This is my first post on Reddit, not even sure how it works but I need to vent and would love advice. Before I jump in I’m aware that I am flawed and have been told I have a problem with respecting my loved ones boundaries and setting my own so this is also an attempt to educate myself and learn how to support my sister in a healthy way for both of us. Please be kind, I am fighting my own depression and I am emotionally fragile at the moment .
My sister and I used together socially for years. I noticed her addiction became worse than mine when her income increased significantly. She was a functioning addict until the last few months I noticed she started spiraling. She has always suffered from anxiety and depression. I ignored the issue because she would always hook me up so I would pick up for her daily. We enabled each other for sure.
Things changed when she was accused of misuse of funds and asked to resign. I can’t speak on the details because there is an open investigation but she clearly lost her mind. I had to snap out of it and I had to get her to snap out of it. She was so detached from reality that anytime I tried to get a plan together she would just slip further into lala land. Her husband was in the same state of mind and refused to admit that this was even happening. The word hit the local news and Facebook, my mom was devastated. She was blindsided and humiliated. But she is very close with the chief of police so she tried to talk to them in attempt to help, it didn’t. Things started happening faster. So I I came clean to my mom about the reality of the situation but she looked to me to figure out the next step. I said she needs rehab and an attorney. My sister agreed so after researching and calling numerous places I driver 3hrs away. Made it happen within 24 hrs. Her husband chased me from their house and said everything he could to stop me but she was suicidal so he can go fuck himself. I read her texts, the emotional abuse was beyond fucked up.
The next day I was questioned by the police and realized yes she might have some things to own up to yes but they are wrong on a lot of it. She is being used as a distraction to hide a huge corrupt financial investigation that has been going on since before she was hired. It is being brushed under the rug. 500,000 dollars is missing and so many city staff and city council were involved. I think She has info that could take down alot of them. Next step was the attorney. She asked me to handle it so I did. But lawyers had questions when we spoke for a few minutes a day it would cause her to much anxiety. She was out of it from the meds but so adamant about building her case. Desperate for my help. Her husband reached out and asked me to stop communication with her about these things because he felt her treatment came first. So I layed off, but shit is getting real out here. The Facebook drama talking about here is hard to hide from. I get screenshots all day from friends and family. She finally finished detox and was clear minded so she got her cell back and we got to talk for an hour!!! It was awesome. We discussed our game plan , started making a timeline and she cried thanking me because if I hadn’t of sent her away she would be dead. She was planning on killing herself. It was emotional and overwhelming. A counselor overheard the conversation and mentioned her phone could be taken away if it was causing her to become upset, we said I love you and made plans to email and talk the next day. It was like a weight was lifted off me, I needed that conversation. It meant so much to me. Within and hour her daughter sent me a message that broke me. She told me her dad had just called her and then She layed down the law and told me I was not allowed to tell her about anything going on in the real world. She told me I upset her to the point where she had a breakdown and made me to be the enemy. We were only allowed to talk about her treatment and pretend that nothing I happening. If I can’t respect their wishes then they would have the facility remove our communication. I was devastated and responded by scolding her for talking to me like I was nobody. I told her she was hurting her mom and setting her up to have a mental break when the police show up to arrest her before her treatment is over and everything will overwhelm her at once.
The next morning I contacted her counselor, I busted wanted to know if I was wrong, if I should lie to her. She said everything I was doing was good. To be honest so she can cope and learn to process the hard topics and triggers while she is there. I felt so relieved and happy I understood the process better. I sent a group text with what I learned and was immediately cut off from all access to my sister. I haven’t spoken to her since and today was her birthday. They didn’t even include us in her birthday zoom call, she had asked me to download zoom right before all of this. My kids waited all day for a call and nothing. I’ve never been so hurt. I give up. What about my own mental health?? I’m spiraling. I’m depressed and it’s getting dark. I’ve been in this state for months but it doesn’t matter. I’ve been shit out from the only person that would even care. I want to use, I want to drink. I want to go to sleep. I want to hear her voice!!! Im a mess and im scared, the police think im involved and are announcing the charges on tuesday. I dont know what to do. Should I write her a letter? Is it ok to let her know how hurt I am? Can I tell her what her niece and husband told me? Is that fucked up? Should I apologize for telling my niece to respect me?
