EDIT: I ALREADY SAID THIS POST IS NOT AN INVITATION FOR MEN TO MESSAGE ME PRIVATELY. I’m sharing a special occasion, that’s all. Some people here need to learn how to read and respect people’s boundaries.

I had my 30th birthday last month and decided to celebrate on my own. I was honestly worried I’d eventually regret not being with family or friends.

The forecast said heavy rains, but I was met with a warm, sunny day. I went to the salon and a fine dining restaurant in the evening. The staff even took a photo of me and gave me the photo with a greeting!

In all this, not once did I ever thought of wanting anyone there. It made me realize how consuming and expensive it was checking everyone’s schedule and finding things everyone wanted to do on MY special day. While I appreciate people making time for me in the past, it was still exhausting having to host and keeping everyone entertained.

I think this is how I’ll be celebrating my birthday moving forward.

PS: A happy birthday to other celebrants too, especially the ladies in their 30s! I’m finally part of the club ❤️

PPS: This is not an invitation for men to message me.

Every day I get off work and when I get home it's the same: absolute euphoria at the comfort, the silence, my stuff, the freedom. I get so giddy knowing that I can do whatever I want, for as long as I want. I tend to do the same things, since it's what I enjoy, but I was just pouring myself some coffee and caught a glimpse of my computer setup in my living room, realizing that my entire apartment is my place of peace, not just my bedroom or "man cave" or wherever people in relationships find solace.

No pets, no kids, no significant other--just responsible for my own happiness and boy golly, after this much time I have it down to an art. Coffee and hobbies mixed in with some work and a bit of doing nothing. Sprinkle some exploration here and there and I just couldn't imagine trying to get someone to appreciate life as much as I do, with me.

Anyhow, I don't post here often but I had to share. Take care you all and keep smiling.

Reaching almost 40 unmarried, childfree, and living independently on my own is one of my greatest achievements in life, after my career.

I don’t have to carry anyone else’s drama, trauma, or deal with their bad manners and behaviors. Honestly, I never imagined my life would turn out this way.

I’m an introverted girl who doesn’t really enjoy socializing. I’d rather stay home, watch TV, and relax. I have a few single friends, and we hang out occasionally, but I’m also perfectly fine spending time alone.

Looking back, I’m proud of the life I’ve built for myself. I have my own place, my own income, my own peace, and the freedom to live life on my own terms.

And honestly, I wouldn’t trade that peace just to meet society’s expectations.

Loud & clear so the people at the back can hear! 👏👏👏

After a 15 year relationship ended last year, I'd been struggling a bit due to the nature of how it ended (she cheated on me with a mutual friend and left me for him, fun times!)

But aside from processing the betrayal, it's actually been the happiest year of my life. I've reconnected with friends and family, gone to lots of gigs solo, bought my dream car, got new hobbies, etc. I really am much better off being single and love that for the first time in my life I'm able to focus on my own happiness.

The latest example of this was last week I went to Italy (Bari) for 4 nights. When we were together I wasn't "allowed" to choose where we went. By which I mean, I'd suggest places but none of them were "good enough". It was so freeing being able to just hop on the internet, find some cheap flights and a nice hotel and just go.

This extended to when I was there too. I would just do whatever I wanted, all the time. We went on over 20 holidays together during the relationship and I think we argued every time.

Guess how many arguments I had on this holiday? None. I just walked around with a big smile on my face for 4 days straight.

I'm so happy to be single and free.

CTTO

Everyday, I go swimming at my local pool and workout at the gym late at night on week nights. Something I've noticed is that I'm usually the only woman there late at night.

If I had kids, I wouldn't be able to do that because I would be busy tending to them on a school night.

Heck, even if I was married to a well-paid doctor and I was in a fortunate position to be a housewife, I still wouldn't be able to go out late at night everyday to do things that I enjoy because I still have to be home to cater to his needs.

I’m in my late 50s and been single for about 6 or 7 years now with no plans of dating. I sometimes read the r/askwomenover60 sub to get a sense of how older women are doing, especially in retirement.

One of the things I noticed a lot over there is how many women in their 60s and 70s+ are choosing to be single and are living their best life. There is a lot of advice in that sub telling women who are in awful marriages to get out. A lot of women there talk about not dating because older men just wanting a “nurse and a purse” and how they won’t do any therapy or take care of their bodies.

I just think that it’s interesting that women of all ages are choosing to opt out the fuck out and we are happier for it.

Curious what you’ve noticed in your generation (or others)

I must be absolutely brilliant LOL

I have been planning to go on a solo date for a while and day before yesterday I finally implemented it, I really wanted to go to my favorite place and have my favorite drink and flowers with this book, the experience was good, I was a bit hesitant and conscious at first but as soon as I was reading the book and the facts stated in it made me think nothing matters but you! The book did say about how people will judge you and make you feel inferior about your beliefs but you should stand still, and that's what I did and ended up spending 2 hours there, didn't touch my phone at all. I liked seeing my self like that, confident and out going.

The expectations around sex within relationships and marriage make me feel so uncomfortable and outraged, it puts a smile on my face knowing I don't have to participate. There is no one to gaslight, sulk, emotionally blackmail or coerce me into sex. There is no one to 'wait' for me to come home from work so they can use me. There is no one to request 'at least a blowjob :(' while I am on my period. There is no one to 'catch' me fresh out of the shower so they can pounce on me. There is no one to push their morning wood into me before I've even realised what planet I am on.

A lot of what goes on in relationships is, let's call a spade a spade, marital rape and sexual assault. It is simply not talked about enough. I want to be single because I have no interest in being sexually assaulted regularly under the guise of 'relationship maintenance'. Duty sex, pity sex, whatever you want to call it. It is coercion, it is assault, it is rape. The amount of men who think once they are in a relationship with you they are entitled to sex whenever they want, groping you, touching your thighs, joining you in the shower is diabolical. I love how they will be single for 4 years but suddenly once they are in a relationship they 'need' to have sex twice a day. Interesting! It is simply taking advantage of having access to a warm body.

It fills me with so much joy that I don't need to shave, wax, perform sexiness or femininity in my own home, wear uncomfortable pj's, service a penis, have sex when I am tired, sick or simply do not feel like it. I do not feel preyed upon in my own home. I do not need to deal with any sulking, whining, pouting or silent treatment for denying someone access to MY body. I feel for all the women currently being assaulted who believe it's their 'duty' as a wife or girlfriend. The sacrifices made to simply be in a relationship and for social points will never be worth it for me. Life is incredibly rich and beautiful when you are able to respond to your bodies needs, emotions and wants without external negotiation. That is true freedom.

In all honesty though, I worked on my trauma for years in therapy so I would be more “available” to partners but the truth is, I just don’t want to be with someone that makes me sacrifice the freedom and autonomy I crave. If that makes me avoidant, so be it!

And tbf, it’s not recognized by therapists anyway!