I'm not sure what the problem is but I have no option here to add a flair. So I just put it in the title.

A little background, I've been a polyaddict but mostly just benzos for the past 4 years. In febuary I finally hit rock bottom and had nowhere to go, the judge let me leave the state to rehab & I decided then to go to a recovery home. I got a lot out of it and I enjoyed being sober maybe 25% of the time. I'm pretty damn stubborn but I guess I never felt connect in the 12 step meetings, I was forced to go & I was forced to be sober. It kind of pissed me off and made the early stages difficult. Fast forward, I spent 8 months there and I got back home with my Ma September 26th (few months ago). I had a couple jobs lined up and got to travel around the midwest and get awesome hours and decent pay.

Well I lost that Job November before Thanksgiving, while we were on the road to another city. I got a hotel with my friend and It felt like I was starting over again. Just a week of some bars and coke and I fucked it all up. Lost 5 grand and a bunch of my shit. Well it's been hard since with probation, transportation, finding a job etc. My mental health has been shit as well.

Last week I got a couple of prescription bars and I took a quarter! It took so much self control to not just take a full one. I felt really good like relaxed, I was Hella motivated, I was out of my room and cooking for my whole family and socializing just having a good time! So that was probably 9 days ago now, and this morning I took another quarter and I feel chill asfk. I'm not high and I just feel normal again. I have confidence and have been making plans with healthy real friends for this week and I just feel like a normal human again. I'm going to share at a meeting tomorrow night and maybe bring something up about this and get some advice. Just wanted to share where I'm at currently. I feel like this is the only way I can function in life. Like even .5mg weekly or for emergencies would help me. I know that's dumb and it'll lead me to worse things, but Idk a way to keep living without it

I'm open for feedback, strength, experience, and hope. Happy holidays.

So, ive spent the whole month in a detox clinic to get off xanax, and somehow ended up with a shopping addiction online… it started out with just a few times and increased enormously. I thought by the time i got home i would stop… but ive been home since Thursday, and I’ve shopped like crazy, and today its been extremely bad… im even spending money i do not have… like pay later options and setting up payment plans… idk why and whats going on!!! I know i have an addictive personality, i get addicted to food, husband, attention, FB, meds, cigarettes. Ive kicked alcohol and weed a year ago and online game spending… but money seems to get me all the time! Anyone else have this problem? Or spends too much money 😔

I used to drink liquor to quiet my mind Snort lines of coke until the noises in my head reduced to one constant tone. Finally I would stop worrying, and thinking and obsessing, but I would also stop thinking. I couldn't use my brain at all. I'd lay there rolling around like a zombie, just trying to survive another breath. Over time this lifestyle damaged me. I became paranoid and psychotic.

When I quit the abuse, everyone congratulated me and patted my back. They're so proud and hopeful for me. It's nice.

Except now I lay in bed and endlessly think until I feel delusional. I worry irrationally and find distorted connections to many things. These things usually involve past pain I've endured. My chest aches with anxiety as my heart palpitates. I twist my feet into into eachother for hours, sleep rarely comes.

As I lay here, all I wish for that one constant tone. It truly is a viscious cycle.

I don’t know why but this stuff is ADDICTIVE to smell. Why.?!?! And am I the only one

All posts made on the Reddit are required to be labelled with the appropriate post flair.

It is VERY important that you reach each of these so that you know what to post and so that you know what posts to read, if you're clean and you enter the wrong post because you haven't read what the post flairs represent, you could end up in a post discussing drugs and using and put yourself at risk of being triggered, so please read each definition for your own safety and so that you can get the help and support you need.

For example, if you want to discuss a positive drug related experience, you will use the flair "Positive Experiences While Using"

The reason flairs are required are so that, firstly, people will be able to pick and choose what they comment on and so everyone knows the content of all the posts. So if, for example, someone would like to offer help and support, they can seek out posts with a flair requesting support from others. Secondly, people who may be in recovery or clean, will be able to see which posts contain discussions over drugs and active using, so that people can avoid being triggered into thinking about drugs and potentially relapsing.

ALL posts must be flaired, whether you are currently using or in sobriety, it's incredibly important for this to remain a safe space for everyone, and we don't want to risk people being triggered by reading drug related posts. The post flairs are there so that everyone can use this group safely and so that everyone can be included, as people in recovery/sobriety may avoid joining drug groups because they don't want to be triggered, so this group allows its members to avoid certain posts and topics.

If a post does not have a flair or uses the wrong flair, it will be deleted.

Now I will breakdown each flair, for your information:

Active Addiction Advice: With this flair, you can reach out for help and advice related to using, for example, if you have been using and start vomitting and being ill, you can ask the community what you can do, when using, to minimise your chances of being sick, or if you spend all of your money on drugs and never have enough money to buy yourself food etc, you could ask if anyone has tips on how to make sure you don't spend all of your money on drugs

Recovery Advice: Discussions about actively using are not allowed in this post, only recovery may be discussed, unless it is relevant to OP's post. With this flair, you can reach out for help and support during your recovery, like asking how to cope with cravings and avoiding relapse

Sobriety Advice: Discussions about actively using are not allowed in this post, only sobriety may be discussed, unless it is relevant to OP's post. This flair is pretty much the same as the "Recovery Advice" flair but will be more focussed on sobriety. For example, you may have been sober for a very long time but you have relapsed and you want to reach out for support because you feel like you have failed or dissapointed yourself. This could also be a good space for someone to discuss how you don't know how to cope with your problems without using drugs and finding out from others if they have any good advice on how to deal with things sober.

Positive Experiences While Using: This flair is where you can be open and positive and talk about the good things that have happened while using. I created this flair because I think it is important to be positive and optimistic and find the good in the bad, the light in the dark. This flair is NOT for you to encourage drug use to anyone, but for you to be able to look back on the good things that have happened in your experience. Being an addict, we feel ashamed sometimes, we dislike ourselves, we regret things, we feel trapped by our addiction, talking about things positively stops us from feeling like we have wasted our lives away and made bad choices which we can't change. Talking about things positively reminds us of the good in our lives and reminds us that as addicts, we can still be happy and enjoy life

Negative Experiences While Using: Same as Positive Experiences, except here we talk about the bad times. Its also important to talk about these things so that we can get things off of our chests. With this flair, we can share our stories and maybe find someone who has something in common with you. You can also connect with others, so that you don't feel so alone and we can reach out for support and care.

HELP! I'm Gonna Relapse: If you feel like you're going to relapse, before you get any money, before you pick up, before you sniff or smoke, JUMP IN HERE! We will work together as a community to carry you through to the other side and be there for you, fighting in your corner to keep the Evil, Demon of drugs, away from you until you feel balanced again. Use this flair as you wish, maybe start a conversation with others to distract you, ask for any tips or advice on how to get through this, maybe ask for recommendations on a film or TV show to watch that will distract you.

HELP! I Need Some Support (Not Drug Related): Here you can reach out for whatever help and support you need from the community to get you through a tough time or difficult situation. There must be NO discussions about drugs with this post flair.

HELP! I Need Some Support (Drug Related): Same as the previous flair, except here you can include discussions about substances

Let's Have Some Fun: Drugs and active addiction must not be discussed here. Here we can play games, share memes, share videos, have conversations about whatever you like, socialising and meeting others etc.

Inspirational Sobriety Stories: Here we want you to share your experiences with becoming sober and to share with others how you fought your battle with addiction and hopefully you will inspire others.

I'm Withdrawing/Coming Down: When you're coming down and feeling shit, you can come here for some moral support. Here we will work together to cheer eachother up and to carry eachother on our shoulders. We will dedicate ourselves to making you laugh and smile, to distract you, to cheer you on, to encourage you and root for you, to inspire you and catch you when you fall. Here you can also reach out for advice on how to cope with comedowns and how to ease the pain and suffering.

Imagination Space - Drawings, Paintings, Poems Etc: This is where you can share your art and creativity. You can share the drawings/paintings you've created while you were sober and/or intoxicated. I will create drawing/painting challenges for everyone to do as a group together where we can all share what we have created together, you are more than welcome to start challenges yourself too!

Let Off Some Steam (Drug Related): Here you can vent, shout, scream, swear and go crazy. If you've had a bad, drug related experience, you can let off all of your stress and anger and baggage here.. maybe your friend stole your weed from you, maybe someone was having a bad comedown and was horrible to you, whatever it is, here's the place to get it off your chest, leave it here, and move on to happier places

Let Off Some Steam (Non Drug Related): Same principal as above, except drugs and actively using are not to be discussed here.

I know there's a lot to read here but these things will ensure that this remains a safe, supportive and positive space ...

Thanks

I sit here...feeling the shame...guilt regret..trapped yet again This is not how I want to live. This is not how I want to die. I feel like if I can write my journey...my troubles..my thoughts. God might intervene...if I can help someone see...hope...believe...people can change if they love themselves enough...but do I love myself? I want to believe I do. 1 moon

I’m a recovering addict. I’ve been solidly on my path, doing the work and rebuilding my life. Part of that included moving back to my small hometown to heal. Anyone who’s lived in a small place knows — word travels fast, especially in the party scene.

Long story short: the people I used to use with found out I’m in recovery, and they’re not taking it well. There’s this weird mix of resentment, paranoia, and “you think you’re too good for us now.” Trying to reason with people who are still deep in their addiction, especially when hypervigilance is involved, is almost impossible.

I’ve been warned that if I go to the police, they’ll just deny everything and twist the narrative until I look like the problem. That possibility sits heavy on my chest, because I know what some of these people are capable of when they feel threatened or abandoned.

My counselor has been supportive, and we do have strategies in place, but these people live close by. That proximity is what scares me the most.

I guess I’m looking for advice from people who’ve been here:

Did you stay in your hometown or did you move? Who did you talk to when it felt like your old circle was turning into a risk? How did you protect your recovery when your past was physically close?

I don’t want to react out of fear, but I also don’t want to ignore instincts that kept me alive for years. Any guidance from fellow recoverees would mean a lot.

Posting this was already difficult. Unsupportive commentary makes it even more so.

Thank you.

Im addicted to many things such as porn, love, food, video games, tv, scrolling Facebook. I can’t kick any of these. I just spent time with family for a few days surrounded by chaotic children and their parents and they all seem fine. But when I get home it sucks for me and I feel hung over. I’ve tried to fill my day with my other stimulants but nothing fills that void.

I get so depressed after all this and Idk how to control these feelings and I’ve quit alcohol, weed, and cigarettes but I still have these awful days coming down from the endorphins high. It seems normal people can just live in constant chaos which I would also consider a high as I was just there and they don’t get this hang over. Am I just supposed to be away from people and then I can maybe deal? That also seems impossible and will end in suicide. I feel stuck

After several failed attempts of trying to get sober, I realized that I am doing the wrong way of getting sober. After I have focused on my behavior, I realized I failed because the problem isn’t caused by my behavior. It’s because it is caused by my mind. My mind would match with my feelings and those feelings would turn into urges.

When I was 6 years old, I remember having those fantasies of having so much love, attention and company. That would cause me to feel sad, lonely and then I would numb myself with the social media, sex and pornography to replace those feelings that are related to my addiction. It makes so much sense.

I need to change the way I think about needing my addiction. It makes so much sense.

My thoughts are ‘I don’t need my addiction to get my needs met.’ Or something like that.

I need to print all this out so I can take it with me to residential treatment on next Wednesday back at Colorado. This is really important and I want to get sober.

Can someone please help me.

So in my fiance's country, their culture is very superstitious, and they believe whatever state you are in going into the new year, you'll be like that for the rest of the new year...

Last year, going into 2021, I was hungry, depressed, dirty and high and I pretty much spent 2021 that way, so maybe the superstition is true ...

Therefore, if you spend New year's Eve, going into New year's Day sober, maybe you'll have a better chance of getting sober in the new year?

I'll try it out next year 😂😂

Happy New Years Everyone!

My first addiction started, when I was 10 and I decided to light some candles up in my room. I went downstairs to ask my stepdad for a lighter, afterwards he started shouting at me saying "why the f do you need a lighter?" not even letting me answer, he said "the only reason you would need a lighter, is if you were to smoke a cigarette. The pack and the lighter are upstairs on the balcony, take whatever you need. I won't look." before grinning at me and turning away. 10 year old me did what every curious kid would do, so I started being addicted to nicotine. At 11 I was raped by the first guy I ever had a relationship with and everything started going downhill from here. My stepdad always called me a slut and a whore for getting sa'd, which now I find so disgusting but back then, I actually thought he was right. About 1-2 months after the incident my parents introduced me to my stepbrother. Overwhelmed by the situation I just thought it was cool to have a big brother. After a few days of settling into my home, I started to talk more often with him. One evening I went over to his room to ask him if he could massage my back for 10 minutes so I could fall asleep. He agreed and came to massage me but after about 5 mins he asked quietly if I was already sleeping. Half asleep I didn't answer thinking he would just go into his room, but no. He started to touch me inappropriately for another 5 mins trying not to "wake" me up. Realizing what is happening to me, I acted like I was waking up. He ran straight into his room pretending like nothing happened. I just sat and cried the whole night. Mind you, this man was 28 at that time and I was still 11. He lived with me and my parents for over a year before getting kicked out but in that time he started to realize about me knowing. At this point, I was STILL 11 but his "offer" as for to make us "even" was to smoke weed with me. Since then a lot of time has passed and I've started having a really bad relation with drugs like methamphetamine, opioids, mdma, acid etc.. my stepbrother and stepdad were kicked out because not only did my stepbrother do this shit to me, my stepdad also supported it.

Been with my man 3.5 years.. this weekend we made “no plans” so we could clean but he just told me he would rather smoke some crack. I have a script for kpins… recently I’ve gotten some xans.. but only take .5 at a time because I actually have anxiety. Anyhow; He says he’d rather do that and NOT share. He says he’s already spent way too much on me. We’ve recently got into coke.. he is an addict.. and wants to do it every weekend (give or take ) but most likely yes that’s what happens. I’m not too fond of him doing crack but he said I get Xanax without telling him first (btw I only get 10 at a time ) But I broke my foot a month ago. I was out of work for 3 weeks . Didn’t get as much disability as I thought and then i had to change jobs and am not on payroll yet so Yes he has paid for our Coke recently. Last time I gave him 70. Anyhow. I don’t want someone I love doing crack. He hasn’t done it in years. But said I can’t compare it to buying Xanax; although I’ve had a script for pins for the past 8 years. Need some advice or anything lol Cause I’m not sure how I feel. Gas lighting? Addiction ? Well yes, (I’ve gone through my shit too ) but AhHHHH thanks. I also said something like okay so you’d rather do crack than be in a relationship? He said “ well I’d be able to do what I want to do !!! And I’d save a hell of a lot of money!!” Mind you again… I broke my foot and was out of work for a few weeks. We live together. Been having issues. I don’t have any friends I can talk to about this so I thought I’d make my first Reddit post lmao.

I'm a young women which struggles with Special K addiction and Snow. I'm also an Borderliner (the impulsive Type). It's bizarre to me because I actually know what is wrong but I noticed that I have an serious addiction Problem until I have now physically damage from it with only 19 years. I can't Help myself I don't know what to do. I'm so delusional

What helped you or is helping you? What do you wish you had? What kind of community support helped or is helping?

Getting ready for Friday. Was put off , well by me out of fear of not knowing. Seems so easy when I help others with there recovery. Going through the changes with them being supportive in anyway I could or can. Just never really doing it right for myself. Fear of what comes after will I be receptive to what is being taught. Know all the programming just never truly knew how to apply to myself to get it to work. Alone without any support from anyone for reassurance when times get hard. That has a bit of fears too. I just have to remember that I may have always been there for others with there needed and should be use to no one ever being there for me when I need it. Maybe a choice I have made but always helping those who don't know how to give back. Whatever may come if this I know it will be something I am giving my so too. Very opened minded and receptive to what is being shown to me. Not my normal me thinking I know it all and heard it all and thought others the same. Me doing and finding what works for me with the help of the counselors. If anyone sees these post and I know I limit responses do to situations that I maybe avoiding. Please keep me in your prayers as I do those I come across and have met in this life of mine.

I can't seem to let go of addiction. Whether it's pot, coffee, cigarettes, weed, or wine, I always need some kind of substance. In the past, it's even been friendships. Any advice for healing this? I can eliminate any one or two of my vices, but I can't get rid of all of them.

Please weigh in, if you have had any success.

Hi all, so basically I am a recovering alcoholic. I was a binge drinker, and didn’t technically do dangerous or reckless things, never let it effect my jobs etc. so it took me a long time to admit to myself and the world that I had an issue with alcohol. I made the mental decision about a year or two ago, but didn’t physically quit. I accepted though that I needed to, period. Anyways fast forward to September. I got out of the bad relationship with an alcoholic, and into a new one.. this guy doesn’t drink, and so I told him how I felt and that I personally wanted and needed to quit drinking. It’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in, emotionally and mentally etc too without alcohol being involved. Anyways, That was late September. Today I am struggling so bad. I want to feel that bubbly feeling again I get from alcohol. I miss it so much today, for whatever reason. I am longing for it and it’s making me sad. I won’t drink, but just these feelings really got me down. Normally I’d wanna drink to run from pain etc, but today I wanna drink because I’m feeling good and it just sounds like fun and would feel good, which is different. Just wanted to vent, I guess. Ty for listening.