I tried absolutely everything to fix my chronic anger. I meditated, prayed, listened to mr. Rogers for hours, read books on anger etc. nothing was working after years of trying.

I started supplementing magnesium recently and haven’t even been so much as agitated with someone in weeks.

I used to regularly scream and throw things over tiny issues until I lost the people I loved.

Now it’s legitimately hard to imagine getting that upset at literally anything. You could shoot my dog and I feel like I would just tell you I’m disappointed lmao. Spending $10 on some magnesium literally changed my life.

I don't know if it's my anger issues talking or my depression...I don't think I've heard of that combination before, depressive anger. But I seem to feel a lot of it lately.

Whenever I'm aggravated emotionally, and usually relating to other people, I get so angry. First at them and I want to punch them, but then I understand their side and that they are hurting too, but I'm still hurt and sad which makes me angry, so I'm just left with a guilt trip and I get so furious I want to stab a knife in my chest...is this something that typically happens to ppl...?

Lately I’ve been noticing that I take the extra step to avoid people, and it avoids situations that make me angry.

People are annoying. They question you. They want things done their way. They criticize you. They always find some way to be irritating, and I found the best solution is to just avoid them!

Anyone else feel this way?

I was always scolded for being upset, even at minor things as a kid.

Were you just not allowed to get angry as a kid?

Ex. Someone disrespects you and your parents just expect you to take it.

Feel free to reach out for more info.

The fact that people think you are being ridiculous because your really mad over some "small issue" makes things worse.

I used to be the guy who'd snap at the smallest thing. Someone cuts me off in traffic, I'm seething for 20 minutes. My wife says something the wrong way, I'm slamming cabinets. Not proud of it.

A therapist told me something that sounded like complete BS at first: the chemical process of anger in your body lasts about 90 seconds. That's it. After that, you're choosing to stay angry by replaying the thought.

So I started testing it. Next time I felt that heat rising, I literally watched the clock. Told myself "just get through 90 seconds." Didn't try to calm down. Didn't try to think positive. Just waited.

And... it actually worked? Not every time. But enough times that I started noticing the pattern. The initial surge is real and it's intense, but it passes way faster than I thought. What kept me angry for hours was the story I told myself ABOUT the thing, not the thing itself.

Some stuff that helped me get through those 90 seconds:

• Cold water on my wrists (sounds dumb, works fast)

• Leaving the room without saying anything (my wife and I agreed on this one ahead of time so she wouldn't think I was storming off)

• Counting my breaths instead of counting to 10 (counting to 10 never worked because I'd just think angry thoughts between numbers)

It's been about 8 months now. I still get angry. I'm not some zen monk. But the explosions are maybe 80% less frequent, and when they do happen, I recover in minutes instead of ruining the whole day.

Anyone else tried the 90-second thing? Curious if it landed differently for other people.

I swear every time I get angry about something it feels like it’s always my fault in some way and I end up being angry at myself.Like no matter how angry or furious I am, i I can’t let it out because I’m afraid I’ll look like I’m just a small angry toddler whose throwing a tantrum no one hears or cares. Anyone else feels same?

I just got done watching it, and it's really less about Mr. Rogers and more about the angriest motherfucker on the planet who gets stuck in a situation with Mr. Rogers. You get to see the main character struggle with the anger we struggle with, see the impacts of his actions in his life, and we get to see Mr. Rogers talk about and deal with anger. Really the whole movie is like a meditation on anger and it's really fucking beautiful.

Anger is the result of misguided optimism. Every time I am angry, I ask myself "what was I optimistic about"?

Oh, I was optimistic that I wouldn't be cut off in traffic - but obviously I will be cut off in traffic, just as everyone else is. Oh, I was optimistic and thought that I would win this game - but obviously I will not win all of the games that I play, even if I think the outcome isn't fair. Oh, I was optimistic that I would be treated the way that I treat others - but obviously I cannot apply my own standards onto others.

Like, yeah. My little sister just came in and started screaming. I’m in a school lesson. I had to mute my microphone and miss out on something whilst the class is laughing at my misfortune.

When I finally get her out of the room I’m in (because you refuse to let me in my room between the hours of 9am-4pm for ‘family time’ when I’m trying to do my damn work) and I tell her for the 5th time today to ‘go away’ and my anger is becoming increasingly more noticeable- I do not appreciate you saying ‘calm down’ or ‘someone’s not in a happy mood!’ Like, no shit.

It’s my life that’s being impacted by your bad parenting and blatant narcissism. You ruined my life- and when your parenting flaws are revealed- you divert and blame my anger and depression on myself. Yes- I can do things to change- but you aren’t helping.

Put my sister in another room and fucking parent her.

I can’t wait to get out of this hell hole and cut contact with these narcissistic assholes.

I’m on day 24 and the rage is unparalleled. I’m throwing shit at the wall, hitting myself more, and getting mad at the tiniest of things. I dropped a pen on the floor today and it sent me into a full blown rage attack where I started shoving my office chair and kicking stuff, mumbling profanities to myself. I’m beginning to worry that’s it’s not withdrawal and maybe this is just who I am sober.. I don’t want to be this way but it’s getting so hard to keep the anger in. I don’t know what to do. I was never this angry when I smoked so I can’t tell if it’s withdrawal or if I’m just a hateful and rage filled person. Has anyone had a similar experience or could maybe give some insight? I know 24 days is still early but I feel like I should be at least a bit better. I’ve only gotten worse since quitting and I just want to give up so I can be less angry all the time. Sorry for how long this is. I just need one sign to keep trying

I am big on self-teaching and have been researching free tools to help myself better manage my anger, so I thought I'd share. I'd love to hear whether anyone has had experience with any of these or others. Here's what I came up with:

Articles

• How to Use CBT for Anger Management from Mark Tyrrell's Therapy Skills (note: he does not appear to be registered as a practising psychotherapist on the UK register)

• Control anger before it controls you from the American Psychological Association

YouTube

• Anger Is Your Ally: A Mindful Approach to Anger, TEDx talk from Juna Mustad

• How to Never Get Angry - Anger Management for Everyone from Noah Elkrief (note: he does not appear to be registered as a practising psychologist on the New York state register)

• Free Anger Management Class Week 1 from Dr. John Schinnerer (note: he does not appear to be registered as a practising psychologist on the California state register)

Courses

• Anger Management (Short Course) from Oxford Home Study

• Online Anger Management Class (8h, 12h, 16h, and 24h long) from New Hope for Anger & Domestic Violence

• Anger & Irritability Management Skills (AIMS) from the US Department of Veterans Affairs

• Anger Control Certification Course from Udemy

If i get fustrated or angry i want to break things and i feel the urge to self harm by cutting or just to stab myself and i dont know why, anyone else get this

Yes and on top of that. people will expect u to understand that theyre dicks and its understable that they are mean bitches but because they know how to be "sneaky" about it society views it as okay and normal even if they know that sneaky person hurt a lot of people by being a bitch. but because they faked smiles and acted like a hypocrite its okay whilst if u are angry eeveryone will say you are insane. even if u are saying the right things if u say them with anger people will tell u u r crazy and unlikeable. even if u are close friends and they know ur trauma and ur years of opression they just leave u behind cause u got angry even tho they know ur trying to fix it but it aint easy. fuck. I wonder if any of these dickheads went thru what i went thru if they wouldnt be angry. yes im angry and to add to that i want to die because im dying inside but i have to hide it cause society will mock the fucking victim always and laugh at their mental illness which resulted from abuse but the same society will smile in the face of narcissists' who beat up their fucking childern or steal money and ruin others cause these people look decent on the outside

It just feels like no matter what I decide to do during the day, I always encounter a problem. I want to play video games? It glitches out or crashes. I want to browse the internet? It's slow and laggy to the point where it's unusable. I want to do something productive? I'm way too tired to do said thing and my mind can't even focus on it. I buy myself something nice? It ends up breaking on the second day through no fault of my own. I want to be left alone and have a day to myself? I'm forced to spend time with my family instead.

I just want one day, ONE day without something going wrong. They're not even major things, but I'm just so sick of everything being so 'wrong' and 'imperfect' that I will fly off the handle and literally throw things around the room the moment something unexpectedly throws a wrench in my plans/schedule. It's gotten so bad that I can feel my blood pressure raising whenever something ticks me off. I go into 'fight or flight' mode and I just can't calm down and stop being angry. Even if I was having a 'good' day beforehand, all it takes is a single problem that I can't solve right this second to ruin the rest of my day. Even if I somehow do manage to solve that problem, all of that time I wasted being angry ends up ruining everything and leaving me sour.

If there was such thing as a 'rageaholic' I'd fit the definition perfectly.

Instead of getting mildly annoyed by minor inconveniences, I spiral into extreme rage. I don't know why I'm like this. My boyfriend brought it up this morning and said that "he's never seen an adult act that way," which made me even more angry. The thing is, I'm aware of it, but I can't stop. As of right now, I'm still sitting downstairs, and the anger won't go away. It's been like two hours. I was fine when I woke up this morning.

When something big happens, I've noticed I don't get as angry. I get anxious, but not angry. I've been in major car accidents, have had people do pretty seriously mean and bad things to me, and I don't get angry at those. But when something minorly frustrating happens, I can't just get "mildly" annoyed. It's either rage, or nothing. I don't want to be this way anymore. Any advice or tips? I have pretty bad anxiety, so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it or not.

I just cant help it when I get mad. I legit wanna track people down and kill them. It last until I cool off but sometimes that takes a while. The anger is literally killing me with blood pressure. I think about tracking down and killing everyone who's done me wrong ever. I dont really want to but it's in my thoughts. I've tried therapy for anger and it doesnt help cause these therapists dont give a shit about my case. What do I do in the moment to cool off?

I (30M) punched my boss (45ishM) square in the face, knocked him out cold and broke his nose.

The story behind this is, I had just received a phone call from my mother informing me my father had just passed away, this was sudden and completely out of the blue, as he wasn't ill or had any reason to just drop.

This spun me out massively, I had no idea how to process this information, but I knew I had to get to the hospital and be with my family.

Enter my boss...

I told my boss what had happened and that I needed to leave. Instead of the "Of course, go! Let's us know if there is anything we can do" sort of stuff I was expecting; I got told to "Man the fuck up!".

Those words seemed to ring in my ears and echo through my mind and I saw red, and before I knew what I was doing my fist had connected with the centre of this asshats face.

There were plenty of witnesses to both sides of this so, there is no weasling out, but weirdly HR sided with me.

I'm not a violent person normally, but this struck me in such a way that my body acted on auto pilot, and now I'm concerned I may have latent anger issues.

Update:

Firstly, thank you all for your support, well-wishers and understanding, it hasn't gone unnoticed and I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

Truth be told I can't remember too much of the meeting with HR, but I have requested the meeting notes via a SAR that I will share a sanitised version of.

Also, unfortunately there weren't any cameras, as I work in a sensitive industry, devices that capture video are not permitted inside the office.

However, in the case for mobile phones, there are red stickers at reception you are suppose to place over the camera lenses, so that it can't be filmed.

I managed to meet up with one of my colleagues over the bank holiday weekend and apparently out of the 50 or so people in the office at the time, no-one saw a thing, I imagine that has something to do with why HR didn't do anything.

And as far as I am aware no charges are being pressed, but I do have a solicitor clued up anyway.

And it's not "things".

See things for how they are. And, not how you want them to be. Once you drill that in your head, you're strong enough to give yourself that sense of support and belief, that you lacked as a child.

"How could they do this to me?" Well...they did. Stop suffering. Get a hold of your adult self. Then go give that scared kid what he/she needed. Strength and stability. Go believe in yourself. So the kid has someone to believe in.

I love you, All. Good luck. And, I wish nothing but peace and all the blessings to be had.

I don't know what its been these past couple of weeks, but I've been flirting more and more with the idea of physically maiming people that are just complete assholes to me. And I don't mean just attacking them, I mean hurting them badly.

I know its not a healthy mindset but I just can't help it. When someone starts picking on me for no reason whatsoever I just wanna fucking strangle them, stab them, do permanent damage and not stop attacking them until they die. Its getting to the point where I don't know if I'll be able to restrain myself for much longer, I just get so angry in the moment. Not screaming angry, but wanting to fucking kill someone angry.

I'm in high school for reference, and I'm seriously worried that the next time some random bully makes some casually insulting comment, something as simple as "ha loser" I may just fucking gouge his eyes out.

I'm not sure what to do because when I'm angry I don't want to not be angry, I just want to hurt someone.

I started reading this book the other day on the train ride into work and today came across this under the subsection, Mindfulness of Anger. I thought this would be a good place to post it.

Personally I spend too much time looking for the arsonist and not focusing on putting the fire out. The anger lingers way longer than I want and it takes forever for the internal knots it causes to untie. This quote really hit home today and I hope that it truly changes my perspective on things and I hope it helps others here as well.

22 year old guy living with his parents. I don’t have a very good, if it’s even existent, relationship with my dad. I get anxiety around him. I don’t like talking to him, I don’t listening to him. Nothing he says is particularly unusual or interesting, but his tone and the way he says things is just very...aggravating. I think he’s introverted and his social skills aren’t the best, but he acts like an extrovert in compensation. He interrupts me all the time too. A lot of this is nitpicky, but what it comes down to is I hate the way I end up feeling even after the briefest interaction with my dad. I mediate, I workout, but it’s so hard not feel this way. I just constantly want to scream at him, “Why are you this way? Why do you do things this way?”. I think my dad is aware of how I feel but I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t have this conversation with him because I know it would end up with me getting angry, and I’m basically attacking his character so that wouldn’t work.

Is the only option to just keep him at arms length the rest of my life? His attempts at intimacy make my skin crawl because there so insincere. I don’t think he’s a narcissist, just someone with some issues of his own. I don’t know.

I'm a 28 y.o. male with a good career and recently engaged. I am physically fit and work out often. That all being stated, I'm trying to figure out where my annoyance with everyone comes from. I've always been this way it feels like, but I guess I'm tired of trying to avoid it as an issue.

I was at a public meeting for work recently and noticed that while everyone was mingling with each other and in generally good spirits, for seemingly no good reason at all, I felt annoyed with these people. None of them had done more than say hello to me, but just seeing the smiles on their face was upsetting. "How stupid is this all?" and "I really don't want to be here" type statements kept crossing my mind. Given I was on the ass end of a 12-hour work day, it doesn't take much from people to get me to this state of mind. Literally just existing around me is enough to trigger my annoyance. I'm tired of being the asshole, but its who I am.

My day-to-day at work consists of being around many high-energy people who, you guessed it, annoy me to high hell. It begins to fester in the morning and by the time I'm ready to leave I cannot stand the people in my office for another second. And they really don't do anything that should warrant my annoyance. As I stated, I have a good career that pays the bills and then some, but is ultimately unfulfilling. I feel like my anger with these people is a large contributor to it feeling unfulfilling. I get in this downward negative spiral of thoughts once the annoyance begins and end up in a place where I'm thinking that this job sucks and I'm killing my time here.

Its getting to the point to where I'm having trouble enjoying anything unless its stimulates me. I can't just sit and be somewhere that most people would at least be neutral in. I feel like a spoiled child who throws tantrums when they aren't where they want to be, but instead of kicking and screaming its deeply negative internal thoughts.

There's more, but I think this generally sums up the anger I'm dealing with. I don't know if I came here to get help or if I just needed to see this typed out in a public forum for my own cathartic reasons.