Seeing people put themselves out like “this is what I can offer, be my friend please” is the most depressing item of my nights.

I come on this subreddit nearly every night to maybe find one or two people to talk to. Mostly to lurk and see who’s new. I’ve always loved the openness of this place and how it helps so many. But, seeing the people like me, who can’t seem to keep friends, putting themselves out like an item in a store. It’s hurts sometimes.

Nobody wants to buy us in our local area. Having nowhere else to go, we place ourselves on the open market and hope somebody is looking for another nick nack.

But everybody I’ve talked to on here has been a treasure worth more than anybody could ever afford. I’ve heard amazing stories and rants that I could only dream about. Sometimes it feels like they’re the only thing that make my life interesting. Just talking to strangers.

I just wish those who are desperate looking for friendships would add one last item to their resume. Just at the beginning. “I’m awesome and beautiful. It’s just that nobody has looked for me yet.” Id certainly like to believe it myself soon.

For real you guys. All the guys in this subreddit be like "oh I'm looking for friends", "i really wanna find someone to talk to about the deep stuff" blah blah blah. But as soon as a female comes around that either really really only wanta to be friends or tells you that she's in a relationship you stop replying. Ugh! Go to a freaking dating app and don't pretend you're looking for anything other than to find a relationship. God damnit.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

Why do I feel like I'm the one thats always putting in all the effort? I plan every hangout, I initiate every conversation, i reply on time even when im tired. I work so hard to be a good friend because I genuinely love and care for these people. Why is it never returned? Im never invited anywhere, I'm never the best friend, I'm never worth replying to. I know social media doesnt always reflect reality, but even if the insta post of them hanging out with friends is posed, at least they are with them. It makes me so angry; why cant someone just give back even an ounce of what I'm putting in! Am I too much? too needy? are my expectations too high? If this is what friendship is, if this is all i can expect for the rest of my life, i think id rather be alone; why get my hopes up.

Everyone leaves me at the end, no matter who it is and why they left. I’m always left alone. I don’t know why. The thing is I always give my best, try to be the best kind of friend and I often put my trust in people however the thing is that I am always left alone with no one to talk to. I’ve had all types of people telling me they will never leave but eventually do sooner or later. Either they found better friends or people or they just forget about me. They stop inviting me or begin to respond less and less to my texts. Whenever I’m in a group I always feel like I’m left out. I can’t trust people anymore, I can’t even be in a relationship because of that. Can someone help me figure out why I’m always left behind?

So I'm a pretty quiet and introverted person and for whatever reason this makes people hate me I've never said anything to offend anyone or anything and when I do talk I'm always nice to everyone but for whatever reason people seem to take offense to it and hate me for whatever reason.

Breakups are very painful in general, a lot of people has experienced at least one during their lives. But I have arrived to the conclusion that breaking up with a friend tears you apart.

It’s painful to know that the person you have loved platonically and put that much effort to doesn’t give the same energy and distant themselves from it. It’s hard to get over it because there you haven’t done nothing to be treated this way. And when it’s a betrayal? It destroys any kind of trust you can build with other people.

Mourning a friendship and the connection you used to have is something that isn’t talked about that much and it hurts. So much. But letting go and knowing your place in a friendship it’s the most important thing.

I was diagnosed with advanced stage breast cancer this summer and it has now travelled to my lungs. I want to enjoy the time I have left but nobody wants to spend any time with me. I have been joking that it's like I'm already dead because my phone just doesn't ring anymore. No texts, nothing. Silence. Today I got my first text in weeks and my friend asked how the kids and my ex are but didnt ask about me. I said everyone is good but I'm having trouble looking after the kids because radiation is hard. She said get better soon like I had a cold or something. I guess I'm an ah because I texted back that cancer doesn't work that way. I'm just so sad. If my "friends" and family cared at all they would come help me out. Raising twins is hard never mind when you are probably not going to get better. Is nobody going to help when I'm dead? It's just a lot today.

We hadn’t spoken in over 10 years.
A petty misunderstanding… the kind you think you'll both eventually get over, but life just kept moving. I moved out of town, started over, buried myself in work, in distractions. She did the same, I guess.

Then one day, about a year ago, she sent me a friend request on Facebook.
I saw it.
I paused.
And then I ignored it.

Not because I hated her.
Not because I didn’t miss her.
I was just… overwhelmed at the time. Life was a mess, and I thought to myself: “I'll get back to her when I’m in a better headspace.”
Of course, that moment never came.

Then last week, I got a message from her husband.
She passed away.
Stage 4 cancer.
She kept it to herself - no public posts, no calls for support, nothing. She just faded out quietly.

And here's the part that hit the hardest:
Back when we were still close, we had a weird but deep conversation. We said that if we ever got something like cancer, we wouldn’t tell anyone. We didn’t want pity. We didn’t want to be seen as broken. We said we’d only tell each other. Just us.

And now I can’t stop thinking… maybe that friend request was her telling me.
Maybe she was reaching out one last time.
Maybe she was scared.
And I left her on "pending."

I don’t really have close friends anymore. I keep to myself, outside of my partner and family. That friend - she was the last one I truly let in.

If there’s any moral to this story, it’s this:
Sometimes, healing doesn’t come with grand gestures. Sometimes it’s just accepting the friend request. Answering the message. Taking five minutes to say, “Hey, I’ve missed you.”
Pride is heavy. But regret? That’s heavier.

Check in on your old friends. Especially the ones who drifted, not the ones who exploded. You never know which goodbye was the final one.

worst feeling ever

A lot of people I’ve considered once to be friends I’ve cut off from toxicity, others live in other states. But I’ve never had a solid group of girl friends, I’m 29, and it makes me jealous when I see other women going on girls trips & being in each other’s weddings. I have girl friends, yes, but not a group. I feel like I’m missing out. That is all, thanks for coming to my ted talk.

I just found this group and all of the posts are tugging at my heartstrings!

If anyone needs a mom to check in with and chat with occasionally here I am.

I am a 42F, old enough to be most of y'alls mom!

My BFF is gay and so are some of my other close friends.

Most of my friends have young kids, I had mine when I was in high school.

I have a son, 26, he likes anime and video games.

I am happy to give advice, just listen or whatever.

I do not judge and I accept anyone and everyone for who they are.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but people feel so strange about friendships nowadays.
Everyone says they want real connections, but the moment you show a little consistency or effort, they either get awkward, distant, or start acting like you’re asking for too much.

It’s like friendship has become this temporary thing people use only when they’re bored, lonely, or need something.
No loyalty, no effort, no “Hey, how are you doing?” Just vibes until the next distraction arrives.

I miss friendships where people actually showed up.
Not placeholder friendships. Not “I’ll talk to you when I feel like it” type of relationships.
Just genuine, stable, human connection.

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel like making friends has become weirdly complicated these days?

hey amigo! have u eaten today? drank enough water? or at least taken care of yourself? if not, go go go ❤️

This is an open letter to the man I just spent the past 3 months chatting 24/7 with, sharing my time, attention, trust, intimacy and thoughts with.

I really liked you. I liked our time together and our chats. I liked what we were doing. I trusted you.

I'm not sure what happened and I'm very sad you decided that deleting your profile was preferable to having a conversation with me about it. I'm upset. You hurt me.

I wish we could have talked about it.

Because you decided it wasn't important enough to give either of us the chance to say it, I'll use this as mine... I hope you are able to know what you want and need and get the things important to you. I hope you are cared for. Bye.

So last week I went out with a friend for dinner who also bought her friend along. We got chatting about my birthday coming up. The other friend said how much she loved birthdays and wanted to take me and a group of us out to dinner.

Today is my birthday, we went out for dinner, she hand made a card with a beautiful message, got me a present which surprised me because I’ve only met her a handful of times, she bought me drinks, we played pool, even bought a cake, she made sure everyone was having a great time. I thanked her profusely, saying no one has done this for me before. When I asked her why, she said she just liked birthdays and people should have a good time on their special day

I’ve always been the person that had maybe 4 good friends. But in the last three years I’ve just lost even that. Friendships have just grown apart and ended. And now I have no friends at all and it’s really exhausting and lonely. I feel horrible about myself. I feel like I tried so hard to be friends with people who didn’t care at all, and now it’s just too late to make friends.

So I’m here to vent I guess? Maybe see if anyone is in the same boat?

I’ve worked remotely since college, and at small companies. I made two friends at my last company but those friendships died off as soon as we didn’t work together anymore. And that’s practically the story with every other friendship I’ve had. They just end. It hurts not having anyone to talk to. I’m going through a hard time right now and it’s like I could literally disappear off the face of the planet and only my mother and my pets would notice.

It’s a rough way to live.

UPDATE: Hi, all. I wrote this post nearly three years ago in a time of despair and heartache over how hard it is to make friends. Here’s what I’ve learned in those three years.

1. I started therapy. While therapy itself hasn’t made friends for me (though I want to be friends with my therapist) it has given me the tools and confidence to branch out of my comfort zone of isolation.

2. I can’t expect anyone to think like I do and reach out to me when they want to hang out. Just because I am the planner who does those sorts of things, doesn’t mean anyone else will. I take comfort in the fact that they’re still wanting to hang out with me, even if I am the one who usually makes plans.

3. I’ve tried to make more mom friends. For a while, I was trying to become friends with people who were not in the same season of life as me. It’s doable, but it feels forced a lot of the time too. I’ve shifted my focus to mom friends who I can coordinate play dates with, etc.

4. I focused on what I enjoyed doing and ended up starting a book club! It was a great way to gather together and talk with people able like minded things.

I don’t have a ton of friends, but I do feel like I’m more secure in myself and it has helped me take that “I need a friend” pressure off and just focus on my path and journey in life. I take comfort in the fact that some many of you related to this despite how hard it is. I appreciate all of your vulnerability on this post.

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I’m turning 30 in just a few days and I don’t have the friends “tribe” I thought I would. I don’t really have any friends, honestly. My work friends I thought I had completely ghosted me when I asked if they wanted to go on a girl’s trip for my upcoming 30th. That hurt.

How do you make genuine connections anymore? Everyone only cares about social media and getting drunk. Don’t get me wrong, I drink on occasion and like to browse social media as much as the next person, but I also like genuine connections and deep caring friendships. Maybe I’m old fashioned that way.

Is this a normal season of life or am I as bad of a person as my mind and thoughts tell me I am?

I don’t really know how to explain this. But I always feel like I’m a backup plan. People don’t want to hang out with me unless I ask them first. I know they probably don’t mean to do this, but for once it would be nice to have a friend that puts in the same amount of effort I do. It makes me feel like they only want to see me if I ask them, instead of them thinking “hey I haven’t seen apndi for a while, I’m gonna text her.” I don’t expect to be seeing or texting people multiple times every day but knowing someone else is thinking about me sometimes would be nice. Instead it’s like pulling teeth to just go out for lunch or something.

A few weeks ago I texted one of my friends and asked if she had any birthday plans (her bday was the next day or that day, I can’t remember). She says no. A few hours later she posts on Snapchat that she’s at the beach with some other people.

Another friend of mine’s bday is tomorrow. Last weekend I asked her if she has any bday plans. She said not yet, I said well let me know what you want to do, I have half days off on Friday’s so I’ll be free after 12. I texted her earlier today because I hadn’t heard from her and she went and made plans with other people.

I feel like everyone is just living their lives and passing me by and I’m just stuck here picking up my phone excitedly every time it makes a noise. Can’t really go out and meet new people for the foreseeable future. I feel so pathetic.

I do have one friend that does match my effort and texts me first a lot, but he works on weekends and 80+ hours a week so he’s almost never free when I am (maybe once every two or so months). So I am SUPER excited for another weekend of absolutely nothing, like every other weekend.