Tw: offensive words

Somebody called me an id**t today and I can't stop crying. Id**t should be treated like the ableist slur it is and not be accepted by society**.**

Hi! First time posting on here, was looking for a subreddit to ask this without being hit with a wall of people who still discriminate against bipolar disorder. I'd like to preface the story I'm about to share with the fact that I'm a mixed woman and the friend I'm discussing here is completely white.

About a year ago I experienced the worst manic episode of my life, the one which led to me being diagnosed. During this episode, I was fully convinced I was spiritually Chinese and needed to return to the homeland to fix myself and my life. I thought it was something in my family line because my dad lived in China for a decade. I am 0% Chinese, but I was in an episode and I could not be convinced of that. I was broke and homeless at the time, so I did nothing about it outside of learn a couple basic phrases in mandarin. When I was drunk a few months ago, I told my friend this story and we laughed about it. I have a habit of being more candid about my condition when I'm drunk.

My friend is one of two white people in the asian student association at her school, so when she had a get together a month ago, it was primarily composed of east Asian people. Before the party, she basically sat me down and told me that it was racist of me to have that episode, I should do something to redeem myself, and I absolutely cannot tell anyone at the party about it no matter how drunk I am. I was deeply embarrassed and ashamed in a way I hadn't been before, because as much as I knew it was out of my control, I could see how my episode could be received. Either way I barely knew these people and had no intentions of sharing.

Over time, this same friend has shamed me for more and more things I've experienced during episodes which were completely out of my control, but I understood more immediately that she was wrong for those instances. I am still not sure about the main instance, though. Was it racist of me to have that psychotic episode, or is it ableist to shame me or attempt to punish me for it? Or is it neither? Thank you!

Edit: Thank y’all for all these perspectives, I plan to reach out to my friend and discuss going forward. I’d like to emphasize a couple points that I believe I explained poorly.

I do not believe that asking me not to share was ableist, as I understand the potential impact of my episode. I was wondering if referring to the psychotic episode itself as racist and shameful and something I must repent for was ableist, and though that hadn’t necessarily been answered in this thread, I’ve gained a lot of new info.

I’d also like to ask a lot of you to unpack your ableism towards people with psychotic disorders. I have received some DMs from this post that show me that a lot of advocates for other disabilities still hold a lot of harmful beliefs against those with psychiatric differences. Thank you to everyone who has commented!

I keep seeing people in otherwise progressive spaces calling out the use of Down syndrome as an insult by saying things like "I volunteered for Special Olympics once and they were the friendliest people ever" and "we have a janitor with Down syndrome at my job and she works harder than anyone."

OK, but not the point. I'm not even going to get into the patronizing "people with Down syndrome are always happy" bullshit, but people with a particular disability don't have to be model citizens for it to be wrong to use their identity as an insult. Folks with profound developmental disabilities aren't able to work or to contribute much socially, and they should still be valued and respected. My friend's kid is constantly extremely loud and destructive and hard to keep safe no matter what has been tried. They're still a full human being worthy of respect and consideration, and being like them isn't an insult. People with disabilities that aren't straightforward or "pretty" are just as valuable and worthy of humanity as anyone else with or without a disability.

I grew up in a small town with cerebral palsy, and for a long time I felt like I had to pretend it didn’t exist if I wanted to fit in.

My dad did everything he could to make sure I was included. I’ll always be grateful for how hard he tried. I still remember how it felt to be left out of some of the bigger things growing up. I wanted to be there with everybody else, and I didn’t always know how to say how much it hurt when I wasn’t.

So I got pretty good at acting like I didn’t care. I’d put on this whole tough guy act because I figured if people saw that something bothered me, they’d feel sorry for me. And honestly, that shit gets exhausting. Sometimes I just wanted to be able to say I was hurt without worrying about how somebody was going to look at me afterward.

As I got older, I started meeting people outside my hometown. Some of them had disabilities too, and a few of them became my best friends. Hell, there are two of them I can talk to for ten hours in a day. Another one I still catch up with whenever we both have time. We talk about relationships, disability, whatever pissed us off that day, and a whole lot of shit I couldn’t even explain if you asked me what we talked about for ten hours.

The part that still gets me is how easy it feels to be around them. If I’m having a bad day, I can just say I’m having a bad day. If something funny happens, we laugh our asses off. I spent so much time as a kid thinking about how I came across to everybody that it took me a while to realize how much I’d missed just being able to relax around people.

Getting into disability advocacy and testing assistive technology helped me get more comfortable talking about my cerebral palsy, too. For years I’d downplay it to make other people comfortable. Now I get to talk openly about how it affects my life and what would actually make things easier for me.

I wish I could go back and sit next to that kid who was trying so damn hard to look like he didn’t care. I’d tell him it was okay to care. Being left out hurt because he wanted to be there. Of course it hurt.

And if any of my friends ever read this, thanks for listening, for putting up with my bullshit sometimes, and for calling me back even when we both know there goes the rest of the day. I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much that’s meant to me.

Did anybody else grow up feeling like they had to hide how much their disability affected them just to fit in? When did you start feeling like you could let your guard down?

I have vehophobia and I’ve had it ever since I tried driving for the first time. I’m slowly getting better about it, but I used to I get genuinely awful anxiety attacks just from the idea of it and would feel extremely ill behind the wheel. But I’m working through it with a therapist and gonna hopefully start driving next year!

That being said… so many people in my life tease me about it or downplay it, thinking I’m just being a coward or something. I recently made a reddit post talking about something that was happening in my life and many people were stuck on the fact that I’m 22 without my license. I was bullied and mocked for it, which didn’t feel good at all especially since I had clarified in my post that I had this phobia. I really wish people would at least TRY to understand, instead of just being rude and dismissive for no reason.

Image description:

User 1: If he is in a mental hospital 2-3 times a year, he's a red flag as far as dating goes. (15 upvotes)

Me: Disability isn't a dating red flag. (6 downvotes)

User 2: No, but mental instability is.

‐----‐---------

Granted, the guy in question was horrible, but there's no need to immediately focus on his disabilities. They make it sound like being mentally ill is worse than being misogynistic.

I made this AI-generated illustration to start a conversation about access being reduced to one visible feature. An entrance ramp can be useful while the spaces beyond it still exclude people—for example, a restroom with no room to maneuver and no grab bars.

For me, the issue is whether disabled people can actually use a place and participate once we get inside. What barriers do you wish people would notice beyond the front door?

The graphic illustrates an idea; it is not a photograph of a specific business or an assessment of legal compliance. “Officially accessible” in the image should not be read as a legal certification.

Image description: The upper panel shows a building entrance with a ramp and a green check mark. The lower panel shows a cramped restroom without grab bars and a red X. Text says: “Just because a building has a ramp does not mean that building is officially accessible.”

My flabbers were unspeakably gasted by this

My editor and I are having a difference of opinion regarding the use of the word lunacy. For context, I made a moon-centric board game, and the action cards are called lunacy cards.

They were called lunatic cards, but my editor said that's an ableist slur, and that lunacy is only slightly less offensive.

My opinion is that I'm using the word Lunacy as intended - moon madness - to describe the unique action cards. Merriam-Webster defines it as "intermittent insanity once believed to be related to phases of the moon", which seems incredibly fitting. The cards allow things like taking another turn, scoring more points, removing cards from a board, discarding down to one card, then drawing three.

I want to use Lunacy because it seems like the best word: easy to say, descriptive, and moon-themed.

While Lunatic was once a word used to dehumanize people, it's fallen out of practice. I'm not using to describe a person, but is "lunacy" still too tainted of a word to use in a board game?

If this isn't the best place to ask this question - I would love your recommendations.

It's scary how many of the able-bodied people in this documentary agreed with the (albeit modernised) anti-disabled nazi propaganda!

Basically my disability was used to get staff members off a complaint I made. They also attached labels to me I don’t identify with ☹️
I’ve had no one to talk about this. I live in a small country and there are no support services.

I only came forward with my story when it broke in the News how terrible the organisation treat their staff. Sorry the post to read through is rambling and it touches on different things

Edit: I have been so gaslighted by them saying they need it for ‘context’
It’s like using someone’s skin color for ‘context’
Edit; I desperately want someone to say what they did was wrong no one has 😢
Legally I can’t outright call them ableist cos it’s my personal opinion.

I’ve been sick for a long time and it’s been getting worse lately.

I battle with grieving the life I wanted to live and adjusting to my reality of being disabled and unable to work enough to meet my own financial needs.

Disability is not enough to live on and I am currently in the shelter system and really struggling with quality of life here.

I told my friend I was feeling interested in finding out more about MAID (medically assisted death) as I don’t see my life getting better with systemic limitations and my own personal limitations.

“I’ve seen you work before and maintain a beautiful life. I know working sucks and having a schedule to adhere to sucks but that’s being an adult.

Time will not stop ticking, before you know it you will be there already a year without any improvement and god knows what other horrific experiences richer.. you have to do something about it, you are the only one that can change the paths of your life. Not the government, not your family/friends.. but you.

And you saying this makes me angry. You have been through so much. And this is how you want to leave the world? Living in a shelter where you don’t belong? I’m sorry but you are way too good for that and you’re choosing this life.

And working for minimum wage sucks, it's horrible... but it's a 10000 times better than being stuck in a shelter with all th stories you told me. You start from the bottom and you work your way up, it's horrible that life is like that.. but it is. It just is, and there is nothing you can do that Is going to change that. You will not be able to beat that system. And for your own sake; If you can't beat them, join them. And later on, when you grow and start making more money, you will be able to do things you love to do, to travel, to give back to the community”

They think it’s a personal failing and a matter of desire and will power. Completely invalidating my disability etc etc etc.

Before any more judgment…I’m sober…educated and all that. I did all the “things” and I’m still sick

(people who struggling with substance abuse etc STILL DESERVE to be housed).

I’m so done with the school system. My classmates are the dumbest, most annoying twats ever. All they know is the latest TikTok trend or how that cute boy is husband material, completely ignoring the fact that he’s a sex pest. And they get to succeed, soar, and shine because they have the privilege to be able minded. I nearly died because my school does fuck all to support my needs. I’m just so tired of watching the most insufferable idiots rise to the top while I get a pat on the back and a “try using a planner.”

I posted in r/ChatGPT about being a disabled user losing the only ChatGPT model/workflow I can reliably use for high-stakes admin, benefits, legal letters, complaints and organisation. I expected some disagreement. I did not expect quite such a clean Ableism Bingo card. 🧑🏻‍⚖️⚖️🔨

I mean, I rely on it to assist me with the day to day tasks of living, managing appointments, and all of the other things I have mentioned. I am completely burned out, not just with Audhd but also other health issues as well so I do not have many spoons. And I have been using it in order to assist me in getting practical support, from OT services so that I can sort out assistance with all the above.

The model I am currently using goes away on the 14th of this month, I have tried contacting the company to see if they have any reasonable adjustments. I am simply not well enough nor do I have enough EF or Cognitive bandwidth to learn another new model or interact with the upgraded ones and not really understand how to use them or prompt them.. that means I would be more likely to make mistakes that could impact badly on sensitive subjects.

But genuinely, I am horrified by the comments and the discrimination I encountered on that subreddit, and by being downvoted for saying I could not manage suggestions I had already explained were inaccessible to me.

I feel really gutted by the whole thing. It was not just disagreement; it was watching people repeatedly reframe an access need as preference, laziness, emotional attachment, poor planning, or refusal to adapt. I wish I could adapt instead I just got pitchforks and a mob coming at me. 😓

feel really disheartened right now....

An etymology sub was discussing this, and people were saying it was for rich people who were cheating. I tried to explain that autistic people often can't stand the overwhelm of living with one other person in a small place, and I got downvoted. Unless you are quite wealthy and can afford a big house with many rooms, the overwhelm of having someone there 24/7 is too much for some of us neurodivergents. But apparently I am wrong for saying that.

Also benefits are cut if you live with somebody else.

We need to address an elephant in the room

It’s one thing to suggest all play nice and comprehend people who have difficulty communicating, I myself am in both worlds with having the most tolerant advocate ask me to reword things so they understand me, and yet I’m frustrated and hasty with own “ what are you trying to say?” With people who know English

But, I make the mistake of following whatever is going on in my USA and I’m tired of being gaslit and told the presidents just yas his own way if things, we are all not understanding.

So. F a person has a job with a lot of power, should they have to communicate clearer ?

I see videos about how NT people confuse ND people, I see posts elsewhere about aphasiac and thought disorders with or without mental health disorders where thoughts get scrambled .

Should people who cannot communicate clearly have a poision where our lives can be in their hands ? I’m the last person to ask, but if that is the case, why not? No skill, no money, horrible PR. Maybe I could, and continue the cycle of emotional abuse .