Saw this on FB and thought it was so sad how many of us can relate.

EDIT: Okay, we can agree that the 80’s may not have been the right year to make this comparison but there is no denying that having a “village” in 2026 is objectively harder to achieve.

Also, when did this become an argument about women giving free labor? To call a family member helping out with their RELATIVES every now and again out of their own free will, “free labor” is wild.

My heart sank and I almost threw up.

Then I realized he works from home.

It’s me.

I’m the office romance.

Well played sir.

My husband and I have 1 daughter with another on the way.

I am (or used to be) a registered nurse at a busy hospital unit. Everyday was a stress-laden nightmare. I spent my days off recovering from work and dreading work. I would not be able to sleep, wondering whether we would be shortstaffed tomorrow (hint: we usually were).

I talked it over with my husband and family, and ultimately decided to switch from my full-time position to a casual per-diem position. Meaning I can still pick up shifts if I wanted to, but I am only required to work one shift every few months.

I am thankful because my husband’s job is steady and pays well, and he recently received a sizeable inheritance. I am grateful that we do not need my paycheque to get by.

My husband said he could not stand to see me so tired and stressed everyday. Now I stay home and all our lives are better because of it. I am able to wake up actually looking forward to the day ahead. I eat better, sleep better, and I’m just happier. I exercise, I cook and bake, I decorate our house, and I’m catching up on my reading. And my daughter loves having her mom around everyday. My husband has noticed a change in me and says I’m more energetic than before.

I haven’t felt this at peace in a long, long time. I feel valuable in a different way. And if I ever got bored or needed some mental stimulation, I could always pick up a shift at the hospital just to get my heart pumping and make some extra pocket money.

I never knew I could be this happy.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It seems like being a SAHM is sometimes equated to being a trad wife by many and I do not vibe with that at all. As a Mom I am so concerned about what is going on and it sounds like other moms are too. I made a more specialized subreddit if anyone is interested. https://www.reddit.com/r/progressivemoms/s/QuO5gWkC3G

Edit: after some comments here I changed the rules and Dads are welcome to join! Non binary as well! The conversation is more about mom focused issues but we are welcoming to all likeminded people. Thank you SAHDs for sharing your perspective with me.

Who isn’t religious. I’m a leftist atheist and even though I’m in a liberal area, being a SAHM is not a common liberal woman choice. All the moms who seem to be more into the same things I am work.

And I just want another friend who enjoys being at home with their kid, and maybe won’t tell me about God’s plan for them, or how everything is meant to be. I already have enough family that does it, and I’d so appreciate quality time with someone else who likes children and is maybe like a light socialist? A communist? Just anything besides, “my value is based on capitalism.”

Because I love being a stay at home mom. I love playing with my kid and exploring the world with her. It’s awesome and I want a mom friend on that level, because adventures with friends can be even better!

I just wonder how many years it’ll take to find this person…off to update Peanut and hope for the best this time.

Edit: ok! Wow did not expect that so many others would feel the same! I’m north of Seattle, and I’m struggling! Gonna try some of your guys ideas out though, and if anyone is in my area, I will drive 😅

I’m a SAHM with a 6 month old during a pandemic. I. Have. No. Plans. Please stop asking.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

God, this phrase makes me want to slam my head in the car door. Whoever tells me my house doesn’t have to be perfect has clearly never met me, because my house has never been perfect a day in my life (including pre-parenthood).

I’m not aiming for “perfect.” I’m aiming for “livable” and “not disgusting,” which I am also not accomplishing.

Everybody comes to parenting at different socio-economic levels, so I'm not on here trying to tell other people they do or don't have money/privilege. I know for many, it IS a privilege. But for me and my husband, we HAVE to live on one income. Any job I could get with my experience/education would not be able to pay for childcare and we have no family around to provide free childcare for a minimum wage job, so I have to stay home and watch our baby and we have to live really frugally. We live in a tiny space. I scrimp and scrape on groceries and necessities. And ever since the baby came and I stopped working, we haven't been able to save. I am so sick and tired of people telling me how privileged I am to be a stay at home mom. This is not a privilege. It's a necessity for us.

Don't get me wrong, I like being at home. I am everything to my baby and she's everything to me. We have really sweet times together and there's a peace in the quiet. Sometimes. But other times it's really effing hard. It's a different kind of hard than working moms. But that doesn't mean it isn't hard just because I'm not juggling a thousand things. I have to sit around and do the same boring crap everyday with this kid who gives me nothing in return. It's mind-numbing. Sometimes downright soul sucking. Sweet and wonderful and soul-sucking. #ifyouknowyouknow

Posted the first pic on Facebook and got tons of hate for it… I don’t mind being the odd one out. I won’t raise my hand at my kids to instill respect and/or correct bad behavior.

This is not my story but I thought you might like it:

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?’ She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?” “Yes,” was his incredulous reply. She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it."

I recently went back to work part time after staying home for 7 years. Have a 7yo and 3yo. My husband stays with 3yo while I work weekdays and both kids while I work an occasional weekend. All short shifts, 5 hours being the longest.

The entire time I was at home, I felt like I could never keep up. Constantly over stimulated from all the touching and constant talking/questions. Killing myself to stay caught up on the house. Always falling short of my own desires to take them out or plan fun things at home. There never seemed to be any peace. I always felt so inadequate. Husband would tell me I'm doing great, but then comments about the lack of clean laundry would silently punch me.

It only made it worse that in the RARE instances I got away, they seemed to be different children for him. My first day at the new job, I came home to "I don't know what you did all day". He still says he shouldn't have said that, but it has been months and I still cry about it.

The past two weeks or so, the 3yo has gotten - what I refer to as - more comfortable. Husband has a harder time. He's exhausted by her/them. Over stimulated. Snappy from the constant questions. Frustrated they wouldn't let him eat or exist. Doesn't get as much finished around the house.

I expressed it is very validating. What I tried to say to him was that for years I felt so inadequate because it always seemed so hard. They always seemed to treat me like a punching bag (while LITERALLY giving him "spa treatments" when he got home because "daddy is tired from working") It is validating to know that he is feeling the same way, because it means that is just raising our kids. It isn't me that fell short or him, that is just being alone with them for extended periods. That it is just parenthood.

Starting with "it's so validating..." wasn't my best idea. I can understand why he got irritated.

But, what I wanted to say was -

WELCOME TO THE THUNDER DOME, BITCH. EVERYONE HERE IS EXHAUSTED, HUNGRY AND READY TO SCREAM. THE FERAL CREATURES IN THE CORNER DO NOT GIVE A **** ABOUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH, PHYSICAL NEEDS OR HYGIENE. I HAVE BEENS HERE FOR YEARS AND IT DOESN'T GET ANY EASIER. THEY DON'T LET YOU EAT. SHOWERING IS A PRIVILEGE. AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU ANYTHING BUT HAPPY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, BUT WELCOME TO MY FUCKING WORLD. SUCKS, DOESN'T IT????? BET YOU UNDERSTAND NOW WHY I KEPT HAVING MENTAL BREAKDOWNS AND PANIC ATTACKS AND BEGGING FOR FREE TIME.

But saying that wouldn't go well either.

EDIT: I woke up today before the sun with youngest. Then worked a 3 hour shift (delivery) before he went to work. After he left I literally laid on the bed and told oldest that I just needed to do nothing for a minute. They were quiet so I went to check on them. They're cleaning the living room for me 🥲 I fucking love my kids.

...is the longest hour EVER

It seems every day there is a new post that says something along the lines of:

1. How do you make money on the side?

2. I work from home, when do you get work done with baby?

3. I have a small business and stay home with the baby. I am feeling burnt out.

4. What is your favorite side hustle besides DoorDash (or other delivery methods)?

I hate to break it to you, but you are a working parent then. There is nothing wrong with that! But that kind of defeats the point of being in this group, right? This subreddit is for SAHPs. I purposefully don’t work so I don’t have any tips on how to achieve that. I am the primary source of childcare. So the answer to your problem is get childcare because you cannot possibly excel at both?

I really do feel for the people that aren’t able to fully stay at home and have to work to make it work. But it just seems like this is the wrong place to ask for advice on that.

I don’t know..anyone else feel the same way? Or am I way off base here?

I hear lots of people (irl and here) say “I feel bad not contributing financially”. There are many types of work, and not all of them are paid. Why do we think RAISING ACTUAL HUMANS is less important or valuable than being a dental assistant just because one comes with a pay cheque?!

You are valuable. You teach your children. You care for their physical and emotional needs. You help keep the house in order. You help make sure everyone is fed. You help manage the bills. You... (insert specific example here).

Children thrive with a main caregiver to attach too. They thrive with consistency. They thrive with routine. They thrive being at home and not always so busy. They thrive with home cooked meals and play dates and trips to the shops etc etc. When they are grown you’ll have added a functional member of society into the world. Your partner has less burden on their shoulders because you take some of the load. IS THAT NOT ENOUGH?!

You are enough. The work you do is enough. It is valuable. (More valuable than the outdoor setting you might be able to buy with some more cash). There is no room for guilt. Feel proud of the work you’re doing, it’s not an easy task!

(Before comments come in, I want to preface this by saying obviously some people DO need to contribute financially. That’s not the circumstance I’m speaking to. And I know some people will not do ALL those tasks I mentioned, I just listed some off, take it with a grain of salt)

I’m a lawyer turned SAHM. I had a very hard time making the change. Like many parents, I struggled to find affordable childcare, just to deal with sick days and all the mental load on top of my job. When my second was born, I took the plunge into being a SAHM and it hasn’t at all been what I expected. There were my false expectations:

1. I wouldn’t have an identity outside my kids. —I kinda suspect some friends or teacher think this is actually true of me, but I am now way more into hobbies I used to love as a kid, like crafts and creative writing. I don’t always have time for it, but I have like 50 projects I want to do. Also, now that I dress how I want, I genuinely feel more authentically myself than I did working.

2. I would be lonely. —this was a bit true at first, but I finally found a mom group through my toddler’s preschool and have more friends than I have had in a while

3. I wouldn’t use my brain —parenting is all about multitasking. I’m juggling a ton of mental load all the time. In addition, you can really make it as intellectual as you wish by diving into ECE or child psychology as issues develop. There is also the mental aspect of self-regulation and acting calm in the face of chaos. Parenting has been a wild mental journey.

4. I would miss working. —I haven’t really even noticed the absence of work in my life…

5. I just wouldn’t be able to do it all day —when I was a working parent this ran through my mind a lot, but as with anything, it gets normalized the more you do it.

6. We couldn’t afford it. —The sad truth is that things have been better with one parent always available. It frees up the other to take business trips and late calls. Ngl, I hate this aspect… having to play wife to a man and ensure he can be successful is a bit of a hard pill to swallow, but it is admittedly working out

What are yours?

I have been a sahm for 10 months. Prior to having my daughter I was a stickler for having a clean house. But now... not so much. I am so over seeing people post on the internet about how stay at home parents with dirty houses are just lazy.

I should say that I don’t think my house is dirty. Messy, sure. Cluttered, absolutely. But dirty... not so much. We had a friend over the other day that made a comment along the lines of “I’m sure your husband would like to have a clean house” to which I respond, “yeah? Well he is welcome to do it!”

It is not so cut and dry. I could have a spotless home, or I could have a daughter that is played with all day. I could clean during her naps, or I could exercise and take a warm shower. The guilt around staying home is already so real why do people think they need to comment on it?

I am fortunate that my hubs works from home most of the time and sees that I am very involved with our daughter. And sees that sometimes she would probably like to climb back up inside me to be as close to me as physically possible. He has never made an expectations in me to have a spotless home. Our agreement is for me to keep things as functional as I need them to be and to take care of our baby.

I know this is a jumbled rant but I just had to get it out somewhere!