i have so many things from my childhood, which i consider to be the happiest time of my life.. i’m so scared that if i get rid of my things, i won’t remember anymore, or i’ll lose my connection to the past. i know most people keep a few sentimental things, so i don’t know if the amount of things i have is normal or not. i feel like some sort of stunted adult-child. i know there’s nothing wrong with being sentimental or even liking things that are traditionally for children, but i wish it was easier for me to let go. i don’t know why i was allowed to keep all these things, and im honestly a little angry, as my family knows we have genetic history of hoarding disorder. i feel like someone should have taken these things from me a long time ago, as i assume most parents do. but i don’t know. does anyone else deal with this?

Childhood trauma

When I grew up, I didn't have save a safe space. Parents were both alcoholics. My dad hit me, my mom told me how worthless I was and that she didn't love me.

I was bullied at school. My parents explained to me how that was my own fault. I was diagnoes with adhd, which only made things more complicated. I wasn't able to focus at school, I was failing tests. This made my parents hate me more and gave my classmates a reason to be mean. When they destroyed my homework, teachers wouldn't believe me.

I was scared 24/7. Scared to go to school, scared to go home.

Mental health issues

I later developed social phobia, depression, complex attachment issues, the list goes on...

Shopping as a coping mechanism

Adult-Me of course had coping mechanisms to make herself feel better: Partying, seeing how long I could go without eating and last but not least: Excessive shopping.

New things brought me joy. At least for a few minutes.

This new shirt, this new lipstick, it would finally make me more attractive so that I would be worth something. There is this belief that I am worth as much as my things.

This new device would finally make my life easier. It was already hard enough cause I was sad all the time.

I put these things in my closet and often forgot about them.

Throwing things in the trash is hard

Some of those things I even used. I didn't use older things instead anymore. But I didn't get rid of those older things. Because what if I needed that thing again? Maybe I won't even have the money for it later. I have no one to financially support me. I have to take care.

Also it would be bad for the environment to throw it away and buy it again. There's enough trash in this world already. I don't want to be an inconvenience for the people in 3rd world countries who then have to deal with my trash.

Someone said it was trash anyways, but just in my space. Trash in my space? Who cares? It's just my space. I have to deal with it, not other people who burn trash or whatever happens with it after I would through it in the bin. If I have to deal with it it's fine. I'm worthless anyway.

Realizing I have an issue

After therapy I realized that my fear of opening up to my friends or new people doesn't come from the trauma alone.- It's also my current situation. I'm scared they're going to judge the way I live.

I also realized that it's not shopping addiction only. My problem stems from beliefs that are now deeply rooted in me, that I have to replace with new beliefs.

"Just tidy up" or "just focus on one corner" surely helps some people. But not me. To me that sounds like "Why are you anorexic? Just eat one bite at a time".

Because both anorexia and hoarding disorder are a mental issue. It's not behavior alone. I experienced both.

Yes, I'm changing my behavior. But if I don't change my mindset, I can tidy every room, but it's not going to last long. The most important thing is to accept that no amount of stuff is going to fill that hole inside me.

Wanting to get better

All I ever wanted was to be loved. But all this stuff?- Not only does it not help, it even keeps me from having a social life. In a way it prevents love. Because I can't even show people my place. I'm done feeling guilty for throwing stuff away that is making my life harder. I know it's going to be hard, I'm going to cry a lot. But it will be worth it at the end.

I cut my family off, I can cut hoarding off.

I can’t throw any of my toddlers toys away as my partner is making me feel guilty about it. I don’t know what to do at this point. He has so many toys, there’s no room to put anymore in our living room! His bedroom is too small to fit any toys, we are still renovating the end room which is also full of stuff. I’m feeling stressed and don’t know what to do.

We have two jobs that need to be done at our house soon.

1. Our house is in a rural area and we need to switch internet providers.

2. Later this winter, we need to have our central heat replaced.

We are very cluttered-- adhd and autism and a lot of hard caregiving and trauma over the last few years. We don't struggle with thinking we should keep trash on an emotional level, but we struggle with executive dysfunction and burnout. We are magpies and have lots of hobbies and collections, but get overwhelmed and struggle with organizing and maintaining.

How should we prioritize the cleaning and prep inside and out? What do we need to do and what is most important for this? Does anyone have a checklist or guide for this sort of thing?

I'm trying to declutter but its just too much. On top of that comes the work place bullying and having no friends.
Since weeks I've also avoided checking my socials or responding to people who did message me in the past.
I'm just too afraid of getting hurt again and trusting someone.

Also:
Living in a country with a recession (ok, who doesn't).

There is just soo much stuff I neglected and I wonder what I need to do to change something.

I'm just staring into screens because by doing so, I can avoid the clutter all around me. internal and external.

Update 3! Week 4-5 Done decluttering my entry (new), hallway, living room and my pantry (new)! Bathroom still have 30+ hair product all opened (I can’t seem to figure a way for myself to accept throwing them away), women shelter refuse used/opened product so I’m stuck there. The real real win in my book is that another redditer talked about giving to those in need and my brain finally accepted giving to a wellness center ; a gym equipment, an espresso machine, a keurig machine, ninja creami deluxe (ice cream maker, a high tech fan, 1 of my dehumidifier, puzzles, old dvd (will be liked by old dementia patient they said), hobby books. Nothing had been used, books not even read… puzzles in its wrappers. They will have a better life with them vs me. I don’t even drink coffee … I’ve hoarded them for years not even joking. I’m a little stressed being honest if I need the gym equipment or that I finally have time to start an hobby.
Bathroom (almost done really), bedroom and kitchen on its way next.
Doing my biannual clean up frenzy to go back to lv 0 hoard (I was 3-4 many years ago, before my clean up I was a lv 2).

Still sleeping on my sofa for now

I don't think anyone asked for it, but here it is.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/comments/1wuz7us/semiurgent_clearing_up_of_my_hoard/
Summary: Water is leaking from my pipes to downstairs neighbour. I turned off water in shower to temporarily stop the leak downstairs while I fix up my flat. I have OCD about throwing things out.

So it's been nearly 7 weeks and I am still without a properly working shower, but my downstairs neighbour is dry so there is at least that.
I shower at friends' and the gym and have been decluttering my home.

I also started seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants again. The therapist suggested they send an organizational expert in my home and I said no for now. They feel like they can't progress with me if I don't let someone in, but it feels too overwhelming.

My medical leave for burnout also got suspended this week, and I am using my vacation days/might go into unpaid leave. I received an email from my therapist this morning that they can't in good faith support me in extending my leave if I don't opt in for receiving full support in the form of an organizer coming in.

On top of that, I also got an email from my landlord saying they need to carry an inspection for habitability. It's just a certificate that gets issued every 15 years and the one for my flat has expired apparently. In a way, this is a good time to do this since I've already been decluttering, but I had concentrated on the area around my bathroom, and now the inspector would need access to the entirety of my flat, which changes the scope of my cleaning.

I feel completely overwhelmed and my mind is just completely blocked.

I think I'd still be overwhelmed if this were my own place, but it's the fact that housing prices have gone up 50% in the past 3-4 years that I can't afford to be negligible with my rented accommodation.

The owner of my house had the floors and kitchen cabinets redone. Kitchen was fully gutted. My mom is the owner. I paid my niece to throw all the kitchen and living room stuff in boxes. It all on the back patio. Now we’re going to have an atmosphere river coming through (very heavy rain) and I’m going putting a lot of it in the big black tubes.

I’ve paid for two dump runs for the old carpet and the old cabinets. Went through the garage. There’s still sooo much stuff in the garage etc.

I have so much stuff. My bedroom is insane and dirty.

Overwhelmed. I hate all my stuff right now and just want it all gone.

This experience of stuff still everywhere is depressing and stressful.

I have bipolar and adhd and this anxiety and I want to hide under the covers.

I keep shuffling things around into boxes I don’t want to go through but there are some things I need. Unopened mail.

Can’t afford intervention and I’m too ashamed to ask family and friends for help. I don’t let them in my house.

Lastly, when most of the house was packed up and on my patio, it was so nice in my house. The new floors in our bedrooms couldn’t even be installed because the rooms are waist deep.

The shame gets to me.

I am trying to find therapy for my mom. Her

caseworker wants to get a clean up done but they require her to be in therapy. If she decides to play. This is problematic because she is basically not able to leave the house. We're also in the midst of a financial crisis and I don't know how to pay for that. We are in the US, Texas to be precise. Should I be searching out a specific modality or type of therapist? The caseworker didn't specify and goes months between communications. If anyone has any ideas please tell me. Thanks!

I have a single friend in her late 60's, who lives with her son, who is 23 years old. He begrudgingly pays half the housing expenses and is a hoarder. She's tried talking to him many times about his living conditions, but always has some excuse. I've told her to give her son a time limit to clean things up, or he probably needs to move out. She's is reluctant to pressure him as besides me, he is her only type of support. What other advise can I give her?

I didnt realise just how much I enjoy buying things.

I have really cut back and to be honest it hurts. I know its better not to buy and Im enjoying decluttering (the results of decluttering not the hard work and decisions that go along with that) The amount in my house has reduced signifinitly which I am enjoying.

I think as well I am feeling a bit anxious with all the government warnings to stockpile. So that is not helping.

Both my son and daughter need deposits to buy houses so that is helping. Money not spent on things can be saved for deposits. I am keeping that uppermost in my mind.

It is just such a long process. As well as having been brought up in poverty and then marrying an abusive man which I had to leave for my and my childrens safety so again back in poverty. It is only in the last few years I have not been on the breadline living hand to mouth. It is difficult to not buy because I think buying reminds me that Im safe.

I know in the long term it is for the best but even seeing a bit of money in my bank account is not cheering me up as banks have been hacked and prices are rising so then I think I should be storing food etc.

I dont know everything is such a muddle right now.

Im trying to hang on to the fact if the world does not implode then between the 3 of us we might be able to get house deposits together. They cant house share as they work very far apart.

How are others managing the transit in these very strange times.

I dont know what the point of this post is. Im just fed up a bit at the moment because I need to be good and think of my son and daughter getting into lots of debt so they can have places to live within distance of their jobs. Better paying a mortage then renting at twice the price of a mortage. There just seems to be no let up. Solving a problem creates another problem.

Great. If I called my landlord rightnow... They would see the mess.

What's great though is that I made a lot of progress in the last week. My apartment still looks like shit. I have to get some stuff out of the way as quickly as I possibly can and then pray he won't judge me too hard because I'm not going to risk water damage.

Wish me luck.

Unfortunately my partners younger brother passed away suddenly a week ago, although we have maintained regular contact with him over the past 15 or so years he refused to allow anyone over the threshold of his two bedroom terraced house. Communicating via telephone and bringing groceries to his door and prescriptions that was our interaction with him over recent years. On finding out he had died ( he didn’t answer the phone for 24 hours and we became concerned and informed the emergency services who broke the front door down to find him dead in bed sadly ), we then became die to her being the only next of kin responsible for his house. To be honest on entering the house it was far far worse then any hoarding programme we have seen on the tv, there was obviously months and months of waste that he hadn’t took to his bin, it was all on the floor in the house, he has Amazon deliver food and there are 100s of partially emptied Amazon food packages with water bladder things inside. The house was full of all manner of rotting food , dead
Rats , clothes which had been worn and dumped on the floor. Although we feel sorry for how he lived he always refused help on the phone and said he was happy. We just don’t know what to do we have been trying to clear the amount of stuff for 4 days and have just managed
To completely clear and empty 1 room and have over 100 x 100litre refuse bags full in his falling to pieces external garage. Has anyone any advice as to whether councils can help us to clear this?, we are both over 60 and not in good health ourselves and it’s really stressful

I’ve wrote about my frustration decluttering after going from stage 0 to +\-2. (I take action at stage 2, initially I was stage 3-4). I’ve done my living room and hallway. I am doing now my bathroom and I seem to be stuck with 8 boar bristle brush and about 10 shampoos, 8 conditioner, many other hair product. Everything is opened… Idk why I seem to be stuck at those. The whole declutter otherwise is done (everything else) and only need the cleaning part. How would you rationalize getting rid of these? I don’t particularly use hair product quickly but idk it seems wasteful times 2 otherwise??!??

hi all!
i have a huge problem with stuffed animals. i have quite literally hundreds and hundreds. they’ve overflowed from the space i deemed acceptable for them and there’s now a 2 ft tall pile of them taking up half my queen size bed.

it’s very hard because i feel like they have feelings. i do this personification thing with almost everything, but it’s especially bad with the stuffed animals. i have feelings of severe anxiety and crippling guilt if i even consider getting rid of one. i believe that they would feel hurt that i discarded them- they would think things like, why me? what did i do wrong? why don’t i deserve your love? even if i were to talk to them, tell them that i love them, and thank them for all the memories. my therapist thinks i’m projecting on them due to childhood trauma- I’m treating them with the care & consideration i wish i had been given. logically, i know they’re just fabric and stuffing, but i have never been able to get over this feeling, and my therapist doesn’t believe it would be productive to try. i know i need to talk to her about it more.

i’m in the middle of a huge declutterring, which i unfortunately have to do every few years, and i’m doing pretty good- but the stuffed animals remain my white whale. i’ve tried to make a sort of mental list of the ones i feel i could maybe part with, the less sentimental ones etc, but i worry about what will happen to them when they leave me. even if i were somehow able to overcome the guilt and sell or even donate them, what happens when their new owner no longer wants them? are they tossed in the trash? given to a dog to be ripped apart? i can’t deal with that thought. i picture them sitting in a landfill feeling miserable and dejected.

my therapist has suggested donating them to a children’s hospital, somewhere where they’re really needed and will be appreciated, but i still can’t get around the idea of what happens when they’re not needed anymore. no matter what, i worry that they’ll end up in the landfill, i can’t get away from that thought. once they leave me, i can’t control what happens to them anymore.

i’ve seen people in other posts on this thread talk about the idea that everything ends up in a landfill eventually, but it doesn’t comfort me in this situation. i don’t plan on having kids to pass them down to, so in theory, if i were to keep them all until i die, i guess i don’t know what would happen to them. my therapist has also posed the question of, “well, what kind of life are they living now, collecting dust on a shelf, most of them untouched for years? wouldn’t you rather they went to a child who needs comfort?” and even though the answer to that is yes, i can’t get past the guilt of me choosing to send them away, and the fear of what will happen to them after.

i did get rid of a couple of garbage bags full a few years back, and i actually have no idea what ended up happening to them, which brings me some anxiety. i assume my mom donated them but i can’t be sure. they could also be in storage somewhere in my house, which makes me upset, imagining them scared and alone in a cold dark bag. it was hard getting rid of them but i would’ve felt better at least knowing they ended up somewhere good.

does anyone else deal with this or have any experience with something similar??? i feel like the only thing that will help me is somehow coming to believe that they don’t have feelings, that they are just fabric. but i don’t know how i could ever do that after years of feeling this way. sorry for the long post :(

apologies for a very long & rambling post, i probably sound crazy but i don’t know where else to go.

i (28f) would say i’m in a mild hoarding situation. i still live with my parents due to getting somewhat of a late start in my life/career. most of my stuff is confined to my room, and a shared spare room which i use for crafts & hobbies. there are a few bins of my things in another spare room. the hoarding isn’t so severe that it’s a health concern, but it’s definitely to a point where it impedes with my everyday functioning. there are just piles of things everywhere which often block pathways in my space & make it harder to get to my clothes and other things i need. i’ll very often buy something, leave it in a bag which gets absorbed into a pile, and isn’t seen again for years, if at all.

recently & seemingly out of the blue, my stepdad blew up about the whole thing. he made it clear that i basically need to get things in shape as soon as humanly possible. it’s caused a lot of stress for all of us, and it’s hard for me to find time as i work somewhat odd & long hours, but i have been dedicating all the time and energy i can.

the situation is constantly changing, and it’s hard to say whether it’s improving or not. when i was younger, i would keep literal trash because i believed i could someday make art with it, or i was just scared i’d need it someday. at one point i had a 2ft+ tall stack of all my papers from school. i couldn’t fully let go of them because they “meant” something to me, so i was going to have my dad (also a hoarder) burn them for me so i could turn the ashes into a paste and smear it on a canvas, so i could keep them forever, just in a more compacted form. but once they were out of my house i pretty much forgot about them. i would keep broken headphones, candy wrappers, broken bits of cheap belts - you name it.

luckily, i no longer feel the need to keep literal garbage. however, i’m still completely driven by sentimentality, and have a very hard time getting rid of anything from my childhood. i view childhood as the most ideal and happy time of my life, and i fear that if i lose my objects, i will have nothing to tie me to it. we moved several times as a kid so i don’t have the house i grew up in, which i think contributes to this feeling of loss. i also have an awful habit of personifying anything & everything, so sometimes getting rid of something feels like I’m hurting its feelings. this has improved slightly but still remains a huge problem.

what i’m thinking about currently is all my trinkets from childhood. i have two shelves dedicated to these- mainly some really lovely disney snow globes, and little figurines- bears, mermaids, dragons, etc. it’s been years and years and i just cannot part with them. however, as i grow up, my interests have obviously changed and i have new things that i would like to display that represent me better as the person i am now. namely, i have started collecting monster high dolls. i’m super into horror and got my hands on a few of their collectible horror collab dolls, but they’ve been sitting in boxes on my floor for months, blocking things i need to get to.

today, i finally took the snow globes down. i needed to get the boxes of dolls off the floor and there was nowhere else for them to go. i’m not getting rid of the globes, and my grandmother has offered to store them for me. however, it just feels so wrong to me. i described it to my therapist as divorcing your wife of 60 years to be with a mail order bride. (apologies for the possibly offensive wording, but it was the best analogy i could think of at the time). like getting rid of something important to you, that’s been with you forever, that really means something, just to replace it with something that means nothing but is pretty to look at. even now, looking at them all in their rigid rectangular boxes, they just look so inelegant and actually almost unappealing. i can’t help but feel like every time i look at them, i’ll just remember the things i removed, and feel the guilt of doing so.

it’s not like i’m making an irreversible choice, i’m not getting rid of my old things so i can always choose to put them back where they were. i just don’t know how to feel or what to do. with all the things i keep but pack away, i can’t help but think, what is the point really? they’re going to go sit in a room where i wont look at them again for years. then the personification comes in- what kind of life is that for them? it sounds so lonely. will they miss their friends, the other things in the room that they’ve lived with this whole time? will they feel wronged by me?

then again, for the last few years they’ve been covered with a somewhat see-through black lace fabric (i put this up to try to hide them from someone who was coming over because i felt embarrassed). so it’s not like i was really looking at them anyway, and even without seeing them fully, i could still recall my most poignant memories of them. when my therapist asked how many i had, i realized i couldn’t really give an accurate answer or even tell her about every single one or what movie it was from. however, the feeling of guilt sustains.

i’ve expressed my desire to somehow overcome this personification thing, but my therapist feels it wouldn’t be….. productive? she believes i do this (mostly with my stuffed animals, which are actually the biggest problem, but i’m not ready to face that yet) because im projecting onto these objects- I’m treating/regarding/considering them in the way that i wish someone had done for me. i guess i had often felt discarded or disregarded or unimportant, and i would never want to inflict that onto anything or anyone else. sometimes i try to tell myself that it’s just an object and it doesn’t have feelings, but my brain is so programmed to feel this way, i think it would take years to make any progress, and i don’t have that type of time right now.

i guess i don’t really know what I’m looking for here. has anyone dealt with anything similar? every few years i do a major decluttering and get my space back to normal, but i just keep buying more things and the cycle continues. i definitely feel like I’m in a space to be more mindful of what i’m purchasing going forward, though - i can’t tell you how many times i picked something up and said, why would i ever even buy this? i never want to have to deal with this again.

any words of advice or even comfort would be appreciated. thank you!

This is my first post here, I typically post in various decluttering groups but I'm realizing I'm likely struggling with some legitimate hoarding anxiety and I don't think the declutter groups have been helpful. I grew up in a level 1ish hoarder home. It progressively got worse throughout my childhood, but it wasn't always bad when I was very young. Both my parents specifically struggle to remove items they think are valuable and have trouble with where items are going.

I have been working hard over several years to remove items from my small home while also managing my parents dropping off items they think I need or basically all my hoarded items from childhood. I have become much much better at deciding to remove something from my home, but when it actually comes to the items leaving, I have really bad anxiety. I have scheduled several donation pick ups and find myself having cold feet on the morning of and only putting out half the items I had set aside.

I become extremely stressed if I believe an item "could" be used again and might end up in the trash. Typically this is clothes or nice toys.

I also struggle with items that I've used for a long time that were once expensive. I have a pair of shoes from literally 20+ years ago that aren't even in nice shape and I feel very nervous throwing them away despite the fact I'm not wearing them.

Typically my anxiety is related to regret (I have regretted donations in the past), shame, items being wasted, ruining the environment, wasting money.

I had my husband take some toys to a donation bin when I wasn't home because I was so nervous. This was about a month ago and I still feel pangs of shame, guilt and fear it was all trashed when it could have been reused.

Does anyone know resources for managing these types of thoughts? I have a regular therapist, but she doesn't specialize in hoarding and often gives me generic decluttering advice. My home is functional and safe, but is cluttered and I know I could remove a large chunk of items if I could get over the stress of it.

I consider myself a hoarder, but I don't hoard stuff like clothes like I see in a lot of hoarders' homes, my biggest problem is I can't seem to dispose trash unless it's completely served its purpose.

For example I save used paper towels to clean surfaces or the floor, I only dispose it when it's completely filled with dirt. I use up every single bit of my products and only get rid of it when it's 100% gone. (for example throwing away shampoo bottle when only water is coming out) I take my own already existing plastic bags to the store to put vegetables or fruits in so I don't have to pick up even more bags at the store. And then use those bags as bin liners.

I'm HUGE on recycling, I wash everything recyclable thoroughly (bottles, milk and juice cartons, yogurt containers, cat food tins etc) to make sure they're clean and don't smell. I even wipe things like plastic bags with wet wipes to clean them from crumbs or any food residue. If there's a pizza box woth greasy stains, I cut out the greasy parts and throw the rest in the recycling bin. I'd feel guilty if I put dirty material in the recycling bin.

I always look up what packaging can be recycled and what cannot. This whole thing actually influences the way I shop too. If I know the packaging of something I buy won't be able to be cleaned properly, therefore I won't be able to get rid of it easily, I usually don't buy it because it'll only make me stressed and hoard trash because I simply can't dispose it... If I'm uncertain whether something is recyclable or not, it stresses me out A LOT.

If I'm 100% certain something cannot be recycled, I can actually throw it in the trash without guilt and I'm happy to do so. But recyclables, they need to be clean and not smell according to my brain.

I was a lv 3-4 (in some area) lv hoarders and I’ve been fighting with myself for 2 years to keep the house clean into a lv 0…. Im so tired with myself. I’ve been going back into a cleaning frenzy since my house went back into signs of lv 2. I feel so guilty and mentally unstable. I’m soooooo mad. 😡 at every cleaning it gets easier to get rid of stuff but I’m so mentally drained. For now I’ve successfully been able to clean 100% my living room And my hallway… I’m so fed up since it took me alone 2 weeks (12+ bags of trash full)…. I’m for now sleeping on my sofa till my bed is done. I’ve just started the kitchen (I can already tell it’ll be a 2 weeks prep es alone). Bed will be last cause I need to remind myself that I gotta do better… Omg. I am so mad since I’ve got my bed room, bathroom and kitchen left to do. Like I know I’m rambling on me and it’s my fault but I don’t know how to keep up after a clean. My whole rehab has been self made and in secrecy since I never had any visitors to see what’s up. Also my flair is ex hoarders but I don’t think it’s even possible that there is actually someone who truly can be cured. I feel so sick, an imposter! What can I do to get things under control in the long term? I’m so lost. I’m already planning btw trash bags at every room but idk anymore.

Hi community,

Sharing my experience of my 70 year old mother's hoarding in hopes others may resonate. I can't pin point exactly when her hoarding started but it was when me and my brothers became teenagers (we are now in our early 30s). This also coincides with when my mum lost one parent to dementia, and the other to complications from old age (they died around 7 years apart).

Every room of my parent's house is full of clutter, you can barely manoeuvre through a room without tripping over something, and it is all random stuff. I never have people over because of shame, luckily I haven't been living at home since I moved out for uni. My mum refuses to throw anything away, stating that if she is to get rid of anything then it must all go to charity, which of course, she never ends up doing.

A large portion of the possessions hoarded in my parent's house are belongings of my mums dead parents, including pots and pans, lamp shades, other large pieces of furniture, old paperwork (like a car repair invoice from my grandfathers car from the 1900s), random pieces of decor that mean nothing. I understand that hoarding can be linked to trauma and grief. My mother will never relax, sit in-front of the tv or even cook meals for herself in-front of us. She will complain that she never has time to shower. I worry this is also a form of self harm and a clear sign of mental illness, perhaps linked or in addition to the hoarding.

I cannot throw anything away in my parents house even if they are my own possessions, I have to sneak them out and throw them in a public bin.

Whenever we try to raise the topic she goes into defensive mode and claims she's too busy to sort the house, even though she hasn't worked for almost 15 years. We feel frustrated, exhausted and helpless knowing one day this will be me and my brother's problem. This is also hugely unfair on my dad who has to live amongst the mess and gets shut down whenever he tries to express his feelings about it.

hello,

I rly ask myself how I should get out of this. Im in my 30es and I don't have help nor can I help myself.

I'm tired if venting but I have zero energy for doing anything that could help me reduce the chaos.

My life is absolute chaos and I can't solve it. If I ask for help it gets denied. I have no family I can ask and all my friends left me.

I cannot go outside because of harrassment I face. I did several mistakes which over all just broke me. Hoarding isn't the cause of my problem it's just the stymptom of a nervous systeme which simply can't take it anymore.

for hours Im trying to open an email, for hours Im trying to shower. I've read stories of other depressed people and atleast they are able to do something?

and NO this condition is not because of chemical imbalance. It's because of all the aggression I'm dealing with and I guess the hostility just wore me down.

Why ahower? when I have to do my hair. Why shower when the aprtment is still a mess? why do anything when even the most simple step reminds me of the 1000000000 other unfinished tasks ?

Other people with hoarding problems atleast have family who care about them

My mother is a hoarder. I live with her. Moving out is not an option right now, for financial reasons on my part and health reasons on hers, so i am in this and i dunno i guess i'm feeling particularly hopeless about this right now and would like some advice or to not feel so alone.

I know she can't help it. I know this is a mental health issue. In fact, i'm pretty sure i have a better understanding of how she went from a person with hoarder tendencies to a full on hoarder better than she does.

She absolutely refuses to entertain the idea of mental health care. She says she wants to organize her stuff and get our home in shape but then refuses to do any of the actual work required to do that.

I have tried to let go and just accept that this is how it is, but everytime i do that, we end up with bug infestations and absolutely unliveable conditions and the standard run to clear out the living room everytime guests are coming around.

I feel absolutely helpless and it's exhausting, because if it was just her space i could've learned to let it go but it's not. I try to keep my room in good condtion but the consequence of that is it's the only room that has space to move things into if necessary and so pretty much every week every inch of clear floor space in my room gets taken up with the stuff from the living room cause someone or other is coming over.

I've stopped trying to donate or throw out clothes cause what ends up happening is she thinks this is too nice to get rid of or someone else can make use of that so she keeps it on her bedroom floor for 3yrs til our next attempt to tidy up at which point the thing ends up back in my closet cause she still refuses to get rid of it and at least in my closet is better than on her floor. Except my closet is half taken up with her stuff and i can barely access my own clothes anymore without a fight with how tightly stacked everything is.

(And then she can never find her own clothes and ends up borrowing from me anyway and still absolutely refuses to get rid of things she used to wear at uni which would fit neither of us ever!!)

Every couple of years she gets a new hobby which i generally love for her cause without a hobby she just spends most of her time scrolling social media and that's the worst. And i am really reluctant to complain about this cause i am also into handcrafts and such and it was after getting into them that i realized i have my own hoarding tendencies but at least my hobbies are contained in my room, mostly organized and i forbid myself from buying anything new or getting into a new hobby til i've hit certain goals to make sure things never get out of control. And when it seems like a certain hobby has run its course i try to get rid of the related materials by gifting them to friends or relatives or donating them to make space for new hobbies.

She doesn't do that. Our home is a record book of every hobby she ever had and i would really not mind that if it didn't interfere with our ability to function normally, keep our place clean and just generally feel good about our living space. Not a single member of our family is happy with our home, herself included.

Everyday i try to find space for all her new purchases and when i manage to do it and free up our dining table or my bedroom floor, before i've had a chance to celebrate being able to see flat surfaces, she's already purchased more stuff and spread them out.

She has never seen an empty space that she has not found a way to fill permanentely.

We have the largest kitchen of anyone i have ever known and there is barely room for one pot on our very large counter space. All the dishes, cups and utensils are kept on the counters. I've tried before to keep them in one of our many cupboards/ drawers and was rebuffed within a week. We have 2 fridges, 2 deep freezer. We are a 4 person household. There is barely any space in any of them because they are full of stuff that she has forgotten about. I remember everything in there. She keeps buying more of what she already has.

Because she can barely keep track of all her stuff and i can, and also because everyone else in our family has long given up on doing anything to make things better and because it is generally my responsibility to tidy up when guests are coming and also to tidy up in general, i can't stop thinking about any of this. It's a constant itch at the back of my brain giving my anxiety and literal nightmares.

I'm kind of a minimalist neat freak. I know this about myself. I am diametrically opposed to her in this aspect and i try not to validate my own feelings at her expense but it's very hard to have all of the responsibility and none of the authority, when every attempt to coax her into getting rid of smth turns into a fight and every attempt to talk about improving things gets ignored or turned into a joke.

I'm generally resigned to how things are and am mostly just waiting it out til i can move out, but today i was cleaning my room and she came in and told me her plans to bring a bunch of stuff in here tomorrow and i just got so miserable and helplessly angry about that i gave up and didn't finish cleaning.

I love my mom. She is indescribably strong and kind and generous and she has supported me more than anyone else in my life and i know why she is the way she is about her stuff. But it's really freaking hard to live with her!

Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out because my family is trying to help my mom with a hoarding situation at her home in San Diego County (Chula Vista area).

We’ve recently received an active Notice of Abatement from the city, and we’re working against a deadline to get the property cleaned up and brought into compliance.

We’re looking for recommendations for therapists who specialize in hoarding disorder and are willing to do in-home visits, ideally professionals who can work alongside the individual to help them sort through belongings, make decisions, and gradually declutter in a compassionate, nonjudgmental way.
We’re also open to recommendations for:

Therapists specializing in hoarding disorder who offer in-home treatment.

Professional hoarding cleanup and decluttering specialists.

Organizers experienced in severe clutter and hoarding situations.

Companies or individuals who understand working with active code enforcement citations.

Local San Diego resources, nonprofits, or support groups that help families navigate these situations.

Our goal isn’t simply to throw everything away. We want to help my mom make meaningful progress while respecting her feelings and involving her in decisions about her belongings.

Because there’s an active citation and a relatively short compliance deadline, we’re hoping to find someone who has availability soon and can work directly at the property.

If you’ve personally worked with a therapist, organizer, or company in San Diego that you would recommend, I’d really appreciate their name and contact information. Personal experiences and referrals would be especially helpful.

Thank you so much. We’re trying to approach this with compassion and find the right people to help our family through a difficult situation.