It was a cold autumn night, i woke up from a strange dream, a mixture of sadness and joy. How many years of the same dreams..same trauma.. and the same small village that I used to live in peace there, until that moment when people abandoned me just because I became close friend to the vampires , they always think I betrayed them and no matter how much I tried to explain to them they don't believe me. I don't care anymore... , those are just fake people who act like true friends, even the two people who I thought like a good real parents to me did the same, just because I was friend with Lyle and iris and her brother Sirius too.
For how long? I don't know, but... if I'm going to stay in this world for a long time, I won't abandon her or anyone who helped me.
They supported me a lot; they are special friends, and I will help them with all my strength.
And When I decided to get up and eat breakfast on this new day, I found something I didn't expect! It was Sirius diary. Had he forgotten it here in the dining hall? He always forgets his important things in different places. He must have been carrying it with him to write down important stuff about his work and memories. He used to do this a lot when we were friends in a different timeline. He always told us it was important to write down anything useful and special so that we wouldn't forget those memories... But why did he leave it open like this? He must have been feeling sleepy and tired after helping iris with her research into a new way to preserve memories, especially after seeing how sad I was about her losing our old memories.
Although I know it's better for her to forget the time when she lost her friend Judy and her family, we've started a new life together, better than before. I've told him several times that I've forgotten about it... or maybe I just haven't been able to hide the sadness on my face. He's an intelligent person and cares deeply about his friends. Even Lyle couldn't hide his sadness and self-blame, even in the new world where I thought he would be happy. Although he's better than before, he's always sad about the time when I traveled through time to change everything, including the loss of our old memories. But there's something strange I haven't noticed.. how does Sirius remember some memories from that time when we met in the abandoned land? But iris doesn't remember me from that time? Yet she has a strange dreams from the past. Is it possible that Sirius used some kind of time-traveling device? But isn't this ability is rare!?, and not many people can use it , I didn't want to open the diary and read it without his permission, but... it was open, so I couldn't stop myself from reading some things to investigate.
But I couldn't finish reading everything, so I quickly closed it. It was... something that shocked me beyond my expectations. There were some frightening things I didn't expect Sirius to use in his research. There were the names of some missing vampires that I was searching for as part of my mission. This was an old diary, maybe... from when he was working with Oscar, but there were some new names too. I hope what I'm thinking isn't true...
I don't want him to sacrifice them just to find a way to travel through time and preserve everyone's memories, whether they're humans or vampires. He wants to finish this project, and that... isn't what I want. But before I judge him, I have to find him and ask him.
It was cold and rainy, and I tried to find him everywhere, but I felt hopeless... I tried to knock on his house door " How could you disappear like that, Sirius ? Did you use yourself as an experiment to test the success of time travel and memory preservation?" I didn't understand anything... I felt depressed and sad. Why couldn't we have a truly happy ending? Why? I was angry and confused... It's baffling... Everything I did was for our happiness, so why destroy everything I built? Everything I did and Lou for everyone's future.
I knew he lived here in this small house, alone among his research and books he found from different eras, but he wasn't here. Even when I called his name, I didn't hear him.
But suddenly, I found Iris near the small house, and she looked worried about me.
Iris: " You don't seem well these days... Why do you seem so worried? Calm down a little."
Iris looked at the dairy I have and she knows about Sirius mission,she didn't want to read everything since it's something special for Sirius, but she knows he probably put it there so i could read it ...she knows that Sirius want me to learn about that time travel device, and his memories when working with Oscar.
Iris : " Sirius went on a two-day trip to our old family home to get some old books. Besides, he wouldn't do anything bad to anyone, I'm sure he couldn't see u before he go because u wasn't in good mood latly, but he wants to tell u about it later.
All those things you saw in his diary from the past were names of people he was searching for to bring back to their families , But he couldn't save everyone from their fate... But he did what he could."
I felt sad .. and I couldn't look at iris eyes since I'm the one who couldn't fight my trust issues, even in new world it seems my worries and fear follows me in every timeline.
I felt anxious. I want to forget all that pain when I saw my family and everyone abandoning me one by one. The fear of losing those I love is painful, but I don't want to make iris worried about me, so I decided to calm down and think positively.
Iris : "Everything will be alright. We are here together, just ..try to trust Sirius more , you know he's not working with Oscar anymore, maybe i forgotten about the old memories between us, but Sirius told me about everything happened in the past and to be careful of Oscar and his soldiers in this timeline too ."
She came closer to me to hug me and makes me forget everything that bothers me. She is always here when I am sad, lonely, or happy, anywhere and anytime, while some memories will not return, but there will be more beautiful memories in our new world.
The gentle wind of the cold autumn trying to dry my tears , and push my fear away..why I give up to this side of me !? Why I let this negative emotions consume me !?
But I learned that humans mind can be their enemy too.
