When I looked at his Apple Watch in his subscriptions it said this, but when I went on his phone it didn’t show that it was ever downloaded it said get on the App Store. I have no idea what to do. Help me with some clarify please

First post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/rEUNeR9FXK

I am not sure where to begin with this post. I was not expecting my previous post to end up with the attention it got, and I was honestly considering deleting it for my own safety in case my boyfriend accidentally saw it (he doesn't have a reddit account to my knowledge). But, I also received a lot of PMs and comments from other women who have gone through similar things, and it made me realise the importance of recognising the signs of domestic abuse, so I figure if I leave it up maybe it would help someone else in the future going through a similar thing.

These past few days have been particularly hellish for me. Two days ago and yesterday I had to act like nothing was wrong. I was really scared somehow he was going to find out I was planning on leaving. My friends, who have been the best, helped me move out everything I needed (thankfully I only had 6 boxes worth of things) which I keeping in a storage locker for now until I find a flat I want to live in. My friend is also allowing me to stay with her for the time being. I am still working with my previous flat owner to terminate my part of the lease. Luckily, due to my situation, they seem to be understanding.

And that's pretty much it. He obviously is either really mad or seemingly doesn't care (but probably does). Either way, not my problem anymore. He responded within a minute of me sending the message and he's out with his friends right now which made my heart jump a little. Thank you so much for all the comments, I read as much as I could and they made me confident this was the right decision. My self-esteem had been eroded so much by him, even questioning anything he did made me feel stupid.

I went on my laptop I don't use particularly often. It loaded up his Gmail instead of mine automatically because he used to be logged in and I was hit straight up with a Grindr subscription. I did a little snooping which I know is awful because I'm a straight woman who assumed they were in a straight relationship? Found out that the Grindr account had been active during our relationship and he was likely cheating but that isn't the real issue. Issue comes in where during my snooping I look in the trash because rn I'm just trying to figure out this mans sexuality for my own closure since he was still pulling me with the "maybe in the future but not now" last I heard of him. I find a message to a girl who I have now uncovered to be 14 with further research and it's very obvious she's 14 on all platforms (wearing school uniform and things)...hes 19 turning 20...do I tell someone? The message calls her "sexy" and is very flirtatious. I was thinking of telling his mum so it wouldn't be life ruining if it does end up somehow being a misunderstanding. It's really eating at me because it's an EMAIL so what if there's more on his other socials? But what if I just look bitter? I really can't tolerate any form of pedophilia and I feel really guilty. I didn't mean to find this and I feel awful for looking but now I know so what do I do??? I still love him and I don't fucking want to anymore I'm disgusted

So a year ago my ex left me for this guy and now they’ve broken up and she asked me if we can try again. Obviously I’m not going to but I struggled to block her right away. What do you all think. The last year has been slow and painful for me, is she just trying to use me to cope from her current breakup?

I was one week late and I told my partner and this is how he responded

UPDATE: thank you much for your comments!! We are officially broken up today!! I feel sad and angry but it made me realize that he doesn’t really care about me.

For my m29th birthday, my girlfriend f28 bought me some beautiful flowers. She said she finds it sad that men are never receiving any flowers and then she just gave me this.

For me it felt better than any other gift, because it shows how much she cares about me being seen and feeling loved.

I think that’s something, most guys need to push themselves becoming better for the family and beeing reminded that they are just appreciated.

How do you guys think about that? And I know I’m a happy guy, don’t need any advice but I’m sure some people could take something out of it?🙂

I found out my bf cheated on me recently and I don’t know how to take it. I’m furious and heartbroken that he broke this trust between us. I never thought he would do something like this. He says he will never do it again and he feels horrible. He wants to make it up to me and fix things. I believe him but I’m conflicted.

I need input. Anyone have similar experiences? Maybe where people try again with someone who cheated and it worked out in the end? I really love him. And I know he loves me. F: 20, M: 21

TL;DR Met wife wife. Informed her she will be an ex. Worked out visitation with the kids.

Thought I would update. This has been a busy week. Daughter's graduation over last weekend, moving her back, kids sports starting, meeting with lawyer, and sit down with the wife.

I will try to keep it short, I have written this now 3 times,because of length I keep cutting it back. Met with my lawyer Tuesday. We discussed what I wanted to do. I told him how I wanted to be in the boys life. If that means remaining married then so be it, I still have love for the wife but no longer trust. He advised that in his experience it would be wrong to continue the marriage as it would be a charade of one. Overall a crappy marriage the boys would suffer. The prenup was violated that will hold. Wife is not entitled to any support. He suggests that we work together to come up with a visitation plan that works for both. Child support will be up to me but again anything we work out will be looked on favorably by the court. He added that there have been cases where judges have ruled that a Step Parent that has been in the child's life for a long time, where they have supported them should pay child support. He didn't think the judges in our local courts have ruled that way but they may at some time. Once she gets a lawyer everything will be tougher. Get it worked out before then.

He tells me in their weekly partners meeting they go over new and upcoming cases. My original attorney only did Elder Law and Estate Planning . My new attorney does Family Law. The others do Criminal and Liability. A few hours after the meeting Criminal Attorney, CA, comes into his office and told him the $15,000 in back child support just didn't sound right ( the amount is pretty close to what the ex should gave paid). His thought how does a middle class person get his hands on that much cash. The CA made a call to a contact in the prosecutors office in the county. It turns out the ex never "abandoned" wife and kids, he was in jail on drug charges. He was tied to a Federal case. He was granted early release 3 years ago, when the Feds were releasing nonviolent prisioners to ease over crowding. I don't know if they are interested in him now, but the CA seems to think he went back to his old profession. They really are divorced we checked again.

So Thursday comes around for us to meet. Wife and FIL come over to the house. It was very uncomfortable. Up until the Tuesday meeting I was still on the fence on what to do. I started off with saying I was going to record the meeting so there would be no misinterpretation of what transpired. They both agreed. I asked if she had consulted an attorney. She had not. I advised her to get one because there will be a divorce. That statement took the air out of the room. Wife asks if we could speak alone for a couple minutes before we continue, I agreed. She asks FIL to give us space.

She started to apologize. I cut her off. I did not want excuses. I told her that she violated my trust by not only cheating but lying to me. She asked how. I told her I know a lot more than she thinks. I knew she was just going to lie more. So I asked about the $15000 why she never told me. She thought for a second. She never had that much money at one time and just kept it to herself. She still had the cash. I asked if she questioned where it came from, ex knew he owed it to her and the kids and when he got enough that's why he showed up. So right away she is lying. I told her I knew the deep dark family secret, ex was in jail. I asked where he has been for the last 3 years since release, had she met up with him? She was shocked I knew but the look on her face that he was out for 3 years told me she did not know. He contacted her end of January.

We discussed the fact that ex wanted to sell me the boys for his vacating parental rights. She claims not to know this. I asked how long has the sex been going on, she said the one time. I called BS. I told her I had the camera set up for a while. I showed her a clip where she actually dusted the TV and never notice the camera on top. It wasn't big but it was very obvious. Note I only had the camera a few days but what the hell I just went with it. She thought it was part of video game system. She then admitted it started in March. 2 full months. So she had told me another lie.

At this point we called FIL back in. I was done with the lies. We then get into what I want, the boys. At this point we are recording. They both object but eventually we come to the agreement the boys can come over whenever, but stay with her. I would stay in the lives and provide what I feel is appropriate. I expected her to return to work, not to expect me to support her. I reminded her of the prenup and that she violated it. I said she can not work the boys to ask for things, because they will be honest with me when I ask if they were put up to get something from me. I did say that I knew eventually she would have another man in her life, considering her age, and that I would not cause any issues once I felt he had the best interests of the boys. By then they could be beyond the confusion stage and could decide how they will react to another step dad.

One last thing redditors, wife and I both are avid followers of different subs. We spent many evenings side by side reading our favorites and sharing with each other. She has read my post, figured out by my descriptions that it was me. She saw your reactions. While I wish I could have used most of your replies she read them all and commented how you "savaged" her. Thank you.

1 (30 F) found out that just before proposing to me, my husband (then boyfriend 32M) asked his much younger coworker for nude photos. We had been together for 5 years at that time. This was 2 years ago but I just found out, and we had a baby 3 months ago. WTF do Ido? WWYD? I knew something was up with this girl for years, and he alway would deny it. They say that nothing physical happened, just flirting and photos for a month or so. Mind you, this was just before proposing to me AND months after my sister passed away. While I was grieving.

Long post ahead: I just wanted to post this and hear everyone’s thoughts. For context, we split up about 4 months ago. He neglected my son and I emotionally, physically, and mentally since February this year. His body was in the home, but he was not there with us emotionally or mentally. I felt extremely alone, and now that I look back I might as well have been single. I caught him cheating on me in June, and he asked me to give him an opportunity to make things right, so I did… only to find out in July that he never stopped the affair. During this time he was providing this girl with food, and buying her nice little things. Instead of making sure we had groceries at home, and he didn’t even get me a birthday gift around the time he bought her a a new bracelet after one that she really liked broke. When we split, he agreed to pay our rent until I was able to get completely stable. (I am a 2nd year teacher, still finishing school) so it’s hard to financially provide for my son and I completely on my own. This past month my entire check went to bills, and catching up on bills that he let get completely behind. I was bummed out and sad because that meant it would be harder to get my son everything he wants for Christmas. About 12 days before rent was due he told me he’s not able to pay it after all. Keep in mind, he lives at his moms and has 0 bills to pay except his new cell phone line. He doesn’t even have a car, so I’m sure he doesn’t pay for gas. He doesn’t have to pay for groceries, any of that. Since he has been gone, he hasn’t offered to take care of our son financially. In the beginning of our separation he verbally said he does not want to be put on Child Support. I was okay with that, as long as he provided. He hardly ever checked on our son, he would ask for him maybe every two weeks… he’s been doing his own thing, while I’ve been home with our son healing what he broke. Every time I see him he’s in new clothes, and shoes… and he’s been making a lot of Amazon purchases including a curling iron (I guess for whatever chick he’s talking to) Anyways, this is just a little idea of what this man has done to me. Well… this past Wednesday I filed for Child Support and decided not to tell him anything. I didn’t want to fight or argue, or have him convince me why I shouldn’t. I received an email from Child Support services today, and I’m assuming he did as well. He texted me this. I was with my two coworkers when I received it, and they both high fived me, and said he blindsided me when he cheated and lied, and that I don’t owe him an explanation. That was my EXACT thoughts as well. He blind sided me majority of our marriage, ESPECIALLY this year after cheating, and waking up one day and not being in love with me anymore. He blind sided me with our finances. He blindsided me when he told me last minute he couldn’t pay the rent on his own without my help. He blindsided me when he turned out to be everything I thought he wasn’t. I never responded to him. Then a few hours later he sent the second text. Just wanted to hear everyone’s thoughts! Everyone says I let him off too easy, and I should’ve done this sooner, and that I could be a lot meaner, but that’s just not who I am as a person. I do feel holding him accountable and abiding by the law is the right thing to do though. It’s only fair.

So I (23 F) got a call today saying that I tested positive for chlamydia, me and my bf (21) just celebrated our 1 year anniversary a few days ago and I haven’t been with anyone else. So of course this was a shock to me and I didn’t even know what to do at first. I kept my cool and called my bf and didn’t say anything about it I just asked if he could come over tonight and acted completely normal on the phone. I work late at night so he came over after I got off work, around 1am. I thought about how I was going to approach the situation all day and I was barely able to keep my composure through my shift at work. He got to my place and said our hellos, when he got on my bed I asked him for his phone. He gave it to me and I asked him for the password, he asked me why I wanted it and I said I wanted to see his phone. He asked what I wanted to see and I said everything. He refused to give me his password and go through his phone so I asked him what he was hiding from me. He claimed he wasn’t hiding anything or talking to any women. I asked him to tell me if there was anything that he has done that he needs to tell me. He said no. I pulled up the test results saying I’m positive for chlamydia and asked him again if there was anything he needed to tell me. He tried saying that I got chlamydia from us having sex and not taking a shower afterwards, especially because he is uncircumcised. I told him that’s not how you get chlamydia, I told him I had asked the Dr. over the phone if there was any other possible way to get chlamydia. She said no, it is a sexually transmitted disease that can only be passed by someone else that has it sexually. I told him that and this man really had the nerve to say “you’re really gonna believe a Dr” I said “yes I’m going to fucking believe a Dr over you”. I had asked him to look at his phone again and he refused, he said he had “private stuff that only him and his dad should know about” I asked him what it was and he refused to tell me. I still had his phone in my hand this whole time, but he refused to give me that password, which had never been an issue in the past. I kept trying to ask him about this private thing with him and his dad and still he refused to talk about it. I asked him why he couldn’t tell me, I told him “we’ve been together for a year, you can tell me anything, I’m a very understanding person just talk to me please” all he kept saying was “lay down and go to bed” I refused and kept asking him to tell me what was so secret and he kept refusing. He said he was just gonna go home and that I was being childish. I told him I was being anything but childish. I told him “I just found out I have chlamydia today, you’re not letting me see your phone and you’re refusing to tell me things that you’re hiding on your phone, how the fuck am I supposed to be acting right now”. I literally begged this man to just talk to me and communicate what was going on and he just didn’t say anything. I gave up and through his phone in his lap and told him I was done, that I can’t continue with this relationship if he doesn’t talk to me or communicate with me. I asked him “ is this secret really more important that our relationship to you” he tried saying that I can’t compare the two, but I told him I have no idea what this secret is. I told him I would just assume the worst, and I am. I have no idea what this private thing is but I’m assuming the worst right now if he really can’t tell me. As he was leaving I asked him, “so you’re just fine with throwing away this relationship, you don’t want to try and talk through this and communicate with me” he replied “I’m fine with going home right now”. So I let him go and I told him if he leaves this relationship is over, and he did. It’s now 2:20 am and I still have no idea how we got chlamydia (of course he did something I just don’t know what) and I have no idea what this big secret him and his dad have. I have no idea whats going to happen next, but this is not how I had planned this to go. It’s truly a shame, I really love him but I think this is the end of the relationship. Any advice or input or thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated.

Edit: it’s the next morning and yes I know there was no “big secret” with his dad, the big secret was another woman. I haven’t talked to him and I don’t plan on it. Everything just took a minute to really settle in for me because there was just so much going on at once. I haven’t cried about the situation and I don’t think I can honestly. if he really didn’t care about this relationship and it was so easy for him to fuck someone else and give me an std and lie to my face then fuck him. It just hurts because this was my first serious relationship so I wanted it to work out so much, but obviously this relationship is over and there’s no salvaging anything. I feel nothing but disgust for him now.

Edit #2: yes we are broken up for good I haven’t talked to him, I just wanted to add some background real quick that some people may enjoy. He has cancer (leukemia, he got diagnosed abt 2 months ago) and he’s infertile. I know karma will get his lying and cheating ass so I’m just leaving him alone and letting him feel the effects that karma will have to offer him

I’m so exhausted of having to prove him that I’m home every single time, I don’t even have a history of cheating and lying but I have to tell him everything I do, even if I’m just watching in Netflix. My friends are also miles away from me so I rarely go out.

It started to get worse when he dreamt of me cheating on him. Every time I don’t answer his messages, he’ll always ask where I am. When we’re having an argument and I needed space he’ll always accuse me that I went out just because I don’t wanna talk to him.

Last night was the worse he’s ever been, I was upset because he told me that they’re going to drink at his friend’s house but they ended up drinking at a small bar. He told me that he genuinely thought that he told me that they have changed the location. I also got mad because we had an agreement that he’s going into my house yet he didn’t because I was upset lol I told him to stop talking to me and stop asking where I’m at because I’m starting to get offended. He called me 69 times, even told me that he knows I’m outside and I’m not going to fool him and accused me that I gaslit him “if you can’t answer that explains everything” like who would want to answer when he’s accusing you of the things you didn’t do.

Honestly don’t know what to do anymore

I (f 29) found another girls underwear in my boyfriend's (28 M) suitcase. I am staying with my boyfriend in North Las Vegas for the weekend at his hotel. He travels for work and I get to see him every few weeks, either he stays with me or I visit him. We are obviously exclusive to each other in every way. This morning while he was at work, I went to look for a t-shirt in his suitcase and found 2 pairs of women's underwear. There is no reason he should have 2 pairs of used women's underwear in his suitcase. They were in the inside pocket, tucked into the corner under other clothes, and were clearly hidden. It could be from 1 girl or 2, as they are different sizes.

I need to bring this up to him. I tucked one pair into another article of clothing, so if I pull that out, they would come out too and I could bring it up. I could also confront him directly but I don't want to out myself for poking through his bag while gone. I am staying here with him until Monday, and I just got here yesterday. We have plans for the rest of the weekend. I'm not sure what the best way to bring it up is. I could also leave a pair of my own in there with a note but I have no idea how long it would take him to find that. Has anyone been in this situation before, and what do you think the easiest way to bring it up would be without being accusatory right off the bat?

My man was being shady and not answering his phone one night even though he had JUST messaged me saying he was at home. Something felt off about it. I told him I didn’t believe him, and then he sent this picture. This was at almost 11pm. Does anyone believe this photo was actually taken that late? I feel like something is up but don’t want to be seen as crazy after I already expressed doubt and was sent a picture. Also might do well to note that his phone conveniently “died” right after I sent a text back saying that looked like the suns rays. He texted me back an hour later and said he was home and not lying. That the phone had died while he was supposedly watching tv. Am I crazy or is this sus?

Sorry I guess original was taken down. My wife and I ( mostly me) finally calmed down a bit to discuss this whole situation. I had been avoiding her all week. We agreed to talk Sunday. We have this thing we have done over the years where we get in the car and drive. We have a very picturesque route that we take. Its not in any travel brochure. We discovered this road way back when you used folding paper maps. So anyways we start driving, it is good in that no one can stomp out of the room, I have to stay calm while driving.

She starts out apologizing for the way she dropped this on me. She had rehearsed what she wanted to say over and over but it just spilled out of her mouth wrong. She wanted to discuss opening up our marriage for the both of us. She went into her feelings of missing out. She felt now the kids were grown we could try something new in our lives. She did not think I would explode right off. I generally like to contemplate any big decisions. She thought thats what I would do here.

I explained that I do not have the same feelings of missing out. I felt as we got older we would travel a bit, together. Take up new hobbies, together. We still have many years of work until we retire. I am not focused on living apart. I wanted to enjoy our golden years with her. I told her this was a deal breaker. We took vows in front of God, our friends and family of fidelity. I felt just by suggesting this she broke our trust. We raised our kids to believe in one man one woman. They ( 2 of them) based their marriage on our example.

I told her that I was seeing a lawyer on Tuesday. I was filing for divorce. Even if she decides not to go through with it, we are done. How she reacts during the proceedings will determine how our post divorce relationship will go. I expect an equal distribution of assests, no support ( if that is a something in our state idk). I told her I will always love her, but can not live with her as man and wife. We drove for about three hours discussing our early life together, the kids their new lives how this will effect them. How to tell them. Our lives going foward. There was lots of tears from both.

So went to lawyer Tuesday. Papers are being drawn up. Will be served asap. Try to wrap everything up by fall. I told the kids individually. I explained that we came to a mutual decision. I did not discuss the lifestyle change. They were free to get their mom's perspective. Many said I should go scorched earth. I could not do that. The kids are adults they will see for themselves. I will always take the high road as it pertains to their mother. I believe we will have a peaceful divorce and life going foward.

I do want to thank all of you for insight,support and advice. I truly did listen. I have to say I was overwhelmed and am sorry I could not respond individually. Thanks again for getting through this.

A lil context, I wasn’t going through his phone. I don’t even know his password. He fell asleep with his phone unlocked and his phone dinged, which I thought was my phone and he left it open to ^ that convo. When I asked him about it he says “she’s like a little sister to me” and “she’s one of my best friends.” WHICH IS TOTAL BS!!

1. No brother talks to their little sister like that.

and

2. If it really was his “best friend” how come I’ve never heard of her? We’ve been together for 2.5 years.

It just sucks because I’ve caught him doing this before. He also never takes pictures of us or me. Idk if that’s just a me thing but I’ve had other partners that would take little pics of me and videos. I do that to him but ugh!!! Idk help

what do i do? the more i think about the fact all the girls he has liked were white and blonde. it makes me feel sick to my stomach. im asian and no where near his type, another thing is, personality wise im not the best either. it upsets me so much that i feel like im too unworthy and that he “settled for less.”

ive felt extremely jealous over his exs who seemed much prettier and better than me. maybe its because it stems for insecurity (most likely?) but i dont have a clue how to make myself feel better about this. ive just been crying for ages because of this lol

edit: sorry for not making this clear, i have a series of mental health issues which does contribute to why i feel this way at times (if this makes more sense)

My wife and I have been together for 14 years. We have two children, and our sex life started declining after our first child was born 11 years ago.
For over a decade, I’ve felt like I’m the one constantly trying to keep intimacy alive in our relationship.
We’ve been to couples therapy and even seen a sex therapist, both at my initiative. Things have improved at times, but I’ve never really been able to shake the feeling that she’s only making an effort to keep me happy, rather than because she genuinely wants me.

Four days ago, something happened that I can’t seem to get past.
I was gently touching and stimulating her clitoris, trying to be intimate with her and she was into it but then from nowhere she fell asleep.
I know people get tired. I know nobody owes anyone sex. But after years of feeling unwanted, that moment absolutely crushed me.
It wasn’t really about her falling asleep. It was about what that moment represented after 11 years of feeling like I’m the only one who actually wants physical intimacy.

The next day, she noticed I was acting differently and said I was being cold. I told her everything was fine, but eventually we ended up discussing what had happened.
I asked her whether she genuinely thought it was normal to fall asleep while your partner was touching you intimately.
She basically dismissed the whole thing as nothing. No apology, no acknowledgment of how it might have made me feel. Just nothing.

What makes it even harder is that when we first started dating, she had a higher libido than I did. I’m pretty sure that if I’d fallen asleep while she was trying to pleasure me back then, she would have been deeply hurt, possibly even ended the relationship.
Since that night, I’ve completely withdrawn from physical affection.
No initiating sex. No cuddling. No trying to create intimate moments. Nothing.

And the saddest part?

She hasn’t initiated anything either.
She seems perfectly happy with things the way they are.
Meanwhile, I feel like a zombie inside.
I’m not angry anymore. I’m not even sure I’m sad. I just feel completely empty.
For years, I’ve tried communicating, working on things, going to therapy, being patient, and finding ways to reconnect.
But something about that night made me feel like I just don’t have anything left to give.
I don’t want to keep begging to feel wanted by my own wife.

I don’t want intimacy that feels like an obligation or something she does just to keep me satisfied.
I want to feel desired. I want someone to reach for me because they genuinely want to, not because I’ve explained for the hundredth time how much it hurts when they don’t.
And right now, I don’t even have the energy to bring it up again.

I love my wife, and we’ve built an entire life together. But I’m starting to wonder whether love alone is enough when you feel this emotionally and physically disconnected.
I don’t know if I’m done with the relationship or just completely exhausted from trying.

Has anyone else reached this point where you simply stopped trying? What happened afterward? Did your relationship recover, or was that the beginning of the end?

Edit: Just to add some context, I’m also the one planning all our date nights and family activities, taking the kids to their activities, and picking her up from work whenever needed. I contribute around 95% of our household income, handle dishes and laundry when working from home, and pay for weekly cleaning.
I genuinely try to do everything I can to make her life easier and keep everyone happy.
I’m not saying any of this means she owes me sex, because she doesn’t. But it’s exhausting to constantly give so much and feel like I get almost nothing back in terms of affection, initiative, or desire.
I don’t want gratitude or obligation. I just want to feel wanted by my own wife, without always having to ask for it.

I found out my boyfriend has a circle of friends online, which he doesn't like me being involved with. His friends doesn't know he's taken and doesn't seem like he intends to tell them. There's someone who openly has a crush on him. They confess their love to my boyfriend but my boyfriend doesn't reject nor accept it, but rather tolerates it. He's been letting that person flirt with them for a month now and my boyfriend would respond with blushing emoticons and GIFS

Is this cheating? Or is this all in my head

Edit: this is my first Reddit post so I don't know how to write it well, if you have any more questions about my situation I'll gladly reply

Update: Thank you everyone for your inputs, I may have not replied to you all because I didn't expect this to blow up, but I've read all your comments and you all helped me a lot 🙇🏻

Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships_advice/s/gWtQmNWrYd

Ok guys so, I 40F and bf 36M have lived together for about a year. During that time, I was paying 70% of our rent and all the utilities so that he could pay off his car. I was ok with it when it started, and I was playing housewife too bc I shopped for us and cooked for us both and also cleaned and organized and bought things for the house to keep it nice.
Bf did pay me back his part of the groceries but it took several reminders amd cashapp requests sometimes for him to pay me back. when I saw he was habitually forgetting to pay me back for things unless I kept bringing it up, I just stopped doing his grocery shopping and cooking for him.
This was actually in a way a little sad for me, bc I genuinely LIKE cooking for him and I dont mind grocery shopping and cleaning. However it just felt like too mich on top of working fulltime and paying most of the bills.
I also noticed my bf started buying himself some very expensive toys($2000 on 2 ebikes and $500 on a nintendo switch) and lowered his working hours at work to 30 a week. Not to mention he stopped taking me out for coffees/tacos like he used to, Thats when I kind of put my foot down and told him I cant do it anymore.

Ok fast forward to today. Bf has agreed to go 50/50 with me on the rent and the internet. For the utilities he said he would pay 2/3 of them so that would average $140 for him and $70 for me.
After we hashed things out he asked if Id be ok with that and I said yes, that would take the load off my shoulders. Then he said ok so could you start cooking for me again?
I WANT to, but my mind started running logistics like I have to make lists for both of us, go buy half on my card and half on his card (he wont come with me to the grovery store) Now I have to cook for both of us AND clean up and Im realizing that is a lot. Part of me is tempted to say hey so we both work fulltime and we both pay 50/50 rent but only I am cooking and cleaning, that isnt fair. Part of me wants to just cook for myself, part of me wants him to add some ways he can help to balance out me shopping and cooking and cleaning.
Idk what I should tell him but I know its not fair for his responsabilities to be work fulltime and pay 50/50
And mine to be work fulltime, pay 50/50 AND cook, clean and run errands.

Is this a red flag?

My(31F) boyfriend (34M) and I have been together for a little over a year. A family member of his connected us and we’ve been together ever since. I thought things were going in the right direction, we’ve talked mutual end goal of marriage. Our family and friends are always asking when we’re getting engaged we were just talking rings a few weeks ago! his son and I get a long great, his family loves me,I love them and my very difficult mother adores him, so this just came as a huge blow. He’s known the password to my phone & I his. I occasionally use his phone or him mine and I’ve never felt the need to really look into it. He always has said I have access to his phone and I reciprocated it as well. The other night after he spent some time with his son and I met up with him at his place after a bridal shower something told me to check so I did. No weird text messages, I felt relieved and I almost put the phone down, but I my mind said wait instagram! So I looked and found this DM he initiated with someone he followed. He was replying to a thirst trap showing off her curves in mini dress in the reflection of the mirror. Nothing I don’t have myself, she just has a flatter tummy and I don’t dress as provocatively nor post thirst traps because of my work profession and coworkers following m, plus I feel like that’s just for my partner to enjoy. He has always been one to reassure me he’s in this for the long run and he would never cheat, but his messages were pretty point blank on what he was trying to do with her and I felt sick to my stomach. I forgot to mention he was in and out of sleeping at the time so I took everything of mine I keep at his place and left my key behind. Next day I calmly meet him and confront him. He admits to it after attempting to lie/gaslight me. He said he didn’t know what he was thinking or why he did it. He loves me he didn’t mean to hurt me. But I guess we’ll never know what would’ve happened had I not found it. It was a chat only a few hours old which was the crazy part. Maybe I should’ve waited it out to have seen what would’ve happened had I not found it. He said he had no intention of following through and he knew it wouldn’t lead to anything. Mind you if I had done this to him, he would’ve left me, no ifs and or buts. I love him, but I definitely feel like the relationship is tainted now and I don’t know if I can see a future with him as clearly as I did before. He mentions I have his location at all times and he wouldn’t have actually followed through with his messages because I obviously can see where he’s at, but I work nights and sleep during the day and I’ve never not trusted him before until now I feel like my intrusive thoughts are taking over and what if he had already physically cheated on me while I’m sleeping for work? I just can’t help but not look at him the same or feel taken advantage of as well as disrespected. Idk what to do, I love him so much but I don’t want to be a wife down the line with a family getting cheated on. My one work friend I vented to (I never air out dirty laundry to any one, but I felt I needed to this one occasion) said I should take it day by day, and see how much effort he puts in to try and fix this, but idk if that’s even possible. So I came here for insight, hopefully I get some from a man’s perspective if I should even continue this. Thanks in advance

For context, we have had a long distance relationship, his homegirls don’t know abt me yet, he plans to tell them. In summer I travelled to see him and it was all great, but after the semester started he barely shows interest or talks to me, claiming he’a just busy. He stopped complimenting my posts or anything like that. I have confronted him abt these and he says he has just been going through it. Then I see him like this post, and other posts abt fine shyt, that is situations that can’t apply to me rly. Should I be worried. It might be stupid maybe I am reading to much into this post?