r/beingsingle • u/comepicmeup • Jul 28 '16
new to being single. or just being.
Greetings. So a bit about me, I’m 28/f and “single” after a longgg streak of being involved with a bunch of people, one after the other, over the course of the past 6 years and being really depressed over how none of them worked out. I’m tired of this frame of mind and the dating/relationship scene and don’t have the energy or drive to start something new with anyone and don’t want to rebound or relapse with anyone old out of boredom or fear of being alone. I want a galaxy of space between myself and hurtful memories with old flames. I want to create my life and change and step into this space of freedom and re-discover and build myself, get empowered. Any suggestions? I realize it’ll take time and baby steps. My plans right now are to change jobs, maybe go back to school for a master’s degree next year, make financial plans, travel when I can, spend time with friends, and find out what else makes me tick. Maybe pursue my hobbies more like singing and dancing and writing poetry and astronomy, or find new ones. I want to do stuff that’ll fulfill my soul and enrich my inner and outer world. I’m thinking some positive thinking retreats or seminars. I don’t know. Feel free to comment if you have anything to add.
1
u/Raggmommy May 09 '22
Bravo to you! I respect your decision to give yourself the space to uncover who "you" are and to explore your interests. I (55/f) have been single for about four years now. Was married/with my ex for 18 yrs, then a series of short (<6 months) dating relationships and since my last "boyfriend" I've decided I'm SO much happier not committed to a romantic relationship. I value my friends more than ever as well as not having to be answerable to anyone else (in terms of where I am, what I'm doing, when I'll be back, etc) or having to be responsible for anyone else's itinerary through life. I've traveled widely and freely in my singleship, and my life is just the way I want it! I'm more balanced and emotionally centered than I ever was while in a relationship. But I also put work into myself and deliberstely understanding why I was not happy in my dating relationships, including hiring a professional to guide me through those questions and answers (i.e., a therapist). I applaud your determination but also strongly encourage you to do that work as well, guided by a professional therapist. It's stunning the insights you'll gain about your patterns and motivations. And not just how they pertain to your dating history! I learned so much about how I interact with people in general and why I get frustrated or start to feel dissatisfied with any other type of relationship (familial, professional). So charge ahead on your journey, friend, but don't neglect the work.
1
1
u/Salty_Bus5328 Nov 14 '21
Hey, ad I read that post I can't help but relive those "old flames". I am 25/m and since 19 have been involved with 4 serious partners and then the in-between rebounds.
Some time in the middle of covid (2020-2021) I realized my patterns , when it came to relationships. Usually starts off passionately and in such a rush. Soon afterwards the slow decline starts and I with in 6months of getting involved start feeling the oh so familiar, bored disconnected unmotivated feeling. Usually after about 3months the relationship is over. Well.. thats my pattern.
Anyway. I've decided to do something similar to what you are doing. About 8 months ago I decided to dive head first into my career. I told myself I'll figure relationships out once I'm established in my 30s..
Since I've decided to this, I have gotten two promotions, and now my company has offered to pay for my studies and any courses I am interested in. So I guess it worked out to an extent.
Unfortunately I am to sort of person that dreams of meeting the one , one day. Until then I'll just grind it out in my career.
I wish you all the best in your journey.