I (25F) just need to write this all out, and see if anyone can relate.

In January of 2021, I went to the ER for what I thought was a heart attack. Turns out, it was just a very bad panic attack.

Flash forward to now, and I have panic disorder. Before taking anxiety medication, I was getting 5+ panic attacks a day. It was hell. I’m so grateful to have medication.

Due to the physical symptoms that accompany panic attacks (throat closing, heart pounding, feeling out of body, sweating, etc.), I started to hyper-focus on my health. I would be convinced there is something wrong with my heart, or my lungs, stomach, whatever it may be.

This led me to develop a great fear of getting a heart attack or stroke. The idea of sudden, life-threatening emergencies terrify me, especially since both of those run in my family.

Now, I have orthorexia because I know that your best bet to eliminate a heart attack or stroke one day is through food, and exercise respectfully.

All I think about is food: which ones will bring my blood pressure up, which ones will raise my cholesterol, etc.

I can’t drink alcohol anymore. I can’t smoke cigarettes. In theory, these are very good choices, but it doesn’t feel like MY choice. It feels like orthorexias choice.

Physically, I feel great. Mentally? Not so much.

What’s your story?

TW: mention of binging and calories.

hi everyone, im new to the group and suffer with orthorexia. Im raw vegan and on a normal day ill eat around 1,300 cals max.

I wondered if any one else with orthorexia occasionally binges or if its just me? my 'healthy binge' last night consisted of, two Nakd fruit and nut bars, two rice cakes, an apple, a pear, a bowl of porridge, two carrots and half a cucumber with hummus, half a pack of baby plum tomatoes and half a pack of mushrooms with low cal light soy sauce. I felt super full after, but I didn't feel too guilty, its weird.

can anyone relate?

Trigger warning.

My boyfriend of 3 years is all about healthy food. He was that way before we even met. At first, that was a good thing. My eating habits were far from healthy, so he helped me with that. I am a lot healthier now and thankfull for it. But his obsession with healthy food has now sucked the joy out of eating alltogether. I don't like mealtimes anymore:

1. He always comments on everyone's food choices. Since I live with him, I keep hearing about it all day. About my choices, but even my parents habits. He even threatens sometimes that he doesn't know how long he can stay with me if I don't start eating like him/eating even healthier. Because how else can I be a good rolemodel for our future kids?

2. He researches food every day and sends me and others (mostly my family) links to articles that support his point.

3. If there are very healthy choices and 1 super healthy choice, he will ban all very healthy choices for not being healthy enough.

4. Eating out is a problem, especially if we eat at family of friends. Some will ask me beforehand what food to make. Having him over for dinner makes them uncomfortable.

5. When shopping in a supermarket, he will study all labels of new products.

6. Choosing a restaurant is a pain. He wants so see all menus before making a choice. Based on how healthy and pure the ingredients are, ofcourse.

7. If we eat somewhere he would never choose to eat himself, he will compensate in de days after (or before). I won't. I'll eat healthy at home, but I will not 'punish' myself over the occasional slightly less healthy meal.

8. If he is invited for a (farewell) party with colleagues or something, he will sometimes leave before dinner if he doesn't like the menu. Which he will study beforehand, if possible.

9. He names top athletes as his rolemodels for their way of exercising and eating.

10. If he doesn't exercise every day, he gets very cranky.

Right now we each cook for ourselves, but we both want to move towards 1 joint menu.

What I see, is an unhealthy obsession with food. Am I right to say he is orthorexic? His sister en mother have said it, too. I just want to enjoy food again. And I don't want this obsession passed down to our future children. He doesn't feel there is anything wrong with his relationship with food. What can I do?

hi guys I really need advice and support right now and I feel like I have no where else to turn too.

In the past 2 years I've struggled with anorexia, binge eating disorder, and orthorexia, and now I'm in this weird phase of all of them combined. I also have BDD and OCD, all of this combined make living my life feel like hell every day.

after binge eating for months, I decided I wanted to go gluten, sugar, and dairy free blah blah blah, I become obsessed with eating healthy, macros, and I am constantly on tik tok looking at recipes to make. I get so anxious when I know I don't have my safe foods (I have spent so much money because of this), or when I don't have quick access to them.

Now I'm in this era of overeating healthy I consume so much fats (almond butter, coconut flour, almonds, avocado, dark chocolate, eggs, etc). I also eat so much raw vegetables and I know all of this is causing me bloating and so much inflammation cause I am eating it in excess. I will have bowls of yogurt with so much almonds and almond butter twice a day, protein mug cakes with eggs, and like 2 avocados.

I know these foods are good for you but the amount I am eating them in is way too much. Has anyone else been through a phase similar to this or have any advice? I wanna go back to a lower fat, hig (ish), carb diet, diet cause I've been on this "keto" kick and its just fucking up my gut making me feel sick and bloated all the time.

Very recently, within the past couple of months, I've been learning about orthorexia after a friend approached me about my eating habits. I've struggled with body image since the age of 11, when my mother lovingly pointed out that my little stomach could be seen under my tank top. I say little because I used to always compare my body TO MY ELEVEN YEAR OLD BODY and think "well I've always been fat" despite being a completely healthy weight. My parents always encouraged healthy eating (no fast food, no microwave dinners, no "junk food"), and used negative words and connotations to reinforce a healthy eating mindset. I've been restricting what I put into my body since I hit double digits, and before that it was just my parents restricting it for me. I don't think my parents ever encouraged eating disorder behavior, but growing up I never had a good relationship with food because of this. I would binge on junk food when I went to my friends' houses since I never got to have it at my own house. Once I got my license, I loved going to drive thru fast food places more for the experience than the actual food. In high school, I would meal prep everything just to control myself; because otherwise I would go HAM in the cafeteria. In 2017 I suffered a TBI that left me without the ability to feel hunger. That on top of a poor relationship with food made me stop eating for a while. I thought this was normal. Freshman year of college I passed out during a final presentation because I forgot to eat for 3 days. At first, my lack of eating wasn't intentional, I just had no desire to put calories in my body if I couldn't even feel hunger. There was no satisfaction, just guilt. In college, I became obsessed with my health. I turned to supplements to ensure I was getting the most out of my body. I would skip class to go work out, and my body looked amazing so that reinforced the bad behaviors. Once I moved out of the dorms I became even more obsessed with my health since now I could cook all my own meals. This was the first time I could go to the grocery store and get what I wanted to eat, not just what was available to me. I would feel so guilty spending money on junk food that eventually I stopped. I would only buy whole foods (fresh produce and no freezer meals kinda thing). I cut dairy out of my diet completely, and slowly started cutting meat out as well. Now, the only meat I eat is chicken. Everything I do just looks like me being healthy, but it's all I think about. I can't bring myself to finish a meal anymore. I worry about the calories I'm eating before even swallowing my food. I cant make a non-whole-food food purchase without comparing nutrition facts and reading labels. I can tell you the protein, fat, and carbohydrate content of most foods just from memory. It's not even about losing weight anymore, I can see my rib cage just looking in the mirror and that not what I want. I just wanted to be healthy and it's completely taken over my life. I used to think I was being dramatic, or faking an eating disorder; but how can I be faking something if I don't talk to anyone about it and suffer alone? I don't know how to get out of this cycle, but I haven't enjoyed food in at least 5 years. It is such a struggle to put any food in my mouth without considering what it might do to my body; either the image or just my health in general. I'm anemic (maybe I should take iron pills?), my hair is falling out (but is it just the bleach?), I've lost all interest in the things I used to care about (maybe I'm just depressed?), I avoid going out to eat with my friends because menus don't have the nutrition labels for every ingredient available. My god I think I suffer from orthorexia, but it's almost as if I don't want to change because that change scares me more. Does anyone understand what I am saying here...?

I just had my tonsils removed and basically all I can eat right now are popsicles; I feel like I’m filling my body with waste and it’s stressing me out so much that I’ve been pulling back on eating altogether.

I’m trying really hard not to lose any more weight, but I can’t stand eating empty calories, it just makes me feel horrible. I never eat sugar otherwise, so this is a difficult adjustment and I hate the way it makes me feel.

Does anyone have any ideas on soft (preferably liquid) non-acidic foods I can eat to get some nutrients over the next few weeks?

I am currently seeing a dietitian to help with Orthorexia and Binge eating.

I was doing quite well in recovery- incorporating fear foods etc. and hadn't binged in a good month or two.

Then last week, my usual thoughts started creeping back in about eating the 'right' foods and cutting out the bad.

My brain starts saying things like 'your skin could be better than it is right now and you have really bad dark circles.. maybe it's because you are actually gluten intolerant or maybe it's actually your gut and you need to do a whole gut reset.'

So last week I did just that - I cut out all sugar, gluten and most dairy with a plan to do it for 2 weeks/a month. Well it lasted about 4 days before I fell of the wagon and started a really bad period of bingeing !!

The problem is, I am still convinced that if I could just stick to my chosen detox or diet and not fail, then maybe I can find the magic bullet to fix how I feel.

I don't know what to do. If I go back to eating like my dietitian says I know I won't binge as much which is good but I'll still be dissatisfied with myself and always wondering if I was close to finding the magic bullet. But then I never have the willpower to keep to my food rules and it always ends in disaster.

Anyone with any experience of this or helpful suggestions??

Honestly i dont even know how to start this post off. I tried making a post on another app under an ED related forum but i felt so alienated and the only comment i got was “girl u need help food isnt poison.” And the first three words of my post were that i needed help… Im so tired of hearing that and im hoping someone on here will understand me. I recently learned that i have OCD (contamination OCD to be specific) and it has never ever in my life been this bad. I dont know what to do. Its gotten to the point where i cant even eat a salad because i worry that the lettuce has pesticides all over it. Living in the south in a small town in america has made it feel impossible to find clean good food that doesnt make me feel like it has a bunch of chemicals and shit in it. I honestly felt so hopeless until i came on here and saw that there are other people with the same issues as me. Reading ingredient labels are horrifying to me and it just disgusts me all the crap they put in our food that is so unnecessary and making people sick. I hate when people tell me food isnt poison because thats simply not true, there is plenty of evidence out there supporting the fact that our food in america is toxic and sending us all to an early grave, however i know i cant continue like this cuz i have to find something to eat. Im spiraling and i dont know what to do about it. Any advice??

*Trigger Warning* Eating disorders, duh.

So, uh, yeah! Title. I use Reddit for everything else, why not my ED, too?

I'm 41. In my early 20s, I was severely anorexic.

I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing the day I finally met all the DSM diagnostic criteria for Anorexia Nervosa. I was so proud I was "officially" sick. But, that wasn't good enough. I found a subset in the DSM. You could have mild to severe anorexia which was, helpfully enough, illustrated by BMIs! Guess what became my new goal.

My lowest BMI was 15. FIFTEEN. I never went to treatment, never sought therapy, never spoke to anyone substantive about it. I just smoked a bunch of weed until the munchies let me reach a normal weight.

20 years later and I am losing weight again. I notice it and try to eat more; more food, more often. Just more. I keep fucking up. I keep losing weight I don't have to lose. It's scaring me because I don't understand why I can't eat more than what I'm struggling to get in me anyway.

An appointment last week. A new BMI that has to get better.

But, it's hard to make it better when my fridge and freezer is stocked exclusively with vegan, dairy-free whole foods requiring time and preparation. I am not a vegan. I do not have a dairy allergy. But, since I eat so little, I think the food I *do* eat has be as nutritious and good for me as possible. I think dairy, carbs, sugar and meat should be eaten very sparingly in favor of "cleaner" options like nutmilks, tofu, fruits and tofu.

That sure as hell sounds like orthrorexia, don't it??? I just figured that out in therapy this week and holy shit. I want to talk to other people like me about it. How do I do that?

Also, love and wellness to you, whoever reads this :)

I didn't have a name to put to the issue I started facing at 21. I knew I developed an unhealthy obsession with the "healthiness" of food. I cut out meat and dairy. I took the path many of us take. First I was vegetarian. Then I was vegan. Then I was gluten free vegan, raw vegan, etc. It spiraled out of control. I lost a lot of weight by anyone's standards let alone mine, being already so small for my height.

I was suffering. I still am suffering. I thought what I was doing was asserting control -- control over my life after so much trauma; control over my diet. But in reality I was out of control. I couldn't reign myself in. The idea of eating anything deemed in my mind as "unhealthy" was terrifying. The consequences\ of breaking the rules I set for myself is hours, days, weeks of anxiety that feels like a pressure in my chest, threatening to suffocate me.

Recovery is a vague status. Am I in recovery? Yesterday I ate ground beef. That's a victory for me. But I also ate gluten free and low sodium. If I see any visible fat, any oils, I go out of my way to skim them off the top. I still can't eat any shellfish. I'm afraid I might die if I do. I fear chicken sometimes and I am always afraid to eat pork.

I want to recover, but relapsing feels easier until it isn't. Until I can't get out of bed. Until I can't focus. Until I am so mentally out of it, I can't even remember what happened a few minutes ago. Whole months of my life are just a haze filled with hunger and malnutrition. I feel like I am slowly killing myself.

I wonder if any of you deal with health anxiety or "hypochondriasis" like I do. It really is the fuel for my disordered eating. I am obsessed with being healthy but my concept of what is healthy with food abnormal.

Hi, I am currently recovering from orthorexia. My stance on food has changed a lot, and these days I try to eat more balanced. I try to challenge myself by eating a dessert when I’m craving it or something processed in moderation. This used to not work for me but then I realized I was in a shame based cycle where I wasn’t allowing myself to fully enjoy it in the moment and that would cause me to binge. I just want to remind you all that no matter where you are at in your journey, you are strong and you are not dramatic. It’s hard as hell living with this. People do not understand how comments about your food or your body stab you like a knife and drastically affect your self esteem. Keep going. Recovery is possible and it’s not linear but it is possible. One step at a time.

anyone else? the only option to eat I have is to cook, but I can be starving, not eaten for a day or more and so hungry I'm in pain and nauseous and can barely stand yet can't get myself to cook due to executive dysfunction, and the anxiety I have around cooking, also ocd... I have to wash the dishes a couple times, always again before cooking, washing everything takes at least 15-30 minutes like literally, and then washing my hands between touching each ingredient, closely inspecting each ingredient, wondering if it has ever accidentally fell on the floor in the store and might be contaminated and I don't know it...then sometimes once I make the food I over think these things and am convinced the food is poison and now I can't eat it. It all started as orthorexia, first just wanting to eat more organic, then cutting out seed oils, then worrying about chemicals, and now my ocd has taken over. I had severe ocd as a teen but completely recovered, now the ocd came back and joined forces with the orthorexia to create a whole new kind of beast. my bmi is 14, I hate how I look, I want to gain weight so bad but it's so hard under these circumstances.

I'm really hungry now but afraid of my dishes so I can't cook, my bf has a compost bin that was in the same closet as car wash liquid, my brain convinced me because I scrapped my food into the compost, and the compost was near car wash liquid, that all my dishes are now contaminated with cancer causing chemicals. I literally can't use my dishes, haven't really eaten in days now, I think I just need to buy new dishes but can't afford it. I hate living with someone, I never know if he might have dropped my dishes on the ground or poured toxic chemicals in the sink, or dropped my food from the fridge on the ground. I keep being afraid of my food and dishes and need to throw away my food and get new dishes

listen it’s a long story but here are my “symptoms”

• scared of processed food/ won’t eat

• scared of berries , apples, tomatoes /fruit packed in plastic etc (microplastics)

• scared of seafood (microplastics)

• I won’t allow myself to get under 21g of fibre a day

• I limit foods that have touched plastic/3 a day max

• scared of oils / lead to cardiovascular issues , high bp etc

• scared of things like stevia

• I have a decent range of safe foods that I’ll only eat / only eat foods that feel safe

• (if it changes anything I’m also diagnosed Ana-r ) There’s probably others but I’m lazy 🙏

So, I am trying to follow a restrictive meal plan to treat a medical issue, it involves no dairy and gluten, which are in a heck of a lot of meals. It does mean that I will be making my meals since I will then be able to be consistent with it. I do find it really difficult because for example, it is like when people say here take this or would you like this? It is like they will say it multiple times and eventually it is just less exhausting to actually eat it even though I will then have symptoms.

At work yesterday there was a free taco truck which everyone made a big deal over, I had made my lunch to bring to work. I went on break and ate my lunch, then my supervisor asked me if I had had a taco, I said yes just to avoid her pestering me but my supervisor realized since I had come back so quick. So, then she made a big deal out of it, she kept asking, I said no thanks I just ate, so she was like just get it you can have it later it's free. So, I went with her because honestly had no choice then. I got it and while it did give me something else to eat when I got hungry, I started having symptoms of vertigo since it had dairy in it and I am sensitive to that. It is just not worth the symptoms but people don't really seem to respect a boundary around food unless you say you have an allergy or something serious like that.

Last night i couldn't finish my exercise routine (2hr hiit and more cardio) after having a meltdown and i had to take a sedative to get through supper. I literally felt at a loss for what to do with myself without my exercises. I'm trying not to beat myself up and i'm going to try not to make up my missed hiit session, but i don't know if i'll succeed.

I don't know, i just feel really pathetic right now and needed to get it out.

I had always been active as a kid but never really thought about eating healthy or working out in order to maintain a certain physique. That was until I took my first nutrition class in 7th grade, which made me scared of food entirely because I didn’t have a sense for any balance. For a short time I didn’t eat, but soon came around to eating only super healthy/lean meals like chicken and white rice. My parents took notice and became worried which is when I first started to see a Registered Dietician. She was awesome, understanding, and nice because she never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to. Any advice or tips she gave me she would explain so I wasn’t just following advice blindly. I saw her for about 10 weeks, until she along with my parents felt like I had found a good balance between healthy behaviors and being okay if I slipped up every once and a while. Besides going to see an RD, I would say finding the right balance was the biggest step in my recovery. I realized that it was okay to work out and eat healthy, but also have the ability to let loose if the circumstances aren’t ideal or if I want to have that ice cream cone.

Fast forward to now, I am a freshman in college studying Nutrition Science planning on either becoming a RD or going to Medical School. I still work out regularly and eating healthy for the most part. I still get teased sometimes by people for passing on that slice of pizza or opting for a protein cookie instead of a slice of cake, but I am happy with my balance for working out and eating healthy and that’s all that really matters. I wouldn’t change a thing about my past because it shaped me into the man I am today and showed me my passion for nutrition. I even met someone at college recently that also dealt with orthorexia which was really cool since I always felt alone in my struggle/thought process when it came to my health. I acknowledge that every scenario/person is different and just because something worked for me doesn’t means it’ll work for everyone. The main intent of this post is show others it’s possible to achieve a healthy relationship with food/working out and that you’re not alone!!

I guess I'm hoping someone one here will understand how I'm feeling since I'm feeling like I'm completely alone in this. I've been working with a nutritionist to challenge some of my food rules and not fear certain foods, but it's a long and slow process, as I'm sure some of you know and yesterday I realized just how slow it's going...

I had my family over and my two nieces were hungry. They're 7 and 9 and kind of picky, like kids can be. No big deal, I have no problem with it. So my sister asks if I have some peanut butter and jelly to make them a sandwich. Unfortunately, jelly is a trigger foods for me (any amount of added sugar freaks me out) so I don't keep it in my house. If I want something like jelly (which is super rare due to other food rules I have), I defrost some frozen berries and mush them up. Viola! Jelly!

Well, apparently she thought that was weird and started making fun of me for not having jelly in the house in front of my mother in law and my husband. I kept my cool for the first few comments and when she wouldn't let it go, I got upset. I can't remember what I said, but my sister rushed her kids out of the room like I was some crazy person. By the way, after talking to my husband about what happened, he didn't think I was scary or out of control, he just thought me getting upset came out of nowhere and wasn't warranted.

They all know I have "issues" with food. I'm very open about what I'm going through and they all say they get it, but they can't. My brain tells me if I eat refined sugar, I will die. I know it's not rational, but it is what it is and I'm trying to deal with it. I don't really know why I'm writing this for except that I guess I'm hoping just one person will say they actually understand how I feel...

TLDR: Sugar freaks me out and my family doesn't get it.

i just realized that in the past month, i have been starting to develop orthorexia symptomps. my family's actually been just fine about what i eat since childhood, and it seems like i developed it myself a few months ago. i started to stop eating sugars and change it to fruits, and the main motive is because my low self esteem, especially tiktok and social media exposure. also note that i am underweight, but i want to lose face fat and acne so bad because obviously, social media and unrealistic beauty standards. i started to only eat healthy foods, and get super depressed and often tell myself "no don't eat! don't eat that sweet thing or you'll become ugly!" and its honestly sickening. i miss when i was able to eat whatever i want without thinking about how unhealthy it is or how it will make me undesirable. i don't even eat that much sugar that time.. and now i just feel like i'm making up new problems. i just keep bingeing on grapes, knowing i wanted to eat a bar of chocolate so bad but i'm scared about what it will do to my face. ugh this is making me miserable, even if i already uninstalled social media it feels like they are still ringing in my head, the voices stay.

Didn't want to post before because it looked dead but happy to see it's still open due business! I was curious how people inspire themselves to eat when they have no interest in food? I've solo recovered mostly to a state of neutrality with food, but that often means i see hunger as a thing to be dealt with and thus it's annoying. I'm hungry but just don't care to eat? Anybody relate?