My (34F) boyfriend (34M) has a history with a previous marriage where he was sexually neglected to the point it's a genuine trauma now. Since then, he's pursued submissive women, and almost exclusively open relationships or FWB so he feels in control of getting sex. If one woman isn't in the mood or available, he had others he could reach out to.

When we met, I made it clear I only date in monogamous relationships. He pursued me and ended things with everyone else because he found an emotional connection with me he didn't have with his FWBs.

I have asked him if he can be happy with me when I'm not a submissive woman. I have a career where the women he dated and his previous wife didn't work, he provided everything. I make significantly more money than him, which he has mentioned several times bothers him. Yet when I ask if he can truly be happy with me, he tells me it's nice to not have the weight of having to provide solely on his shoulders, it's nice to have a woman that's so intelligent, someone with drive and ambition, and that he absolutely fell in love with how I put myself through graduate school and have accomplished everything on my own.

Yet, we have arguments all the time if I ever say anything that isn't 100% praising him. On Monday I told him I wanted salad for dinner, he made soup full of carbs, and it was delicious and I praised him for how delicious it was and left it at that. On Tuesday he made burritos, I ate one, told him it was really good (it was), but that I'm dieting and it's not on my diet. It's been days and he won't look at me because he says I told him that he was wrong in cooking for me (I never did, and have told him at least 2 dozen times, no exaggeration, since then that I don't think he's wrong) and rejected his act of service for me, and am guilting him because I reminded him that I've been telling him for 4 months that I'm dieting.

Edit: I'm starting to lose hope here. He's now upset because we aren't having sex (it's been 4 days), but we aren't having sex because he won't even look at me. Says he wants me to initiate it when he's mad to get him out of the funk, but the last time he was mad at me I got on top of him and offered him a blowjob and he refused because he was mad at me. So this relationship is lose-lose I guess.

Update: we broke up. He kept asking for sexual things that he knows I'm semi uncomfortable with, but I agreed to try. Then he insisted he should be able to have sex with me even at 2am if he wakes up horny, even if I'm asleep. When I said no, he said it won't work out because he won't be made to feel guilty because he got horny in the middle of the night. And I told him that wanting my basic needs met, like sleeping, is not guilting him and I'm done as well.

I see a lot of hottest physical things but I wanna know what the hottest thing that’s been done for or to you emotionally if that makes sense.

I have this question after receiving a very specific compliment from men whilst I've been dating.

I've been told by three men recently that they love that I look natural and how refreshing it is. Firstly, I find it confusing because I very visibly wear makeup, have highlights in my hair and wear acrylic nails. I'd never describe myself as "natural" but that's kind of besides the point.

Anyway, with all three of these men, I noticed on social media that the accounts they follow and the pictures they like are of surgically enhanced women who don't look natural at all. So there's clearly a difference between the type of woman they're attracted to and the type of woman they want to date. But why? I don't think I see women splitting men into two categories I.e. men I'm attracted to vs men I'd want to be in a relationship with.

What's men's logic behind this?

Sorry if this is a stupid question but i kind of dont get it. All you hear nowadays is about how almost impossible it is to get a girlfriend, how everyone has insane expectations and will reject/ghost you at the slightest issue. You need a good career, good place, workout, be tall and handsome etc or you will be extremely miserable. All of this for a girl who you cant even show vulnerabilities around or she will leave you.

Obviously i never dated and i dont get it. If its so shit and terrible why even do it ? Even guys in relationships complain how much it all sucks. So why ? Is it geniuenly just for sex ?

I’m curious about what men truly value in a woman when it comes to choosing a long-term partner.

Beyond physical attraction, what qualities make you think, “This is someone I want to build a life with”?

Is it emotional maturity, kindness, intelligence, loyalty, ambition, compatibility, or something else?

I’d love to hear your honest thoughts and personal experiences.

Not a lot of backstory needed here. I’m in a relatively new relationship with my boyfriend. We are long distance but fortunate enough to have schedules that allow us to travel and see each other for long periods of time. I’m 23 F and this is the first relationship I’ve been in that actually feels like it may be the one. I just want to do anything and everything in my power to make sure he feels loved and secure. Just wondering if there’s any personal experiences you can recall of things women have done for you that have made you feel so loved and appreciated. Big or small. Doesn’t need to pertain to my situation either, if you just want to share a story, that’s welcomed as well and I would love to read it. Thanks in advance <3

I (28F) recently started dating again after quite some time, and I’m genuinely curious to hear other people’s perspectives on something I’ve experienced more than once.

I met this guy with whom I had great chemistry. I was honestly very attracted to him, amd he really shown that it was reciprocal ( or at least it seemed that way to
Me) and our dates were going really well. However, something he did on two separate occasions gave me a really weird feeling.

The first time, we were talking about a movie I’d recently watched starring Dakota Johnson. He started commenting on how attractive she was, which I initially thought was completely fine since we were discussing the movie anyway.
But then he kept going. Talking about how incredibly hot she was, how well done her cosmetic surgery was, how perfect she looked, and then moving on to how the other actresses in the movie were also super hot.
At some point, I laughed and said something along the lines of, “Okay, that’s enough.”

Then, on another date, he did it again!!
This time, completely unprompted, he started talking about Sydney Sweeney. How insanely hot she was, how even though he didn’t particularly like her as a person, she was physically perfect. Then Jessica Alba came up too, with more comments about how gorgeous she was.

And listen, I have eyes. I KNOW these women are beautiful. That’s really not the point here.
This time, I genuinely asked him, “Why? Why would you talk about how hot another woman is while you’re on a date with me?” He changed the subject then…

Now, to be clear, I’m not expecting someone I’m dating to suddenly stop finding other women attractive. That would be ridiculous. I also don’t consider myself particularly jealous or insecure about other women’s appearances.

But I genuinely cannot understand the thought process behind repeatedly telling someone you’re romantically pursuing how insanely attractive you find other women, especially when nobody asked.
I would never think of sitting across from a guy I’m interested in and randomly going on about how hot some actor is, how amazing his body looks, or how physically perfect he is.

For context, we went on three dates in total. I’ve since stopped seeing him because he cancelled our next date and never made an effort to reschedule…😒

So, particularly to the men here:
Why would a guy do this?

And ladies, have you experienced this too? How did you interpret it?

Why do some men put in so much effort in the beginning - time, attention, affection, everything—and then gradually go down to almost zero once the woman gets attached?
Is it ego, enjoying being chased, or simply taking her for granted? Or do they genuinely become comfortable and don’t even realise how drastically their effort has changed?
Could it also be that the version they show in the beginning is their “best” version, while the person they become later is actually their real self? I’d genuinely like to hear different perspectives on this.

I don't mind paying on the first date since I'm usually the one asking her out.

What starts to wear on me is when we've been seeing each other for a few weeks and she never even offers to split a coffee or grab the next round. I'm not keeping score or expecting a perfect 50/50, but a little effort goes a long way.

Dating isn't cheap, and covering every dinner multiple times a week adds up fast.

Even something small like, "I'll get dessert," or "Let me pay for the drinks," makes me feel like she's actually invested too.

Curious what other guys think. Is it still expected that the guy pays for everything, or would this be a red flag for you as well?

What made you fall for that girl?

Hey i need some advice. My gf and I have been together for 5 years. Just last night I went through her phone. I’m not proud of it, but we were at a low point and I felt weak. I see a conversation with her friend who was sending her texts in spanish. The text from her friend translated to “the devil was in my bed last night.” To which my gf responded…”send him my way”. Her friend then said “he wants a 3sum”. We were 2 years deep when these messages were sent. I am just now finding this out. I confronted her about it and her first instinct right away was to say “that conversation was before you.” I had to then show her receipts that we were in fact 2 years deep..so WHAT THE FUCK ARE YALL TALKING ABOUT???

I actually broke up with an ex over that, to me it's a dealbreaker in a relationship, I genuinely lose interest and respect for someone who did that especially because they knew the other party was already married/in a relationship but continued anyways.

Is that too much of a high standard?

I could really use someone who has been through something similar to talk to.

My wife of 11 years admitted to me this morning she cheated on me last night and did it because she wanted to separate but took the cowards way out as she couldn't do it properly.

We have two kids under 10, mid 30s, now it's just me and the kids in the house after she left.

She admitted that she's always felt like she settled down too young and has had resentment that she missed out on her 20s and getting to live a bit wild.

I'm trying so hard to hold it together for the kids but I have to work, juggle my emotions, try and answer their tough questions, and I feel like I'm drowning.

This has been the worst day of my life and all I want is to be able to be there for my boys but it already feels too hard.

I just want to drink to try and block it out but that'll only have a negative effect on my ability to deal with the kids come the morning. Has anyone been through anything like this? This feels impossible, I just don't know how I can do it but I need to for my boys

Update: I woke up. 3 hours sleep which is more than I thought I would get as I laid awake at 3am.

The tightness in my chest is back, head is swirling with painful thoughts but my kids came into bed for cuddles and are now playing nicely in their room while I attempt to shake off the grogginess.

Thanks to everyone who sent a really nice message, it's made me feel a tiny bit happier knowing there's a bunch of Internet strangers to share my pain with and some of the words and advice have been touching. ❤️

We had a baby a few months ago and have recently resumed bedtime activities. I had no idea breast milk could be arousing until she was on top and soaked me. She is 28 and a stunner, ran track at Ohio, and is a PA at the local hospital. She is a smoke show but I’ve never been more attracted to her as I am when there is milk dripping from her nipples and down her belly, the extra weight in her hips and breasts from pregnancy signaling fertility and driving me mad in the most primal way. She told me she loves it when I drink her milk during sex and I am in heaven. It relieves pressure for her, makes her feel powerful and feminine, and it is the most delicious and sexy thing I’ve ever tasted. I love seeing her happy and confident, especially postpartum. She asked if I would suckle her in a non sexual setting and that has become the norm for us. I don’t know if other couples do this but it’s so damn sensual and erotic and we look forward to it everyday. Am I weird for being this obsessed with her milk?

Are there any apps where average looking guys get matches or is it just the same story everywhere no matter where you go? Gonna be honest I don't think I'm unattractive but I'm not handsome level. I've tried a few of the big apps and it just feels like unless you're in that top percentage looks wise you barely get any matches and the ones you do get don't really go anywhere. Conversations fizzle out fast or just never really start, it's frustrating because I'm not even looking for anything crazy, just someone to talk to and see where things go. But most of these apps feel so appearance based that it's hard to even get your foot in the door if you're just a regular looking guy.

I (21F) recently met someone (25M) who feels like the love of my life. We fell for each other very quickly, and the connection feels extremely deep — like we truly understand and value each other. He seems like one of the most loyal, kind, and honest people I’ve ever met.

The other day, we were talking about relationships and cheating, and he admitted that he once cheated when he was 19. Back then, his relationship was falling apart, they were fighting all the time, and he met someone else (who was also in a relationship). He says he felt horrible about it, regrets it deeply, and only told me because he wants to be 100% honest with me from the beginning.

On the one hand, I admire him for telling me this instead of hiding it. On the other hand, it completely shook me. I can’t stop thinking: If he’s done it once, could he do it again? Especially because we are about to be in a long-distance relationship, which is already hard enough.

He genuinely comes across as loyal, sensitive, and someone who “loves hard” when he commits. He also told me stories about how badly his ex treated him, yet he stayed loyal and tried everything to make it work. That’s why this revelation feels so conflicting. I used to see him as my “perfect guy,” but now I feel insecure and even a little scared that I’m the one in danger of being hurt if things get tough between us.

I know people grow and change, and he’s not 19 anymore. He’s 25 now and seems more mature and self-aware. But I can’t shake off the fear, especially with the old saying: “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Can someone who cheated when they were young still be truly loyal later in life? How do you rebuild trust when you love someone but fear history repeating itself?

Why do some men continue dealing with a woman knowing they don’t feel the same way she does? Especially when they know she’s emotionally invested. Is it because they genuinely care about her, enjoy the companionship, or simply don’t want to lose access to her? I’m curious to hear a man’s perspective on this.

If this doesn’t belong here, please point me to communities that can help!

I (45/F) have recently started dating. I’ve had sex with two men (both 40) and neither can stay hard or cum when we have sex. One says he has nerve issues for which he takes medication and it’s not just me. I have only had sex with the other once, and he alternated between being hard and soft throughout. I asked him if he could cum, and he said, “Maybe later.” ??? Both have continued to talk to me, spend time with me, pursue me…so I’m confused. Is it me? Help me understand - after 20 years of marriage, I really don’t know how sex should work when dating new men.

Im genuinely curious about your perspective on dating women.
Women often talk about how difficult it is to find a genuinely good man or someone who is “relationship material.” Do men have the same experience with women? Is it easy to meet women you would actually want a serious relationship with, or is finding a genuinely good woman harder than people think?
And what makes a woman “girlfriend material” to you? What qualities make you think, “I could actually see myself building a life with this woman”?
I’m also curious about communication. Do you appreciate a woman who openly communicates her feelings, needs and experiences in a relationship, or can that eventually feel overwhelming or exhausting?
And finally, who do you think sets the pace for commitment in a relationship — the man or the woman?

Do you still think of her? How have your relationships been since that woman and how do you honestly feel about women since?

Edit: I'm not responding to everyone, but I'm truly appreciating all the heartfelt comments and self awareness and reflection in them.

I’ve always wondered about this. Do men genuinely have that one woman they look back on and think, “Damn, I really messed that up,” or is it just something we romanticize because we want to believe we left that kind of impact on someone?

And if she does exist, what makes her the one that got away?

I also wonder whether men actually miss the woman herself or the idea of what their life could have been with her?

Because I feel like a lot of us women secretly want to believe we’re that woman to someone. 😂 The one he compares others to, the one he occasionally thinks about years later, the one he realizes he should’ve treated differently.

So men, be honest... Have you ever had a woman you genuinely consider “the one that got away”? What made her different, and do you still think about her?

I’m a professional guy who went into online dating relatively inexperienced, with my last relationship ending many years ago in college. Goal was to find a genuine partner, settle down. Not interested in casual relationships or hooking up.

About a year ago, I assumed that if you were educated, financially responsible, reasonably put together and genuinely interested in commitment, finding a relationship was mostly a matter of putting yourself out there and eventually meeting someone compatible.

My experience over the last year has changed that view quite a bit - from cautious optimism to pessimism.

I used Hinge, Tinder and a purpose built marriage app on and off for roughly one year. I wasn’t getting zero attention, I got matches, likes and a handful of dates, but the conversion from “people on the app” → “someone I’m attracted to” → “mutual attraction” → “compatible” → “actually dates me” was tiny.

Real life was also far far harder. The occasional flirting at a bar, exchange of numbers/socials was a very unreliable way of landing dates.

Hobby groups I went to largely had older gentleman, or married couples (hiking and bouldering). I made lots of friends with dudes and married couples.

In terms of getting App Likes and Matches, Tinder took the lead, ironically. Once you filtered off the “Short term fun” women, there were a lot of genuine women Most of my matches and dates came from Tinder. I think the casual nature of Tinder meant people were more open to testing the waters w an imperfect match, as opposed to the more formal/serious apps, which seem to make people more picky.

A few things:
• Career/education/stability seem much less important for generating initial attraction than I assumed.
• Serious intent doesn’t bypass normal dating dynamics.
• Becoming more social actually made me more aware of being unusual. In professional workplaces, most average men around my age seem to already be partnered, and with ease.
• Seeing men who are less physically fit, unattractive, less professionally/financially established than me but much more successful romantically made me feel horrible.
• Real life events are very hard to gain traction with, especially in today’s age where everyone is super insular.
• Single women are uncommon in everyday life. If a woman is single, my assumption is she’s single by choice.
• Dating seems much more constrained by things like appearance, personality, timing and demographics than I previously appreciated.

• The biggest change, though, is that I’ve stopped assuming a relationship is something that will inevitably happen if I just keep trying.

Dating itself has generally felt more draining than rewarding, and is an extremely brutal marketplace.

So my current position is basically: Get off the apps, stop humiliating myself with real life events, and stop seeing a relationship as a viable reality.

Where I’m unsure is whether I’ve learned something realistic, or whether one frustrating year has made me overgeneralise.

For people who dated seriously in their late 20s/30s, especially men who started relatively inexperienced, did you go through a similar shift?
Did your view change again later?

i’m a girl with smaller boobs and honestly it’s something i’ve always been a little self-conscious about like it makes me of a woman i guess😵‍💫😵‍💫. ik it sounds vain, but obviously physical attraction is a big part of dating and i sometimes wonder if it’s putting me at a disadvantage.
on social media bigger boobs are always praised, while smaller boobs rarely or almost never get appreciation. it makes me wonder if men genuinely find them attractive or if they’re just something they’re willing to overlook.
are there guys who actually prefer smaller boobs? like, would you genuinely choose a girl with smaller boobs over a girl with bigger boobs?

my male friend told me once "tell a woman a compliment she will be like ok thanks, tell it a man he will remember it forever. we don't receive the compliments you women do and we always appreciate it" is it true???