TW: Abortion.
I am 43, and had an abortion last week. I just wanted to share my story of mistaking a pregnancy for peri symptoms.

I am a single mom of 3. Ages 23, 15, and 13. I have a “friend” that I’ve been having fun with in my very limited free time.
This summer was incredibly stressful, my 15 yr old was hospitalized for mental health and i attributed my fatigue to all the additional stress. I told myself I’m nauseous because I have GERD, I haven’t bled because I’m in peri.
But my boobs were just feeling so heavy and I picked up a dollar tree pregnancy test, thinking I’ll just take it and I’ll be able dismiss these “crazy” thoughts. Welp to my shock it was positive. What followed was a week of absolute emotional torture, I had never terminated before, didn’t want to. But I couldn’t imagine bringing home a baby in February which felt like next week. My baby started 9th grade this week and I couldn’t imagine how I was going to help my girls start their young adult lives with a baby on my hip. I made the choice to terminate, but it didn’t feel like much of a choice.
To my surprise at the appointment they found that the fetus had stopping developing at 6 weeks, so my body had actually made the choice for me. The relief I feel that I didn’t have to cause the termination, I can’t fully express. I was bracing myself for a lifetime of what ifs.
I guess I’m sharing to get this out of my head, and also a friendly warning to be very careful.
Thanks for reading.

and I want everyone to leave me alone. For days. My drive just stopped. I don't want to hang out with my family that much. I enjoy being home alone with no demands on anything. For days and days. My motor and ambition has completely left me. I don't know who I am. And I don't even mind. I wonder how much of my prior "personality" was just hormones... Can anyone relate? I don't care about being anything anymore. It's very strange. I wouldn't call it depression. I would call it... recalibrating

That’s my thought as a doctor told me I was too young at 40 when all my symptoms are perimenopausal. Am I supposed to think “oh great! It’s not perimenopause. It’s just unexplained dry eyes, dry skin, itchiness, random allergies, burning skin patches, anxiety, heart palpitations, UTIs, muscle cramps, irregular periods, anxiety, difficulty sleeping, and random times of rage. Just all that. All at once.” ???

I am a 41F. After suffering for over 2 years with hot flashes, insomnia, and “numbness”, among other things. A few months ago, I finally convinced my OBGYN to prescribe me HRT. Happy to report that all of my symptoms have improved if not completely resolved since starting.

Well, every year I visit a breast specialist and every 6 months I have either an MRI or mammogram because I have a slightly elevated risk of breast cancer. After learning I had initiated HRT she goes, “ah, yes…that does seem to be the big TREND these days”. And I said, “I don’t know, is it a trend?” And she went on to say how for years it was recommended that birth control be prescribed until menopause. I responded that, well, guidance has changed and I’m happy that I’m on it as it’s resolved all my symptoms. She dropped it from there.

BUT, I’m sitting in my car in the parking lot just reeling! To say a treatment is a trend is a little snarky, and condescending, isn’t it?? Like it’s a hairstyle or a new Stanley cup. Like this is some sort of fun new thing I do for bragging rights. I don’t know, rubbed me the wrong way, but maybe I’m just being over sensitive since the journey to getting it prescribed was so frustrating😖.

EDIT TO ADD: Thanks everyone so much for your support. I would respond to all if I didn’t have to get back to work. Also, these responses are further proof that this sub has some of the most witty, hilarious women in it! TY - I needed the laugh! 😆 ❤️

I'm so mad about being in peri. I'm not ready. I was a late bloomer and didn't realize what a babe I was when I was younger and now it's too late.

Yes, older women can be sexy, we have wisdom, and blah blah blah.

But today I just miss looking good in a sundress.

Please join my pity party and tell me what you miss.

I've been going through some intense stress lately and that + peri stuff means I get about 4 hours of sleep each night, then wake up with my mind racing.

But last night I was dead tired from a full day of activity, and I knew my whole family was probably safe for the night, and everything must have lined up just right. When I woke up and saw 7:00 on my phone I couldn't believe it. I feel like a new person!

Dear diary, this evening, as I got ready for bed, I slathered Tret on my face to keep my face from

sagging, and squirted Estradiol in my V to stop the UTI circle jerk of hell. I pulled on my pjs which are way tighter than they were 6 months ago and brushed my receding gums. I took my anti inflammatories to stave off the pain of the hip surgery I had 4 months ago and did a mental inventory of all the grams of protein I ingested over the course of the day. Did I get enough?I checked my watch to see if I got enough steps in between walking from the car to my office and back again. And guess what? Not enough steps. My dog has been giving me judgy looks all evening long as I languish on the couch in a funk as I read the news headlines. I try to remember all the things I forgot today but alas… I can’t remember shit. But really, ladies, what is this life?!

Ladies. Ladies! I've discovered the solution to our sleep problems. Gather round.

If you want to get an excellent sleep, try this one trick the doctors never tell us:

1. Lay on the couch (daytime preferred)

2. Open a book

3. Attempt to read

4. Wake up 4 hours later

Thank me later!

I think I hit peri three years ago, at 47. That's when I started looking old all of a sudden, gained weight, became anxious for no good reason, bladder started acting up worse than ever, and the dreaded tissue shrinkage started to happen. I had no idea what was happening to me besides "getting old" and "feeling stress".

If I had known what to look for and what to expect I would have started hormone therapy a lot sooner. Instead I was piecing together my symptoms with Doctor Reddit. It is NUTS to me that my female PCP who is in her 50s not only never mentioned peri as being a possibility, but blew off my symptoms completely and I had to seek referrals elsewhere.

Once I started advocating for myself I was prescribed an estrogen pill through Planned Parenthood, which finally resolved the insane itching and tissue thin skin. The urogynocologist who fixed my bladder problems (the only referral my PCP would give me) referred me to a gyn who specialized in menopause. That gyn kept me on my estrogen pill and also prescribed me an estrogen patch and a progestin pill to help tackle my sleeplessness.

I lucked out with both gynecologists but I'm just disgusted that my problems, in retrospect, were so obviously peri issues, that every single woman goes through, that many treatments are available for, but I still lost three years and had to fight for treatment. Along with the colonoscopy, the yearly mammogram, THIS IS INFORMATION EVERY WOMAN SHOULD BE GIVEN. Why aren't we?!

There's all the physical symptoms, the hot flashes and irregular cycles and vaginal dryness; there's the emotional symptoms like anxiety and irritability and rage and flatness. Some of us get some of those symptoms and some of us get others.

I heard on a podcast recently that the most common peri symptom is a woman saying, "I just don't feel like myself anymore."

But after spending the last year in the thick of peri and spending a lot of time here, I honestly think that the most universal experience is an overwhelming desire to run away alone to a quiet cottage in a forest or bog or desert somewhere.

I think it's just an overwhelming need to get away from the stress, from the people who we love but who need a million things from us every day, from other people's mess and noise, from the sandwich generation chaos, from having to take care of other things and people, from all the work stress, from the world wanting so much more from us than we feel capable of giving at this stage.

It's a fantasy and I don't actually want to be away from my family and friends and community (and I still genuinely really like my husband, he's great). But I just keep on deeply feeling the need for solitude and calm someplace quiet. I want to read and write and do creative things and exercise and go on long walks in nature and just feel like I have a handle on all the things that need to be done. And I am historically a high achieving extrovert who has her shit together and has always been happy to be in the thick of things.

I'm kind of joking about the bog cottage but honestly it feels like something that so many of us are conceptually craving and I'm wondering if it's evolutionary or what is happening to make it such a universal thing.

Since going through this experience, had anyone else thought about those 40-50 year old women who we thought were just these crabby and mean b*tches that we interacted with in our 20’s? I’m thinking of all of them lately and realizing they were probably just like that because they were going through perimenopause. Wish I could go back in time and hug them. 😆

He’s been asking to join a gym again so we did. Tonight he was like, “BTW, mom, I read an article tonight about how lifting heavy doesn’t make women bulky but it can make menopause symptoms worse so just be careful, ok?”

Be still, my heart. He hears me, he sees me. ❤️🥰❤️🥰💪

ETA: the point here was not that lifting is bad; I have no idea what the article even said or if it was accurate. It’s just nice that my teenage some took it upon himself to read about something I’m going through. ❤️

WARNING ⚠️ If you're easily grossed out or offended by poop stories. run

Look. We've all probably had a case of the "period shits" thanks to prostaglandins, but this was on another level.

After a long day, I had a lovely dinner, sat back on the couch and opened a book.

Few chapters in, hear a small rumble. Fine. Nice full tummy. pat pat

Next thing, I didn't get the customary "knock knock" or the classic "madam, we should find a toilet, post haste"

I got the "screaming down the barrel at light speed, double sphincter lock down, gods-of-creation save me, #clenchdemcheeksandpray, SIRENS"

I instantly stood up carefully, clenching like my life depended on it, and promptly got betrayed by my last defense. My asshole said: "Know what? I'm taking today off. I can't be asked."

Ladies. I'm not talking some little shart business. I'm talking I filled my britches like a toddler after applesauce and mashed peas.

I had to waddle to the bathroom like I had on a soggy diaper.

I have NEVER BEEN MORE MORTIFIED. The absolute betrayal of shitting yourself not 10 seconds from a bathroom is just...

How will I ever trust myself to eat out again? What if this had happened while out? What the actual FUCK is going on? 😐

I'm so tired of peri finding all new ways to destroy everything I thought I knew about myself.

P.S. I'm burning those clothes because who needs a reminder everytime they put on underwear/jeans "OH hey, them mah shittin' britches." 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Yep, I’m pregnant at 42. I was enjoying the wild ride of perimenopause - the hot flashes, night sweats, hair loss and random cycles. I enjoyed stress free sex with my husband because after 25 years of managing family planning and birth control, I finally left it up to him. He had a vasectomy and I thought he did his post care just to find out he never had his sample tested. He just assumed it worked and didn’t think he needed to double check. I’m pretty upset ATM. I believed him when he said we were good to go. I didn’t think I needed to hold his hand through this process. I trusted him to do his due diligence. I was wrong.

I am 46, and have been experiencing so much sadness over ...everything lately.
But I think the main driver is that I miss who I used to be. At 35, I was on top of things - I was in a respected leadership position, our kids were thriving, and I knew who I was as a Mom, our marriage had more warmth and excitement, I felt confident in my purpose, in myself, in how others perceive me. I was more noticed, more sought after.

At 46, I feel completely distant from that woman, and it's been causing an unexpected, intense grief. I love who I used to be! And I really dislike the numb, passionless person I have become - a stranger in my own life who feels disconnected from everyone and everything.

Anyway. I don't really have a point in writing this down, except I need a place to say the things I can't say out loud in polite society.

This stage of life is brutal. I miss how alive and purposeful I used to feel, and how hopeful I used to feel about my life and its direction.

This sub has been an encouragement in demonstrating that none of us are alone as we find our ways through tough times. Love to all of you as we get through these days together!

I’m 43, late peri, and apparently in my “I see through everyone’s BS” era. I moved overseas 8 years ago, went through the pandemic and perimenopause without a village, rebuilding my career from scratch while parenting. Survived fibromyalgia symptoms and hormonal chaos, only to find out one of my “close” friends back home has been secretly hating on me and talking behind my back this whole time.

Me in my 20s or 30s? Would’ve cried for days and written a looong message.

Me in peri? Unfollowed her on everything within 30 seconds flat.

When your hormones are already fighting you daily, you don’t need extra evil energy. PSA: clean your social media follower list, ladies. It’s self-care.

I’m 44 been in peri a few years and it’s definitely getting worse. All I want to do is hide in my bed and I have no energy to do anything. Right now I’m laying here with severe anxiety trying to breathe and relax, while panicking about all the things I should be doing.

I'm 43. For the last decade I've experienced increasingly worse symptoms such as: arthritis, night sweats, peeing five-six times a night, insomnia, random onset of rosacea, periods that once were very regular are now all over the place, etc. etc. (you get the idea).

Last year I decided to figure this out, read up on perimenopause, met with a provider on Evernow, and she said, "yeah, you're in peri. You probably have been for a long time". Great! So I got HRT (estradiol gel and progesterone). Almost everything went away. I'm sleeping through the night. No more night sweats. Period is still wild, but that's to be expected.

Went to the gynecologist this week for a pap. I told the nurse that I'd also like to speak to the doctor about maybe taking over my HRT prescriptions, to streamline the process. When the doctor came in, I could tell something was up. She was not happy. Told me HRT was something they only recommended for post-menopausal women. Said HRT was dangerous and she couldn't believe I was prescribed anything without a hormone test.

She kept saying I was "pre-menopausal" and that when my cycles get irregular (apparently a variation between 26 days some months and 35 days other months is not irregular) then we can talk about options like birth control. Birth control has NEVER been a good thing for me. I got my tubes tied because birth control didn't work for me (among other reasons). She never said the word "perimenopause". Not once. Like she didn't realize it was a thing. The doctor is young, younger than me for sure. It's not like she's 30 years out of med school. She's freshly educated.

I lost it. I just started listing all the symptoms that HRT had improved, ending with, "at least now I get to sleep at night."

She said, "well just be careful", did the pap, and then ran out of there like I'd set her hair on fire. Guess I'm sticking with Evernow.

I’m convinced there is nothing on earth with a greater will to live than my chin hair. I pluck these bitches daily and yet they show back up again the next day, unaffected by my efforts. If I could bottle what is fueling my chin hair growth I would have the be all end all cure for baldness.

Has anyone made progress on destroying these bitches? I’ve tried an at home hair removal laser and my chin hair laughed at it. I’ve tried laser hair removal at a medspa and my chin hairs rose from the dead, unbothered. HELLLLPPPP does anyone have a magic fix or am I doomed to have five o’clock shadow the rest of my life??

Honestly, I could stop the post right there. lol. But it actually feels amazing.

I love that Gen X and millennial women are finally talking openly about perimenopause. My mom is pretty feminist for her generation, but she does not enjoy the level of honesty I bring to the table. The timing of my hormonal revolution lines up beautifully with my dad’s need for a caregiver and the fact that I have three brothers but yet all the work falls on me. Actually one brother steps up from time to time but its minimal. He steps up because he has a wife who is actually doing the emotional labor.

So I am skipping my mom’s Thanksgiving tomorrow because I genuinely cannot play nice anymore. There is a giant imbalance in what women are expected to do versus what men get away with, and my mom still caters to my brothers like we are living in 1985. I do not have the bandwidth. I do not have the patience. I have no fucks left.

I tried to make deviled eggs tonight and found my blood literally boiling over the ice bath. That was my sign. I am out.

Happy holidays from your friendly neighborhood Gen X woman, powered by rage, honesty, liberation.

It's often asked here why our mothers, grandmothers, aunts etc didn't talk about perimenopause. One reason is because their mothers and grandmothers didn't talk about it because they were seen as hysterical and put into institutions simply because their husbands wanted them to, with no proof.

This article says women were institutionalized "for 'insane' behavior during the 'change of life.' (A woman’s menstrual cycle alone could see her committed, suffering from 'uterine derangement.' Period-related madness was so commonplace that doctors encouraged mothers to delay the onset of their daughters’ menses by making them take cold baths and abstain from meat and novels.)"

https://time.com/6074783/psychiatry-history-women-mental-health/

Went in for a uterine biopsy today. I a medical history that includes assault by a physician. The person who came to do the biopsy said its "only a little pinch" and offered ibuprofen and Tylenol which would not even kick in until after the appointment was over. I have had one of these done before and i knew that it was gonna hurt like hell. She lied to my face about the pain and offered to freeze my cervix??? Like youre not even biopsying my cervix?? So then j asked her if she had read my jntake in which i explain my medical trauma and assault by a gynecologist. She said " ive read your most recent note." SHE COULDN'T EVEN BE HONEST WITH ME AT ALL ABOUT ANYTHING. I walked away. No procedure done. Fuck that noise. And fuck that unprofessional bitch.

Like I have to force myself to get up. On the weekends (and sometimes during the week) I end up going back to bed for a couple hours in the afternoon. Then I’m counting down the minutes until I can go to bed around eight. I have no desire to do much of anything other than doom scroll, read or watch YouTube. 😞

Lately have seen some in the medical community online saying, "everyone thinks they're in perimenopause". I have also heard from a doctor that I visited that, "well, with all the information flying around in Dr. Google-land, so many women in their 40s are panic calling thinking they're in perimenopause". Well I have news for them. The people who are in peri are some the first generations of women reaching this milestone and understanding our symptoms because of the availability to share information due to social media! The generations before us likely suffered in silence whilst thinking they were going insane, or were too embarrassed to do anything about it until they were in full menopause. My mom struggled but didn't mention anything to her GP until her periods were done. She didn't have the tools to share anonymously with an amazing community of similar people like we have here, and gain some education to advocate for her own health.

If anyone in the medical field is out there rolling their eyes because "everyone is claiming they're perimeopausal these days", stop that thought process immediately please, and understand that we are at the cusp of a new generation of women who are informed, concerned about self care, worried about what follows menopause (hormone imbalances, bone density issues, osteoporosis, reproductive and other cancers, mental health issues, physical decline etc etc etc etc...) BECAUSE we are finally able to share openly without it being stigmatized as just "women start going crazy around menopause, they get hot flashes and turn into weepy monsters".

For all the mid-aged Queens 👑 out there, advocate for your physical and mental health sisters, we have access to shared information and online support on our side. Keep pushing for better women's health! ✌️

Edit: Wow guys! Who would have thought my ragey - peri - midnight rant, while sweating and cursing my increasingly painful plantar fasciitis, while wondering where the hell my period was.... would be the post to get me the most upvotes 🤣. RAGE ON SISTERS!!! KEEP PUSHING FOR BETTER VISIBILITY FOR WOMEN'S HEALTH!!! ❤️❤️❤️

So I am 42 and started to have some symptoms that were really uncomfortable. I turned to google as many do and determined I was just in peri menopause. All of my doctors said testing my hormones weren't worth it because they fluctuate so much during peri. I am personally against HRT (thankfully in my situation I did not want to do it and doctors didn't want to give it to me either), so I thought I just had to power through. It was so bad I found it hard to believe this was really just a hormonal thing and women deal with this all the time. But the internet wanted to tell me it was. "Cortisol spikes, insulin resistance, stagnant lymp" etc is what all the info online wanted me to believe. After I developed a rash I was told it was adult onset eczema from peri menopause causing dry skin. Every worry, concern, anxiety was being written off as just being hormonal. I was being treated as dramatic, anxious, and over the top. But i knew something was wrong. I finally got a lymphoma diagnosis this month. I'm sharing because it's important to know that although perimenopause can be hell, if you feel that something else really might be wrong please pursue it. All the best to everyone on this journey.

*** To add*** this was not a rosacea or normal kind of rash. it mimics eczema but it was presenting in parts of my body that are more likely lymphoma and not eczema. and because they assumed it was from peri, they gave me steroids topically. which then made a biopsy a false negative for lymphoma because it washed out the top layer of cancer cells. thus wasting more time. they should have paid attention at the presentation, the pain, the burning, and how bad it was and quickly and not just assumed it was eczema from perimenopause. wasted time and a pointless biopsy. I finally got a female doctor to listen to me and do blood work that showed lymphoma. all of my other blood markers were completely normal.