Here’s 33 (more) things I've learned along the way that I hope help you in your journey:

1.    Kindness is the best deal going. You can keep giving it and it doesn’t cost you anything.

2.    You can only be offended if you let yourself be offended. 

3.    When someone is drowning, don’t tell them they should have taken swimming lessons.
Help first. Educate second.

4.    Your struggles today will be your accomplishments tomorrow. Keep going.

5.    Building resilience isn’t something that comes and goes with your mood. Resilience is your intention and becomes a part of you. When that happens, nothing can stop you.

6.    At 23 I worried what people thought of me.
At 43 I realized they weren’t even thinking about me.
At 73 I really don’t care that much about what people do think of me.
Adopt that one early.

7.    Books are like the years in your life. It's not how many you have, it’s how good they are.

8.    With hope you can endure and accomplish anything. 

9.    What you think of me is none of my business.

10. Nobody gets to their deathbed upset they tried too many things. But plenty of people get there with regrets for the things they didn’t try.

11. You can only be in a bad mood if you let yourself.

12. Being grateful is a cheat sheet for happiness.

13. The pain you feel today is the strength you’ll feel tomorrow. Keep pushing forward.

14. Never say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a loved one.

15. We make the best decisions we can, with the information we have at that time.
Give yourself a break.

16. Say something. Do something. Be something.

17. Believe in yourself. Don’t listen to the critics. They’re either envious or they can’t do it themselves.

18. Your age is up to you. I’m 73 but I believe and act like I’m 19. Find your happy age. It’s more important than the years.

19. Action is the medicine for Fear of Failure. Just start moving.

20. Lead with your heart but manage with your head. I absolutely made that mistake. More than once.

21. You will never go wrong being too kind to someone. Sometimes it will feel like they are taking advantage of you. But that’s on them, not you.

22. You can tell the strength of a relationship by the number of calluses on the upper lip from biting it.

23. Don’t stay stuck on every idea. Trees bend for a reason.

24. To become successful, be useful. Be useful to enough people and success will find you.

25. Life doesn’t come with an unlimited number of chances. Don’t hesitate.

26. Forgetting something is the universe’s way of telling you to be more present.

27. If you don’t expect anything, you’ll never be disappointed.

28. I’m not anti-social. I’m just not very pro-social.

29. So little time. So many books.

30. Everyone has their first day on the job. Give them a break.

31. Money is important to have (and usually necessary), until your happiness becomes more important.

32. It isn’t over until YOU say it’s over.

33. My best tip and hope for us: Live and let live.

If you're lucky enough to get up to my age, the view becomes clearer.
Sometimes you’ll be up and sometimes you’ll be down.
But nothing ever stays the same. And that's ok.
Enjoy the ride.

Onward!
Louie

📌Please add something you know to be true, in the comments.
We learn together.

1. You aren’t stuck – you’re repeating comfortable patterns. Growth feels uncomfortable, and most people avoid it by default.

2. You’re never “too busy” – you’re just not prioritising the right things. If it matters, you’ll make time. If it doesn’t, you’ll make excuses.

3. Perfectionism is just procrastination in disguise. Stop waiting for the perfect moment – start where you are with what you have.

4. You can’t think your way into confidence – you act your way into it. Take small steps, stack wins, and let momentum build.

5. Most of your stress comes from avoiding hard conversations. Face them. It’s never as bad as you think.

6. Discipline beats motivation. You won’t feel like it most days – do it anyway.

7. Your environment shapes your results. Clean your space, fix your habits, and protect your peace.

8. Comfort zones shrink over time. The longer you stay in one, the harder it is to break free.

9. The fastest way to change your life is to change what you tolerate. Hold yourself to a higher standard.

10. Your future is a reflection of your daily choices. You don’t rise to the level of your goals – you fall to the level of your systems.

"Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change." – Jim Rohn

Perhaps this is just because I deleted my socials a few months ago and so am noticing more people who are doing the same, but has anyone noticed this happening with higher frequency? Perhaps it’s the TikTok ban and the association of X with musk post election

Also the general consensus around doom scrolling and how detrimental social media can be for peoples mental health is shifting. Is it just me noticing this or am I just more aware of this because I’m not off my socials?

1. Your 30s are not the time to play it safe. Take risks before you convince yourself it's too late.

2. Having no friends is better than keeping the wrong people around.

3. Sleep, exercise, and health matter more than almost anything else.

4. How you communicate and position yourself can matter as much as how hard you work.

5. Age doesn't automatically make someone wise. Respect is earned, not given.

6. Choose a partner whose values and vision for life align with yours.

7. Confidence comes from keeping promises to yourself.

8. Sometimes walking away from something you've invested years in is the smartest decision you'll make.

9. Start investing early. Time is your biggest advantage.

10. Don't spend your life trying to meet other people's expectations. You only get one.

Look, I get it. Your bed is comfy, mornings are evil, and anyone who says they're a "morning person" is either lying or psychotic. But here's the thing - your 4AM gaming sessions and Reddit doom-scrolling aren't doing you any favors. And no, being a "night owl" isn't a personality trait, it's just what happens when you've convinced your body that 2AM is actually dinner time.

Want to know how I know this shit works? The Navy taught me - by force. See, when you get to boot camp, the first thing they do is keep you up for over 24 hours. They feed you some bullshit about "Just grab your gear, stencil it, go through these basic instructions, and then you can go to bed!" But by the time they walk you through getting your clothes and marching you to your first berthing, it's already morning and they're dragging your sleep-deprived ass to breakfast.

Here's the genius part - they keep you up for about 36 hours for two reasons:

1. To put you in a room where Master Chiefs can yell at you about whether your recruiter told you to lie about smoking weed

2. To completely reset your fucked up sleep cycle

That second part? That's what we're going to do. Well, minus the screaming Master Chiefs.

The Science Behind Your Shitty Sleep: Here's something they didn't teach you in high school: The way your body wakes up is your brain sends a signal to your hypothalamus to raise your body temperature. Heat means wakey-wakey time. This isn't some wellness influencer bullshit - it's actual biology.

Step 1: The Morning Reset First thing you need to do? Go outside for 15 minutes. Yes, OUTSIDE. I don't care if it's raining. I don't care if you're tired. I don't care if you look like a shambling corpse. Get your ass outside before you do anything else - before coffee, before phone, before whatever the hell else you think you need to do.

Why? Because sunlight tells your body "oh shit, it really is time to wake up!" More importantly, it starts a 16-hour timer. Once that timer starts, your body will naturally want to crash when it's actually bedtime, instead of at 4AM when you're halfway through your tenth YouTube video about why dolphins are actually aliens. (Which, by the way spoiler alert: they are.)

The Actual Steps:

1. Wake up at the same time EVERY day (yes, even weekends, you degenerate)

2. Go outside for 15 minutes IMMEDIATELY

3. No screens for the first hour (your TikTok feed can wait)

4. No caffeine until AFTER your morning sunlight

5. Keep your room cool at night but LET IT WARM UP in the morning

Pro Tips:

• If you're struggling to wake up, turn off your AC or turn on a heater. Your body will get the message.

• Walk around the block if you want, but do it in silence. No podcasts, no music. Just you and your thoughts (scary, I know).

• If you live in a city where morning sounds include some asshat blasting music through their garbage-bag window repair, then yeah, put on headphones.

The Actual Science (For You Nerds Who Want Proof): Look, I actually did my homework on this shit. Your eyes have these special cells called ipRGCs (yeah I'm not typing out that full name, fuck that) that basically act like your body's light sensors. When morning sunlight hits these bad boys, they send a signal to your brain's master clock - the suprachiasmatic nucleus, or SCN if you're not trying to sound like a pretentious dickhead.

This SCN thing? It's like your body's DJ - dropping hormone beats to keep you awake during the day and sleepy at night. Morning light tells it "Yo, start the party," and about 12 to 16 hours later it's like "Last call, motherfuckers!" That's when it starts pumping out melatonin - the hormone that makes you sleepy.

This isn't some bro-science bullshit. There are actual studies showing this works. But I'm not here to make you read scientific papers - I'm here to get your ass out of bed before noon.

The Reality Check: This is going to suck for the first week. You're going to hate it. You're going to hate me. You're going to hate whoever showed you this post. But you know what sucks more? Being 35 and still having the sleep schedule of a college freshman during finals week.

TL;DR: Get your ass outside first thing in the morning, keep a consistent schedule, and stop pretending your 3AM bedtime makes you special. Your body knows how to sleep - you just need to stop fighting it. Also, dolphins are definitely aliens.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EDIT: Want to address a couple of things:

"What if I wake up before the sun?"

Well first off, please pat yourself on the shoulder cause you're a trooper my friend! Not everyone wakes up at the crack of noon like some of us degenerates. If you're up before the sun, the same rules apply - just fake it 'til you make it. Bright indoor lighting is your next best bet. Hit yourself with as much light as possible (overhead lights, lamps, hell, even your fridge light if you're desperate). The goal is to trick your body into thinking it’s daytime, even if you need to turn your living room into a Vegas strip... Hmm.. Know what? Party lights! Yeah! Party lights!

"What if I live in a place like Fargo, or Alaska, or somewhere where even the Sun as Social Anxiety and won't show up?"

Bro I got you! Get yourself a therapy lamp. 10,000 lux. That means super bright light, like daylight indoors. And get it in blue! Blue light is easiest on the skin and eyes! So, what is a therapy lamp? These bad boys mimic natural sunlight and can help keep your body's sleep-wake cycle in check, even if it's pitch black outside. Just park yourself in front of one for 15-30 minutes in the morning - pretend you’re basking on a tropical beach. Go make yourself a Mai Thai. You can't be drunk all day if you don't start in the morning, so 2 birds, one cup!

And once the sun does come up? Get your ass outside and soak it in like your life depends on it. Because, well... it kind of does.

(Note: I do not endorse alcoholism or morning/day drinking, despite me having a career as a Sailor in the US Navy. Not openly at least.)

1. 20s are a time to take risks and chase your dreams

2. Having no friends is better than having not good friends

3. Sleep is king

4. Marketing yourself matters more than improving yourself

5. Older people will not respect you just because of your age. It is OK to walk away from them

6. Be with someone you see a future with from day 1

7. Believe in yourself not just with words but with actions

8. It takes more courage to quit than stay at a path that doesn’t work for you

9. Invest money early

10. It is your path, your story, and your life. Don’t let anyone influence how to live it.

All I've been hearing:

• Less brain fog

• more energy

• clearer skin

What I've been experiencing:

• pee

Seriously guys. I hate seeing this shit. I understand and appreciate that you want to get better but relying on random strangers online to do something is never going to work.

The only way to get something done and develop the discipline to do it comes from YOU. Stop asking for upvotes to help you. Help yourself. Get inspiration from others on the journey to self improvement. Stop relying on numbers to motivate you.

After 10+ years of battling this demon, I saw my old plug today at the hotel. He asked me if I wanted to smoke a bowl, and I knew he wasn't talking about weed, man was GEEKIN'. Cue heart-racing/ sweating balls. Adrenaline fucking PUMPIN'. And for the first fucking time since I started this hell, I SAID NO GUYS. I FUCKING DID IT. I'm at home now, and this feels surreal. I have no-one else to share this with, I just wanted to get it out. I love you guys. <3

EDIT: R.I.P. Inbox. I can't believe all the love and support i'm getting here. I basically gave up on people as a whole, but you guys show me time and time again that the fight is worth it, and there ARE good souls out there. I love you guys so goddamn much it hurts. Thank you times infinity. <3

1. After loving my spouse, my parents, my children & grandchildren, and my friends, I have now started loving myself.

2. I have realized that I am not “Atlas”. The world does not rest on my shoulders.

3. I have stopped bargaining with vegetable & fruit vendors. A few pennies more is not going to break me, but it might help the poor fellow save for his daughter’s school fees.

4. I leave my waitress a nice tip (preferably in cash). The extra money might bring a smile to their face. They are toiling much harder for a living than I am.

5. I have learned not to correct people even when I know they are wrong. The onus of making everyone perfect is not on me. Peace is more precious than perfection.

6. I give compliments freely & generously. Compliments are a mood enhancer not only for the recipient, but also for me. And a small tip for the recipient of a compliment, never, NEVER turn it down, just say "Thank You.”

7. I walk away from people who don't value me. They might not know my worth, but I do.

8. I remain cool when someone plays dirty to outrun me in the rat race. I am not a rat & neither am I in any race.

9. I am not embarrassed by my emotions. It’s my emotions that make me human.

10. I have learned to live each day as if it's the last. After all, it might be the last.

11. I keep my aches and pains to myself unless specifically asked. It’s nice to share but only when invited. We all have our health issues as we get older but that doesn’t mean we want to hear a non-stop litany of everyone else’s physical ailments.

12. I am responsible for my happiness, and I owe it to myself. So I am trying to do what makes me happy. Happiness is a choice. You can be happy at any time, just choose to be!

13. I’ve accepted the past, look forward to the future but always strive to live in the present.

Lastly: Be Grateful!! Live a life of gratitude and appreciation. For all its flaws and trials, this is the only life we have, so be grateful for it. Appreciate everything, the good and the bad cuz that's what life is about.

Take what you can use, ignore the rest, live a good life and be kind to each other, we're all we've got.

So, to start off I have ADD and possibly also Aspie (didn't get to official diagnose, just multiple doctors hints)

I have spent my entire life alone, never met my father (turned out he already had a family and kids and my mom was just a teenage party fun), mother consequently abandoned me at grands. Finding any friends was nearly impossible due to my differences. Despite being really smart as a kid (learned to read and write early enough to be accused by other kids and teachers of "learning the whole text at home by memory with help from parents", learned programming games on C64 with only rudimentary English knowledge and logic at 12yo, didn't have books or internet) I kept failing classes, skipping entire days just to avoid bullies and social situations, being hit and laughed at by griuos of bigger boys etc... Just school life. Because of that I barely finished elementary and then did a cheap adults school of IT. No uni for me. Poor family, no internet back then, couldn't do any private stuff. I felt stupid and hated school and learning.

I have spent my entire childhood and half of adulthood locking myself up in mmorpg games, doing nothing productive or positive. No jobs for years, and when I did get one I soon did something stupid socially and get fired.

I have been actively hating myself and destroying my life from the start all the way till I turned 35. At that moment, I was low enough to hit the bottom and that gave me something to jump up off. I went to live in another country on a whim decision. I picked up learning piano and game dev again. I picked up learning art, and languages. I fell in love with high quality music. I love simply creating and doing things again, without it being dependant on opinions of others.

Since then I have learned to love myself, and not fight for others attention and acceptance. I got a well paid, high position job. I bought myself everything I have dreamed of, things that allow me to pursue my numerous hobbies and special interests that I have ignored all my life as "childish and unworthy of time" based on external opinions. I became egoistic to the point of actually being happy with my own happiness, not others.

While I still lack any kind of close, or even far friends, or any family other than my gran, I feel like... Life is worth living. There are things to do out there, goals that we can reach, and reasons to exist that we ourselves can create or find, and not just hope to be "given". I no longer feel like waking up after sleep is competely optional, and not even welcome really. I believe I have, more or less, fixed my broken life.

Why even write all that? Because we're getting too many "i destroyed my life at 18/20/25" threads. You have not destroyed anything. We are all learning, all our lives, and there is no point at which you can't fix everything up - no matter how much you think you mess up.

-- EDIT: Thank you so much for all the replies and passed on love everyone! At the moment of writing I had no clue the situation will resonate with so many great people - I sincerely wish all of you to succeed as well!

To answer some of the questions that keep being asked:

1. I have moved to the UK, and lived there for several months but that is not where I got my current job - I have failed there terribly, worked the lowest night shift jobs there are, and walked hungry, sick and broken more times than I can count before coming back for those, and many other reasons. I still think it was one of my best decisions to try, ever - it taught me a LOT and living there with the thought of staying at first, and trying to integrate and think like people in that country let me experience a completely different society, mindset and culture, nothing that simply being a tourist and travelling around gives you - and that is what I believe was a big part of what helped me change things up when I finally came back. A fresh look on life and how things can work. I did not see going back as a "failure" and end of the world - but simply another part of the adventure!

2. For the people asking for the way I got my job - I am sorry, despite my bearded, long-haired looks I am not Jesus and I do not have all the answers. I can only share what helped me, but can not guarantee it's the "one way" to make things work, just hope a part of it helps you too!

Before the travel, I was in a mindset of "try to find a job you can do and like to do ['perfect' job, which doesn't exist], cherry pick, and if you find one desperately stay there because you might never find anything else!". After coming back, I started applying to all kinds of jobs that were even close to what I could do a little bit [IT (I only had a little technical knowledge, I mainly used the PC to play games before), driving, some office work], even if I did not fully fit within the requirements.

Then I have found the job I am at right now.

• It required some administration experience... I thought well, due to my years of MMO addiction and authority issues I was always creating and leading my own guilds, working spritesheets of members, coding little programs to help me manage large numbers of individuals, that's... kind of like administration right? Right?

• It required knowledge of multiple systems I have either never used, or even heard about [Active Directory for example... I simply spent a few hours watching youtube tutorials here.], [Another example was a weird system I could not find tutorials for anywhere, which turned out to be an internal system used in the services and built for them, so understandably there were not any books or youtube tutorials about it]

• It required knowledge of certain government laws about the medical system, which luckily were available on the gov websites, so I gave it a few reads - I have never worked a position like that before, or had any knowledge about laws like that, so it was a completely new experience

Simply put, I tried my best to fill up holes and put in time to be a "fit" INSTEAD of [like previously] instantly flagging it as "I have no experience in this, I don't know what those things are, it's not a position for me", and then I went on with it - applied for the position with all the necessary documents, not just a simple "hey, im interested, hit me up", and went to the interview when invited - without any kind of hope of getting it, or despairing that I might not - simply to see how will it go, how does it look like, and if I needed to prepare anything better next time. Seeing the interview as just another experience, and not something that "decides my life and if I fail I'm doomed". Not something "way above me". Just like with all the previous interviews I went to after changing my approach to them. And this time, after a few days or weeks [by the end of that month if I'm not wrong], when I did not even expect them to contact me again - I have received the call, and started a week after that. :-) No matter what was it - luck, random chance, whatever you call it - it would not happen if I did not do the steps I did - preparing, learning, and then just going there. It would not happen if I gave up after one of the previous failures and lack of calls back.

That's what I think worked for me - doing my best to prepare, not worrying overmuch over things I can't control [can't suddenly pop 5 years of experience in something you had none in] and just keeping trying, no matter how many times you fail and feel like it will never work.

3. Yes, my life is still not "perfect", and I never expect it to because that's not possible. There will always be problems. But I think it's important to not focus on them, and thinking your life is over because of one too many rejections, and instead appreciating the good things that happen - no matter how small they are. And I still think, as of right now and compared to MYSELF from the past - my life and attitude is fixed, and I am ready for the challenges ahead - much more than I ever was before. Giving up is no longer an option that I see as a "possibility" in life.

4. How do I deal with having no friends, wife/girl or much family [other than granma - I am so fucking grateful for everything she and gran, when he was alive, did, even if there were problems and it was not a "perfect situation" and for her simply being there - if she needs me I will come back from another country, drop my job and sell everything I own if that's what's needed to help. I am not very social, but (or maybe because of that) I believe if you do have someone close, even just a single person, they are worth more than ANYTHING you could ever own or accomplish.] - close socializing in the real world is pretty much not possible for me. I no longer have a paralyzing social phobia induced by years of getting bullied as a kid, I can be friendly and talk with people, and I can stand up to them and react pretty bad when I sense they're the bully type [instead of making me feel helpless it just triggers me now], but forming a deeper connection just does not seem to work anymore irl. Therefore I find ways to silence the loneliness so it does not keep me from doing things that make me happy - I got a VR headset and when it gets bad I go into VR chat and just hang around people. It's much easier for someone like me to just join a group of people chatting in there and join in, where irl it would be pretty damn awkward - imagine having a dinner with your work colleagues, talking about personal shit and suddenly some random stranger stands next to you and stares! :-D I also believe, due to my numerous hobbies and limited time, that having internet friends simply suits me better. We can always talk or do things whenever I have my phone on me, I don't have to sacrifice piano time, or game dev time to travel across the city for an hour and then spend time half enjoying it, half hoping I could already go back to doing my things.

So, again - simply found my niche. Didn't overthink everyone saying it's "wrong", "go out and meet real people", "force yourself to be someone else", "internet friends are not friends" or care about it - I know this works for me, it fills the hole, and is more beneficial than the other thing, so I simply do that. And if I find a similar person, that also needs just that somewhere deep in the internets - who's to judge if it's "right" or "wrong" if we're both better off because of it? :-) If you can't move a rock, find a way around it!

That's what mostly worked for me - if any of it can make your day better, find your own way or just rekindle the hope a bit - I'll be happy for you! And I'm so, SO sorry for the edit being such a brain dump - I just chased the squirrels all over there.. Hopefully it's at least partially readable.

Much love, never give up. <3

It’s true, sorry.

I’m 25F and had severe brain fog from age 15 to 25 that progressively worsened. I tried everything: clean eating, cold showers, social media detoxes, brain games, fish oil, memory pills, fixing iron and vitamin D, drinking 2L of water daily, speech lessons, strict sleep schedules (7.5 hours nightly for years), and intermittent fasting. Nothing helped.

The brain fog affected my memory, speech, and processing. I couldn’t keep a job longer than 10 months because I struggled to follow conversations and forgot things easily managers had to email instructions since I couldn’t process verbal ones. It also damaged my friendships: I’d forget important things friends told me, lose words mid-sentence, mispronounce common English words (despite it being my native language), and came across as “dumb.”

Three months ago, during a routine checkup, my doctor noted my resting heart rate on the higher end of normal range and suggested daily brisk walking. I’d been mostly sedentary and never did much moving around besides house chores and the rare hike. I started with 10 minutes and worked up to 30 minutes daily. Since then, my brain fog has completely disappeared and I mean completely. I breathe deeply instead of shallowly, think clearly, remember conversations, and have laser-sharp focus it feels like my brain is finally getting enough oxygen after being starved for many years. I only noticed improvements after consistently brisk walking for 1 month and ensured I was always nasal breathing while walking. Please try brisk walking 30 minutes for at least a month it will be a game changer!!!

Last year, I realized I was totally mentally burned out. Every free second, I was reaching for my phone. Whether it was mindlessly scrolling Instagram, checking for notifications, or cycling through the same three apps for no reason, it felt like my brain was stuck in a loop 90% of the time.

It wasn’t just about wasting time... I was restless during “quiet” moments. Waiting in line, sitting in silence, even being on a walk… my hand would automatically go to my phone.

So I decided to do something drastic: a dopamine reset. I knew I had to retrain my brain to find satisfaction outside of endless scrolling. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked better than anything else I’ve tried.

Here’s what helped:

1. A 30-Day Detox: I started by cutting my screen time in half over the first two weeks. I didn’t go cold turkey, but I set up strict limits for social media and distractions.

2. Redirect Habits: Every time I wanted to grab my phone, I reached for a book or went outside instead. It sounds small, but it made a huge difference in breaking the cycle.

3. Strict App Blocking: I set up windows that were impossible to skip—mornings and evenings became completely phone-free. It’s wild how much clarity you can get when you’re not bombarded with notifications first thing.

4. Relearn Boredom: At first, being bored was hard. But over time, I realized it’s where all the best ideas and calm moments come from. Now, I actually enjoy those “empty” minutes.

It’s been a few months, and I feel more focused, calm, and present than I have in years. I’m still not perfect—some days, I slip back into old habits. But overall, I’ve learned that finding balance with your phone isn’t just about productivity. It’s about taking control of your mind.

Spend most of my weekends doing a whole bunch of nothing. Mostly just going to the gym and smoking weed. Today I decided to go to a meetup at a bar. I’m tired of being lonely. I have zero friends lol. I’m about to walk in and I’m nervous. Wish me luck. 🍀

Edit - it went good. The people were really nice. I had a good time. I really need to keep putting myself out there. Still ending the night with some weed but taking it as a win. Thanks for the encouragement!

For years, I thought my problem was a lack of motivation. I’d research the best productivity hacks, buy planners I never used, and analyze my failures like a scientist studying bacteria. But the real issue? I was waiting for the 'perfect plan' instead of taking action.

I told myself I needed:

The perfect fitness plan before I could start exercising.

The perfect investment strategy before putting money into the market.

The perfect moment to start learning a new skill, otherwise, I’d just quit anyway.

I convinced myself I was being “smart” by overanalyzing every decision. In reality, I was just procrastinating.

Then something clicked. I realized that small, imperfect actions beat the best-laid plans never executed. So I made a rule:

"Do the thing at 70% readiness. Adjust later."

I started walking instead of waiting for the perfect workout routine.

I set up a simple investment plan instead of obsessing over every possible risk.

I started practicing a new language, mistakes and all, instead of waiting until I "felt ready."

The result? Momentum. When I stopped trying to predict the future and just did something, progress became inevitable.

So if you’re stuck in analysis paralysis, ask yourself: What could I start doing today at 70% readiness? It won’t be perfect. But it will be real. And real beats perfect every time.

no, i don't see this as a milestone or anything like that, but might as well brag anyways lol into the internet void. she was like, how the fuck does someone like you even exist? you've never been in a relationship, never even kissed a girl, how are you this emotionally mature? i gave her a pretty loaded answer because i honestly didn't know what to say. I trauma dumped a little and said I've been through multiple traumatic things and protected my sanity through dissociating for a couple decades and it wasn't until recently i decided to wake up. but hear me out guys if you are struggling with loneliness, I got to where I was at before I met her. I didn't change after I met her. Nothing about my life would have changed if I got laid and getting laid doesn't change anything either besides being able to use the virgin insult now in online gaming officially. you can look at my journey on my profile regarding my other posts to see how i progressed mentally. not that any of this matters, i just want to feel special for a moment.

I’m in my 40s and I’ve got four kids.

Here’s some things changed that nobody warned me about.

You stop caring about things that used to consume you.

Someone doesn’t like you? Fine. That used to ruin my week. Now it barely registers. I don’t have the energy to perform for people who don’t matter to me, and I don’t want to.

Your tolerance for bullshit drops off a cliff.

Small talk that goes nowhere. People who complain but never change anything.

Drama for the sake of drama. I used to engage with all of it. Now I just leave the room. Quite often literally.

You realize most of the stuff you worried about in your 20s was noise. Career panic, status anxiety, what people thought of my clothes, my car, my choices. Almost none of it mattered.

The things that actually mattered were the ones I wasn’t paying enough attention to.

You get more honest. I say no more often. I tell people what I think.

For my loved ones I also tolerate more. I’ve learned life needs to be lived to learn, whilst before I believed everything could be explained and improvement would follow

You start noticing time differently. You start doing the math.

If I’m lucky I get maybe 40 more summers. That’s not a lot. It makes you pickier about how you spend them and who you spend them with.

The biggest one: you realize nobody has it figured out. At 20 I assumed adults had some secret knowledge I hadn’t unlocked yet. Now I can confirm: nobody knows what they’re doing. Some of us are just better at looking calm while we improvise.

The body stuff is real too. Things hurt now that didn’t used to. Recovery takes longer. But honestly that part is manageable. The mental shift is the thing nobody prepares you for, and it’s mostly good.

What changed for you?

• Trying to please everyone

• Thinking you’re not good enough

• Sacrificing your happiness for others

• Overthinking

• Fearing the change you so desperately need

• Beating yourself up over past mistakes

• Being afraid to be different

• Living in the past

I've gone off the deep end researching what makes a best life.

I wrote this all out basically for myself to organize my thoughts and give myself guidance, but figured it could be very useful to people who like the "Rules for Life" approach to things.

How I see it, life breaks down into 5 main categories

1. Purpose

2. Relationships

3. Health

4. Finances

5. Environment

You can basically take any other category and fit it in there imo.

I realized that you don't need to be a 10/10 in all of these areas to live your best life.

For example, once you get to an 8 out of 10 in any category, the incremental benefits dwindle. As an extreme example, if you have $10M, you can pretty much do whatever you want. Getting from $10M to $100M won't increase your overall happiness nearly as much as getting from $40k to $100k would. That's going from high stress to a comfortable life. MASSIVE IMPROVEMENT.

Same applies for the other categories. If you're an 8 out of 10 on health, you probably look and feel pretty damn good. Maybe you're not a trained athlete but you're fit and have energy. Getting to a 10 isn't going to change your life very much.

And so on.

But what's really interesting is that each has a minimum threshold that humans need to feel like they're living a quality life.

If you're below any one of the following things, it's impossible to live your best life, even if you're at a 10/10 in every other category.

So what are the minimum thresholds in each category for human happiness?

Purpose

• literally have any sense of purpose in life

  • people with a strong sense of purpose had a 43% lower risk of death

  • time spent in flow states (deep work, meaningful play, creative hobbies) has a 3x stronger positive impact on happiness than passive relaxation

  • people with high purpose had a 52% lower risk of developing Alzheimer’s

  • individuals with high purpose reported 32% lower rates of depression and 40% lower rates of anxiety

  • high purpose was linked to 23% lower risk of heart disease and 19% lower risk of stroke

  • every Blue Zone has a shared strong sense of ikigai (japanese for reason for being)

  • people with a defined purpose reported 2.5x higher life satisfaction than those without one

  • people who “use their strengths daily in meaningful ways” are 3.6x more likely to describe their lives as “thriving.”

  • 70% of people who say they “live their purpose at work” reported being engaged and satisfied, versus only 15% of those without purpose

  • entrepreneurs with high-purpose founders report 34% higher well-being scores

  • you get the point

• avoid wasting life on things that don't matter

  • people who intentionally design their days (clear priorities, aligned actions) report 3.5x higher life satisfaction

  • time spent in flow states (deep work, creativity, meaningful play) correlates strongly with long-term happiness

  • people who watch 3+ hours of TV/day report the lowest overall life satisfaction scores among all leisure activities measured

  • watching >2 hrs/day is linked to a 23% higher risk of depression and lower perceived life meaning

  • people who identified as very happy watched 30% less TV than those who reported being unhappy

  • people who spend 3+ hours/day on social media report 60% higher rates of anxiety and depression

  • limiting social media use to ≤30 minutes/day led to significant improvements in life satisfaction, sleep, and overall well-being within just 3 weeks

  • passive scrolling (consuming without engaging) correlates with 22% lower self-esteem and 28% higher regret afterward

  • people in the top 10% of social media usage are twice as likely to report feeling “dissatisfied with their time use

  • people who spend most free time in passive leisure (TV, social media, aimless browsing) score 23% lower on life satisfaction than those engaged in active leisure (exercise, hobbies, learning, socializing)

  • people who reflect on their daily activities show 40% more regret when they spent large chunks of time passively consuming vs. doing meaningful activities

Relationships

• have at least 1-3 supportive relationships

  • people with strong relationships lived up to 12 years longer on average

  • loneliness increases the risk of early death as much as smoking 15 cigarettes per day

  • positive relationships correlate with lower cortisol levels and reduced systemic inflammation, key markers for healthy aging

  • social isolation increases the risk of premature death by 29% and dementia by 50%

  • people who self-identified as lonely were 2.5x more likely to experience depression and anxiety disorders

  • people with strong social ties scored 4x higher on life satisfaction than those without, regardless of income level

  • quality relationships have 3x more impact on life satisfaction than earning more money

  • people who reported having 3+ close friends were 96% more likely to describe their life as thriving

  • perceived social rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain which means poor relationships literally hurt

  • people with supportive partners showed 40% stronger immune responses to common colds

  • happily partnered individuals have lower blood pressure, better heart health, and fewer chronic diseases

• have 0 toxic relationships

  • toxic relationships are worse for your health than no relationships

  • chronic exposure to pessimism and criticism rewires your brain for threat detection, increasing anxiety and lowering emotional resilience

  • people in high-conflict marriages had a 34% higher risk of heart disease vs. those in low-conflict marriages

  • people in high-conflict, high-stress jobs are 50% more likely to experience burnout and 23% more likely to develop depression

• be part of a community

  • feeling connected to where you live boosts happiness scores 2.3x

Health

• sleep at least 6 hours / night

  • people who consistently sleep <6 hours/night have a 33% higher risk of death from all causes

  • chronic short sleep (<6 hrs) raises risk of heart disease by 48% and stroke by 15%

  • if you get more than 6 hrs of sleep you'll have

    • 23% lower risk of depression

    • 34% better memory retention

    • 2.2x higher life satisfaction vs. <6 hrs

• move your body for at least 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week

  • exercise is the single most powerful predictor of long-term health

  • just 11 minutes/day of brisk walking reduces risk of early death by 23%

• eat healthy

  • people with the highest diet quality scores lived 12-14 years longer on average than those with the lowest

  • eat at least 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day

    • ≥5 servings fruits/veggies per day = 31% lower mortality risk

  • keep ultra-processed foods less than 50% of your calorie intake

    • ultra-processed foods (>50% calories) = 62% higher risk of metabolic syndrome

  • keep processed sugar less than 25% of your calorie intake

    • added sugars >25% calories/day = 2x higher likelihood of obesity and diabetes

• treat chronic diseases

  • people who manage chronic conditions like hypertension and diabetes

    • live 6-8 years longer on average

    • report 25% higher self-rated well-being

• manage mental health

  • high chronic stress levels shorten telomeres, accelerating cellular aging by up to 10 years

  • regular mindfulness practices like meditation, breathing, and journaling lead to

    • 43% lower rates of depressive relapse

    • 32% lower systemic inflammation markers

• avoid addiction

  • substance

    • alcohols cut their life expectancy by 10-15 years

    • smoker shorten their lifespan by 10 years on average

    • drug addicts have a strong correlation with chronic anxiety, poor sleep, and reduced cognitive performance

  • behavioral

    • people who spend >3 hrs/day on social platforms report 60% higher rates of anxiety and depression

    • porn addiction is associated with lower relationship satisfaction, impaired motivation, and reward system desensitization

    • gambling & dopamine loop overactivation of reward pathways leads to reduced baseline happiness and more compulsive behavior

Finances

• make at least $40k / year in the US

  • obvi different if you're in big cities like NY or Miami etc.

  • people making <$40k report 2.7x higher daily stress and 50% lower life satisfaction

• have at least 3 months of emergency savings

  • people with at least 3 months saved are

    • 2.8x more likely to thrive

    • 50% less likely to report anxiety

• keep debt less than 35% of income

  • people above 50% debt-to-income are 2x more likely to experience depression and chronic financial stress

Environment

• live somewhere safe

  • living in unsafe neighborhoods or politically unstable areas increases chronic stress, PTSD risk, and sleep disruption

• spend time outside in nature

  • people with daily exposure to green spaces report 20% higher life satisfaction

  • sunlight exposure regulates circadian rhythms and serotonin. people living in low-sunlight areas have 30% higher depression rates

TLDR: do these things to live a quality life

1. have a sense of purpose

2. avoid wasting time on things that don't matter

3. have at least 1-3 supportive relationships

4. avoid toxic relationships

5. be part of a community

6. sleep at least 6 hours / night

7. move your body for at least 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week

8. eat healthy

9. treat chronic disease

10. manage mental health

11. avoid addiction

12. make at least $40k / year in the US (adjusted for cost of living)

13. have at least 3 months of emergency savings

14. keep debt less than 35% of income

15. live somewhere safe

16. spend time outside in nature

Hope this is as helpful to you as it is for me :)

• Working out is hard, being unfit or obese is harder. • Mastering a skill is hard, living without skills is harder. • Building meaningful relationships is hard, being lonely is harder • Quitting addictions is hard, living with addictions is harder.

DO HARD THINGS, AND YOUR LIFE WILL GET EASIER. DO EASY THINGS, AND YOUR LIFE WILL GET HARDER.

Every single self-improvement podcast on YouTube sells the exact same piece of advice. They tell you that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. They tell you to cut out the dead weight, dump anyone who does not talk about business or discipline, and build a circle of high-performing killers.

I bought into that garbage hook, line, and sinker at twenty-two.

like two years ago I ghosted my high school buddies. These were guys who had known me since seventh grade, who would drop everything to give me a jump start in the snow. But because they liked playing video games on weekends and were happy working ordinary retail or trade jobs, I decided they were holding back my financial mindset. I stopped replying to the group chat. I started only hanging out with people from local business meetups and networking dinners.

Fast forward to right now. I hit my gym goals. I doubled my salary. And my life feels completely EMPTY on a Friday night. The new guys I surround myself with do not actually give a damn about me. If I lost my job tomorrow, they would stop answering my texts because my utility to their network would be zero. I traded real, unconditional human loyalty for transactional handshakes and hustle culture platitudes. its the loneliest feeling in the world. Why did we let internet gurus convince us that friendship needs a return on investment?

I used to think I was depressed. Turns out, I was just comfortable being miserable.

Like most of you, I fell down the self-improvement rabbit hole. You name it, I tried it:

• 4am cold showers (lasted 3 days)

• $200 on meditation apps I never opened

• Every YouTube guru's "morning routine"

• Journaling (my notebook has 2 entries)

• Those motivational IG pages that post wolves

None of it stuck because I was lying to myself. I wasn't actually trying to improve - I was trying to feel better about not improving.

Then I found stoicism through some random YouTube video. Started with Meditations (didn't understand half of it lol). But something clicked. These weren't some 20-year-old tiktokers telling me to "rise and grind" - these were emperors and slaves who actually lived this shit.

The harsh truth? I wasn't failing because of circumstances. I was failing because:

1. I blamed everything except myself

2. I thought watching motivation videos = taking action

3. I was addicted to comfort while pretending to want growth

Real change started when I stopped looking for inspiration and started facing reality. Been diving deeper into stoicism lately (Marcus Aurelius on a Stoic Chat app roasted my victim mentality at 2AM last week lmao). But the biggest shift happened when I finally accepted that:

• Motivation is bullshit. You either do it or you don't

• Your environment shapes you. I deleted social media, cut toxic friends

• Comfort is the enemy. If it doesn't make you uncomfortable, it's not growth

• You know what to do. You're just avoiding it

6 months later:

• Got my first real job

• Started actually going to the gym (not just buying gym clothes)

• Having real conversations instead of avoiding conflict

• Actually reading books instead of saving "how to read more" videos

Stop lying to yourself. You're not stuck - you're hiding.

Honestly...im looking for some validation. Its been hard. But also, ask me anything.