Omg!!!!

So I did a post a month or two ago asking for career advice. As I’ve been told for years, the suggestion was to go back to college (I dropped out my first semester when I got married to my ex) and get a better paying job.

I just left a job making $18/hr ($37,440/yr) to now being a salary employee making $48,000/yr at a different company!! I’m still entry level Accounting Specialist but this company promotes quickly (I checked other’s titles and career progression on their linkedins) and am confident that I can move up.

I’m also back in college full-time online at SNHU and currently looking n my first week.

Omg I feel like I can kinda breathe now. I’ll be able to afford my new rent of $1200, get summer tutors for daughter and save money.

We move into our own place this month and can’t wait to decorate.

I’m so happy that I kept pushing towards my goals and stopped holding myself back due to fear.

I work in a Prosecutor's office and one of our lawyers has a jury trial this week she cannot miss. She also has an 18 month old with sniffles and had to have him with her. So she brought him in and when she got called to court we just all came together to watch him. Just a full office of prosecutors and paralegals entertaining a toddler while his mom is in court and it's incredibly nice. Not one person is giving her shit or making her feel bad or unprofessional. Its just great to see.

I don’t actually have anyone in my life that I can squeal about this to. Husband is estranged, family is self centered and kids are well, kids.

I got the promotion! I started with this company as nobody. Literally my BIL got me the job because we needed extra income and it was busy work at best(a made up role at worst) I’ve clawed my way through this place with every new person in charge deeming me redundant or unnecessary. But they have come and went (including BIL) and I remain slowly making my way into more and more responsibility… little by little more money.

Today the owner approached me and sang my praises. This happens from time to time as he likes to talk. But the end of it was, “I hope you’re ready. I’ve been watching and you’re the best fit.”

Senior Director of Operations! I’m the boss. Like the boss of the bosses. Big imposter syndrome vibes right now… but I did it! My Catholic upbringing tells me I shouldn’t feel this way but damn… I’m so proud of myself.

ETA:

Thank you all for the love and support. It's honestly overwhelming because I didn't know I was deserving of this kind of encouragement or camaraderie. I didn't know I could have a friend. Everyone said I couldn't have this.

We are one of so many families that lost their house yesterday in the Los Angeles area. We had just moved in. Our entire neighborhood is ash and rubble. We got out just in time with our baby, family, and pets. We lost absolutely everything else.

In a few short hours I need to be a good mom to my toddler, who has no idea what’s going on. We are safe now but I can’t sleep though I’m exhausted. We were so excited to finally give her a beautiful family home to grow up in after so many years of renting. I’m just feeling overwhelming sadness for my baby and our family and our future. And I have to be a good mom to a 2 year old through it, and get back to work, and do what moms do.

Please send us strength fellow moms ❤️

EDIT: Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart. I haven't been able to respond to every comment but I've been reading them all. Your support and strength is bringing me to tears over and over again. Thank you thank you thank you. From practical advice to commiseration to words of encouragement. You all are so kind.

Has anybody in here had to go through a custody battle and you opted to be the non custodial parent ?

My ex and I split and the divorce was nasty. He was a cheater and emotionally abusive and I decided I could no longer do it. Well as all abusive people he went low and was adamant about getting full custody of our three kids (5,7,9). The same man that barely helped with the kids at all while we were married and spent most weekends at the golf course while I was home with them … wanted FULL CUSTODY.

So what did I do ?

I gave him just that which comes around to split holidays, one full week a month, two weekends and 1 overnight a week.

At first I felt so guilty as a mom. We are still currently in court and he has retracted his claim and now wants me to have them through the week and he gets weekends.

but guys am I wrong for not wanting that ? I absolutely love my schedule. I love being able to be the fun parent and not the overworked parent and stressed parent.

I love my kids but I honestly as a SAHM I never got a break to do anything. I’m now working , making my own money and it’s a bit easier on me. Like am I wrong for feeling like this? Does this make me a bad mom for not wanting more time?

I guess I just wanted to inspire anyone who is a little stressed and is feeling the pressure, to let some stuff go.

My husband and I split the load of day-to-day life fairly well (dishes, cooking, childcare, etc), but I’ve always been the “planner” in our relationship. I planned vacations, I did all the work when we bought our house, I planned our wedding (even though I wanted to elope), etc etc. We now have an almost 2 year old. About a year ago, I went on a planning strike. I don’t plan things anymore.

“We should go somewhere fun soon!” Well, I guess you’d better book something and find childcare.

“My friend is coming over to watch the game!” Sounds like you should make sure the living spaces are reasonably clean.

“We should invite people over for our son’s birthday!” I’ll text our parents and say we’re grilling burgers and making a Duncan Hines cake, if you want something bigger then I guess you’d better plan it.

I do still plan things that are special occasions like my husband’s birthday or Father’s Day (and he does similar), but anything in the course of normal life that would normally fall on me, I’m just done. I have done my time, I do my mental labor in making sure all our bills are paid, our son has age-appropriate toys, a wardrobe of clean well-fitting clothes, and makes it to daycare with everything they ask for.

And you know what? It is going great. The necessary things still happen. Anything else just gets dropped, and it is FINE. Life is wonderful and we’re doing great! It’s amazing how much of my mental energy went to stuff that I didn’t need to put it towards.

My sons daycare had the front door propped open with no one around when I arrived to pick up my son. It’s located in a shopping center at the intersection of two of the busiest streets in my city. There are shoots in my city. Often.

I was very concerned and shaky when I walked in expecting to see the director at her desk, no. No one. I keep walking to the first classroom and see the teacher. I politely but urgently told her “did you know the front door is propped open?” Response was yeah we know we are having groceries delivered. Okay??? But where are the adults?

I keep walking to my sons classroom where I see the director on her phone. I tell her the same thing I told the first teacher. Her response was the same. Their nonchalant attitude made me so mad.

Then I see two teens boys talking to the director about leaving now. I assume they’re working on the delivery. As a teacher, I use my stoic voice and said “gentlemen, next time you deliver please close the door behind you” they respond with a laugh and why would be do that? Do you know how long it takes to open the door?

Working moms and dads. This is when I went into a rant about how I was born and raised in this area and I’m no stranger to hearing about deaths by gun violence daily. It’s not okay. I get the defensive “it’s not big deal chill out” from all the adults. I take my son and leave.

It’s a damn shame I’ll be taking my son into work with me tomorrow bc I can’t trust adults I pay over half my paycheck to simply secure the location my son is in.

Sigh. So how fast would you pull your kid out of this daycare?

Edit: pardon the typos. I’m still seething.

Edit again: for people thinking I’m a loon and scared of guns for no reason, in the last 12 months three people were shot dead in that parking lot. In my city it’s normal to hear about random gunfire at target in the middle of the parking lot at 9:30 on a Tuesday morning. Walmart same crap. Obviously shooters don’t want toddlers dead but we don’t need doors open to that environment. It literally shares a shopping center with gas stations and bowling alleys.

Next day edit: a lot of you asked why would I ever live/enroll in this area. I work across the street from the daycare at the k-8 community school and live 5 minutes away. My husband works 10 minutes away. This is our life, and moving isn’t that easy. We actually just relocated to a much nicer area where we no longer have people shooting in our front yard so one step at a time maybe? Life is funny that way. People kind of have to work with the cards they’re dealt.

Thank you so much for the support I received from people that can empathize and sympathize. It does mean a lot and helped me to not ruminating about this issue. My son was overwhelmed and tired at the end of his day with my 5th graders but we see the light at the end of the tunnel. Summer break ☀️

There was a controversial post this week about a mom who was venting that she didn’t want full custody of her kids because her husband was using custody against her so she said fine, not falling for your power play.

While none of it was an ideal situation she was clear the this was yet another way he was manipulating her. We’re not condoning anyone’s behavior and feel that the entire situation was not good and the kids should come first. But this woman came her to vent, felt it was a safe space. If you’ve ever been the victim of abuse, safe spaces are far and few between. She did ask a question, and it is okay to answer truthfully but KINDLY and ONLY in that post.

☹️ However, the behavior from some members of this group was appalling. The amount of judgment, shaming, name calling. And people making separate posts to further pile on this woman. And when that was banned, people finding stickied mod posts to comment further. And people being banned making new accounts to pile on this woman. ☹️

So to be clear: a rule of this sub is no shaming, no name calling. This applies even if this post is controversial. You can say your piece with KINDNESS and empathy.

I am leaving comments open— but will lock them if this gets out of hand. This is NOT a place to continue piling on that woman.

I work in a medical office. My boss in question is a doctor and I’m a RN.

A little background - I personally suspect he and another nurse have some sort of relationship. He touches her shoulder/waist casually and tends to lean closely to her. He’s never used this body language toward me or anyone else. He walks her to her car every evening.

She’s a single mom and her son gets out of school two hours before our office closes. He allows her to leave everyday to get her son and come back. Her son stays at office till she leaves. There’s literally a PlayStation for this boy in our spare room. Guess who brought it in.

Today I got a call that my daughter had a headache and wanted to leave school early. I told my boss I had to leave to get her and that I couldn’t come back as I don’t have childcare arranged. We had a lot of appointments this evening so I half expected him to tell me to bring her to the office.

He scowled at me and said that I was leaving a lot of work my co worker in question. I apologized and told him I had no idea my daughter wasn’t feeling well. I said that I could bring her in like my co worker does.

He says “she’s a single mom, don’t compare your situations. You should be talking to your husband not me”.

I said “I just thought that what goes for one should go for everyone. Yes I have a partner but he works far away. I’m still a working mom just like her”

He told me to go ahead and go and come back if I figure out a way to take care of my child. I was so irritated by the double standards I said “so I have to figure it out on my own and she doesn’t?”

And he seriously says “she knows her place as a woman, that’s why I help her”.

I guess he noticed my disgust and he said “you are women, right? I’m speaking in general”.

Please tell me this is as absurd as I feel it is. Before this the favoritism has been annoying but now it‘s offensive.

Please, send positive vibes for my (34F) poor husband (39M) who had to shop for 3 people this year. He was in charge of gifts for his mother, his sister and me. I was in charge of gifts for him, our kid, my parents, my brother & SIL, sister & BIL, nieces & nephews, kid's friends, daycare teachers, 1 secret-santa, 2 white elephants, our stockings, ordering and sending christmas cards etc.

My poor hubby had to buy coffee mugs. The mugs sat on the kitchen counter for a week, unwrapped, and the magic elves never came to deal with them. Finally today he wrapped them. Then he suffered the indignity of waiting in line at the post office for 30 minutes to mail them only to find that they absolutely will not arrive by Christmas. Then he had to look all over for the tape and paper (that was on the kitchen table) to wrap my presents and it was really hard to find boxes to fit them. He's very upset, and now he's just ready for the stress of Christmas to be over! Poor guy!

My Senior Director emailed me on Tuesday night around 9 PM asking if I can come into the office to “discuss something”. My Senior Director is over 9 offices and never sees people 1v1. His schedule is so full so I was taken aback when he wanted to see me.

Of course my mind goes racing. Am I going to be fired? Are they asking me to come back to the office full time? I would literally cry.

To give you a bit of a background. I’ve been with my company 8 years and I am a corporate trainer and a program analyst. Basically, I train on federal regulations and ensure the agency is adhering to them.

My work schedule is supposed to be hybrid (2-3 a week in office) but I live 1.5-2 hours away depending on traffic. So I just stopped coming in weekly and I just go in once a month to meet our monthly new hires.

Almost every day I am training 7 hours remotely through zoom. Why do I need to go in? I’ll just have to shut my office door and put a do not disturb sign. I might as well be home uninterrupted. So I did just that. I stopped coming in and no one really noticed or cared because the work gets done and I get positive feedback.

However, a new director started (who will be under the senior director) and maybe she wants me to come back. She’s been making a lot of changes.

So I went into the office and had my meeting with the senior director. He never mentioned my work schedule but instead praised my work and gave me an off-annual raise! Our company never does that. In addition, I’ll still get our annual raise in July plus he will give me incentive bonus checks for completing some high priority projects.

I am so happy! I have a great work life balance, I love the work that I do and I feel valued.

Just wanted to share my good news :) thanks for reading!

I am having a horrible day. My husband is out of town for a work conference, and I have been going all day with no break (until now to vent my frustration on the internet). I only work 6 hours/day, yet there is still SO MUCH SHIT to do at home. Just every day things such as putting away clean dishes and getting dinner ready (which is its one fucking beast -- planning grocery shopping, making sure it's healthy/balanced and tasty at the same time), cleaning up from dinner, making sure my 2nd grader does his homework, taking care of the dogs, making sure the kids get ready for bed. EVEN AFTER all of that, I am losing my mind from the stress of the afternoon (kids letting the puppy play in mud after I told them NOT TO TURN ON THE SPRINKLER AND THEY STILL DID while I was getting a homework sheet ready for my oldest) and the stress of them talking shit about the dinner I made (beef enchiladas -- and I am not a shit cook, they complained about the cheese). EVEN AFTER YET all of that, I have piles of laundry staring at me, floors covered in dirt and dog hair, and unfortunately I am very sensitive to messes and clutter, so there's no easy way to JuSt IgNoRe It. This culture for moms really fucking SUCKS these days.

I will start it off with the fact that my husband is a great dad to our 8 week old, but he said something to me last night that really struck a nerve. When I told him that we need to start a routine since I am going back to work in two weeks I would like him to get up at 5 or 5;30am to be with our son so I can either workout or go to work early. He falls asleep on the couch at 8-9pm every night and gets a solid 9-10 hrs of sleep. Where I get maybe 6 hours on a good night.

His first concern was that he loses an hour of sleep and responded with "you don't need as much sleep as I do..." To him I said "I didn't get the choice and had to suck it up and go on about my day."

He had to go back to work after one week of our son being born and I had 10 weeks of paid leave, so I didn't mind taking on 90% of the newborn role.... including the night feedings, cleaning the house daily, grocery shopping, and cooking homemade meals every night. But now that I have to go back to my career job, I expect him to sacrifice himself a bit so I can resume my life too. It wasn't a fight that we had, but I told him to really consider how I feel and we will talk about it tomorrow.

I have a feeling that I made this newborn phase way too easy for him and now it is time for a reality check. Anyone else feel the same? How did your relationship/schedule change when you went back to work?

Today I’m casually talking to someone who is a SAHM about our days when she asks me what I did. Well it’s a Tuesday so I started telling her about my work day - how it went, what I did, just the basics. She then asked me where my daughter was. Again, it’s a Tuesday and I have a full time job so I said she was at daycare. She then felt the need to say “oh you send her everyday! Why don’t you keep her home more often?” I answered with a snippy passive aggressive response. Like do people who don’t work not understand that it’s normal for kids to go to daycare full time while their parents work. I’m so sick of people trying to make me feel bad for sending my daughter to daycare. I’m her mom. I’m raising her. The daycare is my village. I shouldn’t feel guilty for having a job and sending my daughter to daycare. Sometimes I hate non-working moms who try to guilt us into feeling bad for having jobs.

I have booked the day off work tomorrow and havent told anyone. Not the kids, not my husband, not my mother, brother or anyone.

I did it this way because whenever I book a day off I end up spending it doing something for someone else. I would like 1 day to myself. I can't remember having such a day since before my 2 year old was born.

The thing is, I have no idea what to do with this new found 8 hours of free time as I booked it off very last minute and haven't had time to plan anything. Help me out, how would you maximise this day? These are the conditions:

Has to be able to be arranged within 24 hours.

Budget not exceeding (£100/$100)

Has to be outside as husband works from home. He might leave me alone to chill for the day, but I dont want to risk it!

Has to be finished by 5.30pm at the latest (I do nursery pick up)

I would ask if I am a monster for doing this, because I feel like one, but if there is any sub out there that's 'gets it' - it's this one!

TIA

UPDATE: If anyone is interested in how my day turned out, the follow up link is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/12uy7ll/secret_day_offupdate/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Firstly thank you to everyone who responded, I was overwhelmed with responses and I read them all! So many of them I wanted to do!

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about. I booked myself a secret day off yesterday. Here is the origional post: https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/12szfht/secret_day_off/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Anyways. My day took and unexpected but pleasant turn. It went like this:

7am - up as usual, morning chaos, left house with toddler at 8.30am

8.40am: unexpected call from my uncle. He has been going through some things and found a bunch if old photos. A lot of them are of my Dad (who recently passed) and would I like them?

9.30: having dropped the toddler off I went to his house, got the photos and called my Mum. Told her all about my day off and she LOVED that I had done that. I went to her house we went rhough all the old photos, cried, laughed had tons of tea and breakfast.

12pm: Went to the salon and got my roots done. Then went for a stroll around the town centre. Spoiled myself to some hair and skin products, now I had the time to stand and read what it was they actually did lol

3pm: Another unexpected phone call. My friend had gotten out of work early, am I around to meet for drinks and an early dinner? Yes I am!

3.30pm: Met friend, had a wonderful catch up over amazing food and one white wine spritz (believe me would have loved to have had more but I was still on nursery pick up duty!)

5:30pm: only a few minutes late picking up the little one. Got home. No one is the wiser.

6pm: confessed everything to my husband who laughed at me and said I that I could have just said I wanted a day off and not to be disturbed.

But if I am honest, I quite liked the thrill of the secret lol

The day taught me a lesson. That I need to do this regularly. You guys taught me that I am not a monster and I deserve it - you were all right. So, on Monday I'll be rebooking a day off per quarter. I'll have time to plan and do all of the wonderful things you guys suggested! Like a full spa day!

Thanks all for your suggestions and for reading. And those of you thinking of doing this too DO IT! Life is short, make time for yourself.

I always thought I would spend weekends taking my children to fun mommy and me type activities, I love the idea of baby yoga, or music classes. I want to take my baby to social activities. Yet every single class or activity is offered around 10am on a Tuesday! I can't even go to the gym because their childcare is only M,T,Th,F from 830 to 130. I greatly enjoy my job, and deeply appreciate the standard of living that my income provides in addition to my husbands income. But there are so many times that I just wish I could leave work for a few hours to go to enrichment activities with my little one. It does make me appreciate the daycare we chose since they do activities like baby yoga, and music time, but those are things I want to experience with her too.

I guess I’m venting but also asking for others experiences and if this is abnormal.

My wife and I (I’m a woman) just went on our first week long trip together without our child. We have gone on weekend trips without her but never longer than 3 days.

My Father invited us on a kid-free trip and paid for our lodgings. He also kind of sprung it on us without confirming so we kind of had to go (which is a whole other story). Anyway, our daughter is 4 and her grandmother who is her favorite person in the whole world watched her. We thought it would be a little tough on her but she was so excited to see her grandma. They played, her grandmother took her all over the place, had a birthday party for her, bought her a little pool with a fountain, basically they had an amazing time while we were gone.

We have been back for 5 days and today her daycare teacher pulled my wife aside and said that my daughter has been crying and asking for my wife. That she sometimes refuses to play with her friends, or doesn’t want to make art projects. And she had been clingy to her teachers. Our daughter is a very clingy kid who is always cuddling her teachers at school. She was so clingy as a baby I couldn’t make dinner for the 2 year without her crying.

I knew our daughter was going to be disregulated from her routine being disrupted. I appreciate her teacher letting my wife know that her behavior changed. However she told my wife that if daughters behavior continues then we might have to have a conference? She also said that maybe we should consider taking our child on trips with us next time. Teacher said some other stuff that seemed like she was shaming us for going on a trip without our child. We just took daughter to a water park with our whole family for 4 days a month ago. She always goes on trips with us. We have gone on several in the last year. We don’t have a babysitter and have very little family here so we are always together.

This teacher has said some rather insulting stuff to us in the past so I’m trying to take what she said with a grain of salt. Isn’t it normal for a toddler to be off after their parents go on a trip? Is having a “conference” about normal toddler behavior a thing? Do other parents never go on child-free trips?

We both work a lot but make a conscious effort to give our daughter tons of quality time.

Edit; I never said we missed her birthday. Her birthday is tomorrow. I said her grandmother threw her one while she was here. Her grandmother doesn’t live here. Our daughter has had three birthday parties. One with her cousin and us last month, one with her grandmother, and one tomorrow with her friends and her other mother and I. She also has a party at school on Monday, I would never miss my daughters birthday, especially her fourth.

Preface: I love my husband. He’s amazing, the kids love him, he’s sexy, hardworking, and I consider myself pretty lucky.

But, he’s pretty absentminded when it comes to getting the kids ready. The one day I have an early morning training class and it would be more sensible for him to get them to daycare, everything goes wrong. He left the baby gate to our daughter’s room open, which she has 2 pet rats, and we have a dog. The dog got to the rats and well… we no longer have rats. He was also late to work.

He does service work locally, so I told him I’d call him 30 mins before daycare closes so I can get the car seats and pick them up from daycare. He doesn’t answer his phone, so I look up his phone location and drive there. He’s nowhere to be found. He left his phone at the job site, but the car seats are at the office, and husband is who knows where. I go get the car seats and make it to the daycare just before closing.

When I picked the kids up, our 3yo daughter is wearing our 2yo son’s clothes. He didn’t pay the monthly daycare fee that was due today (which I texted him about this morning). And he never changed our son’s diaper this morning so he was absolutely soiled and poopy when he arrived.

Luckily we’ve been using this daycare for a while and they know that I usually do to drop off and pickup, so they were understanding.

It’s so frustrating because as a mom, I feel like if we show up with our daughter’s hair unbrushed and non matching clothes, we get labeled as neglectful and careless. But when dads show up like this, they get praised for doing the bare minimum.

I’m not really looking for advice. I just wanted to rant. I have high standards because my dad wasn’t the typical “dad.” He’s always been just as involved, if not more, than my mom.

I just sent this message to my husband at 4:12 AM this morning because I am so sick of weaponized incompetence.

Text Below:

-I've been awake all night for the second time in one week with (toddler)

-I ordered my Mother's Day gift because it was the last day for guaranteed shipping

-I put money on (older child's) lunch account because she was out of money

• Ifyou want the house to be clean you need to help me go through all the shit in here and declutter

-the dogs room needs to be cleaned. I've cleaned and mopped it the last 20+ times -I work too.

-I make sure (older child) has what she needs for school. Every week. I read the e-mails. All the emails. I make sure she has what she needs when.

• I feel like you only want to focus on the chores you find fun and have an interest in like the lawn or the garage.

-I am tired of you making me feel guilty when I bring it up that you haven't read an email or don't know what's going on. You gaslight me into thinking I am being a bitch for bringing it up. No I am highlighting that you can not focus on dealing with the additional burden because I deal with it.

-I give you credit for getting up with (older child) 50/50.

I genuinely feel like I pulled at least 50% of the house work while you were working part time. And now that you're back at work I get 80% and all the emotional and mental labor. It's making me feel resentful. And I will honestly be livid if you try to turn this around and make me feel crazy for acknowledging this.

Ordering my own Mother's Day gift so it would be here in time is also a slap in the face.

I deserve to have a partner and who doesn't expect me to just "handle it".

I don't want to model this for (children) so you let me know what we need to do to change things. I have no intention of leaving, but I also have no intention of continuing to just absorb anything you don't want to do.

How I know this is going to go

"I'll try to do better"

How it'll actually go

He will make an effort for possibly 5 business days.

But I'm not putting up with it this time. It's going to be different.

“When I grow up I want to be a police person, and a musician. And also a scientist. Mama, how come you wanted to be nothing?”

Well I never! Guys, I am a global communications manager for a world-leading healthcare company, but to my brutal daughter I “sit in my chair and talk to my friends on the computer, sometimes I look at pictures. But I don’t DO anything.”

Sounds like a pretty sweet job description actually. I think it’s time to update my LinkedIn bio.

I’m feeling glorious today. Why? I sued the company for my Asshole boss’ postpartum discrimination. I saved everything, emailed understandings of phone calls made, had my review, my retaliation, their blunders, you name it on record. I am now waiting for a year’s salary to be deposited in my account. I’m going to buy something extravagant like designer shoes so every step the click click of my heels will resound with fuck you fuck you. Tonight as the baby sleeps I’m quietly celebrating with a glass of wine and my Nordstrom app. My former boss is almost assuredly getting fired since they lost and had to pay outrageous attorney fees. Life is good. ❤️

But first a heavy content warning for mentions of suicide and mental health emergencies

I just wanted to start by saying thank you all so much for all the advice, resources, and kind words I got on this post. You all are the reason I still have my job, and more importantly, my life.

Per guidance I received I did end up informing my supervisor about my wife’s death late Monday morning. I know many of you didn’t understand why I would say I was having a “family emergency” when I had just lost my spouse or why I was reluctant to inform work of the situation. Honestly, I didn’t want to tell her because I hardly believed it myself. Telling someone who had no personal connection to the situation would really solidify it all. That my wife was really dead. That I had really lost her. That she really succeeded in taking her own life. I was still trying to pull hope from some place of delusion in my mind. It just didn’t feel right to say she was dead. I know that sounds a little insane but I am just that so that’s very unsurprising.

Anywho, my supervisor- who may come off as cold and callous at times is really an undercover sweetheart. She was very understanding of everything. She told me not to worry about work. She gave me a week off and said we would handle the logistics soon but not now. She was so compassionate throughout and upon return to my home today I found she was among the many who’d sent me flowers.

Unfortunately, I was right in my thinking earlier. Telling my boss about my wife’s death brought me crashing back down to the reality of it all. I spiraled hard. I was going to do the right thing and seek out voluntary treatment. Instead, I dropped off my daughter with my MIL, fell into a manic state, and made a plan to go be with my wife and late daughter. I wrote a note, had everything planned out, packed up all of my daughters things for easy pickup by my MIL, the whole 9. Before executing my plan, I drank. I drank to bring myself out of all the guilt and shame and embarrassment and grief I was feeling. I drank until I was belligerent and then kept drinking. I don’t remember this as I think I had blacked out at this point but I mistakenly called my MIL and informed her of my plans to take my life. She promptly called 9-1-1, and thankfully first responders arrived before I could do anything drastic.

Apparently when they tested, I had a blood alcohol level of .33 which is alcohol poisoning territory and I’m lucky I survived. I was brought to the ER she placed on a hold. I was then transferred to a psychiatric hospital and admitted for an additional 5 days. During my stay I was able to get in touch with one of the hospitals social workers regarding my concerns about my job. I was able to work with her to contact HR and find out what my options were. I found out my company has 10 days paid bereavement leave which I am currently on and that I do qualify for the companies catastrophic leave donations program (both things I inquired about thanks to you all). After applying, I was granted 240 hours of paid leave from the general pool and an additional 750 hours were donated to me from other employees. Largely thanks to solicitation from my supervisor. Meaning I have about 6 months before I will need to return to work.

I am feeling much more stable than before, but upon being discharged, the psychiatrist who was working with me highly recommended I be in residential treatment for some time and eventually switch to intensive outpatient. I agreed residential would be helpful for me so he called in some referrals and I have a screening assessment for a facility tomorrow with a hopeful admission date sometime this week. I am staying with my MIL until then.

My daughter is only 10 months old and isn’t aware of anything going on thankfully. She has apparently been super unregulated all week and has been struggling to sleep and has a reduced appetite. She’s so little, I hate the thought of her having a hard time with any of this. I hope this is just her being a baby and not grief. Im not sure if babies are capable of that. Hopefully not. For the most part she is ok.

I want to especially thank everyone who told me to surrender my (they were my wife’s. I’ve never trusted myself with firearms) guns. Had I had them in my home that day I suspect things would’ve ended very badly.

It’s weird to say, because I’m really, really struggling right now with everything and it feels like my entire world is crumbling, but I am so glad I didn’t die on Monday. At this point I am just taking it day by day.

Edit: I would reply to everyone if I had the capacity. You all have no idea the impact your kind words have had on me. It’s tremendous, really.