r/antiwork • u/VladImpaler666999 • Oct 05 '21
Gotta love those "self improvement" articles.
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u/originalchaosinabox Oct 05 '21
My favourite variation on this went like this:
We paid off our student loans within 5 years of graduating, and you can, too! Just follow these three simple steps:
We lived at home with our parents.
So we could rent out the house our grandparents gave us for a wedding present for extra income
Get cushy jobs in our parentsâ law firms
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u/Zanderax Oct 05 '21
I know someone who got less than 5% down on a house because one of their parents put their house up as collateral. Wealth builds wealth.
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Oct 05 '21
Had a friend who was younger give me crap for not being able to afford a house before she could. I later found out her parents gifted her the 20% down payment.
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u/NotThatMagnificent Oct 05 '21
My parents were so confused how my lil sister bought a house before me, well maybe it's because you kicked me out when I was 18 and my sister lived with them rent free till she was 24.
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u/Elon_is_musky Oct 05 '21
Iâm very fortunate my parents are in a financial place now (after many years of going up in ranks by my v hard working mother) that theyâre helping me get a house at 23. Theyâre taking out a loan & Ill pay the mortgage, so I can either keep living there or sell it later &/or rent it out after I graduate.
Now ofc I realize how much gd privilege I have to be able to do this, that I havenât always had ofc, but I think people who think âwell I did it, why canât you?!?â want to act like theyâre these super hard workers/geniuses who cracked the code & everyone else struggling is just dumb.
No, youâre (universal you) extremely privileged & 80+% of the US doesnât have that privilege so stop judging others cause they donât have parents to help themđ
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Oct 16 '21
See, I'd turn that offer down. I couldn't possibly live in a house that I was paying the monthly mortgage on, that wasn't in my name.
I, much like you, did get my house at 23. I, also, have parents that have pulled themselves out of poverty with their own business and working stupid hard.
But when they wanted to do that for me, I said no, and so they gifted us some cash for a down payment as part of a wedding gift.
That way they have exactly 0 actual legal control over the place I'm paying for, and the equity is mine and mine alone.
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u/Elon_is_musky Oct 16 '21
I get that, but I do trust my mom & I know sheâll put my name on the title, because it will be mine & sheâs hoping itâll be an investment property that Iâll either rent out or sell in the future.
I personally donât like the idea of feeling indebted to anyone, even her, but considering the place Iâm renting now is WAY too small, it really is a better idea to own a property & pay the same I am in rent nowđ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
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Oct 16 '21
It'll just end up in your name and her name simultaneously.
That was the deal my brother took, parents name has his name on the same house.
Works for me because she spends all her free time over there micromanaging him instead of bothering me.
We get to have a straight parent child relationship, and not one involving business, money, or payments.
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Oct 05 '21
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u/DEVolkan Oct 05 '21
17.41$? Talking about throwing your weight around here
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u/BigAlTrading Oct 05 '21
My parents charged me rent to live with them then lost the money. Literally put cash in a bag, and lost the bag.
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u/DrWhoaFan Oct 06 '21
Damn, I only have 11.31 in Venmo and I keep getting free meals by spending over $10 and getting $10 back.... literally how I pay for food
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u/lankymjc Oct 05 '21
When my wife and I bought a house, it was with her money because she is vastly more wealthy than I am. A colleague was buying a house at the same time, and asked how I could ever be proud of my house since I didnât pay for it.
Found out the only reason that colleague could afford her house was because her dad gave her ÂŁ1,000,000.
Me and this colleagueâŚ. we had issues.
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u/rvpuk Oct 05 '21
Jesus, it took a ÂŁ1M loan to buy her first house? What borough of London are we talking about?! Even South Ox isn't that bad for 2/3 beds.
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u/lankymjc Oct 05 '21
It was a big old cottage with lots of land. Also possible that she canât haggle worth a damn and got ripped off!
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Oct 05 '21
Her dad gave her a million pounds. Is she a royal and you work in Buckingham palace?
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u/lankymjc Oct 05 '21
Heâs just an extremely successful businessman of some kind whoâs willing to invest a million in a house that she intends to do up and sell for much more, giving him the million back and keeping the profit.
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u/robotzor Oct 05 '21
That's called psychological projection. They're really asking themselves and their insecurities, using you as the vessel
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u/TheRiverStyx Oct 05 '21
I knew someone who did exactly this. His dad put their family home up and co-signed. My friend was a waiter at one of those chain restaurants and was still only part-time. He paid the mortgage by having a steady stream of room mates to pack the 4 room house because it was still a quick bus ride to the university from there. Location, location, location.
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u/Cellifal Oct 05 '21 edited Feb 20 '26
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
joke plants long meeting correct smile shaggy quiet school vegetable
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u/MrSelophane Oct 20 '21
Hi! Iâm late AF here, but just wanted to chime in and say that first time home owners can actually qualify for a mortgage with as little as 3% down (US based), or 3.5% if you go FHA. All you need is a 640+ credit score for conventional or 590+ credit score for FHA. Iâm a licensed mortgage loan officer, and I never knew this before I started doing this work, so I just wanted to share.
Of course there are closing costs to account for, so the down payment is not everything, but still.
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u/Zanderax Oct 20 '21
I actaully found a bank here in Australia that will let you borrow the full purchase price of the house plus all closing fees. You can litterally buy a house with nothing.
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u/MrSelophane Oct 20 '21
There are other programs that do that same kind of thing in the US. We call them down payment assistance programs, and theyâre essentially a second mortgage that gets forgiven after X years (as long as you donât refi or sell before that timeframe).
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u/svkadm253 Oct 05 '21
I did 0 down and 0 PMI on my house through my credit union. Seemed too good at the time, but I just refinanced it at a lower rate and lower term without issues. I'm pretty sure you have to have impeccable credit for that but at least you don't need to be rich...
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u/turtlelore2 Oct 05 '21
Every time it's basically
have rich parents
those rich parents fulfill every single wish
pay for literally nothing
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u/Gr1pp717 idle Oct 05 '21
I've found that like 90% of the time I look up an exec type I find either they work for their parents company or they jumped directly into upper management out of college for seemingly no reason. (rich, connected parents is the only explanation I know of...)
Our rugged individualist meritocracy sure seems a whole lot like a caste system.
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Oct 05 '21
This is one of those things that people don't seem to understand. If you look at most company founders and c-suite execs, the whole premise of them working hard to get where they are is false. Their parents are moderately to very rich and help them as much as they possibly can with education, career opportunities, etc.
Not much we can do to fix that, but what I mainly have a problem with is the fact that a kid with poor parents and twice the brains and drive will not even get half as far unless they put in 100 times the effort.
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Oct 05 '21
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u/Gr1pp717 idle Oct 05 '21
I had similar. I was a tutor and TA for math and engineering in college. Practically carried many of my peers. I also had experience in construction, project management, and in engineering. I thought for sure I'd have everything I'd need to get my foot into any door...
Then watched as those same peers got all of these great jobs that I couldn't even get an interview for. I was stuck in a no-name engineering firm out in the boonies making half of what they were getting hired straight out of college for. I remember one complaining to me that his best offer was "only" 73k - I looked at him dumbfounded and said "I only make 42k, and I've been in the field 2 years already"
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Oct 06 '21
You won't get far in politics if you don't know how to politic.
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Oct 06 '21
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Oct 06 '21
ROFL.
You won't get far in politics if you don't have any friends in politics and you don't know how to network.
That's what knowing how to politic means.
You sure you studied politics?
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u/spinyfever Oct 05 '21
Lol I remember this one. She wrote a book about it and was selling it on Amazon if I remember correctly.
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u/DVariant Oct 05 '21
Ah the olâ âBe successful by selling books about how to be successfulâ loophole
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u/SeraphimSphynx Oct 05 '21
I remember that story!
It had a lot of stupid statements like:
"If we can pay off our debt and buy a house anyone can" "It wasn't easy making sacrifices like we did, we would only eat out twice a week and I stopped buying the organic yogurt, but all our hard work was worth it!'
And other nonsense.
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u/DC_Bro Oct 05 '21
I followed step 1 and 3. I gotta say, it worked out very well for me. Yâall should give it a go lol
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u/BigAlTrading Oct 05 '21
Itâs hard to grasp how fucking obtuse youâd have to be to write that article.
âHello world, boy have I been lucky. Let me tell you how lucky while congratulating myself and implying youâre making bad choices.â
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u/Thamnophis660 Profit Is Theft Oct 05 '21
In every one of these stories, there's always someone else bankrolling their life while they get their start or like a family member who provides free housing so they can save on rent for a while. What's infuriating is how they turn around and say "if i can do it, so can you!" The majority of us do not have the same opportunities that these people do. That's ridiculous. Do us all a favor and spare us all that horsheshit, because we aren't buying it.
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Oct 05 '21
There is one inescapable fact, it takes money to make money.
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Oct 05 '21
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u/Aggravating_Signal49 Oct 05 '21
Dipping sauce? Don't be a philistine. You deglaze the pan with red wine, garlic and herbs.
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u/oldmanshoutinatcloud Oct 05 '21
Look at this rich guy with his red wine, garlic and herbs! I bet you're pretty tasty.
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u/PsychicTWElphnt Oct 05 '21
I mean.... I'm a very poor single father, and even I can afford to make delicious food. Maybe I should start some sort a channel called "how to make the rich taste good, even if you're in poverty"!
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u/Saoirse_Says Oct 05 '21
The answer is usually paprika or tarragon or gochujang
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u/PsychicTWElphnt Oct 05 '21
If you aren't using garlic, you're fucking up.
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u/Saoirse_Says Oct 05 '21
Oh look at you! This fatcat can afford more than just spices and condiments!
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u/PsychicTWElphnt Oct 05 '21
It makes me sad to imagine a person can't afford garlic đ¤Łđ¤Ł That shit is cheap AF.
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u/Aggravating_Signal49 Oct 05 '21
Spices are a bourgeois indulgence. You are a class traitor.
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u/ALLCAPVULGARUSERNAME Oct 05 '21
No you see you cook the rich guy in his own kitchen that way you have all the best ingredients I can make a mean beef in truffled cream.
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u/gusbelmont Oct 05 '21
It's the same shit everytime.
Im in a really bad situation right now and this girl approachs me, talks to me every now and then and at beginning i thought she was trying to cheer me up. The usual stuff "you gotta start somewhere, you can climb back up blablabla".
One day i was talking to my mother and i asked her wtf she does for a living because the stuff she says to me its annoying as fuck.
Here it comes guys
Turns out shes married with a filthy rich guy and her father already put all of his properties under her name.
Literally i was speechless.
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u/inbeforethelube Oct 05 '21
I worked for a guy who has a very successful business. He paid for his kid(s) to go to the local State university and one of the sons works for him. The son goes home to eat breakfast and lunch (the office is close to the owners house), lived there until he was 25ish. And because of those things, he was able to save a lot of money. The owner goes around spouting how much his kid has saved. It's like yeah, that would be easy if we all had a millionaire Dad fronting the first 25 years of our lives and still have a job that pays more than others in your field because you Dad is the owner, with no worry of being fired, when you fuck up bad.
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u/LGCJairen Oct 05 '21
that shit annoys me. I lived with my parents until they died and am still in the same boat as everyone else. Because unlike this stories my family was working/middle class and I also had to contribute to keeping the house from falling apart. plus i still had all the other bills on my own (phone, car insurance, groceries etc)
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u/MoreCoffeePwease Oct 05 '21
Thank you for this. Someone attempted to shred me in another post because they told everyone living with their family they should feel horrible shame and will die single (Iâm paraphrasing). It was very presumptuous of them to assume everyone who lives with family does so in order to profit. Some of us are actually in fact caretakers (physical and or financial)
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u/turtlelore2 Oct 05 '21
Obviously they aren't posting these stories for us. They are posting it to feel even more entitled about themselves while also putting the rest of us in our place as being lazy selfish shitstains on society.
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u/billfontainedelatour Oct 05 '21
Yeah I think the most sickening part of the horseshit for me is that lack of awareness or any semblance of gratitude for the headstart afforded by the life lottery. It screams an "I'm the main character" type of mental entitlement that has no understanding that everyone is born with varying levels of privilege, luck and opportunity.
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Oct 05 '21
"if i can do it, so can you!"
Several years ago (2012 election cycle?), there was that slogan going around "I built it!â because they were too triggered by someone saying "We built it!".
I grew up in conservative country, and there were signs everywhere of people proudly proclaiming they built their own wealth and their own business with help from no one. Except, many of them were subsidized by the government, let alone the fact that they benefited greatly from public services like roads and the USPS to run their business.
Anyone who brags about making it on their own is 100% full of shit and should not be trusted.
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u/runthepoint1 Oct 05 '21
As someone who is lucky enough to have that I always think that the govt is resposible for caring for this or who donât have family support. The govt sucks, weâre being jerked around by 2 abusive parties hellbent on staying in instead of performing.
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u/littlewoolie Oct 05 '21
This. The only story that might be more realistic about paying off a house was the middle income couple that lived off ramen noodles for 3 years
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Oct 05 '21
Drive semi, buy 130k house in 3 years...
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u/Outrageous_Bass_1328 the irony Oct 05 '21
130k house in 2021 dollars is a shit shack
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Oct 05 '21
With cost of lumber in the past 2 years you are not wrong, although it is getting better. On the other hand when I bought it 5 years ago i saw a great opportunity to invest in a place to live now worth over 200k. I've given 40k to charity and I'm not even 30 yet, so when I see this I feel like people are too dismissive and lose momentum before they get out of the gate, I really wish you all the best.
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u/Outrageous_Bass_1328 the irony Oct 05 '21
Yeah I bought my 1st home for 185k 16 yrs ago sold it for 250k 3 yrs ago bought my current house for 235k and this one is now worth 350k according to Zillow⌠:)
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u/MrSpindles Oct 05 '21
Indeed, I see this kind of thing all the time, you have to wonder who decides to publish these articles and why..
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u/Thamnophis660 Profit Is Theft Oct 05 '21
Publishers who think these somehow count as bootstraps success stories, to be read by people who lack reading comprehension and critical thinking skills.
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u/starv- Oct 05 '21
I agree that most people don't have the same opportunities and people who write these articles are out to lunch on that fact...
However, there are other opportunities / ways to advance financially. Most opportunities require someone to vouch for you - this is a problem or bank Roll you - this is a big problem, the others require you to move away from the life that you have in some way - also a problem, but it can be done.
I worked 2 years at remote work sites 10-13 hours away into what is really remote territory (think Alaska), some opportunities either offer reduced room & board or free. From there as long as you're working a skill that is scalable and that is compatible with city / remote work, you can get back into a good living situation (within maybe ~6 years).
If you have an education / some notable skill, you can also try different social group & activities, sometimes you might find someone who can give you that reference.
It's a bit of a lottery, but these are legitimate things to improve your chance (mostly only applicable to people in their early 20s).
Don't get angry at me, if anything this feeds into your point đ
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u/Thamnophis660 Profit Is Theft Oct 05 '21
I think my point is that it's extremely transparent that these stories aren't actually demonstrating the point they are trying to make. Both of those examples you listed are opportunities that can be parlayed into some financial success, I'm not gonna argue that. My point is that working at an Alaskan salmon cannery or basic networking aren't NEARLY as zero-risk and effective ways to escape debt as just having someone pay for everything. I think that's your point though đ
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u/koosley Oct 05 '21
I lived with my parents 3 or 4 months after graduating which helped a ton! It may not sound like much but the extra 4k really did help when first starting out living by yourself. Lots of late night target runs.
I can definitely see how living with parents for 2 to 3 years snowballs considerably.
Hell, having zero dollars networth is quite the achievement now.
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u/Dull_Midnight8049 Oct 05 '21
Like the articles about how some 26 year old bought her 450k home
"my grandparents paid the down payment and my mom gifted me 200,000"
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u/7937397 Oct 05 '21
Step one: Grow up with a lot of privilege.
Step two: Exist.
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u/Zanderax Oct 05 '21
Step 3: Distribute wealth to help other people achieve privileges
bUt tHaT'S sOciALiSm
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u/ST07153902935 Oct 08 '21
Actual privilege, not the bullshit the media pushes to distract us from things that matter (class and wealth).
You could poll any poor black, white, asian, native... person and ask "would you rather be wealthy or a different race?" and 99% would say wealthy.
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u/SoulOfaLiar Oct 05 '21
I remember a quote which here I'll misattribute since I don't remember who said it originally:
"People who get lucky love to talk at length about how much skill it took."-Mohandas Ghandi
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Oct 05 '21
Oh no that was by Stan Lee. Ghandi said "all the other kids with their pumped up kicks better run faster than my nonviolent demonstration."
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u/Grab3tto Oct 05 '21
âIt was a small business loan, a mere $2 million from my father is all I had.â- a real billionaire
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u/RagingBillionbear Oct 05 '21 edited Oct 05 '21
I worked for an immigrant boss who came over here in the 1960's from Italy. Due to the industry I was in I had work with a few before. All claim to came over here with next to nothing and all claim to have started a business here with just their hard work. Of interest all of them keep their luggage on a pallet somewhere in the back of the warehouse.
The last one I worked with owned everything about the business. He owned the building outright, had a share in every business in the building with family members being the other owners. The guy was like a little emperor, and everybody treated him such.
On the last day of working for this guy, he admitted to me with a wink and smile that he had $100k in the suitcase when he got here.
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u/Disastrous_Airline28 Oct 05 '21
Wow. People need so much family support to get by these days. Iâm estranged from my family. Pretty much on my own in this world. It kinda sucks not having that leg up.
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u/Dull_Midnight8049 Oct 05 '21
As an estranged black sheep with only 1 parent to begin with and no grandparents I feel ya
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Oct 05 '21
So she lost 40 grand
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u/AwakenedSoul69 Unite and Fight! Oct 05 '21
Sssssh shut up you werenât supposed to point that out
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Oct 05 '21
Of someone elseâs money... and called it a giant victory that everyone else should try to emulate.
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u/-Ok-Perception- Oct 05 '21
These are so gross and they're nearly **all** written like that. Doesn't the editor or whoever even check these shitty periodicals.
It brings to mind an interview with Chelsea Clinton (not politically biased, I hate Rs and Ds both). She said she doesn't care about money at all and she's entirely self sufficient. Her condo cost her something like 100 million dollars and most of her money came from speaking engagements (making money from her family name). In her mind, that money was all made in a self-sufficient manner.
As I'm sure everyone here knows by now. If you have some wealth, it's not too hard to turn that into a lot of wealth. IF you *truly* start from nothing, it's impossible to dig yourself out of that hole. Sometimes just having parents to help with a home's downpayment is all you need for a huge head start on everyone else. The home downpayment is a game changer if that's provided. It means your living cost is effectively halved making wealth accumulation much easier.
It's just that bad in real life. Ask someone who had a family home given to them how they afford a home. They won't even realize that the home was given to them and will make it out like they worked hard for it. In their heads, that's the truth. And while I'm sure they *did* work hard, 99% of people working the *hardest* possible just wind up renting a 1 bedroom apartment these days.
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u/No-Standard9405 Oct 05 '21
No more worse then a woman talking about working part time as a vet technician, no kids, married to a trust fund baby, parents pay for her and her husband vacation, still on her parents phone plan, husband makes over $70,000 a year. Giving advice about how to save money. I'm like GTFOH!
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u/Gh0stStorm Oct 05 '21
This makes me fucking hate the rich.
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u/Zed_Midnight150 Oct 05 '21
I don't know why you got downvoted despite this sub being mainly leftist but I'm with you here. The rich are scumbags and this "motivational" stories they always give are like a huge middle finger to the poor.
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u/Gh0stStorm Oct 07 '21
A friend of mine has a successful company and is a multi millionair. But he was raised in his industry and taught everything by already successful parents. But he has this mentality that because he's successful that everyone can be. Even though he had a huge advantage that gave him decades of knowledge immediately.
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u/Bay-AreaGuy Oct 05 '21
Society would improve overnight if fortunate people just had enough humility to acknowledge the role luck plays in their success. Not just in terms of having rich parents, but having certain talents, natural drive and focus, and other advantageous personality traits.
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u/OpheliaRainGalaxy Oct 05 '21
Society would improve overnight if fortunate people just had enough humility to acknowledge the role luck plays in their success.
Pretty sure that is the direction we're heading in these days. We grew up on cartoons about cooperation, friendship, and the fact that all of us having different abilities is a good thing that should be valued.
Like oh, I got super lucky, my mom taught me how to read before I even started Kindergarten. School said I was "gifted" but no, at best I'm maybe a little above average and lucky. I had a lot of hours and not much I was allowed to do other than read, so I got a lot of practice at it. Problem is, my skills tend to be limited to things I can learn out of books.
When I was in college I worked at a restaurant, and had a work-friend who had severe dyslexia and a hell of a lot of practical skills. She'd wander by and catch me futilely scrubbing at something, stop me, and then clean the whatever so quickly that it looked like magic. Eventually we started swapping favors outside of work.
When she had something that needed more reading skills than she could manage, she'd visit my apartment, use my computer, and I was sort of like her "seeing eye human," reading information off websites to her and typing the answers she provided correctly into the correct boxes.
No one ever successfully managed to teach me to cook, but she did teach me a lot about cleaning, and never gave me a hard time when I failed to learn something.
Previously she'd worked in laundry and dry-cleaning, so when she caught me sulking about not knowing how to iron my suit for a school presentation, she volunteered. She tried her best to teach me, but ironing is like cooking for me, I just make a mess of it, kept ending up with more wrinkles than when I started no matter how much I tried to follow instructions. So all through college, she ironed my dress clothes whenever I had to give a presentation.
It's a system that worked because we were equals, humans, helping each other. It wouldn't have worked very well if she'd sneered at me for being such a clutz that can't do such a basic task as cooking meat on a clamshell grill in a McD kitchen, or if I'd looked down on her for not doing well with written information.
I'm not surprised we're seeing a breakdown of society, of supply chains and services. The wealthy people who sit in comfy chairs while hardly working kept sneering down their noses at us and refusing to pay living wages while rewarding themselves for all that "hard work."
They clapped and called us heroes during the beginning of the pandemic, but now they're back to tossing us the occasional pizza party or peanut butter sandwich and expecting that that'll keep us happy to do literally all the work of keeping civilization operating.
"Honest day's work for an honest day's pay" is a thing I've heard of but never seen. Seems like the rest of us are willing to cooperate and it's just the asshats running the show who fuck it up.
Like, I'm sick of hearing "humans are just greedy" because most of the humans-doing-favors I've seen or participated in also involved a game of "take this, oh no I couldn't, here take the money, oh no I don't need it." My mom played the advanced version of that game, denying the money until people snuck it into her purse, and then she'd find an opportunity to sneak it back into the other person's purse.
My husband just wandered in to ask if I'm done writing my book, said he could hear me taptaptaping from the other room. Guess I got to soapboxing again. I'm just sick of a few asshats ruining civilization for the entire human race.
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Oct 05 '21
I was gifted too, and there are very few things I canât learn. However, I was also gifted with ADHD, OCD, depression, and chronic illnesses. Iâm unemployed and without a degree thanks to how ableist our society is. Iâve been told by countless teachers, professors, co-workers, and bosses that Iâm highly intelligent and learn things quickly yada yada yada. It doesnât mean anything though. Iâve gotten fucking nowhere with it. Had I been born white, middle-class, and without mental and chronic illness, I might have been lucky enough to have been able to use my supposed intelligence.
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u/OpheliaRainGalaxy Oct 05 '21
Same boat but with a degree I've never used and the matching mountain of debt. I'm a SAH stepmom with a bad limp and my wits go to pieces under pressure these days, so it doesn't really matter what my skill set is, I'm unreliable and unemployable, even for fast food these days.
My parents taught me "nose to the grindstone" and "ignore pain, just do what needs doing." Add OCD and what all to that, and it adds up me finishing college one class at a time while suffering multiple breakdowns a year from full burnout. I'd shove my nose into that grindstone until I meat-crayoned my mental health, over and over again.
You know, I really think those "gifted" programs did more harm than good. Putting humans up on a pedestal and treating them extra special never seems to lead anywhere good. And thinking back, the program they put me in was more like once-a-week cultural enrichment experiences than anything practical or useful.
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Oct 05 '21
Damn, hard relate to everything you said. If I ever went to finish my degree, it would definitely be one or two classes at a time because full-time college had me mentally breaking down constantly. Work does too. I think when people praise you too much, itâs easy to start worrying about it ending or disappointing people. Thatâs why I struggle so much.
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u/OpheliaRainGalaxy Oct 05 '21
Oh yes, learning to let things go and be less than perfect was super hard for me! Really made college a lot like trying to ride a bike while jamming a stick in the spokes at random. Here, I'll prattle off what I saw that helped me.
I was on the bus one morning with that same friend who taught me to clean, on our way to work. Bus was running late, so I was obviously anxious and doing that whole nearly-bouncing-off-the-walls panic bit. Friend was chill. Finally the bus got to our stop, I leap off and start near-running.. and then slow, and kind of prance in place because my friend was walking along at a normal speed.
She looked at me doing that anxious-dance and, with a tone as bland as if she was pointing out the color of the sky, pointed out that we weren't going to get fired for being a couple of minutes late because of the bus. Her absolute blasĂŠ helped so much, made me realized I'd been acting like I expected to be executed if I walked in late or some nonsense.
Later I had this college professor for a capstone class, old and extremely knowledgeable gentleman who spoke with a thick accent. Very top level class and he was the only professor who could teach it. It was required for everyone taking the degree and was supposed to force us to use all of our acquired knowledge up to that point. We were all very intense going in, expecting the most professional class ever.
The syllabus was full of typos! It was readable, usable, but full of obvious and easy to correct typos! So hands start going up as we notice each one, trying to helpfully inform him so he can correct his mistakes. And he'd just give us the sort of look a parent gives their child when it's clearly trying but not there yet, like he didn't want to laugh and discourage us, and then he'd just move on with whatever he'd been saying before we interrupted.
I forget the exact circumstances, but I remember he very specifically told me something like "Precision is the enemy of accomplishment." I might be getting the exact wording wrong, because I absolutely did not understand what he meant in that moment, gave him the most baffled look, and he just patted me on the back and shooed me out of his office. But the next time he handed out an assignment and then made that not-laughing face as everyone pointed out his typos, I got it!
Still took years to learn to put it into practice, to let things go and relax a bit more, and I'm not super duper great at it yet by any means, but I'm getting better and I think that's what counts.
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Oct 05 '21
Iâve been told âPrecision is the enemy of accomplishmentâ so many times. I honestly think video games of all things are actually teaching me to accept that Iâm not going to be perfect, but I can get things done. Being a homemaker is too. Iâm learning to just be at peace with myself. Maybe one day, I can invest those lessons in to doing things Iâve always wanted without judging myself so harshly.
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u/OpheliaRainGalaxy Oct 05 '21
Good! It's difficult, but totally worth it, to learn to chill. Goodness knows that's the only reason I'm sitting on my butt right now instead of running around attacking the wood floors with a swiffer. Expecting people in the morning and the house is still "a wreak" but whatever, at least the carpet got vacuumed today!
I really hope you do get to seek out lessons in everything you're interested in, and enjoy the learning without any harshness! If I get my way, someday I'll get a spinning wheel and learn to use it properly. I had the opportunity to start learning at one point, but couldn't get enough practice to get decent at it before I lost access to the tools. Might have to settle for learning crochet for now.
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Oct 05 '21
Youâre into fiber arts too? God, are we long lost twins?!
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u/OpheliaRainGalaxy Oct 05 '21
I've got a funny feeling that humans actually generally love spinning and weaving, been doing it for like a hundred thousand years or something so we probably evolved to enjoy it.
Pretty sure the industrial revolution did humanity a huge disservice, taking all of that away from most of us. I'm not saying my family would be happy if all their clothes were homemade with my limited skills, or that the work wouldn't be difficult and take up many hours, but I have a funny feeling I'd be happier if I spent less time on a computer or whatever and more time making fibers into actual objects.
I love that meme about how knitting is basically magic, peering at a pattern in a book while waving two wands rhythmically and chanting/swearing and tada, blanket!
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u/tacticalcop Oct 05 '21
humans by nature are not greedy to me. the extent that iâve seen people give until they couldnât anymore, thereâs no way it isnt in our nature.
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u/PaperCistern Oct 05 '21
Yes, exactly this. It's very well documented that in a crisis, normal people will always go oit of their way to help those in trouble. The rich, however, always freak out and make the situation worse. It's been coined as "elite panic".
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u/Willow_rpg here for the memes Oct 05 '21 edited Oct 05 '21
This! So much this!
Even willpower is genetic! Which means laziness is genetic! Some people find what works for them to help adapt to their laziness but not everybody can find what works for them. Even the strength to BUILD weak willpower is also genetic so a lot of people who used to be lazy but then became hard working overnight may have already had the genes for easy strengthening of their willpower
When we think talents we dont think of willpower as a talent or a genetic advantage
It takes money to make money It takes willpower to build willpower and the more willpower the easier to strengthen
edit explanation strengthening your willpower requires performing boring activities outside of your normal routine thus the stronger your willpower the more of these activities you have the motivation for so your willpower will advance a lot faster
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u/LunaTheaX Oct 05 '21
That's why I stopped reading articles like that. It always comes down to the fact that someone with money handed them a large sum of money to get them started.
So the moral of all of those is, make friends with rich people or marry into money.
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u/ForwardCulture Oct 05 '21
The worst is when your own family does it to you. My father, a recently retired boomer refuses to help my younger sibling and I even though he has amassed quite a sum of money. Always telling us anyone can do what he did. Letâs look at the facts:
came here as an immigrant and was helped by a network of immigrants and his best friend who was already here.
the job he retired from and was at for decades, got that through my uncle. Refused to help me get a job there but helped dozens of other people get jobs there.
although his industry is now heavily regulated, 40 years ago it was the Wild West. Him and a coworker started a side business using their employers equipment and made a ton of money at the time.
he constantly moonlighted on days off with other companies in the same industry for the same money, something that hasnât been allowed since that time.
the job heâs retiring from now requires a college degree and all sorts of certifications, which weâre not required at the time he took that role.
despite the newer requirements, starting pay os much less for his job now than it was when he took that role years ago
my parents were able to buy their first house at a pretty young age due to help from their own parents and the job facts for my father I just listed. Because of all the money he made moonlighting and running a side business, they paid off their mortgage at the time in less than ten years. He refuses to help us buy homes.
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u/tiniestjazzhands lazy and proud Oct 05 '21
I love how it's under side hustle, there is no hustling happening here
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u/0n3ph Oct 05 '21
I am pretty privileged. My start in life was definitely helped by wealthy and generous parents. I just don't understand how a person can not understand that this is not available to everyone. I certainly wouldn't be writing money saving tips for people, because I haven't experienced what they have.
These people are absolutely delusional. How can they not understand their own lives? Just bizarre to me. My reaction to my privilege was to go full socialist. Because I want to do what I can to give everyone the same advantages I had. I just don't understand the attitude of people who are like "I deserve better treatment than everyone else. I will denigrate them for not having the advantages I had as if it's something they chose".
What an absolute scumbag.
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u/thighvalue Oct 05 '21
Well, Iâm in my mid-20s, debt free and have about 25k in savings.
Oh, but I also went to uni in Europe, tuition was 8k for the whole degree and my rent as a student was 300 a month. I did get a loan, but it was interest free.
If youâre in the US, donât even bother opening these headlines. Itâs just never true. Never.
I made the mistake to start at a US Company, which basically gives me US labor laws for a EU salary. I managed to get fucked from abroad. Currently trying to pivot to an EU comp
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u/Firejumperbravo Oct 05 '21
Or, "I saved up $5000 mowing grass my senior year of highschool. Go door to door in your neighborhood asking to mow yards, you lazy kids!"
Used Mom & Dad's equipment
Mom & Dad bought them food, clothes, shelter, and everything else.
Had TWO PARENTS
Lived in a neighborhood where it was safe to go door to door
Lived in a neighborhood that had FUCKING GRASS
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u/importvita Oct 05 '21
TIL - Mommy handing out money = side hustle
Not to mention:
No student loans and crippling debt
Fucking private school for a dumbass journalist degree
Not even a real job but writing dipshit "opinion" pieces.
Fuck everything about this
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u/Moikee Oct 05 '21
Living with your parents and not paying rent is the only real way to save large amounts of money.
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u/gevors_e92 Oct 05 '21
Fucking hate shit like this in the internet. The entitlement of these fucks man. Itâs unreal.
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Oct 05 '21
Am I the only person who wouldnât be too thrilled living with my parents for x amount of years and not paying for anything at all?
Like I get that itâs helpful and some folks would like to save up for a house. But for me it wouldâve meant being stuck in a tiny town with nothing to do and shitty jobs that paid ok but not great. Not to mention missing out on all sorts of opportunities to socialize,figure out who I am, figure out what I like, learn how to handle my finances.
Dunno I just donât think it would work for me.
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u/earlyatnight Oct 05 '21
Iâm always confused when Americans talk about living with their parents in order to save rent. I get that itâs probably a lot cheaper than living in your own apartment but donât you pay your parents any rent? In my country itâs pretty common to chip in for rent when you live with parents as a grown up
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Oct 05 '21
I genuinely hate these with every fiber of my being. I used to speak out against parents providing everything for their kids because my mother raised me to believe that it was some terrible, awful thing. In reality, it's about the greatest blessing a parent could bestow upon a child in today's world. This world was made for these kids. It wasn't made for people like me, whose parents cover things once in a while if I legitimately can't afford them (such as sudden mechanic bills) but makes me pay them back, contributed nothing to my college education, and contribute nothing to my rent and other costs.
Every single person I know who is in a similar situation is still struggling to get anything going in their professional lives and can't save any money at all, while every single person I know who has been and is still provided for is doing fantastically mentally, had a great start fresh out of school, and only has to save up money to go to more networking events to further their careers even more. Those unpaid internships that serve as career boosters? Yeah, only those people can work them. Those entry-level jobs that pay terribly but could serve as a gateway to something better? Yep, they can afford to work those too because the lack of money doesn't matter to them at all. And they'll also bypass those stupid experience requirements because they - ahem, their parents, usually - will know somebody in higher management. Oh, and speaking of connections? Yeah, people like me don't get those because we can't afford to ditch our jobs to go to all of those networking events I mentioned earlier, paying for hotels and plane tickets and the like. We can do it once in a blue moon, but good luck actually keeping connections if you're not in front of them all the time.
What's worse is that I'm transgender, so I have no choice but to move across the country to take advantage of a new law in Washington State that will force insurance to pay for the surgeries I need to feel at home in my own body because guess what? No assistance with that either. And I have no choice but to live in progressive - and therefore more expensive - areas in a few specific states or risk having all of my rights stripped away and/or risk getting beaten to a pulp by some flag-waving psychopaths if they clock me in public.
This world was not made for me.
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u/ForwardCulture Oct 05 '21
Another recent incident: I had moved back to my home state after a horrible time in another state. Made friends with a woman close to my age. Ashe started to constantly give me advice and wonder why I wasnât at a certain stage etc., just constant advise and weird motivational stuff. Here are the facts:
she was recently divorced and her monthly divorce settlement is more than any salary Iâve ever made in my life.
her ex husband is a Vice President for a well known bank.
she hasnât worked in over a decade. Doesnât even know what good hourly pay is when I bring up what people pay these days.
her parents paid for her high end divorce lawyer. Six figures. Sheâs also set to inherit quite a bit from them.
she has a family property. On the upper East side in Manhattan.
her daughter gets sent to all sorts of extracurricular activities, dance classes in New York City etc.
spends her days hiking, being a âfoodieâ and basically doing whatever she wants. Thatâs how we met, hiking, which innately get to do. Would constantly complain about my work schedule when I couldnât go hiking or out to eat etc.
she was âstressed outâ after the divorce and disappeared the entire past summer. Rented a very expensive house in the mountains an few hours from here to ârelaxâ.
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u/Bright-Amphibian6681 Oct 05 '21
Yes, why don't we all go to ivy league schools. Work on wall street. Create a network if wealthy contacts. Then borrow money from them as well as our parents to... employ thousands of workers at poor wages and working conditions. If I can do it so can you!
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u/psych2099 Oct 05 '21
Ive had to stay living at home to make sure neither me or my parents end up in debt again, we only just dug ourselves out of the hole we've been in my entire life.
My first job i had to pay rent and at one point i had to use a credit card under my name to pay the entire rent cost for the month.
Fuck these trust fund babies, come live in the real world where you have to help your parents get out of debt.
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u/Midnight_Morning Oct 05 '21
If they don't get money from the bank of mom and dad, those articles also hide the fact that they have a high paying tech job or are a high income DINK couple.
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Oct 05 '21
My partner and I are looking to buy a house. Weâre both mid-20s. Our life so far:
My partnerâs father came from money, but he was cut off because his parents were jerks. That said, they put him through military school, and allowed him to live at home while he was attending college (which he paid for with his part-time job at the hardware store). He worked hard and is very bright, and thanks to his parentsâ support early was able to move up in finance. He now makes good moneyâenough for a good vacation each year (well, not during COVID, theyâre vaccinated but donât want to risk anything).
Because of their father, my partner was able to attend college and he paid for it. My partner worked, both doing a tutoring job in their field at the university and working as a coach for their sport during summers and breaks. My partner graduated Summa, and went to graduate school to obtain a dual Masterâs while working the same jobs (different university for graduate school, though). After graduating with their graduate degrees, my partnerâs plan was to start teaching adjunct, and ultimately become a professor. Instead, they are working as the head coach and director of the program for their sportâthey just got promoted to full time, and itâs a nice increase in salary and benefits.
My immediate family didnât have money, but my grandmother gave us tens of thousands while my family was struggling to make sure my parents could afford things like rent and the activities me and my sister did. I grew up being all at once relatively poor and still relatively wealthy, cuz even though my parents couldnât afford anything, my grandmother made sure we never went without.
I dropped out of college after a few semesters, having attended state school, received grants, and used money I made when I was a child actor in LA (before my parents moved away from LA). I burnt through my cash pretty quickly on tuition, because even state schools are now often $20,000 per year with room and board. I worked through college as well for pocket money. Eventually, I decided that college wasnât working out, so I started working to support my partner. I found a terrible blue-collar shipping job which did not pay my bills, and eventually got lucky and left that for a call center role in finance. Since then, Iâve moved up through the organization a bit, and now am no longer in the call center, and am making decent money.
In the past five years or so since living together, we have received $600 a month for rent help from my partnerâs parents since they were in school and not working full time. Additionally, weâve received thousands in help from my grandmotherânot all of it was necessary, but she likes to do things like give her grandkids $2,000 every several months for whatever. Sheâs very conscientious about long-term debt and loves helping us all pay down things like cars, student loans, etc. I imagine all told, weâve received close to $15,000 from her, and $30,000 from my partnerâs parents. We are now at a place where we have significantly decreased the amount we receive from my in laws, and my grandmotherâs gifts now go to things like investments.
So thatâs where weâre at. Weâre young, weâre incredibly driven and clever, and we still needed almost $50,000 in help over the past several years while we were getting started. The only reason we are able to even start looking for a house now is because weâve had considerable help. The system is insanely broken. If we didnât have the safety nets of my grandmother and in laws, we would be living in poverty still. If you donât have wealthy people to help you out, it is very difficult to escape, and often not actually feasible.
One other point about moving somewhere cheaper: we are in the suburbs, so not a super HCOL area, but more expensive than somewhere like Kentucky or something. That said, I canât really move to Kentucky cuz it wouldnât be safe for me, and itâs far away from aging parents and grandparents who we want to support, and my parter cannot work as a program director of their sport in the same way in Kentucky. Itâs easy for Boomers on CNBC to say young people should move to the middle of the country, but much harder for people to pack up their lives and go somewhere away from everything else.
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u/kd5407 Oct 05 '21
Ehhhh I think calling paying for your childâs education âgiving them $140,000â is a stretch. There are plenty of people with college degrees that canât get a job or save money. I went to a good school for free due to financial aid. Did the school âgive me $500,000â? Absolutely not. Thatâs an inflated value that reflects nothing. The degree is not worth that much and was not going to net me a job necessarily.
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u/2ndcomingofharambe Oct 05 '21
Recently saw one where the person claimed they started a company selling content telling others how to save / pay off debt.....in order to pay off their own debt. That's some heavy MLM / pyramid scheme bullshit tactic, though I guess they would just call it the "hustle".
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u/Zytherman1 here for the memes Oct 06 '21
Every time I read an article about how someone brought their own house at 20, it's always either they lived at home rent free, their parents gave them the money or they worked at their parents business being paid 80k for a receptionist job
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u/maryblooms Oct 05 '21
When my 2nd husband and I married in the late 90s we had 6 children, $50,000 debt, 3 car payments (mine, his and his ex wifeâs), child support and the mortgage on the ex wifeâs house. We really did scrimp, save and got very creative for 5 years to get as much of that paid off as possible living in a small rental. But we got to the point where when his oldest was off to college (we told them state school only and they had to work summers) we were able to pay her tuition fully, plus room and board. Next Kid full ride because he did ROTC (he is a major in the Army). The other 4 boom, boom, boom, boom same thing state school, kid works summer.
Now here is where we got lucky
My husband had good income (an electrical engineer). I went back to school and got into a lucrative field after being married 5 years.
Gave his ex his equity in the house to get out of him paying all the expenses on it *some of our kids got great scholarships
no student loans hanging over kids heads
I could leave this on a high not but unfortunately as soon as the youngest finished college, we are living in a nice house, my middle age husband is diagnosed with terminal cancer and leaves me a widow. Yes, he took care of me with a large insurance policy so I am set but he never got to enjoy the fruits of his labor.
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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '21
Worse are the people that buy into this mentality. I had a coworker tell me I should look up to a younger coworker because they have over $20k in the bank. I asked what I should look up to? They don't pay rent because they live with their parents, they don't buy groceries, their car insurance is on their grandparents plan, their cell phone is on their mom's plan. Coworker responds "well he bought his truck outright." Yeah because he doesn't have to pay for essentials. I laid out my rent, car insurance, cell phone and car payment and asked at what point was I going to be able to save $20k as quickly as our younger coworker without living rent free? I was told I didn't need to be so surly. What is surly about painting out that I have a markedly different set of circumstances? People don't like being shown the truth. They want to believe the hustle and grind fantasy pays off. That same coworker tried to say he pays his own bills too and can save money. I asked how much his rent was and he admitted he lives rent-free with his mom. đ