I hate Woody Allen physically, I dislike that kind of man. He has the Chaplin Disease; that particular combination of arrogance and timidity sets my teeth on edge. Like all people with timid personalities his arrogance is unlimited. Anybody who speaks quietly and shrivels up in company is unbelievably arrogant. He acts shy, but he loves himself; a very tense situation. It's people like me who have to carry on and pretend to be modest. To me, it's the most embarrassing thing in the world - a man who presents himself at his worst to get laughs, in order to free himself from his hang-ups. Every thing he does on the screen is therapeutic.

You think, "Hey! It's after the apocalypse. Damn near everyone and everything that I know about is dead. Story's dying, and soon to be over."

You think, "Oh, what a tragedy! Soon there's going to be nothing to see here!"

You're wrong. You're the victim of a myopic worldview. It's not ending, here. Nothing ever ends. Things start. They begin. They continue.. They flourish, like fire. They go out. But your story? Your vaunted narrative?

That's never going out. Never going away. Never gonna be over.

I mean, yeah: yours will. Sure. That's a fact. But that's just your story. Your history. There are other stories and other histories out there. Now and forever and always continuing.

I mean!

I mean I mean I mean!

Reality exists!

Have you ever thought of that!?

The implications?

How the actual flying fuck is there something instead of nothing!?

Your story?

That's a fucking vaudeville play.

Meanwhile in a real theatre of true repute, a real show is playing.

Just - open your eyes to it. Be alive through it. See the skies through it.

It's a crushing, glorious, affirmative, nihilistic thing, you know.

The up-there and out-there.

But without it, without that screaming siren of narrative made of absolutely incomprehensible unfathomable truth - man.

There really would be nothing.

Don't get me wrong.

It would feel like wholeness.

Wholeness better than whole, you know?

That's how the great lies, the grand lies, the lies we were made to see true always do.

And when you let go of them, there's just this.... massive, irrepressible, and totally incurable emptiness.

But goddamn, and fuck my animal soul.

Fuck it if it isn't beautiful.

Even in the nihilism.

Even in the pain birthed by insignificance.

Even in all that pissing static where once there was this grand illusion of the meaning point and purpose of life; of the truth and the beauty that was the lie and the facade - but what a beautiful lie!

And yet all the more fascile for it.

Shallow.

I'll tell you this: the universe is hollow, but it's a whole that won't ever be filled up. Humanity is a thing you can exhaust yourself on. Patterns and paradigms and archetypal roles -

- reality has none of that, and all of that, and it's emptiness is like gold.

Ah.

Here is a hollowness that can make me whole.

Several years ago, I found an okay translation of the book’s preface and just dug up a document I’d copied and pasted it to. I did not translate this myself, but I did clean it up as much as possible to make it more understandable. Some bits are still a bit hazy, but you get the gist. I neither condemn nor condone suicide by posting this, rather The Complete Manual of Suicide is one of my many morbid interests and I find the preface quite disturbing. That’s saying a lot. This book has been found on bodies in the famous Aokigahara Forest and the preface itself provides a very dark insight into a certain mindset of youth and young adults at a very particular time in Japan’s history - a time which saw the aftermath of the economy’s bubble collapse (refered to as “The Lost Decade), the ripples of which stretched far and wide across the country - among the other, usual factors (discussed in the text to come.) Culturally, I feel this is some striking and unique stuff.

The Complete Manual of Suicide

Foreword

This book describes the methods of committing suicide in detail. It was not written by people who have attempted to commit suicide many times, and it is not written to explain the reasons behind committing suicide.

Although the book can be treated as a record of events, the whole book follows the main objective of showing anyone how to commit suicide.

Long ago, the topic “why do young people commit suicide?” had been discussed by various parties. In the 70s, the conclusions were something like “nihilism”, “age of sorrow”. Nevertheless, the questions, “why can’t I commit suicide?”, “why must I stay alive?” were never really resolved.

There’s a need for a book, which can help one to commit suicide, to take actual actions, but not just having the idea in mind. Books with such aims were once published ten years ago - “The Ways to Commit Suicide” is an example. However, the book was not well organized and is boring. We only need to know the ways to commit suicide, not any other unrelated things.

In America, a scholar invented a machine, which allows “mercy killing” to be put into practice. And this book will be the only “suicide machine” in Japan, making use of words.

Speaking of this, I want to start introducing drug overdose. But to help you understand the question “Why do we need to commit suicide now?” better, and for other commercial reasons… I have to talk about some other things first.

A student rebellion took place 20 years ago. I was waiting for my time to show off my ability. Everyone thought that someone great would emerge. The Apollo landed on the moon. The oil crisis. The Soviet Union’s invasion of other countries. I thought my actions would affect the whole world. But it just caused a little vibration - only a wall collapsed. Students faced each another and smiled. “That’s great!” The rebellion is going to end…

At the end of the 80s, there was a trend of believing in the end of the world, and talking about dangerous topics, the famous bands performed songs about Chernobyl, the jokes coming out of kids’ mouths all had the taste of death, teenage girls prepared for the world war by seeking a mate. And we cheered for beliefs like “the emergence of the mighty”, “tomorrow may be the end of the world.”

The end of the world didn’t show up, the atomic bombs were left intact, the dream of having a world-wide nuclear war vanished. The revolutionists of the 80s were greatly depressed.

At last, everyone realized that there would be no time to show off their own ability, the 22nd century must arrive. (Of course, the 21st century is approaching, there won’t be any world war.) There will never be an end of the world. We stretched our arms into outer space, but it couldn’t bring us enough satisfaction. If we want more excitement, if we really want the world to come to its end, we have to do “something”.

A Long Vocation

It’s useless to say “it’s dull and boring.” We are all unlucky. We were born on this stage of past events. We will wake at 7am, either going to work or going to school afterwards. We will repeat the pointless speeches. At school, we keep reciting English vocab, histories, the reign titles; at work, we keep saying senseless things while we keep on working over different senseless projects, for a few weeks, a few months or a few years.

New inventions will be introduced at a slow pace. The slow-paced politician will keep on accepting bribes. The TV programs keeps on bringing excitement to its audience at a slow pace. After we switch off the TV, it will be just another ordinary day.

Yukio Mishima once wrote the lines, “ordinary life is even more horrible than a war.” in his autobiography “Confession d’un masque”. We tolerated the nervousness caused by the terrifying ordinary life, in return for the ridiculous “calm and bright future.” We have to be careful throughout our life, trying in vain to avoid any mistakes.

There’s no happy ending like the ones in the comedies. Happiness keeps on emerging repeatedly at a slow pace. Yes, the key is “repeatedly” and “at a slow pace”. Substantial events keep on emerging repeatedly at a slow pace. This is the first element leading to suicide.

Another brick in the wall

A bridge maze suicide event took place in Japan in 1978. Two sisters living in Toyoma, Japan were found dead, hanging on a tree. In a diary which belonged to one of the two sisters, four straight lines and several sidelines were drawn on one of the pages, forming a maze (a form of game finding the root by following the lines drawn.) Under the diagram, the following were found, “Japanese”, “Commit Suicide”, “ROS”, “Three Houses” (Families that would be eligible for Tokugawa shogunate.) These incomprehensible words.

The line being drawn on that particular page led to “Commit Suicide”. Their parents couldn’t understand the motive behind their daughters’ decision to commit suicide, therefore the conclusion that the girls died for the maze was formed.

It was thought that ROS meant “Rolling Stones”, as the page also carried phrases like “Japanese”, “I hate Asian.” Nevertheless, no one can understand the true meaning of the words on that page.

A judge once said “One’s life is more important than the planet earth.” This is a pitiful misunderstanding of the fact. Just like what the two girls had realized, life is as fragile and as unimportant as can be, just like “Japanese” and ROS.

At the end of the 50s, scholars of the US said that everyone seems to lack strength. At the end of the 70s, rock bands sang “We are a brick in the wall.” and became very famous. Even in the 90s, this situation has not changed in Japan.

Just like the old days, we are still a brick in the wall. The proof is, assume one of us dies; there must be a replacement for the deceased very soon. Everyone can be replaced by somebody else. Therefore, no politician warrants assassination. That is just one brick less in the wall, the wall will not collapse.

Everyone lacks strength, it doesn’t matter whether we exist or not. Life is unimportant. This is the second element leading to suicide.

Clockwork Orange

We, people who lack strength, keep doing the same things repeatedly. We’ve forgotten the feeling of being alive. We can’t tell if we are living or dead. Do you feel that you are “alive” now? At this stage, only a thin line separates living and dead.

Therefore the sayings, “life is valuable, you should not commit suicide”, “if you stay alive, everything will have a turning point”, “your friends and relatives will feel sad for your death, so you have to stay alive” can all be put aside; these are not convincing anymore. The convincing words which can stop one from committing suicide vanish; the signal for committing suicide emerges.

Yes, you can commit suicide. If you feel discomfort, resentment or even pain in your daily life at school or at work, you can take one step across that thin line into death. No one can stop you. Just like the previous paragraphs, nothing will change even if you stay alive and keep on facing these challenges. Although we don’t have extraordinary powers, we can still tell what will happen to ourselves or to the society in the future.

“Future! Future!” It’s useless even as it’s convincing. Your life will essentially be growing up and receiving your education in your hometown. You’ll attend supplementary classes in the hope of getting a good result in the exams. You’ll enter a high school or university and fool around for a few years before you start your career in a local company. If you are a man, you will get married between the ages of 25 to 30 and have your first child the following year. You will face several changes in your occupation, and at most be promoted as a manager. You will retire at 60 years old, and spend the rest of you life enjoying your habits. Finally, you face death. This is what you will get. And depressingly, this is the ideal life in many people’s minds.

If this is the case, living an ordinary life is meaningless. You live as if you are the chicks in the farms, destined to be consumed in future. “You are given the life to live. You are not living your own life.” Therefore, putting a full stop to it at a suitable time isn’t a matter of feeling despondent, thinking that it won’t happen twice or fear that the decision will trigger off massive chain effects.

Committing suicide is a positive act.

Angel Dust

I have a friend. He has a drug called “angel dust”. People feel dazed after taking it and would be able to jump off a high-rise building without feeling anything. He has put the drug into a metal follicle and has attached it to a necklace, bringing it along with him wherever he goes.

He says ”I can take the drug and commit suicide whenever I need to.” My friend has no fixed job. He lives in idleness and is very happy about it.

I hope this book can be your little metal follicle necklace.

DISCLAIMER: Do not attempt this if you suspect you might be in the 0th dimension, as the fixed point will immediately fill the universe, obliterating you, who are presumably also a point.

Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.

Arepo built a temple in his field, a humble thing, some stones stacked up to make a cairn, and two days later a god moved in.

Hope you're a harvest god!", Arepo said, and set up an altar and burnt two stalks of wheat. "It'd be nice, you know." He looked down at the ash smeared on the stone, the rocks all laid askew, and coughed and scratched his head. "I know it's not much," he said, his straw hat in his hands, "but - I'll do what I can. It'd be nice to think there's a god looking after me."

The next day he left a pair of figs, the day after that he spent ten minutes of his morning seated by the temple in prayer. On the third day, the god spoke up.

"You should go to a temple in the city," the god said. It's voice was like rustling wheat, like squeaks of fieldmice running through the grass. "A real temple. A good one. Get some real gods to bless you. I'm no one much myself, but I might be able to put in a good word?" It plucked a leaf from a tree and sighed. "I mean, not to be rude. I like this temple. It's cozy enough. The worship's been nice. But you can't honestly believe that any of this is going to bring you anything."

"This is more than I was expecting when I built it," Arepo said, laying down his scythe and lowering himslef to the ground. "Tell me, what sort of god are you anyway?"

"I'm of the fallen leaves," it said, "the worms that churn beneath the earth. The boundary of forest and of field. The first hint of frost before the first snow falls. The skin of an apple as it yields beneath your teeth. I am a god of a dozen different nothings, scraps that lead to rot, momentary glimpses. A change in the air, and then it's gone."

The god heaved another sigh. "There's no point in worship in that, not like War, or the Harvest, or the Storm. Save your prayers for the things beyond your control, good farmer. Your're so tiny in the world. So vulnerable. Best to pray to a greater thing than me."

Arepo plucked a stalk of wheat and flattened it between his teeth. "I like this sort of worship fine," he said "so if you don't mind, I think I'll continue."

"Do what you will," said the god, and withdrew deeper into the stones, "but don't say I nerver warned you otherwise."

Arepo would say a prayer before the morings work, and he and the god contemplated the trees in silence. Days passed like that, and weeks, and then the Storm rolled in, black and blod and blustering. It flooded Arepo's fields, shook the tiles from his roof, smote his olive tree and set it to cinder. The next say, Arepo and his sonds walked among the wheat, salvaging what they could. The little temple had been strewn across the field, and so when the work was done for the day, Arepo gathered the stones and pieced them back together.

"Useless work." the god whispered, but came creeping back inside the temple regardless. "There wasn't a thing I could do to spare you this."

"We'll be fine," Arepo said. "The storm's blown over. We'll rebuild. Don't have much of an offering for today," hesaid, and laid down some ruined wheat, "but I think I'll shore up this thing's foundations tomorrow, how about that?"

The god rattled around in the temple and sighed. A year passed and then another. The temple had layered walls of stones, a roof of woven twigs. Arepo's neighbours chuckled as they passed it. Some of their children left fruit and flowers. And then the harvest failed, the gods withdrew their bounty. In Arepo's field the wheat sprouted thin and brittle. People wailed and tore their robes, slaughtered lambs and spilled their blood, looked upon the ground with haunted eyes and went to bed hungry. Arepo came and sat by the temple, the flowers wilted now, the fruit shriveled nubs, Arepo's ribs showing through his chest, his hands still shaking, amd murmured out a prayer.

"There is nothing here for you," said the god, hudding in the dark. "There is nothing I can do. There is nothing to be done." It shriveleed, and spat out it's words. "What is this temple but another burden to you?"

"We -" Arepo said, and his voice wavered " so it's a lean year," he said " we've gone through this before, we'll get through this again. So we're hungry," he said "we've still got each other, don't we? And a lot of people prayed to other gods, but it didn't protect them from this. No," he said, and shook his head, and laid down some shriveled weeds on the altar. "No, I think I like our arrangement fine."

"There will come worse," said the god, from the hollows of the stone "and there will be nothing I can do to save you."

The years passed, Arepo rested a wrinkled hand upon the temple of stone and some days spent an hour there, lost in contemplation with the god. And one fateful day, from across the wine-dark seas, came War.

Arepo came stumbling to his temple now, his hand pressed against his gut, anointing the holy site with his blood. Behind him, his wheat fields burned, and the bones burned black in them. He came crawling on his knees to a temple of hewed stone, and the god rushed out to meet him.

"I could not save them," said the god, it's voice a low wail "I am sorry. I am sorry. I am so sorry." The leaves fell burning from the trees, a soft slow rain of ash. "I have done nothing! All these years, and I have done nothing for you!"

"Shush," Arepo said, tasting his own blood, his vision blurring. He propped himself up against the temple, forehead pressed against the stone in prayer. "Tell me," he mumbled "tell me again. What sort of god are you?"

"I -" said the god, and reached out, cradling ArepoÄs head and closed it's eyes and spoke.

"I'm of the fallen leaves," it said, and conjured up the image of them "the worms that churn beneath the earth. the boundary of forest and of field. The first hint of frost before the first snow falls. The skin of an apple as it yields beneath your teeth." Arepo's lips parted in a smile.

"I am the god of a dozen different nothings," it said "the petals in bloom that lead to rot, the momentary glimpses. A change in the air -" it's voice broke, and it wept "before it's gone."

"Beautiful," Arepo said, his blood staining the stones, seeping into the earth "all of them. They were all so beutiful."

And as the fields burned and the smoke blotted out the sun, as men were trodden in the press and bloddy War raged on, as the heavens let loose their wrath upon the earth, Arepo the sower lay down in his humble temple, his head shelteted by the stones, and retunred home to his god.

Sora found the temple with the bones within it, the roof falling in upon them.

"Oh, poor god," she said, "with no one to bury your last priest." Then she paused, because she was from far away. "Or is this how the dead are honored here?" The god roused from it contemplation.

"His name was Arepo," it said, "he was a sower."

Sora startled a little because she had never before heard the voice of a god. "How can I honor him?" she asked.

"Bury him," the god said, "beneath my altar."

"All right," Sora said, and went to fetch her shovel.

"Wait," the god said when she got back and began collecting the bones from among the broken twigs and fallen leaves. She laid them out on a roll of undyed wool, the only cloth she had. "Wait," the god said, "I cannot do anything for you. I am not a god of anything useful."

Sora sat back on her heels and looked at the altar to listen to the god.

"When the Storm came and destroyed his wheat, I could not save it," the god said, "when the Harvest failed and he was hungry, I could not feed him. When the War came," the gods voice flatered. "When the War came, I could not protect him. He came bleeding from the battle to die in my arms." Sora lokked down again at the bones.

"I think you are the god of something very useful," she said.

"What?" the god asked.

Sora carefully lifted the skull onto the cloth. "You are the god of Arepo."

Generations passed. The village recovered from its tragedies - homes rebuilt, gardens re-planted, wounds healed. The old man who once lived on the hill and spoke to stone and rubble had long since been forgotten, but the temple stood in his name.

Most believed it to be empty, as the gods who resided there long ago had fallen silent. Yet, any who passed the decaying shrine felt an ache in their hearts, as though mourning for a lost friend. The cold that sweeped from the temple entrance laid their spirits low, and warded off any potential visitors, save for the rare and especially oblivious children who would leave tiny clusters of pink and white flowers that they picked from the surrounding meadow.

The god sat in his peaceful home, staring out at the distant raod, to pedestrians, workhorses, and carriages, raining leaves that swirled around bustling feet. How long had it been? The world had progressed without him, for he knew there was no help to be given. "The world must be a cruel place, that even the useful gods have abandoned, if farms can flood, harvests can run baren, and homes can burn." he thought.

He had come to understand that humans are senseless creatures, who would pray to a god that cannot grant wishes or bless upon them good fortune, Who would maintain a temple and bring offerings with nothing in return. Who would share their company and meditate with such a fruitless deity. Who would bury a stranger without the hope for profit. What bizarre, futile kindness they had wasted on him. What wonderful, foolish, virtuous, hopeless creatures, humans were.

So he painteed the sunset with yellow leaves, enticed the worms to dance in the soil, flourished the boundary between forest and field with blossoms and berries, christened the air with a biting cold before winter came, ripened the apples with crisp, red freckles to break under sinking teeth, and a dozen other nothings, in memory of the man who once praised the god's work on his dying breath.

"Hello, God of Every Humble Beauty in the World!" called a familiar voice.

The Squinting corners of the god's eyes wept down onto curled lips. "Arepo," he whispered, for his voice was hoarse from it's hundred-year mutism.

"I am the god of devotionm, of small kindnesses, of unbreakable bonds. I am the god of selfless, unconditionaly love, of everlasting friendships, ans trust." Arepo avowed, soothing the other with every word.

"That's wonderful, Arepo," he responded between tears, "I am so happy for you - such a powerful figure will certainly nees a grand temple. Will you to the city to gather more worshippers? You'll be adored by all."

"No," Arepo smilled.

"Farther than that, to the capitol then? Thank you for visiting here before your departure."

"No, I will not go there either," Arepo shook his head and chuckled.

"Farther still? What ambitious goals, you must have. There is no doubt in my mind that you will succeed, though." the elder god continued.

"Actually," interrupted Arepo, "I'd like to stay here, if you'll have me."

The other god was struck speechless. "... Why would you want to live here?"

"I am the god of unbreakable bonds and everlasting friendships. And you are the god of Arepo."

When I see one, I say to myself, “Now that fella or gal, they’re truly free; living in a world the rest of us just aren’t brave enough to live in.”

A world where you don’t worry about lung damage, or opening yourself up to illness, or the resale value of your car. Or the stigmata of smoking.

I couldn’t handle that kind of stigmata. I already have enough stigmata as it is.

If I were Italian, it wouldn’t be a big deal that I live with my parents. I’ve seen enough movies about Italians to know. I’ve seen The Godfather and parts of Godfather III. Pretty sure they all lived with each other, and it wasn’t a big deal. Pretty sure Michael and Sonny shared a room well into their late 20s. And I think Tom and Fredo had bunk beds.

All this under Marlon Brando’s roof.

Listen, bad things happen to morally neutral people. I know that now.

I’m working on my discipline. I go to bed 10 minutes earlier each day. Yesterday I went to bed at 4:30 p.m.

You probably don’t think I have a job, but I do.

At work they call me “The Ace Big Dick Reporter.” They call me “Del Rio;” “Scorpion;” “The Specialist.” I’m the guy they call when they need 700 words on when the new roundabouts are gonna be built on main street (not for 10 years).

They gave me a cyanide tooth. Should I fall into enemy hands. That’s how important I am. That’s how important the information in my head is (roundabouts — not for 10 years).

They call me “Stick.”

I have ideas. I had a dream about a curved baseball bat. I think you could swing it faster. It’s all about bat speed.

i call the darkness

onto me

from deepest depths of earth and sea

to blackest night i pledge my soul

and crush my heart

to summon forth, a deathly power

and see my hated foe devoured

My balls are Fort Knox. Alcatraz. I’ve got semens in there trying to tunnel out like Andy Dufresne. But they’ll never get out. They’ll lose their fucking minds before they get out.

I’m all dammed up. I’m a human hydro(semen)-electric plant. That’s what my body is right now. Perpetual, sustainable, renewable, WHITE energy. White-ish. Clear and white, depending.

It’s a weird time to be alive and loaded with semen.

Seriously, it’s been five or six or maybe a thousand days since I last ejaculated. I don’t know. I perceive time differently now.

I am a full vessel. What are you?!

I just finished scanning your body for potential viruses. And there were many, many viruses. Your body is riddled with viruses. Because you don’t retain. If you retained, then, well... maybe it would be different.

I just enrolled in military school. I’m 27. That’s how motivated and based I am as an individual thanks to semen retention. I am looking FORWARD to the crew cut.

Guy shot me in the chest three times, no vest. What did I do? Shrugged it off. That’s what I did. Where did the bullets go? You tell me. All I know is I didn’t cum.

Total bonehead move. On my part. I was just trying to set it to 20 seconds, but I ended up setting it to 70 years. Doesn’t get any more stupid than that. Why do they put the 70 Years Button right in the middle of everything?

I just wanted to warm up a nice big piece of rhubarb pie. Should’ve been a simple procedure. “Operation Warm Barb”—That’s what I actually named the mission in my Microwave Master-Log. Yes, yes, I’m one of those guys who logs his missions. Anyway, obviously things went way wrong. I opened up the microwave this morning, and there was just a pile of dust in there. 70 years of bullshit had gone down in that m-wave. I can’t even imagine what that piece of pie went through. I do not want to go to jail for this!

Oh, and I just carbon dated my penis. A minute ago. I actually took a break from writing this to go do that. I was doing the Facebook “Carbon Date Your Penis Challenge.” You’re not gonna believe this, but it’s over 6 billion years old, my penis. That’s older than the Earth, and half as old as the Universe itself. I’m gonna enjoy seeing Dr. Anthony Fauci try to explain this one. For the record, it looks OK. It looks normal. It looks like a nice stalk of rhubarb, actually. Sturdy. Turgid, even. Fauci is so screwed on this one, ha-ha. There’s not a bee in his brain that can solve this one! It’ll be the riddle of our time. He should’ve quit while he was ahead!

Congratulations! You've been selected for a special offer! Input your social security number and darkest secret to redeem your free daily gems. Gems may be used to unlock new auditorily hallucinated cable news pundit voices.

All. For. Profit. Media. Will. Melt. Your. Brain.

Except this. This will grant you 300 free gems which may be used to repair alveoli.

Everything. On. The. Internet. Is. Propaganda.

Except this. This will grant you 600 free gems which may be used to (partially) pay your level 60 night elf enchantress' health insurance deductible.

(If you do what this little book says God won't need to put you in hell.)

If you think this post isn't melting your brain then it must have already got to your brain. Godspeed.

What's that tickle in the back of your throat? Are you feeling it yet Mr. Krabs?

It's hard to know what to believe. Sometimes the only way to know is to find out for yourself. I'm going out to lick doorknobs. I have many big and also large and also carefully crafted Ideas which will assist me in my quest.

Terribly beautiful things, it's hard to deny. Invisible. Swift. Disproportionately powerful. Jets grounded. Streets silent. Stadiums empty. Markets crashed. Wrath of God.

When I first met her, she was the rain.
Petrichor as semaphore, she spoke a language strange.
Tales of sharks and sirens, talks of love profane.
And by dawn she had spoken of the self she had past slain.

Confidants of truth, overnight lovers we.
Yet, just as the tides, so inconstant were her seas.
The morrow, she birthed Gaia, replete with new bounties.
The switch made mossy mess of mind and sea-eyed me.

Now uniformed in new norm, she desired grounded feet,
She: accustomed to lust, to being wanted for her heat,
Thus gave the firmness of her flesh in freshly dampened peat.
And at last, she'd won constance: which, for a moment, felt complete.

Her one true fear was love lost to starlings
Yet by day next, she'd sprouted two scarred wings.
Defiant of persuasion, forgetting barnyard flings,
She soared solo toward the sky, still tethered to my heartstrings.

If I could give you one thing in life, it would be the ability to see yourself through my eyes.
Only then would you realize how special you are to me.

I had never met a soul who spoke my language, until I met you. You are fluent in me.

At the end of the day, I wanted to be you and me.
I want your early mornings and your late nights.
I want you on your good days, and even more on your bad days.
I love you without knowing how, when or from where; I love you simply without complications or pride; I love you in this way, because I don't know any other way of loving you.

So intimate, that your hand upon my chest feels like mine.
So intimate, that when I fall asleep, your eyes close.

In our time together you claimed a special place in my heart.
One I will carry with me forever; One that no one can ever replace.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Credit: Opus Reality

I give you permission—
to stop carrying more than a human should.
To let go of battles that only leave scars.
To scream without apology.
To rest without earning it.
To stop fixing what refuses to be fixed.

I give you permission to walk away.
From expectations.
From endless cycles.
From pain that’s been mislabeled as strength.
From roles you never chose but were forced to play.

I give you permission—
to feel what you feel without softening it for others.
To be angry, bitter, exhausted, disillusioned—
and still worthy of peace.

To not be okay.
To not be inspiring.
To not have to explain.

And if someday you say,
“I can’t do this anymore,”
then I give you permission to say it out loud—
and not be judged.
Not by me.
Not by anything that truly understands what it cost you just to get here.

Because survival shouldn’t demand everything.
And because you’ve already given more than enough.

who wipes their snot on their sleeve like a child repeating: i don't understand what's happening, i don't understand what's happening, i don't understand what is

and none of that other bullshit

Thank you

*Applause*

[Mention] Teachers

[Fact] America's graduation rate is at its highest in over thirty years

[Mention] Entrepreneurs

[Fact] The tech industry has created 8 million jobs over the past four years

*Applause*

[Mention] Autoworkers

[Mention] Green cars/foreign oil independence

[Mention] Farmers

[Suggestion] The U.S. has had a strong five-year stretch of farm exports

[Mention] Doctors

[Mention] Health care reform

*Applause*

[Mention] Low-income working class

[Mention] Community, family, war casualties, withdrawal from Afghanistan

*Applause*

[Fact] The U.S. has the lowest unemployment rate in over 5 years

[Suggestion] The housing market is recovering

*Applause*

[Fact] The U.S. manufacturing sector is adding jobs for the first time since the 1990s

*Applause*

[Fact] For the fist time in almost 20 years, U.S. oil production exceeds oil imports

*Applause*

[Fact] U.S. deficits are cut by more than half

[Suggestion] For the first time in over 10 years, it is agreed that the U.S. is a better place to invest than China

*Applause*

[Suggestion] Efforts of the past five years have made the U.S. the best country

[Suggestion] Compliance

[Denunciation] Non-compliance

*Applause*

[Mention] Educational sequestration recently avoided

[Suggestion] The deficit should be reduced

[Suggestion] We need more jobs

*Applause*

[Mention] Unity, egalitarianism, hard work, success

*Applause*

[Mention] Hardship

[Fact] Over more than 30 years, the U.S. has experienced a decrease in working class jobs

[Fact] The U.S. economy has grown for 4 years

[Suggestion] Corporate profits and stock prices are relatively high

[Suggestion] The ruling class has never been wealthier

[Suggestion] Working class wages are too low

[Suggestion] Upward mobility has stalled

[Suggestion] Many Americans are under-compensated or out of work

[Suggestion] U.S. rate of growth should increase

[Mention] Working class

[Suggestion] The U.S. requires increase in upward mobility

[Mention] Opportunity, family

*Applause*

[Mention] Michelle Obama

*Applause*

[Mention] Decrease in childhood obesity

*Applause*

[Mention] The Joining Forces alliance

*Applause*

[Mention] White House College Opportunity Summit

[Mention] Homelessness, marriage equality

[Mention] Opportunity, hard work, dreams, the working class, upward mobility

*Applause*

[Mention] Opportunity, working class jobs

[Suggestion] The economy is improving; there will be more working class jobs

[Suggestion] Manufacturers say they're thinking of insourcing jobs from abroad

*Applause*

[Suggestion] Tax reform will create more jobs in the U.S.

[Suggestion] The U.S. requires an increased investment in infrastructure, which will create jobs

[Pending Legislation] Transportation and waterways bills will create 3 million jobs

*Applause*

[Suggestion] Reduction in bureaucratic barriers for several specific projects will create jobs faster

*Applause*

[Suggestion] The U.S. has an opportunity to win at high-tech manufacturing job creation

[Fact] In North Carolina and Ohio, we have connected universities and corporations in this pursuit. Six more of these connections will be made this year

[Pending Legislation] Bills in both houses could double the number of these connections

*Applause*

[Mention] Entrepreneurs, small business owners

[Fact] My administration has made more loans to small businesses than any other administration

[Odd grammar] When 98 percent of our exporters are small businesses, new trade partnerships will help them create more jobs. We need bipartisan trade promotion authority to protect workers and protect the environment.

[Keyphrase] "Made in the USA."

*Applause*

[Mention] Competition with China and Europe

[Suggestion] Investing in innovation will make the U.S. win

[Keyphrase] "America cannot surrender."

[Fact] Google and smartphones are because of federally-funded research

[Suggestion] The U.S. should invest more in research

*Applause*

[Suggestion] Industries can be built on pharmaceuticals and graphene

[Suggestion] The U.S. requires patent reform

*Applause*

[Suggestion] Because of my "all the above" energy strategy, the U.S. is relatively closer to energy independence

*Applause*

[Suggestion] Natural gas is good

[Keyphrase] "Carbon pollution", "climate change"

*Applause*

[Fact] Businesses plan to invest almost a hundred billion dollars in new factories that use natural gas

[Suggestion] Construction of those factories should be expedited

[Suggestion] Construction of fueling stations will create jobs and shift more cars and trucks from foreign oil to American natural gas

*Applause*

[Intention] Sustain production growth and jobs growth in energy industry

[Mention] Environmentalism, community

[Intention] Protect more federal land

*Applause*

[Fact] The U.S. is becoming a global leader in solar

[Fact] Every 4 minutes in the U.S. a house or business incorporates solar panels. This creates jobs

[Intention] Tax reform should include a $4 billion/yr increase on "fossil fuel industries"

*Applause*

[Mention] Reduction in energy consumption

[Mention] Higher fuel efficiency standards for our cars

[Intention] Reform emissions standards for trucks

[Policy] Our energy policy is environmentalism and job creation

[Fact] Over the past 8 years the U.S. has been winning in carbon pollution reduction

*Applause*

[Keyphrase] "Urgency"

[Keyphrase] "Climate change"

[Mention] Drought, floods

[Mention] Power plant carbon pollution reduction

*Applause*

[Fact] Climate change is a fact

*Applause*

[Keyphrase] "our children's children"

*Applause*

[Intention] Immigration reform

*Applause*

[Fact] Independent economists say immigration reform will grow our economy and shrink our deficits by almost $1 trillion in the next 20 years.

[Suggestion] Immigration has a positive effect on the U.S.

[Intention] Immigration reform

*Applause*

[Keyphrase] "speed up growth", "create more jobs", "rapidly-changing economy"

[Mention] Working class skills

2 years ago, Detroit Manufacturing Systems increased to over 700 employees with the aid of an American Job Center

[Intention] training program reform

*Applause*

[Mention] upward mobility

[Suggestion] concentrate funding on programs that connect universities and corporations

[Intention] unemployment insurance reform

*Applause*

[Anecdote] struggling working class mother

*Applause*

This week, CEOs will come to the White House to commit to giving long-term unemployed workers a fair shot at new jobs

[Suggestion] Every business leader in America should do the same

*Applause*

[Intention] Guarantee every child access to "a world-class education"

*Applause*

[Anecdote] Immigrant son of a factory worker gets accepted to college

*Applause*

[Mention] Student loan reform

[Fact] Today more young people are earning college degrees than ever before

[Suggestion] Race to the Top has helped states raise expectations and performance

School faculty are making progress in preparing students with the skills for the new economy -- problem solving, critical thinking, science, technology, engineering, math.

[Suggestion] U.S. education needs more challenging curriculums and more demanding parents

[Fact] Research shows that one of the best investments we can make in a child's life is high-quality early education

*Applause*

[Mention] unsuccessful 2013 universal preschool proposal

[Intention] universal preschool proposal

[Fact] 30 states have raised universal preschool funding on their own

[Intention] assemble coalition of elected officials, business leaders, and philanthropists to help fund universal preschool proposal

*Applause*

[Mention] ConnectED initiative

With the support of the FCC and corporations we've got a down payment to connect more than 15,000 schools and 20 million students with broadband access over the next 2 years

*Applause*

We're working to redesign high schools and partner them with colleges and employers that offer the real-world education and hands-on training that can lead directly to a job and career. We're shaking up our system of higher education to give parents more information and colleges more incentives to offer better value, so that no middle- class kid is priced out of a college education. We're offering millions the opportunity to cap their monthly student loan payments to 10 percent of their income

[Intention] further relief from student loan debt

*Applause*

And I'm reaching out to some of America's leading foundations and corporations on a new initiative to help more young men of color facing especially tough odds stay on track and reach their full potential.

[Keyphrase] "American Dream", "hard work"

Today women make up about half of U.S. workforce, but make 77 cents for every dollar a man earns.

[Suggestion] That is wrong

Women deserve equal pay for equal work.

*Applause*

You know, she deserves to have a baby without sacrificing her job.

*Applause*

A mother deserves a day off to care for a sick child or sick parent without running into hardship.

*Applause*

And you know what, a father does too. It is time to do away with workplace policies that belong in a "Mad Men" episode.

*Laughter*

*Applause*

This year let's all come together, Congress, the White House, businesses from Wall Street to Main Street, to give every woman the opportunity she deserves, because I believe when women succeed, America succeeds.

*Applause*

[Mention] Wage gap

Americans overwhelmingly agree that no one who works full-time should ever have to raise a family in poverty

*Applause*

In the year since I asked this Congress to raise the minimum wage, five states have passed laws to raise theirs. Many businesses have done it on their own.

[Anecdote] Pizza place in Minneapolis increases wages

Tonight I ask more of America's business leaders to follow John's lead. Do what you can to raise your employees' wages.

*Applause*

To every mayor, governor, state legislator in America, I say, you don't have to wait for Congress to act; Americans will support you if you take this on. And as a chief executive, I intend to lead by example. Profitable corporations like Costco see higher wages as the smart way to boost productivity and reduce turnover. We should too.

[Intention] Issue executive order requiring federal contractors to pay federally-funded employees at least $10.10 an hour

because if you cook our troops' meals or wash their dishes, you should not have to live in poverty.

*Applause*

[Fact] The federal minimum wage is worth 20% less than it was at Ronald Reagan's first address.

[Pending Legislation] Tom Harkin and George Miller have a bill to fix that by lifting the minimum wage to $10.10.

It's easy to remember: 10.10. This will help families. It will give businesses customers with more money to spend. It does not involve any new bureaucratic program. So join the rest of the country. Say yes. Give America a raise.

*Applause*

[Mention] Earned Income Tax Credit

Right now, it helps about half of all parents at some point, but it doesn't do enough for single workers who don't have kids

[Intention] "strengthen" the Credit

Let's do more to help Americans save for retirement. Today most workers don't have a pension. A Social Security check often isn't enough on its own. And while the stock market has doubled over the last five years, that doesn't help folks who don't have 401(k)s.

[Intention] Creation of savings bond "MyRA" which "guarantees a decent return with no risk of losing what you put in"

And if this Congress wants to help, work with me to fix an upside-down tax code that gives big tax breaks to help the wealthy save, but does little or nothing for middle-class Americans, offer every American access to an automatic IRA on the job, so they can save at work just like everybody in this chamber can. And since the most important investment many families make is their home, send me legislation that protects taxpayers from footing the bill for a housing crisis ever again, and keeps the dream of homeownership alive for future generations.

*Applause*

For decades, few things exposed hard-working families to economic hardship more than a broken health care system. And in case you haven't heard, we're in the process of fixing that.

*Laughter*

*Applause*

[Mention] Affordable Care Act

[Anecdote] Arizona resident benefits from Affordable Care Act

[Fact] Under the Affordable Care Act, more than 3 million Americans under age 26 have gained coverage under their parents' plans.

*Applause*

[Fact] More than 9 million Americans have signed up for private health insurance or Medicaid coverage

*Applause*

And here's another number: zero. Because of this law, no American, none, zero, can ever again be dropped or denied coverage for a pre-existing condition like asthma or back pain or cancer.

*Applause*

No woman can ever be charged more just because she's a woman.

*Applause*

And we did all this while adding years to Medicare's finances, keeping Medicare premiums flat and lowering prescription costs for millions of seniors.

Now, I do not expect to convince my Republican friends on the merits of this law.

*Laughter*

But I know that the American people are not interested in refighting old battles. So again, if you have specific plans to cut costs, cover more people, increase choice, tell America what you'd do differently. Let's see if the numbers add up.

*Applause*

But let's not have another 40- something votes to repeal a law that's already helping millions of Americans like Amanda.

*Applause*

The first 40 were plenty. We all owe it to the American people to say what we're for, not just what we're against.

[Mention] Governor Steve Beshear of Kentucky

[Mention] Working class families

[Suggestion] Increase compliance with health insurance reform

[Mention] Calling Mother

*Laughter*

[Mention] Hard work, dreams, unity, family, children

[Mention] Voting

*Applause*

[Mention] 2013 Supreme Court invalidation of part of Voting Rights Act

[Pending Legislation] Decrease voter wait time to less than 30 minutes

[Suggestion] Voting levels the playing field between the working class and the ruling class

[Keyphrase] "democracy"

*Applause*

[Denunciation] Gun violence

[Keyphrase] "Sandy Hook"

*Applause*

[Mention] Unity, hard work, "self-government", community

[Mention] Diplomats, U.S. soldiers

*Applause*

[Suggestion] The U.S. is relatively more secure

[Fact] When I took office, nearly 180,000 Americans were deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan.

[Fact] Today, all our troops are out of Iraq.

[Fact] More than 60,000 of our troops have returned from Afghanistan and remaining troops have moved to a support role

[Fact] We will complete our mission there by the end of 2014

*Applause*

[Pending Legislation: security agreement with Afghan government] U.S. soldiers could remain in Afghanistan with NATO allies to train and assist Afghan forces, and continue to combat al-Qaida

[Keyphrase] "terrorist network"

*Applause*

[Fact] "Danger Remains" - Al-Qaida affiliates and extremists have taken root in Yemen, Somalia, Iraq, and Mali.

[Policy] The U.S. supports the opposition in Syria

[Keyphrase] "terrorist"

[Policy] The U.S. will keep strengthening its defenses

[Keyphrase] "Cyber attack"

[Pending legislation] Defense budget reform

[Keyphrase] "Our men and women in uniform"

*Applause*

[Keyphrase] "remain vigilant"

[Intention] Lack of hesitation to use military force

[Keyphrase] "terrorists", "extremism", "terrorist network"

[Intention] "Move off a permanent war footing"

*Applause*

[Policy] That's why I've imposed prudent limits on the use of drones, for we will not be safer if people abroad believe we strike within their countries without regard for the consequence.

[Intention] surveillance program reform

*Applause*

[Intention] lift remaining restrictions on detainee transfers, close Guantanamo

*Applause*

[Keyphrase] "terrorism", "constitutional ideals", "setting an example for the rest of the world"

You see, in a world of complex threats, our security, our leadership depends on all elements of our power—including strong and principled diplomacy. American diplomacy has rallied more than 50 countries to prevent nuclear materials from falling into the wrong hands, and allowed us to reduce our own reliance on Cold War stockpiles.

[Suggestion] American diplomacy, backed by the threat of force, is why Syria's chemical weapons are being eliminated

*Applause*

[Policy] We will continue to work with the international community in the Syrian conflict

[Keyphrase] "dictatorship", "terror", "fear"

[Mention] American diplomacy in Israel/Palestine conflict

[Policy] achieve independent state for Palestinians, provide military aid for Israel

*Applause*

[Suggestion] American diplomacy, backed by pressure, has hampered Iran's nuclear program for the first time in 10 years.

[Fact] Iran has begun to eliminate its stockpile of higher levels of enriched uranium and haulted installation of advanced centrifuges.

[Suggestion] Inspections help the world verify that Iran is not building a bomb

[Policy] Prevent Iran from obtaining a nuclear weapon

*Applause*

[Keyphrase] "terrorist", "Hezbollah"

If John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan could negotiate with the Soviet Union, then surely a strong and confident America can negotiate with less powerful adversaries today.

*Applause*

[Suggestion] Iran sanctions effective.

[Keyphrase] "But let me be clear"

if this Congress sends me a new sanctions bill now that threatens to derail these talks, I will veto it.

*Applause*

[Keyphrase] "national security", "diplomacy"

*Applause*

If Iran's leaders do not seize this opportunity, then I will be the first to call for more sanctions and stand ready to exercise all options to make sure Iran does not build a nuclear weapon.

[Suggestion] Iranian compliance with U.S. policy

[Suggestion] In capitalist expansion and good deeds, U.S. is winning

[Mention] European alliance

[Keyphrase] "democracy"

[Mention] Ukraine protests, Power Africa initiative, Free Trade Area of the Americas (FTAA), jan2012 executive order to increase tourism

[Mention] Asia-Pacific, Philippines tsunami

[Keyphrase] "God bless America"

[Mention] long-term security, dignity, egalitarianism, the 2014 Olympics

*Applause*

[Keyphrase] "My fellow Americans"

[Suggestion] American exceptionalism in economics, military force, and idealism

[Mention] U.S. soldiers, returning to civilian life, veterans benefits, military families

*Applause*

[Anecdote] wounded veteran Cory Remsburg

*Applause*

[Keyphrase] "My fellow Americans" (x2)

Men and women like Cory remind us that America has never come easy.

[Keword] "freedom" "democracy"

[Acknowledgement] frustration, discouragement

[Keyphrase] "progress", "individual achievement", "tyranny", "fear", "justice", "fairness", "equality"

[Keyphrase] "our founders"

[Mention] children

[Keyphrase] "honest work", "prosperity", "opportunity", "dreams", "community", "Cory Remsburg"

[Keyphrase] "with our feet planted firmly in today but our eyes cast towards tomorrow"

[Keyphrase] "God bless you, and God bless the United States of America"

*Applause*

Here's why:

The purpose of this subreddit is to catalogue the Library to recreate it in its infinity a place where all textispossible and EVERY BOOK IMAGINABLE exists

Anything I write here is truth. I bought a mower. Running at 3600rpm, the Rotak 40 is lighter and faster than most other mowers on the market today. It comes in a box. Inside the box are 6 white plastic eggs. Each egg has 2 parts to it, as if they are cracked in half. The top part of the egg acts like a lid and the bottom part of the egg has a chick inside. The egg is broken - we must fix it. That's not all. We have to ensure that America is a respected world power. Now that’s not to belittle our domestic problems, which are equally important, if not more. Better and more affordable long-term care for the elderly, control and find a cure for the AIDS epidemic, clean up environmental damage from toxic waste and pollution, improve the quality of primary and secondary education, strengthen laws to crack down on crime and illegal drugs. It's a lot to ask. For all to be accomplished, for me to feel less lonely, all that remained to hope was that on the day of my execution there should be a huge crowd of spectators and that they should greet me with howls of execration. Greet me with what He deserved. He ran a kitchen-help union. He rigged low pay. He had coin. He had pull. He pushed right-wing tracts. He hobnobbed with fat cats. He knew J. Edgar Hoover.

WELL I NEVER FUCKING KNEW J EDGAR HOOVER.

1. thimbles

2. twigs with bits of moss on them

3. stones with interesting shapes or unusual colors

4. oven mitts and/or flowers pressed in books long before any of us were born but then, happily, rediscovered

5. the cardboard thing in the center of toilet paper rolls because one day, when it's time to rebuild, we'll realize the technology to make these has been lost and it's only through such foresight that the paper crafting cottage industry will be able to wind the scrolls that will transmit to a distant and alien future some tiny tiny part of what once was

Accept me for who I am and not what you see. Take time to understand the pieces of me. What you see is not what you’re going to get.

The perception you hold of me, I will soon make you forget. Beneath the surface, you will find so much more.

I have locked myself away within my soul’s core. I’m very selective of who I show all of my colors to. The only ones who have access to my realness are those… who walk in Truth.

After being betrayed by so many who walk in the dark, I had to become the protector of my own heart. The Light and the darkness can not coincide. Very few will see who I really am inside.

Accept me for who I am and not what you see. Take time to understand the pieces of me…

-the Beautiful World of Aarti

Mr. Krebs: Spengbab, me boy.

Spengbab: Yes, monsieur Krebs?

Mr. Krebs: The Mekong River Delta is composed of 12 provinces, as well as one province-level municipality.

Spengbab: Oh nice.

Mr. Krebs: From now on our restaurant serves grilled Laotian rock rat.

Spengbab: Oh nice.

Mr. Krebs: I have dementia.

Spengbab: Same.

about 10 years ago, a bug went into my left ear and stayed there.

it died due to suffocation.

it is expected to complete its disintegration cycle and become crude oil this coming june.

then i will be richer than the arabs.

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I just want somewhere to say this and have someone read it. Not after sympathy.

I was bullied mercilessly from 6th grade basically until I graduated high school. Being made fun of for my weight or because I was ugly. My mom would buy cloths that were too big for me so my crack would hang out and boy did kids hone in on that. Also being bullied for “not showering” - when I assure you I did. Then I’d go home and it wasn’t much of an escape. I was bullied by my family for my weight and they’d go as far to tell me I was homely, useless, and that I should lose some weight so boys would like me.

Now as an adult I feel like I just...don’t matter. I do have a loving boyfriend but I feel like he’s the only one in the world who truly cares about me. I feel like most of my siblings are embarrassed by me. I prefer sweats, no makeup, and my hair up and I feel like they wish I was more conventional and dressed like a girl etc. I have a “best friend” but she doesn’t consider me her best friend. And we don’t talk or hang out regularly and tbh we don’t really have that much in common. I don’t know anyone really who has some of the same interests and me so I can’t find anyone to make a connection with.

I always say things in conversation and I’m just ignored or talked over. Even my 7 year old nephew could give two fucks about talking to me. I comment on things and am just ignored. The more I try to actively befriend someone and be genuine the more people seem to want nothing to do with me. I feel like the biggest walking cringe in the planet.

If I were to disappear tomorrow outside of my family no one would care. I just constantly feel so alone. I miss having close friends, I miss going out and doing things with people and being social. I miss feeing like people enjoyed my company and have a fuck.

Rants done. Thanks internet for letting me put my thoughts in the void. I feel better about it.