it all begins to shatter the illusions she's built her whole life around. To truly have a hope of winning the game, she's going to have to figure out how to survive a far more nightmarish, life-threatening place—the real world she is trying to get back to.

***

THE FINAL BOSS is a wacky yet heartfelt take on modern corporate life. It will suit fans of the quirky, office-based humour of Natalie Sue's I HOPE THIS FINDS YOU WELL, the wild but emotional journey of EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE, and the satirical, game-inspired spectacle of Matt Dinniman's DUNGEON CRAWLER CARL. Packed full of videogame and office culture easter eggs, it will appeal to gamers and corporate employees alike.

With close to a decade of experience working in corporate and a lifetime of playing videogames, THE FINAL BOSS is the inevitable lovechild of two of the most significant influences in my life. When I'm not working, gaming, or writing, I am enjoying the beautiful city of Melbourne, Australia. THE FINAL BOSS would be my debut novel.

Thank you so much for your consideration.

Emma Holden

PART 2 - The Book Deals

After I got my agent in Australia, we worked on an edit while my agent recruited help from all around the world to be partner agents in their home territories. Once my US agent came on board, they had ideas for edits too so I think in the end it was three rounds of edits before we were comfortable submitting. The word count blew up to 99k over this time!

Going on submission initially felt even worse than looking for an agent. With agents, you feel like there's still always something in your power to keep trying, more agents to send to, more query letters to experiment with, or more edits to make to the manuscript for as long as you're willing to do it. But on submission, it felt like my dreams could actually just die. I was terrified!

In the end, it has been amazing. Once the first offers came in for Australia (my home territory), that got the ball rolling in all of the other countries. We sold in Australia, the US, and the UK at three different auctions, all to Big 5 imprints. The Publishers Marketplace announcement went up just a couple of days ago! There's also more movement happening in the translations rights space but I can't announce those just yet.

I couldn't believe how different submission was to querying. There was SO MUCH EDITOR INTEREST and it was totally unbelievable considering how hard querying had been. Definitely this is all because of how amazing my agent is, and also the snowball effect of when one editor is interested, they all speed up their reading times to meet deadlines set for offers. It was all quite quick (it's a blur but I believe it was only a couple of months or less from submission to first offer).

OTHER TIDBITS

Social media - I just wanted to reassure everyone that I do not have ANY social media following nor was it considered at all necessary to have one. I have some author pages set up now (please follow me on Instagram, ya girl is struggling, look for emma holden author) but I had nothing at all to show when publishers were asking about my social media presence and this was never an issue.

Timing - They say publishing takes a long time and they are not joking. It took me five years to work on my first novel that failed, another year to write this one, a year to get an agent, months editing, months on submission and now 1.5 years until publication day. And that's considered super fast.

Surviving the process - Gosh I don't have as many tips here because I just limped my way through everything, but I'd say a relentless passion for your own story is essential. You really have to keep believing in it to what feels like a delusional level just to survive the feelings of rejection and get through the waiting time.

That's all I can think of for now, but please ask anything you like in the comments or send me a DM, I'm so happy to help, and I'm desperate to make writer friends!

This project nabbed me an agent a few years ago, and was substantially rewritten into a new genre prior to me parting with my agent. It's going back into the trenches. So if this title/plot sounds familiar, you're not crazy.

Query:

I am thrilled to present THE TRUTH THE DEAD KNOW, a speculative horror novel, complete at 86,000 words. It combines the character driven horror from Leigh Radford’s One Yellow Eye with the personal cat-and-mouse killer game of 2025’s Longlegs. It will appeal to readers who like voicey, sassy protagonists like Rachel Harrison’s Black Sheep and complex bad-for-her “fall as you transform” arcs like Jade Song’s Chlorine.

It's been fifteen years since Gentle Jack, a serial killer who carves out his victims’ eyes, killed last. Most believed he died in the flash of light that killed 99.5% of the planet. But now, he's just claimed another victim in Chicago, and he's left a message for Zan Anderson.

A damaged private investigator with few resources and even fewer options, Susanna "Zan" Anderson has an unlikely advantage: “Green,” a drug made from the dust remains of those who disappeared in the flash. Green contains the fifteen year old memories of the dead, and now it's showing her new memories—visions of the recent murders of Gentle Jack. But, Green comes at a price. Every user eventually falls apart, their bodies deteriorating until they're little more than lumbering, brain-dead zombies.

As Zan follows the visions and searches for the truth behind Jack's return, she also begins uncovering the secrets of the catastrophe that destroyed the world fifteen years ago. With no internet, no labs, and no police to turn to, she must rely on the very drug that's destroying her. And when Jack begins targeting the few people she has left to lose, Zan's investigation becomes a race against her own deteriorating body and a killer who seems to know exactly where to find her.

And the end of the world is not the best place to hit rock bottom.

[Bio]

First 300:

You know, I’m actually glad I missed it. Everyone says the end of the world was, overall, kind of a shit show.

I don't remember that first day, when everyone disappeared. I was kind of busy being dead.

I'm an expert at being brought back from the dead. When I was 23, I overdosed during a Madonna concert and they had to bring me back with Narcan, prayers, and paddles that go zap. Man, I felt like such a rockstar when Dad wheeled me out of that hospital—until that orderly told me the police were there with possession charges.

People say dying is like walking through a tunnel. Or like floating in space. You see your whole life flash before you in the planets and stars.

Death isn't like that. At least, not for me.

It's like going for a long run. Specifically, that moment right before the runner’s high. I’d inject a runner's high if it were possible, if I knew the exact chemical components. The excitement. The pride. The contentment. It's a specific drug, and it's shot straight to your heart when you die. And then—

Well, in my two experiences, someone shocks you back to life.

Smoke from the Indiana kudzu wildfire splits the dark summer sunrise into fragments, warring their way over an empty Chicago. Every morning, when I go for a run, it’s like the sky is full of broken glass. The buildings are greasy, muted versions of what I remember when I was a kid here. Vines and kudzu are everywhere, the hot July sun sucking them dry. A coyote sniffles by one of the cars, packed up in a line stuffed on the unmoving rush hour down St. Delaplaine’s road.

We're all frozen at 9am the day the Flare happened.

"You got Green?" a voice slurs to my left. Something moves out of the darkness by St. Patrick’s church. A Zombie.

Dear ____,

What if Galileo, Newton, and Einstein had all spent their teenage years at the same academy in outer space? In 2026, that academy is still very real, and when 15-year-old foster kid Silas Quinn uncovers a wormhole at his NASA internship, he steps through and finds himself enrolled there: a rigorous, centuries-old boarding school traversing the stars.

At the Eddington Institute, Silas and his peers learn to modulate, or “mod,” the universe’s fundamental forces: Time, Force, and Space. It's a scientific craft so powerful it feels like magic, and for Silas, a dream come true. He's spent his whole life geeking out over science, astronomy, and the forces that govern our universe, but at Eddington, he's learning how to bend them.

In class, his new friends are thriving: slowing time, manipulating forces, and tearing open wormholes. But Silas is struggling. His own abilities defy the norm, drawing him toward something none of his teachers are covering. He's beginning to cross boundaries that aren't meant to be crossed, and the more he experiments, the more dangerous things become.

These unusual abilities soon become a fixation for Eddington's new headmaster, and for Silas, being taken under his wing is as thrilling as it is unnerving, especially since the headmaster's controversial overhaul of Eddington's curriculum has the whole school whispering. Stranger still, gravitational rifts begin appearing around campus: eerie fissures that seem hungry for the school and its students. And as Silas searches for answers, he fears that he may be both the magnet drawing the rifts closer and the only one capable of stopping them.

THE EDDINGTON INSTITUTE FOR SPACETIME MODULATION is a 95,000-word YA science fantasy novel that combines the wonder and coming-of-age friendships of classic boarding-school fiction with the cosmic scope of Brandon Sanderson’s Skyward. Like Andy Weir’s work, it’s grounded in real-world science equations and theories, but told through a YA lens.

I’m an award-winning writer/director, and my debut feature Always, Lola (Good Deed Entertainment) premiered to a 100% Rotten Tomatoes score and is now available on Apple and Amazon. This is my first novel.

Hello all! This one is still a wip but I've been really enjoying working on it. Thanks so much in advance! cw for depression.

SLEEP PARALYSIS HUMAN is a dark fantasy/horror standalone complete at 90,000 words, where the monster POV and fleeting coziness of Someone You Can Build a Nest In by John Wiswell meets the grimdark atmosphere of Joe Abercrombie’s The Devils.

Ram, a genderless sleep paralysis demon, suddenly gains a human conscience. The only one who can help them find out why is Mara, an emotionally-constipated, suicidal demon slayer, in a world where the only way to die is by demons. Unfortunately, Ram only turns lucid after slaughtering the rest of Mara’s expedition.

After the sun exploded, demons appeared, and humans stopped being able to age, sleep, or eat. Expeditions from remaining enclaves hope to both reconquer lost territory and cure humanity’s affliction. Mara no longer feels human, but she still wanted these more than anything—until she loses her expedition. She begs Ram to kill her too, but Ram, horrified by their actions and confused by their flipped mentality, refuses. Adopting the naive optimist’s personality, they dream of discovering how to pacify other demons. So the two agree to reluctant terms: Ram will join Mara on human expeditions, not just to uncover the truth behind Ram’s new consciousness, but also find a cure for the stasis within which all humans are trapped. And then Ram will eat Mara.

But Ram cannot imagine following through. Now susceptible to hunger and fatigue, Ram appreciates Mara’s efforts to prepare home-cooked meals, warm campfires, and downy beds, even though Mara herself can experience none of it. She slowly remembers what about these small joys, and being human, she missed so much. But as Ram’s physical appearance morphs into something distinctly human, the dead expeditioners’ families' thirst for vengeance grows, and the apathetic demons among which Ram lived smell a meal. If they do not live long enough to uncover the broken world’s secrets, then the very definition of humanity will drift from memory.

I work as a software engineer and I like cats. Thank you for considering me!

Hi! I appreciate everyone's constructive comments as I start down this journey to share my work.

Dear <Agent>

I am looking for representation for my debut novel, a 72,000-word Erotic Romance titled The Ropes that will be enjoyed by fans of the BDSM journey in 50 Shades of Grey (E.L. James) who want the mature woman’s POV and relationship realism of All Fours (Miranda July) and the ‘Five Peppers’ sexuality of the Comfort series (Annabeth Joseph). In The Ropes, married mother Jennifer rises from midlife doldrums with the assistance of her new kinky lifestyle and creative lover, but when her husband uses the safeword, she struggles to keep hold of all the new wonderful in her life without losing what love built.

For almost twenty years, Jennifer existed in an affectionate, if tired, marriage to Will, managing through the responsibilities of family and work while disappointed in her depleted energy and mom-bod. When her husband encourages her to explore the kink scene with him, she is surprised by how she feels when wrapped in ropes. Jennifer and Will journey further into kink, opening up to a new world with surprising erotic opportunities.

Jennifer mentally juggles the realities and costs of this lifestyle against the nights full of exciting sex and kink play. Each event they walk into presents them with new kinks to explore and new people to meet. Jennifer is often shocked by what happens behind these closed doors and is thrilled as she becomes a regular in the scene. From intimate house parties to dark, sketchy warehouses filled with hundreds of people showing off their skills, Jennifer is an eager player dressed in new lingerie and fueled by endorphins. Her marriage is revitalized as the frequency and eroticism of play increases.

When Jennifer’s and Will’s play interests diverge, they start to explore separately. Hal introduces Jennifer to the possibilities of polyamory and life choices she has never considered while creating a heat in her that she hasn’t felt in many years. Jennifer starts creating habits and rituals to bring her closer to Hal, desperate to feel more of his attention. The connection between Jennifer and Hal brings up a new possessiveness in Will, surprising and scaring Jennifer. She needs Will to understand how each sexy evening with Hal changes her for the better and how much she fears going back to her old self.

I am an active Kinkster with more than a decade of experience in the types of kink play described in The Ropes as well as ethical non-monogamy. I began writing erotica as a creative challenge, eventually hosting popular erotica reading salons in <city> where I share my work and encourage others to share theirs. I am a fan of Ann Rice’s work as A.N. Roquelaure as well as Anaïs Nin.

Been a few months, but I'm back with another draft of my query. Feedback highly appreciated, thanks in advance <3

A monster only she can see. A mission only she can accomplish. That is, if it’s really happening at all…

The schizophrenic bastard child of North Fork royalty Alexandra Frost parties her birthday away on a dance floor in Manhattan, oblivious to the thin veil separating supernatural creatures from reality. One month later, she wakes up locked in solitary confinement with a foggy memory and her oldest hallucination trying to ‘kill her.’ Alex may be crazy, but when another patient bears witness to one of her delusions, everything she’s ever known about reality is put into question.

Agent Finn Baxter of the Department of Cryptid Capture (DCC) was at that same club that night in early April, except he was there on a mission: to hunt down the creatures slipping through the veil. Two months later, when he finds a file box containing incident reports, VHS’s and journal entries all centered around one patient from some psych ward named Alex Frost, Finn writes her off as crazy. That is, until he sees one of her supposed hallucinations on the security footage himself.

Now, one of the portals has started to rip open, making the number of creatures coming into our reality multiply, more than the DCC can handle. As Agent Baxter chronicles Alex’s journey, he discovers the real reason he found this information: he knew Alex previously and was in the ward himself, but while he escaped, Alex never did. Now he has to remember what happened and go back and break her out, because the fate of the balanced world might rest on Alex Frost’s very unstable shoulders.

A BOOK ABOUT A DEAD GIRL is an Adult Horror Fantasy Novel complete at ~75k words. This #OwnVoices story is in part inspired by my own journey with Schizoaffective Disorder. Per your instructions, the first few pages are pasted below. Please let me know if I can provide you with any other material and thank you for your consideration.

Here is my updated query letter. I really appreciate the last round of feedback, as I think this is much much cleaner than my previous attempt.

I also messed up on the title for this post. It should read as Fantasy, not sci-fi.

Hello,

I am seeking representation for BEHEMOTH OF THE INVERTED SUN, an 86,000-word crossover fantasy with elements of a slow-burn M/M romance.

In 11 days, Eastisle is going to become a pale, shapeless mass, and 19-year-old Oliver Greensmith will be blamed. His troubles begin after saving a stranger named Raine who falls out of the sky. Raine is shocked when the titan egg he just stole psychically bonds with Oliver.

Too wounded to protect the stolen egg from titan hunters in pursuit of a big payday, Raine makes a bargain: if Oliver helps the unhatched titan grow into a powerful behemoth, Raine will give him a new life far away from Eastisle.

Drawn to Raine and desperate for more than his dead-end grocery job, Oliver accepts. But raising a titan isn’t just difficult; it’s deadly. The titan’s appetite for draining color threatens to reduce Eastisle to a colorless blob. Worse, titans are property of the military. If Oliver’s titan is ever discovered, he and his titan will be killed or conscripted.

Just as Oliver is ready to accept his feelings, Raine’s past as a former cult member forces Oliver to question how much he can trust his new friend.

When a titan hunter threatens to drag Raine back into his former life, Oliver is given one final choice: either risk his life fighting the most dangerous bonder Eastisle has ever known, or reject it all and forge a new path for himself without Raine or his titan.

Combining the large-scale fights and queer themes of Zoe Hana Mikuta’s Gearbreakers with the world-building and creature-bonding fantasy of Moniquill Blackgoose's To Shape a Dragon's Breath, BEHEMOTH OF THE INVERTED SUN is a crossover fantasy about identity, sexuality, and how people rebuild in the wake of losing everything.

Best wishes,

Evan

In the midst of some significant rewrites, and checking in to see if the changes seem like they're on the right track or not.

Query:

After a mishap with black magic killed her dog three years ago, Judith had no choice but to learn illegal necromancy to “fix” him, despite her anxiety for the dark arts. Now that she’s almost graduated high school, she can’t wait to escape her uptight NY hometown so she won’t have to hide him anymore. But when her classmate Ethan barges in with a prom-posal while she’s performing necromancy, she can’t afford to let him escape with her secret. Unfortunately, her attempt to stop him…kinda-sorta breaks his neck. Fortunately, she can raise him as a zombie. Good as new!

Ethan had felt like his life would be over after high school, with his friends leaving him behind for college, but dying puts things into perspective. Despite best efforts with makeup and breath mints to disguise his rotting body, suspicions are rising at Plainview High—particularly from Judith’s spurned ex-best-friend, Victoria, who schemes to use Ethan as a pawn in their rivalry. In desperation, he uses his penchant for history to look for a solution, and discovers ancient magic that could return him to true life.

At first Judith is anxious to explore advanced necromancy when she’s seen the damage black magic can do, and Ethan’s insistent whining makes her want to bury him after all. But when his theory unlocks forgotten secrets, she can’t walk away from the possibility of restoring both him and Wolf. As determination turns to obsession, though, the further she goes, the more the dark power feels like a suppressed part of her identity—even as it threatens to destroy her.

JUDITH BLANCHE, HIGH SCHOOL NECROMANCER is a YA paranormal novel for fans of Kayla Cottingham's This Delicious Death, Codie Crowley's Here Lies a Vengeful Bitch, and Netflix's Wednesday.

First 300:

On the day Ethan died for the first time, his greatest worry was that Judith might reject his prom invitation. There were rumors she was a vampire, but Ethan didn’t give them much credence. Vampires lived in exotic places (somewhere in Europe, he guessed), just as merfolk supposedly swam off the coast of Miami and centaurs could be seen in certain neighborhoods of Los Angeles. Nothing that interesting happened here, in Plainview, New York. The most exciting magic he’d seen was his mother pyrokinetically defrosting a turkey.

As he pulled his parents’ rusted station wagon around the corner into Judith’s neighborhood, he felt like he was at the top of a roller coaster, caught between anticipation and terror. He’d wanted to ask her out ever since she strode into his biology class, head half-shaved, face white as death, crow skull hanging from her neck.

But while his nerves had failed him before, now he was determined to see it through. Mostly because prom was the last dance before they graduated and he probably never saw her again. But also because his two best friends, Travis and Marcus, were leaving him behind to go to university together, and they both already had dates. Most of the time when they went to dances as a group, he was the only one going stag.

Not this time. This time he was going to be the guy who took Judith Blanche, the scariest girl in school. That’s how they were going to remember him, when they were staying up late in their dorm room. Not some loser that couldn’t get a date.

He pulled the car to a stop across from her house, checking the number on the mailbox against the address on his phone. This was the place. As his gaze traveled across the yard to the house, his stomach sank slightly. Despite the two story grey-blue house following the same template as every other house in the neighborhood, it seemed to loom over him like a haunted Victorian mansion.

I’ve been getting a lot of interest from literary agents during pitch events, but the querying has been a different story. I’ve since made some major revisions to my manuscript, particularly the opening chapters, and would love some fresh eyes on the first few pages!

I’d especially appreciate honest feedback on whether the opening hooks you, how the narrative voice comes across, and, most importantly, whether you’d want to keep reading. Don’t hold back! 😊

Query letter:

NOÉA TENEBRIS is many things. A researcher, a sister and a liar. But what she is most known for is being the daughter of a rebel, the only man brave enough to stand against the tyrannical province of One.

In a world where seven Provinces age at different speeds, Noéa’s home in Five is decaying fast, while the elite of Province One live untouched by time.

Determined to change her Province’s fate—and armed with an illegal device that could alter the balance of power—Noéa enters the Time Harvest, a deadly expedition where soldiers from all seven Provinces compete to harvest the only mineral capable of slowing both aging and decay.

Her real mission, however, is to find the brother who vanished during the last Harvest. A motive far more manageable than saving an entire population.

When the final mineral is torn from its core, the realm will collapse, trapping anyone left behind. And when Noéa is captured by Supreme Commander KYLIAN VALTOR, a man who has spent his life preparing to make the rebellion’s daughter pay for the family it cost him, survival grows even more dangerous.

Killing each other would be simple. Wanting to trust one another is not. Forced into a reluctant alliance, Noéa and Kylian uncover a secret buried deep within the Harvest—one far deadlier than the realm itself.

THE TIME HARVEST is a 99K-word adult speculative dystopian romance, told in dual POV. It combines the time-bending moral unease of THE OTHER VALLEY by Scott Alexander Howard with the sister-driven stakes of THE ONES WE’RE MEANT TO FIND by Joan He and the brutal political spectacle of SUNRISE ON THE REAPING by Suzanne Collins. 

I am a Swedish physician, mother of two, and lifelong storyteller. In 2019, I wrote my first screenplay, before turning my focus to fiction. Since then, I have spent years developing THE TIME HARVEST and its world.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

****************************
First 300 words:

Prologue

Li Tenebris has known since he woke up this morning that the world will end today. The best news he’s had in weeks. Because, as morbid as that may sound, it also meant that he was going home. That he was going to keep the promise he had made. The one sealed when his little sister pressed the matching teardrop pendant into his palm and made him swear he’d come back.

His breath is still catching from the run, heart hammering against his ribs as beads of sweat sting the corners of his eyes. The field level had dropped drastically in just a few minutes, almost costing him a leg on his way over while trying to save a man from a gaping crack—and failing miserably.   

Inside the base, he is met with an eerie calm. A sharp contrast to the searing devastation he just witnessed outside. 

Two lines that lead up to the Crossing Gate have already formed, guarded by three armed sentries. 

“Even numbers to the right, odd to the left!” one of the sentries barks.

Confused, he glances around and taps one of the Tempares ahead on the shoulder. “Numbers? What numbers?”

“The ones we were assigned upon arrival.” 

Number 17. Easy enough to remember since that’s how old he was, and his father before him when he first entered the Harvest. 

“I said, even numbers to the right, odd to the left!” the sentry repeats, so he shifts to the left line, unease tightening in his chest as he realizes it’s not only longer, but also has not moved since he arrived. 

The base keeps filling with returning Tempares, the air growing thick and stifling with every added breath. He glances down at the meter on his wrist, flashing red at 6.5%. Fuck.

Hi everyone, I’d love feedback on my query letter. Thanks so much!

Dear [Agent], 

Elinor Braithwaite wants nothing more than for the Society for the Preservation of English Magic to approve her graduation spell so that she can begin her life as a practising magician. The Society maintains strict control of all spellwork, including of its carded clocks, the precisely calibrated instruments that enable superior ship navigation and which ultimately helped defeat Napoleon and establish England as a superior naval power.

But carded clocks are now ubiquitous and wars abroad are far from the minds of Elinor and her friend Sita, the sole female pupils set to graduate this year. So when the Society rejects her graduation spell, a devastated Elinor, numb from despair at her failure, accompanies Sita on a routine research trip to Avebury. The trip, however, turns out to be anything but routine. 

In Avebury, Elinor learns that an entire part of English magic has been hidden from her and Sita: fairies are real—which she discovers when they capture and imprison her within Silbury Hill. There, the fairies inform her that her rejected spellwork has been unintentionally tapping into the power of Silbury Hill, causing unmitigated anguish, torment, and even death to the fairies of Silbury Hill. Elinor renounces her destructive magic forever and is determined to repair the harm she has done. But as she becomes more and more entangled with the ancient rituals of the Hill, she realizes that her own graduation spell may be the very thing that will stop Silbury Hill, and, indeed, the entire interconnected magic system of Silbury Hill and England, from crumbling. 

Readers of Sophie Keetch’s Morgan Is My Name will enjoy Silbury Hill for the rush of euphoria that can only be delivered when your main girl learns to harness her magical powers for the first time. Those who delight in the ancient Celtic folklore of Heather Fawcett’s Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Faeries will find a home here. 

[bio stuff]

Almost done with my third revision. Plan on taking a break/try to find beta readers before my last round then entering in the query trenches, so I thought I'd finally post the query here! Open to any and all feedback! Thank you!

Dear [Agent],

Brontë goes bronze in How to Fix a Fallen Girl, a YA dual-POV steampunk novel complete at 87,000 words. The novel throws the twisted lessons of Sasha Peyton Smith’s The Rose Bargain and the exiled home of Jessica Spotswood’s The Harrow Home for Wayward Girls into a 19th Century steampunk America. 

Seventeen-year-old Effie Hearst thinks she’s ruined her future forever when she’s caught–very publicly–sleeping with her crush. Then Sebastian Smartson chooses her for his next project. Known for inventing the airship, Mr. Smartson privately “fixes” daughters who have fallen from society’s favor. Effie arrives at his house fully committed to restoring her reputation, until she discovers something far more interesting than etiquette lessons: Mr. Smartson’s work creating the automaton, work that a proper lady should have no interest in.

Sixteen-year-old Bernard Hearst volunteers to act as Mr. Smartson’s apprentice so his parents have a coverup story for the neighbors. To stay with his sister and escape boarding school, Bernard must prove his worth to Mr. Smartson, who is looking for any excuse to send Bernard home. Trouble is, Bernard can’t fake interest in steam technology long enough to answer Effie’s questions, let alone fool the greatest engineer in the world. He attributes his disinterest to a father who will never be proud of him. Better that than admit Mr. Smartson’s assistant makes Bernard feel things he shouldn’t about another boy.  

Neither sibling finds success under Mr. Smartson’s roof. Bernard’s avoidance creates plenty of reasons for dismissal while doing nothing to diminish his attraction, whereas Effie’s interest becomes an obsession. Between lessons that are increasingly personal, Effie develops a theory for making a steam engine small enough for an automaton, a problem that’s been plaguing Mr. Smartson for months. But Mr. Smartson already chastised Effie for her unladylike interest. One more issue will necessitate more drastic means for rehabilitation. 

Then Bernard gets kissed, and Effie finds out she’s pregnant. Those are, well, issues*.* Steam technology changes from idle fascination, to the siblings’ only hope for escaping the house of a sociopath.

[Bio]

Here is the newly updated Query I have been working on.

Dear [Agent Name], 
I am seeking representation for my contemporary young adult novel, Breaking Chains, completed at 73,000 words. 

17-year-old closeted teenager Landon James wants to go to art school and be free to love who he wants, but his father, Mayor Daniel James, wants him to go into politics. Mr. James made sure his family knew what was expected: perfection, happiness, and politics, through fear and control. That, in turn, means that Landon has to put down the paintbrush and his own sexuality. While Daniel exerts his power over his family through cruel words and physical acts, and Mrs. James stands by, Landon has been trained to take every word, every hit, every punishment as law.  

So when Landon gets called useless and physically attacked by his father, he rehashes the physical and emotional abuse; he decides to run away from Winston to a small town called Oak Ridge. As Landon enters Oak Ridge, he meets the residents and discovers their distaste for Mayor James; Landon conceals that he is Daniel’s son. An Oak Ridge resident, Cole, finds out Landon is related to Daniel James and blackmails him. He could lose his friendships, his newfound family, and even the budding romance if this concealment of his identity is revealed. 

Breaking Chains is a 73,000-word young adult contemporary novel that will appeal to readers of The Rebel’s Guide to Pride by Matthew Hubbard and The (Un)Popular Vote by Jasper Sanchez. 

[BIO Paragraph]

Thank you for your time and consideration! 

Sincerely, 
[MY NAME]

Here is a revised version. Let me know if I'm coming nearer the mark.

Dear Agent,

As a child, doctors diagnosed me with my own alphabet soup of neurodivergence which should have meant I’d never read or write. I’ve never stopped proving them wrong, reading voraciously and beginning to craft my own stories starting in first grade. I majored in creative writing at Seattle University and have since written a blog about suicide loss, LetsTalkAboutSuicide.com. Disillusioned is my debut novel.

Eighteen-Year-Old Maxx lives with his older brother, Alec, content to follow his increasingly complex rules. Locking all three locks on the door and never having friends over is one thing, but the rules keep coming, until Maxx can’t even leave the apartment on his own.

Then Alec arrives home late one night and tells Maxx he’s leaving and may not come back. He shows Maxx the environmentally ravaged world, hidden beneath the illusion of a whole one, before jumping from the fourth-floor window and vanishing into the night. Haunted by his traumatic past and his brother’s newest rule, “trust no one,” Maxx must learn to survive on his own in a world filled with destruction.

With Alec on the run, Maxx faces off with those committed to the concealment of the damaged world. He must ignore his brother’s rules and learn to use a newfound talent to rescue his brother and break the illusion. But as he works alongside the secret society Alec belongs to and uncovers more of his brother’s lies, Maxx realizes Alec’s rules have held him back from much more than the truth.

Disillusioned is a post-apocalyptic adult fiction complete at 118,000 words. It appeals to those who love character-driven novels in this genre like The Book of M by Peng Shepherd but with strong found family dynamics like those in We Are Not Blood by Nicole Scarano.

Thank you!

Hello all,

First time posting and would love as much feedback as possible on my query letter. I feel as though it's missing something but I can't place what that something is. I have also included the first 300 words of my manuscript. Thank you in advance! (Also, I read it was best to not include any comp titles if they were not a genuinely close match. Does this still hold true?)

Query
Dear [Agent],

Sylvie knows exactly how she wants her life to end. Held in the arms of the werewolf she’s loved since she was twenty summers old, blissfully ignoring the responsibility that comes with her mother’s legacy as shaman, and never experiencing an untrustworthy shaman vision for herself.

But The Moon Goddess has other plans.

Sylvie agrees to be The High Shaman’s apprentice to appease her mother and distract herself from the guilt of secretly dating her best friend’s brother, yet when she starts having visions of a were-man shrouded in darkness and reeking of death, Sylvie realizes there may be more to a werewolf’s connection to The Goddess than hopeless prayers.

With a darkness growing outside of Draminal’s borders, a mother telling her she was destined for more, and a Were-man who makes her feel things her first love never has, Sylvie reconsiders everything she had planned to live–and die–for.

BLESSED SEASON is complete at 82,000 words and can stand alone or become a series. This is my first completed novel after graduating with a Creative Writing degree. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
[Me]

First 300 Words

Sylvie rolls onto her side, pressing in tight to Ezra’s embrace. His muscular arm holds her close against him, trapping fleeting warmth between their touching sides.
“I’m going to do it,” Ezra says, watching the sky.
“Do what?” Sylvie asks, tilting her head up from his shoulder.
“Claim you.”
Sylvie's heart stops before pounding. “What?” she asks quietly, sure she heard him wrong.
“I’m going to claim you,” Ezra repeats, “this Fall Equinox, in front of our families, the Alphas and Shamans, The Goddess.” Ezra’s smile glints white in the fading moonlight. His eyes search Sylvie’s, looking for something, and she tries to give him whatever it is he wants.
“Okay,” Sylvie says, head swimming with the possibilities that would come with finally, officially, being his. Even if the Fall Equinox is moons away. “Okay,” she says again, trying to match the strong confidence that seems to come so easily to her- betrothed? Is that what she calls him now? ‘Boyfriend’ feels too juvenile, too human. This, his promise, is so much more than that. 
It means going against her mother’s wishes, against the rules set before them by their ancestors. It means ripping away everything she grew up being taught, and trading it for something entirely new. 
It was scary. This thought. This feeling. But it was also exhilarating. Sneaking away when The Moon Goddess reached Her peak in the sky, and fumbling like heat-starved beasts until The Sun God shed His first rays between the clouds, but there was never any risk involved. Their mothers were asleep, Ezra’s father gone on patrol, and his sister was either asleep like their mother or off on her own escapades. Sylvie preferred it that way, no real chance of their families discovering them together. 
But not anymore. 
Come this Fall, every Werewolf in Draminal would know about them.

Hey everyone! I’m currently working on drafting this novel while I’m querying something else, but I wanted to go ahead and get to work on my package so I could have it ready ahead of time and adjust and tweak it as I make my way through writing, revising, and editing!

Dear agent,

Arabella has only caught exactly one house on fire. 

So when she takes the fall for a recent suspected arson for her now ex boyfriend and is sent away to work on her grandparents citrus farm for the summer as punishment, she is less than happy.

Especially since this is the farm where she actually caused a fire, severing her connection to a sentient orange grove only herself and her first love, Archer, can feel. Wanting to keep her head down and coast for the summer after not returning to the farm since the incident, Arabella is shocked to find Archer is still there working on the orange groves, and that her feelings for him still burn bright within her.

Archer believes Arabella abandoned him and the grove. Determined to keep an emotional distance from her the entire summer as her trainer and coworker does not bode for an easy summer for Arabella.

As tensions rise and old memories surface, the flames of Arabella and Archer’s passion are hard to tame, and Arabella’s connection to her family’s orange grove becomes harder to ignore. When the ex boyfriend Arabella took the fall for shows up on the farm to ensure she keeps their secret, Arabella will have to decide if she will be chained to the sparks of her past, or if she will let her romance with Archer and her connection to the grove take precedent in the life she’s starting to realize she would rather have.

YOU SMELL LIKE ORANGES is a speculative coming of age romance completed at ~75k words featuring anxiety and OCD representation. It is perfect for fans of the botanical magic in Ashley Poston’s The Someday Garden and the childhood friends to lovers and forced proximity romance in Our Perfect Storm by Carley Fortune. 

Thank you for your consideration.

Thank you anyone for reading and providing feedback! As always it’s much appreciated!!!

Dear [Agent]

ROAD TO RUDIA, an 94,000-word timely upmarket novel pitched as  Yesteryear meets The Housemaid, follows a traditional Kenyan wife who’s life as the Reverend’s wife revolves around preparing for motherhood, caring for her sick Grandmother and unemployed sister, and enduring abuse from her husband but suddenly finds herself going viral on TikTok and having an affair with an American popstar.

Rudia’s only purpose is to become a mother which according to her husband, will only happen if she follows his three rules: be free from all sexual immorality, demonstrate  she can care for a child by babysitting for free and teach the children’s choir at his church without any pay.

As a good Christian wife, she obediently abides by these rules until she meets American popstar and self-proclaimed feminist,  Logan “L.C.” Chase, who’s in her country to record with a local artist. Logan accidentally hears her sing and is blown away by her soulful voice and quiet beauty. He persuades her to record her own song, leading them to spend more time together and eventually have an affair. 

When her song goes viral and opens up a once in lifetime opportunity for her to go to America with Logan in pursuit of music career, Rudia is forced to choose—take the chance and risk her husband retaliating by harming her Grandmother and younger sister or continue with her marriage, despite now knowing that her perfect Christian wife image is a farce, but guarantees the safety of her family members.

Road To Rudia was awarded semi-finalist in the Simon & Schuster/Gallery Books Like Us First Novel Contest.

-Thank you so much for your feed back. I really appreciate it.

Getting closer now. The main feedback from version 3 was:

1. Rephrase comps section and bio to make it clearer where I'm positioning my book/how it's relevant.

2. Improve continuity between 'publish or perish' word play.

3. Hint at the ending so we know why we want to read about this unpleasant character.

Thanks for the helpful comments so far.

Dear agent,

THE OCULIST: TALE OF AN UNFREE KILLER (75,000 words) is a dark academia standalone that smudges the borderline dividing literary fiction from horror and crime. Imagine a blend of Danya Kukafka’s Notes on an Execution and Eliza Clark’s Boy Parts, rippling with the mordant undertone of Josh Silver’s Fruit Fly.

John is a proud vegan anti-Zionist. He’s also a psychopath. Studying ethics has curbed his murderous desires, though recently he’s become a free will sceptic. As a polyglot, he deems himself far smarter than most ‘vulgs,’ so he’s perplexed when his PhD proposals on the philosophy of ‘unfree will’ get rejected. They say, ‘Publish or perish,’ but it seems he’s not fated to publish. Perhaps others are destined to perish – at his hand?

That must be it, John reasons. And if the sexualisierte portrayal of serial killers on Netflix has taught him anything, it’s that emulating them will make him a glamorous legend.

John’s subsequent killing spree causes immeasurable suffering. Not that he cares, and he claims he has no choice. But he’s bitter that Netflix lied to him: apparently real-life serial murder turns you into a suicidal insomniac hooked on sabach.

Devastated that fate drove him to this depressing life of crime, John deliberates how he can at least escapar with that strangely polished veneer which serial killers enjoy on TV. But he’ll need to kill more people to make the screen – risky with a detective on your trail and the victims’ families bent on revenge. Who knows? They might even catch John first.

I’m an academic editor with stories published in horror and satire magazines. With the likes of Yuval Noah Harari and Robert Sapolsky saying free will is an illusion, I’ve fused my knowledge and interests into a debut novel that lampoons ‘unfree’ society.

Hi everyone

I've made some changes and hope this second version might be closer to what it needs to be. I've also added my first 300 words. Thank you for your help!

QUERY LETTER:

Dear Agent,

I'm excited to share TO FORGE A BOND with you as your interest in [personalization] makes me think it could be an excellent fit for your list. Complete at 98,000 words, this standalone adult dark epic fantasy with a tragic love story features a neurodivergent protagonist who learns our bonds make us stronger, not weaker. It combines the morally complex magic and devastating sacrifices of Blood Over Bright Haven by M. L. Wang with the dangerous magical bonds and reluctant alliances of Asunder by Kerstin Hall.

Bloodweaver Relario prefers controlling other people's red strings of fate over forging unnecessary bonds. After all, sacrificing his friends to assassinate Rutenia's king only got him banished—and failed to stop the dragon ravaging his homeland, Zuranji. So when he finds a secret Rutenian heir, he's ready to sacrifice one more life to save his people and earn his way back home. Problem is, Princess Laurelle insists killing her won't break Rutenia's bond with the dragon—but she's willing to help by controlling it for him.

Relario isn't nearly naive enough to trust someone who's spent her whole life locked away in a tower, but there's another reason to keep her alive: her incomplete red string of fate resembles his own, and he's desperate to know why. So he kidnaps her, planning to kill her later if she proves useless. Of course, Laurelle conveniently forgot to mention that her bond with the dragon might be a little corrupted, and he'll need to help her repair it before she can help him. Escorting a plant-obsessed princess he can't control with his bloodweaving across half a continent while putting up with allies he never asked for is anything but easy. And the longer they take, the more his people suffer. But somewhere along the way, his unwanted companions start feeling suspiciously like friends. Worse, finding flowers to make Laurelle smile has somehow become a priority.

Then Laurelle admits she lied to escape her tower—killing her would stop the dragon, just like he wanted. He's sacrificed friends to save his people before. Now he must decide whether he can do it again or risk returning to a home with nothing left to save.

I'm a South African living in Japan with my husband, and I have a background in genetics, physiology, and education. I'm also neurodivergent, and my favorite hobby seems to be finding a new hobby every few weeks.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

FIRST 300 WORDS:

BANISHED PRINCE

“In the 6th year of his reign, Emperor Shanora declared the use of blood magic sacrilege against the seven gods and ordered all users and their immediate family be purged from the lupin bloodline. Within a year, the Zuranjian population was more than halved.”

—from Unlocking the Secrets of Blood by Lorehound Genuvia

My hands were covered in dried blood. I don’t think I’d ever get used to the feel of it under my nails or the stickiness in between my fingers. The songs of the dead screeched over one another as I dashed from one rooftop to the next.

I needed to get it off. Now.

But even under the cover of night I wasn’t dumb enough to head for the fountain where empty-headed lovers gathered or the nearby park with the stream where noisy kids played. I couldn’t risk anyone seeing my ears or my tail. Or the blood of course. I just needed to get back to my place then I’d be safe. I could do this.

My eyes darted to the skies. The dragon wasn’t following me, was it? I’d killed its rider, but it wouldn’t know it was me, right? It didn’t even see me. It wasn’t even there. My head spun, and I almost lost my footing.

Breathe.

It was fine. I was fine.

Empty brown eyes flashed through my head, and I swallowed the spit building in my mouth. I shouldn’t have killed him like that. I shouldn’t have done that. It looked slow. Painful. Even he didn’t deserve that.

“You shouldn’t have used that cursed magic in the first place,” the voice in my head spat.

“I know!”

Okay, don’t think about it. Don’t picture it. Just get home.

Just get home.

I let myself focus on the quiet crunching of my boots on the textured roof tiles. On the treetops peeking out from between the too tight together tall buildings.

Thank you again ❤️

I’m still relatively new to this sub (and Reddit in general) and am usually a lurker. My two posts thus far have been removed for different reasons 😅 hoping this one won’t, especially because it’s such a big update: I’m agented!

This happened so much quicker than I ever anticipated, and I think part of it is because of the genre. This story could definitely appeal to a large market.

Some details of the MS:
Contemporary romantic comedy with strong series potential
96k words
Dual POV

I previously indie published a 4 book romantasy series that was (by my standards) successful. I’m super proud of it and am excited for this genre jump!

Query stats at the time I was offered:
First query sent: Oct 13
Offer received: Nov 11
Total queries sent: 55
Rejections: 7
Referrals to other agents: 2
Full manuscript requests: 6

After I received my offer, I nudged a few others just to cover my bases and received 3 more full manuscript requests for a grand total of 9, more than my wildest dreams.

Strategy:
Very little. But I got a premium subscription to QueryTracker and a month of Publishers Marketplace and used them religiously. I only started querying when I did because a dream agent was open for a short amount of time, and instead of submitting to just them, I kept going. I tried to send at least one everyday and it quickly became an exhausting obsession.
I adjusted my query letter as I went and tweaked where I needed to. I never felt 100% happy with it, and I’m not sure we as authors ever will.

Takeaways:
FIND GOOD COMPS. This was “easy” in the romance genre because so many readers are so passionate about the books they love.
SET LIMITS. This was a very unhealthy few weeks. My eyes have been bloodshot and dry, I haven’t been eating or sleeping well. If I’d known I was going to get so into it, I would’ve set hard limits on time spent. So much time was spent staring at the query timelines of agents, it was not good. So please take care of yourself.

I’m not super comfortable sharing my entire query letter yet (maybe I will someday soon) but I followed the formula of intro with word count, single sentence pitch, and comps, followed by the blurb and my bio.

Editing to add: I do have some pretty substantial revisions to do, which I guess is relatively common! So don’t let it scare you if an agent mentions something like that!

Happy to answer any questions! Good luck to everyone!!

Hi! I'm not sure if this is allowed, but I didn't find any rules saying it's not, so here I am! I'm beginning to work on a new project, and thought I should try writing the pitch before the novel to see if it has a compelling premise. So while the book is not written yet, I'm hoping to get some feedback on the pitch! (the word count is an estimate) Many thanks in advance :)

Dear Agent,

[housekeeping paragraph]

Ning has everything a young woman could want: an illustrious family, the Emperor's favour, and a reputation as the empire's most celebrated silk weaver. In a world where magic pulses through strands of silk and spells are woven into being, she's worked hard to reach the top. The last thing she needs is Dai, her brilliant but insufferable former classmate turned wanted criminal—and a presumed dead man. Except he's turned up at the imperial palace very much alive, asking her to undo an immortality spell she'd woven for him years ago on a dare, never imagining it would actually work. If the men who wanted him dead discover he's still alive, his family will pay the price. Reluctantly, Ning agrees to help, if only to finally be rid of Dai, once and for all.

Their plans take an abrupt turn when the Emperor is assassinated right before their eyes, and the two are accused of treason and sentenced to death. Ning is quickly pardoned by the new Emperor, who has no intention of losing one of the empire's most valuable weavers. Dai, on the other hand, is executed…though even imperial execution can't keep him dead. When he returns, the new Emperor's younger brother takes an interest in him—a prince with ambitions on the throne, who hopes to turn his inexplicable immortality into the foundation of an invincible army.

For a while, Ning can pretend nothing has changed. She returns to her workshops, her courtly privileges, and the comfortable life she's built. But Dai knows better than to mistake the prince's patronage for kindness, and offers up the identity of the weaver responsible for his immortality in exchange for securing his family's safety. When the loom responsible for his immortality disappears from Ning's workshop, she has little doubt whose hands it's fallen into—or that she'll be accused of treason if the prince puts it to use.

As the imperial family fractures, Ning and Dai find themselves on opposing sides of a looming civil war. One side promises to preserve the empire as it is; another would make it powerful enough to crush its enemies. And somewhere beyond the palace walls, a third vows to tear the entire system down. Caught in the middle of an unravelling empire, Ning and Dai must decide whether the world they've fought so hard to survive in is truly one worth saving.

[bio paragraph]

I posted here about three weeks ago regarding an upcoming call with a midsized publisher (post).

I’ve since had the call (last Thursday) and it went fine. I was a little nervous and awkward for sure, but they said they wanted to publish my novel and that they would send a contract for me to review on Monday.

Well Monday came and went and I didn’t receive anything. I waited until Wednesday and then emailed to check in, but still nothing.

I’m a classic anxious, over-thinker, and I’m worried I messed up somehow. So I guess I’m looking for some reassurance or other people’s thoughts (even if it’s that I should move on).

I have another project I’m really excited to start querying, but I wanted to wait to hear back about this other work first, which is another reason I’m feeling impatient.

Anyway, thanks in advance!

Edit: Thank you all for the helpful assessments! I got an email from both the CEO and the contracts manager late yesterday saying they’re working on it, so I was just being impatient/overreacting :)