This just happened two nights ago, so I’m still reeling emotionally. I know this is long, but there’s some important background context, and I am in desperate need of answers. I’ve been a longtime listener to the THT podcast, so I’m really hoping that the community can just…give me options on what I can do.

Almost 6 years ago, I (29M) lost my partner suddenly in an accident while he was overseas on a work trip. When I lost him, I cannot describe the pain and the anguish and the emotional hellscape that I found myself in. We planned a life together and in a fraction of a second it was all gone.

In the aftermath, I completely collapsed as a human. I left my career in healthcare, I couldn’t leave my apartment for 3 months, I lost 60 pounds and was already really skinny, and I just shut down. In short, I was a mess in every single way. With the support of some very persistent friends, community resources, and an amazing therapist, I started to process and move forward. Through intense therapy and temporary psychiatric help, I’ve been able to heal over the years, though grieving isn’t a linear process.

Fast forward to around two and a half years ago when I met my current boyfriend (29M). It’s hard to describe getting into a relationship after losing a soulmate, but please know that he wasn’t a rebound and isn’t second place or anything like that. I do love him with my whole heart even though I’ll always still love my late partner.

My boyfriend has a foundation of similar values, ideal relationship dynamics, communication styles to my late partner, but has a completely different personality, look, lifestyle, appearance, etc. I love him for all of his differences as much as his similarities. My therapist and I knew that it was important for me to not date someone who I would expect to be a stand in for my late partner. Her and I have checked in constantly throughout the major stages of my relationship to ensure that I’m sticking to that.

At this point, I’ve honestly pictured what the rest of my life would look like with him in it, and he’s said the same. He was also the most understanding boyfriend when I first told him about my late partner’s passing and my grieving journey. If there was a textbook way to handle the situation, he could’ve written the whole thing. I truly could not have asked for a better boyfriend. That was until yesterday.

My boyfriend likes to play pranks on me, and he’s even filmed some of them to upload online. It’s not a constant thing or frequent enough for me to always be on my toes, and I’ve always said that I’m prone to weird things happening to me, so I’m never the wiser when I’m being pranked.

For sake of anonymity, I won’t go into details on previous pranks he’s pulled, because a few have gotten quite a large number of views, but they’re mostly harmless, annoying, etc. As much as I hate being pranked in the moment, he’s never gone too far, he’s always checked in on me, he gets my permission to post them, and all that. I guess I should say that he had never gone too far until yesterday.

He texted me in the morning to confirm dinner plans we had that evening, and I replied asking if he needed me to pick up anything on my way home from work. At least twice a month, he cooks us an elaborate dinner. I’m talking coordinated wine pairings, 5 courses, tasting menus, things like that. Like I said, he’s a perfect boyfriend. I planned to FaceTime him at lunch like I always do, so no big deal. Well he didn’t answer me at lunch. No big deal, he’s probably busy. I sent him a couple more texts after lunch, just random stuff, but he never responded, and when I finished work my phone showed he never even read them. I got a little anxious admittedly but pushed it aside. I don’t need to hear from him constantly, but a sudden break in our routine felt weird because he always tells me in advance when something is going on or if he’s busy. Always. He also always forgets something for the dinners he makes us and asks me to grab something on the way home. Always. Not today though.

Anyway, I drive to his apartment from work and let myself in with the key he gave me. I expected to hear music, smell some dinner, or something, but it was completely silent. I put my stuff down on the hall bench and walked toward the kitchen. I saw grocery bags at the kitchen's entrance, which I thought was weird. As soon as I entered the kitchen, I saw a broken wine glass at the far end of his kitchen island with a few drops of what I thought was red wine until I saw his feet sticking out. I sprinted around the island and he was laying on his side, facing away from me. There was blood everywhere. On the edge of the island, splatters on the wall, and a large pool of blood around his head.

I haven’t made the sounds that came out of me since I got the call that my late partner passed. My heart was racing so bad that my chest and head hurt. Though I felt like I was in full blown panic mode, I physically went into autopilot. I work in healthcare again, so I'm glad that my instincts kicked in.

He was on his side, so I flipped him flat on his back. From what I gathered, trying to take a medical visual inventory of his injuries, it looked like he was just bleeding from his head. He didn’t respond to my voice or a quick sternal rub. He wasn’t moving at all, and when I put my ear down to his mouth, I wasn’t hearing or feeling breathing. He had blood all over his face, so I couldn't tell if his lips were blue or anything like that. I do remember checking for a pulse and I truthfully didn’t feel one though in hindsight I can’t be sure if I was mentally stable enough to discern one either way, so I tilted his head back and put my hands over his chest to start CPR while screaming at my phone for Siri to call 911. I only got 2 hard and fast compressions in when he miraculously “came back from the dead” screaming bloody murder.

After that, I’m not going to lie, I blacked out a bit. I remember getting lightheaded, my boyfriend shaking me, him apologizing, I remember him calling off 911, and I remember leaving his apartment covered in what I had obviously figured out was fake blood. I did get a call from 911/police to confirm basically that my bf had played a prank and no one needed help. Otherwise, I felt completely catatonic in a way? I dissociated.

Needless to say, since last night I’ve been a complete mess, I’m angry, and I’m devastated. The entire thing keeps playing in my head, and while the logical part of my brain knows that he pranked me and that he’s alive, my body hasn’t figured it out. Worse, this completely brought up everything surrounding my late partner, and I feel like I have to start my grieving process for him all over again. The anger I feel isn’t a revenge type of anger, but an exhausted type of anger. The rage is so strong and intense that it’s taken every once of energy away to act on any of it. I guess that’s a good thing.

My boyfriend has tried calling me over 40 times. He’s sent me too many texts to count. He even came over to try to talk to me that same night, but luckily even though he has a key, I have a deadbolt chain so he wasn’t able to get in. Basically he shouted an apology through the crack and begged me to talk to him. My neighbor shooed him off after a while. My friends have also messaged me to ask if I was safe, saying he contacted them and told them everything. I’ve only texted one of my friends back. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, but I just...need to crowdsource thoughts right now.

My boyfriend’s sister called me this morning in tears apologizing on her brother’s behalf and told me how sorry he is. She said that if he would’ve told her about the prank beforehand, she would’ve chewed him out for even thinking of the idea. Their parents were horrified as well and have said that they are here to support me in whatever way I need.

His sister told me that he had come over to her house after I didn’t let him into my place and he was having a major anxiety attack with chest pain, racing heartbeat, and trouble breathing. It was so bad that she took him to the ER where they learned that I had fractured a couple of his ribs while attempting to give him what I thought was life-saving CPR and in the process had also punctured a lung.

There are so many emotions going through my head right now. I am so angry at the world for — yet again — ripping away a man I love from me, because even though he’s alive, I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to get over this. At the same time, I still love and care for him. It’s like, all I want to do is rush to the hospital to be by his side, while at the same time feel like the sight of him would make me sick. He disgusts me in every way, yet the thought of being without him breaks me in ways I can't explain.

What do I do? Is there any possible way for me to heal from this? Do I even consider trying to fix things with him? Do I even want to make this work? Was this entire relationship a facade that he built up to “sell” a prank that is so personal and cruel and disgusting? Why would he do something that he knew would destroy me so thoroughly? What did I do to him that made him think that I deserve this? How do I start my grieving process over while also processing this breakup? How can I ever trust anyone ever again? I mean seriously. What the fuck do I do?

My husband 27 and I 25f have a 7 month old who we both gush over how cute our baby is. Anyways on Valentine’s Day I asked him if all he could do was stop at a store and get a small balloon on his way home from work.. When he got home our baby and I were dressed up to greet him and he came in with a HUGE bouquet and HUGE balloon and caramel chocolates and our favorite red wine, we are very tight on money right now so my first concern was money but then he told me “you let me worry about that and just enjoy these because you’re worth it” and then handed the balloon to our baby who was scared of it at first lol but eventually warmed up to it especially the clip that came with it. then we spent the rest of the night drinking a little wine and working on a puzzle we bought forever ago it was one of the best nights ever

Edit: thank you everyone for your kind words!! I am also a doom scroller on here and see a lot of negativity, like a lot, and want to read wholesome stuff every now and then so I thought I would share my story. It’s simple but really was one of the best nights ever and I really hope my husband sees this post

Edit 2: I am not just giving my infant a balloon and walking away it’s one of those metallic balloons that is STILL floating despite March being 3 days away we had fun with it but baby wasn’t even slightly interested in the balloon baby wanted the clip that came with it instead now it’s tied away in a corner of our living room

Next everyone asking “what’s the hot take” the hot take is not everything you read on Reddit has to be nasty and disturbing hope this helps clarify some things <3

Original Post

First, I want to thank everyone for the support and advice they gave. Like I said in my previous post, I just fell asleep during the car ride and told him I felt sick. We were heading to my parents house and I really wanted to be by them.

However, within 45 minutes my husband woke me up and told me he found a nearby hotel for us to stay in. He said he was worried about me and wanted me to rest in a real bed he also bought medicine for me. At this point I was freaking out because know I was in an unfamiliar area and he was being extra clingy. Once we got in the room and we laid down he kept cuddling me and giving me kisses. It made me feel sick and so I left to go to the bathroom.

I stayed in the bathroom for about an hour. I scrolled through everyones comments and kept pacing myself about what to do. I knew my husband was growing concerned because he kept checking on me. After I left the bathroom he looked so worried and I just needed to let everything out.

I know the number one advice given was not to confront him, and I know it probably was a horrible move, but I couldn't take it. I told him I found his messages on instagram.

He immediately started apologizing and saying he wanted to tell me sooner but couldn't find the time. He was apologizing but not as intensely as what he could have done. So I confronted him about that and said "what a lousy apology coming from a pedophile."

He immediately went silent. It was probably silent for about 6 minutes when he broke it and asked what I was referring too. I told him and he looked so hurt. He took a deep breath and explained everything.

He said the person I looked through his messages with was his 15 year old daughter, Sarah. He explained that she reached out to him a year ago on Facebook and ever since then was trying to connect with her. He said within 6 months he confirmed he was the father, met up with her bunch of times, and truly formed a strong connection with her. However, 6 months ago we got married and he didn't want to stress me out with that news, as well as his daughter not being ready to face others. He also explained that when he was 18 he had an on and off relationship with a Sarah's mom when one day she just up and ghosted him forever. According to Sarah her mom is also strict, which is why the message on instagram to avoid her mom finding out right now.

My mind was spiraling and I knew he knew that. He then placed his phone into my hand and let me scroll farther. Upon scrolling I found her referring to him as dad and she sent him a happy fathers day awhile back as well. He even said he would to another DNA test to prove it to me.

I immediately felt guilty. I feel guilty that my immediate mind took innocent texts and turned them inappropriate. and I felt guilty that I saw my husband in that way. I kept apologizing to him about the accusation. However, my husband just apologized and said he understood my point of view and told me it wasn't my fault. I kept trying to tell him I was sorry and he kept saying it was okay. I can see the look in his eyes though and I can see how hurt he really is. He said we should both just get some sleep and talk more later.

To be honest I can't fall asleep as I feel just disgusted with myself. About his whole secret daughter it doesn't bother me so much (maybe bc its miles better than the alternative). But I understand the situation and am happy for my husband because he wants kids desperately but we have decided to wait two years to grow our marriage. I feel as if right now I flushed everything down the drain and have no clue how to make things better.

Edit: To answer some common questions or concerns

- To the people who think my husband sucks for not telling me earlier: he acknowledged that it was wrong and through his apology I understand why he did it. I am slightly hurt, however if I put myself in his shoes revealing a secret daughter would be hard and difficult. I don't take it as he doesn't trust me more of its a delicate situation to bring up.

- To the people who think I suck for invading my husbands privacy and making rash assumptions. Yes, that as horrible of me and I take full accountability. My husband understand my point of view and doesn't blame me for rushing to conclusions. Although, he is hurt I could imagine him as that sort of person

- Long story short we both empathize with each others actions. Yes we both are hurt, but understand why the course of events played out this way. Thank you to all the comments, and idk what kind of proof I can give lol. But one thing I can assure you is that I did not steal this off of some tiktok and would like if anyone had the "tiktok" I stole it from lmao.

So I’ve been dating this guy (26m) for about a month now, and it’s starting to become serious between us. He is such a sweet guy, I haven’t noticed any red flags - and I’m normally very hyper vigilant to such.

The other night we were both scrolling through reels on our phones, and I see a couple of Andrew Tate videos pop up on his for you page. So I ask him if he likes Tate, he didn’t really give a straightforward answer - but while discussing, he says something like “Tate is kinda misunderstood, and if you watch his full discussions with women etc. you would view him in a different light” But idk, I must confess I don’t really know that much about him, but from what I’ve heard he’s basically a walking red flag.

I know my boyfriend likes boxing, and that’s probably partly why he’s interested. I should also mention that my bf was raised in a female dominated home and is a little mamas boy, and loves his sisters very much too! He’s never spoken disrespectfully about any women and is very gentle and mindful of me!

So should I be worried?

I 22F had received a love letter from a co-worker 43M, and I was wondering if I’m the asshole for how I responded. Some have said that I was out of line and over reacted and that I was an asshole for saying what I did, while others are on my side and agree with how I handled the situation.

Just a little back ground I have worked at said company for 3 years and he has worked there for almost a year. I have only had about 5 conversations with him that have only lasted around 5-10 minutes each retaining to work related things only and never about our personal lives.

He has expressed wanting to hang out with me outside of work but I had told him I’m pretty busy outside of work as I am still in school. He also had gone to a couple other co-workers that know me from outside of work and had pressed them for any personal information about me to give to him (They did all decline).

Hi everyone, long time listener of THT and FKS. looking for advice or comfort, as I am truly heartbroken.

I 20F, and my best friend 21F have been friends since high school. Now, we are apart of the same college friend group.

Friday night, everyone was hanging out together like we typically do on the weekends. I had one drink, and my best friend had 3-4 drinks before we went back to her house.

Everything was totally normal. I wasn’t exactly planning to stay the night, but she pleaded with me and said we could get breakfast in the morning if I stayed. I obliged, and she told me she was going to sleep alone in her room so that she could call her long distance boyfriend. So, after telling each other “i love you, goodnight” and giving hugs, I went to go sleep in the guest room.

About 20 minutes later I received a text from her that read “she’s staying in the guest room so i don’t want to shit talk her too loudly” i responded with a simple “huh?” and received another, longer text complaining about how she just can’t figure out a “respectful” way to get rid of me.

It was probably around 2:45AM at this point, but I packed up all of my things and snuck out the back door. The next morning she sent me a voice memo apologizing and saying that she was drunk and meant to text her boyfriend but “i’m just not that fun anymore” and we’ve “grown apart.”

My heart is broken. It feels wrong to bring it up to anyone else in our group of friends, so I’ve spent the last few days grieving, and trying to remind myself that i’m only 20 and can still bounce back and find new friends. Unfortunately, my 21st birthday is in a few weeks and now, I fear I won’t have anyone to spend it with.

I guess, posting this and venting anonymously online to a bunch of strangers might help? I’m not sure, but while I wait for my emergency therapy appointment tomorrow, any advice is appreciated. :)

I 46M have 1 daughter 26F whose mom ran off when she was 7 and came back when she was 15 claiming she wanted a relationship.

She gave it a chance and apparently got really close to her new stepdad apparently he is a really cool guy and likes similar things to her like hockey and also plays guitar like my daughter. I initially thought that it was great she was bonding with her stepdad and her mom.

She is getting married to her fiancé 30M who she has been dating for 4 years. I pitched in for the wedding as did her mom upwards of 25,000 dollars. The day fast approaching and she told me she has chosen her stepdad to walk her down the isle as they have really bonded over the past 11 years. I didn’t say anything at the time but I have already decided that I will not be going as I won’t be direspected like this. If she wants to be a happy family with her mom who abandoned her for 8 years go for it but count me out.

It wasnt either of them who went to all her hockey games

It wasn’t them who payed for her tutoring for exams

It wasn’t them who went through the financial hardship of working 3 jobs until she was 17 to support both of us

And it wasn’t them who was here when she got her milestones it was me

I won’t be telling her I’m not coming I just won’t show

I’m a single dad of two kids (17f and 3m) This post is about my son.

His mom just sort of,,, dropped him off in 2021 when he was 3 months old, and i’ve been solely responsible for him since.

He was a cute baby, but is now pretty big for his age (doc said it’s normal, he’s just,, big.) Because of that he can be an absolute terror. Hitting and even biting his older sister, starting fights at dinner for no reason, throwing tantrums if he can’t have his favorite snacks, etc.

So far he’s: Broken a TV, peed on my favorite reading chair, trashed the bathroom on multiple occasions, continuously bullies his sister to the point she now needs to sleep in my arms like when she was little so she can feel safe.

He’ll keep me up at nights refusing to sleep and running all around the apartment after repeated attempts to put him to bed. It’s costing me sleep and sometimes i just hate him for being so annoying. I know he’s young and can’t help it, but God.

He will be 4 at the end of october and my oldest daughter is currently dealing with some health issues, and his bullying doesn’t help. I do leave my oldest in charge while i work as i can’t afford a sitter, so my sons bullying can’t really be addressed properly in the moment when im not at home.

I’m at a loss. Morgan and fam, what do I do?

also they are both cats

(Sorry ahead of time for the length of this one, but there is a lot of key details I think are important) I know how this sounds, but hear me out. This is also not my usual account but I don’t want to risk my wife seeing this, as it is currently a sensitive subject.

My wife (female 43) and I (Male 47) have a daughter (Female 21) who goes to college out of state. We will call my wife Meg and my daughter Jess.

Jess is in her Junior year of college. Over the summer she was employed by her university and was able to stay in the dorms. After summer she was moving out of the dorms and into her own apartment off campus.

Meg and I live in the PNW (Jess goes to school on the east coast). We usually go to visit Jess a couple times throughout the semester, typically parents weekend and move out day. She also comes home during the holidays.

Let me start by saying that traveling with my wife is not a great experience. I am very type a, I like to have everything organized and make sure that we get where we need to be early, especially when traveling. My wife is the opposite, very “go with the flow” and “we will get there when we get there”. I do my best to meet in the middle, but not when traveling by plane.

Last year, during parents weekend Meg and I were going to fly out to see Jess. Our flight was at 10am. Our airport isn’t huge, but not a tiny airport either. I told my wife that we needed to be at the airport 90 minutes early, and we live about 30 minutes for the airports. This being said I wanted to leave at the very latest by 8, since we would also need to park and walk a little bit.

I of course got up at 6, to make sure everything was ready and accounted for. My wife does not like to get up early. It took me attempting to wake her up 5 times before she eventually got up at 740 then wanted to make coffee, shower, and eat a bowl of cereal … let’s just say that we didn’t leave the house until 9. It ended up being busier at the airport than normal (likely due to many colleges having parents weekend) and it took so long to get through security that we missed our flight.

Rightly so, the airline refused to refund our ticket. We were able to get new tickets but not until the next day and missed Friday afternoon and Saturday morning with our daughter. Jess was disappointed to say the least.

Fast forward to now. We were flying down for a long weekend to help her move. We take one flight from our town to a bigger town nearby, then fly from there to my daughters college town.

Again it was a long morning of me pushing my wife getting her to move along. Due to the last airport mishap I wanted to make sure I told her we needed to leave extra early as to not miss the flight again.

We got there on time, with a bit of time to spare, and my wife was annoyed. Kept going on about how now we just have to sit and wait for 45 minutes for them to start boarding.

We took our first flight and landed in the connecting city, at a much larger airport. We only had about 1 hour layover. We got off the plane at 915 and our next plane started boarding at 940. We had to take multiple rails to get from where we landed to our terminal. We got to our terminal and had about 15 minutes until our plane was set to board.

My wife tells me that she wants to get coffee. There was a little market next to our terminal that sold hot food and coffee. I asked if she wanted me to go grab it for her. “No I want Starbucks” she said. Well Starbucks we a rail ride away, and a little bit of a walk. I told her we couldn’t do that, we didn’t have enough time. She stated that we had enough time and if I wouldn’t go with her she would go by herself. I tried to discourage her but she was determined. She walked away, at a brisk pace for her, and said she would be back in time.

15 minutes went by and she was no where to be seen. The started calling boarding groups, I called my wife hoping she was near by, she didn’t answer. They called a few groups, then called ours. In a panic I called my wife again, 3 times, finally on the last call she answered and said she was on her way, it was a long line and she had to wait a bit. I told her they were almost done with boarding and she needed to hurry up.

I waited by the gate but the attendant said they would need to shut the gate in 2 minutes. I waited and waited, but she didn’t show up. The attendant asked if I wanted to board, otherwise she was closing the gate. I tried to plead with her to wait a couple of minutes but she insisted that she couldn’t. So, I boarded the plane.

A few minutes later my wife calls me saying the the attendant won’t let her on, they had already removed the boarding ramp at that point. She told me I needed to tell them to let me off the plane to be with her and I said no. It is not fair to do this again to Jess, I said I told you we didn’t have time but you decided to go anyways. I told her to go purchase a new ticket for the next flight and I would see her when she arrives.

She got to Jess’s school and seemed unbothered by the whole situation, didn’t even really talk about it. I thought maybe she realized it was her fault and just wanted to drop it.

Boy was I wrong. We are now home and she hasn’t talked to me since the trip, over a week ago, and is insisting that I am an asshole. So, am I the asshole?

UPDATE:

Wow, I know a lot of people say this but I really didn’t think this would get as big as it did. Thanks everyone for the responses. I have been trying to read them in batches when I have time, because I have been getting some good suggestions. I wanted to answer a couple questions I saw as well as add a bit of extra info.

For those who are outside of USA, PNW is Pacific Northwest.

As far as how she acts in other situations, she generally doesn’t have any issues. She is never one to be late to work or anything like that, or just seems like travel is her poor area. I never noticed things like this until we started traveling often to see our daughter. This is why I never considered ADD/ADHD, she really shows no other signs of this.

I saw posts implying that my wife might have an addiction of some sort, I’m not sure how that would line up but I don’t see that being a possibility

I didn’t think the following information was important, but my daughter made a comment, and so did a friend that I discussed this with, so I thought maybe I would mention it here.

Jess is not Meg’s daughter. I was married one before and my wife unfortunately passed away due to complications during Jess’s birth. I remarried Meg when my daughter was 6. My daughter made a comment that Meg doesn’t like want to come to see/help her and that is why she is always running late, but I have offered to go alone and Meg was always very against that idea so I wouldn’t think that is the case.

Update 2 posted in comments, wouldn’t allow me to add any more info here (kept giving me an error)

Sorry if the title sounds clickbait-y. My ex posted on aita with the “aita for not wanting to close my gfs closet” and I just wanted a place to respond. My now ex bf (23m) and I (24f) we were together for 2yrs, would’ve been 3yrs next month. We meet through a mutual friend (my roommate at the time) because of our similar interests.

• For context: I’ve lived in my apartment for about 4 yrs, the mutual friend stayed in the beginning but they move 3 yrs ago, so since then I’ve been living on my own. I was originally going to have my bf move in with me once my lease ended, but of course, change of plans.

• So my ex posted on aita for leaving my closet door open yet he missed very important details. One question the kept appearing was why didn’t 𝘐 close the door even though I👏NEVER👏LEAVE👏IT👏OPEN👏. Ever since I was little I’ve trained my brain to always make sure the closet door was closed. I’ll add a TW here just in case, but when I was 6, I was sharing a room with my older sister, one night she went over her friends house for a sleepover. My parents and I got home a bit late. I remember it being hot since we had the ac on. I went to bed but was tossing and turning because it’s 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 hot. I kept hearing a noise from somewhere but wasn’t sure from where and just assumed it was the ac. I laid on my back just staring at the roof and heard my closet door being open. My bed was faced towards the closet so when I moved my head down, I could see this old man coming out of it. I screamed and my parents came running in. My dad grabbed me and I saw my mom hitting that man with one of her favorite pans. We called the police and later found out that the man was homeless, must’ve snuck in while we were away and hid in my closet when he heard my parents car come in.

*Since then I’ve suffered from ptsd in fear of someone coming in my closet again. I slept with my parents for a few years after that. We moved to another state once I hit high school. Parents got me a therapist when the incident occurred and to this day, I’m still going to therapy. I felt like it wasn’t working tho because it just like I was venting and the therapist would go “uh huh, and how does that make you feel?” Instead of suggesting something to help me. That was until my current therapist, she suggested that I could use something like a nightlight and place it by the closet, then I asked if I use something else like something that could stick onto the walls. It was first these big glow in the dark Dino stickers. I felt kinda silly about it first when I did put it up but when I had my sleep paralysis, I was still scared but was now able to tell what was sleep and what wasn’t and fave me a sense of comfort. I changed the themes occasionally to dinos, planets, and now stars. For the past 7 years, it’s worked for me.

*I moved out of my parents home at 20 to live in an apartment with my friend who I meet in college (I only went for 2 years). I explained to her about my situation because we shared a room and there’s only one closet. She understood me completely. She only ever left it open once when she came home from a Night Shift. She was remorseful and never did it again when she saw how bad I suffered from it.

*Now to me ex: we pretty much clicked when we met. Had similar hobbies, liked exploring new foods, it was fun. I also told him about my trauma. Asked that I didn’t mind it being open during the day, but at night, it needs to be closed no matter what, he could still put or take something out of it but to close it back up. He complied throughout the entirety of our relationship. It wasn’t until a few months ago where he started to act very controlling. He would say small comments about certain foods I would eat, like how it’s affect my liver or something and recommended other things. I brushed it off thinking he’s just looking out for my health. It started getting to a point where he suggested I quit my job at one point when he finished college and moved in but I told him that it’d be beneficial for 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 of us to be working. He never asked again, however he did start asking things like if I could cook for him even though I said I was tired from work, would I stop working if he made enough money for the both of us, if I still wanted kids. I think he wanted to ask me to be become a stay at home wife/mother but I could be over analyzing.

• On the night before we broke up: when he decided to “test me”, I had the worst hallucinations since I was a teenager. I wake up, see the door open, and start to imagine the man I saw all those years ago. When I woke the next day it was around 4 am, I was able to move and started to cry immediately to a point where I couldn’t shred anymore tears and apart from the migraine from crying too hard, I felt a numbness. So when he woke up a few hours late I waited for him in the kitchen just honestly feeling tired, I didn’t yell just spoke in a monotone voice. I told him how I had one rule and that was to close the door, he got defensive saying he felt like I was lying about my trauma just to see if he would care for me. I told him to leave while I thought things over. I never ignored him and he never texted me the whole week. But now I know for sure that there’s no saving this relationship. And you can get your stuff from your brother, I already told him what you did. So good luck. 👍 I’ll be moving in with my sister out of town, I’m not renewing my lease, I just want to be with people who actually support me.

Minor update: I booked a therapy session for both us so we can have a proper conversation. That does not mean we’ll be getting back together.

My husband and I got married a year ago. He and I didn't live together before, in fact we hardly saw each other because we both worked and studied at the same time, so our time was quite limited. We got married and went to live together in his apartment.

Unfortunately two months after our wedding his father died in an accident. My mother-in-law and my husband (who is an only child) were devastated as it was quite sudden.

My mother-in-law, left alone, began to suggest to my husband that we move with her to her house to keep her company, but because she is from another state we couldn't due to our jobs and college.

Then she came to us, our apartment is 2 rooms, so my mother-in-law occupied one and my husband and I occupied another.

I mean my mother-in-law never liked me. She is one of the mothers who think "that no woman is good enough for her son."

As a couple who are still "in the honeymoon stage" we had sex very frequently. Every day, even up to twice a day. This changed when my mother-in-law arrived, since the apartment is small so I didn't feel comfortable doing it with her living there.

The thing is that when we did have sex with my husband, my mother-in-law magically "interrupted us." It didn't matter what time it was, even if it was 3 AM she casually got up and knocked on our door asking "What are we doing?" Or telling my husband that she feels bad because her head hurts or things like that.

This has been going on since my mother-in-law moved in with us, it's been a stressful 7 months. Besides, I have no privacy of any kind, she criticizes everything I do, especially my food.

My husband tries to give me my place, saying things like: "it's not true mom, the food tastes good."

What really annoyed me was the fact that she started saying that several things of value and money were lost in her room casually the day I stayed at home. (I had the day off from work and study in the afternoons)

I really got fed up, I told my husband that this really wasn't what I expected. I agreed to let her move in with us because my father-in-law passed away and I was really trying to be empathetic to her and her pain, but I'm not going to let her call me a thief.

Now I'm at my parents' house, my husband keeps calling me and sending me messages to come back, but I don't know what to do anymore. This is really stressful.

Driving south on the 405. Did I read this right? "Sexually abusing dolphins"???

I 26F gave birth to my baby boy last month. I wanted to wait a few weeks before inviting some family over to see him. I invited his sister, brother, and parents. My parents and sister came over. My SIL was fawning and doting on him.

When I wanted to feed him she almost didn’t want to give him to me and was trying to give me pointers and such. I thanked her but told her I had it. She got offended and said “oh someone who didn’t even wants kids has it under control” it’s true my husband and I talked about waiting on kids for about 2 years because neither of us was sure we were ready and wanted to wait. Well we got pregnant and decided to be parents. I say “excuse me?” And she says “well I was thinking since I’ve been trying a little longer than you and you weren’t even all that sure… maybe I can take him off your hands” I called her crazy and told her to get out.

I was shocked and disgusted that she said that and my husband talked to her and asked why would she think that and she said it’s not fair that she’s been trying for 3 years and we didn’t even want our son and we got pregnant. He told her to never say that again or around our son. His mom said she was Just kidding and I’m like… who jokes about something like that?

Edit: I talked to my husband about cameras and changing locks and he said if that’s what is going to make me comfortable then he’ll get on it tomorrow. She will not be around my son alone for a while… I’m taking this very seriously.

I have terminal brain cancer. I’m not even sure I want to say what kind. Doesn’t matter. It’s the kind that wins. Doctors are saying months, maybe less if things go south fast. I’ve tried to keep it together for my wife, my daughter (she’s not even 3 yet), my parents, friends… but I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared in my life.

People keep saying “stay strong” or “just take it one day at a time.” But how the fuck do you do that when every day is just one step closer to leaving the people you love behind?

I look at my daughter and wonder if she’ll remember me at all. That’s the part that’s breaking me the most. Will she remember how I made her pancakes? How I did that dumb little bunny voice that always made her giggle? Or is she just going to grow up with photos and a couple of videos and that’s it?

I watch my wife trying to be strong and holding it together for everyone, and I know she cries in the bathroom so I won’t hear. We haven’t really talked about the end. We sort of pretend it’s not real. Or we talk in practicalities; paperwork, insurance, what she’ll need to do when I’m gone, but not about it. The actual not being here anymore part.

I’m scared of the pain, yeah. But more than that I’m scared of missing everything. Her first day of school. Her reading her first book. Her falling in love. I want to be there so badly it physically hurts.

I don’t even know what I want from writing this. I guess I just needed to say it out loud. I’m not strong. I’m not brave. I’m just a dad who’s dying and doesn’t want to leave his little girl behind.

Thanks for reading.

My sister and I have always been close. Every year she spends Christmas Eve sleeping over with her fiance (M 31) and helps us get toys from Santa built and set up for Christmas Morning. We call ourselves Santa’s helpers, and have a lot of fun with it.

This year, she spent the night, and saw my husband and father disciplining our son. (M 13) Our son is now a teenager and likes to ignore us when we ask him to do something, pretend he doesn’t know how to do something incredibly simple, slam doors, general teenager sassy behavior. His teachers at school notice it as well, so it’s something we’re working on at home. Our discipline style is somewhere between tough love, and “talk it out”. Every-time a conflict at home arises my son does the argue/flip out then “run upstairs and slam the door” thing, my husband will wait 10 minutes and go upstairs and have a heartfelt meaningful dialogue with him. This happened on Christmas Eve, he told his 3 year old sister Santa wasn’t real, and we both immediately told him that wasn’t okay, and he started arguing with us. It lead to the same typical back and fourth, the difference was, my sister and her fiance were present. Neither of them said anything and went about our usual Christmas Eve routine. Everything seemed fine, our son apologized and went to bed…

Upon his return to school after break a CPS worker showed up and pulled him out of class to interview him, about how his parents treat him. He told them he loved his parents and that things at home were fine. He expressed that when we discipline him we sometimes ground him and we take away his electronics for a week, and sometimes he will argue with us, but he knows that when we discipline that we do it because we love him and want him to grow and learn.

Now, a little detail about the month of December and its difficulties…I have a seizure disorder, I have not had a seizure in 10 years, and in the month of December out of nowhere I had 3 back to back to back. I was sitting at my neurologists office, preparing for an EEG sleep study, when I get a call that goes to voicemail from that same CPS worker saying the next day she would be coming to our house to interview us and our 3 year old…I immediately shared the number and voicemail to my husband and told him to call her back immediately because I couldn’t. So the very next day after an exhausting round of seizure tests, she came over.

When she arrived the next day, we got a better picture of the accusations she made against us.

1.) she claimed my husband was an alcoholic with anger issues.

2.) she claimed we were starving our 3 children and had no food in the house.

To answer the first accusation, it was Christmas Eve…ALL of our family was there, drinking egg nog or wine. NO ONE in the house got sloshed EXCEPT my sister who drank an entire 18 pack of beer to herself that night. We do not have a drinking problem, it was a holiday with family and a delicious meal I spent all day preparing. My husband does not have anger problems whatsoever. We WERE upset at what our son said to his sister, but not in any way that would justify saying anyone in this house has anger issues. My dad and my husband pulled our son aside to talk to him about it. I really Don’t understand this one.

To answer accusation 2 as the CPS worker toured our house, we showed her our pantry, fridge and freezer. She literally laughed out loud and said “there’s enough food here to feed everyone in this house for 3 months.” We are absolutely NOT starving our kids AT ALL, and that was obvious right away.

When the CPS worker was packing up to leave, she stated “I’m grateful to be handling a case in a functional home with happy healthy kids, usually it’s quite the opposite”

Today, she called us back and is closing the case by the end of today. She does not believe any further action is needed and our risk score is low.

Upon talking to my parents and brother, all agree this was for sure my sister based on talking with her themselves though she has not outright admitted it. All agree this was the last thing my family needed while dealing with my health issues, and restructuring our lives and schedules around the reality that I can’t drive for 6 months, so I can’t work.

My husband and I see this as a MAJOR betrayal. I’m still reeling from the reality that a family member I’ve always been so close with and trusted would make such an impulsive, dishonest and quite frankly cruel decision like this. I have spent weeks trying to figure out how to confront her, as she has not fully admitted to doing this, but has heavily implied it to everyone who’s spoken to her…she went from being overly communicative the day of this interview, demanding I call her and tell her how it went, and in general blowing up my phone…to being silent, and not speaking to me for weeks after I told her it went fine. I believe she knows I assume she did this. I want to have a conversation with her, but I do not know how to do it. I feel betrayed by my sister, and incredibly hurt. I do not want to react emotionally, but I do want her to know this was WRONG.

Quick Small Update

My brother wants to coordinate lunch where we sit down with her to discuss this, he doesn’t think me texting her is a good idea, so that may happen but I Don’t even know if I can look her in the eye right now. I intend to bring up the drinking issues and concerns for her mental health during this conversation, but also try to get to the truth.

Will have one final Update after this with more answers. Thank you everyone. 🙏

FINAL UPDATE:

She ended up reaching out to me, and telling me how much she loved me…I responded saying that I had a question to ask, and I needed her to be honest with me. She called me immediately. She opened with saying “I think you already know the answer if you’re asking this question, so yes it was me”…I followed up with “do you realize what could have happened to my kids? To me and my husband? Do you realize how bad the outcome of this could have been?”

She began to rant and yell, she said me and my husband Don’t deserve to be parents, that I obviously Don’t care about my kids because I hadn’t even brought them up (which I literally opened with “do you realize what could have happened to my kids?” Literally my first question…I think she was drunk again during this call) she just kept yelling and ranting, and I couldn’t get a word in, I kept asking if I could speak and she wouldn’t stop going off, the only words out of my mouth she heard were “you realize we are going to be taking a very long break from you right” and her response was “I’m sure you will, and I Don’t care” then resumed her ranting, so I calmly told her if she was not going to let me speak I was going to hang up. At this point her ranting was incoherent, something about how she cares more about my kids than anyone (obviously not if you think what you did was okay, and think that showing my kids you care about them means putting them at risk and ensuring that the are also losing a family member as a result of her actions then sure I guess that’s caring?)

I once again calmly stated that I was going to hang up if she wouldn’t let me speak…unfortunately that’s where this phone call ended. I hung up and blocked her immediately and then called our father. I told him the way she was behaving on the phone sounded like she was incredibly unstable and either drunk, having a manic episode or both, and that he should call her just to try to calm her down and get through to her, it sounds like he was going to immediately though I Don’t know.

I am devastated and still reeling from this. I knew it was her but I really wanted the slim chance it wasn’t to be true, even if I knew it was impossible that it wasn’t. Hearing her say it, sent chills down my spine, she said it so indignantly and like she was proud of her actions, and then devolved into unhinged ranting. Last night i officially lost my sister, I will be going no contact from here on out, but my heart is broken. My dad clearly didn’t want to believe it was her either, because I heard his tone change instantly when I said she had admitted it. My dad sounded like he was on the verge of tears and quite frankly I Don’t blame him. She just caused a massive rift in our family.

I didn’t even get to bring up the accusations, I really would have loved to ask her where the hell she came up with the idea that we are starving our kids and have no food in the house, she has never left our house hungry, and our kids have never gone hungry, I would have loved an answer to that but never got a word in once she was going off.

I also would have loved to ask her about the drunken anger issues thing, because it was clear and on display on the phone last night, she is the one drunk and angry, not my husband. Of course, I would have loved to make that keen observation but again, I never got to speak once she was going.

This is my final update, I have no idea how I feel today besides heartbroken and numb. I want to thank everyone who commented with words of support, and advice, it meant a lot to me and really helped inform how I was going to handle this moving forward. I wish I had been wrong, but I wasn’t. I’m worried because of her reaction on the phone last night she might retaliate, I have no idea if she will, I hope speaking to my dad maybe helped. I’m a little on edge today and sad but just hoping to move forward from this in peace.

update here (for some reason it got auto deleted on this sub)

First and foremost, I will NOT be sharing BIL's username. I know this will cause most people to call this post fake but his account has a lot of private information about many members of my family, including what are essentially dox bins and other private info. He does not know I know about this account and I don't want anyone to go to his account to leave comments or message him.

I'm 21f. My sister (Jane-28f) has been with John (27m) for 2 years. I found his account totally randomly. I googled his name as he's a journalist and found a reddit account with the same name. Think John_Doe_is_Dead_1997. I clicked on it and found tons of reddit posts ranting about his girlfriend's family, mainly her little sister. At first, I thought I just came across a random, disturbed individual, but clicking on the posts revealed more.

Both my sister and I have unique names. Not super rare, but uncommon enough that they're noticeable in a list of names and neither of us have met anyone with the same names as us. Plus, our surnames aren't super basic either. Think 'Aurora Fernsby' (fake, but similar name to myself). He also mentions enough personal details for it to be undeniably him. I wouldn't be writing this unless I was 99% sure.

The posts are all either posted to vent/rant subs or straight to his reddit page. They all have 0-3 upvotes and a few comments spread across (from what I can tell to be) 100 posts. They're all mostly complaining about Jane, me, or our mother.

The most concerning post is about me, though. I have a varied past with men, mainly influenced by S-A. I'm in therapy, but it has made me more weary around men I do/don't know. This, apparently, enrages John. In this post, he details out how he plans to offer to drive me home next I visit them, but instead of taking me home, he'll detour and take the 'scenic route' through the country lanes in our town. He says he wants to 'make me afraid enough that I'll do something to her' but after 15 or so minutes, he'll turn around and drive me home. Therefore showing me that 'not all men are creeps and want to hurt her'. His logic seems to be that since he 'acted weird' but didn't hurt me, it should 'click in her brain' that not all men are bad.

The post is VERY long, like scrolling down for 15 seconds long, but he rants about how it's 'unfair' that I flinch around him when he makes big gestures or yells at the TV, because he'd 'never do anything'. He says he can 'fix me' more than my therapist. A lot of the post is weird incel-y talking points. I was bawling reading the whole thing. There is one comment telling him to get help but John just responds 'I don't need help. She does'.

His comment history is also concerning. A lot of weird incel talking points (which doesn't make sense as he has a girlfriend.. I'm not super versed in incel ideology). A lot of stuff about S-A, women's roles in relationships/society, other races/ethnicities/religions/etc.

I'm terrified of John. We weren't close before, but we didn't hate each other. To me, he was just a grown man with vastly different interests and we would never mesh cleanly. Now... I don't know what to think. My mind is frazzled. I'm going to tell my sister but I don't know how. I have screenshots of everything, links, etc. I just don't know how to lay it all out.

Also, I need coping mechanisms. I'm in a constant state of pre-panic attack. I can feel it in my chest, but it's not tipping over into a full panic attack which is making me genuinely crazy.

Sorry for the long post. Thanks in advance.

EDIT: as of 2 hours ago, I made my mum and uncle aware of what I've found. Every screenshot, screen recording and link. My sister is currently on a work trip so we're waiting for her to come back in 2 days. His account is still up as of 20 minutes ago. Thanks for all your advice. Mum, uncle and I are figuring out the best way to tell my sister.

Background info, I (23F) have been planning a trip to San Francisco for around a year at this point and had booked my tickets a year in advance. Around about a month or two before the trip, the airline called me saying they’d like to upgrade me to first class due to my points and being a member. I had never flown first class before so to say I was so excited was an understatement. I made sure to do everything possible in the lounge before my flight and I was welcomed with such a comfortable setting for the 13-hour flight. About an hour into the flight, a flight attendant comes up to me and asks me if I’d be willing to swap seats with a 10-year-old boy who was in economy so he could sit with his family in first class.

From what I was told the two parents were both members and had also received upgrades also not realising that their son wasn’t able to be upgraded with them. So they got their first-class tickets but he was stuck back at economy. The flight attendant began giving me some options as if I had no choice but to move and she was saying things like I’d get another free upgrade in another flight or I could get a full refund for the flight. I asked her if there was any chance I could stay in my seat because I genuinely thought I was being kicked out and she said that the two parents and I were the only upgraded passengers on the flight and there were no other first-class seats available so if there was to be any chance for the boy to sit with his family it would only make sense for him to sit in my seat.

If this was a different situation such as they'd overbooked the first class and the boy had purchased a ticket it would be a different story but I got this upgrade because of how much I fly on the airline. Also, I may have considered it if the parents had bought their tickets but they hadn't either. No hate for the flight attendant she was very polite and respectful during the entire ordeal. She accepted my decision and was very nice and said that everything was ok and they were going to figure it out. Never saw the parents they were sitting far away from me. I did get shamed by an old woman in the seat next to me who told me that I made a child sit on their own for 13 hours. I get a 13-hour flight alone for a child is the scary part but I saw him walk up and down the isles like every hour to meet his parents so it wasn’t like he was alone.

So AITA, because supposedly this is what an a-hole would do?

I need to vent for a second. Im getting married next April to the love of my life, and I couldn’t be more excited. I asked my three best friends to be my bridesmaids (longest friend, college roommate, post college roommate). My longest friend (since we were around 11 years old) lives in another state so I mailed hers to her as a surprise. She sent me this text last night letting me know that she doesn’t support the fact that I’m marrying a woman and will not be in attendance at my wedding. I’m incredibly hurt by this on multiple levels. This “love the sinner hate the sin” mindset is extremely hurtful and does not constitute unconditional love. These are the same beliefs my dad and stepmom have held since I came out, and it’s already been painful enough to deal with their judgement. I didn’t realize one of my closest most trusted people secretly felt the same way even after having met my partner and knowing I was gay for over three years, AND after I’ve confided in her about my parents reaction to me being gay. I feel lied to and honestly have felt sick to my stomach since reading this.

I’ve already responded to let her know how hurtful this is and that I appreciate her being honest and telling me now, but that our friendship will not be able to continue if this is what she believes, and wished her the best. I’m trying to focus on the fact that I’m glad she told me now so that I don’t have to keep people like this in my life. But I feel incredibly blind sighted and betrayed. There really is no hate like Christian love :/

Thanks all for letting me vent 🫶🏻

Essentially, my fiancé has a friend from college that I’ve only met once. I was never a huge fan of her as she’s been snarky with me in the past, but he wanted to invite her and her boyfriend because her boyfriend is a fun guy & his friends still like her and I was fine with it. My fiancé and her aren’t close anymore, so we were loosely considering inviting them and decided it couldn’t hurt. I really didn’t think much of it until yesterday, when she posted a clothing haul on Instagram and pulled out this very almost-white gown and claimed she would be wearing it to a wedding in June…. Our wedding is in June.

I replied to her post and said exactly the following:

“I loveee that white set you showed, I might have to snag it myself. For the dress though, is that what you planned to wear to our wedding?”

She replied “Yep.” Nothing else, just “yep”. I asked my bridal party what their thoughts were and every single person said this was outrageous. None of us are particularly conservative, but the cut feels a little bit much for a wedding, but I could easily overlook that in exchange for it not being so close to white. On camera especially it looked VERY white, so I am sure this will photograph white. I responded and asked if she would be able to find it in another color and she said “No, I will be wearing this or I just won’t come. It’s a yellow dress sweetie, calm down😘 “ I haven’t replied yet and my fiancé doesn’t know any of this is happening, but I am very strongly considering withdrawing their invite with my fiancés blessing, which I am sure I will have as we were on the fence about inviting them in the first place. It’s not even just the dress color, but the fact she is trying to call shots on our day and continues to be so snarky to me that rubs me the wrong way. WIBTA if we decide to cancel their invite? Photo of the dress attached, I can sort of see how it could be deemed yellow, but it still just seems way to close for my liking...

I went grocery shopping today and as I was about to put my stuff in my car a guy walked up and was “like let me help you, you are pretty” ect. Normal conversation then at the end he asks for my number. After I got home he tried to call but I was busy so he texted heyyy and this is where we are. he’s blocked now.

So for one of my prompts I added that my greatest achievement was losing 180lbs naturally. That was his first message to me. I don’t know why but I was kinda put off from the beginning when he didn’t include a simple congratulations or you look great. He went into asking me questions. I wasn’t bothered by that because I also love learning and hearing about people’s experiences. I could have been being sensitive but I felt like by his tone he would have argued anything I said about how it wasn’t natural or actual clean eating and that he would have used that fact that nutrition is what hes currently studying to patronize me. The last part is only how I feel and I could easily be wrong about his intentions

I want to add this up here because it was lost in the comments I’m 21 and I lost the 180lbs in 2 years. I added that because some said maybe he just didn’t believe I was telling the truth about it being natural

Update:
I truly appreciate all the kind words and helpful feedback 💕

His response was simply
“You really missed out this weekend. We went and looked at some big rocks”

I came to the conclusion he was disrespectful regardless of his intentions and didn’t deserve my time

I was done with him before making this post. I only wanted to see if I was also being disrespectful. I have since deleted my account. I have nothing against dating sites. I just need to focus on my next steps for my future with it being the end of the semester

I (26)m went through my boyfriend’s (36)m phone after he got mugged. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years. He works for an airline and frequently has trips that take him out of the country. I don’t mind this because it was understood when we started dating that he would have to travel internationally, which usually meant he was gone for 3/4 days.

Well one of his trips too him to Belgium, not somewhere I would automatically think of as dangerous, but one night during his trip he went out with his fellow flight attendants and got drunk. At some point during the night he got separated from his friends and had his wallet and phone stolen.

When he got back to the hotel, he called me from his Apple Watch crying, telling me what just happened. I went into defense mode, asked if he was okay and offered to go into his iPad, which was at home to mark the phone as lost/stolen so no one else could use it. He gave me the password and I disabled the phone from the iPad.

Afterwards, we hung up (it was late and he had a flight the next day) and my curiously got the best of me. I went the messages app to see if he had been talking to anyone else, which I had expected. I found out (from messages), he has been cheating on me for over 2 years, having even brought people into our apartment while I was at work. I don’t know how to feel, part of me knew inside something was up, another part of me feels angry for having ignored my feelings all this time.

This is the first long term relationship I’d ever had, the first time I’ve ever lived with someone. I feel betrayed. He has been with SEVERAL people over the last couple of years, meanwhile we have not been intimate with each other in almost the same amount of time.

He told me “I’m dealing with health problems” or “I just feel self conscious about myself.” Meanwhile he has been hooking up with other people the ENTIRE time! AITA for going through his messages? It’s not something I’d normally do, but I did and my hunches were correct.

Update to post here

Hi all sorry for the delay, a lot has gone on. So I talked to Kay this morning. I started off the conversation normal, when Kay says “ hey why were you concerned about Andrew bringing me tea?” I just say “I had noticed he’d been more clumsy lately and I wanted to avoid either of you of getting hurt.” Shes was quiet for a bit then asks me “do you think it’s odd how he’s been acting?” considering all your advice I respond with “ I care about you and want you to be safe, I don’t want to hurt you or Andrew but I feel like most of the accidents have come at your expense. I don’t want it to get to a point where you have a worse injury.”

This is when Kay burst out crying like I have never seen. After composing herself enough to talk she says shes been so suspicious of how these accidents have been centered around her and how validating it was to have someone feel the same way. It’s been causing her a lot of anxiety and she felt so relieved when I took the tea cup away from him. She has tried to suggest to Andrew that he should go to a doctor, but he just says he’s perfectly fine. Kay is not confrontational so she just drops it.

She said how recently Sarah, Andrew and her were all hanging out together. Sarah told Andrew I was so upset about how he was hesitant to hand me the tea cup, a completely different story from what Sarah told me. I have been more open with my emotions in my post due to my anonymity, but in person I was very casual about the situation. I said something along the lines of “ hey did you think I upset Andrew by taking the tea when I asked him to get me popcorn, I hope I didn’t come off rude.”

Then Kay told me something really disturbing, how during this conversation Andrew and Sarah started joking about Kay being a “battered wife.” How ridiculous the idea would be if Andrew was really abusing her and some really dark jokes. This had Kay feeling like she was crazy to think that these accidents might be on purpose. Also they had said some things about me that made her so upset she couldn’t even tell me.

Kay said she’s felt trapped, living with him and how he’s intertwined in our group. She felt like she needed to wait to have proof he was faking it to make it worth “ a bunch of drama.” I feel horrible that she’s felt so alone in this. I was pretty blunt and just asked “ do you still love him?” she responded “ I don’t, I think I don’t even like him anymore.”

So we talked about the best way for Kay to leave Andrew, being as safe as possible. Kay called in sick to work and we went over to her house and talked with our friend Leah, her roommate. Andrew was out at work, so we quickly moved all their things into Leah’s room, she has a key to her door. Anything that was super sentimental to either of them we packed in my car. Kay is going to stay at my house and Leah wanted to stay with a family member who lives not too far away.

Kay has written a letter to Andrew ending things, she is going full no contact. She set a date that she expects him to leave, he moved in with them so he doesn’t have his name on the lease. Our friends Mike and Corey will be staying at the house. This is to insure nothing will be damaged due to an “accident” also to let Kay and Leah know when it’s safe to come back.

Thank you all so much for your advice, tomorrow I plan to go on a little shopping spree with Kay. Doing everything I can to alleviate her anxiety. So far we know Andrew has seen the note and is packing to leave. So far so good, If anything happens I’ll be sure to update you all.

Final update here we are all safe! Thank you all for your help

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/8Uhrit8cYG

Hi yall!

I want to thank everyone who gave great advice in my original post. You've helped me see how fucked up the situation was and how much of a jerk my ex-friend was. Yep, that's right, EX.

I think I always knew that I was going to drop him from my life, but as a comment pointed out, I was feeling sad about something I used to want so bad. And it's normal to feel that and still know how much I love my fiancé. I just needed the time to process what happened and face the fact that I lost my "best friend", someone who constantly used my love for them as their fallback plan.

My fiancé, best girl friend, and I spent a good chunk of time discussing where I am mentally and what I should say to my ex-friend. We ultimately came up with the text I attached, along with his responses. More trickled in throughout the day that were getting pretty aggressive and it took a lot of restraint not to tell him to actually fuck off, so I blocked him.

I definitely cried many tears before blocking him. But at least now I can move on and start planning my wedding.

Thanks again to everyone who provided amazing insight!