“I got so excited listening to this song that I used my swivel chair as a trampoline and autistically flung myself across the room.”

“I got some birthday money so I went completely autistic and bought several new games on my computer with it.”

We will no longer allow political posts on this sub please go to r/autismpolitics if you want to discuss politics

The reason we are banning the discussion is because it can be quite triggering to some

My wife has told me that I’m inconsiderate. Example:

• bringing the mood down while playing Mario Kart because I was losing a lot and getting grumpy/huffy.

• relying on wife for directions to store because I have no sense of direction instead of putting it in my gps.

No matter the intention, I am well aware that my wife feels hurt by these behaviors of mine. At the same time, it feels incredibly unfair that my natural state of being is being scrutinized. My being expressive about my saltiness over losing and me wanting to rely on my wife for directions (though yes in the past wife stated dislike of me asking for directions) are examples of me existing - perhaps not understanding how my behavior affects someone else, but also not seeing harm in the behaviors themselves. I can’t get over that feeling that my autism is intolerable to my spouse. Can you see where I’m coming from and, allistic folks, can you understand my wife’s POV?

Long-winded edit: I wrote this post in the worst part of spiraling about my relationship, which is directly after an unresolved argument. I appreciate the blunt answers. The Mario Kart thing was long resolved but I brought it up as an example of how my feelings (“gah, I can’t win, I’m so bad at this game”) was met with “you’re acting like a sore loser and it’s making me not enjoy this game.” My spouse is valid to feel that way and of course in retrospect I could see myself feeling the same way if someone else was acting like that. But I have issues with the way things are brought up. I am sensitive to criticism and am actively working on it, and it takes effort for my partner to express upset in a way that doesn’t immediately trigger defensiveness. I am alone responsible for my reaction to someone AND I deserve to be approached with kindness and love.

Second, those of you who expressed I need to use my GPS, this also was something I resolved to do before writing this post. I appreciate your input which helped me realize that expecting to rely on others is not fair for the other person.

Maybe I wasn’t able to express my feelings eloquently, but there is this part of me that can’t shake the feeling that there are unseen, unsaid expectations that only come out in disappointment, anger, and frustration from my wife. There are also issues of ability - not weaponized incompetence as someone said. When I am drained after work, I still come home to cook and do as many chores as I can with the energy I have left. These actions are not typically met with gratitude but rather, you aren’t pulling your weight around the house. Some things feel very unfair when I feel like I’m giving it my all and it is still not enough. I also experience a ton of shame when I am told I’ve hurt someone or not met expectations which ties neatly into the dilemma here. The issues are far beyond Reddit to handle which is why I’m actively doing therapy with an individual and couples counselor. It’s just these moments are so destructive I often feel like there is nowhere to vent but to strangers, and with that the responses vary from judgement to kindness and empathy.

Hey folks, I feel guilty posting this because I'm sure a million people ask this question every day, but I'm genuinely wondering if I may be autistic and am unsure where else to get some feedback.

Context: I'm a 33 yr old intersex trans gay guy, and I've always been a little bit "different" from other people. When I was in kindergarten I was IQ tested as "gifted" and I skipped first grade. I was always annoying my parents by "talking too much" or asking too many questions. I was taken to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with ADHD but my parents didn't want me on any medication so I was never treated for it. They actually didn't really believe in the diagnosis and thought it was just because I was "gifted" that I needed so much extra stimulation.

I had a few obsessions which I believe may have been special interests, for example I was obsessed with dinosaurs, I had tons of plastic figurines, books and posters. I would often pretend to be a dinosaur (my favorite is deinonychus!). Also I learned to walk on my toes as a small child, a habit I still have to this day, I always tip-toe around and hate walking flat footed. I also have sensory issues with some things like socks.

I have always had social anxiety starting in childhood. For no reason really, nothing ever happened to trigger it, I've just always been this way. I have severe depression and anxiety now as an adult to the point where I'm almost entirely bedridden, and severe agoraphobia so I can't leave my house without assistance. I have a caregiver who comes over every day to help with chores and stuff.

I do get restless and self stim, I have a fidget cube which I use sometimes, but my real go-to stim is vaping. I've been vaping for years, it's funny because I was never a smoker, I tried cigarettes and decided vaping was the best option instead. My vape is my lifeline, it calms me down and the hand-to-mouth stimulation is great for my anxiety. (Terrible habit though, I'm not recommending it at all!) Otherwise I fidget with my hands and my piercings. I have my tongue and lip pierced and am messing with them all the time.

With social stuff, I have always been very GOOD with social cues, this is why I'm worried I won't get an autism diagnosis when I finally go to see a specialist. However this is because I grew up with an abusive narcissist mom who trained me from a young age to be hyper vigilant and pay close attention to social cues like body language and tone of voice. I got very good at telling what mood she was in and how to anticipate abuse (Verbal/emotional, she was a problem drinker and would get blackout drunk and harass me). So the fact that I'm very good with social cues is misleading.

I'm always in my own head. I have an "inner world" I often retreat to when I'm anxious or bored (which is 99% of the time). I talk to myself in my head a lot. I'm also plural, I have had a tulpa since childhood who is my partner. He is autistic himself.

I have several autistic and audhd friends who all believe that I'm autistic. I also had a genetic test done and found several genes for autism. I'm just wondering if I truly have enough evidence that I'm autistic or just have perhaps some traits?

Any feedback would be highly appreciated, apologies for the long post. I included a cat tax and selfie for compensation. Lol.

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20191008-why-the-normal-brain-is-just-a-myth

Everyone is neurodiverse because nobody is identical to anyone else. Neurodivergent would be a better term, And one could be more or less neurodivergent depending on how far are they are from the mean. Further, there are types of neurodiversity that nobody ever talks about, and that may have not been even been discovered yet.

Also, there's no definition of neurotypical based on testing. So basically anybody who does not test as neurodivergent in some defined way and is able to function reasonably well in the world is neurotypical.

I am 37 M US, autistic. The title pretty much says it all. Although maybe it could be argued bummed is a bit too strong of a word. More accurately it is just coming to this realization.

I was talking with my therapist the other day. And we were discussing how happy I was in my life without friends. I actually felt great all that day. It felt great to say. I suppose you could call me anti-social, but I am happy. In fact, I am one of the happiest people I know.

I get that I am unique. But hey I am autistic and feel I live a complete, full and satisfying life without having any social life, friends, or social hobbies.

I will admit though it is a bit of a bummer the only sex I will have is when I pay for it. I just am not sure anyone would be interested in dating me, let alone wanting to be in a relationship with me. I just do not offer any of the things women traditionally want in a boyfriend/long term relationship. I am a very weak earner, no friends, and no social life to speak of.

And my desire to change these things is just not there. This is simply the path I am on. I wish I could fantasize a way that I might have a relationship someday. I am just not really able to right now. Awe well, such is life sometimes.

This is gonna be a bit long but I wanna provide some quick context;

My boyfriends family is almost entirely diagnosed with autism (him and both his brothers, and his dad suspects he has it aswell) and I am around him a lot and he knows a lot about me. Hes pretty high functioning, and so is his older brother. His younger brother is less so.

All 3 have told me “you have it too, obviously” or have asked me if i have it very quickly after meeting me. I also have just always been a weird kid and people have always found it weird when i did the same stuff they were doing.

I stim a lot (rocking, leg shaking, clicking things, twitching sometimes if i dont stim, and some more stuff i dont pick up on) and am confirmed to have ADHD.

Getting a diagnosis in my area as an adult is basically impossible without spending a lot of money or waiting 3+ years but i feel weird saying i have it without a professional telling me so, especially cause my parents seem to disagree wholeheartedly and my former therapist told me she “isn’t sure” and “doesn’t think i am” because i like to talk a lot (i was 15 and the only autistic kids in her eyes seemed to be non-verbal) i also force eye-contact a lot :-)

Also; my Boyfriend has had extensive therapy explaining autism to him and how it works and how to function more easily so he does know quite a lot about it.

On the RAADS test i got 186 / 240

On the AQ i got 41/50

And any other test has told me i am very likely autistic.

Everyone and everything points to me having it but i feel super weird saying it without a proper diagnosis or confirmation :-)

Can someone help me out or give me some reassurance or advice or anything :,)

So many of us spent our entire lives being misunderstood, and when we finally figure out that we’re Autistic, that we’re not broken and we just communicate differently, we think finding community in other Autistics will be what allows us to finally find good relationships. But sometimes, it just results in us feeling more isolated than ever. Here’s my thoughts on why this happens:

The video is available at: https://youtu.be/9jhbpj7UiZ8

The full transcript is available at: https://www.autismchrysalis.com/2025/10/28/why-finding-your-autistic-community-didnt-fix-your-loneliness-the-truth-no-one-talks-about/

when i was diagnosed with Asperger's/autism a few years ago at 60, a lot of things in my life made sense. I recently discovered the connection with Autism and hyper-sexuality and even more things made sense.

I'm married happily and am faithful re: other women. I will play with men if the chance arises , but honestly may do it out of compulsion than real interest. Super cautious though...maybe more mental turn on thinking about doing it, because it's still 'sex'. Yes, I masturbate regularly and I also masturbate my anus frequently, aggressively and compulsively with my fingers.

It would be great if I was surrounded by naked women and men 24 hours a day. But since I'm not, it's becoming rather frustrating and annoying, not to mention even more of a distraction than ever.

I assume I'm not alone and would love to find a support group for autism/hypersexuality if anyone knows of one please let me know.

Be interested to hear others thoughts on this topic too. There's not a lot of research on this.

Thanks all,

Jim T.

36, M here. And yes, I'm married so this question is more theoretical.

This is the question that for the life of me I can't answer despite all of the books I've read about autism and videos I've watched.

Why are NT women attracted to us in spite of our lack of social skills and general awareness?

Here I am talking generally. Like anything from relationships we were in successfully, to relationships that fizzled out, to the woman who had a crush on you but you didn't know until like two weeks later.

I just don't understand what draws them to us. Is it the dedication to our interests? Our values? Our directness that they appreciate, at least until it is directed at them?

I don't get it.

I realize this is a controversial topic. Please know i do not mean any harm. Nobody is wrong for being for or against self identification with Asperger's syndrome

I frequently, personally experience negative consequences from the removal of AS from the DSM-5.

Im not arguing for or against Hans Asperger himself, or the name sake, but i want to acknowledge the negative ramification of the removal of it without replacing it with an equivelent term or diagnosis

I personally feel that describing autism as a spectrum is accurate and helpful. I also feel it is harmful to deny acknowledging individual strenths amd differemces within that spectrum.

I see a similar tendancy in most marginalized groups where the opinion is split. Some feel differences within the group should be celebrated, while others want to smooth out differences to present a unified front. However well intentioned, i feel the latter is harmful to some.

I call this subculture tendancy Submarginalized Homogeneous Action Minimalizing Eclecticism, which spells out S.H.A.M.E. because this idea tends to isolate and cast shame on anyone wanting to celebrate their uniqueness unless their uniqueness is the same as the rest of the groups homogenized uniqueness as a hive unit.

My experience of the excision of AS: If it still existed, i would be diagnosed with AS. Instead, every attempt I've made so far to obtain a diagnosis as a 43 year old adult has led to clinicians laughing at me and/or otherwise dismissing me due to age. Them ridiculing my having even considered the possibility of autism. Comments like "aspergers doesn't exist anymore, experts have better data now." "You're too old to have autism" and "You can't autism because you have a job, so you're fine."

Fortunately, on a social level, i find some understanding and support. But there is a sarply defined trend I've observed.

Speaking only of my own personal experience of abiut 250 or so people in my circle of friend, family, workmates, and aquaintences, i can say that roughly 60% of the people who know i am autistic are generally supportive, non-judgmental and have at least some vague idea ofnwhat that means or are at least open to being educated and the other 40% are abiut 50/50 split between with 50% indifference, or 50% displaying anything from indifferemce, to full on bigotry or isolating treatment. 100% of the 40% supportive group are familiar with the term aspergers or "high funtioning." Very few, maybe 10% of the non-supportive remainder use the term. Some of them even use the term "on the spectrum" as thiugh it's derogatory term.... shame on them.

In summary, i think the very nature of being part of a marginalized subculture should engender a celebration of each of our differences, strengths, and grace and understanding of any of our weaknesses. I think it is harmful to our community and each individual to Homogenize the spectrum.

I personally have no issue with funtioning labels, but i totally understand and empathize with the complaints of people who do. Im not advocating for funtioning labels or specifically AS to be added back into the DSM in its next iteration, but i do think there needs to be a diagnostic analog that is reintroduced.

S.H.A.M.E. (Submarginalized Homogeneous Action Minimalizing Eclecticism) is harmful. Let's instead celebrate what makes each of us unique.

I fully expect to get a lot of pushback from this post. Feel free to speak your mind. your opinion always matters. Please just be respectful and vefore you respond, really give thos some thought and see where it migh have some truth for you or someone you love.

Thank you ❤️

I got accused of being brainwashed by fiction years ago on Reddit because a commenter was somehow convinced I got a certain idea from watching Sword Art Online. I’ve never even watched Sword Art Online! and this happened on an autism subreddit.

I’ve also considered saying something in response to a comment someone made that was a reference to a work of fiction or somehow struck me as fake and Hollywood-ish so I decided not to actually say it.

For example I got into Historical fencing and I found it very surprising that ranking systems were uncommon there and that it was full of people who dislike hierarchy even in a hobby. They also described themselves in very limiting ways such as “I’m just a dude who does this and wants to do this” or “we’re just nerds who do this.” Which I find hard to relate to because it sounds like a very limiting way to view oneself.

Here’s another example. I wanted to get into going to Renaissance fairs and found out that if you go in without wearing Renaissance era or medieval clothing, you’ll be seen as “just some guy/gal”

For example I pictured myself answering the question “why should we hire you?” With something like “not only am I extremely qualified for this position, but also anyone else applying is a piece of shit that deserves life in prison even if they haven’t committed a single crime. They’re unworthy of this fuckin job and any other job like it. Yeah, I’m going there. These idiots don’t have any fuckin moral character. I do. I once wanted a job so fuckin bad that I considered giving up almost everything I have just to get it. I didn’t even care how much it paid. It was just something I could see myself doing for decades. If that’s not commitment, I don’t know what is.”

I think this emotionally charged response might actually be enough for me to get hired in some circles.

Also if everything one needs to survive costs money and one of the few ways to get money is to get a job, then i think companies have 0 business being picky regarding who they hire which is why I’m so angry about this

I have ADHD and I've many of my autistic friends told me I probably have autistic Im pretty sure they were joking with me but ive looked into it more and I have a alot of autism and audhd traits. I've did an online aq test it keeps saying I'm possibly autisic with scores being just close enough for autism score. Is this just my adhd traits overlapping with autism traits cause I'm like 90 percent sure you can't be "little bit autstic"

Edit: My partner has AuDHD and it is the main reason why i suspect it now

What argument would you use that is person-focused? I feel it is victim blaming. Like getting mad at an animal for biting when they were attacked.

I am very anti-social, but not because I don’t like people, but because I never know what to say or how to react. I can’t understand most people. If someone has a slight foreign accent they might as well be speaking their native tongue. I don’t understand most things people say even if they don’t have an accent. I don’t get what certain facial expressions mean. And that all started when I went to college. I was very social in highschool.

I do have severe depression and anxiety and am suicidal. So that might play into it.

I have always hated the feeling of suede and this weird microfibers cloth that people use at my job. I literally stop breathing and my face turns red the second I touch them.

I have barely any feelings anymore. I don’t care what anyone has to say. Which sucks because I’m a server and people, including coworkers, try to talk to me all the time. Like the other day, some guys wife’s bowling ball got stuck in the gutter and I had to go get it. Once I returned it her husband said jokingly “to be clear, that was her that threw it in there. She’s had too much to drink” abs my response was “yeah, yeah. I know” and I keep looking back on it and thinking “why did I say that? Why was a such an asshole to that guy?”. But I often regret most things I say, but because I think most things that fall out of my mouth are awkward and stupid.

I also started to hate the sound of cats meowing. My roommate has 6 cats and when they meow it just pisses me the fuck off. Like shut the fuck up. No I don’t want you in my room because I know you’ll just piss and shit on my things like you do his.

Almost any minor inconvenience sets me off now too. Since I moved in this place about 2 months ago.

My sister in law said I should go get tested for autism but I don’t know.

Hi everyone, I'm with a wonderful woman also ND, she is great, supportive, smart and I love and care for her deeply. I think we're very compatible and I'm very attracted to her and her to me. She respects my alone time, always put great focus on my needs, we have a wonderful understanding of each other, she's devoted, loyal, beautiful. She's my first real love and I've never felt anything like when I was with her.

I'm the one who proposed and insisted for marriage because I wanted to secure our relationship.

Only now, I feel like I'm not made to be in a relationship, Ive been feeling down lately. I've never been diagnosed but I know for sure I'm autistic and since we've moved in together, I'm constantly under great stress, we moved a lot until we got our last flat. I think this relationship might be the cause, maybe it's going so well that I'm afraid of the pain if she ever leaves me (I have abandonment issues). I feel like she could stop loving me at any moment if I ever stop investing in her. I feel guilty when I don't spend time with her and overwhelmed when I force myself to do so. I communicated this and she is willing to accommodate my needs more but I don't want her to erase her own needs for me. She would be better off without me in my opinion.

I came to the conclusion that I'm not meant to live with someone, though it's my very first experience and it has only been a couple of months. I feel bad for making so many promises to her and putting her through this trauma of being rejected after having been her safe zone (she used to be physically abused in her previous relationship) but rationally speaking, it makes more sense to me. It pains me very much to lose her but I think I have to do this.

I'm thinking that other romantic systems might fit me better such as polyamory (as I read it might be best suited for autistic people). It seems less stressful (of course I wouldn't want to open our marriage because I would die of jealousy with her and she's hardcore mono). Poly wouldn't ask so much investment therefore wouldn't hurt much if they leave, less responsibilities, complete control over my routine, less risks of unpredictability, more options and variety.

I would have the emotional connections I need whenever I need them and intercourse as well. I could stay weeks or months without interacting and not feel guilt.

I don't want to lose at life and in a mono relationship, I feel disadvantaged especially because she's outgoing, charming and people usually like her. I think I'm being fooled in this system knowing about hypergamy.

So as I said in the title, I do not want to gatekeep, or diminish anyone's experience, but I see the term 'autistic burnout' being used a lot lately where another term might be more appropriate.

I need to first put forward my definition of autistic burnout so you know where I'm coming from.

AB is a point in someone's life where they realize that their masking has fewer benefits than they anticipated, and the disillusionment/disappointment of that realization is a crushing moment that causes them to socially withdraw or just give up on interactions with other people entirely.

This is a life event, where someone's entire social strategy comes crashing down as they realize that masking has never given them what they need. It is something that occurs after decades of masking.

The 'decades of masking' part is important, because I see younger people talking about autistic burnout, but I can say from experience as someone in my 40s, that this is different to what you go through when you are in your 20s. It is something that deserves its own label, because it is a condition in itself.

Maybe it needs a new name so that people are less inclined to latch onto it. I am not saying 'that's our term and no one else is allowed to use it' but I am saying that if you are young, then you are not having autistic burnout as I have described it above.

Things that you can experience when you are young, which can be very hard, are depression, social exhaustion, anxiety, low self esteem, a desire to be alone, resentment, and many other states which I do not want to diminish. I was young too not that long ago, and I had all of those, and it was terrible, so I understand.

Autistic burnout seems to hit in the mid-30s to mid-40s. It's the result of a lot of trying to be accepted, and failing to find your connection to others. To paraphrase autism researcher Sarah Hendrickx, "they reach middle age and they realize they just can't go on like this anymore".

I guess people will keep saying autistic burnout, since feeling 'burned out' is very relatable, so perhaps a new term could be, I don't know, masking collapse or something. Neurodarkness. F-you syndrome. Masking-futility-recognition-disorder.

Lately so many people are asking on Reddit in this topic if they are autistic. Or even narcistic. Or maybe have something else wrong and need some mental advice. Is it possible mods are ensuring this topic is for those who know they are autistic and need advice, help or just want to communicate?

Ok, hear me out, i've been diagnosed with adhd almost a year ago and i've thought i was on the spectrum for almost all my life (i went to A LOT of proffesionals and turns out i'm not autistic, it's just an extreme case of adhd) and that made me compare myself to others in the way of how i handle things differently to neurotypicals. I've seen a lot of people on the spectrum tell other people "you might be on the spectrum" to other people when they tell their problems and struggles to them and i think that kind of mindset Is damaging, not because being autistic is bad at all, but because by saying that, you might be burdening the other person with the thought of "what if" which is A LOT to take in, because it twists how you look at yourself, how the sense of self you have of yourself might be wrong, and that's scary and causes a lot of stress to think about it. The reason why you shouldn't say something like "you may be on the spectrum" so lightly is because we all have struggles and sometimes we're just too centered in our own experience to condidere the posibilty that maybe that person might be suffering from other issue, like anxiety or cptsd or deppression, which are problems a lot of neurotypicals have and not just because they have them means they're on the spectrum, they might just be struggling like we all do at some point, but to really help them, we need to stop thinking about our own experience and have in mind who they are.

Ok, i'm sorry, i just felt like i had to say this, i don't know if i explained myself the best cause my english is a bit rusty. I don't mean to offend anyone at all, i just had to write about this cause it's something i see a lot when it comes to autistic people advicing others and it's i really don't like, i know it's not everyone but i just happened to know a lot of autistic people who do this and i had to get it out my chest somehow.

So I love god, I love the father son and Holy Spirit, but I have this intense fear and disconnect from them, I know from personal experience they are real but I’m so far away from seeing them as living breathing thinking beings, I see them as black and white, you don’t believe you go to hell, you be a morally “bad” person you go to hell, if you die an agnostic you go to hell, I can’t comprehend that Jesus died for our sins regardless of what I believe, people used to tell me I was going to hell for not believing in god, and I almost died one night and now I can’t get over the fact that four years ago I almost died as an agnostic estranged from god, I can’t comprehend mercy I can’t comprehend the humanity in Jesus, just the perfection and rules are rules side of Christianity. When I dream of hell it’s always overstimulation torment, loud noises, pixelated landscapes and terrible smells, any autistic Christians out there hyper fixated on heaven and hell and the legality of Christianity able to shed some light or advice?