Hey folks! It’s your friendly neighborhood RAOBJ detective checking in again. It’s been a few months since I posted my guide on how to spot men catfishing as women on this sub (and other subs like r/dirtykikpals and r/dirtyr4r). Despite all the positive feedback, gay catfishers still represent an overwhelming number of the posts on RAOBJ. Thanks to your suggestions, I’ve updated this guide with a few more signs to watch out for when you’re achin’ to get your schlong slobbered on without having to dodge any beard stubble.
To recap: I’m NOT some bitter, self-loathing gay man or anything like that. The content of this post is in no way a representation of the gay community or gay culture. Instead, it’s a response to a very small but especially burdensome minority that ruins it for the rest of us by tricking straight guys on the internet. YOU SUCK. STOP DOING THIS SHIT.
Do a search for Reddit-wide search for “f4m” and then sort it by “new”. At least 90% of the results you’ll see are gay men posing as women. Not just on RAOBJ, not just on r/dirtyr4r, not just all over Reddit, but on every forum for dating/personals ads since the beginning of the internet. It’s an epidemic, and it needs to be addressed.
So, as a gay dude who’s been around the block with Internet personals for as long as they’ve existed—and as someone who engaged in this kind of thing back in the day when I was horny, stupid, and unethical—I thought I’d give you guys some tips on how to avoid being duped by these sociopathic losers. Not only by the types of ads they post, but by the DMs they send as well.
For many gay guys (myself included!), getting freaky with a man who identifies as straight is THE holy grail. Why? It’s “taboo” for the straight guy, and it’s also a “challenge” for us. We have to work for it. That’s what makes it so hot. But doing it in a dishonest way is supremely shitty. Not only does it invade the privacy of the victim (and possibly open them up to blackmail), it puts an undue burden of proof on real women and makes it way harder for them to get laid.
So, without further ado, here are some tips on how to spot a catfish:
-Let’s start with the most obvious one. Look for the age and body descriptions that scream “too good to be true”. Yeah, yeah, I know: it’s the Internet, where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents. But there are way more red flags than you think. Biggest way a catfisher gives himself away is by describing “herself” as someone who just so happens to be the all-American ideal. 18, blonde, blue eyes, 34DD’s, and no gag reflex? It’s bullshit. “Petite and Asian” is the second most popular one. Pay extra attention to not only how they describe their bodies, but how they got those bodies. “I’m in great shape from working out four times a week”. “I’ve got a great ass because I used to run track in high school”. Why these catfishers think guys will actually care about this shit is beyond me (and beyond hilarious). If you’re getting a pizza, you’re gonna focus on how delicious it is, not where the ingredients came from.
-And now, let’s get to the fun part. Asking for only a dick pic? RUN. Women like dicks. But if they want to actually meet in person, they’ll also need to see the dudes attached to those dicks. Face, body, and personality are, according to much of written history, pretty fucking important in determining whether or not there’s attraction. Particularly when you’re a woman on the internet who’s already drowning in a sea of dick pictures she didn’t ask for. NO WOMAN WILL ASK FOR ONLY A DICK PIC. PERIOD.
-A dick pic, PLUS a picture of your face and body as a requirement for getting a response? Careful. They could be building a “profile” on you. The point of this guide isn’t to paint all women with a broad brush. But when it comes to meeting internet strangers, let’s face it: most women will want to have a conversation first to see if there’s any chemistry, and they’ll most likely be requesting a G-rated photo from you first. As for catfishers, guess what: sometimes men need more than dick pics too! After all, having explicitly requested them while impersonating a woman, they’re likely getting hit with so many, additional info is needed to differentiate. In the end, it usually serves as another “trophy” for a catfisher’s collection. “Ah, I remember John from North Carolina with the 9-incher and the bird tattoo on his shoulder. Jamie, pull that up!”
-Are they willing to “verify” their identity only through image-hosting sites like Imgur? Do they not have a messaging service like Snapchat, Kik, Telegram, etc—ESPECIALLY if they’re in their late teens to mid-20’s? And, most famously of all: is the camera on their smartphone “broken”? Then they’re trying to avoid having to take a fresh, “live” picture of themselves to prove their identity. With file-hosting sites like Imgur, it won’t tell you if the uploader is using an old pic stolen from somewhere else. Plus, do you really think the majority of the internet-using population has the know-how or the patience to take a picture, find a file-hosting website, upload that picture, and correctly copy and paste the link in under a half an hour? Of course not.
-If you do eventually connect over a messaging service and get that “verified” photo, take a good, long look at it. Catfisher’s photos will either be Instagram model-style quality, or heavily pixelated and looking like they came from 2006. Most of these idiots are still smart enough to know about reverse image search, so they’ll collect these pics off amateur websites/subreddits and then awkwardly crop them so they don’t show up in said search results. They’re not just limited to selfies—they also use full body shots taken from afar. Unless I’ve missed something about every woman suddenly having a best friend that’ll take explicit photos of them at a moment’s notice, those photos ain’t really theirs.
-When you get suspicious and ask for a verified photo of something more specific—like holding a piece of paper with their Reddit name or flashing the peace sign—they’ll ALWAYS complain that they’re “too tired”, “just got into bed”, “didn’t put on any makeup”, “can’t take any photos at work right now”, or outright complain that you’re being too demanding. Then they’ll all of a sudden take longer and longer to get back to you—watch as those “reads” gradually turn into “receiveds” and finally a big ol’ “delivered”. Why? Because they’re busy chatting with a dozen other horny guys who don’t ask so many questions.
-Pay attention to their “bios”. Gay catfishers are HILARIOUSLY bad at portraying women who were born any time after the 1980’s. Look for “I’m a cheerleader/Catholic schoolgirl/sorority sister/prom queen/babysitter/just graduated high school”, etc. This isn’t an episode of Saved By the Bell, guys. It’s mainstream now for women to have actual jobs, hobbies, and aspirations! If they talk like they peaked in 8th grade, it’s fake.
-Most prominent on the list of things gay catfishers get hilariously wrong while impersonating women: their writing style, particularly with girls from their late teens to early 20’s. If it's written entirely in lower-case, starts with “hiiiiiiiiiii!”, and is peppered with a ton of omg’s, lol’s, and other “basic young white girl” shorthand, it’s guaranteed to be fake. There’s a difference between embracing your generation’s lingo and typing like you just got a lobotomy. Additionally, sociopaths are very adept at learning new slang, dumbing down their grammar, and having witty retorts to deflect any suspicion (“oh yeah baby, I’m a bot lol. beep-boop-beep, just shut up and enjoy my titties!”). The most common go-to line for catfishers when asked if they’re really a woman is “lol, last time I checked!” They’re trying to put on a convincing performance and cover their digital tracks at the same time.
-Of course, some of the lazier catfishers decide to ditch the entire act described above and just go with low-effort impersonations that appeal to the 10% of guys who are too dumb to see through the ruse. “Please fuck my tight little teen hole.” “My little teen cunt is dripping for you”. Yes, cunt. It’s not that these sociopaths are dumb enough to think young women actually talk this way; they’re banking on you being dumb enough to think they talk this way.
-“My boyfriend is working late”—no he isn’t. “My parents are out of town and I have the house to myself”—no they aren’t, and no you don’t. Again, my dudes: life isn’t a plot from a porno or Penthouse letter. Get some more realistic and modern scenarios! Girls in their late teens and early 20’s don’t invite internet strangers over for anonymous sex when they’re left alone for a few hours. They’re either gonna be vaping, Snapchatting, or Snapchatting themselves vaping. Or whatever y’all do these days. Additionally, how likely is it for a woman to scout out a guy, set up a meeting time, fuck, and be finished by the time their SO or parents come home? These “time sensitive” posts are designed to get men to send as many dick pictures as possible in a short time frame.
-One more method to guarantee expedited deliveries of your intimate photos: when the OP says “PM me” to every single person commenting in their threads, including all the low-effort comments that real women would easily ignore.
-“Hey man, my girlfriend/wife might be interested, send some pics along and we’ll get back to you”. NOPE NOPE NOPE. If it’s a guy writing to you, there’s probably no wife or girlfriend.
-Another giveaway is when a “female” poster has strict criteria for a man’s line of work. If they mention jocks, it’s 100% a gay dude, no questions asked. Jocks and athletes are among our top fantasies. Be just as weary of requests for firemen, cops, military dudes, and other “masculine” professions filled by guys who “wouldn’t ordinarily be doing this sort of thing”: Obviously there’s NOTHING wrong with a woman being curious about a man’s background. But if she immediately reads out a list of criteria that sounds suspiciously like the most popular categories of gay porn, stay away. Contrary to popular belief, not all gay dudes can get laid anytime they want—but for those who do, it can get boring real fast, so they start to seek out special fetishes or “categories” of men to spice things up. Unless she’s a seasoned veteran of seeking out anonymous sex, a woman isn’t gonna be nosy about your job, especially if it’s “blue collar”. SHE WANTS TO MAKE SURE SHE DOESN’T GET MURDERED FIRST.
-Those “special categories” frequently involve a man’s race, ethnicity, or body type as well. “Looking for Asian guys only” usually means “I’ve banged every kind of guy except an Asian one”. “Looking for skinny guys” is a not-so-subtle attempt to find the straight equivalent of “twinks”. “Uncut guys only”...I mean, think about it: how many dicks does your average woman go through until she becomes bored and starts requesting ones with little skin hats?
-Speaking of body type, watch out for the word “fit”. For reasons unknown, “fit” is heavily used by gay dudes looking to slut it up. When looking for anonymous sex, not all people who use the word “fit” are gay. But all people who are gay use the word “fit”.
-Oh, and they LOVE LOVE LOVE married or taken guys. Why? ”Let me do something for you that your wife or girlfriend would never do.” It’s the holy grail of the holy grail; the final boss in the game of turning the most “unattainable” kind of straight man.
-Any and all references to gloryholes? FAKE FAKE FAKE. Outside of some niche porn sites, there is no such thing as a gloryhole for straight people. THEY. DO. NOT. EXIST. “Well that’s ridiculous, YoureADude11. I go to this local truck stop and get blown by hot chicks all the time!” Sorry to break it to you, dude—those probably weren’t chicks.
-Other phrases that usually come from gay guys slutting it up: “draining/emptying your balls”, looking for “heavy cummers/shooters” (anything to with the volume of one’s semen, really), referring to fellatio as “stress relief”, and describing oneself as a “cocksucker”. These terms are almost entirely exclusive to the gay community. And if she asks if you’re “hung”? Be careful. Very few women in their late teens to early twenties use the word “hung” these days. And, for the love of all that is holy: if they ask you to be “open-minded”, get the fuck out. Yeah, they want you to be open-minded...to having your dick sucked by a gay guy. NEXT!
-Take a peek at their posting history. Do they seemingly spend all day commenting on pictures of dude’s cocks with some variation of “I wish I could get that in my mouth/inside me?” Watch out. Again, women like dicks, but if they want to get off, they generally need to see the dudes attached to them too. Of course there are women who will go on a dicks-only internet safari. But a lot of these subreddits devoted to cock pictures cater almost exclusively to a gay audience—then there are places like r/jobuds, where “curious” straight guys (aka…gay guys) can connect with each other.
-Mentioning they have no gag reflex? Casual references to getting face-fucked, plowed in the ass, wanting to rim you, or anything that conveniently excludes vaginal sex or something actually having to do with a woman’s pleasure? One of the biggest tells of a gay catfisher in denial. We invented those things. Those were our things. And we still hold a heavy monopoly on those things.
-The deadest giveaway of all: if they talk about giving head like they’re a world-renowned author of erotic fiction or writing a porno script, it’s probably a gay guy. If they describe oral sex like the way YOU WOULD LIKE a woman to describe oral sex, it’s a gay guy. Let’s just state the obvious: gay men aren’t just “better” at sucking dick. We’re the undisputed masters of it. We describe blowjobs the way a mechanic describes all the parts of a car after it’s been taken apart. If there are multiple references to deepthroating, face-fucking, long strands of spit, tight throats, sloppiness, and swallowing every drop, it’s most likely a gay guy describing his own cocksucking abilities. BECAUSE WE'RE THE MASTERS.
Stay safe out there, friends.
EDIT: obligatory “thank you for the gold/silver, kind stranger!” Whoever you are, I’ll suck your dick.
