For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $289,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.'

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase.

So he asked, 'Son, where are you going?'

Little Joseph told him, 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $289,000 mortgage and no fuckin' bike.

-1

Bitches love it when you call them beautiful

….but I really need to get this shit off my chest.

Neither, they eat out.

because rock beats scissors

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro – who was also a doctor – saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

Two hands on your shoulders

Edit: Yes, everyone, I am aware that I misspelled “prostate”, but because we still can’t edit titles on Reddit, it’s gotta stay.

Hand her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.

But at one point the girl moaned to loud and woke up her dad. The dad came downstairs and walked in on them. They jumped off each other and the girl says sheepishly

“...Dad I’m Sorry”

The dad doesn’t say anything instead he looks over at the boyfriend and says to him

“Are-Are you fucking Sorry”

His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbour is an asshole and his best friend is a pussy.

Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "

Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

(This joke is translated from non-english language. Hope you get it) , So this guy lost his right foot in an accident. Lucky for him, he got a great prosthetic, so anyone who didn't knew him wouldn't know he's wearing a prosthetic foot.

Some years later he met a girl, but didn't tell her about his 'disability'. They got married and on wedding night, he took off his prosthetic foot to show his new bride.

Horrified, she straight called her mom.

"Mum, you wouldn't believe it. He only got one foot!"

The mum then yelled back at her "Goddamnit child, be grateful! Your dad is only six inches!"

He asks the bartender, are you the one who gives the hand jobs? She says, “Yes sir, I am.”

He replies, “Great! Go wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich.”

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

It was simple. Jessica painted her nails and Michael had a cock.

Works out about 6 hours a day and reads 8 to 10 books a week.

He still bitches about being in prison though….

The other day, I was watching a video of a fat, middle aged man staring into the camera while crying and cranking one out.

Then it hit me that the monitor wasn't on.