Like the title says

Sorry, I'm posting from my phone.

History: Married 17 years with no children of our own. She's been divorced once and had 2 daughters that I helped to raise (now 28,23) prior to our marriage. We've really only had minor bumps and issues, in my opinion. We've had an open door type of communication with each other. Whether it be work issues and venting, or sexual issues, or just how we are feeling. Often we will just talk on the couch about life and philosophy in general. I've felt that we had a great connection and a pretty heavy, fulfilling sex life. We are both in good shape and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I work in the medical field and due to things being what they are, have been putting in a decent amount of Overtime over the past 5 months. She works in a legal consultancy and has been WFH for the past 5 months. Which has made things a bit distant, but on our days off we are tight.

Changed the filter on the Dyson fan in our bedroom last night. Asked wife if I could use her phone to update the app, in order to reset the change filter alert. Mine was on the charger next to the front door.

I noticed she had put on a pattern unlock, and, kinda wanted to ask her what that was about. As I was finding the app on her phone, a notification for Snapchat popped up. My stomach dropped immediately as I read the small tag,

"I'll bring the special toy." It said.

My brain understood the words...but my mind just stopped functioning. She asked what was the matter, after I guess several minutes of me just sitting and staring at the bedroom fan.

My wife has an obligatory quarterly out of town meeting, that puts her 2 states away for 5 days every business quarter. I knew it was about this coming trip Monday.

I've perused Reddit for years anonymously. I've read 100's of stories that began like this and never once have I thought about it being me that would sit on my bedroom floor and be in such a cold, dumbfounded state.

I recovered and said, "Oh just getting info about the IP and router." That's how the fan communicates through the app. I have a Chromebook that she logged into Facebook yesterday. I took a weeks vacation short notice, my supervisor is a cool chick and once I laid it out what I may have discovered and have to do... I'm going to need time off.

I've been up all night reading her chats.

She left to go to the office just now and I made sure the Google location history was on and find my phone was active. I'm so suspicious of everything she does now I can't look at myself in the mirror. She doesn't know I saw the message notification. I logged onto the messaging system that Verizon uses and have signed in under her number and name. There are at least 15,000 that date back to February of last year; messages, memes, flirty pics and some x-rated ones too. She stopped texting him this way about 3 months ago. Didn't stop texting him, but stopped using the message app through Verizon. I'm guessing they switched to the Snapchat because its discreet. I'm not on ANY social media in any way shape or form. I am clueless.

I just figured out that you can't log into Snapchat thru Facebook. But, it just takes an email and password. And she has used this Chromebook to do that. Hell, she used it just 3 nights ago lying in bed next to me rubbing my back while I went to sleep... she messaged him and sexted him lying next to me.

It's a younger man from work. He is married and has 3 young children. He and his wife have Facebook. I've met him twice. Shook his fucking hand.

I'm at a complete loss again and have paced/wandered my house (That I custom built for her) for hours.

I almost can't feel anything. What little that I am processing is just white hot rage. I logged on snapchat and there it all was...

I have called my best friend who has been divorced 3 times (Don't get me started on his partner picker) he recommended a visious lawyer. I plan on recording/saving EVERYTHING. There's pics of them fucking. I'm sure her phone or his has video.

I desperately want this to be a bad dream. She's said terrible things about me. She's told him my insecurities. She's told him "I love you." They have made no long term plans so this feels like a purely sexual relationship. It almost makes it better, but also makes it so much worse. Like She's literally throwing away our life for this. She knows cheating is an absolute deal breaker for me.

Our usual routine on the day she leaves for her meetings is I take her to the airport and drop her off with a long goodbye. I can't even think about what I have to do now. My friend says print out the entire thing and see if I can recover things from snapchat. From what I understand I can't, unless I have her phone.

My plan is to see the lawyer today, I'm paying a ridiculous amount to jump in her appointment line. Get the ball rolling and hopefully have a plan of action from her. I REALLY want to book a flight and follow my wife to the hotel shes staying at and catch her in the act.

I have access to her hotel booking options and have put myself as a contact person, so I can get a room key without alerting her. I think I'm just going to log onto the messaging apps when I get into town and watch it happen in real-time. If I could get the papers ready in time I'd hand them to her, instead im just going to hand her the printouts. Its a 600 page PDF!

His wife accepted my friend request. I am debating sending everything now.

I am seething. I just dont want to loose any advantage. I'm going to fly there Monday afternoon, log in and see what they've talked about, get a room key to my wifes room and drop off the package in her room with my wedding ring. I'm going to sit in the bar and watch my phone blow-up. I'm going to call the AP and tell him to meet me in the lobby/bar and to bring my wife down. Then tell him that a similar package has been been sent certified mail to his home addressed to his wife. As well as a Facebook message that I plan on hitting send on as I tell him. It feels petty and weak, I want to rage and scream, but I'm helpless. This morning all I could do was give her a peck on the cheek goodbye, I really can't stand to look her in the eye. I somehow have to get through the weekend.

I guess I'm asking, is my spiteful, hate fueled plan worth it?

I just want to inflict pain at this point. I want to hurt her emotionally. I feel eviscerated, emasculated. I will not entertain an apology. This is the one act that is unforgivable. It takes SO many steps to cheat on someone. They all can be stopped until the sin is complete.

Then it is done.

Should I just confront her tonight? Or Catch her? I don't think I'll update. I'm truly thinking about never using social media again. And only being with a partner that has a similar outlook moving forward.

ETA: I found the "Special toy." Keep in mind we have a chest full of "Adult fun devices." It was already in her carryon... Its one of those remote control vibrators. The ones that can be controlled by an app. It looks expensive.

I meet with the lawyer in 90 minutes.

Update: I have no clue how to post an update. I'm just editing my post

I met with the lawyer. She was actually kind, and I dare say compassionate with me. She told me point blank that her job was to represent me in this fight for my future, and my job in all of this was to tell her the complete truth and NOT MAKE HER JOB HARDER.

(I went to Kinkos and printed the file out. Cost $534 for color, because I wanted to have the pictures pop. Shout out to Chris at Kinkos for not making a scene when the nudes started coming out. He asked what it was all about, so, I told him, he was taken aback, but shook my hand and said sorry. I went home and crashed for about 3 hours and STBXW came home around 1930, usual time.)

Lawyer said to forget any Hollywood confrontation in a hotel bar. That it would look pretty crazy and not becoming at all. So I'm sorry to all of those people that wanted the high drama. She's right ultimately. There's 2 routes to take with divorce, contested or non-contested. She said I would have to notify my STBXW that I have retained council and in order to proceed my STBXW would have to either contest the divorce or we would go through mediation and file from there.

So, she got home about 2 hours ago.

I asked her if there was anything going on that she wanted to talk about. She said nothing other than the election. She then asked what was bothering me.

I wanted to cry, but, truthfully I was cried out.

I said I was curious as to why she had a remote control vibrator in her luggage. The look on her face was actually more telling than anything I've ever seen. She looked panicked, pale. She began to breathe faster, sweat. I asked why she would have something like that? Who had the code and the app to it? She stammered and the tears began. As I pulled out my 3 file folders worth of text exchanges I asked if the APs wife would have it? She cried and pleaded that she could explain. I said she had 5 minutes to do it. Of course she couldn't. I told her what my attorney told me to tell her. I also told her to leave. She screamed it was her house too. I calmly told her that may be, but, I would be notifying EVERYONE about her affair and betrayal. That even the girls will know. Or, she can leave now and find living arrangements for the time being. Hell, she'll be at her work conference for a week. She was speechless. I calmly pulled up face book and showed her the APs wife. I said do you want me to tell her or are you going to do it right now? Tears and moaning and pleading with "I love you" and "It wasn't supposed to go this far." Then my favorite "You can't do this!"

I said well it looks like I'm doing it, as I sent the APs wife a message with the file of their escapades on it. I prefaced it with apologies and a brief explanation. I haven't heard back from her.

I leafed through the stacks of paper and started reading random excerpts out loud to my STBXW

"I just wish we could spend the day attached to eachother. Just you inside of me."

"You feel so much more intense than any other woman I've ever been with."

She is still sobbing and asking to "Talk" about us. She says our marriage can withstand her mistake. I told her I would never forgive her, her word is shit, and that she threw away the last 17 years.

I'm still entertaining the whole tell HR thing and I am going to tell everyone about her decision to end our marriage by cheating.

Thank you to everyone who responded. I feel bad I couldn't respond to all the PMs and responses. I have a therapy appointment scheduled Tuesday. I kinda feel extremely elated, I'm shaking, and incredibly low right now; I kinda want to die.

The house is pretty quiet except for her crying and moaning. I told her to not come back after her trip. I'm currently sending friend requests and trying to get everyone on my page, I'm just going to send it to everyone that way.

I am going to wait until the morning to call the girls. I raised them from when they were 11 and 6. They are women now 28 and 23. I don't know what to tell them, or how to handle them.

My divorce was finalized last week, it went to default because my ex just never responded and the judge signed off. When I got the decree email from my attorney I laughed and smiled out of relief and then cried a little bit, you know, because of feelings. Then after work I bought champagne and the guy I’m seeing came over to my place, toasted with me, took me to bed, and made me forget all about it.

The weekend before my ex brother-in-law and his fiancé came over to hang out and catch up, we’re still close. They told me that my ex-husband and his AP broke up sometime last month and he hasn’t been handling it well, drowning his sorrows every night in a heroic amount of whiskey. Upon hearing that I immediately felt heartbroken for him. Obviously he is reaping what he’s sown, left a loyal wife for a mentally unstable infatuation situation and you wonder why it didn’t work? Suppose the grass isn’t greener on the other side.

I realized then that I do not hate my ex husband. I accept that the man that I thought had strong character and infallible morals was just a flawed man that talked a good game, and he wasn’t that strong after all. Here’s hoping he gets the help he needs.

I look in the mirror today and I see who had the strength in the relationship, the one who made it all happen, the steady-true-reliable pillar that kept the walls up.

I remember so vividly feeling lost without him right after I found out. Now I see that he is one who is lost. I still have my days of feeling off and feeling sad. But I don’t miss my ex husband. I don’t miss who I used to be with him. This woman right here and right now is having a good time and continually learning who she is and what she wants. And above all... she knows her worth.

I had her served yesterday. For those asking, I wasn't in a good state of mind to write about it yesterday. Still not really, but I will get it off my chest.

I woke up and left the house, got myself some breakfast while waiting for her to leave for work. Rented a truck, went back home and changed the locks. My friend and her husband came over, he brought a friend and we packed up her things. We loaded up our bedroom furniture that I got her as a wedding gift, my couch, my dining table... just all the furniture she defiled. Took it to storage. Put all her clothes in garbage bags. Was going to throw her dirty clothes in with the clean by my friend wouldn't let me.

We got done after 11am. At around lunch time, I bought flowers and chocolates and went to her work. I went in gave her the flowers and candy gave her a big hug and a kiss. She was all smiles and blushes, her coworkers were doing the awww that's so sweet thing. I told her that I would love to take her to lunch but I had to go get a check up on my leg, but to not make plans for the night because I wanted to give her a night she would remember.

I gave her a goodbye kiss and started walking out. At this point I'm going to start calling her GM, Fucking Tom or FT. As I was leaving I saw her Boss and gave him a big smile and said "Hey, Fucking Tom, how are ya?" Gave him a wave and left. Then I went and got some lunch. At 2pm A deputy would be walking into my wife's work to serve her. At 2pm I was standing in front of FT'S house. I texted him the picture I took on the day I caught them. I took a selfie in front of his house and sent that too.

I knocked on the door and Mrs. FT answered. She knows me a little bit from parties and things my wife's work had. I told her that my wife and her husband were having an affair. She didn't believe me. I showed her that first picture I took and I showed her a selfie they took while my wife was giving him a blowjob on my couch. And she fucking slapped me. I just stood there and she started crying. I gave her a thumb drive with everything pertaining to my wife and her husband that I had. I told her my wife was cheating on me with multiple men, get checked for stds. I gave her my lawyers card and my number.

Then she asked why was I doing this to her. And to be honest, why did I do that? I hurt her pretty bad. I feel like the biggest piece of shit for doing that. I told her she had a right to know and felt like an asshole for giving her that answer.

As I was leaving, that's when my phone started blowing up. Didn't answer any calls or texts. I just went home. When I got home, I changed my FB status to divorced.

I started reading the texts from my wife... WTF IS THIS? What are you doing? All that shit. I msged her back and told her she could come to the house at 7pm and not one minute before to get her clothes.

Apparently, FT didn't tell her what I did right away as I imagine he had his own problems at the moment. But my wife sent me a text a little later motherfuckering me up and down for telling Mrs. FT. So he did tell her. My "friend" that covered up for my wife, gonna call her Amber, started calling me. So I answered. I answered with "How long have you known that my wife and FT we're having an affair? Please don't lie to me." And she told me what I suspected. The whole time. Since before my wife and I had met. The. Whole. Fucking. Time.

All this time, I was the side piece. My whole marriage is a sick fucking joke. Let me tell you, that's a bitter pill to swallow. I asked her why she didn't tell me. She said it's because they thought I would go apeshit, get violent and such. I told her that she knew me better than that. She said she kept it secret because she was her friend. What about me? I wasn't? I asked her if I knew knew her husband was cheating wouldn't she want me to tell her? As a friend wouldn't I be obligated to let her know something she should know? She said yes.

So I hung up and sent her pictures my wife had taken of her and her husband and texted her back with my lawyer's number and said that my lawyer has everything I know. Then I told her never to contact me again.

At about 4 pm, my wife showed up at the house and found out about the locks. She started banging on the door and yelling. I didn't answer. She tried calling again. I turned my ringer off. Then she broke a window and left.

At close to 7pm two deputies parked out front. One is one of the people that helped me move stuff earlier. His wife showed up, also my friend.

7pm rolls around and my wife showed up. She looked pretty subdued. Pretty sure her and Amber had gotten into it by then. I gave her her clothes, the storage key and address, my lawyers card. Told her that all contact with me will be through her.

My wife started with the I love you crap, we can work this out, she's sorry, she loves me, a mistake, she doesn't love them, it didn't mean anything... I just pointed at my lawyers card.

She said that it's her house too and I can't kick her out. I told her it's my home and that she literally fucked herself out of it. This when she got really loud. All the I love yous turned into fuck yous and I hate yous. The deputies turned on their lights and neighbors had come out to gawk at the trainwreck.

I remained fairly calm and had my hands at my side through this. She kept screaming at me. I think she might have been drinking. She started crying that she had nowhere to go and when I told her that I don't care...

Well, I learned something new about my wife, she can throw a right hook. Gave me a fat lip and a bloody nose. I didn't move. I just stood there and let her do it. She tried scratching my face. The deputies restrained her. I declined pressing charges. Told them to just make her leave. They filed an incident report so I could get a TRO. Actually, I'm glad she did that.

When she left I went back in and while I was cleaning myself up, all that shit I should've been feeling for the last 2 months started to hit me. I'm pretty exhausted right now. I thought I would feel better after this all got out. I don't. I feel fucking awful. I'm not someone prone to crying, but I've been doing a lot of that since last night.

There's almost 600 unanswered texts and calls on my phone and growing. I'm going NC with our mutual friends. I don't want any of them trying to mediate things. I'll sort them out some other time.

I didn't call my son last night. I've always called him every night. I'll tell him tonight. He'll probably not be upset by the news. He wasn't fond of her.

My husband cheated on me around a year ago because I was too unwell to sleep with him due to my cancer treatment. I tried to reconcile with him, and he did it again almost immediately.

Prior to this, my treatment was going quite well. My prognosis was optimistic. Afterwards, not so much. The tide turned and suddenly the treatments weren't working anymore. The cancer was found my lungs, and began spreading more aggressively.

Two weeks ago I was told that further treatment will only extend my life, not save it. My cancer is terminal. I made the decision to stop treatment, and begin considering my options for end-of-life care.

I truly believe my husband's infidelity caused this. Throughout my cancer journey I have been told that I need to minimize stress and remain as optimistic as possible. The mind is a powerful thing, and our willpower can sometimes make or break the effectiveness of the treatment.

I think when my husband broke my heart, he also weakened my will to live just enough to make a difference in giving the cancer the upper hand. I will never know for sure, but I am convinced if my husband hadn't cheated, I would not be terminal.

(ETA: No religion/spirituality-based support please.)

Divorce not finalized yet. The empty house has been getting to me. I wound up moving a new girl in. She's the cutest little latina I've ever seen. She's about 8 inches at the shoulder, weighs 5 lbs and has an underbite. I'm torn between calling her Maggie or High Fructose Corn Syrup (cause she's so sweet).

Picked up a 1 year old chihuahua from the pound. Just needed someone happy to see me when I get home... found her!

I’ve been on Reddit a while and began lurking this sub when I first suspected my gf was cheating. I had hoped I wouldn’t be here posting but here we are. I (28m) have been with my gf (25f) for just about 2 years.

The relationship was good and then she tells me she’s pregnant. For the most part, I’m careful and she said she was on birth control. I was skeptical but went to an appointment. I then figured it was just one of those things. I always wanted a family so even though this was not how I wanted to begin, I was overjoyed.

We’re past the first trimester and I have her move in at her insistence. (Insert red flag I missed) Were planning what we will do work-wise and how to set up the baby’s room. She is pretty insistent she will go back to work but be able to stay home. She swears she can make it work. I go to every appointment with her. Things are still good.

We’re in the third trimester and I make my schedule work to still go to every appointment. Up until this point, I had been at each appointment in it’s entirety. This one appointment, she’s asks me to wait so she can talk to the doctor first. I’m super concerned that something is wrong with the baby and she didn’t want me to hear. I go in and the check up is done. Everything looks good. My gf brushes off my concern over why I couldn’t be there for all of it. (Another red flag)

We’re about a month and a half from the due date and I notice her being kind of secretive with phone calls and texts. She tells me it’s work and it’s confidential etc. My antenna is now up so I try to get looks at her phone. She’s got Snapchat and kik. I find it strange but don’t confront her.

The baby is born and I’m overwhelmed with emotion. The child is perfect and things went fine. Then comes the part where they want me to go on the birth certificate. My gf becomes really insistent about it. She’s constantly asking me to do it and seems way more anxious I’ve ever seen her. Here’s the red flag I didn’t miss. I don’t do it. We have an argument but she stops pushing. I think it’s because she knows how suspect it looks already.

We’re home and she has to go tend to the baby after it woke up. I notice she set her phone down to go to the baby. I couldn’t help it and looked. It was still unlocked. I start looking for texts or calls. I then find a whole conversation on kik with a guy. All the updates of her appointments. Pictures of her and the baby. Then I see it. The place she says she thinks it’s his child.

I confront her and she apologizes. She admits the baby could be mine or someone else but she thinks it’s mine. I demand a paternity test and leave.

It’s been about a week since the confrontation. The results came in yesterday and the baby isn’t mine. She’s gone to live with her mother. Here’s the best part. It took me a lot of digging seeing as all I had were usernames she talked to him to. The father is her boss. The secrecy was for him. The boss with a wife and 4 kids in middle and high school. I found the wife on Facebook and sent her all I had including texts from my gf saying it’s his.

I’m heartbroken so many ways. I’m lucky in a lot of ways here but I’m so hurt. This has completely changed my whole outlook. I’m bitter, angry and untrusting. I have no idea how to recover from this.