32M / 33F – Married almost 6 years, together almost 9 years. I don’t know whether to stay or leave.
I’m really struggling with what to do, and I’d appreciate some honest outside perspectives.
My wife and I have been together for almost 9 years and married for nearly 6.
When we first got together, I was using cocaine pretty heavily. I lied about using it several times during the early years of our relationship. I eventually quit about two years into the relationship.
During those early years, I also made some pretty significant mistakes. There were several times I wouldn’t come home, wouldn’t answer her calls, and I even stood her up for a date once. She forgave me, and we eventually moved forward.
Fast-forward to getting married. We bought two dogs together, traveled, built a life, and both worked. I make more money than she does, but we share our finances. She drives a brand-new car, while I drive a couple of older paid-off vehicles.
We both wanted children. After a couple of failed semen analyses, I needed to see a doctor to figure out what was wrong. Unfortunately, I put it off, and about four months went by without me really doing anything about it.
During that time, my wife started growing distant. I noticed she was constantly hiding her phone and seemed annoyed by my presence.
We had a couple we were friends with and spent a lot of time together. Eventually, my buddy’s wife secretly recorded a 35-minute conversation with my wife in which my wife discussed an emotional affair she was having with a guy she knew from high school.
She had apparently developed this whole fantasy about leaving me, moving to LA with him, having his children, and living happily ever after.
Her friend told her that if she didn’t tell me about the affair, she would.
That night, my wife came clean. I was devastated. I left my phone and all my belongings at home and just walked down the road into the darkness. I honestly didn’t know what to do.
Afterward, she was extremely remorseful. She apologized and did everything she could to show me how sorry she was.
For whatever reason, we ended up having some of the best sex of our relationship for at least a month afterward.
Around that time, I also started TRT because my testosterone was extremely low. Before TRT, I had a relatively low sex drive. After starting it, my libido increased dramatically.
At one point, we were having sex 3–5 times a day. Eventually, she would ask if we could take a day off because she was sore. Our sex life was very different from what it had been before.
She also became more open to certain sexual things after the first affair, including oral sex, which had previously been pretty rare.
I decided to stay, and she started going to therapy. Unfortunately, she stopped after a couple of months because we didn’t have health insurance.
Fast-forward another two years.
Earlier this year, I finally went through a procedure called micro-TESE, where they surgically search the testicles for sperm. Unfortunately, the results confirmed that I’m completely infertile.
The surgery was in May, and it took me about three weeks to recover.
After recovering, we started taking our boat to the lake almost every weekend. My wife would frequently invite her friend (another friend couple), and the two of them would hang out constantly, drink, and smoke weed.
Her friend also had an OnlyFans account, and some of her lifestyle choices made me uncomfortable. I felt like she was a bad influence on my wife, especially when my wife would go over to her house and spend the entire day drinking.
I expressed my concerns to my wife several times. We fought about it repeatedly, but ultimately, nothing changed.
I should also mention that our marriage had been feeling disconnected for a while. I have a very high sex drive now, largely because of TRT, while my wife doesn’t seem to have nearly the same interest in sex.
There are still times when we enjoy each other’s company, laugh, cuddle, and have a good time together, but sometimes I feel like we’re just going through the motions.
Now, fast-forward to the present.
About three months ago, her friend randomly blocked my wife on all social media. My wife had no idea why.
Just last week, that same friend reached out to me on Facebook and told me that my wife had been having another emotional affair with a different man over the summer.
Apparently, her friend had become tired of constantly hearing my wife talk about this other guy, which was supposedly why she blocked her.
She also sent me several screenshots of conversations between her and my wife. In those messages, my wife talked about how badly she wanted this guy, how guilty she felt, but how she still wanted him anyway.
I confronted my wife and told her I wanted a divorce.
Her birthday was only two days away, and I initially wanted to wait so she could enjoy it. But I couldn’t keep it inside any longer, so I told her.
She had taken the entire week off for her birthday and essentially spent the days leading up to it crying.
I still gave her the birthday presents I’d bought. I still took her out to breakfast and spent the day with her.
And, surprisingly, the great sex is back again. Not entirely unexpected, considering what happened after the first affair.
She’s begging me to stay and give her another chance.
She’s been cuddling with me on the couch, showing affection, and telling me she can’t live without me. Even though she’s been crying and is understandably upset, we’ve become physically intimate again.
I have an extremely high sex drive, and part of me genuinely enjoys the closeness. But I also recognize that sex doesn’t necessarily mean our marriage is getting better.
Something else that’s been bothering me is that before discovering this second affair, I was constantly worried she was talking to other men.
I would bring up my concerns, but she would get extremely defensive, and somehow the arguments would always end with me apologizing.
Now that I know there really was another emotional affair, I’m struggling with the fact that my concerns were dismissed for so long.
I still love and care about her. I’ve told her I’m willing to try marriage counseling, and I want her to start individual therapy again.
But I honestly don’t know what to do.
We just moved into a new house and finally got settled. We have a lot of debt together, two dogs, and almost nine years of history.
I know I wasn’t a perfect husband, especially in the early years of our relationship. I made mistakes, struggled with addiction, lied, and hurt her. I’ve worked hard to move forward from that, and I understand that those things affected our relationship.
But I’m struggling with the fact that this is now the second time she’s developed feelings for another man and entertained the idea of being with someone else.
Sometimes I wonder whether she’s afraid of losing ME or whether she’s afraid of losing the life we’ve built together. During arguments, she’s even told me that she had a life before me, which makes me question things.
I’m terrified of losing my wife, but I’m also terrified of staying and spending the rest of my life wondering whether she’s talking to someone else.
I don’t know if I’ll ever fully trust her again.
My questions are:

1. Can a marriage actually recover from repeated emotional affairs?

2. Am I making a mistake by considering giving her another chance?

3. How do you rebuild trust when you’ve spent so much time questioning your spouse’s loyalty?

4. Has anyone gone through something similar and actually come out with a stronger marriage?
   I’m not looking for people to simply tell me to divorce her or stay with her. I’d genuinely appreciate honest perspectives, especially from people who have experienced something similar.
   Thanks for reading.

Title: My husband of 14 years left, found someone else, and says he’s happier without me. Is there really no hope?
I’m 46F, and my husband (40M) and I have been married for 14 years. We’ve been separated for over a year, and we’re now going through a divorce that I desperately don’t want.
I want to be fair and acknowledge that I contributed to the breakdown of our marriage. Over time, we became more like roommates. Intimacy disappeared, communication suffered, and I struggled with financial responsibilities and following through on things I promised to change. He had expressed his unhappiness before, and I didn’t make the changes quickly enough. I take responsibility for that, and it’s something I deeply regret.
But I never stopped loving him.
After he left, he became involved with another woman, whom I’ll call Emily. There have been inconsistencies in what he’s told me about their relationship and when it started. I have suspicions that she may have been involved before our separation, but I don’t have proof.
For months, I’ve been trying to show him that I’ve genuinely changed. I’ve been working on myself, taking responsibility for my mistakes, and trying to become the partner I should have been years ago.
Today, I saw him in person for the first time in over a year.
I cried the moment I saw him. We hugged several times, talked about our marriage, and I told him how much I still love him and that I’d be willing to do counseling, take things slowly, or do whatever it took to rebuild our relationship.
He acknowledged that he could see changes in me.
But he also told me that since leaving, he’s been happier mentally and hasn’t experienced the same stress he felt during our marriage. He says he’s not willing to reconsider the divorce.
He has mentioned that maybe someday our paths could cross again, but right now he’s continuing with the divorce and his relationship with Emily.
What hurts most is knowing that I finally understand where I went wrong, and I’m willing to put in the work, but he no longer wants to.
I know I can’t force someone to love me or give our marriage another chance. I also know that my changes don’t erase years of unhappiness.
But after 14 years together, it’s devastating to feel like the person I still consider the love of my life has decided there’s nothing left worth saving.
I’m looking for honest opinions, especially from people who have been through something similar.
Has anyone ever genuinely reconciled after a separation this long, especially when another person was involved?
Is there anything meaningful I can do at this point, or am I holding on to something that’s already gone?
And for those who were the spouse who left: Did you ever reconsider after seeing real changes in your partner?
Please be honest, but kind. I’m having a really difficult time with this.
There’s another part of this that I’m struggling with, and I’m not particularly proud of it.
I’m feeling an incredible amount of anger and resentment toward Emily. Sometimes that anger turns into thoughts of revenge. I feel like she’s living the life I was supposed to have with my husband, while I’m left grieving a marriage I desperately wanted to save.
I realize my husband made his own choices, and I know I can’t place all the blame on her. But knowing he’s choosing a future with her while I’m still struggling to accept the end of ours is incredibly painful.
Part of me wants her to experience even a fraction of the hurt I’m feeling. Another part of me knows that acting out of anger isn’t going to bring my marriage back or make me feel better in the long run.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of anger toward the person their spouse moved on with? How did you deal with the desire for revenge? Did those feelings eventually fade, or did something help you let go?
I’m genuinely looking for honest perspectives, even if they’re difficult to hear.

Anyone else ever have that moment when your suspicions of them cheating are confirmed? You realise all the questionable actions with other men or women, depending on your sexuality, they had, probably culminated in them making out or having sex with said person they mentioned in passing!?

I’m 32F and I’m absolutely heartbroken. I honestly don’t know what to think or where to go from here, so I’m hoping to hear from people who have experienced something similar.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for around three years, although our relationship hasn’t always been straightforward. We’ve had our ups and downs, and for quite a while I’ve felt that something was missing.

He works away often and I’ve never been worried about cheating, we stay in regular contact and because I travel for work too this is the norm for us.
Last night he came home late, and for the first time ever I felt compelled to look at his phone. I found messages in his archived conversations with a woman saved under initials. Lots of flirty messages back and forwards and looks like they were also using some kind of scrabble app?

They had been working together, but there were also plans for him to meet her next Tuesday asking if he could stay over at hers. He had told me he was going to be in a different location completely, which now makes me question whether that was actually an excuse to see her.

When I confronted him, he said it was all about feeding his ego and that nothing had happened.
I don’t know whether to believe him. The messages were hidden, and the plans to meet were there. I’ve also found her on social media and discovered she has a boyfriend too.

I’m devastated. I can’t stop thinking about how long this has been happening, what he has told her about me, whether he was planning to cheat physically, and how I could have trusted someone so completely without knowing this was going on.

The saddest thing is that I feel like the relationship will never be the same again. Even if he says nothing physical happened, the trust has gone.
I also feel like I’ve lost the person I thought he was. I used to feel safe with him in that respect, and now I’m questioning everything.

Part of me is heartbroken because I still love him and remember all the good times. Another part of me knows I’ve been unhappy and perhaps this is the final thing that makes me realise I need to leave.

I feel completely broken and would really appreciate honest advice, particularly from anyone who has been through something similar.

Hi everybody, I have been with my girlfriend for nearly two years, having started dating in early 2025. Over this period, our relationship has been exceptional; we have generally gotten along well, similar views in terms of how we want to live our lives, aligned financial habits and goals, avoiding major conflicts or arguments, and when disagreements arose, we discussed them calmly—something I truly valued.

One persistent issue involved our different backgrounds: I am Buddhist and she is Protestant, which created underlying tension, including with her parents. They truly believed that the different religions would result in me not being able to embody their values and thus potentially create conflicts down the road.

Last night, I discovered on my girlfriend’s Telegram account that she had been sexting a former Hinge match just a month ago in October.

She explained that they matched on Hinge in 2024 but never met; they exchanged a few sexting episodes before gradually ending contact.

This latest exchange began when the man messaged her unexpectedly while she was on an overseas business trip. Their conversation resumed and led to the sexting incident.

I read the full exchange, which mostly featured him expressing a desire to make love to her and sending five images and videos of his genitals.

Unfortunately, my girlfriend also flirted and encouraged him; both were physically pleasuring themselves during the exchange, to the point where she asked him to send more videos of himself and his genitals.

EDIT: But thankfully she did not send him ANY images of herself.

After finding out by accident, I spoke calmly with her. She was honest, her account matched what I read, and she apologized profusely.She described this as a kink involving control while others pleasure themselves. (She had previously told me that hearing about others’ sexual encounters was one of her kinks. So this was nothing new to me) She also stated she felt no emotion during the sexting, comparing it to teasing someone on Omegle.

I am deeply disappointed because:

1. She honestly thought at the point in time, that this was acceptable just because she felt no emotions towards him.

2. I believed she upheld a high standard, particularly since her family and she treated the Christian faith seriously and often spoke of Christian values while hoping I would convert.

3. I was texting her at the same time she was sexting another person, and she chose not to reply me, but was consistently sexting the other dude.

4.I truly love her; before this, I was ready to compromise on many parts of our relationship and future family goals, including religious matters.

I am unsure what to do next. On one side, I see a rare chance to be with someone I connect with so well. On the other side, I feel betrayed and cannot stop thinking about their disgusting conversation.

I also understand that everyone makes mistakes, and everyone should have a second chance to redeem themselves. So why should I not give her a second chance?

For those out there who had more experience dealing with these scenarios or managing relationships, could yall please provide me with some thoughts and advice?

Much thanks,
A heart broken brother.

My fiancé (28M) and I (24F) have been together for 1.5 years, and we’re currently in a long distance relationship. I recently discovered through his emails that he’s been spending money on adult livestreaming sites. He’s spent around $4,000 in just the last 6 to 7 months.
He only uses these sites when we’re physically apart. But even when he was visiting me, if he had to leave for just two days for a conference, he would still use them.
From what he explained, he doesn’t interact with the same person repeatedly. He finds someone, makes a request, spends a few minutes on the site, and leaves. He says there’s no emotional connection and describes it as almost like interacting with AI.
When I confronted him, he acknowledged that his use of these sites had become an addiction. He was genuinely remorseful, took responsibility, and promised to stop completely.
I believe him when he says he’ll stop. He’s genuinely a sweet, caring, and understanding person, and I don’t want to paint him as a bad partner. I love him, and I trust that he regrets what happened.
But I’m still really hurt. Spending $4,000 in such a short period feels like a lot, and knowing he was doing this whenever we were apart, even for just two days, makes it harder to process.
I don’t want to leave him, and I genuinely want to work through this. But I feel betrayed, even though I believe he’s sorry.
Has anyone been in a similar situation where their partner acknowledged having a problem and genuinely wanted to change? Were they able to stop? How did you rebuild trust and move past the hurt?

Hey y'all, I don't post a lot but this one needed your opinions.

She's currently in Taiwan for an internship, where she met a guy (27M) who's doing his master's there. He's already in a long-distance relationship, and his girlfriend lives in another country. Over time, my friend and this guy became quite close. They started spending time together, going on walks, talking a lot and enjoying each other's company. Eventually, my friend developed a crush on him.

The first time they kissed, it was actually the guy who initiated it, and she was okay with it. Since then, they've kissed multiple times. Things have also become somewhat physical. They've undressed each other to the point where they've both been in their underwear while kissing, but they haven't had sex or been completely naked together. The guy has asked her two or three times if she'd be interested in having sex, but she's refused, and he's respected her decision.

The complicated part is that he already has a girlfriend, who knows absolutely nothing about what's happening. He has no intention of breaking up with her. I don't know whether he genuinely has romantic feelings for my friend or whether it's primarily physical attraction and companionship, but he has clearly participated in taking things beyond friendship.

My friend has already told him that they should stop doing this, and he agreed. Both of them have expressed regret about what happened. However, whenever they meet again, go for walks or spend time talking, they enjoy each other's company and eventually end up kissing again. This has happened multiple times despite their agreement. My friend is genuinely trying her best to avoid getting romantic with him and resisting the temptation to kiss him, but she's finding it difficult.

Another important thing is that this guy has become her closest companion in Taiwan. She's away from home for her internship and doesn't really have anyone else there she's equally comfortable with. There are other people she knows, but nobody she's as close to as him. He's someone she can talk to, socialise with and spend time with. I'm also someone she talks to, but I'm not physically there with her. She has told me that completely cutting contact with him is something she cannot imagine doing. She wants him to remain in her life as a friend.

At the same time, she doesn't actually want a relationship with him. She has told me that although she has a crush on him, she doesn't consider him a suitable boyfriend, let alone someone she'd want to marry. She understands that having feelings for someone doesn't necessarily mean they're compatible.

There's also something worth mentioning: once her internship ends, she'll most likely return to her home country, and they probably won't see each other again in person. The guy is pursuing his master's, so their circumstances will naturally take them in different directions. This makes me wonder whether the situation is partly intensified by the fact that they're spending so much time together right now, knowing that this phase of their lives is temporary.

What I'm struggling to understand is whether she should continue meeting him or temporarily distance herself. I initially told her that there's no reason to completely cut him off if she genuinely wants him as a friend. But considering that they've repeatedly failed to maintain their boundaries whenever they meet, I'm beginning to question whether that's good advice.

I don't want to tell her to block him or lose someone who's become important to her, especially when she's already away from home. But continuing exactly as things are clearly isn't working either. I also think the guy needs to take responsibility for his actions because he has a girlfriend who's completely unaware of all this.

What would you suggest she do?

1. Should she continue meeting him, or avoid one-on-one meetings for the time being?

2. Is it realistically possible to maintain a platonic friendship with someone you're attracted to and have already been physically intimate with?

3. Can they eventually return to being normal friends if they establish proper boundaries?

4. How can she manage her feelings without losing her closest companion in Taiwan?

5. Considering that they'll probably go their separate ways after her internship, should she approach this differently?

TL;DR: My 21F friend, who's currently in Taiwan for an internship, developed a crush on a 27M guy who's doing his master's there and already has a long-distance girlfriend living in another country. Despite knowing he's taken, they became close, kissed multiple times, and even undressed down to their underwear while kissing, although they've never had sex. He's asked her for sex a few times, but she's refused and he's respected her boundaries. Both have expressed regret and agreed to stop, but whenever they meet, they enjoy each other's company and end up kissing again. His girlfriend has no idea about any of this, and he has no intention of leaving her. My friend doesn't actually want a relationship with him and knows they're not compatible; she just wants to remain friends because he's become her closest companion in Taiwan and she doesn't want to lose that connection. Once her internship ends, she'll return home, and they probably won't meet again since he's pursuing his master's there. She's genuinely trying to control her feelings and stop things from becoming physical, but is struggling. Should she continue meeting him as a friend, temporarily distance herself, or cut contact altogether? Is a normal friendship realistically possible in this situation?

TL;DR for TL;DR : My 21F friend developed a crush on a 27M guy in Taiwan who's already in a long-distance relationship. They've kissed multiple times and become physically intimate (but haven't had sex). Both regret it and have agreed to stop, but keep repeating the same behaviour whenever they meet. She doesn't want a relationship with him, just his friendship, as he's her closest companion there. His girlfriend knows nothing about this. They'll probably go their separate ways once her internship ends. Should she continue meeting him, distance herself temporarily, or cut contact? Can they realistically remain just friends?

Hey guys 23m here after being cheated on I have been so insecure about myself. I know I’m a decent looking guy lol, but it’s been about 2 months and I just feel like I’m never going to find another woman who thinks I’m attractive or wants to have a relationship with me. How does one deal with these feelings or can you even?

I just found out my (49F) husband (54M) has had a physical affair over the past month. I discovered an emotional affair/texts and calls with the same woman from December to March. He cut it off and they reconnected last month and have had sex twice. I left my job (with his encouragement) in January to start my own business which is profitable, but barely. I feel so angry and sad and stuck. I am absolutely climbing the walls. I want him out of my sight but I don't want him to leave. I feel like a crazy person.

I (26F) admit that I was a toxic girlfriend and I am often not understanding, which I fully acknowledge and willing to change. After my bf (25M) passed away, I found out he was pursuing his co-worker who was younger, prettier, and kinder than me - she is like every guy’s dream. I on the other hand is more laid back and chill. However, after I just had my surgery I became more irritable, angry and irrational to which I am sorry for. Our relationship took a downturn so I asked him if we could break up because I wasn’t emotionally well to be in a relationship. (Btw, we have been together for 7 years) He would beg me not to break up with him and often make lies just to keep me. I felt bad so I stayed with him.

After he passed away, I found out he was already trying to convert to her religion and was really pushing himself so she would eventually like him back, even asks her to go on a date with him to which she declines. I’d say he was willing to move mountains just to win her. I also read his messages with his friend where he sexualized her a lot and acted as though she was the one flirting with him.

I am still wondering if I am the reason why he cheated or he is just an insecure man.

i know with time itll go away and i wont think about him as much, but we've been radio silent for a week (he was consistently reaching out before trying to talk to me) and my biggest fear is he will find someone new and just completely forget about me and live an amazing life. i dont think he ever really loved me either. i think i was just a convenience for him. after he left me with all this trauma i want him to suffer for life. but he wont. and he probably isnt now either. just having the time of his life.

It’s been a year since I found out, and the pain still feels as fresh as it did that day. For anyone who’s been through something similar, what helped you cope with the pain? How did you decide whether to try rebuilding trust or leave?

My wife (47f) and I (41m) have been together since 2006. We have been married since 2015 and have two children together. About 15 years ago she lost her job and started bartending at a local hole in the wall bar. Almost immediately she was receiving flirty and inappropriate texts from men and she was indulging in them. She denied and said they were just friends 🙄 I have always been head over heels in love with her and I believed her. Then it happened again and this time I had reason to believe she was lying about being at work and where she was going and who she was with. She even went out of town for an “Avon convention” a couple times and I believe she was with a man but even until this day she denies it. Fast forward 5 years and we are engaged and have a young son together. I believe it was a little after we got married I saw things on her phone after I became suspicious of her behavior. She was opening up to a friend about some guy I’ve never heard of and said “I can’t believe he came in the bar with his ex gf! How could he do that to me!” But there was no other context and I let it go like usual. Similar situations like this would happen over the years. I’d see flirty Facebook messages but not overtly sexual or anything that was concrete evidence of cheating. I even have seen her talk to guys about how drunk they got together at some party one of her girlfriends had at her house and always with the emojis with certain guys ❤️😘😉 you know 🙄. Everytime I call her out it’s flat out denial and they are just friends. In the last 5 years I got a really good job making a lot of money and we have been great, amazing sex life, and we are best friends so I thought. I haven’t suspected anything until recently when I opened her laptop and saw FB messenger app open with the first message from a guy. The message was about meeting for a drink after work at 5pm at a local bar. Naturally I snoop and see a couple year slightly flirty conversation. She said “love you always!” To him one time and he called her his “girl” and I saw her inviting him to her friends bbq she went to and lied about who was there. The next day they talked about how much fun it was last night and they should do it every month. Around the same time she told me she was planning on having a party at her friends house monthly, anyway the day they were to meet she told me she was stopping at the bar to see her friend the bartender there, no mention of him. I told her I wanted to stop by and she agreed. I was in the parking lot and she text me she wasn’t going to make it and I should come home. So I start accusing her of meeting someone there and she denies over and over until I tell her I knew about it. She did the he’s only a friend thing and blah blah blah. She won’t come clean about anything and is acting like everything is okay. I’m sorry for the long story but I need help I don’t know what to do. It’s killing me inside not knowing the whole truth and she won’t tell me. Should I file for divorce??

We met online, where he accused me of cheating, and argued with me over not wanting to be sexual. During a time we were broken up, he met and was with his ex. He told me he didn’t intend to get into a relationship, that she threw herself at him, and he didn’t want to reject her. He said he wasn’t fully attracted to her due to her weight, but slept with her to avoid hurting her feelings, and that he struggled during it. He told me he broke up with her because he wasn’t over me. He claimed she slandered him and called her crazy. Shortly after that, he met his former friend online, and in person. He told me she made advances on him which he turned down, because he still had feelings for me.

He continued to argue with me over not being sexual and made me feel pressured to be. After that, many of our conversations were sexual. He told me he was too depressed to talk but messaged to talk sexually. He had a fantasy of me being with other men, and wanted me to talk about my few experiences with other guys. I was overweight, and had other issues, which he said he didn’t mind. I lost weight before we met, and was close to a healthy weight once we did. He rejected me, shamed me for trying anything, and told me he said online he wouldn’t be the same way in person. He avoided holding hands in public, and other things he said he wanted to do online, and told me he disliked PDA.

I believed he was embarrassed of me and he assured me that wasn’t true. I lost more weight and he came onto me, but it felt forced, with him focusing on fantasy of me being with other men or being a s*ut. I spoke to his ex and she told me he said he’d two time. He said she was lying to make him look bad. For a year he turned me down frequently, and did and said things, that made me feel unwanted, whilst insisting he was attracted to me. He broke down and told me he had OCD about not finding me attractive. He started meds he said killed his libido after that. He asked me, when I walked ahead of him and next to some guy, if I was trying to appear single.

I lost more weight and he showed more interest, telling me if I looked the way I did then when we met he would’ve been all over me. He also did PDA. He claimed his libido was low a lot of the time but I caught him looking at porn, which he denied, and then said was to test himself. He tried to get me to sext a random guy and said he wasn’t serious after I refused. I started to suspect he was cheating. He turned me down still, including in lingerie, and went soft on me. Yet, he posted photos of me, posing as me, asking what other guys would do to me.

He briefly spoke sexually to one of them and said it was because the guy was married, and he wanted to out him. I began to question if he was cheating. He called me paranoid and crazy, told me I was the type to cheat, and that I’d do so thinking he had. He snooped on my phone but slapped my hand away from his. He questioned me if I did any of what he was doing, like staying in the bathroom a long time, asking me if I was talking to someone. He acted like he had less of a reason to trust me, because I downloaded dating apps during arguments. Arguments in which he was putting me down, threatening me, and telling me he didn’t love me.

I did it to bother him. But instead of bothering him, he was turned on by it, asking me how many likes I received. For years he questioned me, snooped on my phone, but called me confirming and abusive when I questioned him. Though he acknowledged a lot of what he did was suspicious. He told me he felt asexual sometimes, and had no libido, and then I’d catch him ogling other women, which he denied. I found him in subs for sharing nudes of your partner. He’d go off to other rooms during arguments, most of which he caused, and would tell me he already took care of himself. He claimed he did it to pictures of me.

During a time he w*ore shamed me over how I dressed, he showed more interest. And though he later said he didn’t rust me, he told me guys were hitting on me and checking me out. He would go months not snooping, not questioning, and told me he trusted me and didn’t think I’d cheat. I regained weight and he showed less interest, blaming meds, telling me it had nothing to do with my weight and never did. He started to insult me in arguments over it, telling me I let myself go, calling me fat and ugly, and saying guys prefer thinner women.

He said he didn’t mean it and only said it to hurt me. But as time went on, he showed less interest, even after he switched meds more than once to ones that weren’t meant to impact libido as much. He told me that they still did. As time went on, he wanted more and more space, going off to other rooms, and staying up after I went to bed. I wondered if he was cheating or watching porn. He denied both. He seemed to only come onto me when I was dressed in revealing clothes. Which he also did when I was smaller, telling me it took extra on the meds sometimes. He started a class a few years ago, which he is still in. He became more concerned about his appearance after that.

He started to work out. He started to act on edge in public, wanting to avoid places, blaming it on anxiety. He seemed fine going in alone. I noticed him cover his face, walk off from me, and go silent around women, both locally and in the city hours away. We went to America, where he acted shady, and stopped wearing his ring. He said it was too tight. He promised we’d go more places once back. That didn’t happen. He continued to not wear his ring, becoming defensive when I mentioned it. He bought new clothes after telling me someone commented on the jacket he wore a lot. I learned it was a woman, after he complained about her to me.

He also bought under-eye cream for bags he never cared much about, and said he was influenced by a video on aging. He told me he didn’t talk to the women in his class much, but multiple things contradicted this, and I questioned them. He called me controlling and went off at me. He accused me of being upset that he was talking to women. He denied doing something with one of them, who I hadn’t named or accused him of doing anything with, and told me he’d message her and make me look crazy. I reached for his phone and he twisted my finger. He apologised and said he felt accused.

He kept coming out of class late, when only one other female student was there (the one he had the issues with) or no one was there. He was adjusting his crotch one time and denied it. He seemed uncomfortable with me using his phone, looking back at the screen repeatedly. He denied anything was on it and said I could keep it for a week if I wanted. Heart eye and flirtatious emojis appeared in his recently used and he said he clicked them accidentally, before I noticed them. He didn’t want me leaving scratches on his back when giving him a back massage. He switched medications, to one that is supposed to impact libido less.

He said he was experiencing withdrawals from his other meds, initially. And was very specific about when his libido would be back, telling me four days one time, and that it was an estimate. Since then he’s shown less interest, and has given various reasons why. He hasn’t seemed to care about it. Rather he defends it, and says it’s an average amount of time, and that I am making a big deal out of nothing, when we used to do it a lot more. He is inconsistent in that he touches me and then he doesn’t. For years he didn’t do foreplay and blamed nerves.

He didn’t do oral or use a toy until this past year, after telling me he disliked oral, and refusing to use the toy on me when I asked. He had a random spike in libido last Christmas and used it. At the time he was asking me where I got it and asking about my perfume. In combination with staying up after I went to bed, and acting more on edge in public after seeming okay for a while. He doesn’t seem to want to find a solution. Which makes me think it’s either that he isn’t interested, is cheating, or is watching porn. I noticed that when he’s in class, his libido drops off. When he’s on a break, it comes back.

Lately he’s been telling me he needs to download Reddit, because it won’t let him read posts he is clicking on. I don’t know why he is announcing that to me. It’s like he wants to accept that’s the reason, to avoid me thinking it’s something else, like him wanting to go on the subs he was once on. He often asks how he would hide something on his phone, when I have access to it, and told me recently it would be impossible.

I'm struggling after atypical behavior last Tuesday, trying to figure out if it's just my intrusive thoughts or if there is substance supporting a 'gut feel'. Will try to be brief and concise starting with key events then background at the end.

-Wife is at a work conference and was excited to meet old friends and go to an iconic party. Texted early evening that she was going for dinner, then nothing until 1:00AM saying she was in hotel room, going to sleep. This is unusual because we talk EVERY NIGHT when she's out of town, regardless of how late she's out.

-Every morning she texts me to say good morning. Not 100% when she's traveling but for this trip it was every single day except Wednesday - potentially 'the morning after'.

- We took a trip for our anniversary 2 months ago. We brought a vibrator since I wanted to make sure she reached orgasm - she did and then cried right after. She said it was OK and we should continue.

- Following a different work trip 4 months ago, she randomly used the term 'bareback' the day she got back. It was about me not using a baking sheet liner to cook vegetables in the oven. It really stood out as a highly unusual word with very distinct meaning, used slightly out of context.

- We have ongoing intimacy issues. We are consistently friendly and amicable, but many times I feel like I got put in the friend zone. Sex seems like a duty or obligation for her. We occasionally have pleasure sessions but they are quite scarce due to young children and, more recently, work stress.

I'm really struggling with the behavior last night, in part because of the individual incident and also because of this collection of recent history. Very early in our relationship she said 'if you cheat, you take it to your grave' so I really don't know if she'd tell me. There are several plausible scenarios that range from 'catching up with friends' to 'getting some strange in the hotel' and I'm trying to figure out if I need to blindly trust or open my eyes to another reality.

:|

My question is at the bottom but please take the time to read this, I don't have anyone else to comfort me.

Characters:

Me (male) , him, the girl

We are both male so I'm sorry if homosexual stuffs isn't welcomed here.

Three years ago we started dating but I wanted to break up since at THAT TIME, I didn't know that it's okay to have a life with another guy. For the better of us.

So the past 2.5 years I was just in loneliness, since I don't have many friends.

Now this year, a tragic incident happened that made us closer. Basically I wanted to know that he's safe.

We continued talking after that. And he started flirting again, and I bought it.

So we talked and got back together again. We went on like 4 dates at places. I was so happy.

But a while after that, I felt that way again.

The feeling that this might not work, so I took my time and efforts to make this work by researching, talking and stuffs.

I did that until I found an answer that I am happy with and thought that he would be happy too.

But that left me very mentally exhausted, so I kept telling him I love and miss him so much. It actually hurts btw.

But he kept being avoidant, that was why it hurts.

One day I was playing a game then he voice called me.

He told me that he is sorry, at this point I already knew.

How did I know?

When we were still in talking stage,

He mentioned that he got a new girlfriend, but then they broke up after a week cuz she's crazy.

Now remember that girl.

Even while we're dating he once told me that he has that feeling of liking her for a brief moment, I thought that was normal so I let it it pass. But it still hurts to think that.

Now, the day he called me he told me that he doesn't deserve to be in a relationship and needed a break.

And he added that us, BIOLOGICALLY can't have a family.

Literally the same defense he brought up when I wanted to break up, not that is the same offense he used against our relationship.

I don't know why I agreed but I wanted to best for him and wanted to make him happy. So I said I understood and let him go.

This is probably the problem, I love him so much that I would literally not defend our relationship jus to get what he wanted.

To add to my grief, he told me that for the past 10 days he has been having feelings for and was going out with her.

The day we broke up but before the call, he posted an IG story of tarot cards. I didn't know what that means until the call and he said that he was reading the girl and the card says she is obsessed. Huh.

Low-key I want us back together but afraid we're going to encounter something like this again. This was my first break up and I deserve it for hurting him like I did.

But I feel this is unfair since he is LITERALLY CHEATING and I WAS NOT.

Alright, since I have to move on and to accept that I'll never get back with him again.

How? And how long will I take to recover from this wound?

Sorry If I sounded immature, I really am.

I've known this girl for 11 years, and she was my best friend before we got into a relationship. What started as a one-night stand eventually turned into something more. I don't know exactly when, but I started developing feelings for her.

However, around that time, I found out that she had gone out and slept with someone else. I wasn't prepared to accept that, and it hurt me deeply. I ended up blocking her for two months. She tried reaching out to me during that time, but I didn't respond.

Eventually, I couldn't control my feelings anymore, so I admitted that I had feelings for her. We started our relationship, but deep down, what had happened earlier was still bothering me. Sometimes, during arguments, I would bring up that incident, even though I was trying to move past it.

Things eventually got better, and we had some really good moments together. However, we also used to fight quite frequently over different things.

About four months ago, we had another argument while we were on our way to a park. I was frustrated and mentally exhausted because it felt like we were constantly fighting over something. I reached a point where I just wanted some peace, so I stopped contacting her and started ignoring her.

For almost four months, I didn't reach out to her.

During this period, I eventually found out that she had slept with someone else again. This time, I became extremely angry. I sent her some really disrespectful messages, and I regret the way I spoke to her.

But there's something else that makes this situation even more confusing for me.

During those four months, she wasn't doing well health-wise. I went to her house and helped her with household chores because I still cared about her. However, we weren't really communicating. I was waiting for her to initiate a conversation or reach out to me, but that never really happened.

Now, I genuinely feel like I've lost someone who was not just my girlfriend but also my best friend of 11 years.

I have so many questions running through my mind.

• Did she ever genuinely have emotional feelings for me?

• If she really loved me, how could she sleep with someone else within just four months?

• Did she move on that easily, or was our relationship never as meaningful to her as it was to me?

• Was I wrong to expect her to reach out when I was the one who stopped communicating?

• Is there any point in trying to fix things, or should I accept that this chapter of my life is over?

I'm not trying to portray myself as innocent here. I know I made mistakes too. I ignored her for months, held on to past resentment, and eventually said things I shouldn't have.

But I'm genuinely confused and hurt. I don't know whether I'm missing her, regretting my decisions, or struggling to accept that someone I've known for 11 years might no longer be part of my life.

I would genuinely appreciate some honest advice, especially from people who have experienced something similar.

Merko suitaship se bhar nikalna h

I will be using purposefully vague and careful language because my post has been removed by reddit filters (not sure why, better safe than sorry).

There is a case that many podcasts I listen to are discussing. In this case, a woman was m*rdered by her husband who was having an affair.

During the trial, texts between the husband and mistress were examined and read in court. I made it through one half of a podcast before having an absolute panic attack and getting triggered badly. I understand that my triggers are my responsibility and I turned off the podcast but it has been bothering me.

The mistress and husband were triangulated against the wife, calling her names like d0uche and talking about how hated she was. Meanwhile, the wife was just going along her happy merry way and had no idea how much hatred was spewed her way.

My ex wife had an affair with a mutual friend / coworker and by the time I found out, their behavior towards me was so cruel and awful, it made me consider perhaps they were triangulated against me. Like they literally stepped over my crying body on the floor after I found out I had to have surgery to biopsy a mass on my ovary (everything is fine!)... among other cruelty. They must have just hated the crap out of me.

While they were having their affair, I absolutely know that the mistress was jealous of me; but at the time I thought she was just curious. I am a conventionally attractive very femme lesbian, and I thought her hard stares and odd behavior was just curiosity and maybe a pinch of homophobia. Nope. She was sleeping with my wife.

Anyways .. they didn't k*ll me, but it's bothering the crud out of me and I just wonder if there's anyone who can empathize.

I’m honestly devastated and don’t even know what to think anymore.
I’ve been talking to this man for almost SIX YEARS. We live in different countries, and distance and political circumstances have prevented us from meeting in real life. But we talk EVERY DAY. We’ve built a deep emotional connection, shared so much of our lives, and even had sexual intimacy over FaceTime.
We were finally getting close to meeting in person, and then I found out he’s MARRIED.
I feel lost. Were these six years just a lie? Was I unknowingly the other woman? Does his wife know about me?
I know we never physically met, but does that mean he wasn’t cheating? Would you consider this an emotional and sexual affair?
Should I tell his wife? Would you want to know if you were her?
I genuinely don’t know what to do. I’m heartbroken and could really use some honest advice.

We have been together for a while. I moved far to be close to him cause at some point it was long distance. She is an old classmate of his and they worked with one another for some months. I found her number through their work page and I saved it to find her social media. She posted pics and videos with him, they often went out with one another after workdays. But after they didn't work together anymore they didn't hang out anymore. I suspect he does now but maybe not alone. His male friends hang out with her along with other people. His male friends know about me.

Today I was using out a calling application and I accidentally called her from my number. I hung up instantly but it rang so I guess she received it. Later during the day I deleted my name on WhatsApp if that would help. I don't want her to figure out it's me but it likely won't be hard. If he finds out he will get angry or even break up. I let it slide but finally last summer I brought it up. He got very angry and told me nothing romantic was going on.

I vented about this on Reddit and I was called scary, crazy and other words for saving her number and checking her social media. So I guess I may be the one who will get the blame from people around us about this situation.