I (33M) had been seeing a (33F) for a little over a month. We met on hinge. She messaged me first and I immediately made plans to meet up and go on a date. She was captivating in every aspect. Calm, logical, beautiful, brilliant and had this awkward, quirky energy to her. My exact cup of tea. Conversation flowed so well. We held hands and that cute shit. She asked me intriguing questions and I in return. We saw each other over 8 dates. I was thinking we were progressing to exclusivity and hopefully later a relationship. I asked to kiss her after our second date. She said no. I asked to kiss her again after 8th date (this last Sunday) again, she said no.

She told me she’s trying to decide if I’m a friend or a romantic to her. After I dropped her off, made it home and told her I’m looking for something where the feelings are clear and mutual. And that I’m stepping back. I’m proud of myself because former me would have stayed around and begged for her approval. Changed who I was just to get her. I stood 10 toes and cut it off. Idk. Just very proud of me for growing and knowing my worth.

Edit: Man I am very appreciative of you lots nice words, support and encouragement. It means the world to me! I feel the love!

Edit 2: There are a lot of comments talking about not asking for a kiss. I’ve had success with both approaches. Asking and just going on. This case I must’ve misread her. Thanks again for the support!

My boyfriend's favorite thing in the world is to tell stories, so sometimes when he references one of them I tell him he's never told me that one even if he has. He gets really passionate about it and i like hearing him talk.

My friend (25F) and I (28M) have been friends for a few years. In the past we would hang out and enjoy each others company. We aren’t close but sometimes it’s just nice to hang with someone to kill time or just not be alone for the day and she feels the same

Well she asked me if I wanted to hookup and have sex but I told her no…she asked why and I was honest…she’s very overweight to near obese levels. She’s a sweetheart but I just can’t do it

I told her politely as I could but she got mad

A hookup is literally about physical attraction; it’s not an emotional thing…but how can I do a hookup with a woman who I’m just NOT physically attracted to?

A few days have passed but She occasionally will makes passive aggressive comments about it. Like if we are texting and asks if I’m having a plans and I say no she would said “well you would tonight but you said I’m too fat so that sucks.”

She keeps cornering me to apologize but I don’t want to be bullied for being honest

Am I wrong?

I would guess that most of the people here understand this. But I feel like this has been a constant issue with OLD. And I can't help but want to vent.

If the expectation is on me to initiate and carry every conversation then I'll assume you're not that interested and carry on. I'm not going to ask if you're interested. Because I feel like you should be able to show that.

People who genuinely have a "Looks don't matter" mentality towards other people they would date are very rare. For the vast majority of people, men and women, looks DO matter and they play a considerable role in attraction alongside other things.

No it's not the only thing that matters, but it IS a thing that matters.

So whenever someone suggests that they may be unattractive and that could play a role in their lack of (fe)male attention, don't just doubt them because it could very well be a factor. Alongside other things.

The majority of couples have matched looks, sometimes with one considerably more attractive than the other (usually the woman more attractive). But if the majority of couples have matched looks, it should be an indicator that "leagues" are somewhat real.

Either way, "looks don't matter" is like saying "personality doesn't matter". They both matter a lot. Unless you are in the small small minority, you are likely lying when you are saying that someone's looks doesn't play a role in your romantic attraction to them.

Both men and women have been rejected because the rejectee decided they weren't physically attractive enough, whether it be facial features, height, weight, clothes, etc. To pretend this doesn't happen (even often or frequently) is wishful thinking!

The title really says it all. I have been talking to this guy for about 2 months. I randomly told him I like corn in my spaghetti and kind of teased him to try it. He circled back around like 5 minutes later that it really bothered him. He then goes on to say if he worked tirelessly on a meal to cook me he would be extremely offended if I soiled my gourmet meal with corn in it. He would genie be pissed. At this point I’m pretty weirded out at how this is unfolding but offered that I make the spaghetti and I’ll just add corn to mine. He said I didn’t get it and then went on to discuss my shit taste in books. I told him this is going to take me a minute to process and I’m going to have to call him back. He dumped me via text. So that’s the story of how I got dumped because I like corn in my spaghetti.

I(29f) met this guy(32m) on hinge & we was talking for about a week. He lived an hour away from me so we were trying to plan our first date. We spent a lot of time talking on the phone, had some FaceTime dates & I was really feeling him. He was handsome & fit with a good job and no kids, that was rare enough as is.

Eventually he asks me to go to this botanical garden to look at Christmas lights at night, which was another hour from me but two hours away from him. When he showed up to pick me up. He had two babies in the car. He tells me he lied to me & that he is a father. I got so mad. But I felt obligated to proceed with the date since he had just driven an hour out to see me with these kids.

So we go the whole extra hour out, I’m still mad so I’m not talking much. The babies are f(6) & m(4). We get there & when everyone got out of the car I noticed his daughter wasn’t dressed at all for this occasion. It was cold that night & he had her in a t-shirt & biker shorts with mismatched socks on & mismatched ballerina slippers & her curly mixed-girl hair was not done at all it looked like she rolled out of bed & he just brought her out there. I was like wtf. I felt embarrassed because I know ppl would look at us thinking I’m her mother & wonder how tf I have her out here looking a hot mess like that, while I’m looking cute, rocking Gucci but this child doesn’t even have a jacket.

So we go into the garden and his kids start throwing the biggest tantrums over normal basic child care. “We’re hungry dad we haven’t eaten in hours” “we’re thirsty” “I’m cold” I was like wtf. He didn’t have any supplies for them for this two hour road trip he brought them on.

And the whole time they’re suffering he wants to be all up on me & ignoring them. I also noticed when he was close to me he reeked of tequila. Now they’re yelling “I hate u dad” & telling me they don’t like me. I’m sitting there like look I’m with y’all I’m starting to hate y’all daddy too. That place had no food for them, nowhere to buy drinks, no little store to buy them jackets. I was like look I’m ready to go.

So we’re leaving it’s late like 10pm. We drive off and pass all this city driving for like 20 mins, didn’t stop once to feed these kids. oh and he can’t drive he’s swerving all over the road most likely drunk & he runs out of gas. On a bridge.

I just couldn’t believe it I thought running out of gas was something u did when you’re between 16-19 years old. We sat there, kids whining, him throwing an anger fit at himself me texting my sister to come get me…we sat there for 45 mins and eventually a nice person stopped and gave him some gas.

We drive to the nearest gas station the kids are asleep I run into the gas station because I also hungry and buy me some snacks while I think he’s filling up the car. The line was long and I was probably in the store for 10 minutes. When I came out he was standing by the pump & got mad when he saw me I said what’s wrong and he began walking into the store & said “I need to pay for gas” so I was like wtf did he expect me to fill his tank?

He pays gets gas we go on our way he’s swerving like crazy now. We get to my house at like midnight & he’s saying his phone is dead. I didn’t give a fuck but I felt bad for them kids so I said okay y’all can come in to use a charger. This man came inside & fell straight to sleep on the couch. I had to put his kids back to sleep in my guest room. I went into my room & stayed up just because I didn’t want him in my house.

Once 6am hit I woke his ass up and told him to go. Those poor kids were still trying to eat they were asking me if I had cereal. I gave them some granola bars and said bye.

Best believe he got blocked the second that door shut.

**EDIT - Mods banned me for no reason and refuse to explain why or unban me. I've uploaded the post to my profile if you'd like to read it.

I had a girl I’ve been dating over for dinner and drinks last night to celebrate NYE. Things started getting physical so I suggested going to the bedroom. It was a hard no.

I was a little bit puzzled (we’ve had sex before). She then informs me she has her period, appears visibly upset and apologizes. I sort of start laughing; now she looks puzzled.

I tell her I’m chuckling at the apology; there is absolutely no reason to be sorry and I couldn’t be happier just giving her a kiss at midnight and waking up beside her tomorrow (she’s never spent the night). I offer her a heating pad, pillows and to run out to grab some midol; whatever she needs to be comfortable, she need only let me know.

The result was a lovely young lady, stunned by the thoughtfulness and filled with appreciation. Though I invited a ‘date’ over for dinner, we brought up exclusivity and I woke up beside my new ‘girlfriend’ the next morning.

What a great start to 2022.

Edit: holy crap! Thank you for all the Reddit love, upvotes and even awards. I’m glad to share this experience with such an amazing community. May you all find health, wealth, happiness and love in 2022.

Me and My bumble date who I’ve met once before were supposed to hang out today. We were gonna go on a hiking trail and then out to dinner.

I texted to confirm the date last night and he opens my chat but doesn’t respond.

Today comes and I decided I still wanted to go but I went with my favorite person instead..... myself 😊

I had an AMAZING time solo. Don’t get discouraged if someone bails on you.

I'm part of the foreveralone subreddit because I haven't had a serious relationship in 5 years. Yet, none of the posts there describe me, and if I were to ever post anything, they'd chew me up so fast: I'm a woman, objectively physically attractive, it's very easy for me to get "dates." As a result, I'm not "forever alone" because people want to go on dates with me, right? Right?

Sure, let's agree that women, in particular, steoreotypically attractive women (young, fit), can get dates. Sure. Ok.

But number of matches in tinder does not equal love. Guys buying you drinks does not equal love. Guys sleeping with you and then GHOSTING you does not equal love. Guys leading you on and breadcrumbing you for WEEKS or even MONTHS is not love.

And little tiny scraps of attention here and there, or even sexual interest, does not, in any way, somehow quench our loneliness.

We are still lonely. I'm still lonely.

Yes women can be lonely. Pretty women can be lonely. Women can be surrounded by the "attention" of 20 men and STILL be lonely. Hint: because more often than not, it's not real attention. It's fleeting, momentary, empty, and baseless. It will be gone. Very soon. Maybe by the night's end.

I'm just so exhausted of my feelings of loneliness being dismissed over and over. As if I didn't have a right to feel lonely or sad. Here's a list of all the guys I've "dated" over the past 5 years:

- Guy that was gonna move to Asia in 3 months. Said he loved me deeply while simultaneously keeping a girl in Asia "warm" for when he got there. When I complained he explained that he was being logical, as he was gonna move there soon, he needed to keep his options open.

- Guy who wooed me and made me laugh for weeks and then months only for me to discover he had a LIVE IN GIRLFRIEND back in his home country all along. Texts me that he misses me to this day.

- Guy that i was crazy about that would generously grace me with his presence for 1 HOUR A WEEK for MONTHS. When I spoke up about it he said that was all he could do. Take it or leave. I took it. Even though I cried for the other 6 days every week.

- Guy that slept with me for 1 entire year, gave me an orgasm ONE TIME in that year, and when I spoke to him about it, said it was my fault. After a weekend full of sex in which he came 6 times and I came 0 and I begged him to please try he accused me of rape. Said I was forcing him. I stopped talking to him. A month later he showed up at my house again, said he treated me so harsh because deep down he thought I was a "bad person" but that he (and i quote his exact words) "still want to fuck" me.

Those are the long term guys. In-between, I've had several other short-term ones, including the guy I went on 2 horrible dates with, was thoroughly confused when he kept on asking me out (we had no chemistry) and then ended up literally BLOCKING ME as soon as he slept with me and then disappeared. Or the guy who showered me with promises of fun date after fun date after fun date, only to completely disappear in a couple weeks too. But not block me or ghost me no- just string me along whenever I ask, make sure I'm kept warm in the repertoire.

I'm tired of being used as a sexual commodity, I'm tired of having my feelings played with. I want love. Real love. I'm so ready and willing to commit to one man only, to build a family, to build a life. I'm ready to give a man my all. But somehow because I can "get dates" easily is like Im not entitled to feeling lonely, to feeling unwanted. But how can I not feel unwanted when the last time I heard the words "i love you" were 5 years ago?

/rant ends here

EDIT 1: WOW THIS BLEW UP!!! Thanks for the Silver and 2 Awards!! Thank you so much for the kind comments, messages, and even chats I've received. My inbox is very full right now, I'm trying to get back to everyone. A few thoughts:

1. I was both glad/sad to read SOOO many women's comments with the *exact same* experience as me. Glad that we were able to find each other and provide support, yet sad that so many of us exist and are stuck in this conundrum.

2. I was also very pleasantly surprised and touched by how many men reached out in kindness and understanding! Even though men have a different experience when it comes to dating and romance, most men were able to put themselves in women's shoes for a moment and understand, even if for just a little bit, what our experience is like here on the other side, and how we can be just as lonely.

3. There were also very, very few (maybe 5 compared to the 2,300 that upvoted?) people that reached out, all men, with actual harassment and threats of physical violence. To those people I will not respond, but I actually wish them love and kindness. I've clearly had bad experiences in dating but yet, I don't hate men. Not one bit. It's the opposite: I am actively looking for 1 man I can give my heart and soul to, and try to find this man, over and over again. Yet, these ~5 or so men that contacted me with violence, do hate women. To them, I wish their souls are healed. You can never find love with so much hate in your heart.

4. Finally, to all men and women, gay, straight, bi, pan, or any other sexual orientation, that commented with similar feelings of loneliness and a deep desire to find love: I wish all of us good fortune. I hope we all find what we are looking for.

My boyfriend talks to me in my sleep. He’s a bit shy and doesn’t express love verbally when I’m awake. We always take naps together. The other day, for some reason I decided to fake sleep. 30 minutes into our “nap” he checked to make sure I was asleep by saying “I love you” two times. When I didn’t respond (which made me feel terrible) he started humming. I’ve never heard him hum before. He doesn’t sing either so it made me very happy. When he stopped humming I would wiggle and he would start again. After a while he stopped and I pretended to be in a deep sleep. He said I love you one more time just to make sure. Then he started talking. It was small at first like “you’re so cute” and “I love snuggling with you.” He then went into detail about all the things he love’s about me. Like my arms or my hair or my face. He started talking about how happy I make him and then out of the blue said “I’m going to marry you.” I tried to contain my smile. He then he started going into detail of all of the things our house is going to have. Like cats and a greenhouse where I will have pretty flowers and a garden. It made me so happy that I started tearing up. Now I fake sleep all the time to hear him talk about things he’s too scared to tell me when I’m awake. I love him.

TW: Death

We met on Tinder and kicked things off pretty quickly. She was enthusiastic about meeting me and taking me out on my birthday for our first date. It went really well but I felt like something was strangely off about her that night. The next couple of weeks we had been texting/calling each other everyday. She expressed to me how stressed out with school she was, her depression, and other trauma related issues. I felt overwhelmed and at a loss wishing I could do more for her situation. I kept telling her that she could always come over and get away if needed.

When she finally found the time to do so, she came over and I made her dinner. We cuddled, watched Lords of Chaos (great movie btw), and had sex. It was a very wholesome and comforting night for both of us. We both fell asleep holding each other and joking around together. I got the best sleep ever having someone with me that I cared about. We woke up a few times to get water and kept falling back asleep.

Until, I was woken up with her rapidly breathing. I thought that she was having a night terror or bad dream. I held her hand as it cramped up. Her neck tilt back and I held it away from the pillows so she wouldn't suffocate. I got very concerned at this point that something was very fucking wrong. She took these three giant agonal breathes and suddenly stopped. I shook her a few times to wake up and that's when I realized what happened. I put my head to her chest and heard nothing. It was the scariest fucking sound I've ever heard.

I immediately called 911 and had to lift her off the bed onto the floor in order to do chest compressions until the EMS showed up. I was doing my fucking damdest to keep my head straight because it was spinning from the anxiety I was having. The EMS stormed in and took over. They were constantly questioning me her medical history or family info and I was helpless because I barely knew her or family. They spent an hour on her on my living room floor trying to get a pulse. I stumbled outside and took the social media trying to find family members. I sent out multiple messages about the emergency but never got a response.

Once they got a pulse she was rushed to the hospital. I followed along but stopped by her apartment on the way to let them know what happened and to get in touch with emergency contacts. I finally got a hold of her Mother and told her where I was and what happened.

Stuck in the ER alone they wouldn't give me any information until her family showed up. I was a fucking wreck by this point. Her Mother and Sister shows up and I explain more of the situation. They both get invited into the family room and I decline to go in. I get taken out by a social worker an hour later and was told "she didn't make it". I knew what was coming and I kept my. expectations low but the pain of hearing those words were still devastating.

Her family came out an hour later and sat with me. I told them the complete story and expressed my condolences. It happened all so fast and felt like a literal movie. They were very supportive, loving, and thankful that I was there to take care of her and that she didn't die alone.

I spent the rest of the day with friends processing what just happened. Drank into a blackout and couldn't return back to my apartment due to the trauma. Woke up on my friends couch and time just felt slow for the next three days.

I knew you for a short time Emily, but every moment was special. I will never forget you and your infectious laugh. Rest in peace.

As for her death, I want to be as respectful about what she was going through beforehand. But it led to her having a heart attack that morning.

I don't really know where to go from here. Dating in Austin, TX is already a goddamn dumpster fire. The loneliness at times has been really hard and other times content. This is all still fresh to me since it happened 6 weeks ago. Couldn't be more thankful for her Mother and Sister who have been very supportive.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

The reason why I no longer feel sad about being a 31 yo virgin anymore is that I'm 32 now, so I feel sad about being a 32 year old virgin instead.

Just putting this out there... I really think the best thing in any relationship is the little details of the unexpected cuddle during the day!!! Or the cuddling and falling asleep together And the morning cuddles...... !! I don’t know how would I survive without that!

For example I just put cinnamon on my chicken thinking it was cayenne pepper. And I was thinking "hehe that's a pretty silly mistake" but I realised I have no one to tell. I could tell my friends but I think they're getting a little sick of my shenanigans. Now I just have shitty cinnamon chicken that I gotta eat because I'm not wasting that shit, I'm poor.

Yeah but just having someone to share small things with can make the days more bearable. Instead of cinnamon chicken, it's more like chicken that hasn't got cinnamon on it.

Will update on how the cinnamon chicken tastes.

UPDATE: the chicken tastes alright, weird tasting a sweetness to something i normally enjoy salty but the experience is appreciated. Please subscribe for further food reviews lol

Even if it's a hook up.

Even if you think she's crazy.

She's giving you her body, and trusting you. She is human and deserves respect.

Edit: YES this applies going from girls to guys as well.

Edit: One would really think this is a no brainer but the amount of pushback in the comments is unsurprising and kind of depressing.

Edit: To those who are saying "if she's willing to give sex and open her legs she doesn't respect herself and doesn't deserve it, well if YOU are willing to sleep with her or someone that doesn't show self respect, that means that YOU don't actually respect yourself all that much." Also just because someone wants sex that doesn't mean they don't respect themselves, they are just looking for a good time just like YOU are. That means giving them an orgasm if they gave you one, making them feel safe, and respecting boundaries. Also keeping whatever is private in the bedroom and not declaring it to your friends (if it wasn't agreed upon).

Edit: What do I mean by respect? I don't mean treating her like your gf, but I do mean just treating her like a human and not saying shit like "if she opened up her legs that means she doesn't deserve respect." Also respecting her sexual boundaries in bed even though she's not your gf. No pouting and no expecting X,Y,Z to happen JUST because she's in your bed.

Edit: And, lastly, if you feel you can't handle doing all this then maybe you need to lower the amount of people you are hooking up with so they can all be treated with respect.

I’m interested in you. You’re not interested in me. You’re interested in me. I’m not interested in you. Let’s have the same conversation with a hundred people. Oh, you like to travel? Yup, my kids come first too. No hookups, okay. Let’s make plans to meet and not meet. Always messaging first and feeling like I’m doing the all the work. Sure, we can be Facebook friends. Hey, why do we all of a sudden have ten mutual friends in common? Great, you know what you’re seeking! That’s rare! Oh, you changed your mind. Oh, you’re not over your ex. Oh, I wish you didn’t share that thing you said with me. Any of this sound familiar or am I just bad at dating?

I hate it so much. I'm always there to help support my partners whenever they are going through a hard time, a depressive episode, anxiety attack, etc, but then yet as soon as I have one they disappear or they lose feelings/interest because i'm not seen as that strong "manly" person anymore. I have feelings and weak moments too, why am I not allowed to express them without being seen as less? I'm tired of people leaving as soon as they see me going through a hard time. I'm tired of having to be the strong one all the time.

Idk who needs to hear this but please don’t do this.

I went through an extremely crushing heartbreak recently because my “girlfriend” was still holding a torch for a guy she had dated at a little before we met.

We had a great relationship for 4 months. I was the happiest I’ve been in a while. This last year has been difficult in my life and when I started seeing her it was a break from the rest of the life. From the global pandemic, from a soul sucking college semester, from family issues. She was my reprieve and it made me forget the bad when I was with her.

Then, a week after my 21st birthday she dumped me out of nowhere. She told me that she wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was hurt but I was okay with it. Our time together was genuine. Then 2 weeks later I saw her posting about her first month with her boyfriend.

I called her out on it and she said that she was sorry but she was still in love with him and just didn’t want to hurt me. And that’s when it crushed me. Our relationship was fake, I was a distraction for her and when the guy she actually wanted came around I was worthless.

Just please, sort out your feelings before you try to date other people.

I’m (25m) dating the sweetest girl (25F). Last night we went on our fourth date. I can’t believe how comfortable we are with each other already. I’ve had two serious long term relationships before but I’ve never been so comfortable with someone so quickly. We had our first date two weeks ago but our level of comfort reminds me of +2 months in my previous relationships.

I can’t keep my hands off of her. When riding up the elevator to my apartment we’re kissing before the doors close. After getting back to my apartment after the date last night, we didn’t even sit on the couch and throw something on the tv. We just sat on the floor playing each other our favorite songs and kissing/chatting for over an hour, eventually leading to more.

We eventually settled into bed for the night. We both wake up around 8am for work. As we’re nearing the time to fall asleep, she said she’s gonna set her alarm for 7:15 so we could cuddle for a bit before getting up. Will never tell her but I literally teared up because that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. I feel like an idiot because I never let myself fall this hard for anyone so quickly but I can’t help it. I feel so lucky.

And today, at midnight I became 100 dollars richer! Lol! She just sent the cash.

Backstory: Im a 27 year old guy just FYI. About a month ago on the dot, my sister and her girlfriends were inquiring about why I'm not "talking to any girls". I told them the truth - "I've never had any girl say yes when I've asked them out, nor has any girl ever shown me any interest."

My sister suggested "Why not just use Tinder? That will be easy to get you someone to talk to!"

I was like "Are you kidding me? I'm literally invisible on dating sites."

She said something along the lines of "I'm gonna take some nice photos of you right now and get you a girl ASAP."

I told her "I bet you 100 bucks that you can't get me a date within a month. I've been trying for years.".

They all laughed and she accepted the challenge.

She took a bunch of photos for me wearing some nice clothes, made a profile for me with some funny/charismatic content, and here we are 1 month later, still dateless.

She video chatted with me earlier saying that she couldn't believe how hard it was to get any matches, let alone get any of the girls to reply to me. She was also surprised at the rate at which some of the matches unmatched her once they received a nice message from her. I could tell how frustrated she was with the whole experience of dating as an unattractive dude (although she will never admit that I'm unattractive).

I'm not posting this to get any pity though. I personally think that this was an educating experience for my sister and her friends. I think that her Tinder account has over 1000 likes, so it was like two completely different worlds colliding. I actually think that now she understands my predicament a lot better, and I doubt that she will be hard on me for not having a girlfriend anymore. But only time will tell.

So anyways, I might not be a ladies man, but I made some easy cash and now at least my sister understands me better 😂😂

Pretty much the title. Men struggle to find a woman. Women struggle to find a good man.

doesn’t matter how big or small, don’t stop- everyone loves that stuff. they deserve to be hyped up and known that they’re loved by you, go shoutout your man (or woman) and show them off

I hope you all know I regret making this post, thank you.