I (f29) got married today. It's a happy sad occasion - my husband was fine in June, and got sick in July. In September he was hospitalised for 3 weeks and they told us he has cancer in 3 places. On 13th October, we met his oncologist, who told us he can't withstand any treatment as he declined so quickly, and he is very much at the end of his life with a few weeks left.

So, last week we got an emergency at home wedding (thanks palliative team for making that possible!) And today we had a small celebration with a celebrant, family, friends and a nice dinner that he couldn't eat. We said vows and listened to harp music and he barely managed to stay conscious most of the time, but he enjoyed himself and we got lovely photos and memories from it.

He is so exhausted and close to the end, that he fell into a deep sleep as soon as it was over.

So, here I am, eating a vegan spicy burrito from Chilango for my wedding dinner, cuddling my dogs, and listening to my husbands breathing next to me, because I constantly fear this is the moment he dies, and soon I will be right.

Been dating my boyfriend for 11 months. Met him about a month after I moved states. He was sweet and thoughtful the entire time. We had the same sense of humor. Liked the same things. Had the same goals. I was going to move in with him in October.

He’s met my family and friends and this past weekend he got to meet my dad and brother. It was a great weekend. When my best friends group chat asked how it was going I literally replied “better than I could have imagined”.

Then the plane ride home happened. It’s like a switch flipped. Unprovoked he became the biggest asshole. Talking down to me, treating me like shit. Got up at one point to use the bathroom without saying anything to me or the woman sitting next to me and pushed his way past, he’s not a small man either. I said to the woman “I’m so sorry, that was incredibly rude, I don’t know what’s gotten into him” and she kindly assured me it wasn’t a big deal.

When the plane landed and everyone was grabbing their bags, she looked at me and put a finger to her lips making a “shhh” face while handing me a tiny folded up note. I stuck it in my pocket and when we were on our way to the baggage claim I went to the bathroom and read it immediately.

“I’ve been you before. You are not responsible for his behavior. You deserve better. If you need help, call me” with her name and number written.

I immediately broke into tears. I hadn’t known she had heard everything he was saying and honestly for unknown reasons I probably would have forgave his behavior.

I am breaking up with him tonight.

Tonight’s dinner: bison burger with brussel sprouts, and a light draft beer

I am married to an amazing man. We have a life I love. We have a beautiful home, we travel, we have great relationships with friends and family, and we both built careers we are proud of. About eighteen months ago, I started to develop a limp on my left side. I decided it was age related, so I committed to adding strength training to my workouts. I continued to get weaker, lost the ability to walk in heels, and started struggling to make it up stairs. My initial lab work was unremarkable, but X-rays and a MRI revealed spinal nerve compression. A neurologist confirmed the diagnosis with EMGs and nerve conduction studies. Even though I had no back pain, every physician I saw diagnosed me with spinal nerve compression.

I underwent a posterior lumbar fusion a year ago, but my symptoms worsened in the first few months after my surgery. My neurosurgeon ordered more imaging, which was inconclusive. I went back to the neurologist for more nerve studies, and he diagnosed me with worsening spinal nerve compression. I had several falls and became completely walker dependent. I underwent an anterior and posterior lumbar fusion to revise the first surgery, and the op note says the hardware had not properly set. Four days later, additional imaging revealed some small bone chips near my spinal nerve roots so I had a third surgery to revise the fusion again.

I never missed a physical therapy appointment and pushed myself to walk with my walker as much as I could. I was determined to regain the life I loved. Despite all of my efforts, I kept getting weaker and weaker. A new neurologist saw me in February, did a third set of nerve conduction studies, and diagnosed me with ALS.

My decline seems to be accelerating and my life expectancy is short. I am completely dependent on others for everything from meals to bathing. Most of the time, the burden falls to my husband. Throughout our entire marriage, he has been squeamish about sharing bathrooms. He firmly believes husbands and wives should have their own spaces for privacy. But, he now helps me to the restroom, cleans up my potty accidents, and helps me dress. I used to do almost all of the cooking, but he stepped up and makes sure we still eat home cooked meals. He continues to thrive at work, then he comes home and manages our home. He takes me places in my wheelchair, even when he is tired. He looks for every opportunity to fill our days with joy. I know he must be exhausted, but he does it all without complaining. I have never felt so loved. I knew he was a great man. I knew he was strong and loving. Now, I know he is a far better husband than I deserve.

He’s not perfect. He doesn’t like to talk about his feelings. He doesn’t like to talk about other people’s feelings. His taste in music is questionable. He thinks camping is fun. He won’t buy new clothes for himself, so he needs someone to keep his wardrobe up-to-date.

I want him to have the beautiful and adventure-filled life we planned, even if I don’t get to share it with him. I hope the universe rewards him with a beautiful, kind, and fun loving woman who will care for him the same way he’s cared for me. He deserves nothing less.

Caesar salad and tortellini with sliced Italian sausage and marinara (he made it).

Dinner is … breakfast! Marmalade toast and apples with peanut butter—pre-run fuel.

I have type 2 rosacea. I’ve had that good old rosy-red, inflamed skin since I was a young teen. It doesn’t sound that bad, but IYKYK. Now that I’m an adult, I’ve accepted what it’s done to my self-esteem, and I’m working on becoming more confident.

Enter boyfriend. He discovered I have this insecurity because it changed the way I interacted with him, especially early on—when I didn’t want him to see me, activities I knew will flare the rosacea that I didn’t want to do together, etc.

Recently he asked how I was doing with those insecurities. I told him, not great. It’s better, but it’s still so hard.

He looked thoughtful and said, “I’m going to tell you that you’re beautiful more often, then, until you believe me. But you know, I haven’t missed a day in half a year.”

For a second, I didn’t know what he was talking about.

Then I remembered: every “good morning, beautiful” text. Every time he held my face in his hands and told me I look lovely. Every time he grabbed my hand when I was about to get out of the car and pulled me back for a kiss. And so many more little gestures of love that I shook off with a self-deprecating laugh.

I guess I thought that was just … something he did. I never realized it was a targeted attack against the thing that was hurting me so much. I thought I was fighting my insecurity alone, and meanwhile, he was intentionally fighting it with me. Every single day, he made a point to tell me in a slightly different way that I had nothing to be afraid of.

Since he said that, it’s been a much softer, more forgiving face I see in the mirror. I can’t bring myself to judge that girl or try to hide her anymore.

Waiting the night (for the last time) in the ICU with her. She went in with a headache that turned out to be a ruptured aneurysm in the brain. She was showing progress after the initial emergency procedure and then had a spasm in the brain followed by 3 cardiac arrests. Tomorrow morning they do the final Apnea Test to confirm brain death, after which they have our permission to take her off life support and retrieve organs for donation. My child free younger sibling life is going to be forever altered now that I'll be the primary caregiver for her two young kids and our elderly parents. I dont even know how to begin processing the grief despite therapy. There just seems to be so much to do and so much to take care of. She was the best big sister in the world and took care of me like a parent. I'm lost without her. Going to hold her hand all night and till she passes and just hope, even as a non believer, that that counts somehow.

Ladies and bad bitches it is with greatest pleasure that I announce that my husband is sleeping in jail tonight. After him getting caught having an affair escalated to him commiting violence against me and our child, after I won a protective order that he repeated disregarded and walked through, after 2 shelter stays, after terrorizing our children, after having to flee our home and go across seven states to move in with my mom, after he followed us to just two hours away from my mom's house, after he broke the protective order AGAIN and emptied our house of our belongings and trashing the rest this man is FINALLY IN JAIL.

The powers that be decided this last protective order violation was enough to charge him. This time he got caught in the act by the base police. We are eating and sleeping good tonight girls.

I know that he will probably be out on bail tomorrow but I really need to celebrate tonight. Here's to another day of safety and survival. Cheers! ✨🩷✨

Had 1k of Dom perignons for the party.

Burger from last night because I have to

At the age of 37 I got engaged to the love of my life. He was kind, patient, reassuring my biggest fan and my best friend.
We met 7 years ago due to a glitch on tinder, we both set the app on local and yet we somehow matched.
At first we remained friends since non of us wanted a long distance relationship but over time we decided to try it.
We lived thousands km away from each other. It was very tough, we tried to meet at least three-four times either visiting each other or meeting on a midway country.
Eventually he finally managed to visit me first and a year later I visited him and we lived together for half a year when by the end of the visit he proposed to me and promised that it would be the last time we’re going to separate.
That was back in May this year.
Since then we were preparing to get married and planning on moving in together and have kids which in turn prompted us to do thorough health check since we’re in our late 30’s which at the moment I’m almost done with.
We video chat everyday and for the past two weeks he was having health issues, mostly with breathing and almost fainting. Last time we chatted I was insisting that he change the healthcare provider and get checked again, he assured me that he was fine and will take care of it.
Yesterday he was gone from a heart attack on the night of 20-21st of August leaving me with empty promises and all by myself.
He never smoked, rarely drank alcohol and was consistently going to the gym to lose weight.
He was my best friend and I don’t even know if anyone would love me like he did. I’m so lost.

I am with my family, my friends and his are messaging me so I’m not alone. It’s even more crushing that we had so little time together.

Chocolate, cold cuts, cheese, mango and blueberries and the keyboard he got me.

My car started breaking down on the highway in 95 degree heat. My power steering went out, there was smoke everywhere and I was afraid my car was going to catch on fire. I pulled over to the shoulder. I took my baby out of their carseat and ran from the car, watching and waiting for the flames. Suddenly, an older man pulled over on the side of the road. He first ran toward the car to make sure no one was in it. He asked if me and my baby were okay and proceeded to inspect the situation as the smoke dissipated. He told me he was sure with the engine off, it was safe to be near it. I sat my baby back in the car and left the door open so they could at least be in the shade and maybe get some wind from passing cars.

After a few moments of waiting while I made some calls, the man hesitantly said ‘Well, it’s really really hot out here and it’s not too safe for your baby. If you wanted to, I have air conditioning in my car…?’ In that moment, I very quickly said no. He responded ‘Okay, I’ll wait here in my car until your husband picks you up, just in case you need some help. Please stay cool.’

Sir, if there’s any chance you or your family read this, thank you for waiting almost a whole hour on the side of the highway during rush hour for my husband to get to me and my baby. I did not ask your name and I wish I did. You couldn’t have known this, but you have no idea how badly I wanted my dad in that moment, and it was a comfort to have you near. I apologize for not accepting your offer, though I knew in that moment you understood why. Thank you for being so kind to a total stranger in need.

Lunch today was this donut and a good amount of electrolytes bc I keep crying over this situation 🥲

Dinner is left over delicious buffalo wings. 😋

So a couple of weeks ago, me and a friend were talking about rom coms, and I told her about this movie called “Peter and Vandy” and basically told her it shows relationships in an interesting light.

We hung out tonight, and while we were catching up, she told me she watched the movie with her boyfriend, and while watching it, she realized that she related to the female character in the scenes where the male character was being especially emotionally abusive.

She specifically mentioned the scene where the female lead is making a sandwich, and her boyfriend verbally berates her for using two knives to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

She told me she kept telling the girl in the movie to walk away, and then she realized she was that girl.

Tbh, this guy was complete trash, and regardless of how she got there, I’m glad she finally did.

Edit: I do want to add that I purposely recommend this movie to her, hoping this would be the result. Which is a very manipulative thing to do, we did discuss this.

just graduated from undergrad yesterday with high honors in biology and im so proud of myself + to be a black women in STEM!!! i also start my full-time research job soon at a top university with a extremely prestigious lab + i am applying to medical school this cycle and i couldn't be more grateful given that i've had a rough start to this year and i literally wanted to crash out everyday for 4 years (esp with feeling as if i didn't belong) but i'm so glad i persevered and hope that everyone gets to accomplish their dreams 🥹

cajun pasta to celebrate 😙

edit: thank you all for your wonderful comments and congratulations, it really means so much to me and i see all of them... if u all need a future ob/gyn in another 5 years (god willing) you know who to call 💕🥹

edit again: didn't think this post would blow up LMAO nbc...cnn... if you wanna... interview me...🫣

edit 3: for people questioning my where i got the 4.2% from: https://www.aauw.org/resources/article/fast-facts-woc-higher-ed/ feel free to click the hyperlink in their articles that will take you directly to the NCSES website for the statistical breakdown. wish i were lying, but facts don't lie. just because it seems unreal to YOU does not negate the fact that I & so many other black women like myself are apart of that statistic and have worked hard to get here.

Enby Brunch this morning is: Left over veggie sandwich, fries, and coffee.

My friend suggested that I make a sort of “Father’s Day Special” post on here. First time sharing my leftovers and my thoughts with y’all, and boy howdy do I have a story.

Imagine, if you will, it’s the year 1955. Four friends graduate high school. Let’s call them Jon, Bill, Jane, and Sally. Since it’s the 1950’s, getting married is just what you gotta do, so they pair up.

Jon marries Jane, and they have three kids. Bill and Sally get married, and they have several kids. The important thing to remember for this story is that Bill and Sally have a daughter named Lisa. (And there’s like over a dozen people involved here who I’m not making fake names for lol.)

Well several years pass. The friends all realize, oh, probably not the best idea to get hitched to the first available person when you’re 18. You should get to know them more than that to decide if you’re a good pair. What to do, what to do?

Welp, they did the divorce shuffle. They just swapped partners, and the respective kids went with the pairing that included their mother.

So Bill marries Jane, and they both exit the important part in the story here. They both stayed together for the rest of their lives and, although I didn’t know either of them very well at all, seemed to have had a good life together.

Jon marries Sally, and all of Sally’s children move in with her. This includes Lisa, of course. Jon and Sally also have several children together.

Jon does all the step-father and father things. Tries to make his marriage work for the kids. But alas, he chose a partner too hastily again. He divorces Sally after several years. He remains single for a while.

Lisa grows up. Becomes a respected professional in her field of work. She’s a successful 20-something in the 90’s.

Jon has a business idea, and suggests that he and Lisa go into business together. She accepts. Time passes while they’re business partners…. until they become romantic partners also.

They eloped. Both because they didn’t want a big to-do and, well, it’s a marriage between a step parent and kid. If my understanding is correct, they eventually announced the marriage to the family a few months later when I made it difficult for my mother to hide her pregnancy.

So to recap:

My Dad’s first marriage: to the woman who would become my step-grandmother

Dad’s second marriage: to my maternal grandmother

Dad’s final marriage: to my mother, and they are still happily married nearly 30 years later.

My gaggle of half-siblings: many are also my mom’s half siblings, so they are my aunts and uncles, too.

My cousins are also my nieces and nephews. I had grand nieces/nephews before I was even born.

My family: rather complicated. It’s less so a tree than it is a handful of spaghetti that God threw at a white board and said, “that’s it! That’s the u/GarlicShizue family!”

Happy Father’s Day, y’all.

So I'm currently being treated for leukemia, treatment has gone super well and I'm in remission but still have got a few rounds of chemo left. I also currently don't have much of an immune system so I'm being super careful.

My family organised a small gathering at my parents home, which I was a little anxious about going to but I said I would as long as everyone was well, I was very clear that if anyone was sick I wouldn't attend. I did want to go because it would be a chance to meet my nephew for the first time, he was born about the same time I was diagnosed.

This was happening last Friday, at 1400 my brother comes to pick me up, get to family home, mother is strangely absent. About dinner time she appears with a streaming cold, I confront her, she says she only got it this morning and by then it was too late(it wasn't). Everyone has already had a drink, I can't drive because of my treatment, can't afford an Uber, missed the last train, so I settled in for my fate.

4 days later I get to learn what rigors are and have fluids and antibiotics pumped into me. I'm fine but still in hospital, not had any visitors and I'm losing my fucking mind in here.

I'm pissed off with my mother, almost every time I've spoken to her this year she's told me that I need to meet my nephew and I can't help but feel she prioritized that over my health. I honestly think that she never quite got over me not having kids of my own, despite the reasons being out of my control.

Sorry for being overly negative, I know everything could be a lot worse but I've missed out on so much this year and it is wearing somewhat heavily on me.

Dinner from last night is something from last night that was masquerading as a chilli, with a treacle pudding, the hospital steamed puddings are currently my only solace.

I've lost the love of my life a few weeks ago. He was gone in a very tragic, very brutal accident. I am still in shock.

We were inseparable for almost 5 years when we started talking on Reddit by mistake. He was the kind of man whose presence made everything feel right. Incredibly kind, incredibly loving, handsome, and strong. I was SO lucky to have found him and knew that from the very first few messages.

We were going to move in together and get married.

Buying snacks and treats for us to try was his thing. We loved the normal stuff, grocery shopping together, cooking at home, trying new things. He absolutely loved this peanut butter and had 2 of these jars in his freezer.

I took them with me after the funeral, and over the last few weeks, I've been having a scoop on days when it hits me extra hard that he's really gone. I'm now about to finish the last of it, the last treat he ever got, the last I will ever try.

I'm crying writing this, I'm crying eating this while at the same time being so numb and lost.

He was a good one. A love like this doesn't happen all the time. I was so lucky to experience it, I'm really grateful for him and to him.

Edit: As for the peanut butter, it's Nerdy Nuts, he liked many kinds from them but especially this pistachio one (Dubai chocolate treat I think it's called)

Update!
We’ll call the stapler thrower “Tina.” Tina showed up late and wouldn’t speak to anyone or make eye contact with anyone. It was creepy. She was called into HR. Idk what happened in there, but we heard some raised voices. She walked out angry crying. She started packing up her things and my work bestie told her “Don’t forget your stapler!” Lmao, I love her. Tina has been let go. If she shows up again, she’ll be given a trespass warrant. For those curious, she’s about 15 years older than me - in her 50’s. Wild.

————————
Last night’s dinner was chicken and pepper tacos.

I woke up thinking about what happened to me at work yesterday and I just …
I rarely discuss politics or religion at work. Yesterday, a very emotionally draining coworker asked me what I thought about the recent Ed Sheeran controversy. I told her I didn’t really want to get into it, but it “seemed like he really stepped in it.”

I thought that was a neutral statement. Apparently, I was wrong because the coworker went bonkers. She said a bunch of stuff and kept repeating “You think you’re so much better?!” I didn’t know what to do, so I said “I’m just gonna walk away now.” And ladies, as I rounded the exit, something hit the doorframe next to me. It was a stapler?! She threw a stapler at me!!

I was a bit dumbfounded so I picked the stapler up and walked it back to her desk without saying a word. Then I went straight to HR. They had us in a room together to talk it out with mediation, and the coworker was beside herself. She cursed me out, cursed the HR lady out, and left. I have no idea what’s going to happen at work today. But maybe I should wear a helmet? Anyway I guess she really loves Ed. 😭

Hello! I finally have one I can post!

I got divorced a few years ago, and spent a while in therapy and trying to better myself. I finally put myself back out there, met a guy with a daughter around the same age as mine. We met up, had a good time, and a few days later, I invited him back to mine. All was good! He came back the next night. Left some soap, a toothbrush, and the info nugget that he mostly lives out of his car, and sleeps in his cousin’s spare bedroom. Asked if he could come over again. I agreed, against my better judgement.

He brings pizza, opens my wine, and lays down on my bed after telling me how grossly sweaty he was that day. I ask him (nicely) to take a shower, please. He gives me attitude, showers, and then immediately just goes back to my bed and watches a movie at a very loud volume. I live in an apartment. I have neighbors. I ask him to turn it down, he laughs, turns it up, hides the remote and hides my phone. I go do the rest of what I need to do, come in to lay down, and he asks if I have any interest in watching this movie….. that he is already 3/4 of the way through. Nah. I ask for the remote, he refuses, so I turn off the power strip. He finally gives me the remote, I turn on a show, and he immediately pulls out his phone to play games. In the morning, he was putting his clothes in my drawers.

He is not coming over tonight. He did ask. I declined. I think I may take another 3 year break🤦🏻‍♀️

Custard psyduck in milk, edamame

A few years ago, at the age of 59, my father gender transitioned. Our relationship at the time was not good at all, we argued often and I’d threatened to never speak to her again. Then boom she reveals that she was actually a woman. It was… a lot to handle. I am 100% pro trans, it’s just that nobody tells you how difficult it can be to watch someone change so much so quickly. It felt like my dad died and I got a new step mom on the same day. She was like a totally new person. Patient, kind, calm, emotionally in-touch… it’s honestly been amazing. We’ve repaired our relationship more than I ever thought was even possible.

Meanwhile, relations with my extended family began to deteriorate. My family members didn’t all understand or accept the new version of her. They didn’t understand she had always been like this, just under the surface. She decided that she didn’t need the disagreement in her life and cut off just about all of our extended family, including my grandma.

The other day, my grandma died. My mom isn’t going to the funeral, nor should she feel obligated to, but I’m so conflicted about going myself. I loved her so much, she was my grandma after all. But she had so much hate in her heart for lgbt people. She moved from our family church to a different one because our church allowed gay people. It just feels like I’m compromising my morals to go pay my respects and lay her to rest. But I feel like I might really regret it if I don’t go.

Dinner: honey garlic tofu with rice & spicy mayo.

My partner and I are both software engineers, and recently I was complaining that an app I genuinely found useful pivoted to an ad-based/monthly subscription model, so I stopped using it because I hated ads popping up every 10 seconds.

Well, today he sent over an app file for my phone and told me to install it...turns out when I slept in earlier he grabbed my phone, got screen shots of the app to figure out what it does, and recreated it's main feature from scratch. No ads, no subscription, no account, and as a plus the data now stays on my phone instead of getting stored on some server God knows where.

He gave me access to the code too so we spent the afternoon adding back more features to the app together & optimizing it to run better :') what makes this even more endearing is that making mobile apps is the exact opposite of his specialty, he actually slightly dislikes UI/design work and he still took the initiative and effort to do this for me 🥺

At every turn he tries to make my life easier (and vice versa, of course). He claims to have a terrible memory but remembers the smallest things about me that actually make a huge difference. I love him so much it's so hard to put it in words

EDIT: I've never had a post get this much attention 😅 but yes I made the tofu and here's the recipe!

This was from yesterday. I got carne asada fries with cotija cheese, jack cheese, cheddar cheese, guac and sour cream with an iced horchata.

Hi everyone!

To preface this, I was diagnosed with autism as a child, but my autism wasn’t considered “severe” so I was in general education.

I recently had a baby this year and stayed home for 5 months before putting her into daycare and working a job involving children. I previously only worked corporate roles, but we moved out to the suburbs and there weren’t many of those jobs around. I liked it initially because it was flexible and I could do part time or full time weeks whenever I wanted, but working with children that weren’t my own stressed me out so badly. I dreaded work every day and was desperately applying to jobs that seemed to suit me.

I came across a nonprofit role and applied despite having no prior nonprofit experience (it asked for it). I got through the HR screening, panel interview (both virtual) and the final interview (in person, involved several people). The final interview involved touring the office building. I made many comments and asked insightful questions. At the end, they sat me down with the team and they just started shooting questions at me. Usually, I get extremely anxious at this point and freeze. I shut down, but this, I felt more like myself. I got asked a question about a topic I’m VERY passionate about and started infodumping like crazy. I couldn’t really control it, but I just kept going and going. The team seemed more interested as the minutes passed and I could see them visibly relax.

Before I knew it, the interview was over, and the director of the nonprofit escorted me to my car. I was elated and then embarrassed. I was expecting a “we regret to inform you…” email days later. This morning, I got a call they cancelled the final interviews for other candidates and offered me the job. How lucky am I? I feel so so happy to finally leave this job.

was die two years ago. Just absolutely fucked. He was in his early thirties. He had his entire life ahead of him. His daughter was six months old. He was fitter than I am, funny and mean and smart

What do you mean I have to face the continual rising tide of fascism without him sending me a meme of Elon Musk wearing a cowboy hat backward on fb messenger at 1 AM

Who is going to make my birthday cake every year for the rest of my life

Who is going to drive me to the airport

Who is going to tell our dad that he can’t do the shit he keeps trying to do like he’s 35 instead of 75

Who’s going to question why I didn’t just do it his better way instead of being a bitch about it

Who’s going to keep my ass humble

It’s just so stupid. So unbelievably dumb. I can’t believe I’m going to have to live the rest of my life without him and get to see his daughter grow up when he won’t and not even get to eat a meal he cooked ever again or quote The Simpsons with him or take a selfie or help him move or all the other million little tiny things we were supposed to do for the next sixty years.

Philadelphia and sweet potato rolls.

Dinner is trader joes pumpkin gnocchi with butter and pesto, cucumber and tomato salad, and pumpkin sugar cookies (also TJ's). Sadly only got a picture of the pasta.

I have bipolar 1, and recently started seeing a therapist for the first time in over a year. I have been taking my meds and seeing psychiatrists ever since my diagnosis, but I have only intermittently gone to therapy.

With my most recent therapist, during our very first session she encouraged me to download an AI app to "talk about my feelings". I was hoping this was a one off so I kept seeing her.

Then, she sent me a summary of some tools for tracking my bipolar that reeked of AI. Emojis, emdashes, everything. Again, I thought maybe she was just using it to organize her thoughts or maybe I was wrong.

During our last session, we did this exercise that felt very rote and weird. I noticed her constantly reading off the computer screen (fair, she could be referencing notes she prepared). But everything felt canned and generic. At the very end of the call, she again encouraged me to "talk" with an AI to help manage my disorder. We only had like a minute left of the session so I just said goodnight and left.

It feels so irresponsible to recommend this as a therapeutic modality to someone who struggles with delusion and psychosis. The risk of falling back into psychosis is not something I take lightly, and I don't want to talk to a machine that will always affirm me. So I sent her an email and cancelled the rest of our appointments. She replied that everything she used was "HIPAA compliant" which in my mind affirms that she was using it during our sessions.

I feel good about this decision, but also guilty. I felt like I connected really well with her on a human level, but goddamn I don't want all my innermost thoughts being used to train a machine and possibly involved in some data breach down the line. I am also worried that this could be the beginnings of mania since it felt like a rash decision. I emailed my psych to see if we could do a check in before my appointment later this month to make sure I am still on track.

My 5 year old son has always been delayed. He's hit all of his milestones significantly later than most kids his age. He's in physical therapy, speech therapy, and occupational therapy. He was diagnosed with autism when he was 3. I was willing to accept this diagnosis. My husband was not. He said it just didn't seem to fit our son. So we started seeing a neurologist who, upon first meeting our son, immediately seemed to question the autism diagnosis. So, we decided to do some genetic testing.

When we found out we were pregnant with our son, we opted not to do any genetic testing or carrier screening when my OB clinic offered. We didn't have a lot of money, and we had no reason to believe anything ran on either side of our families. About a month ago, we got our son's genetic testing results back. He has Fragile X Syndrome. We were shocked. And the more we looked into Fragile X, the more devastated we became. It's an X chromosome linked disorder, meaning it (usually) comes from the mom's side. It's the most common genetically linked form of intellectual disability. Their body doesn't create the proteins needed to be able to learn. After reading stories from other families with Fragile X children and speaking to multiple genetic counselors, it's very likely that our son will never be able to get a job, be independent, have a family of his own.

Because I am a carrier of Fragile X ( I have one normal X and one affected X), each pregnancy has about a 50% chance of receiving my affected X chromosome. Males are much more likely to be severely affected. And just based on developmental and physical similarities, we believe his 1.5 year old brother also has Fragile X. We are getting him tested next week to be sure.

Then we started reading about how females who are Fragile X carriers have a chance of going through menopause early - like in their 30s (I'm early 30s). There's also a chance of developing Parkinsons-like symptoms (tremors, ataxia, memory loss) in my 50s.

And because we weren't dealing with enough already, we found all of this out when I was 16 weeks pregnant...with another boy. We have been scrambling to get in somewhere to do an amniocentesis to test if this baby has Fragile X. We are considering termination if he does have it. I feel so broken and so guilty. I have cried every day and I change my mind every hour. This baby was planned and wanted. But my husband and I don't come from big families. When we go, there will be no one left to look out for our children who will likely not understand what's going on. To subject a third child to a future where we can't guarantee they'll be looked after when my husband and I are gone feels cruel and irresponsible.

My mental health has been absolutely horrible. I feel like I'm already in a state of grieving. I no longer want to see my baby on ultrasounds. I don't want to feel him kicking. It just reminds me that he's there and that I may have to say goodbye to him. I guess I'm just looking for some words of comfort from internet strangers as we face this impossible decision.

Dinner is cajun sausage and beans made in the crockpot.

A little context, my boyfriend had his car flipped after being T boned 2 weeks ago, he got away with just some scrapes and bruises however his car was completely totaled. This weekend we had spent fixing up a car he had bought cheep off a customer because it needed a new motor.
This morning me and my boyfriend left the house to head to work at the same time. We had both just so happen to head to a local coffee shop/gas station down the street. He went through the drive through right before I had walked in.
I heard the baristas all talking about how sweet the man that just left was. After not seeing him for a few weeks then in a new car they had asked him what happened. First thing he said after explaining the accident was that he wasn’t worried about the car but he was just glad I wasn’t driving with him.
After listening to them all gush about how sweet that was it felt so good to be able to tell them I was actually the girlfriend in question.

Meal pictured is a fancy breakfast we went to over the weekend

Dinner is Calamari with Zucchini Fritti

All my past relationships were toxic and abusive. I didn’t have the best of luck with men. I was single for 3 years and went 2 years of being celibate, no dating or talking to men.

Last year, I (F 30) was on hinge for about 3 days and I was ready to delete my profile, right around 12am I realized this guy (M 36) sent me a rose and commented on one of my prompts. we hit it off immediately and planned to meet up by 12 hours later. Our plan was to go to the museum and eat hibachi afterwards.

The museum was a great idea. It for sure helped break the ice. Throughout the night, I felt something very different about this guy in a good way. It was my first time where my nervous system wasn’t triggered, I felt safe. I didn’t have any eerie feelings about him since I haven’t been on a date in a long time, let alone it’s someone I’m meeting for the first time. We became much more compatible and attracted to each other in person.

We both live in a big city. I was born and raised here and he has been living here now for 5 years. This hibachi spot is in our neighborhood. Not once i mentioned that I lived close by, including him. When we finished eating at the Hibachi restaurant, we were walking the same direction to our apartments. When we got to the front of his building, my jaw dropped. He’s been living 1,600ft away from me. He offered me an uber home and I instantly laughed. I couldn’t believe that he lived 2 blocks from me. I have passed by his building at least 3 times a week and we have passed various of times without noticing each other. I ended my night at home devouring my left over hibachi processing how close my date lives next me.

I met him in person on 02/22/2025. Ever since our first date, we both knew we are meant to be. This is indeed a healthy and honest relationship. I have grown more as an adult, made accomplishments and I’m comfortable with being myself next to him. We both got a great relationship with each other’s families. We hold each other’s hand whenever one of us are going through difficulties. We like to talk things through with patience and empathy instead of yelling and choosing chaos. This man is my fireplace, he keeps me warm, comfortable, safe, and the smell of firewood smells soo good, just like him. People have told me plenty of times “that’s your person” and I believe it too. He is my person.

Tomorrow, I am marrying him. I’m looking forward to one of the biggest day of my life. I would’ve never thought that my hinge date who lived 1,600ft away from me for the past 4 years will be my husband.

I want to spread the love on here because it’s been a nasty era of dating. Dating apps are scary, dating itself is scary, and the best way to start dating is with yourself! Pour into your cup, you will be showered with blessings. May you lovely people whose heart has been shattered and is in a dark phase, there is light by doing the work on loving yourself first.

Cheers

Edit: I genuinely want to thank you guys for congratulating us to a new milestone.
Peace and Blessings 💙

Edit 2:

Woah! I didn’t expect for this post to blow up.
It’s been a fever dream. My Husband and I are very excited for this new chapter of our lives. Our ceremony went amazingly fucking amazing and we celebrated the rest of our day with our mothers. I love each and every story of how ironic it is to have the love of your life in synchronized events without even knowing. Not everyone is going to have a similar story, but the story of love is unique experience for everyone. We want to thank you for all the positive vibes on here!

Also, I want another order of them Zucchini Fritti , they were goddamn delicious.

It’s my birthday, and my girlfriend currently has horrible diarrhea. We had a reservation and a deposit down for a Michelin-star restaurant tonight, and I’ve been SO excited about it. I love fine dining and wine pairings, and we’ve been planning this trip for months.

Unfortunately around 2am last night, my girlfriend woke up with terrible abdominal cramps and proceeded to spend the rest of the night and most of today making urgent trips to the bathroom. Around 3pm, I finally suggested we call and cancel the reservation. She wasn’t going to be able to eat any of it, and sitting through an elaborate tasting menu and wine pairing while the love of my life fought for her life in a Michelin-star bathroom did not sound very festive.

So instead I walked across the street from our hotel for some street food and she ordered soup from room service, and we are currently hunkered down in bed watching Netflix.

And if I’m honest there is nowhere else I would rather be.
She planned 95% of this week-long vacation in her home country. She took me on tours and booked experiences she knew would be meaningful to me. She picked restaurants, took a million pictures of us, and had a little gift for me every single day. I have never felt so cared for and celebrated in my entire life.

I had a milestone birthday last year. You know what the soggy man I was with at the time got me? A text message that said, “Happy Birthday.” Full stop.

Anyway, I’m gonna marry this girl.

Dinner is a perra, which I ordered because I saw “bacon” and thought, hell yeah, birthday bacon hot dog. Friends…I did not read the description carefully enough. There is no hot dog. It is just bacon.
I canceled a Michelin-star tasting menu on my birthday and ate a bacon sandwich in a hotel bed next to my diarrheal girlfriend.
10/10 Best Birthday Ever