Not trying to be rude or anything, but I find there is this expectation to always play with kids. I (30F) also have a son who is 2.5 years old. I feel there is an emphasis put on parents and other adults to always play with kids when they're around. Obviously it's not possible 24/7 but my sister in law has 2 kids (3f and 2m) and she has an expectation that when we see them, we should be playing with her kids. She plays with my son the whole time and expects we do the same with her kids.
Don't get me wrong, I can play cars or colour for a period of time, but after about 30-40 mins or so, I'm over it. I also want to have adult conversations etc. but it's always playing with the kids or reading to the kids or singing with them.
I don't remember my uncles aunts parents etc playing with us when we were kids apart from the odd puzzle, colouring etc. when did this become an expectation??

EDIT to add: we always play with our kid and niece and nephew! (Many hours a day). The question isn't whether we should play with them. That's obviously YES.
But I strongly believe kids should have an opportunity to play with each other as well! And adults should not try to lead and intervene in every aspect of play.

No this isn't a joke or figure of speech, no matter how much I'd want it to be. I'm a man but I was born with what you can call intersex condition. Basically despite looking predominantly male and living as a man my whole life, I have both male and female reproductive organs and my kariotype is messed up. I never even thought this could happen, I've been told by many specialists that I can't have children of my own. That's why it came off as such a shock and I still haven't fully processed this. I haven't decided yet whether I want to continue this pregnancy or not. I'm married and both my husband and I wanted to have kids in the future, just not like this. I don't feel like this is right and it's not how it's supposed to be. Everyone I know would find out about what's wrong with me and the baby could be born with what I have, or maybe not be born at all. There's just too much risk than it's worth it. But then, the idea of having a baby that's both mine and my husband's when we've always thought it was impossible is what makes me hesitate. I'm not asking y'all to decide for me, I'm just simply venting cause I feel like I'm about to go insane here.

Our 2-year-old daughter attends daycare, and we recently learned the center took an existing photo of her and uploaded it to ChatGPT to transform her into what she would look like as a grandmother for Grandparents Day.

We signed the photo consent forms, which we understood meant her photos wouldn't be posted or uploaded anywhere outside the private daycare app. It now seems the center understood those forms more narrowly as applying to social media and public posting.

When I first saw the picture, I asked whether she was wearing a wig or if something had been done to her hair. The director explained that it was AI-generated. I then asked what AI app was used and explained that I was concerned because we had understood our daughter's photos weren't supposed to be uploaded outside the daycare app.

Instead of answering which app was used, the director responded that the images were only viewed by people at the private event and weren't posted online or on Facebook.

I clarified that public posting wasn't my concern. My concern was that a clear photograph of my child had been deliberately uploaded to an outside company. Once you upload a child's photo to an AI service, that company has a copy and the daycare no longer has complete control over it. There are questions about storage, retention, access and how uploaded material may be handled.

There are also broader concerns about children's images being manipulated by generative AI. I'm not suggesting anything like that happened here, but it made me realize this is something parents may not even think to ask about.

I asked again for the name of the app. The director still didn't answer and instead said:

“I’m sorry this apparently has upset you. In the future it may be best that you exclude her from all events held at the center.”

I said I wasn't trying to argue and was simply asking which app had been used. She then told us that our daughter would no longer be involved in activities at the center.

The other director later confirmed they use a paid ChatGPT subscription and that ChatGPT was used. She said they would not submit any more pictures of our daughter to it. She also explained that they can't control photos taken by other parents at special events.

We understand that. We're not concerned about another parent taking a picture at an event. We're concerned about the daycare itself deliberately taking our child's photo and uploading it to an outside AI service and retaliating once questioned.

We're now meeting with the center to discuss what happened and the consent issue. This whole situation has made me wonder how many parents have considered whether their daycare or school can upload their children's photos to AI tools or other third-party services.

Have any other parents dealt with something like this, or specifically asked their daycare or school about it? I honestly hadn't thought to.

EDIT: I should have worded this better. We signed that they do not have permission to use her photo except to send us any photos they take of her through the app they use.

(Update) - https://www.reddit.com/r/AskParents/comments/lrz7yk/update_my_husband_doesnt_use_toilet_paper/

I've (f22) dated a few boys over the years before finding my SO, but I've never seen anything as bizarre as what he's doing. Some of you may think I'm trolling, but for the love of god, I kid you not. I just don't have the will to say this to him (m24) or anyone else, so I figured it was harmless to come on here where there's no shame of anyone who knows me. My new husband, mostly while sleeping and other random times throughout the day, has a habit of picking his butt and sprinkling bits across the bed that I'll find and get grossed out about, as well as other areas around the house too. I know that people can sometimes be into weird things, but I can't tell you how unappealing it is to be in the bed and spot crumbs at random moments, and it really destroys any mood for me personally. How the heck do I tell him that he has to stop without coming off weird and condescending? He does it under the covers, and I'll have no clue about it, and I don't want to sleep where there's literal shit crumbs laying around

TL;DR: My husband doesn't use toilet paper and picks his butt under the covers and leaves crumbs in the bed and other places around the home

EDIT: We both lived with our parents beforehand while trying to save money for an apartment together, so maybe he was on his best behavior when he came over (washed and groomed) and vice versa when I came to his place

Parents didn't really want us alone together in any room with the door closed, probably because they're big on purity and always have been. Although, purity in a situation that involves poop...

We're newly married, so the problem is new, and despite my hesitance/shock over the past few days, I'm going to address it and talk to him with some of the advice that I've received from others and update for sure. Here's what I just wrote to someone else

Been suggested to permanently not sleep with him until he stops, as well as no sex or anything close to him, and to make him choose what's really important to him. I'm going to talk to him today and update for sure, and if he doesn't stop despite agreeing or just refuses, I'll stay with someone else and heavily consider divorce, already am (if he says he will stop and doesn't, or refuses to altogether), but gonna talk to him first and give him one shot at change

We are newly married, and I'm gonna talk to him today and give him a chance and see what he says. I'm aware that saying anything without first thinking, even over something as crazy as this and simple as wipe your ass, can hurt his pride/outlook so early into the marriage. I am going to address it, but I feel like a dick for roasting him for it and trying to be funny, since sitting him down and just talking sounds better. I'll paste what I just wrote to another user, so I'll try to be respectful, since roasting him doesn't achieve anything, personally

My wife and I have a major disagreement about this, and we both agreed to 'survey' parents online to see what others think. Obviously this will be subjective and involve cultural differences, but this is fine as our family is multicultural anyways. Kids are 5 and 7.

It is my wife's belief that, on the weekend, when the kids wake up early (and they do), we should immediately wake up and start cooking them whatever they want. Pancakes, waffles, etc. She thinks it is completely ok for them to be jumping up and down on our beds to wake us up and to be loud across the house very early in the morning when others are asleep. I think it is relevant to mention that my wife is Asian and that her mother was, and is very much still, almost like a servant in her own home. My wife asked her mom about this matter, and of course the mom agree with her that essentially we should cater to the kids' whims.

On the other hand, I believe that the kids should be more respectful and mindful when others are still asleep when it is very early in the morning. They are completely capable of feeding themselves yogurt and cereal or even pastries and playing games by themselves. I do not believe it is right for them to think it is okay to just come into our room and start jumping on our beds. And I do not think we should immediately jump out of bed to start cooking them breakfast.

As I told my wife and kids, I am completely happy to get up and make a nice Sunday breakfast for everyone. But, I should not have to be forced to wake up super early to do it.

My wife reviewed and is fine with this post.

For me, I think it's ridiculous that we expect kids to share absolutely everything they have. Obviously don't teach your kids to be selfish but it's okay if they don't want to share their toys with other people all the time.

Like if my daughter is playing with a toy and her brother asks to play with it, she will sometimes kindly say no. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

I’m 17F, and my mom says this, but I honestly don’t really believe her. I love my parents so much, and right now I genuinely can’t imagine ever loving someone more than I love them. Maybe it’s because I don’t have kids, so I haven’t experienced that kind of love yet, but it’s still hard for me to comprehend.

So my child got their driver's license recently. The parents of my childs friend seem to assume that my child will be driving theirs to school this fall. My child has mentioned how friend and friends mom casually mention "when you drive friend to school". My husband and I agree that our child will not be driving theirs. We dont want that responsibility on them. Once in awhile maybe, but not daily. Our child is very punctual. Theirs is not. Ours has an after school job theirs does not. Driving someone every day gets old. Plus we dont want our child to be waitng on them or being late to school when friend is running behind. I told my child next time its mentioned to say "thats not my decision to make, ask my parents " so how can I word it and not sound like a B**** that my child will not be driving theirs to/from school?

I just found out that one of my son's friends at school isn't allowed any toys. He's 11 or 12. It's not a punishment or anything, it's a rule. We found out when he slept over one night and saw all my son's toys in his room. Hot wheels and lego and model planes etc. We expected them to be on the TV playing video games all night, but his friend just wanted to play with the toys. Even asked to go to the park to play with the foam gliders and kite my son has.

My wife said that one of her friends growing up had the same thing when she turned 10. Something about 'helping them mature' or something.

Is tjis really a parenting style? Forcing kids to grow up early really just seems wrong, borderline evil to me.

Here's the background for what I' updating: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskParents/comments/s8m6ia/i_24m_just_found_out_i_have_a_5yo_son_i_never/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

So, first of all, thanks so much for the advice and support I've received over the past several days. I wasn't expecting anywhere near the amount of messages and comments I got. The past few days have obviously been extremely busy so I'm sorry if I wasn't able to reply to most comments.

I Left on Thursday to go and meet Jack. It was a 3 hour drive. My boss told me I could have a couple weeks off with pay (I work in finance/property development so I'm able to work from home easily) and then I could probably go on paternity leave. When I got to the foster home, the social worker introduced us, apparently she had previously told him who I was but only introduced me by my first name. Obviously it was awkward but it overall went well. Afterwards, the 3 of us (jack, me and the social worker) went to his old home to get some of his stuff, a 2 bedroom suite in a public housing co-op. I have to admit, the place was a total rats nest. I knew that his mother had been on drugs, but the entire suite took me by surprise. I told him that we could take anything he wanted, he mostly grabbed toys and clothes. I know a lot of people asked me to bring his bedding, but he didn't have any sheets, just a comforter that was falling apart, so I opted to leave it. The management of the co-op is going to handle the disposal of the rest of the stuff in the suite. We were done by about 2 PM and then hit the road.

I had to get a car seat since it's mandatory in my province for kids under 9, so that was interesting trying to figure out how that all goes together. It was another 3 hour drive back to my place. I tried to make small talk and ask him about his life and interests, but he was obviously really shy and quiet. We stopped halfway through the drive for lunch and it was kind of the same; awkward conversation. It was kind of awkward getting him to order food since he wasn't sure of what he liked I guess, but he settled on chicken strips. He fell asleep for the rest of the drive home, which gave me a chance to digest everything that had happened over the last couple days. We finally got home around 6 PM. He went right to bed and slept through the night while I listened to parenting podcasts (yeah I know, last minute cramming). I have a 4 bedroom house so I gave him the guest room. (only other bedroom I have furnished as a bedroom).

Friday, he woke up at like 5 am and woke me up asking for breakfast. I fed him some orange juice and cereal. Afterwards, I asked him what he liked to watch and we ended up settling on Paw Patrol. I had planned on going to get him new clothes, bedding and food, but while watching TV, I saw him eyeballing my fishing rods that I keep on a rack on my front door. I asked him if he liked fishing but he said he had never been. I felt like this was a good opportunity for bonding and asked if he wanted to. with that, he lit right up and was actually smiling and exciting for the first time since we had met. I live a 10 minute walk from the ocean so we grabbed some gear and headed over. We spent 2 hours there while I showed him the basics and how to cast. He genuinely had a good time, and so did I. He actually caught one before we left and went absolutely mad laughing. I knew I had to get a picture of him holding his first fish and I almost became emotional with how happy he was. Afterwards, we went home and then went out to go shopping. I guess he hadn't really ever been able to choose his clothes and wasn't used to brand new clothes, so he was acting as if he could only choose like 3 shirts. I had to make some judgment calls as to what to get him. It was the same with buying groceries and bedding. I had thought of calling my girlfriend and inviting her over to meet him, but figured that might be a lot at once, I had told her about Jack previously and she's totally supportive, as are my friends. That night, he asked if he had to take a bath. I hadn't really thought of that but it had been 2 days now so I figured that yeah, he does need one. After getting over the whole ''I'm going to jail'' vibe of giving jack a bath, he just played in the water. I wasn't sure if I should leave him alone or not, so I just kind of sat there awkwardly before washing his hair and drying him off. Getting him to brush his teeth was a bit of a fight, apparently he didn't have to do it all that often back home but he finally agreed when we did it together. Luckily after reading reddit posts about bed-time, I figured 7 PM would be good. After putting him to bed, we finally talked about his mom dying. It was pretty messy and he cried a lot and we hugged for most of it.

Saturday was pretty relaxed and was mostly spent hanging out at home. My neighbours have elementary school-aged kids so I'm trying to figure out how to approach them to getting the kids together to play. He only turned 5 a couple weeks ago so he won't be starting kindergarten until September so I need to look into daycare down the line. Tomorrow (Monday) I plan on taking to a pediatrician to do a physical to get an idea of his health and have him refer a counsellor or therapist for Jack to help him get through this rough time. I also need to find him a dentist. He's still calling me by my first name and isn't calling me dad, I told him it's totally up to him when or if he wants to call me that. Right now I'm just trying to focus on giving him a safe environment and make sure he feels comfortable during this transition.

So far, so good...

EDIT:

1. No, I haven't told my mom yet. I plan on calling her tomorrow or the next day

2. I wish I could reply to every comment but truly, thank you so much to everyone who had given their support and advice. I am in shock of the kindness that total strangers have to give

- For the people who are claiming BS:

a) I do not own my house; It was my grandparents originally, left to my mother. But she lives out of province so I'm in the process currently of buying her out.

b) If you're calling out about medical inaccuracies, I'm not a doctor. If it's beyond basic first aid or high school biology, I am not an authority medicine. I'm just repeating what I heard a social worker say to me after telling me that I'm a father, I was totally in shock so I may have missed some medical specifics.

c) No, Jack could not cast a fishing rod by himself, I had to stand behind him and help him hold it. But if he ever asks, it was all him...

I was having a discussion with my husband, and I asked him if he ever changed a diaper before (because he has younger siblings) and he mentioned that whenever his mom would change his baby sister's diaper, she'd always tell him to go away, and that it's more or less a "shame" to see.

I had an adverse reaction to this, as I could never think about a baby's diaper changing in this way.. especially when it comes to your own baby sister.. or any baby for this matter. I responded that this is sexualizing children, more so the sibling thats being told to not look, and making them feel shameful or that they're doing something wrong. I also mentioned that if it was opposite roles, that there probably wouldn't be any issue with a girl seeing her baby brother getting changed.. a baby is a baby regardless if gender, and that its sexist and unfair to do that to boys and contributes to the existing animalistic male stereotypes.

He took offense to this and responded that it was more of a privacy thing for his baby sister than a sexual thing.

Thoughts?

9yo saved for like 6 weeks for a mystery capsule toy. i read the reviews, they all say it breaks, told him that exactly once and let him buy it anyway.

it broke on day 2. lots of tears, then weirdly he was over it by dinner and now he reads the back of boxes in shops lol

my partner thinks i should have just said no. where do you all land on that

I’m genuinely looking for some perspective from other parents because this has been an ongoing disagreement between my husband and me throughout our marriage, and I’m starting to feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle.
We have three children: two boys, ages 16 and 13, and an 11-year-old daughter.

I recently implemented a chore chart that assigns them relatively light responsibilities during the week, such as helping clean up after dinner, taking out the trash, and loading or unloading the dishwasher. On weekends, they have additional chores like cleaning their bedrooms and bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting, and helping maintain our shared living spaces.

Nothing particularly strenuous or time-consuming, in my opinion. Just basic contributions to the household they live in.
Tonight, I asked my 11-year-old daughter to help prepare a box of cheesy scalloped potatoes for dinner. Nothing elaborate, just following the directions on a box and putting together a simple side dish. To me, this seems like a perfectly reasonable task for an 11-year-old, especially with a parent available to help if needed.

For context, I’m the oldest of five children, and by my kids’ ages, I was regularly preparing meals for my family, helping with younger siblings, and contributing to the daily upkeep of our home. I’m certainly not expecting my children to take on the same level of responsibility I had growing up, but I do believe that learning to cook, clean, and contribute to a household are essential life skills.

I’m also preparing to start a second job, which means I’ll be working a minimum of approximately 50 hours per week. My primary job is at a school, where I work as a teacher, school nurse, and handle several other responsibilities. My second job will be working as a nurse in a surgical pre-op/post-op setting.

With that schedule, I simply cannot continue being the person who manages and handles the majority of the household responsibilities.
Here’s where the disagreement comes in.
My husband believes that our children’s primary responsibility should be their schoolwork and that I’m expecting too much of them by asking them to take on additional household responsibilities.

I absolutely agree that education is important. I want my children to succeed academically, have time for extracurricular activities, and enjoy being kids. But I don’t believe those things are mutually exclusive with learning how to cook a meal, clean a bathroom, do laundry, or recognize when something needs to be done around the house.

This disagreement isn’t new. We’ve had variations of this conversation throughout our children’s lives, and I honestly feel that our lack of consistency and agreement as parents has contributed to them being less independent and less willing to take initiative than I believe they could be at their ages.
I’m not looking to turn my children into household staff or burden them with adult responsibilities. I want them to develop confidence, independence, and a sense of shared responsibility.

I also don’t want to raise children who grow into adults expecting someone else to cook their meals, clean up after them, and manage their homes.

So, I’m genuinely curious: What household responsibilities do your children have at similar ages?

Are your 11-, 13-, and 16-year-olds capable of preparing simple meals or helping with dinner?

How do you balance homework, extracurricular activities, downtime, and household responsibilities?

Am I being unreasonable in expecting my kids to contribute more, especially as my work hours increase?

How do you handle it when you and your spouse have fundamentally different expectations about what children should be responsible for?

I’m open to hearing that my expectations might need adjusting, but I also feel strongly that teaching children to be capable, contributing members of a household is part of parenting.

At what point does protecting kids from responsibilities actually become a disservice to them?

I am not a parent, (maybe one day)

But ... 6 other drivers and myself were talking in a truck stop about kids not doing the arm pump like we did as kids for the truckers to blow their horns. It is becoming something so rare, that when it does happen, we brag about it for weeks! (Literally! )

Can we please start teaching kids the arm pump again? Sometimes we have a rough day, and making a child smile by blowing our horns for them when they give us the arm pump can drastically change our day! (Possibly theirs too...) We miss that!

That's all I wanted to say... Take care! Ok, byeee!☺🖐

Edit: I just want to say thank you everyone! When I first posted this, I posted because I was thinking about days gone, and in a sour mood... So far, this post has been shared idk how many times on more than just Reddit and Facebook and other platforms as well as a trucking app I'm a member of... I never expected this to get so much traction! Thank you to everyone who liked this, commented and shared this with the world! Y'all have made my year!

P.s. Thank you to the Reddit user who thought that my simple thought was worthy of a silver award!

2nd Edit: Thank you for my very first gold!!!!

i (32f) have been to 3 parties within the last week, not one of the kids opened the presents at the party!

this seems to be the norm now. i do understand when time runs out because you only have a space for 2 hours, but one of them was in a public park so there wasn’t any rush out. i’m curious why you guys think this has become the norm? it does feel a bit disappointing to not get to see the kids reaction to your gift, but i understand how much happens at parties and how overwhelming they are for the parents.

just curious other people’s thoughts!

edit: thanks for all the responses; theirs too many to respond to lol! it seems the most common reasons are: saving time, avoiding people comparing each others gifts

So I really don't know where to begin. On Friday I get a call from a social worker from the ministry of family development (Canadian version of CPS), asking me to come and meet her at her office. I asked what it was about but she said that she couldn't disclose it over the phone. When I showed up there, she said that she asked me to show up because ''Sarah Smith'' (fake name) had passed away and I was involved in her estate. I was relieved because I thought this was all some big misunderstanding. I explained that I didn't know who Sarah was and that they had the wrong person. The social worker stopped me and told me that this would be difficult to hear, but explained that Sarah had listed me as the guardian of her son, ''Jack'' (also fake name) in her will, and that according to Sarah, that Jack was my son.

She explained that Sarah had been in a cycling accident and gotten a inoperable brain bleed and had about 3 days to get her affairs in order before passing. Obviously this was extremely shocking (still is tbh) and I was, and still kind of am in disbelief. The more I thought about it though, and checked social media, I remembered a girl named Sarah that I had met at a party in college when I was 19. She was from a few hours away at another school and we had never met. It was a sloppy, teenage, one-night stand (no condom). We snap chatted a few times after, but hadn't talked at all since and I had all but forgotten about her since. I didn't even know her last name. She wasn't in contact with her family when she died and apparently gotten into drugs a couple years ago so she listed me as the only guardian of Jack. The social worker told me that I was listed as the father on Jacks birth certificate, even though I was never told about him (Apparently it's legal in my province not to disclose to the father that he's going to be a father). According to the social worker, when she made her will, she was strongly encouraged by her notary to reach out to me and tell me about Jack, but for whatever reason, she just never did. Since she was the mother, legally, the choice was completely hers to make, EVEN if I was listed as the legal guardian in her will.

The social worker explained that Jack was currently in a foster home since he has no other family or next of kin. The social worker explained that the choice was completely mine to make about whether I wanted to fulfill the will and take custody of Jack. She asked if I would like to submit to a paternity test before making a decision, which I eagerly accepted. She offered to show me a picture of Jack, and go over his medical records, which I said yes to, and holy shit, this kid looks almost identical to me when I was his age. I was obviously going to wait for the paternity test results before making any legal decisions, but...I just knew; Jack was mine. A couple hours ago, the results of the test came back. He's mine.

I'm currently freaking out, scared, angry, and happy all at once. I called the social worker and said that I'd take custody of Jack. My father left me when I was a baby so I know what it's like to grow up without a dad and the last thing I want is for him to grow up in foster care, thinking I had abandoned him. I thankfully have the financial means to take care of him and to give him a comfortable life. I have absolutely no clue though how to be a parent. None of my friends my age have kids and I never had younger siblings. Even then, I'm starting with him at 5 years old. He's not a baby.

I'm driving 3 hours tomorrow to go and get him and then starting the process to gain full custody of him and I have no idea what to do when I meet him or what to do when I get home or the day after or really anything. I'm scared to call my mom and tell her that she has a grandson (I know it's going to have to happen soon though). I really don't feel like I'm ready to be a dad, but I get that I need to get into shape, quick.

I don't expect anyone to have been in the same situation, but, as parents, I'm really all-ears for any and all advice you can give me. Thanks.

EDIT: I've posted an update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskParents/comments/sb0eif/update_i_24_recently_found_out_i_have_a_5yo_son_i/

Original post

Firstly, I would like to thank y'all for the kind words and all the useful advice. I know that many of you were curious about my condition and I'm sorry for not being comfortable enough to answer some of the questions.

I've been thinking a lot since I made the last post and after discussing it with my husband and consulting different specialists (and finding out we're actually having twins) I decided to continue the pregnancy and do my absolute best to carry it to the full term. I'm perfectly aware of all the risks and complications and I'm willing to take them. But it doesn't mean it doesn't scare me, I'm terrified. And since I can't really open up to anyone in my life about it, I'd really appreciate to have anyone to talk to and maybe listen to someone else's pregnancy experiences.

This isn't in reference to repeated bad behavior or extreme or dangerous behavior.

This is about when a kid slips up and does something relatively trivial like letting a curse word slip when they're older, like 13.

Why do so many parents seem to blow up at little random things that are out of the blue?

I'm 28 and childless,but I remember my parents were screamers. And I see parents today do the same thing.

What does constantly screaming over every stupid little thing do for anyone?

I (13M) have 5 siblings (10m, 7f, 4f,4f, 2m) and my parents force me to take care of them every single day, from early in the morning until bed time. And that's really annoying. And my mom is pregnant with twins again so it's getting worse and worse..

Everyday I have to feed the three youngest breakfast and get them ready, then when we homeschool, I have to help 10m and 7f because my mom makes zero effort into homeschooling and she tells me to help them, no one helps me. Then in the afternoon I have to watch all of them and of course if one of them get in trouble or hurt themselves, I get blamed for it and I'm being punished for it.

I think that's not fair to rely on the eldest for "raising" the youngest. People should only make children when they are sure they will raise them themselves. I know for sure that I don't want children in the future.

Hello everyone! So a woman in my church just announced her 11th pregnancy. (She is pregnant every 1-2 years) Everyone at my church was clapping and excited. However, I was thinking to myself. “How does she have enough time in the day to give every child what they need mentally and emotionally?!”

As parents, do you believe that this is possible? I would love to hear actual thoughts from parents.

My 15 year old sister came to me and showed me a weird video on my stepdad’s phone: It showed him hiding a phone at the bottom of the stairs and pressing the record button before leaving. It doesn’t sound too weird, however he did this as my sister was showering and, because our shower is a floor below my sister’s bedroom, she has to walk upstairs to get changed.

The worst part is, the phone cam was positioned facing upwards (hidden slightly under a shelf at the bottom of the stairs) and my sister would have walked up in just her towel, therefore the phone would have caught something inappropriate.

Thankfully, she caught the poorly hidden phone and stopped the video before going upstairs. As soon as she went upstairs to show me, stepdad followed suit as if he was waiting to retrieve it (and seemed tense when he couldn’t find it). I quickly hid the phone under my bed and, because he didn’t want to confront the fact that he was secretly recording something, he pretended not to know and left us alone.

Before I show my mom and potentially destroy the family, I want to know if any parents think I’m horribly misreading the situation? We have known him for most of our lives and he stepped in when we lost our bio dad - he has been nothing but a father to us. Is there a valid reason? I’m just so angry and upset right now, idk what to do.

My parents wouldn't let my sister and I do certain things growing up like dye our hair or watch rated R movies.

I came to find out a few years ago that my parents didn't actually care if we did those things.

My parents hoped that by making certain small things off limits my sister and I would fulfill our teenage need to rebel by doing something harmless like dying our hair rather than drinking or drugs.

I will say this method worked like a charm for my sister and I.

Does anyone else do this with there kids? If so what things do you say no to?

We moved house last year and our new neighborhood has quite a lot of kids. 2 or 3 neighborhood kids started coming over after school and I was happy to feed them and all. The kids kept increasing in number so I started sending them home by 7, because I can't feed an additional 5 to 10 kids on top of my own.

This worked well during school days, but now they started their holidays and are allowed to stay up a bit longer and would love to play more with their friends in the evening. Other families usually eat around 9, but I feel it's a bit late for us. I'd like to have the kids in bed by 9. So I'm considering the following options:

- pushing our dinner time to 8 so they can play longer

- send kids home by 7 and tell them to come back after 30 minutes or so to play more (not ideal since it's dark out)

- let everyone play in the yard while our kids eat (not ideal since it's dark)

- Have a little "party" once or twice a week where we feed the entire crew and they can watch a movie or play together after and keep the other days for family time

- ??? Open for ideas

How do you all handle your dinner time if your kids have a lot of little friends over?

Neighbors kids are between 2 and 12 years. After 7:30pm would only be 5 -12 years.

Edit: Don't get me wrong, I like having them over and I have no issues sending or taking them home when it's time. Just wanted to give my kids a little extra time with their friends.

Update:

Since this unexpectedly kind of blew up, I'm gonna give a quick update and respond to some comments. First off, again, I don't feel bad about sending the kids home when it's time to go home and I have no problem with other parents letting their kids stay out late or eat dinner late (why would I?). No one is expecting me to feed them or babysit them. They usually come around 5 when I'm back from work and stay until 7 except weekend, so I don't have them over the whole day. All I wanted was to make the summer holidays a little special for the kids.

So after all, we decided to push dinner back to 7:30 on the regular, bedtime 9 on the regular, and once a week we do a fun day and all the kids are invited for dinner and a movie with bedtime being 10. We did the first fun day yesterday, had 8 kids over and they had a blast.

Throwaway time because my husband sometimes uses reddit. I have a weird dilemma, so I'll get straight to the point. I'm 36, and my husband is 38. We have a daughter who is currently 16, and for most of her life, she's played many sports. Started with tennis for a few years, then baseball. Didn't really love either, so around 9, she started dance and fell in love with it. She's been dancing ever since, and has even participated in a decent amount of competitions and did really well in some. However, shortly after her sweet sixteen that she had with a bunch of her friends from school and her studio, my husband came out of nowhere and said that he didn't want her to do dance anymore, and he said this at the dinner table just a few days after the party

Both of us were surprised; her coming off of one of the most memorable days of her life. It came out of nowhere, and we both believed he was joking, since he was always one to crack a lot of them. However, he wasn't, and his usual smirk wasn't there. She could hardly believe it, and he asked to speak with me alone. I told him that since he bought it up in front of both of us, that he should explain what he meant to both of us too. But, he refused and sent her to her room, and I told her that I would visit her when we were done

So, we began talking, and he seemed very uncomfortable. When I asked him where he was coming from, he said that he wanted her to focus on finding a job, to which I asked why she couldn't do both at the same time. Heck, she even offered to used her allowance to help us pay for classes that were sometimes challenging with our budget, something that touched me and made me use my savings instead. She worked hard, loved the sport, and was just coming off the happiest time of her life. However, he said that he "didn't want her to succumb to what many girls do". I asked him what he meant, and he explained that if a girl struggled to find a job, that she'd "translate her dance skills into pole dancing and becoming a stripper", along with how he didn't want her to "become lazy by having that to fall back on"

Never once had I seen him act/speak in this manner. I was insulted (and I believe rightfully so), and I couldn't believe that he was saying this about his own daughter. I didn't know where this was coming from, and he had never acted like this before. However, he continued, saying that as she reached another age milestone, "the temptation would arise to use her dancing in more provocative ways" that would "take away from the pureness of her skill", and I retreated upstairs as soon as he said this. Not to my room, but to hers, and I was crying. She seemed scared and didn't know why I was crying. I couldn't tell her, although I knew it would probably come out somehow, but I couldn't do it then until I had my mind straight. So, I just continued for moments upon end until he came upstairs, opened the door, and said that he was joking. I was so confused and almost wanted to curse him out, but she asked what could've happened to make me cry like that, to which he said nothing and asked if she wanted to grab some ice cream to cheer everyone up. She asked if I wanted to go, still confused but not prying at the moment, but I decided to stay home and recommended that she did too, but he convinced her to go, so I went... not wanting them to be alone, due to fear of what he'd say, although he had never once said/done anything remotely abusive (to my knowledge) until that evening

The rest of the night was quiet. He bought ice cream, then seconds, and then we went home, and she called up some of her friends. She seemed disturbed the whole time, but trying to convince herself that everything was fine... that this was another of his jokes, but it didn't make sense. Something was off, and I couldn't put my finger on it

Until two days later when he went off to work. He works 10-6, and my job works at home at this moment during the pandemic, alternating who goes into the office on certain days, and this was my week to stay home and work virtually. I tried my best to focus, but my mind was on his words and the way he walked them back, as if they had never come out at all. Something was off, so I decided to call my mom while the house was empty... the only one I'd talk to about the issue, along with my dad. She was also stunned to hear about what I just told you, saying that it didn't fit the character of the man they had knew for so long. I told them both on speakerphone, and my dad suggested that he might be seeing somebody else, and just hearing him say that was like a sword through my chest. I asked him what I should do, trying to be strong for the sake of not just me, but our daughter, to which he recommended looking through our room when he wasn't there, just to make sure since it can't hurt. He also said that I "had all the right to be suspicious after what he said", and I told him that I would, although I didn't want to. But still, I did... but what I found after getting off the phone seemed worst than that to me, and it still does now

I began searching our room, under the bed and other cabinets, inside draws and dressers and such. However, once I went into his closet and began moving shirts around to try and get to some of the bags on the bottom, I felt my hand hit something hard against one of the suit jacket pockets, so I decided to investigate and eventually found a phone that had no service, but was connected to wifi upon turning it on (I don't know much about routers and such... he and my daughter always fiddle with it to try and make her online gaming less lag or however they put it). After it came on, it had only a little battery left, and I had never seen the device ever before. It was a Galaxy phone, but it didn't look new. I then opened the messages, and there were none, probably because it was disconnected from service. From there, I opened up the photos app, and what I found was even worse than what I had imagined. There were photos of 'women' and what you can probably imagine, but what made my heart sink, was the inclusion of paused-photos of our daughter from various performances/practices from over the years that we used to film for memory's sake of her childhood... paused-photos of her in the middle of certain skills, and in the midst of everything else, I dropped the phone and began to cry again

I called my parents back and asked them what I should do. I asked if I should confront him, but dad said no for the safety of me and my daughter, instead offering for me to pick her up from school and NOT tell her the situation until we arrived at their home that was upstate. So, I did just that. Picked her up, met our parents, but we decided to talk amongst ourselves BEFORE telling her... although we knew that we would have to tell her at some point, since all the secrets was starting to eat away at her demanor. So, after we finished talking, I said that we should talk to her immediately after, considering we just pulled her out of school midday to bring her there. But, as we were talking, he was calling us the entire time, wondering where we went, since the Ring doorbell showed that I left and didn't return. I was ignoring his calls while we were talking, but before we spoke to her, my dad decided to call him back beforehand and ask him directly about it

My husband picked up, and dad told him about the phone (that we had with us) and the photos on it, along with how his daughter would find out about the photos and what he did, as soon as we got off the phone with him, regardless of what he said. My husband was stunned, quickly admitting that he said what he said about stopping her dance, because he was trying to meet with people to cure his addiction and whatnot. He then said that he would drive up to see us, but dad said that he would have the police alerted for tresspassing beforehand, if he did that, along with informing him that he was on our timetable. Dad said he would get a lawyer and that he was on his way regardless, then hanging up, but he would never come, as it was pretty late at night. We then spoke to her about what happened, and she's been destroyed since yesterday, even worse than the day when he first said what he said at the dinner table

And that's where I am now. That phone call happened yesterday, and I'm still at my dad's place. My husband keeps texting me that he's in contact with a lawyer, and my dad says that he'll help us get one as well. However, my daughter is destroyed, and she won't talk to me or them or anyone... including her friends. She just sits upstairs in the guest room and occasionally talks to me, maybe once a day when I bring her food. She asks me why did God create her to be a sl&%, and other things like that, which I try to ensure her aren't true, but she refuses to hear me and says she never wants to dance again, along with refusing to do her hair, morning hygiene, eating like usually, and wearing more baggier clothes (which I have no issue with... but I don't want it to be because she's ashamed of herself, because of what he said)

I know my relationship with my husband is over, but I don't know if I can ever repair what's lost with my daughter who most recently said that she wants to cut her hair. I'm just so lost, and I don't know what to do

TL;DR: My husband has been secretly cataloging paused-photos of my daughter's dance performances/practices, alongside other 'women', on his burner phone that I recently found out about