Please don't take this the wrong way - I often feel cats are kinda autistic.

They always notice loud or high pitched noises and other sounds that I also don't like (the crinkle noises of light plastic bags for example).

They like cool, dark places.

They notice when things get moved around.

(and take time to get used to the change and accept it)

They don't meow just to socialize (usually). They only 'talk' when there's something wrong that needs attention.

Cats seem sensitive to their environments in many of the same ways I am.

They know when I'm upset and will come lay on my lap and purr when I had a bad day.

They'll nuzzle me when i've zoned out or when I'm focusing too hard and not paying attention to anything else. It's like they know.

I just wanted to know if anyone else has noticed this. Cats usually like me, and people will even say things like "my cat doesn't usually like other people, but they sure like you". I've even joked I feel I'm part cat. I know almost instinctively whether they are okay with being touched or are upset and can't tolerate it, and when they change that. Other people say cats scratch them for rubbing their bellies for too long or whatever and that's confusing to me. How do they not notice that? Cats are very obvious about that. I'd like to think I am too but my experiences with people say otherwise.

Cat owners, what do you think?

My girlfriend frequently has meltdowns when frustrated or overwhelmed, and the one thing that really makes her feel better is me comforting her, giving her hugs, stuff like that. The problem is that she often lashes out at me in her frustration, and then I feel hurt and don't feel like comforting her, which then spirals into both of us feeling miserable until I do something about it.

For example, last night she was having trouble putting in an earring. She was in the bathroom and I could hear her getting frustrated and crying. I went in there and asked if she wanted me to try to help. She did, but I couldn't get it and she then started getting frustrated with me and lashing out at me. I just left and laid in bed. She started sobbing more and slamming things, and I knew she probably just really wanted me to go and comfort her, but I didn't feel like I could because I felt too bad over how she treated me. She eventually came and laid in bed and I cuddled her and things slowly got better.

Then this morning she asked if I could make her some toast with cheese on it. I did and when I gave it to her she immediately became upset because I had not used the bread she wanted and said I should have asked her first if that was the bread she wanted me to use (I did not know we had different bread). She stomped into the kitchen and slammed the plate on the table and started toasting her other bread. She was then upset because I seemed upset. I mean, of course I was upset. I just made her food, and instead of showing an ounce of appreciation she threw a fit and told me how I screwed up. I think an appropriate response would have been, "Oh no, I was actually wanting you to use the other bread. But, it's okay, I should have specified."

Now she is in the other room sighing and clearly upset because she knows that I am upset. She will stay like this until I go hug her and tell her it's okay. What am I supposed to do in these situations? Does anyone have any insight or methods to resolve these situations? I try my best to remain calm and I have a lot of patience with her, but her lack of accountability and the zero emotional support and comfort I receive is taking its toll. I'm tired of always being the one who has to make things right. Any time I try to calmly explain to her my feelings she takes it as an attack and it turns into an argument.

If you are conducting research and wish to recruit participants here, please contact the sub via modmail.

Studies targeting PARENTS, SIBLINGS, CAREGIVERS, THERAPISTS are not going to be permitted.
Studies providing TREATMENT TO MINOR CHILDREN are also not permitted.

Studies that are permitted are those that can be directly responded to or enrolled in by an autistic person. If the person doing the enrolling is not the autistic person themselves, the study is not appropriate for this sub.

It's a trick question.
When people ask you this, you're supposed to say "good" they don't actually give a shit about how your day was.
What trips me up is even though I know that's how it works, my brain still processes it as a question.

I don't have a problem with the autism creature, but I'm curious on how the autism community decided that this little guy would be a symbol of autism.

10 months ago I posted looking for support about my autistic (now ex) husband, who did not respect my boundaries, raped me once years ago, and constantly sexually assaulted me. I posted hoping for help and support, and I got it in a completely unexpected way - you told me it wasn't him being autistic that was the problem, it was him being an arsehole, and that I should leave him. It took another 8.5 months, because I'm not a quitter and I tried to make it work, but it's over, I'm safe, and my daughter is safe. I'm now dating someone new who constantly tells me stuff I bring up that my ex did is not normal (e.g. getting aroused and hard when I cry was a recent one), and the stuff my current partner does is just basic respect, and I want to cry with how safe I feel.

So thank you all, you helped me leave an abusive relationship and helped me to better see my worth. It has taken a while, but I'm so much calmer and happier. I will inevitably be back though as I'm pretty sure my daughter is on the spectrum!

I'm pretty sure most of us know what Boys vs Girls memes are, but there is also another variant emerging from Youtube featuring autism. The "girl with autism" is almost always the red girl with "flappy hands" and music in the background, while the boy is doing something extreme like weightlifting or stunts. As a male who was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD in the past, I cannot stand most Boys vs Girls memes in general because of gender stereotypes involving "girls basic boys quirky," but there are reasons why I find the autism variant just wrong:

1. I feel like they're treating autism as a "quirky" trait; it's hard to explain, but while I do appreciate that they're not demonizing autism, it rubs me the wrong way on how they romanticize it.

2. It seems that that they're trying to downplay girls with autism, especially since they're often underdiagnosed and there are more strict behavior expectations towards girls in a historical sense.

3. The boys doing extreme stuff aren't strictly autism-related; while autism does not hinder the ability to perform amazing tasks, I'm pretty sure (almost) anyone could do such things if they work hard and have the passion for it (although results will vary, but for the most part, everyone possess at least one talent).

4. ASD is a spectrum, and while there may be some gender differences between men and women, for the most part, it varies via person. These memes treat it too much like a binary.

5. They're always using the same red girl from Tiktok who was accused of faking autism. It's as if they're really trying to push the belief that all girls fake mental health.

I've once ranted in one of those posts, and I was called a "snowflake" and stuff like that.

So what are your thoughts? What do you think of those "boys vs girls" memes?

There have been multiple instances here recently of parents/siblings of autistic people making top level comments on questions here. It’s entirely possible people are confusing here with r/autism and aren’t looking what sub they are using, but want to remind people what Allistic/NT people can and cannot do here:

Allistic and NT people can make posts. They can participate in lower level comments. They cannot directly answer people’s questions.

I dont care about the downvotes. But someone claimed that my response was ableist. Is that true?

Im just looking for some honest feedback to see what exactly was wrong with my statement.

I am a neurotypical person in a relationship with someone on the autistic spectrum, and I am struggling to adapt to, and cope with their behaviour.

For the majority of the time, my partner is the sweetest, kindest, and most gentle person that I have ever known. However, during periods of high stress, she is prone to meltdowns, and her frustration manifests itself as anger towards myself. I try so hard to understand her and the causes of these meltdowns, but the level of anger directed towards me can be overwhelmingly hurtful and is increasingly difficult to deal with.

Causes of recent meltdowns include: me not being rigorous enough with cleaning, the suggestion that we might deviate from our plans for an evening, me either preparing food in a way that she doesn't like, or even just the suggestion of this.

This always occurs during periods of high stress, and these perceived transgressions merely precipitate a meltdown. I do my best to try and anticipate and manage this, but it is becoming exhausting, and I feel like I am walking on eggshells at times.

The main problem for me is that her frustration is redirected as anger and resentment towards me. A reoccurring theme is that I do not think nor care about her, which is incredibly hurtful. These periods of hatred towards me can be extremely long in duration, usually lasting for between 12 and 24 hours, and they leave me totally emotionally exhausted.

My partner was diagnosed with ASD as a child, but it seems to have been something that her parents brushed off to one side, and she doesn't seem to really have an understanding of her own autism. This, I feel, complicates any attempts to find solutions to our problems.

Any advice on how to proceed with managing these meltdowns would be very welcome.

It’s like watching two different children. He is so talkative, sociable, and at ease around adults (and to an extent younger children), but once kids his age (8-9) start trying to interact with him it’s like he shuts down and becomes super quiet. It’s not that he doesn’t know how to communicate or hold a conversation. I’m just curious what could be going on in his head when he’s approached by kids his age and why does it seem like a switch flips in his brain?

I realize I could also just ask him directly. I just don’t want to make him unnecessarily uncomfortable about his social skills any more than he may already be.

I run a large Discord community and we often have movie and game nights. I'm fully aware that a lot of the community is on the autism spectrum and I aim to be welcoming and inclusive. I have a common problem where a new person will join a voice chat session and monopolize the entire conversation and talk over other people, including myself. It's frustrating for the other people who want to participate equally and it's frustrating for me, especially when I'm trying to DM a game or keep things rolling and I get steamrolled by someone.

They are usually nice people and I'd love for them to participate with the group and I know that their intention is to make friends and they aren't trying to be annoying. It's an awkward situation for me because I don't want to feel like anyone's mom or talk down to someone or tell an adult how to act and I have pretty bad social anxiety myself so by the time I am ready to say something I'm usually a bit flustered and frustrated. I could DM them privately, but I don't know what I'd say to them that wouldn't make them feel bad or like they are being singled out.

Do you guys have any advice on how I could communicate that they need to not monopolize the conversation and let everyone have a turn to talk and not to talk over other people while not making them feel unwelcomed or embarrassed or like we don't value their input? Subtle attempts at saying things like "oh you cut off that person, I think they were trying to say something" doesn't get through to them beyond that specific moment.

Again, my aim is to be welcoming, inclusive and create an environment where everyone is having fun. Thanks in advance for any advice.

I'm planning on saying how it doesn't teach the patient to handle their symptoms, but instead to change their symptoms into more socially acceptable but more damaging ones like self harm, isolation, and suicide. I have a few personal examples lined up. I'm also going to call out Autism Speaks for supporting this and not having any autistic board members. If you have anything to add please tell me.

Due to this subreddit (amongst others) being affected by a very prolific, ban evading troll, I have no choice but to set a minimum account age for participation here.

If you made your account within the past couple of days, your post will now be automatically removed. You will need to wait until your account is older to post. I won't give an exact age in order to avoid reverse-engineering.

I have been feeling really conflicted lately. I do not have ASD but I try my best to understand how I can be an effective ally to the community and learn about what is harmful to avoid doing it and discourage it amongst others.

I personally am not a fan of Elon Musk, and I think there are endless reasons to legitimately criticize/satirize him. What I get uncomfortable about is when the satire begins picking on Musk’s speech pattern/mannerisms (aside from the salute because that’s just BS). The most specific example that stands out to me is Mike Myers on SNL doing an impression of Elon by “glitching out” like a robot, but it’s a trend I’m seeing quite a bit on social media as well.

I guess my question is, wouldn’t these jokes still be harmful to other people with ASD whose mannerisms may happen to be similar to Elon’s? Is it suddenly less harmful if everyone knows the person being joked about is a horrible person? Is it just people showing their previously less-obvious ableism or is it generally more accepted when the target is someone who is actively stripping other people of their dignity and humanity?

I don’t know many people in general as I’m terrible at putting myself out there, so the very few people I do know (literally just my small family and 2 acquaintances) do not have any ASD diagnoses. That’s not to say no one I know is on the spectrum, it’s just that no one in my life has ever sought a diagnosis so I don’t have a way of asking this in my personal life but I still want to base my opinions on what the people actually affected are feeling about this. From the online/public reactions I see to these kinds of jokes, I haven’t encountered anyone raising the concern I have so I’m also wondering if I’m just not seeing people who are talking about this or if I’m really just caring too much on behalf of people who don’t need me to and didn’t ask me to, which I know can also be just as harmful as not caring at all.

Hey everyone. I'm feeling extremely concerned about RFK's plan to form a government data base of autistic people.

Does anyone know what legal rights we have about private medical information or how to avoid getting on the government registry?

https://newrepublic.com/post/194245/rfk-jr-disease-registry-track-autistic-people

What are some of the challenges? Do you have a hard time relating to/disciplining/communicating with your child? What are some of the best and worst parts of being autistic while raising someone who’s not?

Recently I’ve become insecure about how my autistic traits make me seem childish. Whenever I unmask my tone gets higher, I stim by skipping, and much more. I’m afraid this will negatively impact how my peers view me. Does anyone else have this problem?

As I said in the title, my stepdaughter was just diagnosed and her parents (i am married to her father) don't want to tell her. I think that keeping this a secret from her is going to make things worse in the future.

She obviously knew she was being evaluated for something. It was a months-long process in which her parents were interviewed and she had to attend a 3 hour long session during which a psychologist interviewed her and learned about her. She was told it was to evaluate for ADHD (untrue- it was entirely because of suspected autism) and hasn't asked about it since.

I don't believe autism should be seen as anything but a fact. She is autistic and needs different support than what she is getting so she can be her best, happiest self. Her parents seem to be attaching shame to her diagnosis and I am worried that she is going to feed off that shame when she inevitably finds out she is autistic.

She has been going to therapy for about 8 years for depression, anxiety, and to deal with bullying at school and her parents divorce. She is very sensitive and struggles with being taken advantage of and stumbling into hurting other people's feelings. I was hoping that with her new diagnosis Her therapist would be able to help empower her to do things like learn to drive or give her the tools to feel her emotions but not let them get the best of her when she is upset.

I am completely shocked to hear her therapist feels the same way as her parents and doesn't want to tell her. She is going to be 18 in less than 2 years and will have access to all of her medical records. She is going to find out her parents lied to her.

Am I overreacting? I love her and I do not want her to feel betrayed or ashamed for something that does not need to be hidden or shameful.

Please share your experiences and any advice.

I tried to keep this short but I am happy to provide any additional information if anyone needs clarification.

Also, I am relevatively new to this so if I need to change my wording or outlook please (kindly) correct me. I am here to learn and be the best stepmom I can be.

**Update: I spoke with my husband today and showed him this thread with everyone's replies. He has set up an appointment with the therapist for tomorrow to create a plan for telling my stepdaughter about her diagnosis. He has admitted it will be best for her to know and has done his best to get his ex wife on board. Either way, he and the therapist are moving forward with telling my stepdaughter and getting her the right support.

Thank you for your reply and insights. All of the responses really mean so much.

(I'm leaving this reply on everyone's comments too because you were all so helpful and thoughtful with your responses!!)

This sub can be a great place to learn about autism and autistic people.

However, we've had some people coming here lately that are having interpersonal difficulties or some trauma inflicted upon them by the other party, and they come here looking for advice/processing. They make statements where "I believe this person is autistic" and look for ways that this person supposedly being autistic is the root of the trauma inflicted upon them.

These posts aren't allowed for a few reasons:

1. It's completely inappropriate to assume someone is autistic when they've never told you they are. Autism isn't the root of all shitty behavior or lack of empathy or poor social skills or what have you. There are many, many reasons someone may have those traits, some of which boil down to that person just being a shithead. So trying to process that experience through the lens of "they must be autistic" is harmful to the autistic community as a whole because you're making some very negative assumptions about autistic people as a whole when the person you're dealing with may not even be autistic (and often times, probably isn't).

2. This really isn't a vent forum and the primary purpose of the sub is for people to learn about autism. It's not a great place for trauma processing. I don't deny that the trauma people have experienced interacting with these people is very real, it's just that this isn't the right venue to have very individual discussions about interpersonal trauma, specifically, ones that have at best tangential relation to autism. If you're looking to talk about what happened, that's better off happening at the various other subreddits intended for that purpose (ie. cptsd, relationshipanxiety), or better yet, with a licensed professional in real life.

So going forward, if you have a beef with someone that "I suspect they're autistic" - please don't bring it here.

TL;DR: Very in love with autistic early 30s boyfriend. The frequency of the meltdowns is increasing a LOT. Lately if I bring up any relationship issues, which is inevitable, he goes into meltdown, which exhausts/demoralizes me and I feel like I cannot bring my full self to the table. Do these ever get better? Why are they accelerating? What can I do? Is Asking for a lot more space / a break from the relationship to reset us both ok?

I am an NT who has had a fairytale time with my boyfriend of a year, who has (diagnosed) autism, PTSD, and ADHD. He is easily the most devoted, loving, sweet and affectionate boyfriend I've ever had. We have a lot in common, and most days are just wonderful together. I really want things to work. We talked a lot about a future together including kids. But it's been getting really, really hard these past 2 months.

His first meltdown happened after a medical scare (mine). He immediately took some space, talked to friends/family/therapist, and seemed to be re-balanced afterward. Then the meltdowns started happening much more frequently over the last, maybe, 6 weeks AND they got a lot more intense. Sometimes they last a whole weekend.

Note: I do not feel endangered personally by his meltdowns. He would never hurt me.

The rumbling is almost always activated even just in-conversation about sticky subjects, and increasingly this leads to a lot more meltdowns. It is like his brain recently decided meltdowns are the answer to all stress when he's with me. If I raise any issue about our relationship, that will trigger an interrogation and then often it evolves into a panic attack/meltdown if I don't quickly apologize or renege on my initial statement of concern. He can only stay calm if our relationship seems to him to be totally perfect.

When he melts down, he gets very afraid that I am breaking up with him, don't love him, lied to him about loving him. He sees any negative/shadow work as some kind of collective threat. He cannot reconcile the fact that being in a relationship means he needs to work on difficult stuff. And that healthy love is actually NOT unconditional. People are free to come and go as they please. Staying together is a choice.

The meltdowns include acute panic attacks, contracted muscles, reddening/purpling skin, hand-flapping, difficulty breathing, head-hitting sometimes, and once, VERY (very) loud screaming.

His therapist recommended walks and dunking his head in cold water. He has started doing these things which seem to temporarily calm and center him. I generally stay calm and quiet, advise him to take the walk/get the water, tell him I love him, hold him if he wants me to, and try to wait it out. However, after a meltdown (or three) I am exhausted and demoralized and physically need some space. Which seems to trigger a new meltdown! He even has trouble leaving my house, to go home and calm down, because he takes that as rejection. Nothing I do/don't do calms him down.

I am worried about our future or whether I am getting what I need from this connection. Physically and emotionally I am finding myself turned off, it's like my mind-body-spirit has stopped feeling interested or inspired by him, because he is the source of so much distress for me day-to-day. This is so sad because I am very in love with him and now I feel lost. I do not have prior experience dating an ASD individual. I love him but I also have to take care of myself.

We are both in private counseling and just started seeing a couple's counselor.

My Question: Does this pattern ever improve over time? Is there concrete work he can do to resolve this? Does getting older help? Any advise/experience is deeply appreciated.

Hi! I have been on a few dates with a guy and he recently mentioned to me that he has ASD. I really like him but I have never been in a relationship with an autistic person before.

I’m wondering if there are things I should know or keep in mind? Is it rude for me to ask him about it?

I just want to understand him better and to make sure we are both comfortable together!

I'm 33 years old and I am overwhelmed and overcome with anxiety for my life circumstances.

I'm underemployed and I can't work more than I do (to make more money) without suffering from burnout again.

I live with my mother who is close to retirement. I depend on her for housing and help with food. She has expressed interest in moving to a rural community hours away from where I earn what little income I have. And now she's dating this man I don't like because he's changing how my mother and I live.

The lack of control I have over my life is crushing and every little unfortunate life event keeps piling up.

My dog, who I love with all of my being, bit an elderly woman 2 weeks ago and now the entire neighborhood has turned against me and my mom. It was mortifying that this occurred and I'm ashamed of myself and my dog. We complied with local animal control officials and quarantined him for rabies. And thought that was the end it.

Now I just got another notice of another complaint with Animal Control that we have a "vicious dog" even though there haven't been any more incidents with my dog. I'm scared to even take my dog out to relieve himself without running into neighbors who harass us about it.

I don't know how to deal with it all. Recently I've been having thoughts about ending things, but the thought of bringing this up to my mother just makes me feel worse. I don't have any other support in my life. I don't know what to do.