59M, diagnosed 13 years after we were married (at 51). No kids, no job, no friends, no local family. Feel like it's the end of the line. Meds and therapy didn't help. Feeling depressed, hopeless, guilty, shattered. Looking up one way airfare to Switzerland.

The dx helped me understand why. My ND made the relationship difficult, not salvageable according to my soon to be ex. I take 100% of the blame.

Looking for inspiration, advice from anyone who has been through something similar and made it out the other side.

Got accepted to a project and needed to go through a 59-page guideline before taking the qualification test.

Sat down in front of it yesterday and my brain just wasn't participating.

I wasn't scrolling social media. I wasn't playing games. I was literally looking at the document. I'd read a page, go to the next one, then realize I had no idea what I'd just read.

Tried again. Same thing.

At some point I gave up, went out, bought snacks and a drink, put the same song on repeat for the hundredth time, and stopped thinking about it.

Came back later that evening and finished the test.

That's the part that drives me crazy. The task itself wasn't even difficult. I spent way more energy trying to start than I did actually doing it.

The guideline is done now. My brain can stop acting like it's being asked to defuse a bomb.

This is an idea I’ve had for years, and something I’ve personally experimented with for a long time. Now I’m genuinely curious whether other people experience the same thing.

First, the title might be a little misleading, so hear me out.

Growing up, we’re always told to close our eyes when we’re trying to fall asleep. That’s just what we’re taught. Close your eyes, get comfortable, clear your mind, and go to sleep.

But what if you tried doing the opposite?

For someone like me, whose brain doesn’t always seem to have an off switch when it’s time for bed, I stumbled across something that seemed almost counterintuitive:

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.
Instead of closing your eyes and allowing your mind to wander, keep them open and simply observe your surroundings.

Look around the room. Notice the shapes, shadows, light, and subtle details that become visible in the darkness. Don’t actively search for anything or try to make sense of what you’re seeing. Just observe.
The interesting part comes when your eyes naturally start wanting to close.

Instead of immediately giving in, gently try to keep them open a little longer. Continue observing until the urge to close them becomes almost effortless to follow.

My personal theory is that this changes the way your brain transitions into sleep. Rather than lying in darkness with your thoughts running wild, you’re giving your attention something external to settle on. Eventually, the physical urge to close your eyes takes over, and sleep seems to follow without the usual mental gymnastics.

I’ve been doing this for years, and I’ve found it to be a surprisingly effective way to help myself fall asleep.

Now here’s where I want to involve the community.
I’d love for people to actually experiment with this.
Not just try it once, decide whether it worked, and move on. Give it a genuine chance. Try incorporating it into your bedtime routine consistently for 30–60 days.

I’m interested in hearing:

Did it work?

Do you notice a difference in how quickly you fall asleep?

Does keeping your eyes open help quiet your thoughts?

Do you find yourself entering a different state of relaxation?

Does it work better or worse than your usual method of falling asleep?

Does the effect change with repeated practice?

I’m not claiming to have discovered some revolutionary sleep technique, and I don’t know whether there’s any science behind what I’m experiencing.

That’s exactly why I’m asking.

I want genuine feedback from people who are willing to give it a fair shot over time.

Has anyone else ever tried falling asleep this way? And if not, would you be willing to participate in this little experiment?

I’m genuinely curious to see what happens.

I'm 28 and was diagnosed late with autism, ADHD, and OCD. Before that, I was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia at 21 and spent about four years on antipsychotics, which also gave me heart and cholesterol problems. That diagnosis has since been dropped.

I also had stage 4 colon cancer at 24, and I'm cancer-free now, but I have PTSD and chronic pain from everything that came with it. I'm on disability and live with my parents, who are Jehovah's Witnesses. I'm questioning the faith, and being home feels lonely and judged.

A counselor who works with neurodivergent people recommended an intensive day or residential program with therapy, job training, and social skills, but my insurance won't cover it or neuropsych testing. Has anyone found a way into one of these programs, or a way to switch insurance without losing care? I'd also love to hear what helped you with daily panic and with building a life that works for how your brain works.

My ADHD is pretty severe and so is my exec dysfunction. It's always been really bad. I had to drop out of a University cause of it. I can't hold down jobs, can't meet deadlines, and all in all can't do anything I'm supposed to cause I either can't get myself to do it or keep putting it off. In fact, today itself I missed a deadline. I have tried meds but it hasn't helped. Therapy doesn't help either. I think I might have a case of treatment resistant AuDHD. I have struggled my entire life with this. It's ensured that I can never have anything I want in life for myself. The older I get the worse this gets.

Do any of you have it this bad? Please share your experiences. TIA!

I am 42yo, female, I have those middle-aged woman jowls. I dress weird, always have. I enjoy it. I can't for the life of me wear normal stuff. I wear hats, dresses, lipstick, or tomboy/masculine clothes, whatever. Depends on the day. My hair is down to my butt and sometimes I wear it down, which is unusual because of the length, or I do fancy buns, or wear a scarf. Anyway. But I don't wish to be perceived at all. I'm an introvert with trouble speaking, get flustered, overatimulated, embarassed, by a lot of interaction. I just always wish there was a way to be a little weirdo without getting looked at or commented upon. That's all.

(I mention my age and middle-age jowls because it seemed less weird to dress this way when I was younger or more attractive.)

I think I have undiagnosed Audhd and other conditions like pots hypermobilty mcas and so on I am sorry if the text looks messy I just wanted to write down something and share it to get motivation or use it as something to check if I get better all these conditions makes a person feel like a bum ngl I used to feel like outsider still kinda am in my family in other settings I used to mask alot I used to be a good student sometimes and others not I was supposed to fail my last school year in 2021 but luckily I didn't it was during COVID I noticed my symptoms I couldn't force myself to study even with all the self hatred or shame I mustered up and I knew then something was wrong obviously I felt off my whole life but at that moment it felt like it's something that is above and I am not making up fast forward to today dropped out 2 times some parts I couldn't control but mostly avoidable if I could control myself better I got misdiagnosed with gad and meds didn't help my family obviously against bettering my health and everybody surprised about me dropping out even though I used to be a decent student my text is probably too long and not messy If I try anything and give effort I forget later on I used to study the same material again to be able to study for the new materials in school and same in uni I feel like mind just goes blank I solve I understand then I forget no Matter what planer or change I did it never helped hopefully I get tested again and get the help I need sometimes I feel like executive dysfunction is just an excuse and I should better my self to take care of my family and people related to me and myself and I never caught up to my dreams and I feel like barging for a normal life and obviously with meds I will be more greedy chasing that greatness but now I will stay with feeling down since it's all I have now I am not suicidal but life is tough but I would like to reach an end even if it's not pretty at least I lived and again text probably looks fucked up I feel like I forgot basic grammar but it all clicks when I study from start again it feels disheartening I put a flare Incase this text triggers something or someone not sure first time sharing in Reddit or any social media app

Without my adhd meds (dex).. I don't think I feel depressed, but I just feel flat, like avoiding people (e.g., don't want to talk or socialize and have no drive to engage), and unable to do anything especially things that require mental effort e.g., I can go to the shop and get some food but cannot bring myself to get started on my laptop working. It's been several weeks off meds, and It seems life on them was so much better. Is this normal for us folks with ADHD? I have tried antidepressants in the past - several - and they did nothing...

The weird thing is that once when I went off them years ago, while my executive functioning was still shot, my mood improved heaps... so I thought that would happen again this time. But it didn't. Weird.

Am I actually depressed ? or is it ADHD ? or...

(I am also autistic hence the post on this page). Hopefully my fellow neurodivergent pals can help me make sense of this better.

So hard to know/tell.

Thank you so much for anyone willing to comment xx

In the past 6-9 months, taking Ritalin has led to significant enough increases in my BP and HR that combined with other health issues means I shouldn't be taking it. I'm going to talk with my psychiatrist and cardiologist about possible alternatives and other treatments. But for now I'm irritable, things take longer to process, and I'm so tired. Anyone have tips on managing life without stimulants?

I wanted to learn electric guitar and piano so badly, but once my hyperfixation is over, I can't even force myself to practice. Sometimes I even get distracted mid-practice and never really make any progress.

It’s so overwhelming. I don’t know how we do it. We got to give ourselves a break. I speak to myself too. It’s emotionally taxing. What are some ways you do to regroup? YouTube is my weakness at the moment.

I am finding it difficult to connect with other likeminded like this community. If anyone wants to chat I’m available. Just thought i give a friendly shout out.

Does anyone here struggle to describe items which you should know? Don’t ask ChatG\*t this- I did this mistake and I spiral lol. Today I had to give it the “wtf is wrong with you!?” Response! I like to speak to a real human haha.

For context I have ADHD (diagnosed 6 years ago) and have recently been diagnosed with level 1/2 Autism.

18 months ago I had a nervous breakdown due to many external factors that caused me severe, unimaginable trauma while also mirroring some of the worst trauma of my childhood. (Childhood abuse, domestic violence, money insecurity etc) I had never experienced depression on such a large scale before. I have always been more inclined to anxiety and panic attacks. (Btw my partner is not abusive, this was more just constant PTSD triggers and threats from people)

I went to a mental health facility for three weeks. It saved my life. I was planning to end my life and made the decision to voluntarily admit myself, with the support of my friends, my partner and family. It was amazing,but as soon as I got out the trauma I was experiencing prior to admission got much worse than it was before.

Things completely out of my control began to ruin my life, one by one. I can’t explain exactly what happened without giving away who I am or what I do for work, but it involved a large scale harassment campaign that lead to tangible real life impacts (I’m talking hundreds of thousands of dollars lost, my career and my partners careers threatened, death threats). In this time an ex of mine ended his own life.

Every time one hurdle was over come, another worse tragedy would occur. Literally the same day. Every time. There were six or so major events and if one was resolved the morning of April 16 (for example) by the afternoon another horrific thing had happened. It was unbelievable.

I felt stuck. I felt like maybe I was imagining it. It made me disconnect from reality. I stated to fear good things happening because it always meant something worse was around the corner.

I had created this beautiful life with an amazing partner after surviving so much. I had financial security that I had never had. I was in a happy, loving relationship. I had friends and ambition. And it was being taken away piece by piece.

I then had another nervous breakdown, then another. This time, the clinic I had gone to for help before had shut. I was so devastated. It was my lifeline.

In this time I spent days in bed for the first time ever. I stopped doing work. I stopped replying to friends. I started lying to people about how I was feeling.

Before this, I was a chronic over sharer and my friends knew my every thought. Now I am so ashamed to admit how bad things got, and how bad they are. It’s also hard to explain that despite the fact I wake up every morning with intense suicidal thoughts, this is the best I have felt in 18 months. I worry my friends will be upset with me if I tell them what has been happening and how many times I’ve genuinely gotten close to ending my life after appearing joyous at a dinner with them hours before.

Over the last 6 months I’ve worked more than ever, and I appear to be “better” to everyone in my life (except my partner, who then has to carry the burden of being with someone so stuck in their sadness). I have put all my energy into getting better. I have started new hobbies, meditation, gotten back into consistent exercise (before this I did intense workouts every day, now I am happy if I go once a week). It’s working, but slowly, and takes all my energy and there’s nothing left for socialising or fun. It’s like I’m in an intense rehabilitation program where everything feels like work.

Now, as I get slightly better, and am no longer sleeping all day or ignoring work I am realising I am so far away from everyone. I have isolated myself. I’ve been lying to my friends by performing happiness. I don’t feel close to my partner, despite him only becoming increasingly loving and caring toward me during this time.

I have a few good friends, but I feel like fraud even saying that. Before this I had deep beautiful friendships, where we would talk all day every day. Now, I barely talk to friends unless they reach out. I haven’t called a friend in about a year. I used to chat every day on the phone for hours. I had to host dinners. I used to be a real person with real friends.

Now I feel like I am a shell of myself and I don’t even know who I was to begin with. My memory is awful (is this normal too?) and I can barely remember things that happened a month ago. Last night a friend of mine told me to tell a new friend a story of mine from June (my entire Job is public speaking and story telling in a comedic way so this is my forte). I started to tell the story, froze up and realised I couldn’t remember it. My brain has deleted the last 18 months from memory.

I feel as though I have no close connections. I am so alone. My friends would disagree. I had 4 friends come and support me at tonight at a performance I was doing. I socialise once a week minimum. Despite this seemingly robust social life, I feel like I see no one and have no one. I don’t know how to explain it. The facts disagree, but I just feel like I’m not close to anyone anymore.

My partner puts time aside for us, and we are going on a holiday next week. The issue is, I usually spend holidays crying or having panic attacks or getting sick. So we don’t connect much any more. He’s just trying to keep me alive. And that of course puts endless stress on him. I then feel more guilt and promise him “I’ll be happy this time” and ultimately let myself, and him down.

Sorry for this long post, but my question is this

Is this normal? Is it a sign that things are getting worse and I just don’t know it? Or is this what happens after neglecting your life for almost two years? How do I reconnect with people? Is it a sign that I’ve maybe outgrown these friendships?

I’m so scared to be honest about how I am feeling but I know that’s the answer. How have you gotten over this period?

Mostly, I need hope. So if anyone can relate to this, has recovered from feeling so low all the time, I’d love to hear your experience and journey.

Every day feels the same. I feel no joy and no connection. I am alone and depressed despite all the good around me

TLDR: I’ve been depressed for 18 months and am finally coming out of it yet now I’m not able to feel close to anyone, even my partner. I feel awkward in everyone’s presence and detached from reality. My mental health is better, but I’m looking around at all my relationships and feel nothing. I try so hard to feel connected and I just can’t.

Executive disfunction... This fucking thing is just ruling my life for the last couple of weeks.

I really like myself, have a big ego. I know i have some amazing skills and can easily learn new ones. And i have achieved some really cool things in the past. Most of my issues i have because of my audhd i can sort of work around or know have to deal with.

But not executive disfunction. I just want to do any of my hobbies. Or just anything besides keeping myself alive. But unless me or someone else needs help, I don't move. I barely even think, just this chaotic cloud of thoughts that don't amount to anything.

Tried resting more, or more meds. Nothing helps me to do anything fun for myself.

Just sleep, eat, work, sit frozen for multiple hours and go back to sleep.

For all neurodivergent people out there, this got released today:

https://open.spotify.com/album/1GoSZTnF8ctarmmkxSsSBb

Enjoy!

Hello, I want to quit social media after 10 years of addiction (hi 12+ hours of screen time), because internet is just sad now tbh. Want to do it cold turkey because all other methods feel like someone wagging a carrot on a stick in front of me and dont work. How do i deal with boredom that inevitably sets in after trying to not go on social media for some time? Any advice welcome, but especially the ones for people with really bad self control (like me).

FYI: I’m autistic with combined adhd, likely mildly depressed, or burnt out, i have hobbies outside of the internet , it’s just really hard to not consume content even while doing them. Also i have pda.

Thanks in advance!

Disclaimer: I am not an expert in flash and I cannot tell you if it would help you or not. I am not a clinician. I am just sharing my own experience.

I've been terrified of feathers for as long as I can remember anything. No clear source of the fear. Well, my therapist is trained in a specific type of therapy called flash therapy. It was originally created to help veterans with PTSD, but they've found it helpful to get over phobias. It uses a specific bilateral stimulation technique while going on and on about a single topic you like the whole time. The point is to retrain your brain to have a more positive association with the phobic item. For me personally, the fear is lessening! So talking about pillows, Mesoamerica, or paganism (whichever special interest I decide on that session) is actually helping me! Lately I've been picking paganism. I'll talk about my specific religious beliefs and the beliefs of other pagan paths. It's fun to go on and on about my studies on Wicca and where it overlaps and doesn't overlap with my eclectic path.

Usually it can feel ridiculous to have special interests. They're these things I obsess over that I need to not talk about all the time (so that I can engage in other people's interests as well). They are not anything that can get me a career (any career related to Mesoamerica would be careers that I couldn't do for a multitude of reasons, like archaeologist). They make me happy but don't help me outside of finding fun ways to spend free time alone.

Now they are helping me.

Hey, I’m a ~15.7 year old male that got diagnosed with ADHD at ~13 and Autism a few days ago.

Some background on me, I am a really smart guy, both emotionally and at school (both comes from my mom lol,) I’m really into psych, got tested for depression recently too and don’t have any of that, and I feel alright with my life where it is.

I feel like I can easily be friendly with people, I get along a lot more with adults, but I don‘t hang out with anyone outside of school. Just in general, is there anything you’d tell your past self if you knew you had AuDHD? Thank you.

21hr later edit: Thank you for all the thought out replies! I enjoyed reading them and I'll try to make y'all proud and put your advice to good use.

Any AuDHD’ers here have issues taking psychiatric medications? I am seeing a new psychiatric nurse in two weeks, and I tried 6 antidepressants and 6 antipsychotics for mood adjustments (I think related to my Alexithymia?). But they either do nothing or give me horrible dizziness and feelings of being spaced out. Am I the only one? Is there anything I should tell my new nurse from the veterans here?

This is mostly a vent of frustration and is stream of consciousness, so I'm going to apologize now for the poor grammar and organization. Move along if that's going to be an issue.

I am 41m recently diagnosed with level 1 autism and inattentive type ADHD.

I have been attempting to lose weight over the last few years, somehow something finally clicked two years ago and I had a sudden ability to regularly meal prep dinner, then eventually breakfast as well and over a year I managed to lose most of the weight I wanted to. I think getting into a routine was the key, I literally ate the same dinner 5x per week, breakfast 6x per week and lunch 6x per week for just about a whole year. One hiccup is that after travel it would take me 2-4 weeks to get back into it, but I managed to do it several times. The second year went ok, I tried to add exercise and switch my lunch so it would be healthier, but this resulted in me getting tempted by snacks/dessert at night and while I lost weight it was not as fast over the next 8 months.

Then I traveled to visit family and now I can't seem to build back my routine, it was so nice knowing what I'll get to eat and knowing it's something I like. But I just don't seem to be able to initiate cooking now and knowing that builds frustration, which turns into binge eating. I just feel stuck in a self sabotage cycle, I know what I want to do, I know I'm going to enjoy it when it's done, but actually starting escapes me week after week. I've managed to meal prep a couple times over the last 4 months and I was just so happy when I did so and I still love the food so it's not an issue with that. Now over the last 4 months I've gained weight and lost almost a year of progress (still better off than I started). I'm just incredibly frustrated with myself and don't know how I can get back to where I was. I think I'm going to try stepping back to my original setup of just meal prepping dinner and see if I can build it back up again, but ugh, I am still so angry at myself I lost so much progress.

I’m trying to understand alexithymia but I’m having a hard time finding sources that explain without pathologizing.

How would you describe the way you experience emotions?

I know that whole “autistic people are not empathetic” is an outdated (though sadly still very common) stereotype.

I would say that I am very empathetic but Im starting to think it might be more of a deduction than actually feeling.
I know I feel deeply but I struggle when it comes to labelling my emotions. And I’ve gotten a lot of feedback that people have a hard time reading my expressions. I don’t know how often I’ve been told that I seem angry when really it was .. despair.
Sometimes I’ll go through a mental list of feelings that would make sense regarding the circumstances like an allergy test.
Does that sound like alexithymia?

I tend to use very visual language, so now I’m thinking maybe all these parables and metaphors have been my way of compensating. Kind of like when you’re trying to say something in another language.

how do you “translate” your inner experience to connect with other people?

Do all of you have alexithymia?

What is it like for you?

Are there any podcasts/articles that you can recommend on the topic?
I’m not looking for content trying to address my self-worth. I know it’s not about deficiency and rather a system using neurotypical standards to measure people by their productivity/ability to adapt to a capitalist society. But I’d like to learn more about variances of emotional processing.

Do you know of texts/podcasts that explain the differences between neurotypical and autistic people that actually explain the allistic experience and not just describe it as “normal”?

I wanted to share a bit about my day-to-day reality because "high-functioning" labels can be so misleading when you live with complex neurodivergence and chronic health conditions.

Because I am verbal and articulate in writing, people often assume my support needs are low. In reality, I sit toward the higher-support end of the autism spectrum and rely on daily practical help just to get through everyday tasks:

I live with autism, combined-type ADHD, severe OCD, and acute sensory processing issues. Coping with constant sensory overload, racing thoughts, and rigid compulsive rituals leaves me dealing with severe fatigue before my day has even properly started.

Even though autism doesn't worsen with age, slowing down physically as I get older makes maintaining my essential daily routines and rituals much more demanding. I receive regular home-based therapy from both primary and secondary mental health services, rely on practical daily support, and my care team has applied for a specialist sensory assessment to get tailored environmental accommodations for my home.

Alongside a daily medication regimen for my mental and physical wellbeing, I deal with ADHD-related sleep disruption—without medication, my brain stays active 24/7 and simply cannot switch off, which knocks my entire morning routine off track. On top of that, I manage chronic pain from bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome and plantar fasciitis, as well as ongoing hospital monitoring for seizures.

I wanted to put this out there for anyone else who feels unseen because of how they communicate on the surface. Being able to express yourself clearly doesn't cancel out needing substantial daily care, home therapy, and sensory accommodations just to navigate ordinary life.

Hi, first post kind of nervous please tell me if I can format this better. I am an 23NB AuDHD individual, dating a 20M, possibly neurodivergent as well. Recently our intimacy has taken a nosedive for a couple of months after 9 months of dating. I have Alexithymia according to my old therapist before I stopped seeing her due to the fact I have moved somewhere further, making it really inconvenient to go to her office with school and part time work added into the equation.

My partner recently talked to me about how I was being emotionally unavailable, and being a lot less intimate towards them compared to before. I also generally cannot tell when I feel like being sexually intimate, and most of the time it ends up making them feel very one-sided when I reject while we are getting into it after they initiate due to being overwhelmed physically after a long week. I realise I have a tendency withdraw from everyone when I am feeling overwhelmed from stressors like juggling school, work and rent, and I want to find a way to stop being like this. I also have a problem with expressing vulnerability towards loved ones partially due to how I never had my parents present in my life and I was left to deal with my problems (i.e bullying) most days as a child, as well as being kicked out of home at 21 by my parents.

I am so madly in love with my partner and it hurts to see how I am not meeting their needs emotionally. This problem has also been stressing me out further since I am so scared that we might break up if I can't meet their emotional needs at all, and I will be seeing a therapist after I finish my school mandated internship in a month's time. In the meantime, I hope I can get suggestions on how I can improve on this situation.