Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/dm9u5q/my_stepdaughter_wants_me_to_have_an_abortion_and/

Sorry for the lack of update - I really didn't think that many people would find my situation that interesting, considering the bullshit so many folks on this sub deal with. And the last few months have been kind of cruddy. Was that really just late October...?

As my story was last left, I'm 35 and find myself pregnant with a very wanted surprise baby after many years of infertility. I have a rough relationship with my MIL and two adult stepchildren. My stepdaughter finds out I'm pregnant, flips her shit, and tells me I need to abort it. My husband, apparently, agrees after hearing her opinion. I left to stay at my parents' house and hadn't heard from my husband in 3 days.

To be honest, I didn't want to see my husband at all. I had no desire after his "confession." My radical act of self-care was ensconcing myself in my childhood bedroom, eating lots of potato chips and watching too much Animal Planet. My parents, at least, were absolutely delighted over the pregnancy. I'm an only child and my mom had always wanted more but had infertility problems, too. They went with me to my first ultrasound. They cried with me. They bought me a cake. My dad carved a little pumpkin with an amorphous blob on it that looked suspiciously like that weird, amazing amorphous blob on the sonogram screen. It was sweet.

The day after the scheduled ultrasound and about 2 weeks of radio silence, I received a text from my husband saying that we need to talk and I advised him that he could come talk to me in person. We chose to meet at a neutral public location as my parents didn't really want his face darkening their doorstep, and I agreed because I didn't want him tracking figurative shit all over my safe place.

So, we talked - or rather, I talked. I informed him of how hurt I was, mostly by his agreement with SD; he said he understood. I informed him that I would not be aborting for the comfort of an overgrown toddler; he nodded his head sagely. I informed him how the ultrasound went; he looked interested. I informed him that he and his children would be moving out of my house within 30 days; he was...somewhat less in agreement of this point.

Dear reader, I honestly had no fucks to give at this point. He had let me stew for days and DAYS by myself. I'm not sure if his tactic was to let me suck myself into an anxiety vortex, as I'm wont to do, and come crying back, as I have before. Just...no more. I can only assume those days I spent buried beneath blankets served as a chrysalis because I was not the same person when I went out as when I went in.

I wanted them out of my house. The house that I bought before our marriage, the house that was in only my name. Those bricks were designed to hold happiness, not petty comments and miserable people disguising their own black hearts with my tendency to see the best in them. It was mine, and, as selfish as I'm sure someone will tell me it is, it was mine alone to fill as I chose. And I no longer chose them.

I wish I could say that my story ends with me happily getting fat and filling up a nursery with baby things, but it's not that kind of story. Around the time my husband and his kids moved their last box out, an ultrasound confirmed that my baby didn't survive. To say I was devastated would be an understatement, but at least I had my own space to grieve. Not only for my baby but for the family and marriage that had been my life for almost 15 years.

I'm going to be okay. I am okay. I am also sad and discouraged and more than a little hollow, but I'm no longer held down by 300+ pounds of dead weight in my home.

Thanks to everyone that reached out to me. Thanks for the advice. Thanks for making me laugh by accusing me of being a misandrist harpy and assuming I was going to run to the closest Planned Parenthood drive-thru. Thanks for being kind. Thanks for being angry. Thanks for understanding.

Thanks for listening.

If you didn’t read my previous post, a link: https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/eqzca0/my_husband_wants_me_to_give_his_daughter_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Update: it is a short one but

My ex husband and I decided to go on a week trip to my daughter favorite place on earth, spread her ashes, and just reminisce about our baby girl. My husband did not like this and essentially blew up, told me I was his wife and anything I did he had to approve. When we get back from our trip I will be taking my things and looking for an apartment and a divorce lawyer.

Many people recommended instead of donating to a charity we start a scholarship for a major my daughter would have loved. My daughters father and I have been discussing it, and that’s an idea we both like and think would honor her greatly.

Thank you all for your loving messages and support. Life is hard, but i appreciate the love internet strangers can give you in your time of need.

Hopefully this will be the only update I give as I will no longer have a jnso.

Edit: I’ve gotten at least 4 messages asking so

No I didn’t fuck my ex husband. I have no plans to.

We were comfortable enough to go on a trip together because we’re friends. I had my daughter at 17. We were young and stupid. But he is still my friend and since I birthed a child from him, sharing a hotel room is not a big deal. Please stop asking.

Trigger warning: Child pornography and predatory behavior towards children*

So if you've been following my story you know that it's been a long time coming, but today was the day!

The abbreviated version of the story is as follows: In January, I found a video on my husband's tablet from a hidden camera in our bathroom that showed my 14 year old niece nude. I called police and immediately turned it over. We seperated that day and I got a protective order covering me, our 5 year old, and the other members of our household.

The coronavirus put a hold on everything and I have been very stressed that we would have court for custody before he was charged. Today my waiting ended!!! He was indicted on 12 felony counts related to the production and possession of child pornography. He was arrested this afternoon and denied bond.

I am so relieved. I feel like I can finally breathe again. He is having to face his actions and people are seeing who he really is. I hope he has lots of fun tonight.

Thank you to all of yall that have supported me through this whole thing. It's not over yet, but it is headimg in the right direction.

ORIGINAL POST - UPDATE POST

Because I've gotten a few messages recently asking for an update, I thought I'd sent one out into the universe to hopefully close the book on my story. At least, as far as Reddit is concerned. It's been about 2.5 years since I last posted and, as it goes, a lot has happened between point A and point B.

After I unceremoniously kicked my husband his two children to the curb, they moved back in with my then-MIL. She was a controlling, cold person who enjoyed nothing more than puppeteering her children and grandchildren with an open hand full of money, all the while hiding a closed fist full of anger and resentment behind her back. Despite knowing this very well, all three moved back in with MIL.

She died 8 weeks later.

I found it darkly ironic, since if she'd shuffled off of this mortal coil at any other point in our 15 year relationship, we might still be married today. Or maybe not. But I find it very telling that whenever I tell a curious acquaintance that she died, about the nicest thing anybody can muster is, "Well, bless her heart" in a very Southern sort of way.

As far as I know, my ex-husband and his kids are still living in that same house, as it's now his. According to his Facebook - while I will shamelessly admit to checking from time to time - he's had a few relationships but nothing seems to stick. Gee, I wonder why. After all, they're such a lovely bunch!

Since the children were adults and we had little in the way of co-mingled assets, our divorce was declared legal almost a year to the day after I filed. I'd honestly expected my ex to put up more of a fight, but it seems that his mother's death took it out of him. I guess I can't say that she never did anything good for me!

After all of this, I had no desire to seek another relationship. I was happy licking my own wounds alone, trying to piece together where, exactly, it all went so sideways. The universe seemed to have other plans when I randomly ran into my ex-boyfriend at the grocery store about a month before my divorce was finalized.

When I say "ex," keep in mind that our relationship was one of those insanely emotional teenaged love affairs where all of the memories are carefully wrapped in a gauzy filter. We were one another's first everythings and broke up due to life and college. There was no big blowup or cheating or anger, just growing up. It was a heartbreaking split but you tend to be very different at 21 than 16, and our lives were taking us in opposite directions.

At any rate, we saw one another for the first time in 15 years over a pile of slightly underripe avocados. He was still tall and perhaps even more handsome in the unfair way that some men age, but he was still very much himself. We decided to meet up for dinner while he was in town visiting his parents because he works abroad.

That meetup turned into a sleepover, I'm not ashamed to say. We went through a box of Trojans at a respectable clip for two people on the downhill slide to 40. It was comfortable and lovely and I thought it was a nice final chapter to the previous story we'd written. We parted ways again as friends.

And then 8 weeks later I saw two little pink lines on a dollar store pregnancy test.

Only this one decided to stick around.

So now I chase my growing way-too-fast kid around, and we Facetime with her father at least once a day. No, we're not together, but we co-parent well. He's a wonderful man and a great dad; it may be unconventional by some standards but it works for us, and he plans to move back once his contract is up next year. Needless to say, my ex-husband grandly accused me of cheating on him or throwing him aside for an old flame, but by the time he found out about the baby, the ink was long dry on our divorce so his blustering amounted to no more than some angry, drunken texts and likely some hungover mornings for him. I wish him nothing more than all the happiness he brought me.

So I think that's where I'll end this for now, since my daughter is due to wake up from her nap and we're going to the park this afternoon. It'll be a good day.

As an aside, my cousin sent me a screenshot of my stepdaughter's Instagram a few days ago. Apparently, she's been wholeheartedly celebrating the Supreme Court's decision concerning Roe vs. Wade. Imagine that. Bless her heart.

I don't really have a lot of people in my life right now, but I hope that you all can enjoy this small victory with me.

My ex and I were together for 4 years. I was actually out shopping for an engagement ring the day I found out she'd been cheating on me. Turns out she'd been with the guy for 6 months and he had just found out about me around the time I found out about him. He gave her an ultimatum and she chose him. I was devastated, but there is no way I can be with a cheater so I spent the next month and change taking extra shifts and increasing my gym time to try and get my mind off of her. Blocked her and her family as they are awful people anyway.

Things were quiet until I got a text from an unknown number. It's my ex saying she is pregnant and that I'm the father. I don't believe her, but better safe than sorry for my potential child's sake I offer to get a paternity test done. She refuses stating that he and I were the only men she'd been with for years and he had already tested negative so it HAD to be mine. I keep insisting that we get the test done and after a lot of back and forth and she says she will schedule one and that we should meet up beforehand and then head to the clinic to get the test done. I agree because she finally accepted getting the test done.

So we meet up at a coffee shop near the clinic. I am expecting a talk about what the next steps are if I end up being the father. Instead she tries to turn the conversation into a talk about the good ol days when we were together and a bunch of nostalgic stories. I keep trying to steer the conversation back to the child and the test, but she keeps going back to relationship talk about how she misses what we had. I'm freaking out about the potential child I have to take care of so I don't realize what she is doing at the time trying to get me to take her back. It comes time for us to go to the clinic and she starts asking me if I have plans for the day and if I want to go get a bite and hang out at her place for a bit. I respond that my only plans for the day are to get her to the clinic so we can get our paternity test done and figure out what to do after that. I just want to get this shit over with. Not take a walk down memory lane you know?

Well then she excuses herself to go to the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later saying that the clinic called and had to reschedule. I asked her if she was lying and she said no that they had called while she was in the bathroom. So I started to dial the clinic and she freaked out and admitted she had never actually made the appointment. It is at this moment that all doubt about the paternity of the child vanished. I pressed her for the truth and she finally broke down and told me.

New boyfriend was confirmed to be the father from a paternity test. Once he found out he ghosted her and she has been unable to locate him. Freaking out she told her mother who told her the best course of action would be to talk to me about being the baby's father as I'm "an upstanding man who will do what is right and raise this child!" Said by the woman who once told me she'd rather die than invite me into their family.

So anyway after getting the truth, or at least some of it, out of her I got up and left without another word. Got home and have been on the receiving end of hundreds of messages from my ex, her family, and her friends all making new accounts to message me to beg me to take her back, calling me an asshole for abandoning her, and one guy who just keeps sending me dick pics which I find absolutely hilarious.

Thank you to anyone who made it through my rambling and retelling of these events. Honestly walking away from her and finally realizing I'm better off without her has been such a freeing feeling and I hope I can hold on to that feeling for awhile because I needed this.

I broke up with him last night. He's been pretty immature the whole relationship but last night took the cake.

I've been unable to have vaginal intercourse for the past two months due to some gynecological issues. I had to stop having any kind of sex with him though because he was disrespecting some of my boundaries regarding anal (don't finish inside) and oral (don't jam it down my throat). So of course he hasn't been handling the constant sexual rejection well because he basically has the eq of a toddler.

Last night after I rejected him yet again he actually started crying. I know this is what he was crying about because he was happy all day and immediately started crying after I told him no. He also has a history of emotionally manipulating me this way. When I called him out for crying basically saying he brought this on himself by not respecting my boundaries he called me selfish and said I make everything about myself and that he was actually crying because a week from now is the anniversary of his grandmother's death.

He went on a long winded speech about how I am so self centered and only think about myself and if I paid any attention to him I'd know he was crying about his grandma. But of course I forgot all about that because I only think about myself. He was clearly manipulating me.

The only problem is....he was saying all this to me on the actual date my mom passed...well the date that I found her decomposing body and was traumatized for months. Mind you, he hadn't said anything to me about it or asked me if I was ok or anything all day.

The look on his face when I gently reminded him of that fact.

When you try to manipulate someone into feeling bad for you, try to make sure they can't actually one-up you in the woe is me department.

I'll try to keep this brief and not word-vomit an entire novel.

My husband and I have been together for 14 years. He's 9 years older than me and has two kids from his first marriage, 23 and 20. Despite wanting it, I've never been able to carry a baby to term. 1 miscarriage several year ago, near the beginning of our marriage, and nothing since. No rhyme or reason for it, and my husband and I have come to terms with the fact that we won't add to the family. I was sad but it is but things have been tough financially the last few years, so I consoled myself that it's for the best.

Until, SURPRISE - the week before my 35th birthday, I realize my period is late. I get a positive test and I'm honestly over the moon, if you'll excuse the cliche. My husband is excited but wants us to wait to tell the family, which I agree with. I know the statistics and I don't want to have to be fielding constant questions if I miscarry.

Both of my stepkids are what you might call "failure to launch." Neither have went to college and seem happy living at home or with my MIL, who's much more permissive than I am. My drama with my MIL could fill a whole r/JustNoMIL database but I won't focus on that other than to say that when I first became engaged to my now-husband, I made it clear that I loved the kids and wanted to be a good mom. In retaliation to the first (and only) time my stepson called me "mom," MIL ignited a campaign of terror against me, using the kids as a weapon. Among other things, she paid them $10 every time they said something mean to me...and bragged about it to the rest of the family. So the relationship I have with them has been definitely strained at times and we missed a lot of years of bonding, but it's improved as they've gotten older and floated outside of her sphere of direct influence. I know they'll never see me as their mom at this point but I'm happy with the relationship we've managed to scrape together despite it all. Or at least I WAS happy with it.

So here I am, pregnant, happy, and planning a new piece to our life that I hadn't dared to hope for in 5 or 6 years. I let myself dream a little and go to a baby store where I cry a little bit and end up buying a soft gray blanket and a tiny pair of shoes.

Later that same day, I had to unexpectedly pick my stepdaughter up from work. Cool, fine, no big deal. I stopped to get gas and when I come back out, she's giving me the weirdest look. "So...are you like...pregnant or something?" She dug into the bag when I was out of the car. I could've lied easily and said it was for a friend, but why would I want to lie about it? I asked her if she could keep a secret, she promised she could, and I confirmed.

Needless to say, it wasn't the happiest of responses. She just said, "Oh. Wow. That's, uh, weird," and was quiet the rest of the ride home. To say I was a bit deflated was an understatement but SHE doesn't necessarily have to be happy about it. Me and my husband still can be, all on our own. Even if nobody else celebrates, WE can.

A few days later and everything else is going along just fine. I'm counting down the days until the ultrasound, everything seems good...until my stepson decides to show me a chat between him and my stepdaughter where she was talking about how gross it is that I'm pregnant, it's embarrassing, everybody's going to assume it's actually her kid when we're out together (??) and just general...not very nice things.

When she's back home later, I come out to talk to her while she's watching TV with my husband. I'm trying to be chill but my brain is going a million miles a minute. I asked her how she felt about the baby and she responded with an eye roll. I ask again, and tell her that I really want to know because it impacts her life, too. She's starting to get irritated with me - she says she's tired and had a long day and could I just drop it? Maybe this is where I misstepped but, no, I can't drop it now. I keep asking her to talk, she keeps refusing, until she finally decides to drop a bomb:

"YOU SHOULD JUST GET AN ABORTION BECAUSE THIS WHOLE THING IS FUCKING WEIRD."

Honestly, I'm kind of shocked at this point. I knew that she wasn't delighted but, damn, that's a whole 'nother level. It was like getting smacked in the face with a sock full of nickles. I start crying, thanked her for being honest like an idiot, and then leave the room. A little while later, my husband comes into the room where I'm sobbing my guts out. I assume he's going to try to comfort me or at least give me more context to soften the blow, which he does a lot when one of the kids say something awful to me. He sits down, puts his arm around me, and opens with:

"Maybe we should consider it."

Come again?? The fuck did you just say?

He must see murder in my eyes because he rushes on with how happy he is BUT we're not really in the best place financially BUT he just started a new job BUT it's hard enough with the two "kids" already BUT the kids aren't on board BUT BUT BUT.

I told him over my dead body was a baby that I've wanted for 14 fucking years is getting aborted over that. IT'S A MIRACLE BABY, NOT A CONTESTANT TO BE VOTED OFF THE ISLAND. I said some other things that I'm not proud of, stuffed some clothes in a bag, and came to my parents' house. I've been here for 3 days now and NOBODY has reached out to me. Not a fucking peep.

I just don't even know where to go from here. I feel like I'm surrounded by insane people that are all just looking out for their own interests... At least my parents are excited, I guess. I can't say that I am anymore.

I’m (31F) sitting here flabbergasted.

A few months ago I started using Flex menstrual discs and have loved them. They have decreased my cramping and just helped overall. Two weeks ago, my husband (38M) brought them up in conversation. He told me that my vagina was loose from having our three children, and that he felt uncomfortable with me using anything in my vaginal canal because he felt they’d cause it to become looser than what it was. I told him he was being inconsiderate and irrational, and it was my body and I’d do what I pleased. I thought the conversation was over, however, this week when my period started I realized the discs where missing. I thought maybe one of my kids knocked them into the bin and threw them out without realizing, (they handle bathroom chores and emptying the bins.)

I thought no big deal and I went out and bought more. I just received a call from a very angry husband, asking me “so you’re going to use those anyways, even though I told you not to?”

He threw them out. I am at work and in shock. He angrily hung up on me, and I’ve got no desire to call him back.

I gave birth via caesarean 7 days ago.

I stayed in hospital for 5 days, husband visited ONCE on day four!

When he showed up he was hungover because he was “celebrating with his mate”

My sister spent all of day 5 with me and took me home too.

Husband showed up day 6,1am.

I told my sister to lock him out and text him to “sleep on the road”

I just can’t stand looking at him right now and I kind of hate him right now

Am I overreacting?

I left my husband alone for 6 days with our dog and cats while I traveled out of state. The state of our apartment now at my return is about to give me a mental breakdown, because I am a usually a neat freak as it is... There was a foot of garbage coating every countertop - apparently the trash can was full when I left, so instead of taking the trash out he just threw the trash all over the counters. He never cleaned the litter boxes, and there is cat shit all over the floor because the cats pooped on the piles of litter that were spilled around the litter box. My nice, expensive $50 towel I just bought was IN the filthy litter box (he said the cat was trying to bury his poop with it... why was my towel on the floor in the first place?). I hadn't slept in 48 hours, so I went and laid in the bed... and it was wet. I asked him why it was wet. He forgot to mention that the dog peed on the bed (for GOD knows what reason she has never done that before??) and he decided to let it fester for 24 hours while he played video games instead of cleaning it up. So I cleaned it up while he continued playing video games. Also, multiple full rolls of toilet paper were sitting among the garbage pile. Why? Because he peed on the toilet seat, and instead of cleaning it up with a couple squares of toilet paper, he took ENTIRE rolls of toilet paper out of the package, wiped the roll horizontally across the toilet seat, and then tossed the entire thing. As if every single fucking grocery store isn't out of toilet paper as it is. Who the fuck does that? AND YET THERE IS STILL PISS ON THE TOILET SEAT! So there is piss on the toilet, piss on the bed, and both metaphorical and literal shit all over the fucking place. It smells so bad it makes me gag.

I wish I was making this shit up. I never thought I'd be the type of person who would leave someone over chores, but I am so utterly repulsed by him and our disgusting unlivable home that I have no choice. I know this is so absolutely fucking ridiculous that it sounds like fiction. Mods, I can provide private photo proof if anybody cares for verification. Because I am sooo serious. And just too exhausted to do anything other than wait for the bedsheets to finish washing so I can finally fall asleep. Am I being too hasty, because I am seriously considering divorce over my husband's selfish, revolting habits. This just feels like the last straw.

Some of you may know me from r/JustNoMIL. For those who do, I only have to say two words; Mental Granny. For those who don’t, here is the run down of my life.

Basically, I’m 28, D(previously dear, now dumbass, dickhead, dipshit)husband is 30. We have a 9 y/o DS, 4 y/o triplet girls (identical & a fraternal), and I’m currently pregnant with baby #5, 8 weeks.

Not too long ago, before I was pregnant again, we mentioned the possibility of another baby to DH’s mom. It was an offhand comment to the effect of, “if we have more kids, we’d do x instead of y” and MIL took it to heart. She announced to our kids that I was pregnant, right before she dropped them off at home so I could deal with the aftermath! I was mad for a variety of reasons, but mainly that I didn’t know if or when we would have another kid. The birth of the triplets was traumatic for me, and everyone else, and it was only within the last year I started to feel like myself again.

So we told people we weren’t expecting, and she then told people I was having fertility issues. So we confronted her, and she made a FB post about the situation and how sad she was. I figured whatever, she can be a kid. Not my problem.

A week or so later, H’s best friend from college passed away in a car accident. His wife is my best friend, and so we went to help with funeral plans and such. DH has known his friend since early childhood, so understandably he took it hard, and was there to support the family. While I didn’t want to, we asked MIL to watch our kids.

She told them we were dead. Check my post history for the long version. When we made sure she was medically sound, we proceeded with charges (it’s a felony to cause intentional emotional distress to a child) and she decided to sue us for emotional distress. She is now in prison, and DH was swindled into going to see her, which brings us to now.

Basically, DH came back feeling sorry for MIL and was all “she doesnt deserve to be in prison getting beat up” (which, fyi, she wasn’t... she was in PC so she wouldn’t be beat up) and I’m hardcore on these charges. I almost clapped when this bitch didn’t get bail. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife.

Anyway, at the bail hearing DH saw MiL without two black eyes she claimed she had, and was “disappointed” in her. We had a fight where I told him to grow a pair and he has since decided he’s my oldest son, instead of our nine year old.

Clearly being the more mature one in the relationship, I tried to suck it up and make up with my man baby husband. I probably only did more damage but damn these pregnancy hormones aren’t making it any easier to be nice. The argument ended with DH telling ME THAT IT WAS MY FAULT MIL DID ALL THIS ANYWAY.

We were driving when he said that, and I lost it on him. Poor guy had no escape. I brought up every little moment from his childhood, every little thing I’ve done for him so far, our kids, and told him that if HE wants her in our life than HE can stay here where mommy is while the rest of us go three states away where we’re planning to move by the end of the summer.

And then he had the audacity to tell me that he would BRING THE KIDS TO SEE MIL. I was pretty much done at that point, and told him the only time our kids would see MiL again was if I was dead. I can’t believe him. I can’t believe this shit.

Hi everyone! I’m so grateful for all of the advice given to me. I read each and every comment and I cried at most of them because of how accurate they were to my situation.

I gave myself a big long pep talk about how I have no obligation to him, I don’t owe him anything, there is nothing I get from him that I can’t get from someone else, etc.

I was planning on ending things this weekend but we had another little argument while I was at work. It was basically about me being so distant. I told him that it’s been weighing on me lately all of the names he’s called me in the past and all of the mean stuff he’s done to me.

He literally said “if you can’t get over it then leave me”

So I said “okay.”

And then I guess he didn’t realize the “okay” mean like yeah we should break up. So he was like “so what do you want?” And I said “we should break up.”

I’ve never threatened to break up with him, but he’s always threatened to break up with me over small stuff so I don’t think he really took me seriously. I left work early and continued to talk to him about it and said he could stay here until he found a place, and that obviously I’m keeping our pet because I’m the one who had him and kept him before we even moved in together.

He kept blaming and deflecting the whole time and it all kind of confirmed to me exactly why I’m breaking up with him. He even accused me of cheating lmao. He ended up leaving to go to his moms house and then came back an hour later and then actually apologized and broke down. The whole time even while apologizing he is still shifting blame. He said “you want someone perfect, but nobody is perfect. If I wanted perfect I would’ve left you a long time ago” which um ouch lmao, but he saw that as some type of compliment apparently?

He offered couples counseling, he begged for another chance, he said he had no idea how hurt I was, he said he didn’t think I was serious before, he said if he would’ve known I was going to break up with him over it he would’ve done it to begin with.

I said that I offered couples counseling many times throughout our relationship when I’ve felt at my lowest and broken down, and he always would tell me that couples counseling is a waste of time and he’d rather just break up. I said that I’ve always accused him of not taking me seriously throughout the relationship and this whole breakup just confirms that for me. I said that it shouldn’t take a break up for him to want to do these things, he should’ve just done it to make me happy.

I know it sounds kind of mean to say but I honestly really felt some sort of inner peace knowing that our whole relationship, every time I’ve accused him of not taking me seriously, disrespecting me, making me sad, saying mean things to me- I was finally getting justice for all of those things now and sticking up for myself when I should’ve years ago. He always used to make fun of guys who beg for their girlfriends after they break up, and he’d say how stupid they were and call any guy who is overly nice to his girlfriend a “simp”. Then here is he, crying and begging for me to stay with him and suddenly regretting the lack of affection and niceness throughout the years.

He begged me to consider this breakup to just be a break so that we could get back together after. I said no and lastly I reminded him that anytime I’ve ever asked him about a break he says he’d rather just break up with me.

All of these manipulated tactics, the gaslighting, the personal attacks, they all came back to bite him in the ass last night and I honestly loved all of it. I loved knowing that I was truly sticking up for myself and removing myself from such a horribly toxic and unhealthy situation.

I told him he should get personal counseling and work on himself. He’s still staying here for the meantime, I didn’t want to add insult to injury and kick him out with nowhere to go. We have two bedrooms so we’re both just going to kinda hang out in our own spaces until we can figure something out. I said that while he’s staying here things are going to be completely different, we’re essentially roommates. We’re not going to talk unless it’s necessary, no hanging out, no anything. I’m going to look at apartments and probably just move out on my own in the next couple weeks. He is still basically in a mix of shock and denial and keeps telling me he’ll prove it to me but I’m standing firm.

He had the audacity to ask if we can still have sex. LOL n o.

TLDR: finally broke up with my toxic and verbally abusive boyfriend of 7 years, I feel genuinely happy and already feel so much better. Right now we have to figure out the living situation and decide who is moving out.

ORIGINAL POST: https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/hkvvu4/my_boyfriend_found_out_about_my_raise/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

I posted this about 8 months ago and I wanted to post an update, because I'm currently making my moves to get out of this situation, and I want to do whatever I can to keep myself from chickening out.

Long story short, my boyfriend is a literal man-child that is complacent with me supporting the both of us single-handedly; and I harbor a lot of resentment because we have been living like this for years, and he has any and every excuse for why he is jobless.

For the past few months, I have been casually looking at apartments. And every time, I would select a few to go look at, he would mentally beat me down and I would chicken out. Then, he would piss me off and I would start my search all over again, and the cycle would continue.

But it has gotten to a point where I can no longer stand to be around him. My behavior towards him has become incredibly toxic, and I hate the person that I've become.

It's fucked up the work has become my escape from this relationship. It's gotten to the point where I would rather stay at work as long as I can rather than go home and be around him.

I'm not going to lie, I've thought about cheating. And I've had opportunities. And I'm ashamed that thoughts like that even crossed my mind.

This isn't the person I want to be. This isn't who I am.

That's when it finally hit me that I really need to go. I've always known this in the back of my mind, but I never realized how much it was truly negatively affecting me until I started to lose my sense of integrity.

I don't deserve to be this unhappy, and despite the fact that he is an entitled asshole, he doesn't deserve the toxicity I've been giving him.

I've realized that I have only been holding out, not to spare his feelings, but to spare my own. I have been so afraid of dealing with the grief and guilt of leaving, I haven't been honest with him for probably years. It's incredibly selfish of me.

I do care about him, he's been in my life for such a long time. I loved him with my entire heart and soul. I gave him so much of myself. I was convinced he was my soulmate. And it hurts to think that it has to end this way. But I seriously cannot take it anymore. I physically cannot take it anymore.

So I started actually making my moves, and it's been super scary. But I've been pushing myself to keep going forward. Because I need this. I need this badly.

I started out by narrowing my apartments to 2-3. I rented out a storage unit to slowly move my things into. Then I lied to him and said I had to work on Saturday when instead I went out to tour apartments. I found a place I really liked in a nice neighborhood. I requested so many quotes because I would chicken out from filling out an application and picking out a move-in date. But then, I pushed myself to fill it out, and I was approved right away. And tonight, I read through the lease agreement and signed off on it. Next up is to pay the deposit and eventually move-in.

Damn, this is so scary, and I'm worried I will chicken out or he will find out and somehow convince me to take him with me.

I just keep picturing myself living in my own place, with my own furniture. Not being obligated to anyone, having to buy food for them, or driving them around everywhere. Being able to do whatever I want to my time. Not having a long-ass commute. It's so close, and I can't chicken out now.

I deserve so much better than this. I deserve to not be treated like a maid, or a bank, or a doormat.

And it's so close. I can't wait to have the life I've always wanted.

Thank you so much for listening to my story. Any advice on how to bring it up to him would be greatly appreciated. I'll post another update after it happens.

EDIT: HOLY SHIT GUYS! I just want to thank you all for the overwhelming amount of support, I've received from this post and my last one. It means the absolute world to me that there are so many people who care for a stranger over the internet. I am definitely going to do my best to read all these comments and reply to as many as I can to let you all know how grateful I am for you all. Again, thank you all so much for the support, and the constructive criticism as well. And I will most definitely post an update when it happens, because IT WILL HAPPEN. Peace and love~<3

So, for anyone who also frequents justnoMIL and remembers the Hamburglar from a couple years ago, hi.

Today's story has nothing to do with her, don't worry.

This story is about what happened to make me leave my husband, and it happened a couple weeks ago.

I'm pretty sure everyone here knows someone who is never happy with anything you do, they could always do it better, but they never actually do, they just like to bitch at you? Okay cool. So my ex was like that with everything.

This one particular night, it was dinner. I had spent a good couple hours making meatloaf and hand-mashed potatoes, and was super proud of it. And of course, having two small kids, I didn't eat as soon as it was done, but fed the two year old and watched to make sure the big kid ate. By the time that was done, ex was questioning me about why I had made a sauce to go on top of the meatloaf instead of just using ketchup 🙃 He was like that about a lot of things - we once had a fight over the fact that I made a cheese sauce for brocolli rice casserole instead of just using velveeta, so.

Of course that fight escalated ridiculously, and by the time he was yelling, my face was going numb because I hadn't eaten all day and my sugar was crashing. I got up to go get my glucose monitor to see if I could just eat my dinner or if I needed a glucose tablet first, and this man lost. His. Mind.

First he was yelling because I dared walk away from him while he was "talking" to me, and when I told him I was going to get my damn glucose monitor, he started screaming about how "convenient" it was that I needed to check my sugar while I was getting yelled at (he literally said that. Idek yall). I pretty much told him I was an adult and would check my sugar every time I needed to, which was apparently unacceptable because he ripped the monitor from my hands and chucked it at the wall, busting it open. While I stood there in shock, he threw away the case with all of my extra strips and lancets, then opened my glucose tablets and dumped them out in the trash too. He dumped out the meatloaf I had just spent hours making too, I'm not sure if just to be an extra dick, or to make sure I couldn't salvage anything, but either way, it worked.

I got to spend the next several minutes of my life listening to him yell about how I was faking being diabetic for sympathy, trying to get him to feel bad for me so I could "get away with shit." Keep in mind, this is all over the fact there wasnt Heinz tomato ketchup on his damn meatcake. He then told me to "sit down, shut up, and eat some of those nasty ass potatoes, I guess."

Not even gonna lie, I did. Not sure if it's just because I was in so much shock or if I just felt that bad from the sugar crash, but I sat right tf down and got some carbs in my system, then got the kids to bed and went to bed myself. He didnt say a word to me that night or the next morning before work.

The next day was payday for me, and I spent every cent of my check on deposits for an apartment for me and my boys. The last couple weeks have been hard as hell, and he's been super nasty, and I'm still not even sure how to go about getting a divorce in Louisiana, but at least I don't live with someone who thinks I'm making up a disease I've had the entire time I've known him just so he doesn't scream at me about dinner 🙃

Edit: Holy crap guys. I just wanted to tell someone else how crazy this man is, thank you so much for all of the kind words and support!

This last weekend, my ex “confessed”. I put this in quotations because it was a large Dutch oven full of steaming horse shit. I came home from work one morning and he was waiting for me - which is odd, because he’s usually asleep. He said that we needed to talk.

We sat down together and he told me his tall tale: that a woman he had met (his mistress) at his coworker’s wedding had been contacting him on and off for a few months after receiving his number from a mutual friend, and kept asking to meet because she found him attractive and wanted to get to know him better. He had never responded to her flirtatious messages or requests to meet up, but would sometimes chat with her. Recently, he told her that he was flattered but was happily engaged, and asked her to stop contacting him because he didn’t think they could be friends since she kept pursuing him and was getting progressively insistent. He stated that this woman then became angry and began threatening him and insulting him, like some typical NiceGirl shit or whatever, telling him that he lead her on.

He apologized for never telling me, but he didn’t think it was important because he had either ignored her or things were pretty innocent, but decided to tell me now because of her “shocking” reaction when he asked her to stop. He promised me that that was all that happened, and offered to show me the messages if I wanted to see them. I was quiet for a few minutes. He looked extremely worried and begged me to say something. My mind was racing and my heart was beating out of my chest. After every sentence he spoke, in my head I was saying, “Lie. Lie. Another lie. Pretty good lie, but still a lie. Lie. Wow, the truth? Nope, just kidding. Lie.” I wanted to confront him, tell him what I knew, point in his face, show him the screenshots I took, scream at him. But again, I didn’t do any of those things - instead, I said that I was really disappointed and hurt that he kept this information from me, but I told him that I trusted him and did not need to see his phone. I asked him to please just continue to be honest with me from now on. My ex held me tightly, apologized many more times, promised to make it up to me, and continued to reassure me that he was being honest. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me forever and would never hurt me - I was his dream girl and he couldn’t possibly be happier with me. I asked him if he was sure he had nothing else to tell me. He looked me in my eyes and said he didn’t - he promised. I asked if he ever met up with her, platonically or otherwise. He said he only spoke with her and hung out with her briefly among others at the wedding (he was a groomsman and she a bridesmaid - I was at a conference). He also confessed that when he was worried that I had cheated on him a couple of weeks ago, he got extremely scared because it made him rack his brain trying to think of whether he had done something that would make me angry or cause me to stray, and that while he feels silly about it now for thinking that I had cheated, it had “put the fear of God in him”, for lack of a better phrase - he then felt super guilty and decided to “come clean” because even though I’m not cheating, he was so worried that he wants to make sure there is a clean slate.

I wanted to vomit. I wanted to take a boiling hot shower and melt my skin off and then swim in a pool of lemon juice. I could not believe the balls on this slimy worm of a man. Either he ended things with the mistress and is expecting blowback and trying to cover for it now in case she reaches out to me, or she dumped him and he’s trying to crawl back to me. Or maybe he’s still seeing her. I don’t know. Not my problem anymore.

I completely shut down. I was cold and distant. He noticed. He apologized to me every day, asking me if I was still mad. He offered many times to show me the messages to assure me that nothing else happened. He asked me if there was anything he could do to make me happy again. He told me he knew he deserved it for not coming forward sooner, but he promised he wasn’t lying about anything, he was just being an idiot and didn’t think it was important, but he sees now that it was and he would be just as upset if the tables were turned. He cried a few times. I brushed him off and told him I would get over it, and he just needed to give me time. He agreed.

And then the day finally came, and I left.

I moved into my new house yesterday. It was pretty uneventful, and even kind of fun. After I got the text from my ex confirming that he made it to work safely (we do this everyday), my friends and their boyfriends came by to meet the movers with me, and we had my entire house cleared within forty-five minutes. We laughed and joked the entire time. They assured me that they would be my bodyguards if my ex showed up. I scanned the house a few times before I left and felt very satisfied - the only things left are a dining table, a small TV, and an entertainment center in our bedroom that he bought, and of course all of his personal things. Other than that, everything else is gone. The remaining items in the house are only enough to fit into the smallest bedroom in the three bedroom home. My landlord came by before I left and we took pictures of everything together in case my ex tries to say I damaged anything.

After much thought, I decided that I was not going to leave any of the screenshots that I took - however, I am still keeping them in case I need them. I wanted him to be reeling over what I may or may not know. I want him to relive the day he “confessed” and I hope he feels absolutely horrified when he realizes that I knew the entire time. Instead, I printed an email he sent me a few months ago, which was a very long ranting (read: lie) about how much he loved me, couldn’t wait to marry me and have children with me and buy our first house together, and how lucky he was to have such a loyal, devoted, and hard working partner. He detailed how he would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship. He sent me this email three days before the text messages between his mistress about how boring, fat, and ugly I was, and how he couldn’t wait to run away with her and start their perfect lives together. I put this email into an envelope and wrote his mistress’s name on the front of it. I left it on the kitchen counter, with my engagement ring and keys on top.

I took one more look around and then shut the door on our home and this chapter of my life. When I got in my car, I cried for the first time since the day I first found the messages. I had to pull over and my friends comforted me while I cried my eyes out - snot bubbling, snorting, lip quivering, put-Kim-K-to-shame crying. My heart broke into a million pieces all at once. My friends pet my hair, held my hands, and cried with me too. They’re so good to me and I’m so thankful that I finally decided to stop being so anti-social and reach out to them. The best thing that has come out of this situation was bonding with these two women. I don’t think they’ll ever be able to get rid of me now. If you’re reading this, J and A, I love you so much and I’m so grateful.

My new house is honestly incredible. My landlord made it sound like it was a wreck, but I should have known it wouldn’t be too bad - she’s kind of nit-picky. I didn’t care for my old house TOO much - my ex loved it though and it suited us well, so it was okay and I was happy with it. But my new house is very cute, with a bigger backyard for my dogs and a better layout. The neighborhood is really cute, too. There are a few things that need to be fixed, but it’s nothing major. I’m pretty much already settled in. I changed my number today. So far, it’s been quiet. I hope it stays that way.

Thank you again to everyone who has been here for me through this nightmare. Apparently my last post was removed for some reason, but since I hope this is the last time I have to post here, I am not going to bother asking for it to be restored or whatever. You all have been wonderful to me, and my heart is so full of your love and well wishes. I made it! Here’s to starting new.

-C

Again, thank you reddit peoples for you thoughts, insight, and wisdom. My normal meter is slowly recalibrating. Thank you.

EDIT2, August: 5 months since run away fleeing: Confirmed I do not have bipolar disorder. I have had no symptoms of bipolar or extreme anxiety since I've left my ex. He was literally driving me to insanity. Confirmed through therapy he is a gaslighting manipulative abuser. I was going to do a quick divorce, to just end it and move on, but I discovered that he lied about paying off bills in my name that now have gone to collections, $6,000 total and ruined my credit score, so I had him SERVED FOR ALIMONY. I've blocked him after he harrased me with 10-20 calls a day with voice messages. I let my lawyer handle everything so I no longer have any contact with him. My stuff is still in his house. I am going to hire a uhaul and have a police escort when I get my stuff. I snoped (stupid of me, I know) and saw a text message he wrote to his friend, "I just want someone to lay next to me, it doesnt have to be her". O_O Now that I've come out of the FOG and reread my posts and remember little instances on things he's done I am sick to my stomach. How could I let this happen? I'm left with lack of faith in anything, other than myself. Im left with trust issues. I no longer believe in people's words, only action and results. I'm extremely defensive. This will take time to fix and heal. I am better everyday.

Edit update below. Thank you everyone for your insights.

Friday I came down swiftly with flu symptoms. This is fine. I usually just ride out the flu and don't bother doctors. Friday however I was so full of mucus and cough that I couldn't breathe. Like an elephant was on my chest, throat closed up from swelling and irritation I guess? Anyway, I had a coughing fit and start panicking because I couldn't get a breath in at all. Just a weezy gulp for air. My husband decides this is the perfect time to walk slow, move slow, asks me a bunch of questions that I can't answer because I can't breathe. I say gasp take me gasp weeeeeeze hospital! He goes are you sure? My eyes started tearing because now I'm mad and I can't breath or communicate. He's all, " is there anything you wanna bring with you" I'm still sitting there gasp weeeeeeeeeeze gasp weeeeeeeeze. Hospital weeeeeeze now. So he takes his time getting to the car. No sense of urgency at all. Drives 45 mph on a highway where he always drives 90. I get to hospital, I can't talk he's doing the talking. Answering doctor questions for me. He kept telling them I'm just panicking. I have to thumbs down whenever he gives them wrong info. ER decides to put me in ICU quarentine for the covid 19 scare. As I'm transferring beds husband asks the nurse if this could all just be nuerological...all in her head. That's she's just having a panic attack.

The nurse, "No. She has a fever. And other things."

Good news: my 103 fever broke last night and tests came back Covid free!

I've been considering divorce for a while. I think this situation confirmed divorce. Am I overreacting?

Edit: I've come to terms with the fact that I do not have bipolar disorder. EX husband had everyone convinced I was. I've also realized he is a gaslighting manipulator. I am now living with a relative and going to free therapy for domestic violence victims. Thank you, peoples of reddit, for helping me calibrate my normal meter.

I just need to rant over my soon to be ex boyfriend being an absolute cockwomble, so hello there.

My boyfriend is 25, never had a job and lives with his parents.

I am 21 and about to go into my final year of university.

He has decided for me that I am going to be a stay at home mom and that sometime this coming year we are going to start trying for a baby. The first thing I told him in our relationship is that I am not going to be having kids. Maybe one day when I am 30 but definitely not now. He thinks it will be a great idea though, I will have so much time to do fun little hobbies and can cook for him every single night ( I do love cooking) how fricken fun does this sound guys. On top of this he was trying to convince me with the arguement of would I rather have a really happy home with kids and a husband that I adore or would I rather work and come home alone and be miserable for the rest of my life. Does he really think he is the only guy that would be into me, how insulting.

Not going to lie, I was kinda curious on how he planned for this whole sahm thing to happen considering he has no money. He said he will get a job (will he though??) and that we can ask out parents for money, he even worked out how much we should get. £300 from each set. He wants me to have babies and mooch off of my parents? how long will this work for?

He has also decided that my move to London fund that I have been saving up for since I was 13 will go towards this as well. to be fair, I do have way too much money in there considering I have been working since I was 14 and have 7 years of paychecks put in there. But he thinks he can just take my money and I will be okay with it?

Like seriously, what the fuck is wrong with him. I'm just glad this all happened now rather then in a couple of years time.

Hey everyone,

Let me begin by saying this is a repeat problem where he says 'it's just not working for him etc.' Then apologizes and says he shouldnt of said it once he cools down and sees how upset I am. Well not fucking tonight.

We had a great day ya'll all good things I cooked a DANK dinner, we went to Costco and it was EMPTY, we walked the dog, chill 👌🏻. THEN. He starts drinking tequila. Alot of it. And on our dog walk he starts the what's been on your mind talk. (I've been mad at his attitude and rude ass comments about o ly going to the gym 5 times a week instead of fucking 7. You read that right ladies. WTF. Like 'the sex drive is gone, we never have sex anymore'... I WAS ON MY PERIOD THIS WEEK OF COURSE WE DIDNT. I STILL FUCKING BLEW HIM 2 TIMES despite my work being batshit hours. And to top it off we had sex 3 times 4th of July weekend so fuck that shit.

So I just told him well it takes to to tango and if your done that's it. So what's our plan? And seriously made him sit there and outline how this will go. This time I agreed instead of just getting upset. Now we have a plan and I will be stable and free because we both agreed to be amicable about it. When he wakes up with regret at losing the best part of his life it's too FUCKING BAD. I am exhausted of being pressured into sex and then living with your temper all week just to be gas lighted and told I over react to everything and am FRAGILE. fuck it. Fuck this. Fuck allllllll of that. Him and HIS PARENTS can go be happy together. Is it wrong I'm excited? Like I am sad and emotional dont get me wrong but like this could be great. I will be so much less stressed!

EDIT: oh my god you guys this blew up haha (almost like my relationship 🤣) and thank you for the gold!!! Its my first so this is super exciting!! Another unexpected good thing to come out of this!

Hey, I'm the girl whose husband of 8 years cheated. I called a lawyer first thing, they can't do anything for me till next monday. I got 98 percent of my stuff, only missing little things like some pictures on the wall, nick nacks and what not. There are things I will definitely miss but I got what matters. Banks are closed but I was able to open a new account and transfer half over on the phone. Once I was well and good gone I text him. Then I blocked him on everything, and he lost his mind. I've heard he is all over town looking and asking. I didn't think anything of it he can't find me! Then I get a text on my phone about how our data plan had changed to family monitoring and I immediately shut the phone off. It was in airplane mode and the GPS was off so I don'tthink he got anything. Tomorrow I will try to get a new one asap..... Tonight though I am safe and warm and freshly showered all snuggled under my weighted blanket.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and encouragement! I made it through the weekend! I definitely could not have done it without you guys :)

Update: he found where I was yesterday and showed up there. I'm guessing he tracked me logging in on WiFi or something. Because I logged in where I am before I shut the phone off I packed up all my stuff I picked a direction and went. I'll update again when I get WiFi for my burner.

So read my history if you want the whole horrible saga. In January, I found a video on my husband's tablet from a hidden camera in our bathroom that showed my 14 year old niece nude. I called the police, immediately, and turned over the tablet. I got protective orders for myself and our child (5) and the temporary one was soon replaced with a 2 year one.

Shortly after this took place he posted some things on his Facebook that made it seem like our child was with him. I got concerned calls and asked my cousin, who I live with, to look at his Facebook because I have him blocked. She did and showed me the post. I noticed a comment from one of his friends that said something about " heartless people" keeping my STBX away from LO... so I sent him a message and told him the whole story. This is not the case of a bitter woman keeping a man from his child, this is the case of a woman doing everything she has to do to keep the children in her life safe. I told him about my niece, who loved my husband like a father, and about the hidden camera and video. .... and then I unfriended him and went on with my life. He never responded (I didn't think he would) and I haven't thought about it..... until today.

So, one of my young brothers is staying with us during quarantine and I noticed that he was still friends with my STBX. Tonight, I asked him to show me STBX'S profile because I suspected he had blocked my cousin from seeing certain posts.

And I was floored...... I still can't believe this shit. WTF is wrong with people????

His friend (that I told about the situation) had made a post and tagged STBX. It was along the lines of: " The kids are having a great time hanging out with Uncle STBX!" And then four or five pictures of STBX playing with/ holding the friend's kids (3 boys, 1 girl, ages 7-3)......

My husband looked greasy and strange. He seemed disheveled and ill at ease. His friend was all smiles, like he was boasting about my husband being with his kids. I get not abandoning a friend in a time of need, but who the fuck hears what my husband did and thinks it's a good idea to have him at your house, hanging out with you kids???

So, I screenshot the post and all the pictures and I started wondering how the mother of these children would feel about this situation. I found her through mutual friends (they are divorced) and I messaged her to call me. She did and she is terrified. She doesn't know what she can do to keep him from exposing her kids to STBX. I'm wondering if I should get his address and call CPS or the detective (who told me today that charges are imminent) or if I should just give her all the info I have and let her handle it.

I married an asshole. We’ve been married for 5 years and I mistakenly had a child with said asshole. It’s not like we didn’t have the talk about the future and having kids. He always wanted kids. I wanted kids. We were both on board. I thought it was going to be so great and he would be such a good dad and helpful. No. From the day we brought OUR child home he did not help. He refused to hold the baby, feed the baby, change the baby, dress the baby, watch the baby.

I remember one night in particular. I woke up because my breasts were killing me so I needed to pump. I had already leaked all over my side of the bed and I was cold and miserable. I reached over, got my pumped and started pumping. Then I heard the baby crying in the other room. My husband rolls over and says

“He’s crying.”

I said “I know, can you please go change him so I can feed him?”

His response, “No, unlike you, I have to fucking get up and work tomorrow!”

That hurt. I almost, almost started crying. I had to sit there and listen to my baby crying in the other room for a long time before I could get up and go get him.

That man didn’t help with ONE middle of the night feeding. Not one. I was so miserable for months and I was so exhausted I thought I was dying. I’m not a single parents (moms and dads) but bless all of you you’re strong than I will ever be.

And before anyone asks I am leaving this man. I’m currently looking for a house and have already spoken to a lawyer about a lot of other thing that are going on in our marriage. Rant over.

First up, thank you all for the love and support you gave me last night, it was very much appreciated. You guys are lovely, except that one person that was snotty about my financial situation.

There are things about our relationship I didn't get into, but suffice to say that our communication needs work. Since my Dad died and his was diagnosed with dementia within a month of each other in Spring 2018 we have both had shit going on that we just didn't tell each other about.

I called him at lunchtime and blurted out my situation to him. He was really quiet for a long time, then just said over and over "I didn't know..." in a bewildered way. He asked if he could come over once I was home so we could talk properly.

He showed up a couple of hours ago, and I swear he must have emptied Tesco into the boot of his car. My cupboards, fridge, freezer and fruit bowl now overfloweth! He asked if he could borrow my utilities cards and went out again. He came back with receipts saying he put £30 on both gas and electricity. Then he asked where i wanted to go for dinner and he has gone out to pick up some fish and chips because I didn't want to out.

Needless to say I am weeping again, but for all the right reasons. I should just have used my words instead of keeping it all in until I couldn't keep it in anymore. Thank you all again. He really isn't a JustNo, he is just a Didn'tKnow.

Already posted this in r/Trueoffmychest but it became appropriate for here too.

I (24F) have been with my exSO (M26) since I was 14. I thought I was going to marry him one day.

F is physics professor and I'm a med school student, graduating next year. Since I was 13, I wanted to move to Germany. I told this to him a couple of times but we never really got into it.

The other night he asked me what hospital I want to work in when I graduate.

Me : I don't know, probably some hospital in Frankfurt. Why?

(My brother lives in Frankfurt so I thought I'll just move there too)

F : Wait, Frankfurt like... Germany?

Me : Well yeah, I mean it's always been my plan.

F : I thought your plan changed! I don't want to go to Germany

Me : Why not?

And this is where it started. There was screaming, there was crying, and at the end he said "It's either me or Germany". I needed time to think and went to my friends place.

While I was there I couldn't stop thinking about all those sleepless nights I spent studying, just so my dreams would come true. I texted him "Germany. [My friend] will pick up my stuff tomorrow"

Today I was thinking everything over and one person told me it's not too late and I should go back. I called F, we decided to meet up tonight to talk everything over.

About 40 minutes later he calls me again, says he has confession to make and it can't wait for tomorrow. Apparently, 7 years ago, when he moved to the city where we live now, and I was still in our hometown, he cheated on me. And affair lasted till I moved there too. 2 YEARS.

While I was working my ass off, just to get accepted to med school in this city, he was cheating on me.

I wanted to beg him for forgiveness before I knew. I was willing to give up everything because I thought it was worth it. And what do I find out? He couldn't go 5 days without sex. He cheated on me with one of his friends. She knew about me. She knew I was waiting for him back home and she was happy to have an affair with him.

Fuck him. Can't wait to move to Germany.

It’s happened a few times now during sex he would just stop because his dick would just die and finally yesterday he said it.. “you’re chubby now. I’m just not attracted to you anymore.”

Annnnnd he’s more “chubby” than me. He has a belly. I have about 10 lbs go lose to get to pre-pregnancy weight.

Something definitely changed in me after hearing that. I’m just so turned off by him and I really don’t give a fuck about him anymore. I also don’t want to touch him or be touched by him.

So this is a justyes, justnoso story.

My husband got his mistress of 8 months pregnant and I am laughing my ass off. He abandoned me and our son 8 months ago after an abusive 5 year marriage to go live with her. He has been trying to get a rise out of me which won’t work because my tolerance level knows no bounds. He is in massive debt and has been taking her on expensive trips instead of paying child support (which has been handled), he buys her expensive gifts, put money into her business and is making himself out to be the perfect person. I have thought about warning her (but I won’t because I know she won’t listen, but he is a closeted emotionally and physically abusive narcissist. Once he got me away from my family his personality made a 180 and I was shocked and scared to leave him.

She doesn’t know what she’s gotten herself into and I don’t care. It’s like someone hit the fast forward button on their relationship and I’m gonna watch it crash and burn.

I’m finally in a good place in my life and I am happy he isn’t my problem anymore. Have fun with that mess. I’m sorry if I sound evil. I’m just relieved. Maybe he’ll take his new family and go away from me and my son forever.

Edit: hello beautiful Reddit people. I love conversing with you all over this :). And for those of you telling me to warn her I can’t/won’t. I was 22 once and this is something she’s just gonna have to learn from. Plus, there’s no way in hell she’ll listen to me. I don’t want to come off as a crazy ex. If she ever comes to me one day with questions I’ll happily answer them for her. My door is always open.

Edit 2: ok to the people messaging me telling me “shame on you for not telling her”. Stop. I’m not telling her. That will only invite their drama into my life. I don’t think she or the baby deserve to be abused but they aren’t my problem. She did know about me and she decided to pursue him while we were in counseling. She’s young and she’s gonna have to learn this one the hard way. I learned and I pass on what I know to my younger sisters so they don’t end up in a relationship like I did. She is not my problem. If she comes to me one day with questions or if she’s scared I won’t turn my back on her or judge her.

Edit 3: I’m not warning warning her to be spiteful. I’m not warning her because I am afraid of my ex. No one deserves to be abused. She is very VERY much in love with him right now and if I tell her she’ll go and tell him what I did. We’re not divorced yet and that’ll make me look like I’m trying to sabotage their relationship. I know he doesn’t love her but I can’t see she genuinely loves him. He’s a scary guy who tried to suffocate me and has my kid some days.

And if my kid wants to hang out with his half sibling I’ll sure let them.