Hi, I really don’t know what else to do right now, I’ve reached to to so many different animals support groups but I’m not getting answers I’m hoping I might be able to find some cat owners who have been through what i’m going through to offer their insights. Sorry for bad grammar and spelling this post is long.
I adopted a shelter cat 2 years ago from a shelter, she was pulled from the euthanasia list at a kill shelter from a foster pledge that I agreed to care for her while that foster worked things out and make space for her.
The shelter told us she was showing some “slight fear based aggression” and would likely thrive outside of a shelter environment. I agreed because obviously a loud shelter would be stressful for any living thing. They informed me the cats had manx syndrome and was fully incontient (doesn’t tolerate diapers and is very much a “imma gonna pee/poop right here where i’m standing cat) I did my research and set up a place in my bathroom with pee pads, normal litter i’ve used with my other cat, warm spaces, cat trees, scratch posts and all the other fixings and brought the cat home to await for her foster. I kept her separate from my cat.
Well the foster ghosted me shortly after I took the cat to vet and I have not been able to find another willing to take her in two years, so I accidentally adopted a cat for the rest of my life when I really just meant to get her off of a euthanasia list lol.
Within the first month I spent over 5k on vet care and tests (insurance covers nothing since it’s a preexisting condition) She had some teeth pulled but other than was a healthy cat. Her urinating wherever she was concerned me since it wasn’t typical cat behavior, but all her tests came back clean and she is a typical cat apart for the taillessness.
After about a month I realized there wasn’t any medical answer to explain why she peed/pooed like that (sorry to hear gross) but it was incredibly frustrating because she was still too aggressive for me to get within a few feet of, much less groom so I worried for her.
The vet prescribed prozac and gabapentin. Y’all the gabapentin turned her into a monster! I went in to feed her one day (about 5 weeks since I brought her home I believe) and she latched onto my leg and starting marking her paws around it, she ended up with her claws around my neck and I had to hop in the shower to get her to let go. I went to the ER and got 12 stitches and had to go on an antibiotic I was as sick as a dog for weeks after this as well and tbh our relationship never recovered. I really think this was the beginning of the end.
I did more research and reached out to a vet behaviorist and we took her off the gab because it can lead to worsening aggression in some cats. Over the years I tried different meds but none worked. I obviously did not try to start introductions with my resident cat because duh.
I followed my behaviorist’s advice, I read outside the door for hours, put on videos for her, tried to get my scent (and my resident cats scent) on the blankets in the bathroom. None of it worked, whenever she smelled my cats scent he’d hiss so loud i’d hear it through the door (I also had a camera set up in there) Whenever I came in to feed her she attack me like the first instance where i went to the ER. I have to fully suit up with a helmet and shin guards to feed her and even with all that she would still latch on my arms/legs and crawl up my body. We switched anti-anxiety meds and I took her back to my vet, well this was the first of many vets in my area who told me they could no longer treat my cat while she’s awake because of safety concerns and she’d need to be sedated. So for the next appointment we fully sedated her and she was finally groomed and got claw capped, again nothing was wrong so I went to a neurological specialist who cost me nearly 10k in appointments and tests over a year and I still did not get any answers.
At this point I had to move forward with introducing the cats because the new cat was coming up on a year in the bathroom and me and the behaviorist agreed it might benefit her to have free roam. (catio too)
Well it didn’t work and she went crazy. She ripped painting off the wall and chewed up the carpet broke into the cabinet and ate human food…this was within the 20mintue period it took me to let her out, she how she did and to wrangle her up. Still the behaviorist said to keep letting her out. Well one day my resident cat managed to escape the space I put him to separate him from the new cat and she attacked him. I was literally watching the new cat walk into another room and heard a terrible scream and rushed in. The fight was very bad and my old cat had to go to the emergency vet and get surgery..boom another 3K gone. I rehomed him to my parents for his safety and began looking at rescues and fosters to take my new cat to because it was clear to me nothing was improving.
I’ve called 45 shelters in illinois and none will take her because of her aggression. I know a lot of people (including a behavioralist I’ve seen) don’t believe cats can have behavioral issues and that’s it’s just them responding to their environment but I don’t know what i’m doing wrong. I’ve had 4 cats and dealt with some issues but nothing like this. I’ve posted her on my local facebook groups and reached out to some known fosters and nobody can take her because everybody involved in the cat world always has a pet cat…that she can’t live with. She can’t be a barn cat either because she’s disabled and barn cats are kept in groups and she’s too dangerous.
I have no clue what else to do, she is spayed, is fed regularly on a schedule, has plenty of toys trees and things to scratch. I try to play with her everyday (everyday ends with her trying to get under my helmet and get to my neck which is genuinely scary because she’s not claw capped all the time (nails grows and it’s hard to find vets and groomers willing to take her, so right now I drive 50 mintues for her regular vet (he is the only one i’ve found who doesn’t need to sedate her and she acts like a asylum patient when she wakes up…, an hour for the neurologist and nearly 2 hours with traffic. for the behavioral appointments) (that I used to go to every two weeks so you can imagine the time lost to this, doesn’t help that i’m in buttfuck nowhere Illinois)
She’s was on prozac for 6 months, burisphone for another 6, sertaline and fluoxetine for anxiety and none did anything
I honestly don’t think she has anxiety I think she is just aggressive…. Besides the cursed gabapentin she’s done trazodone and that didn’t do a whole lot but make her terrified and she hid in a corner and hissed for hours.
I hate my life now, I can’t have friends or family over. Literally nobody visits me and I can’t leave town because there’s no one to watch my cat. I had to give up my cat of 12 years who I do actually love back to my parents (they raised him it’s fine but I miss seeing him everyday) I can’t have any decorations because she tears them off the wall and my entire house even though it’s covered with pee pads smells like absolute shit 24/7. I have feilways and pheromones but it doesn’t change the behavior. I have to spend hours cleaning everyday just for it to be ruined the next. It looks and smells like I live in a zoo
I let the cat free roam when i’m home and either go hide in my bedroom if I need to do things or have to fully cover all exposed skin with gloves sweater layers of pants, boots, etc if I want to interact. It’s been two years and I’ve never even pet my cat, hell I haven’t been within 3 feet of her unless it’s because she’s lunging on me or attacking me.
Obviously no fosters are interested (also i’m not blaming people at all if I knew this cat had more than “slight fear based aggression” I probably would not have agreed to take her on either) and I don’t know what to do, she’s 3 and I know this is horrible to admit but the thoughts of spending the rest of my 20s and then 30s focused on nothing but this cat is devastating. Literally everything in my life has become second to this cat. I understand it’s a commitment I made. But when it’s been years since i’ve traveled, seen old friends been to concerts or gone out it gets very depressing and lonely.
What else can I do? I’ve seen 2 behaviorist and their advice is getting redundant, the cats doesn’t have any neurological or medical issues (minus manx) and the vets have no idea what to do and just try different sedation…none works. Unless she’s sleeping she’s angry with me. I just hate this and don’t know what to do. Sometimes I’ll think about my future and cry because I know i’ll still be dealing with this cat during what’s supposed to be the best years of my life…but nowhere will take her but a kill shelter and that’s a death sentence for a cat like her.
Has anyone dealt with aggressive and destructive behavior like this? What was the cause? How did you manage? I know nothing of her life before me.
