TL:DR - We are Scottish but don’t want a traditional Scottish wedding (kilts, bagpipes, ceilidh). Mum and sister insisting their partners wear kilts and make me feel like an asshole for not wanting people to wear them.

I recently got engaged (about a month ago) and we have already started planning and looking into venues/suppliers etc.

We live in Scotland and in a traditional Scottish wedding the men wear kilts, there is ceilidh dancing at the reception and there is a piper on bagpipes that plays when guests arriving, entrance at reception for bride and groom etc.

When discussing our wedding, my fiancé and I both agreed we wanted a relaxed and small wedding. No fancy food, just a nice BBQ, dancing and DIY type decor. We are both proud of our heritage, but tbh we are not fans of kilts, bagpipes or ceilidh dancing (it reminds me of being forced to learn the dances in PE in school!). So we decided on a non-traditional wedding with no kilts, no bagpipes and no ceilidh as these things are also very formal and does not go with the relaxed vibe we are going for.

Everyone we have spoken to about this so far are happy with the idea. Except my mum and sister. My sister went off on me last night, saying her partner is unhappy about the ‘no kilts’ and has said that he doesn’t want to buy a new suit for the wedding (he doesn’t fit into the one he has anymore), and has spent a fortune on his kilt so he will be wearing it. She made me feel like a complete asshole about not wanting a traditional wedding, saying ‘I can’t dictate what our guests should wear’, but everyone else is happy not to wear a kilt! I’m not even asking him to buy a brand new, expensive suit, you can buy or hire for less than £100 and he doesn’t even need to wear a full three piece suit - a shirt, tie and some chinos would be perfect. My wedding is roughly two years away, surely I’m giving enough notice to either fit into the suit he’s got, or be able to get and alternative. I mean, people buy new outfits for weddings all the time, right?

My sister also has a baby boy, who will be 2 and a half on our wedding day. He is a page boy and she tried to insist that he wear a kilt on the day but I put my foot down as he is in the wedding party so I am buying his suit anyways (a tiny navy tweed suit so still Scottish).

My sister and mum are also saying my stepdad is in the same boat and doesn’t fit into his suit and will be upset if he can’t wear his kilt. He is in the wedding party so I am happy to buy a suit for him if they are going to make a fuss about it.

My mum also said that ‘noone will dance at the wedding unless there is a ceilidh.’ I told her the people have weddings in Scotland and all over the world without ceilidh music and everyone still dance no bother!

We just want a relaxed wedding and traditional ones are so stuffy and formal. Is this so wrong?

Sorry for the long post and if I am posting in wrong place!

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My Grandfather (Dads side) has been such a great support in my life and I’d like to surprise him with a dance during my ending speech. I thought that we’d bring him up to the stage and would dance together before ending the night with the rest of our guests.

My issue is that I don’t know how my dad will feel about that - he seemed to think that if I ask one grandparent to do this then I should include the other two - just my grandpa on my dads side, but both grandparents on my moms side are still alive, but not very mobile at all and I think dancing would be a challenge for them I think...fiancées grandparents no longer around.

It seemed to be all about inclusion to him, and I 100% get where he’s coming from. But I’m not sure what to do - do I do something to honour all 3, just my very close grandpa or none at all?

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