When I started school at 4 years old my dad always wanted to help me put it on and take it off, even going so far as to say it looked sexy. After a few weeks of school he started touching me. He would take me out after school, telling my mother we were going to the park or whatever, and he would drive his car out, park somewhere random, and touch me. He used to make me sit on his lap whilst he rubbed me over my panties. For years this went on, progressively getting worse. He would make me take my shirt off so he could kiss and lick my nipples, or make me help him jerk off. When I was 7 my mum started working nights, and that's when the rape started.

The first time my dad came into my room, I didn't know why he was there. He came in naked and started telling me off. He told me I had been a bad girl and was teasing him, and he spanked me. But he made me take off my clothes first. I could feel his penis underneath me as I played across his lap, and he kept sliding his fingers into my vagina. He gave me oral, and gave me my first orgasm. I didn't know what was happening. He made me lay down and slowly pushed himself inside me, only a little bit. He raped me.

After that it became constant. He would rape me, make me hump my teddy bears, take naked pictures of me, touch me, and when I was 9 I walked in on him masturbating with my panties. He also liked to watch me going to the toilet. He insisted on wiping me, and if I pooped he would "help it get unstuck" by pushing a finger in and out of my butt after I pooped. I had a lot of nightmares, and sometimes I would wet the bed. If he was home alone with me he would give me lots of water and watch me sleep so he could see me wet the bed.

He died when I was 10. That was 5 years ago, and my mother still doesn't know.

I just needed to vent. I've never told anybody before.

This is my first post. I hope it isn't too graphic. If I'm violating any rules, let me know and I'll edit my post.

I'm a 26yo female and from the ages of 8-12 I was molested by an elderly retired man who used to babysit me after school a few days a week since both my parents worked.  He would pick me up from school and take me back to his house, and I'd be there for a few hours until one of my parents picked me up.  We knew him from our church and he was a really nice man, so no one ever suspected anything about him.

It was actually really fun to hang out at his house.  He would help me with homework, we'd play games or watch tv or a movie, and he was totally like a fun grandfather to me.

The abuse didn't start right away, it was actually about a year into his babysitting before it began.  He started watching me when I was 7 but he didn't start doing things to me until I was 8.  I don't know why he waited so long.  Maybe he was unsure in the beginning, maybe that's how long it took him to groom me so that I was receptive to being touched.  Looking back, though, I can see how he groomed me.  He began suggesting that I bring a change of clothes with me so that I could change out of my school stuff when I was at his house.  It made sense and it got to the point where I kept some knock-around stuff at his house (shorts, t-shirts, a pair of sweats, even some underwear.  I would change out of my school stuff at his house and then change back when my parents picked me up.  I don't know how that wasn't a red flag for anyone but it wasn't.  He would help me change my clothes and had gotten me comfortable with him seeing me undressed.  I remember the first time he touched me.  He was helping me to change like he usually did but this time he paused as I was undressed and put his hand in my underwear and felt my bottom.  It wasn't scary or uncomfortable for me so I just stood there.  He then pulled my underwear down and touched me for a little bit, then pulled them back up and helped me get dressed.  After that time it became a kind of usual thing for him to do, he would help me to change, pull my underwear down and touch my body for a while, then help me get dressed again.  I knew what he was doing was probably wrong but I also remember that it felt invigorating to be naked and being touched like that, so I never told anyone what he was doing.

I also began doing things to invite his touches.  We would be playing or doing something and I would pretend to go unconscious and lie down on the floor.  That was his cue that he had to "examine" me and so he would pick me up and take me to the exam room (his bedroom), lie me on the exam table (his bed) and undress me and examine me by touching me.  This is when he began kissing my body and using his mouth on me, which I admit felt very good.  Later on, he began taking off his clothes during the "exams" and in addition to molesting me and giving me oral he would stroke himself while playing with my vagina until he ejaculated on me.  When he began doing this, I knew to stay "unconscious" until his exam was completed, which would be when he came on me.  He would then clean me up and we'd go back to playing or whatever.  Sometimes he would ask me if I wanted to stay naked and so I would.  We would watch tv or a movie and he'd have me sit on his lap naked, and he would play with my vagina like it was totally normal to do.  And I would let him.  And I never told anyone because although I knew it was wrong he was doing things to my body and making me feel things that I never felt before.

I think I was 9 or close to 10 the first time his friend did things with me, too.  He was an older man as well and very nice (and I recall that he was very funny and knew a lot of jokes).  He had stopped by before and nothing had happened with him but one time he was over and was watching a movie with us.  We were all sitting on the couch, I was in the middle.  At one point during the movie my babysitter put his hand on my thigh and began gently rubbing.  I remember that it made me a bit nervous because his friend saw and I was worried he might tell someone, but I relaxed.  Soon his friend put his hand on my other leg and they were each feeling my thighs.  Eventually my babysitter asked me if I wanted to take my shorts off and I knew he wasn't really asking me.  He stood me up and undressed me until I was naked and then sat me between them again.  They pulled my legs open and took turns touching my vagina.  I didn't like it but I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there and tried to focus on the movie.  It wasn't so much that I had an issue with the other man seeing me naked and touching me, but more so that it had been our secret up until then and having someone else involved was unsettling to me.  

Things continued that way with my babysitter, we'd play our exam games, I began having orgasms from him giving me oral, and he taught me to give him oral, too.  His friend would come over once in a while and they would "examine" me together and I began giving him oral as well.  They began having sex with me when I was 11. Two other of his friends had sex with me a few times as well. When I was 12 we moved to another city.  I've never told anyone about what used to happen.

I had my first therapy session today. Finally admitting everything that had happened felt so good I don't want to have to wait for over a week to continue telling my story. I have this urge to write everything down and get it out of me.

I don't remember when he came into my life but I do remember looking up to him so much as a little girl. Mom always talked about how he was so generous and kind to take us in when he didn't have to, how he worked so hard to support our family, how much he did for us, how I had to love him and respect him and be obedient to him to show my gratitude. And I did. I don't know if that's because of her influence or because he was the father figure I had never, ever had but had always desperately wanted. I really just wanted to be loved by him.

He would get home from work late, hours after my mom would drink herself to sleep. I would stay up and wait for him because I'd be starving and I knew he'd bring me something to eat or cook something up for me. After dinner, he'd have a few beers as he hovered over me doing my homework at the kitchen table. He would help me get ready for school the next day. I have fond memories of those times, and I feel guilty about it even though I know I shouldn't. I was just a child.

It was a stark contrast to what I was used to. I grew up being neglected by mom. She couldn't take care of herself so she couldn't even begin to think about caring for me. She just left me to fend for myself so when he came along, he was the discipline I needed in the middle of all the chaos that was my life. I had always wanted a family like the ones I saw on TV and he was the closest thing I ever got to one.

There was almost nothing inappropriate going on then. I've always wondered what made that change. Thinking back, there were all these little things he did that I think were signs of what was to come. He used to kiss my neck, my feet, lick and nibble on my ears and ask me how that felt. I remember thinking it was so odd he would do that, it never felt like anything special. I really didn't like him doing it but I never told him that. He was very distant, harsh and disciplinarian and those were the only times he would show me affection and I didn't want that to stop. I remember he would usually just watch me bathe but sometimes he would scrub me down himself. He didn't let me sleep with panties on, he said it wasn't good for me.

The real abuse started when I was thirteen. I started experimenting with makeup, doing my hair, dressing nice. Things every preteen girl does. He hated that. He said I was a whore like my whore mother and would end up like her so I wasn't allowed to wear anything remotely provocative or do my makeup. I wasn't allowed to date anyone. He even changed his work schedule so he could be home earlier and make sure I wasn't out all day. As a teenager, that naturally made me want to rebel so I did all of the things I wasn't allowed to do.

One of the times when I got caught, he told me to take my pants off because I needed to be spanked. He had always used spanking as a form of discipline, it was nothing out of the ordinary. His request for me to take my pants off was new, but as I was wearing a thong that day I thought he must have somehow known and that I had been caught red handed. I didn't want to take my pants off, not only because I was ashamed of him, but also because I didn't want to make my punishment worse once he discovered what I was wearing underneath.

He shoved me down on the couch and forcefully took my pants off as he held me down. It's weird to think back because I remember being ashamed of the sparse pubic hair covering my vagina more than anything else. For the longest time I struggled with this because I thought that my embarrassment at not having a perfectly bare vagina meant that on some level, even then, I wanted him to find me attractive. I had already started exploring my sexuality back then, I was regularly watching porn and masturbating. Being exposed like that felt like a really weird mixture of wrong and exciting.

He forced me over his knee and spanked me. When he was finally done, I went to pick up my pants and put them back on but he wouldn't allow it. He made me go up the stairs half naked and I didn't understand why.

I thought if I just pretended like everything was the same as it always had been, things would go back to normal. But that incident, I think, gave him the confidence to escalate.

From that point on, he became harsher than ever. He always found some reason to punish me and I had to take every punishment half naked. It was just an excuse for him to touch me. His hand kept straying down and I remember trying to keep my legs closed but him always pushing my thighs further apart. When he was done, he would rub and massage my ass to "soothe" me and tell me he didn't want to hurt me but I had to learn what was right and wrong. He would call me his good girl and rub down towards my lips with just the tip of his fingers, as if he didn't really mean to. One day I was so wet he could feel it just by doing that. I felt him spreading my wetness all over as he told me not to move and just stay still and look at the window until he told me I'm done. I froze, thinking I was the most disgusting girl on earth and that he would go and tell or show my mom or something and that I would be thrown out of my own home. Instead, I felt him fumble with his pants and then a quick and frantic movement followed that was soon over. Again, I had watched enough porn by then that I should've known better but I was not able to put two and two together. Or maybe I just couldn't accept what had happened.

All of that happened with my mom in the next room. She was less than a year away from killing herself so she was already checked out by then. Most of the abuse I suffered at that age happened with my own mother just a few feet away.

One day, he caught me masturbating. I was doing it in my bed, under a blanket, when he entered my bedroom. He must have seen some movement under the blanket right as he came in because he threw the blanket off of me. I was completely exposed to him. He went absolutely crazy, I was afraid he would hit me. He yelled at me, calling me a whore once again, demanding to know if I was still a virgin. For the first time he took his belt out and spanked me with it, I was sobbing so loud. I still don't know why that wasn't enough for my mom to finally come check in on me. At some point he just put his belt away and slipped one finger inside of me. He had been spanking me from a fetal position and pushed me onto my back and started to feel up my breasts with his hands. I was just frozen in place, I had no clue what to do. I don't think I even had any thoughts. When he took his finger out of me he saw there was blood on it and wiped it off on me. I think that was what saved me from being raped that day.

After that incident, I told my boyfriend at the time what happened but he just kind of shrugged it off so I did, too. My step dad didn't show up at our house for a few days and when he was back I was afraid he would do something but he just acted like normal. It made me feel crazy, like I was taking issue with something that was perfectly normal. Like I was being oversensitive and weird for being bothered by what had happened.

Some time after that, I was at my first house party. It was my first time drinking, too, and I drank way too much. I couldn't stop throwing up and I called him to come pick me up. He took care of me that night, didn't even yell at me or anything, which solidified, in my brain, that he was a good step dad and I was rotten for misinterpreting what he was doing to me.

One night, I had fallen asleep next to my mom, in their bed. I didn't hear him come home but I woke up at some point during the night to them having sex in bed right next to me and the oversized t-shirt I slept in being pulled all the way up over my body. It was so humiliating and disgusting. I stayed up pretending to be sleeping that whole night, until he had to leave for work in the morning.

I finally accepted he was a deranged pervert the day he paused spanking me to be able to slip his fingers between my lips, down to my clit. He was the first person to make me orgasm other than myself and I kept so quiet and tried so hard to hide it but I couldn't help moving and then I just started crying as soon as it was all over. He brought me up and held me and kissed me all over for what felt like eternity. He made me sit on his lap, right on his erection and pressed my ass down against him. He told he how much he loved me, how I was his good little girl and I felt so miserable I wished I could be dead.

I'm not sure I can talk about the incident that happened after that on this subreddit. If anyone read this far and is offended by it let me know and I'll remove it. I want to talk about it anyway as it's one of the major things I struggle with that I am now trying to fix through therapy.

I know that he raped me because I was only barely fourteen and he had groomed me for almost my whole life. But it wasn't one of those forceful things. That only came later. The first time we had sex (the first time he raped me?) was a few weeks after we had buried my mom. I was crying, missing her and feeling so lost. I had been crying that whole time but he had ignored me for the most part. That day he sat down next to me and took me into his arms and it's like some weird wires were crossed in my brain. I don't know why I did it, I guess I'm in therapy to figure that out. But I am the one who climbed on top of him that day. I am the one who put his hands on me. He immediately took control and before I knew it, I was completely naked, he had me on my back and he was between my legs. I regretted it and tried to push him away but he forcefully spread my legs and pinned them down in a way that hurt me. He attempted to enter me but I was so dry it was really hard and probably hurt me so much more than it should have when he had finally managed to force himself inside of me. He came inside of me and got up, walked out of the room and left me there on the bed, feeling more numb than ever.

For a while after that, he would act normal during the day but come rape me in my bed at night. I had enough of it and tried running away from home but he forced me to come back. He told me he loved me and that I would never find someone who loves me as much as he does or that could make me feel as good as he does. He would ask me whether my boyfriends I ran away with could fuck me as well as he does and embarrassingly enough, I used to agree with him and say I needed him. He moved us away from all of my friends and his acquaintances so we could start over as a couple.

For a while I believed him when he said we were meant to be. He got into telling me all of the sick thought he had about me when I was just a child and would only ever get me off if I played along and told him I always wanted it, too. The mental abuse continued until I finally got away from him for good but if I am honest, the times where he forcefully raped me were rarer than when I willingly had sex with him. I was enjoying it to the point where I had to talk about him and what he put me through to even get off with any of the boyfriends I tried to keep without my stepdad finding about them. As you can imagine, I didn't have a lot of normal relationships.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to be as honest with my therapist as I am here. It feels good to get it all out.

It started with my mom trying to impress a man asking me if I was sleeping naked like mommy does? We all shared the bed together and I thought it was a game. I would have to sleep between them. This is when my step dad started touching me at 6 yo.

When I got my own room he came into my room alone when I was 7 but then he started to rape me at 8. I was instantly addicted to the feeling. My mother walked in on him raping me at 9. He was on top of me and I looked at her in the eyes. She walked out and called me a whore. After that she started with the physical abuse.

I started telling him that I was sleeping naked tonight. That was code for come to my room tonight. In a world where no one loved me. The man who was raping me made me feel special. I spent my entire life addicted to drugs and sex not know who I was because it was given a chance.

I've been in recovery for 1 year 6 months. But I'm starting to love myself for the first time in my life.

Hi, everyone.  I've been lurking here for a while and reading about others' molestation/abuse experiences and I'd like to share what happened to me.  I'm going to be very candid and honest about it, so I hope I don't get into any trouble or break any rules here.  And I don't want to trigger any other survivors so please use your discretion in reading this post.  I'm posting this to maybe help others, or maybe just to help myself by getting this all out there.

Like the title says, I feel like I'm responsible for everything that happened to me.  I know that in actuality I'm not, because I was just a child and these were two adults who took advantage of me, but a part of me still- and probably always will- feels likes I caused my abuse because I wanted it and I invited it.

As I talk about what happened to me please note that I am not eroticizing or glamorizing my experiences in any way.  They preyed on a small child who didn't know any better and their actions were harmful and criminal.

My abuse began when I was 8 years old.  It was committed by two older neighbors, a husband and wife.  I'm going to refer to them as He and She rather than making up names or having to keep saying 'the wife' or 'the husband.'  I think they had moved next door to us when I was like 6, so we'd known them for a couple years and we became really friendly with them.  They had a pool and at some point when I was around 8, my parents began allowing me to go next door and asking our neighbors if I could swim in their pool, which they allowed and they'd supervise me or swim with me,

Nothing really happened during those swimming times but later on they began having me shower after I got out, ostensibly to wash off the chlorine and other chemicals.  They had an outdoor shower and they'd have me take off my suit and wash off in the shower, which was no big thing because I was 8 and had no problem with being naked.  She would sometimes help me dry off and I think that was one of the ways they tested the water with me.  I never had a problem with her doing that and I actually recall that I liked the feeling of her drying me off.  I don't know why, it just made me feel good.  But over time the showers moved indoors so I could use soap and shampoo rather than just rinsing off.  And during those showers they'd both happen to be in the bathroom and they'd casually watch me.  That soon became one of them "helping" me to wash my hair or my body.  Again, I didn't think anything of it and even enjoyed that.

The turning point, though, was once after they had gone swimming with me, they took me inside to shower and they got in the shower with me.  That was the first time I had seen them naked and I admit that I was curious about their bodies- his in particular, because I'd never seen an adult penis before- but I wasn't scared or uncomfortable really.  After washing my hair she kneeled down and began soaping up my body, all over but her hands would keep returning to my chest, my bottom, and between my legs.  He was standing behind me and reached in front of me and began rubbing my chest.  I froze.  I knew they were no longer just washing me.  I became nervous and didn't know what to do, but yes, a part of me liked it.

They rinsed the soap off me and She turned the water off.  I thought we were done with the shower but they didn't get out.  Instead, they continued to feel my body.  She was still kneeling and he now stood to my side, and I saw that with one hand she was stroking his erect penis.  At that point, I wanted to get out but I didn't say anything and I let them continue because they were making me feel things I'd never felt before.  I know now that they had been grooming and manipulating me to get me to that point and they knew how to control me then.  

After a while, He grabbed his penis, began masturbating, and pulled me close to him, and then he ejaculated onto my chest.  I was scared, I had no idea what just happened.  After he finished ejaculating she started licking it off my chest.  Now I was scared and felt dirty and wanted to get out of there as fast as possible, but still I stood frozen.  They rinsed me off once more and we finally got out.  He left to get dressed and She began drying me off.  I remember what she said then.  She said, 'We won't tell anyone about this shower.'  But instead of saying it in a way like 'please don't tell anyone' she said it more like 'It's ok, we won't tell anyone.'  That actually relieved me because I knew what we just did was wrong.  Or, to clarify, what they had just done to me was wrong, but in that moment I felt like I was equally to blame and I didn't want to get into trouble.  

As confused as I was over that incident I went back to swim in their pool again a few days later.  The same kind of thing happened, we all swam in the pool for a while and then they showered with me, but this time they kind of dropped the pretense of washing me and just rubbed my body and played with my vagina and bottom.  Once again, I was scared and uncomfortable but their touches were also electric and I didn't want them to stop.  They had me touch them, too, which was the first time I touched an adult vagina and penis.  She gave him oral in front of me, and again he ejaculated on me and she licked it off my body.  This time she had me taste some of it.  I didn't want to but I remember feeling like I didn't want them to be upset with me, so I let her feed me some off her fingers.  It but it wasn't as gross as I feared.

So that's how things would go.  I'd go over to their how to swim or just hang out with them and they'd do little things like casual touches to gauge if I wanted to "play" as we called it, and if so, we'd go up to their bedroom.  They'd take off my clothes and lay me on the bed and pretend to examine me, which was just them touching and kissing my body.  They would then get naked, too, and touch each other and have me touch them as well.  They eventually began performing oral sex on me and they taught me to perform it on both of them also.  I felt like this was our little secret and that I was a partner in all of this, but in reality they knew how to manipulate and use my physical curiosity to get what they wanted.  They stirred emotions and feelings in me and knew how to control me by giving me pleasure.  I was so bought into their manipulation that when my parents would go away on trips I'd ask to stay with our neighbors.  I was actually excited to stay with them.  Of course, we did a lot of normal stuff like watch movies, eat ice cream, go out to eat, but there would also be a lot of time for our "play." 

This went on for years.  Sometimes I would see them pretty frequently and other times a month could go by without me going over there.  When we'd see each other outside or whatever they'd never ask me to come over and they never did anything to pressure me.  They just waited for me to come to them.  In time, they took my virginity and I thought I was so mature because I was having sex.  I became hyper-sexual and they used that to their advantage.  No, they never overtly or directly pressured me, but they preyed on me for sure.  I hardly dated in high school and the two boys I did have sex with were lousy, so I always fell back to the neighbors for release.  I liken it to an addict who keeps returning to their supplier.  Once they get the addict hooked they don't need to do anything except sit back and wait.

I'm ashamed to say this but if I'm putting my story out here, then I need to be honest and tell it all. My hyper-sexuality caused me to do things that I'm not proud of, one of which was that I eventually began flirting with my brother, who is three years older, and letting him see me naked. This led to my giving him blowjobs and ultimately to us having sex sometimes. It wasn't good sex for me (he was just a teen boy after all), but it would do for the times when I needed sex and couldn't see my neighbors.

I wasn't able to break out of this cycle and finally realize what they had done to me until I left for college.  I guess removing myself from that situation and having distance allowed me to see with clarity.  I don't hate them but I know what they did to me was wrong.  And I'll carry some effects with me for the rest of my life.  I'm still hyper-sexual and that's sometimes a struggle.  In college I also began dating and eventually married a much older man and while I absolutely love him; however, had it not been for the sexual abuse I went through, I'm unsure whether I would have been drawn to him in the beginning.  And we do have a DD/lg aspect to our marriage.

Gosh, this is already much longer than I planned.  If you've read through all of this, thank you for letting me share my story.  Just writing all this out has definitely helped me.

TW: family incest

So, my mom and dad were my (24f) and my brother's sexual abusers.  They started things when we were quite young, and god did they do a good job in grooming us and making us believe it was just normal stuff for some families to do.  

Things began when I was 7 and my brother was 8.  I remember around that time our parents began letting us see them naked more and more.  And they would allow me and my brother to be naked a lot, too.  I actually remember liking that I could always be "nakey" as I called it.  Sometimes we'd all get into our parents' bed and watch tv, like a movie or something, and we'd all be naked.  My mom would sometimes playfully play with our dad's penis in front of us.  We would giggle like crazy at that.  Then she would do the same thing to each of us.  She would grab each of us and we'd pretend to try to get away, and she would tickle our genitals.  She made it like a game but obviously she was trying to stimulate us, and it worked.  Each time she'd play this "game" we'd put up a little fight but secretly it felt good.  I remember us all being in bed, watching tv, and hoping at some point she'd play the game with us.  

I remember when I was around 8 it moved beyond just her playing with us, and she began having me play the game with my brother.  I did it because I knew my brother liked it, and honestly there was some curiosity on my part about penises.  This kind of became a regular thing when we'd all be in their bed, which also became more frequent.  Our mom also began telling us this is normal for some families to do, and of course being so young, we didn't question it.  We were getting sexually stimulated and were being taught that this kind of thing is ok.

It quickly moved to our mom giving our dad oral in front of us and her having me do that on my brother.  Again, more grooming and being told it's normal and ok.  In fact, my mom began telling me this was something sisters do for their brothers to show they love them.  And she used to tell us this is what she had done for both her brothers when she was growing up.  Honestly, my brother and I didn't question it.  Both our parents, but particularly our mom, knew exactly how to groom us and reinforce the idea that there was nothing wrong with what we were doing.  

This continued and even started when we weren't all in bed together.  Our mom would have us "play" together other times, too.  Always telling me this is how sisters take care of their brothers, because brothers watch out for and protect their sisters.  She basically taught me I should do this for my brother whenever he wanted.  I'm not kidding.  And so it went like that for a long time.  It was ingrained in me that I was being a good sister when I did this for him, and my mom would reward me for it.  I was taught that it was my role to please my brother. 

A few years later, our mom decided to teach my brother and me about sex.  She actually had us try it together.  She literally showed us how to have sex with each other and told us this is how brothers and sisters show their love for each other, and how she used to do this for her brothers.  Our mom would actually encourage us to have sex together, and she'd watch and praise us.

So here's why I'm embarrassed to be telling all of this.  I liked it.  I think on some level by this time I knew this wasn't normal stuff families do, but I liked being with my brother.  And to be fair, my brother and I had already experimented in some ways, so what our mom was teaching us at this point wasn't completely new to us.

By this time, my brother and I instinctively knew this is not normal things families or siblings do together, but we liked doing it, and we knew we couldn't tell anyone.  There were still times we'd all be together in our parents' bed, and by this time we would kind of all be doing things together.  It was weird at first but with more grooming and indoctrination, my brother and I became active participants.  So yes, by now I was with both my brother and my dad.  I began to sometimes seek it out.  I was becoming hyper sexual and as a result I sought out sex with them.  

If you knew us back then, you would never, ever have suspected anything.  We were well-to-do, active in our church, my brother and I were stellar students and active in sports and groups, we had plenty of friends.  No one knew what was happening at home.

I only confided in one person, another girl from our church who confided in me that he and her brother sometimes had sex.  I told her my brother and I had "at times" fooled around. I never told her our parents were also involved but I think she knew.  She and I became best friends.

My parents divorced when I was 20.  My mom moved back to the Philippines. My brother ended up moving out there, too. 

This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons since most of my friends and family know my real reddit account info. But I have never told any of them about my abuse and I don't think I want to. However, I feel like I need to talk about it so I hope it's ok to post about it here. I (22f) was groomed and sexually abused by my diving coach starting when I was 11 and it lasted until I was 18 when I went to college.

Sorry this is so long. I just need to get this out and vent. I have no one I can open up to about this.

Ever since I was really young I loved watching diving, and so my mom got me into swimming and diving lessons really early. The swimming was ok but I took to diving immediately. While the other girls in the lessons were sometimes fearful of diving, I loved it and it just felt natural to me. I joined a local swimming and diving club through our local Y and right from the start I was winning the diving competitions. I knew diving was something I wanted to pursue but pretty quickly I advanced out of the local club and we realized I needed more training than what the club coach could provide. We looked around for other clubs but there really weren't any in our area, so the club coach recommended we look into getting an individual coach for me. We eventually found a few and talked to them about everything, and we ended up going with an older guy who had coached girls from my age and up, and I guess some of his previous girls had gone on to division I diving programs.

I worked with him after school and on weekends and it was great. I was really progressing and feeling like I was learning a lot. And he was a great coach, so I was really happy. He got me into regional competitions for my age group and also a couple times a month he'd take me for the weekend to a diving complex in a nearby city that had better facilities. It was when he took me to the regionals and the other complex that the abuse began.

We would stay at a hotel and I don't know why but I never even wondered about why he'd only get one room for both of us. It started slowly, like us seeing each other undressed and I guess once he felt I was comfortable with that he began giving me massages and helping me stretch in the hotel room before and after practices or competitions- and of course he suggested that I be naked for those, and again I never questioned it because he was my coach and I really liked him, so I let him touch me. It's embarrassing but I liked it too. Looking back, I know I had a crush on him so I liked the attention he was giving me. He always made me feel special and more grown up.

The touching went on for a while when we were away together, but he also began doing it before and after our daily dive practices. Not every time but often. Afterwards I'd feel kind of gross about it and I'd be upset with myself for enjoying it. I'd tell myself I wasn't going to let him do that anymore, but then it would start the next time and I'd willingly let him. Then I'd go home and take a really long shower, trying to get the feeling of his touches off my body.

He was a master predator, too. He read me so well. He knew I had a crush on him. He knew I sought his approval and praise, both as a coach and as a father figure. He used all of that to keep manipulating me. He started giving me oral when we were away at practices or meets and "suggested" that I try it on him also. I hate that it felt so good. I hate that I was curious about his penis. He ended up taking my virginity on one of those trips, and after that time we would have sex every time we went away on the weekends and also sometimes when he could find a way to have sex with me after our practices. I hate that I liked it because it made me feel so mature and how he gaslighted me into thinking it was ok for us to be doing all that stuff.

One time when we were at the hotel, he suggested we work on my diving form. He had me fully undress and get into some poses and he took pictures of me. I think in the back of my mind I knew what he was really doing but I went along with it because I liked his attention and affection.

Not long after that, we met one of his "friends" and they both had sex with me. That was the start of my trafficking. Each time we were away there would be men we'd meet who would have sex with me while he filmed it. This went on for years. I was a star diver winning regional competitions and even getting to national qualifiers, a top student in school, had plenty of friends, and I was being trafficked for sex. No one ever knew and I never told anyone.

I ended up getting a diving scholarship to a top university and I know I owe a lot to the man who sexually abused, raped and trafficked me. It's a very hard pill to swallow.

Moms boyf used me anally and orally from 9-11 and do you know what? He was a bad man but at the time I didn't think so. That's bad but that's how I felt at the time. I literally looked forward to it. Even when it hurt. I knew to say thank you and smile at how happy I made him. If mom wasn't looking I was tugging at his zipper.

I knew to wear lip gloss, all my small skirts, I knew how he wanted me to act. I loved posing for photos.

I literally asked him to do things to me. I knew to ask for it harder. To say thank you for the present of a new vibrator.

I was his...and his friends.

There i said it.

I'm a 25f that still prefers anal and oral when having sex.

There I said it.

I'm sorry.

I grew up in a very conservative church and family that was oddly obsessed with sex (I realized later).

My earliest memories are the spankings. A woman must learn to submit, no matter what a man asked. If it was something you didn’t want to do, it was a way that God tested your obedience. I was groomed through religion to comply.

My dad spanked me (and my sisters) often. He’d wear soft gray sweatpants and ask me to sit on his lap. He’d kiss my neck and cheek explaining that he loved me but also had to punish me. I’d stand in front of him while he undressed me. He’d explain that God wanted our humility. Our nakedness stripped us of our pride.

Then I’d lay across his lap. He was usually hard before the first hit, but I didn’t know what it was. He’d spank me hard, then smooth and rub my butt. He’d spread my legs and reach between them, soothing me by stroking my lips. Then spank. Repeat until I no longer resisted.

Once I quit resisting, he’d pull me to a sitting position, facing him. He’d pull his dick out of his pants and hold me tight, forcing my pussy against him. He’d move his lap up and down, telling me he loved me until he came.

My mother was never in the room, but I think she knew since she bathed me immediately afterwards.

I only wore panties on school days. It was unhealthy otherwise, including Sunday’s at church. I’d wear a dress and no underwear. My dad said no one could tell, but the men acted like they could tell.

My dad would have me sit in his lap for the whole service, rubbing my bareness against him, through his clothes.

I was encouraged to sit on other men’s laps at church, whoever asked me. My father wanted to be known as having the most obedient daughters, so he’d remind me not to resist even if I was taken to the back room.

I’d sit on their laps while they touched me. I was not penetrated, but I’d be naked and enjoyed among them then praised for being such a good girl. I was proud of being a good girl, so I never asked for help.

I complained to my parents once and they said we can’t question God.

My sister said not to complain as it gets much worse when you are older.

I got used to it. So when my best friend’s brother snuck into my room one night at a sleepover, I didn’t resist. Despite his sister laying next to me, he (15M) came inside me (11F).

I eventually told my parents. That was a mistake. They sent me to my youth pastor, with my best friend. We had to learn modesty and how sinful we were for making men stumble. The first counseling session he fucked my best friend on the couch in his office to show how evil we were. He’d touch me while he fucked her, telling me I wasn’t as tempting. It wasn’t until an overnight youth group event that he fucked me. He made my best friend suck him after he’d been inside me.

By 18, I’d been touched or fucked by most of the leaders at church. My parents were told that I resisted God and couldn’t overcome sinful sexual desires. They recommended that my best friend and I be married to Christian men asap. Our marriages were arranged and the whole thing was like it never happened.

I hope no young girl ever has to hear the words “we will handle this within the church” like I did.

I had a crush on my older cousin as long as I can remember, and she knew I did too and sometimes teased me about it.

When I was 14 she was 25 and in an abusive relationship. She was couch hopping between her parents house and her boyfriends apartment. It was her parent's 25th anniversary and they had a party. My cousin's boyfriend was there for a bit, it was weird, they weren't speaking to each other so it was awkward until he left. I think my uncle forced him to leave. We weren't planning to stay the night but my dad and stepmom got trashed and it was getting later so my uncle offered to let us stay the night.

Everyone had left besides my family. The parents were out back and still drinking wine. I had played tackle football in the backyard with the neighbors so I needed to shower before bed. I was in the shower doing what boys my age do and I heard the doorknob rattle, then a knock. My cousin said she knew what I was doing in there and I needed to hurry up cause she needed to use the bathroom. I was so embarrassed I shut off the water and got out right away. I walked from the bathroom to the office I was going to sleep in and tried not to look at my cousin but I saw she was smiling and watching me from the living room. I didn't have any clean clothes so I was naked under the blanket on the futon. After a few minutes my cousin came in in her pajamas. I know I was red in the face when she walked in.

She teased me a little and it kinda felt like she was flirting with me. I was so nervous being so exposed just having a blanket on me. She left and shook her butt at me as she walked out. I got up and locked the door and masturbated and tried to go to sleep. Pretty soon the adults came back in and I heard dad holler goodnight (my name), I hollered back goodnight dad and I saw the lights under the door go off.

I woke up from the noise of the front door closing. I heard talking outside and peaked through the blinds. My cousin was out there on the phone, smoking and pacing. She was whisper yelling at the phone, I assumed it was her dickhead boyfriend and I was right. I watched until she lit her second cig and saw me, she made an angry down motion and I closed the blinds and laid back down. I thought she was pissed at me and I laid there listening to her on the phone. She finally hung up and came inside. She tried to open my door but it was locked, she knocked lightly. I got up and put the towel around my waist and let her in.

"You heard me?"

"Yeah"

I was really nervous and could barely see her face in the dark. She told me I could get back in bed and that she needed to talk to me. I did and covered myself with the blanket again. She stood there without saying anything until she sighed. She asked if I had had sex before. I told her yes and she sighed again. She locked the door and said she needed a big favor from me and started taking her clothes off. She had me adjust the futon and sit up and she rode me. When I was close she got off of me and I came on myself. I tried to touch her but she pushed me away and said no and I watched her masturbate until she finished. She thanked me and apologized then got her clothes and left.

That's how it was for a while with her. When her and her boyfriend would have a big blowup she would call me and tell me to make an excuse to my parents and walk down the street where her car would be waiting and we would have sex. Sometimes she apologized and I would tell her not to and she would say again, "no I need to say sorry."

It feels weird to remember it. She probably was my biggest crush growing up. I don't know if other guys felt that way about a close older relative. I know it shouldn't have happened and she was so ashamed of herself as it was ongoing. We saw each other again for the first time in a few years so I decided to share. We didn't talk about any of this, she's married and just had another baby, but seeing her brought back memories.

TRIGGER WARNING

I am from the southern west coast of Denmark.I'm 26,married to my husband(not my molester) of 3 years

We have a 1 year old daughter who is happy and healthy .We both have stable jobs and a great home

I don't suffer from any trama or any other mental issues from what happened to me from ages 11-16.

But I can't keep it a secret any longer .I've never told ANYONE about when I was molested.So here it goes

I discovered sex and porn at a very young age basically all on my own.I realized I was strictly hetero sexual around age 10

There was a single man who was around 23 or 24 years old who moved in a few houses away from mine when I was about 11.

He was ...gorgeous to say the least .Wavy "darkish" strawberry blonde hair,light skin,hazel eyes,about 5 foot 10 (I'd guess) and had a fit build

He was a music instructor of some sort or something similar to that as I remember

I almost immedely found myself very attracted to him.

I would volunteer to help him clean his hoise,walk his dog for him (a collie) and other things

I would fantisize about him and...yeah I'm sure you can figure out what else I did to myself during those nights

I was a pretty confident young girl.I already kissed 2 boys by that time and already had them both touch me and I did the same to them both

It was only in the outside of our pants btw

Anyway,one day I had the courage to give it a go with the music teacher.((He wasn't a teacher of mine and he worked at a different school)

I won't go in to much detail about how I convinced him to do things with me as I'm sure it will make most of you REALLY pissed off

But for 5 years...3 really? Age of consent is 15 here and he wasn't an authority figure of mine.He and I had numerous sexual encounters

He took my virginity at 11 years old.There was felatio and cunnilingus involved alot over the 5 years as well

I would sneak over to his house as much as I could during the nights for those experiences

He moved away to another city when I was 16 and I was heart broken.I felt like I had fallen in love with him and even discussed marriage with him

I didn't hear from him or see him ever again when he moved

2 years ago I found out that he had been arrested for having a sexual relationship with a 14 year old girl he had authority over

He is currently still incarcerated for it as well

I look back and realize that he was a massive pervert for being ok with having sexual relationships with teen girls

But at the same time.I feel guilty myself as it was me who convinced him to give in to my desires

And I still sometimes find myself getting aroused when I think about him and those experiences

Was I wrong? Or were both of us equally wrong?

I wasn't born to be parents daughter, I was born to be there toy. The earliest memory I have is my mom holding my legs open for my dad to do oral on. I was never given a chance. I was always going to be there plaything, an additional toy in there toybox. They never loved me, just loved using me. The only reason why I want to school and was feed is because they didn't want to be caught raping me so they kept appearances up.

I've been cursed with a very good memory. No Matter how hard I try to forget things that was done to me, I can't. I remember the time my parents double penetrated, causing me miss my soccer practice because I couldn't walk straight. I remember the time they tied me to there foot rest on there bed with a vibrator wand taped to me and left for the evening and didn't come back till after midnight. I remember when they invited two couples to our house for the weekend and passed me around like I was a weed pipe or all the videos they took of me and posted online, which I'm sure are shared.

But the worst thing they did is they would act like they care about me, want to make me happy. Like when they get Max, my German Shepard mix for me. They let me take care of him and once they saw how happy I was, they trained him to fuck me. They literally just to use me for their sick pleasure. (Side note, fuck them, I still love dogs and I loved Max more then I'll ever love my parents.)

I'll never be able to forget. They ruined my life, I'm hypersexual, I wont have kids because im afraid I'll end up just like them and abuse my child. I have CPTSD, depression, anxiety disorder. The amount of times I've self-harmed or had a gun in my mouth, wanting to end it all is to much.

What happened to my parents? Nothing, they live in a cabin, looking over a valley. I can't get away from them. They're rich, they pay for my therapy, any time I need money, they send it, but of course, they want me to let them abuse me again for the money.

I don't want to end this post on a dark note. I wanted to end this on a positive one. Everyone, therapy works. My therapist is literally my guardian angel. Don't get discouraged and not find the right fit for you. So please, get help if you need it.

Long time lurker, finally feel comfortable to say my past on a burner account, my main is to easy to track me.

I was abused by my dad and mother every since I can remember. One of my first memories is coming back from my grandparents place, sitting in the front seat with my mother while she had her hand down my skirt, my father having his penis out his hand over mine as I jacked him off.

I slept in there room, I had a bedroom but I hardly even slept in there. It was always with them till I was in my teens. At first they just had me watch when I was in there. Then it moved on to be touched while watching. Finally, I guess to make me want to enjoy or to put up with the pain. My dad told me he'll give me a dollar for every inch he can fit in me. It worked. I saw it as a way to make money. I become a prostitute for my own parents.

He couldn't fit immediately but I kept wanting him to get further so I can make more money. My mother would hold me or play with my chest or butt.

It took a couple years but I was finally able to fit him completely and he give me $10 dollars to make it a nice even number. I would go to throughout the day, just to make more money. I always got the cooler toys or games because I was getting over a $100 dollars a week. Not realizing how wrong it was, all I know it was a secret, a very big secret that my parents could die if I told anyone. I still haven't told anyone besides this and my therapist. They're living there life to the fullest right now. In a retirement complex in Florida.

All of that abuse, made me into a hypersexual teenager. When I was 16, I joined the lacrosse team in my high school. I had sex with some of the other girls in the team but I also went to boys team get together as well. Their was multiple times where I would have multiple partners. Not something a 16 girl should experience but I felt normal in it.

Wanting to get out of the house, because even still my parents would want to "have fun" with me even through I was 18. I left for the multiple. I wanted to join the navy but my uncle, who was clueless about my abuse at home warned me, heart to heart that I would more then likely be sexual abused if I join the army/navy or marines. So I join the air force. It didn't matter. I was still raped.

I was security forces, a Defender. Didn't matter. I was the barracks bunny. I was going to try to stay away from sex at all, because I was hoping to have a turn around in my life. But it's almost like I had a target on my back, to show I can be taken advantage of. After the first. Word got around that I was easy. So I fall back into the same head space I was before.

I served my contract. Near the end of it. I had a messup with my birth control. Being close to getting out. I bet my odds that I'll be fine. I wasn't. I got pregnant. Give birth to a beautiful girl, having no clue who the father is. I ask around, wanting to get DNA test done but no one wanted to be brother. I was toy they don't care about anymore.

So, here I am now. Hypersexual mother. Not being able to hold a relationship very long because I have trust issues with I'm going to therapy about. My daughter is older then the age I was when I first got abused. But like a running theme in my life. My past can't ever leave me, because I've started to have fantasies about being with my daughter. I've mentioned to my therapist and she reassured me that she knows me, that I would never harm my children and that it's something that could happened with my past.

So, here I am. I'm trying my best. To be my best for my daughter and I. Good luck to everyone out there, know you're not alone. I love you all, and thank for letting me get this off my chest

I was young the first time.

My dad had just gotten home from a long deployment overseas and our entire family was on pins and needles to have him back.

It didn’t occur to me then that he’d come back different, forever changed by all he went through in the time he was gone.

Like I said...I was young.

Too young to understand what he was doing that first time he left the bed he shared with my mother to sneak into mine.

Too young to understand why it felt so right and so good when it was, in his words, “nothing I could ever talk about” and “a secret safe with us.”

But I’m not young anymore, and I’m sorry Daddy, but I can’t keep going on keeping this secret.

So here it is, the truth in all its vile glory:

When I was eleven my father stole my innocence.

When I was fourteen, he brought my all-too-willing older brother into the fold, photographing us together for his own sick satisfaction.

And now, at nineteen, I’m not all that different than he was when he returned home from deployment:

Forever changed by all that happened to me...yet unable to escape the memory of it.

And as shameful as it is, maybe I don’t want to.

My uncle touched me from when I was 7 to 12 he lived with my family so he could babysit me when my mom was at work so on weekends and after school we would mess around and kiss and I would sit on his lap and move my hips it was a mutual thing. when it first happened yeah I was scared but then it felt good and I wanted more I feel like a piece of shit because everyone I know that has been sa’d says it ruined they’re life but I miss it I wish I would’ve let him do more to me but he never did anything I didn’t want him to do the worse thing he did to me was lick my privates

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so fucked up because as I am typing this out I'm so confused. Backstory my mom was out of town for her friends birthday weekend. It was just me and my dad at home and he said that I should invite some friends over to swim and that he would grill. I had like 10 people over and it was really fun and we were all drinking a lot and by the time everyone left I was so drunk so I showered and went to bed at like 7 pm. I guess my unconscious body just knew that it felt good but I woke up and I didn't know what was going on at first. I started to wake up more and I realized that my dad was between my legs licking me down there. If I'm being honest the first thing that I noticed was that it felt really good but then I realized that it was my dad. I think he knew that I was awake because he stopped licking me for a few seconds. I just pretended to still be asleep because I didn't know what to say and I also didn't want him to stop. After a little bit he started licking me again and he also put his fingers in me and he made me orgasam. And when I did I was loud and he knew that I was awake and I didn't know what to say but he sucked on his fingers that were in me and took my panties and left. I don't know if he did it because I was drunk and he thought I wouldn't remember but I don't know what to say.

When I (f)was 14 my brother(17) took advantage of me while we were at a family reunion. The worst part about it is I didn’t hate it, and I don’t hate him for it. I don’t know what I want from posting this other than to get it off of my chest.

My brother and I were never very close, and at this point in time we fought constantly. Sometime verbal arguments and sometimes physically wrestling each other. That summer I would say I had my first “glow up”, I got skinny and my waist got smaller, my braces came off, I figured out how to do my hair etc. my brothers friends looked at me a little differently when they came around and so I started dressing in a way that garnered more attention. My brother hated it. He always had some to say about my clothes and wanted me to cover up. He would call me a whore and tell me to stop shoving myself down his friends throats. This is important because apparently he wasn’t really mad, just jealous I guess???

Fast forward to the reunion, my brother and I had to share a room and in turn share the bed. On day one we decided we would take turns in the bed and in a pallet on the floor. We didnt say much too each other we just went to out own spaces and fell asleep. That first night I woke up in the middle of the night to the very faint sound of porn playing from my brothers phone. I pieced together what he was doing, and too disgusted to say anything I turned over and ignored it until he was done. The next night I went to sleep before him and didn’t hear anything. The third night the reunion was coming to a close and all of the adults were drunk. My aunt offered me a shot. I had never had anything to drink before, but she and my brother said that around family was the safest place to try. Everytime I finished one, another drink was placed in front of me. My brother watching the entire time. I can remember feeling like I couldn’t move my body very well and my vision blurring. I can also remember my aunt and cousins laughing at me “oh she’s fucked up”, and I felt really embarrassed about it.

Eventually someone said I needed to go lay down, I can remember hearing my brother offer to take me. As he helped me out of the main area and up the stairs, he whispered that this was exactly what he had been waiting for. His hands were so tight around me as we walked back to the room. I fell onto the bed, not quite awake and not all the way out. I remember him standing over me, smiling. He said I was a whore who liked to tease, and this is what whores get. He pulled my clothes off and started to lick me, one hand moved up to grab my chest. I tried to push him away but in my drunken state I was useless. He licked and licked and licked. I remember him saying something along the lines of how he knew this is what I wanted and that he was so glad he had the chance. The worst part is that I came, right there in his mouth, as he violated me. He pulled it out and stroked it as he looked at me. Still standing there, smiling. He flipped me over and I tried to crawl away. He got on top of me and penetrated me. I think I must have passed out after that because I can’t remember anything else.

I just know the next morning I was sore. I just know that my brother was weird around me after that and that I have a strange and sick fascination with incest porn and the idea of being used like that again. I hate myself for it. After that I was hyper sexual and out myself in really stupid positions. I’m scared it’s a high I’ll always chase. Sorry for the long story, but I needed it off of my chest.

My mother passed away when I was 7. My father wasn't around very much, he ran a company and seemed to always be away or out of town.

I was 8 when a babysitter/nanny started dressing me in little outfits and would put me to bed. Her husband would come in and get in bed with me usually after I was sleeping. It started with him just holding me and rubbing my back. After a few times of that he started rubbing lower and putting my hand on him. I started to definitely feel him getting aroused against me. I was absolutely terrified. It escalated very fast and it seemed that the more scared I was the more he liked it. I remember the morning after the first time he had intercourse with me. I was so sore and bleeding. I was crying and trying to think of a way to let Nita (nanny) know what was going on. But then she came in she came in with a wash rag and towel to clean me up. At that point I fealt like I was trapped there was no one to tell. Little did I know then that it was just the beginning.

Not long after my 9th birthday the outfits became more elaborate. When my father was out of town Nita would dress me as a girl daily. She seemed to really enjoy doting over me, like she was serving me to him. During that time Terry (the husband) became much more fatherly during the day and way more aggressive at night. The visits from him at night became way more frequent right to the business at hand. The night time outfits became more skimpy and always shear. When I look back I realize I was just being groomed for the future.

The next summer is when alot changed for me. My breasts always seemed to ache and feel swollen. The outfits were definitely risque to say the least. I seemed to be much more emotional. My hair was grown out to about shoulder length and she was putting makeup on me occasionally. Terry started being very Stern with me and it really upset me. The week of July 4th was life changing for me. They had a party at there house and Dad left me there. After the fireworks and most everyone had left. Nita took me inside, started doing my hair and makeup and then handed me a white corset, garters, thigh highs and heels with a robe. Terry and two of his friends came in and took me downstairs. Was was used to the point of exhaustion. After they finished he carried me upstairs and put me to bed like nothing happened kissing me on the forehead and saying sweet dreams. I will never forget. It haunts me to this day.

I did figure out one thing that night. I really was the one with the power. They liked and wanted me. After that I definitely started using that for all it was worth. I started dressing myself. I would get myself ready in anticipation of what was to follow. The group meetings became more frequent and occasionally with someone new. It was amazing now that I look back of how many of them were my dad's friends. They would come over to our house when dad was home like nothing happened. One in particular would touch me when he could and make me so uncomfortable. I was so afraid of my father finding out that sometimes I would go in my room and shake uncontrollably.

The year I turned 12 I started really looking forward to the ritual of getting ready for them. The sex fealt good and I was definitely proactive to say the least. Especially when I knew there was going to be other men involved. I started noticing Terry becoming almost jealous and being very abusive when it was just him. He would spank and degrade me too tears then console me before raping me. This went on fairly frequently until I was 14 almost 15. After that I would actually sneak out at night to meet some of the men that I had grown to really like. I look back and can't believe I was so brazen I was to dress up completely and sneak to the end of the road where they would pick me up. I would lie and say I was spending the night with a friend just to spend the night with them. At 17 I left home and joined the Navy.

That all seems like a lifetime ago. It has caused so many failed relationships including a marriage. I had tucked it away for along time. I'm finally trying to work through all of this shame, guilt and insanity.

Thank you for letting me air this out.

(Explicit TW)

This happened when i was 11 years old when i decided it would be better to go home after school since i was "a big girl now" (or so i thought) instead of just going to my mom's workplace like i usually did till then. Obviously my parents disagreed and said that i was way too young to stay alone at home like that But i didn't give up and i said it was the only time i got to watch tv before study time everyday. So after a little argument they obliged but they still didn't want me home alone so they asked my neighbour if he could babysit me for 2 hours till they got home and i agreed

My neighbour(38) was a guy who lived alone and was home most of the time and was also in good terms with my parents so it was basically a perfect fit. But we never interacted that much so i was a little annoyed at the fact that this guy was gonna babysit me.

So the first couple of weeks strated fine he just minded his own buisness on his laptop and i just watched tv till mom got home. But after a few months he gradually began to talk to me a lot more and i started sharing my school stories with him. So this is where things started to get a little wierd, one day he said we should take a bath together since i was really sweaty and he hadn't showered today. I felt a little weird but i agreed. So he undressed me fully in the shower and started rubbing soap all over me. Then he asked me weather i was good at cleaning my butt after i poop to which i replied yes but he said that he could see it was dirty and told me to get on all fours so he could clean it. He then proceeded to insert his finger in my butt which made me scream. But he calmed me down and continued with the cleaning. After that day he began molesting me every day. I remember not being allowed to wear anything in front of him and him dressing me up before my mom came home. When i turned 12 he started making me give blowjobs and rimjobs to him and he always came in my mouth and made me swallow his stuff. He started putting his penis in my butt and making me scream while he held mouth shut. He even bought a buttplug that i had to wear while i gave him a blowjob. And all of this is only just a small fraction of what he did to me. I was so scared but at the same time he always used kind words with me making me think that he was a genuinely a good person and i was a bad guy if i refused. The molestation stopped when he moved to a different state but this is the reason im still very hypersexual and have made quite a few dumb mistakes due to that. Sorry if my english is bad just had to get this out of my system

I just wanna get this off my chest as I've never spoken about this.

From a very young age (3? until 11) my dad would play "bath games" with me. At the time I loved it cause I was getting time with him not realizing what he was actually doing. He'd sit in the bath with me on his lap and "wash me" to make sure I was perfectly clean. He said that I needed my inside washed as well and that's when he'd rub my vulva and stick his fingers in my vagina and wash there. Something I didnt even bat an eye at. It then progressed to him having me sleep in his bed, he told me that I'd get bad dreams if I slept alone. He would spoon me and rock me back and forth on his bare penis to "help me fall asleep" I would feel him get hard in between my thighs and he always said that was because he was getting sleepy too. It made me feel very warm and relaxed. Again I didn't even think twice about it as I was so young and trusted everything he said. It didnt take long though for him to take my virginity. I will always remember how I actually felt uneasy when he was laying over me naked and poking me with his penis, once he started to push the head in was when I realized I didnt wanna cuddle like that but when I asked if I could sleep in my own bed he said "no you will get scary dreams and not be able to sleep all night. Let me just cuddle you and we can sleep soon ". I'll never forget how bad it hurt and ill never forget the noises he made and the gross things he said about "how good his little girl feels" and "daddy just needs to feel good" and “only naughty girls get this wet” I was only 10 at this point. But he always gave me oral afterwards to help me fall asleep and I had my first orgasm this way. This went on for awhile. I've never said details outloud but this was actually nice to finally get out even if its only over a post. I'm trying not to let it completely ruin me and just try to enjoy life now that I'm an adult but I struggle with hypersexuality a lot and would strip for men online from the age of 9.

“Only bad fucking girls like this feeling in their special parts. Remember it’s not supposed to tingle. Don’t be a bad girl” He always told me this over and over. He was on top of me with my legs spread. His finger was rubbing my clit in circles. I squeezed my eyes shut but he told me to open them and look at him. I was helpless. Then he told me he’s going to punish my special parts. And he started licking down there. He told me not to let it feel good and I really tried but eventually I came so hard on his tongue and I couldn’t hide it. I hate what he did to me

From the age of 4 and up I was groomed and sexually abused by my father. He was so fucking good at what he did. He allowed me to innocently explore and touch and feel and WANT more. I struggle with the shame knowing that it was me that kept asking for more. He rarely pushed me to do more than I was ready for. He was so sweet and loving, it was very confusing for my little brain. It still is.

I’m stuck in a shame spiral and my hyper sexuality is currently through the roof. Just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading..

I know it's messed up but there are often times I miss being that little girl and being naked with them. I miss the pleasure and stimulation they gave me. I miss just being with them.

I know this is a controversial post and I don't mean to offend anyone. I just needed to vent.

TW: incest, grooming, frank talk about my experiences.

My parents raised my sister and I (23f) as nudists. My mom was also raised as a nudist and introduced my dad to it when they met. They both loved the freedom and openness that nudism offered. Their nudism, however, also extended into swinging and they had a number of like-minded friends they got together with regularly. When we were very young, my sister and I would be around our parents and their friends- many of whom also had kids- quite often, and while we weren't exposed to the swinging we did see some touching between them.

Our parents never had sex in front of us but they didn't hide it from us, either. I remember seeing them having sex in their room (they always had the door open), and I remember my mom explaining to my sister and me that being nudists also meant being "open" around each other. Looking back, all of these things were clearly their first steps in grooming us.

When I was 8 and my sister was 9, our mom began having "girls' times" with us where on the pretext of explaining female things to us, she would molest us. I'll be perfectly honest, while it felt strange in the beginning it was also the first time I experienced that type of pleasure. I also instinctively knew that we had to keep it a family secret. Maybe six months after she started molesting us our dad joined in and soon they were molesting us together and making us do things with them. We were never forced but we were very much encouraged to be with them, and things became outright sexual among us.

As things progressed, there were so many conflicting feelings both my sister and I struggled with. We were getting drawn in by the pleasure but we also knew what our parents were doing with us was wrong, and at times we both struggled with some feelings of guilt and an occasional residual feeling of "ickiness" after we were with our parents. Over time, though, with more grooming and reinforcement by our parents, those feelings faded.

When we got older our parents slowly began bringing us into their group activities. That is to say, they began letting their friends molest us as well. By then, though, we were so well conditioned to feel there was nothing wrong with what we were doing, it was just stuff some families did. In time, we were fully inducted- or I should say indoctrinated- into the group activities, as were some of the kids from the other adults. My sister and I developed hyper sexuality and began initiating things between us, with our parents, and even with other adults. This continued for years.

If you knew us, you would not have suspected anything. Both my sister and I were stellar students, had normie friends, participated in sports and activities, our family was fairly affluent by middle class standards.

This may be controversial to say but I don't hate my parents. What they did was absolutely wrong. They are abusers and preyed on my sister and me, but I don't hate them. Nor do I feel particularly traumatized by what they did. I've been in a lot of therapy to dig into those experiences and unpack my feelings, and understand how they affected me.

I feel I've been able to move on and start a good life for myself, and I hope other survivors who have endured similar abuse can as well. Please know that you aren't alone, nothing was your fault, you did nothing wrong, and you will overcome.

Thanks for reading.

I keep replaying these memories in my head of when I was molested at 8. I’m 26F btw. I’ve posted my many experiences here before but I ended up deleting them. But I’m back on here again because lately I’ve been replaying my experiences in my head to get myself off.

2 main experiences I have happened with 1 man. They happened a short period of time apart from each other. He was my “step uncle” or something like that. But I was 8 and he was in his late 20s - early 30s. He was visiting from out of state and this was my first time meeting him. It happened one night, when my parents went to sleep he put a scary movie on for me, him, and my younger siblings. The younger siblings got bored so they ended up leaving to go play in another room and I was left there. They tried to come back but when they did he would shoo them off. He told me to grab a blanket and cover both of our laps with it. And I thought not much of it, until he reached over and started rubbing my vagina through the outside of my pjs. He asked me if it felt good and I told him yes and I kind of opened up a tiny bit for him but at that point I got scared. He asked me if I wanted him to stop and I said yes. He stopped, had this look on his face and told me I should go to bed. It made me feel bad because I thought I hurt his feelings so I went up to my room and cried.

The next day he avoided me and he made it obvious that he didn’t want to interact with me and it made me feel rejected. I felt terrible.. So later on that night he was in my brothers room playing with the other kids, and I noticed it was just him in there. Idk what possessed me to do this but I went to my room, found a pair of short but loose fitting shorts and put them on with no underwear. I went to the room where him and the other kids were sitting playing monopoly and I sat down in front of him. I asked him what he was playing and when he looked at me to respond I sat criss cross and exposed myself to him. Let me tell you the look of excitement on his face. He completely lit up. Big ol smile. He shooed the other kids out the room and reached over and with one finger pulled my leg hole open more so he can see everything. His mouth was literally watering and I heard him saw WOW. I just let him do it. But it didn’t last very long because the kids came back. He didn’t touch my vagina he just looked at it.

After that he left back home in a rush and didn’t even say goodbye just left. That kind of hurt me a little bit. Idk why I thought I was his little special love interest or something.

But those memories keep replaying in my head over and over. Sometimes it helps me get off. Sometimes I wish he would’ve done more..