I'm in no way a perfect husband. However I think I'm a pretty good one. I have a strong marriage and here are some reasons why (no particular order):

1. My wife is the most important person in my life. Yes, even more than my kids. More than my mom, dad, brother...you get the picture. Why is this important? If you and your spouse aren't happy together, no one else will be either.

2. If I clean it, I can play I like to golf. I like to go out and have a few drinks. But I also know that if I do this, I need to make sure that I help out around the house. When I'm home with the kids, I clean. I do the dishes, I sweep, I do some laundry (I HATE laundry)...so when I do ask "Do you mind if I play a round of golf on Saturday?" I usually get a "Okay...when will you be home?"

3. We talk it out...and it's hard to do! This is probably one of the hardest things to do. People will tell you not to go to bed mad, but I don't think that's the case. Going to bed will sometimes allow for both of you to think about it. Talk about it in the morning after you BOTH have had time to think about whatever it was that you were arguing about. If you were wrong, for the love of god just admit it and say "sorry." It's the hardest thing to do, but makes things better!

4. Family first Your job is not the most important thing in your life. I have a stressful, time-consuming job as we all do. That doesn't mean that when I come home I continue doing it. That also doesn't mean that I stay at work until all late hours. Are there times that I have to work late? Yes. But when there are things that can wait until the next day, I wait.

5. When you have kids, be a dad This is specifically for men. Seeing you holding the baby, spending time doing diapers, feeding, all that fun stuff - shows that you believe in what you have done. Your love for your wife is exhibited in that little kid. You spending time and taking time with the kid(s) is evidence of your happiness. And there really is nothing better than having some fun with the family!

I'm sure people have a lot more to add - but I hope this was a good starter!

One day when it was raining we spontaneously went splashing in the puddles outside our house when it was pouring down rain. All muddied up we then went for a quick dip in the pool. One of the best memories we've got I think!

We also play ball inside, paint silly pictures and go for random drives and go for drives in the early hours of the morning, just because. Made a little more difficult now that we have a baby, but we still do it haha!

Share yours!

I haven't seen my dad in 11 years, he will be making a huge monetary sacrifice to fly into the country for a week to meet my wife and kids. My wife is upset because he wants to stay till Sunday which happens to be mother's day.. She thinks driving an hour to the airport will ruin “her day". She thinks I should make him leave Saturday, thoughts?

Tonight, my husband surprised me with flowers. I have sporadically complained that he never does anything spontaneous or romantic, but tonight he surprised me with flowers for no special reason, just because he loves me, and I'm his princess. I am so happy; I just had to share!

Im depressed. I have be dealing with my depression since I was 13....my husband doesn't believe in depression he says it's all in my head. I want to go back to therapy but we have no insurance and he says I just have to "give myself to God and then I'll be better". How can I explain to my husband I need help when he doesn't believe me? We have a four year old son. Im at my breaking point.

We are both pretty introverted and have small circles. Very small. 99% of the time I am more than happy about that but tonight I really just want the world to know that there is an absolutely amazing man out there. A person with a good soul. I am not his first marriage and our marriage is not perfect at all but we both work at it. We make it our priority everyday. I am more than happy to make this commitment but I feel very grateful to have found someone who feels the same way and wants the same thing. He had woken me up with a kiss and a cup of coffee every. single. morning since we moved in together 5 years ago. He always lets me pick the movie. He doesn’t make fun of me for crying over the cat I had for 20 years. He cries about the love he has lost as well. He lays with our toddler daughter every night until she falls asleep because she slept on his chest since the day she was born. He makes me want to be a better person and simultaneously makes me believe that I already am. I promise I didn’t just come to gloat, I have talked to several female friends, also in their 30s+, and I just want to say please, please, do not lower your standards for anyone!! You may not meet the woman or man or amazing soul of your dreams right away but one day you will be glad you didn’t accept someone who wasn’t good to you. I wake up every day in awe that I married the man of my dreams. Literally. When I was in high school I made a list of all the qualities my dream man would have: light eyes, dark hair, strong arms, nice chest, musically inclined, athletic, comes from a close family, etc., I mean, I got specific, like ‘sexy dad but doesn’t dress like a dad.’ Let me tell you, he was an incredibly sexy single dad when I met him and he is even more so now. I don’t know how we found each other but it happened. I hope one of those two thoughts gives your night some joy or peace. Amazing, genuine, good people exist. Love will find its way to you in a way you truly deserve.

Okay sorry- he’s just working late tonight and I wanted to be sappy about him. I’m also a little bit nervous- looooong time lurker but first time poster. Like, my first Reddit post ever so, be gentle lol.

My husband really thinks he’s perfect because he cooks and cleans. And I guess that’s hard to find? The problem is that he is never there for me emotionally. I’m struggling with my mental health so sometimes something as little as me washing my face is a huge accomplishment for me. He had the nerve to say I should be focusing on cleaning first. Also he makes me feel guilty about complaining about the kids. So I ask him to stop telling me about his job because it not fair he has me to vent to yet I can’t complain.

For example, my husband and I think farting, pooping, gross stuff in general, can be pretty funny, but I would never put stories like this up on Facebook. Or funny sexual things. It would be inappropriate, because sometimes people would find it offensive or it just feels too intimate. Anyone have any good stories that they've always wanted to share?

Absolute trust in your partner, and your partner having absolute trust in you. Without this you will forever have problems.

Okay so, my husband has this cousin, and she has always hated me. Background of the times we've been around each other: Husband and I had very small wedding, and she was the bridesmaid. I was around 7 months pregnant, it was fairly hot out, and well I just am extremely uncomfortable taking pictures. Husband and I set out for a bit taking pictures, probably 10 minutes and after that, I wanted to go in and change. This really pissed her off. She left without saying goodbye to me. Later on that day I asked her to send me a certain picture of my father and I, and she replied "I was under the impression you didn't want pictures". I told her I wanted the ones that were already taken...and she went on to tell me how insecure I was and she knew everything about me even though her and I had never spoken. 2nd she came for the birth of our daughter...OH BOY. She never looked at me, never said one word to me. She even ignored me when I spoke to her. She held our newborn, and left without saying goodbye. Not a word or a glance.

Okay so, recently my husband cheated on me. Apparently fucked up on pills..I can't believe I actually took him back, I was sure it was over. He even gave me 2 STI's as gifts from the whore, how sweet. And I'm pregnant with our next baby already. Anyways, after his cousin found out, she sent me messages on facebook telling me to divorce him that he wanted the divorce. I told her I was going to but she had no place in telling me to do so. Then she uninvited me from her wedding, and told me to hurry up so she could introduce him to a friend of hers.

He told me he'd do anything, anything to prove to me he wouldn't cheat again. To make me comfortable. But, he's going to the wedding, knowing full well she's introducing him to her friend, and he's going alone. Pregnant wife with baby home, alone. I do understand it's his cousins wedding, but shouldn't he at least tell her if I'm not invited he's not going? Or, to at least call her and deny her advances in advance? I honestly think if he goes, that is my last straw with him. If he goes I do not trust him, and he hasn't given me any time to trust him again, all of this JUST happened. I have tried talking to him about it, he ignores me.

What would you do? If you were me/if you were him?

UPDATE: Also wanted to include the many messages to him and I letting us know what a failure our marriage is, yet here he is going to her wedding. What is the best way for him to stand up for me? Not that I'm going to ask him to, he should just do it!

My husband and I have been married for 1.5 years and have been talking about when we would stop bc and start trying to get pregnant. I want to stop bc this summer, he wants to wait a few years. The reasons are not important to this post, but mostly pertained to being more financially stable and him thinking I want a child because all my friends have kids. He tells me that I am still young and we have time (he is 11 years older than me).

Anyway, we left the discussion for another day, agreeing that we should be more financially stable. The other day, he overheard one of my friends telling me that she was surprised that her husband changed their baby's diaper without being prompted. He then said to me that I will be changing diapers this time next year. This obviously surprised me because we had just talked about waiting a few years!

When I asked about it later, he said he had just been teasing. How do I make him understand that its not ok to tease me about this, because I am serious about being ready for children and it hurts me when he thinks I am just jealous of my friends?

Thanks!

Me and the wife do this sometimes. I drive, she sits in the passenger seat.

As you are both looking forward and not facing each other, it takes a lot of the negative body language out of the equation and allows you to focus on what each other are saying.

It's not perfect, but it's good to sometimes just draw a line in the sand, take a minute not talking to get in the car then start again.

I haven't checked lately but two of them were still alive around lunch time

Excluding the obvious (i.e. watching tv/movies, sex, etc.)

My mother in law is coming to town for a week at the end of the month. I don't really know her, and my husband isn't fond of her. She was pretty horrible when he was growing up. How do those of you with uncomfortable in law situations keep things comfortable (mostly) when they are staying with you?

Someone mentioned NVC in response to another post. I can't think of anything more valuable to married life (or Life) than adopting this language for conflicts. Here is the basic process:

1. Identify a specific action or behavior that you have a problem with. The key is identifying a concrete action, not your interpretation of that action. Acceptable = "When you stay out until 3am", "When you didn't do the dishes last night". Unacceptable = "when you disrespect me", "when you say hateful things to me". Both of those statements involve your interpretation of the other persons intention, which is precisely what we want to avoid here. Also unacceptable are "When you stay out ALL NIGHT", "when you NEVER do the dishes", which are probably stretching a bit to paint the other person as a villain. You want to be simple, specific, factual and NON-JUDGEMENTAL.

2. Explain how that action makes you feel, not what you THINK about it. Words like "sad" and "angry" are acceptable, but words like "hurt" imply an interpretation of the other person's intention and are not acceptable. We often use the phrase "I feel like..." to preface a thought construct, usually one that involves interpreting the actions of the other person, e.g. "I feel like you never listen to me." in NVC, we want to leave the other person out of it and take responsibility for OUR feelings.

3. Identify and explain the unmet need you have that is causing your feelings. The whole premise of NVC is that all conflicts originate from unmet needs and unheard feelings. What we want to do here is drop all the blame and judgement on the other person and get in touch with our own feelings, and explain them to the other person. Any judgement or blame that you attach to this process will tend to make the other person close up, which gets you nowhere. On the other hand, opening yourself up and exposing your own pains and unmet needs tend to generate sympathy and connection. If the other person feels that you are interested in their feelings (rather than judging or blaming them), they will be much more likely to engage in productive dialogue.

4. Request a concrete action the other person can do to meet your needs. This is not a demand! We only want the other person to do this thing if they want to. Conflicts escalate for (basically) one reason- human beings do not like to be coerced! When you judge and blame someone, you are defining them in a way that they will ALWAYS naturally resist because no one is, in reality, a villain. ALL people are complex, always changing, and full of good intention. No one wants to be told what to do without their own needs and feelings taken into consideration.

Here's the difference between a request and a demand- when you make a demand and the other person doesn't fulfill it, you SULK. You have made the other person's actions responsible for your emotional stability, which is the root problem of conflicts in relationships and exactly what we want to avoid with this process language.

So! Take responsibilities for you feelings and needs and find the words to articulate them to your partner without blaming or judging them. This is VERY tricky, especially in our culture where most of our language is based on blame and judgement. If anyone wants to post a sample argument, we can go through it as an example. .

We are off this week between Christmas and New Year. And right now I am just venting, so I know I will regret saying this, but I wish he would take his FACE somewhere away from mine for just a littttle while. We work together as well, so spend a lot of time together and I really do love that. But at work we are WORKING and not right up each other's asses. We have been home since last Thursday and mostly lazing around tbh, but I have been cleaning in between and throwing shit away. Kind of a end-of-year clean-up deal. But if I am on the couch, he is on the couch. I get up to do something "productive" and he gets up and wants to, I guess, just be involved in it. He told me at Christmas all of his plans of cleaning his workshop, throwing away crap, working on the his motorcycles, but none of that shit has transpired. So I got up this morning, told him I was going to the store for stuff I needed and got ready. The second I am putting on my shoes, he gets off the couch and says he wants to go. Of course I say, FINE, hurry up.. and sit waiting for him to get ready. I told you I love this man more than anyone, and I mean it, but GDI... I JUST WANT HIM OUTTA my ASS for an hour or so.

Background: I am a 26 year old female. I've been married about a year. Our relationship isn't bad. I've just realized it's not as good as it could be. I went to visit my grandmother recently, and I ended up going by myself. The drive was so therapeutic. The uninterrupted time to rant to myself and then (once I was a little calmer) reflect on our marriage and our relationship led to an entirely new thought process for me.

A lot of our problems (not all) are at least in part due to my attitude. I'm honestly not as affectionate as I wish I was. I mean in terms of day-to-day affection. I am absolutely still in love with him. I just feel like a lot of the reason he does some of the things he does that make me mad are because he doesn't feel appreciated or cared for in our marriage. I feel like my attitude hurts his feelings sometimes, and I didn't realize how I was coming across sometimes.

But anyway I want to slowly start learning to change my behavior. One thing that is a priority for me is being more physically affectionate. Plus, I feel like improving in this area will help in other areas, if that makes sense.

So guys:

What are some physical things you want your wife/girlfriend to do for you? (like cuddling, massage, etc.)

Is there a form of physical affection that you want but you never felt like you could ask a girl for?

Ladies:

Have you ever felt this way in your marriage?

What do you do to show physical affection for your husband?

Sorry if this seems dumb. I just want to have some ideas. My husband doesn't really like to talk about this stuff. Thanks in advance to anyone willing to answer! I really appreciate it!

Wife here. I wasn't so much asked as told.

I was freaking out because I had learned I was pregnant with our first child (my first, his third) and he came home to calm me down.

See, up until being with him being pregnant was a had thing. My ex, during a pregnancy scare, basically acted as though I was insane for wanting to keep it if there was indeed and it. And before then I lived with my parents who would have flipped their shit.

So, it being happy news? Hadn't kicked in.

He came home, took me by the hands, and told me how it was all okay, he loved me more than anything and we were just going to get married sooner than we may have otherwise. I stammered. Then said, "I guess my answer is yes?" and he blushed deeply, then got on one knee and asked officially. I laughed and said yes. Been married 5 years, happy as hell, very in love.

How about you guys?