Personality is all that matters.

Start by making yourself more sensitive and vulnerable than you ever thought possible.

Enhance the perceived size of your bust using an app that plays "boing, boing" sound effects when it detects movement. No uncomfortable formwear required. Suitable for confidence building for all shapes and genders.

We’ve all been there. Dying for some crunchy or extra crunchy peanut butter, but your bitch of a stepmom had a coupon for smooth peanut butter, so that’s all you’ve got.

Have no fear.

Just get in your pantry and grab some honey roasted peanuts and smash them with your fists, or a hammer, or for maximum crunch, a delicate goblet or crystal plate. Whatever shards make their way into the elevated peanut butter will only add to the culinary adventure you’ve set yourself on.

Really make them work for external affirmation and affection.

This requires a large bowl that is not see thru. You line the bottom of the bowl with dog shit. Layer plastic/cardboard/etc on top to prevent it from touching any of the candy. Kids who grab a couple of pieces, as intended, will stay free of the shit. But the kid who dumps the whole bowl in their bag gets a bag full of dog shit as well.

To do this, filter LinkedIn by "Entry Level" and "Chief Executive Officer".

These jobs don't have burdensome requirements like "5 years experience in MS Office 2024" and a bachelors degree. Vibes, outgoing people skills, and a good firm handshake are plenty. You don't even need any experience at the company.

If you make it to interview rounds and they ask "do you have any questions for me", always ask "Where do you see the company in five years?" Follow up with a pep talk about wanting to see HR hit their KPIs for this quarter.

Just a tiny little update to your origin story can totally change how colleagues perceive your awkward a$$.

Even Gretchen from Data doesn't report me to HR for flirting any more, now that she thinks I'm a big shot.

For added believability, do something like what I did where I went and shook Elon's hand when he visited my workplace. (I'm a janitor at the Giga factory)

Come up with newer details every day. The creative possiblities are endless!

Performance may be temporary. Nepotism is forever.

Halloween is fast approaching! Are you ready to supply the greedy ghosts and goblins? No? Well, just put an empty box on your porch with a sign that says “Take One”. Trick or treaters will be like “Dang, someone done took up all the candy” and move along in disappointment. But that candy money stays in your pocket.

If you’re remodeling, consider selling your old fixtures instead of paying to demo and haul them away.

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSgE5FKYT/

Nut now on November first so you don't have to worry about breaking your record over the next 29 days

If you struggle with low self-esteem, take an English as Second Language class at your local community college and do a little better than most of the non-English speakers

Put nail glue in your eye

I recently heard that you are able to purchase completed continuing ed/licensing credits for some professions. I am short just a couple as an educator. Anyone know where a person could buy a transcript or find free self paced continuing ed that can be completed quickly? Certificates don't work.